I’ve been talking a lot about my pre-training for my October Bethlehem Running Festival races. Pre-training will officially turn into training this week.
What does the week look like now that it’s go time.
4 mile run
5 mile run
4 mile run
7 mile long run
Am I ready for this level of training? I guess we will find out. Here is what I do know……
I am down now over 15 pounds thanks to following WeightWatchers!
I am 100% off all supplements and currently my Yorvipath dosage is keeping my calcium stable. I’ve gone for several runs in the heat, with fast paces, and even shortly before my injection was due without issues. Fingers crossed this keeps up.
I will say that I feel once again like me. I will also say that after Natpara getting pulled once I got used tot his feeling that part of me worries that something similar will happen. Although I don’t think this will get pulled, I think my concern is more about insurance suddenly not approving it. It is nice not to constantly deal with effects of low calcium and have a stable level at 9.6!!!
With that being said, I do feel like I am at a good place to begin this training plan. There are no excuses. If I follow the plan it is on me. If I don’t it is on me as well. As long as my Yorvipath continues to work, I need to do my part.
We are searching for that magic pill. Some are even opting for an injection instead. I get it. Sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes there are medical reasons that would require such extreme measures. Sometimes there isn’t except that loosing weight is hard. I’ve thought about other options, but as I mentioned before I signed up for weight watchers at end of April.
I am the type of person that needs a plan. In my 40’s when I lost 20 pounds (before gaining it all back and more), I used the South Beach Diet. While it helped, it is not a healthy diet for me nor did I want so much a diet as I wanted to retrain my brain/body to eat healthy.
So here we are 7 weeks in and 11.4 pounds down.
Steady…. Slow but steady
As you can see from my step goal, I am doing well. Probably because as a PreK teacher, I am rarely off my feet during the day. So that seems to be working in my favor. I am trying to be steady in working out. I, honestly, have not been running since the Brooklyn Half. I’ve been walking, indoor biking, and weights. I have not been as steady on that as I would like, but I do know that I am gearing up to start my Hat Trick Training at end of July. So theres that.
I like a plan. I like an easy plan. I have found the plan that is now working for me. Tracking which I’ve tried before and never stuck with seems to be working for me now. I think the overall approach to Weight Watchers is what is working for me. I’m not just tracking my food. I am assessing and thinking about what foods I am eating. The daily points have made me think, “is it worth it” when thinking about food choices. I am also encouraged to move more to get more points!
I still don’t feel like I am necessarily on a diet, but on a healthy eating path. When I pack my lunch, it is both tasty but also weeding out the easy to grab processed foods.
Breakfast, lunch and snack for the day.
That being said, I am still eating a cookie which I track. The thing is I am thinking just one cookie and not several. A small piece of ice cream cake and not a full slice. I don’t want to deprive myself. I just want to find the balance.
I’m not going to lie though…… I know hitting my goal weight is going to take time. I know it’s going to be harder than I want it to be. I know. I know. I know….. but, but , but ……….I am now one pound less than I weighed in last seen 2019. So that is a win! I am also a little less than 5 pounds away from my first goal weight. Then after that 15 more.
It is going to take time. The weight didn’t go on over night, so I can’t expect it to come off overnight either.
As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I started Weight Watchers. I will admit that I have always said that I was not one to count points and it wasn’t for me…….
I was wrong.
Maybe back in the day when you had to do all the counting and calculating. That is no more. It couldn’t be any easier to use. There is a recipe calculator. You can scan bar codes. A “what to eat” tab with featured recipes and lists of all the zero point foods.
Honestly with all the zero point foods, you can eat and eat and not feel deprived. It does require a little planning, but we all know it is the mindless grabbing of food that is the problem for many of us as is processed foods. The one consideration is that it definitely more costly to eat fresh, but that is not weight watchers fault. It is sad commentary that a bag of potato chips is cheaper than a container of strawberries……. But I digress.
Anywho….
I’ve been consistently tracking. I’ve been managing my points. One thing that I do like is that besides daily points, you get what they call weekly points to use anyway you want during your week. These points also increase as does your activity. I didn’t understand that at first, but now use them.
I also am not depriving myself. This week was teacher appreciation week that brought goodies and I also went into NYC for a Hypopara study visit (more on that in separate post later). I ate what I wanted to eat, but maybe pregaming pizza lunch with a zero point salad. Then having only one slice of pizza instead of two. It is about thinking about the food you eat.
