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What if???

What if there is no easy answers?   What if we have no idea what tomorrow will bring?   What if as each day is just like the day before, we still have no idea what the future will bring?    How do we plan?   How do we accept not knowing?   How do we move forward and not stay stuck in limbo?

Why are there so many questions and not enough answers?

What if it is easier to ask the questions than answer them?

What if?

What if?

When will this happen?

When will that happen?

On and on it goes with no clear cut answers.   No answers that you like.   No answers that make things easier.  No answer that doesn’t lead to another question.

What if I tell you that it won’t always be like this?    What if I tell you that even in the best of times that tomorrow was never promised?    That plans fall through.   That life is more complicated and much simpler than we every realized.  That even when you make plans, sometimes plans change.   Sometimes things that you never thought would happen…. happen.    Things that you only dream of….. happen.

Right now so many of us feel in limbo.   We miss people that we now have to be “socially” distant from which really just means physically distant.   Do you even remember the last person not in your home that you gave a hug to before this all started?    Have you thought about how good it will be to give that person a hug when this is all over?   I, honestly, can’t remember the last person that I hugged and that makes me sad.   Althugh I believe it would have been either my mother or my friend, Jen; but I’m not sure.   It was such a normal thing that at the time I might not have given it a second thought.

Second thoughts are the problem now.   Second, third…. a million.    We are all searching for answers but right now there are no answers.    That is hard for so many reasons.   How do you plan for the future when you don’t know.   So many things that we took for granted before are now gone.   A hug goodbye.   The ability to pop in on a friend.   The knowing that even if plans had to change that the world didn’t.    As hard as some people want to put this pandemic behind us, it is here in our lives for a while.   We have no choice but to give up the reigns and that is a hard pill to swallow.

Right now many people are planning for fall races.   I was asked if I wanted to be part of the Sandy Hook Promise Team and as much as I support their cause…….as much as I like to plan….. as much as I want to; I just don’t think I can for several reasons but I go back and forth.

My first thought really is how much harder this year it would be to fundraise.   People are hurting and many disposable income is gone.     Businesses that have been very supportive in the past are doing all they can to survive now.     While these last 2 years I have had great success with my fundraising and had expected to do it again this year, I just can’t see how that would be possible.    It bothers me too because I think Sandy Hook Promise mission is worthy of all of our support.

On top of that honestly, I know so many runners are holding out hope of fall races but I don’t see how that can happen.   How in a matter of months can NYC expect to host an event with 50,000 runners and their supporters.    It seems like a foreign thought to me.   For those holding out hope, I hope I’m wrong.   It will be a strange November without a NYC Marathon but I’m sure the people of Boston felt the same way.

It is hard to plan for the future when the future is so uncertain.   For me, that means just doing the things that I can do daily to make my life seem like I am not a house plant.

Exercise Daily – Check

Shower Daily – Usually

Daily walk – Usually

Try not to eat all the chocolate – I’m trying

For me….   Making a conscience effort not to plan is my plan.      I would love to plan for a fall race, but I just don’t see how that can be.    I would rather let that go now as, for me, that is what I need to do.    This is not to say that I am giving up planning and doing.   I am just going to plan and do things that are in my control.   Right now I am in the process of deciding weather I want to run the NJ Parkway (172.4 miles) or the NJ Turnpike (117.2 miles) – Virtually, of course.   There is an online challenge where you are in control from running the distance of the boardwalk (28 miles) to going as far as taking the Jersey Devil challenge (579 miles).   These distances will be run starting May 15 through July 15th.   Mile wise I’m leaning towards the Turnpike but I’m more of a Parkway girl, so I have not figured it out yet.    That will be something I control.

So, for me, when the world is our of my control; I will take the control back where I can.   How I can.

What are you doing to stay in control?

 

 

 

You Have to Start Somewhere

Many people want to head straight for the finish line before they have even gotten to the start line or even started training.   I, myself, am no exception.   Patience isn’t always my specialty or a virtue that I posses.   To be honest, I’m not sure that I have any specialty but live by the expression Jack of all trades. Master of none.   That’s me.   I’m cool with that.    A little of this.   A little of that.

Right now like so many people staying at home, I’ve got a lot of time on my hand.   I’ve filled a lot of it with baking.   This week alone I have made Mocha cupcakes with espresso buttercream, Rose Water Cupcakes with Rose Water buttercream, and today I’ve made bagels for the first time.   That is a lot of goodies.     I need to balance out these extra calories with a more sedentary lifestyle by adding more exercise.

I’m not sure if I mentioned that we semi converted our garage into a home gym.   We don’t have a lot but we’ve got more than others and enough to get the job done.   I’ve also been dabbling with the Nike Training App which currently has free upgraded access to the premium workouts.    I’ve really been enjoying the workouts.   They have all different types of workouts.   I’ve done tried all the different types (endurance, mobility, strength and yoga).