This was all only 2 points and that was for the feta cheese.
One thing that tracking made me think about is the number of calories that I drink. While I by no means will be giving up my coffee, I realized that for some reason using agave in my coffee was more points than regular sugar. I then realized switching to monk fruit sweetener was even better. Also had to rethink my morning smoothie which while always healthy needed to be adjusted.
So I will continue to do weekly updates with the good and the bad as I did sign up for the next several months. My first goal is 15 pounds. Ultimately I would like to loose a total of 30 pounds. Time will tell.
Currently I am heading in the right direction. Down 4.2 pounds. This feels like not so much a diet as a reset and shift in eating habits. It is about being the healthiest version of myself which the added weight has not been helping.
Yes it is that time of year for goal setting. That being said, I would be doing all this if it was June. I am ready. So here we are……. One week in.
What a difference a week makes.
Working on my diet. Healthy smoothies in the morning. More water. More salads. Less processed foods. It’s a work in progress with progress being the key word. Small changes that can be sustained.
Downloaded a 12 week wall pilates program on an app (Reverse Health). For the $30 fee, I feel like it will be worth it. My goal is to carve the 20 minutes out a day. So far. So good, but its been 3 days:)
Started doing some running again. Even ran a New Years Day 5K with friends. This lead me to another goal…. In June there is a Downtown Run into Summer 5K. MY GOAL NOW IS TO RUN THIS RACE WELL….whatever that means. Not time, but the way I feel. Although to be honest I would like to run it in under 35 minutes. I ran the Bethlehem Running Festival 5K in 40.17. So I think while a reach/stretch goal, it is not a crazy goal.
I have been reading a GREAT book by a running coach that I was very lucky to work with. The book is Running Past 50, Your Guide to Running Longevity and Success by Caolan MacMahon. (You can find it on Amazon and I highly recommend it). This book has been motivating me…..for me because I am lucky enough to know Caolan and have worked with her it really hits home. She was my running coach who got me through 2 marathons, a 50K and my one and only sub 2 half marathon. She is an amazing coach and her book speaks the truths coach’s need to say to thir athletes.
The below passage really spoke to me and I hear the truth of her words….
“But it takes time and willingness to develop a habit, which will also include breaking a habit. Habits can, of course, be “good” or “bad.” In this case, you want to develop a good habit, running , while breaking a bad habit, inactivity.”
This paragraph goes on with more information and really spoke to me. So much so that I have it bookmarked.
I have developed bad habits. Not just eating more processed and sugary foods than I should, but coming home from work and immediately sitting on the couch with my dog and a coffee. While this isn’t a bad thing, the timing is a bad habit because once your on the coach it is harder to motivate to do what needs to be done. So what I’ve been trying to do is inside of doing this to go for a walk after work or as in today do my wall pilates which today focused on abs.
So here is to making better choices in the new year. Here is to making healthy habits while replacing the bad ones.
Since this post is long enough, I will explain later how I plan to hold myself accountable.
I’ve been overweight for years now. I’ve talked about it before. The difference is that before the weight did not effect my life. My doctor never was concerned about it as it was consistent. At the time my high BMI was just that a high BMI. All my other numbers were good. There was no effect on my health.
I was what you would call a healthy fat.
My doctor even would comment that she was not concerned. Although being a doctor she would comment on the BMI, but then just shrug her shoulders.
This last appointment was different. I have now entered into the “unhealthy” fat stage. My cholesterol did lower, but part of that was my good cholesterol going down. She was also concerned about some other liver numbers, so she sent me for a liver ultrasound which backed up her thought of a fatty liver and she is concerned due to family history that I could also become diabetic. The ultrasound also found that I have gallstones.
This was my wake up call. That and the fact that I also gained another 15 pounds. I’ve also been experiencing more aches and pains. Lastly I realized that while my cardio is strong and I can go out to run pretty much without thought, I have lost flexibility and strength.
Time to change the game.
I admit the liver thing has been a wake up call. I’ve already started setting myself up for some success with healthier
Yes that is a cinnamon roll! I am going for balance not perfection!
So this is my goal. I am putting my health first. I even got a 2025 planner. My goal is to to add workouts (not just running) into it. With work and my night class starting mid January, I can’t just let things go unplanned. When I’ve done that the thing that without fail that always gets put last is workouts.
So here is to a healthier happy New Year. My initial goal is 15 pounds which will take me to where I was last year. From there we will see where things go.
The problem with creating goals is that we either make goals that are too big or goals that are too small. We need to find the Goldilocks of goals to actually be able to do what we want. And when I say we, I mean me. Here is the thing……. I am not at a place where I am going to make a goal for a specific pace, number of events, streaking, or even number of pounds.
Here’s the problem…….
When goals are too small, you reach them. Check it off your list and move on. But that is hardly ever the problem. Often we make BIG BIG goals which sometimes require not just small changes but overall life change. You can’t change everything at once or it gets both too overwhelming and actually unreachable. And we are at that time of year again where people will resovle to turn it all around.
Here is the harsh truth. Some statistics show that 25% fail with in the first week. After 6 months, only 46% are still on track and by year end only 9% feel that they kept their resolutions.
Now this is not to say that you shouldn’t make resolutions. Goals. Want to do better. Definitely, we should all strive to do better…..
but….
but…
What if we do it in a more realistic way. A smarter way. A way where we might actually reach our goals. The problem though is (for me) it can’t be an all or nothing approach from the beginning because if thats the case I will be out by the end of first week.
Yes, I know my end goal is to eat healthier, loose some pounds, get on a track with an exercise program. That is a lot to take on our once and I know I won’t do it all the first day of January! So I am going to make small goals along the way. Reachable goals with attainable, verifiable checkmarks.
Start tracking food. I need to do this as I am meeting with nutritionist on the 12th. So I have to track for this appointment to actually mean anything. (Attainable and realistic goal).
I am not training for anything right now. Not planning to do so either, but I have a home gym and really no excuse not to use it. I also know that streaking isn’t for me. I’m tired. I work. I have a life, but I need to be active for 30 minutes at least 4 days a week. This will be 4 days more than I am right now, so theres that bonus.
Thats it for now. I can’t realistically make more of a plan than that because if I do, I am setting myself up for failure. So with that I am starting my year off with hope! Every year, every day, every hour, and even if you need to hold onto it every minute is a new opportunity. A new chance to reach, to dream, to plan.
So on this first day of the year, it is always a time to reflect. Reflect on where we came from. The struggles we’ve overcome. The joys and triumphs. To think about what we want to accomplish. What we want to plan. Where we want to end up. So while time really is a man-made constraint and we don’t need to wait for this first day to make a change, this is a day we are wired to do so. The bottom line though, is that if you don’t do it today, you can still do it tomorrow or any day you choice. For me, I choice today.
And with that, I will lace up and do my local Hangover 5k…… And I’m off.
I have a confession to make….. The number on the scale still bothers me. I know it shouldn’t. I know I am more evolved. I know it is just a number, but…. But…. But….
The two sides of my brain fight this one out. I know that the number is NOT important. I know what is more important is overall health. I know that there are other much more important numbers, such as blood pressure (good), cholesterol (fair but in range) and all the other numbers I need to keep in check due to my hypopara. I also know the number on the scale does not affect my quality of life, change the way my loved ones feel about me, nor honestly change anything about my life. It doesn’t keep me from doing things. It doesn’t honestly affect my life in any way…. With the honest exception of that it does make running a little more challenging than it needs to be on my feet.
I’m not blowing smoke. I know all of these things. I know that the scale does not control my life. I know the scale does not change my life. I am a fairly confident person. The scale doesn’t keep me from doing anything and yet….
I can admit that it bothers me.
Now I am not saying that it bothers me enough to do a drastic life altering diet change. I also admit that while I have started to track my food. This is honestly based on the fact that I am trying to meet nutritional goals. Lean proteins. Less Carbohydrates. Meeting calcium and nutritional goals for overall health. My nutritionist pointed out that while weight is not our goal that by meeting my nutrional goals while also adding strength training and balanced exercise regime, the wight loss will be potential possible side effect. There is no calorie counting. There is what are the best calories to consume.
So why knowing all of this does the number on the scale still bother me? Can I blame society as much as I blame my non existent metabolism? I know things are slowly changing. Companies are using models based on “real” women. Disney just had a short with a bigger protagonist. People keep fighting back against body shaming…. Yet, these are the exceptions and not the norms because if they weren’t they wouldn’t make the news. Top “influencers” (still don’t get that one) are still using filters to get unattainable goals. Plus, I am of the age of barbie, I Dream of Jeanie, and grew up the “fat kid.” Not sure you can every fully get away from those forces.
Yet…… I try…….. not enough that I stopped stepping on the scale. That I don’t have a weight goal. That I wouldn’t love to wake up tomorrow and be 135 pounds again. Once again not enough to take the unhealthy (for me) drastic steps to reach these goals. Part of me would love to drop the 20 pounds. That being said, realistically I will be very happy if I drop 10 pounds which would still leave me in the overweight category but take my BMI out of the obesity category.
Could be age. You know having to get up for the bathroom.
Could be damn Cpap machine that gurgles, hisses and is stuck on my head.
Could be the hypopara muscle aches and all the fun that goes with it.
Could be mind spinning and spinning.
Who knows. Sleep is a mysterious thing which is why I assume there are so many books about it. That being said, all this tiredness makes for an unmotivated not moving as much as I should be person.. All I know is that I am not alone in my struggle. The struggle is real and so many of us go through it.
i will be honest too…… Staying on track is hard. Staying motivated may be even harder. The why bother it never works devil is real. The does it really make a difference voice is loud. The does it even matter whispers are shouts. What is the point is the biggest struggle. Round and round and round it goes till you are paralysed into doing nothing.
nothing.
nothing
nothing.
No plan.
No blogging to keep yourself honest.
No coming up with goals but finding so many excuses.
Now here me out……… Some of these “excuses” are vaild. Many of them are real making what feels like an impossible situation like climbing a mountain without gear. I often forget though…..
I can do hard things!
I have done hard things.
Now the question I have to seriously start asking though…….
Do I want to do them?
What is the benefit of doing them? What is the detriment of not doing them? And the absolute hardest question….. Why am I afraid of doing them? Of making a plan…… of sticking to it…. Of being willing to falter….. of doing something even if I am the only one who cares that I am doing it?
The truth boils down to….. Fear of failure. Fear of stating that something I strive for might be out of reach…. We don’t stop growing because we fail, we stop growing because we stop trying.
I, once again, might be ready to face reality and try. There are some truths to. I have medical condition that makes trying harder some days them others. I am a home baker. There will be snacks but I can adjust. I am a middle age woman with the metabolism of a dead person. I need to move more and make excuses. I need to at the very least try.
Goal #1
I need to eat healthier.
Goal # 2
I need to move in a more constent manner and come up with a plan.
Goal # 3
I need to make myself accountable. For me that will mean documenting it all. The struggles. The small (and hopefully) big victories and just be real that it isn’t always going to work. So I need to adjust and not give up.
While this morning, I did weigh myself and take measurements, weight is not the goal. More importantly, the numbers that I need to improve…. Cholesterol, calcium, kidney function and the rest will work itself out.
I’ve written about this before, but I will again……..
When you are not a size 8, people automatically think that you must eat nothing but crap all the time. That you start off your morning with a donut. Followed by a Big Mac for lunch followed by fried chicken for dinner. Topped off by bon bons, cake, cookies and what not all during the day.
It’s exhausting
Not the eating. The dealing with the misconception.
These misconceptions come from everyone including healthcare providers. Some are more understanding than others but even the understanding ones I think give you the side eye. Years ago when I was 25 pounds lighter and in great shape, I was considered borderline obese. I was wearing a size 8 but the numbers on the scale were high. Probably because at the time I was doing Crossfit, training for a marathon than, and all muscle. I had a doctor just look at the scale and tell me that I should have a shake for breakfast, a salad for lunch, and a small dinner to get my weight down. I switched doctors.
But now, we fast forward a few years. Due to my thyroid/hypoparathyroidism I gained 20 pounds in one year. Sadly, due to covid year, probably gained another 5. I also know that I am also in not as great shape as my Crossfit days nor am I as young (shocking). That was 2016. I am 51 now. I have my thryoid/para issues. I am premenopausal (sorry guys) and it is hard. Really hard.
So yesterday, I went to see my Endocrinologist. She did take into account some things, but I still feel like she was looking at me like I am making excuses. I pointed out that once again, I am training for a marathon and I am active. She suggested that maybe a food tracking app would be good because sometimes people don’t realize what they are eating. Then went on to say that I should use the setting that doesn’t take into account exercise. WTF! WTF…… Excuse me (ahem) Bitch……. If I am going for a 6, 8, 10 plus mile run, I am going to need to fuel the run and recovery. I also don’t think she believed me when I said that I for the most part eat a healthy diet, am a pescatarian and do balance it.
Exhibits from last week.
Low fat yogurt with fresh fruit and granola Letting dog have bit of apple once I’m doneTo be clear, I did balance with a piece of banana cake but still…
Now, here me out…….. I know I could do more. I know that I could have the damn shake for breakfast, salad for lunch, and small dinner with carrots as a snack. I know. I know…… I know……
Here is the thing……
I don’t freaking want to!
Seriously…….
Maybe it is the trying and trying and trying. Followed by the failing and failing and failing. Who knows. I also know that thryroid/hypoparthyroidism/hormones/age/ect are already working against me. So maybe I have given up before I started, but weight really is just a number. I don’t know why we let us define us so much.
My cholesterol last year while higher than previous with lower good cholesterol than in past is still good. While I take tons of medication daily none of them are for blood pressure or cholesterol, so there is that. My sugar levels are normal. And while I know that the extra weight probably did move my sleep apnea from high end of mild to extreme, I still had it 25 pounds ago.
I am also a petulant child. Tell me to do something and I will dig my heals in, cross my arms, and pout that “I don’t want to do!”
So who knows.
Would I like to fit back into my size 8 jeans?
You bet….
Will it ever happen?
Doubtful.
It is also really frustrating that just because it probably won’t happen that people think it is because I have no self control. Here is another fun fact….. I was a fat kid. I still remember the doctor telling my mom when I was in grammar school that she needed to put me on a diet. I still remember getting in trouble for sneaking a second packet of……. Wait for it……… wait for it…….. Oatmeal for breakfast. The shame. The teasing in school. The name calling.
Of all the things that people should feel shame for being fat isn’t one of them. So while we are now at a point where fat shaming is not really accepted, it is still going strong. Being skinny doesn’t necessarily equate to being healthy any more than being fat equates to being unhealthy.
100 days is so far away, yet so close. 100 days till NYCM. 100 days to worry if my training is not enough. 100 days to doubt if my body can handle it. 100 days to worry about what is going on with the new Delta Covid Variant and how this will all play out.
On top of that…..
100 days to fundraise. 100 days to spend as much time fundraising as I do training. 100 days to continue to remind people of the good work that Sandy Hook Promise does that only happens with fundraising. 100 days to remind people that while I do love running this race is more than about running. 100 days to hit my goal.
Is there anyone who doesn’t take on this challenge who doesn’t question why they are doing it, if they should be doing it, and how you can do it better.
Now don’t get me wrong. Training is going good. Although I have already had some foot pain which is concerning. This are things that lead to doubt. These are things that make me realize that I need to go see my podiatrist. More just to make sure that there are no issues and to see if it is time for new inserts for my shoes. I just don’t want to deal with foot pain all through out training and I did have that pain after running only 8 miles. So there is concern.
One thing that I hate to admit as I’ve had issues with my feet 20 pounds ago…… The extra weight is not helping when it comes to my foot health. It’s not so much the weight but the weight combined with being prone to having issues with my feet is not a good combo. Although this time the pain was different. It was on the outside of my foot, so I wonder if something else is going on. And while I know the easy solution is to say….. I’m going to loose 20 pounds. That is much easier said than done.
So the reality is that I’m not going to loose the 20 pounds. Unless I plan to go on a very strict diet (which I won’t), I need to figure out some things out.
Should this be my last marathon (thats a hard one)
Do I need to see my podiatrist (yes)
Is it time for new insoles? (Not sure)
Do I need to focus on foot strike and form (maybe)
GRRRRRR
I really need to not bury my head in the sand like I’ve done in the past and takle this head on. Although I do like to ignore things till they blow up in my face. (Doesn’t everyone or is that just me?)
It annoys me too because this go around I am doing everything that I should be doing. But for now, it is not something that is bad enough to cause me to stop. Besides I already have some ideas – like to spend some of my “foundation runs” with biking. To make sure to spend stretching and just listening to my body.
The Accidentally Running Mama 