I will further say that I enjoy the endurance workouts on days that I am not running which due to the weather has been a decent amount.  I feel that these will help me push myself while running.   The Mobility has been great for cool downs, hip opening, and general flexibility.    What I’ve really been spending some time on is the different yoga routines.  Several years ago, I regularly practiced at a Hot Yoga studio.   It was intense.   It was a workout.   It helped with flexibility and balance which I could desperately need.   I loved it and I really don’t know why I stopped.  As I said before, I let other workouts fall to the wayside as I focused more on my running.   I’m reminded recently how these all go hand in hand and can be beneficial.

What I also noticed besides how tight my legs are is that I forgot how strong you must be to do yoga.   I remind myself that when I am holding my body with up that is a pretty decent amount.    I also thought that in order to improve, I will need to continue to practice because as the saying goes practice makes perfect.   Although is their perfect in yoga?   Just good form which I don’t have either.  A work in progress.

So I will practice.   I will remind myself that as cool as it would be to be able to a handstand or any of the inversion movements that I must start at the beginning.   Like a marathon, you can’t just show up and expect to get to the finish line.   So I begin at the beginning with the basics.    The basics for me are not so basic anyway.   I need to find muscles that I forgot to use.   I need a core which has gone MIA.   I need to start at the beginning.

It is these beginning steps which make crossing even the smallest finish lines worthwhile.   If everything came easy, they would be no sense of accomplishments.   And while I have a long ways to go, I am still proud of how far I’ve come even if that just means entering my garage to practice yoga or any workout.

I further admit that I needed to remind myself of all of this because it is easy to throw in the towel and say, “Well I can’t do it.”    Really what we need to say is “I can’t do it today but I will eventually be able to do it and if I can’t I enjoyed the process.”

So here I am enjoying the process.

Out of Balance

amazing balance blur boulder

Photo by Nandhu Kumar on Pexels.com

I’ve been in better shape.

I’ve been in worse shape.

I’ve been stronger.

I’ve been weaker.

I’ve been in better shape.

I’ve been in worse shape (really).

I’ve been so many things and I will end up being so many more.  Things ebb and flow.   Up until a month ago, I seemed to be right on target for my Birthday Half Marathon right up until the world stopped.   Since then, training has not been training but getting a run in here and there as allowed.   Races right now are non existent.  Although, I think I might still try to do the  virtual run, but I don’t think I will run the full half.   Probably just the 8K.

Since formal training has come off the table and I have been trying to not loose my mojo.    Not just me but my whole household.   You know when you have nowhere to go and nothing to do, you really have time to squeeze in a workout.    We even cleaned out the garage.   Bought some equipment, mats for the floor and are in process of turning our garage into a home workout space.   It helps that many are sharing workouts online.   One that I have found that I like is the Nike Training App.   During the Stay at Home orders they are even allowing you to view workouts for free.   Yeah.

I even went so far as to dust off a no equipment workout from my CrossFit days.   Let me just say that while I did the workout, it was not pretty and it made me think.   I realized that while I’m not sure that I would want to be doing CrossFit now that I was in the best shape of my life when I was doing it.   The cross training was key.   I further realized that I gave my all to running and allowed everything else fall to the wayside.   Time was limited and I chose running over yoga, CrossFit, cross training, and everything else.  It seemed like a necessary tradeoff but it wasn’t a smart one.

On top of that I realized that by letting everything else go, I was missing out.   Now I realize that I am now in my early 50’s, but I have lost a lot of upper body strength.   A lot.  Yes, I can run marathons.   Yes, I have endurance.    Yes, I can get to the finish line.   All those things are true, but I lost balance.   Balance in life is good.   Balance in life brings harmony.   Balance is easy to loose.   I could still run a marathon but I had to push harder than I should because of all that I stopped doing.

When I had balance with running, biking, HIT workouts, weight lifting not only was I in great shape physically but I was also able to run faster and further without injury.   Now I realize that I am getting older by the day, so I may not get faster but I can certainly get stronger and find the balance that I lost.   And since I am getting “older,”  my body needs balance more than ever.  I also realized I missed it.   Yes, I’m a runner but I’m am more than legs especially at 5 foot 2.   In thinking about it to, saying I am a runner made it ok not to be anything else.    I used it as an excuse not to do other things even things that I enjoyed doing.

Often our lives become out of balance with out us even realizing it.   We take more responsibility at work, our families require more of our energy, volunteering for important causes takes time, pets, responsibilities and one and on it goes until we realize we don’t have time for “self care.”   We become out of balance without even paying attention or noticing.

Now some people hate the phrase “self care” or view it as hokey.   Some think it’s selfish. Some think that there is no time.   Some don’t understand that it doesn’t necessarily mean bubble baths, salon visits, or even running.   Self care is what is necessary in order to recharge your batteries what ever that may be for you.

Right now most of us have a lot of extra time.    There is no where to go.    There is no better time to give yourself some TLC because you deserve it.   Right now the world is raw, emotional, and tender.   Everyone is worried.   Everyone is stressed.   Everyone has their own baggage that most people have no clue about.    There is no better time to add balance and self care to your life because you can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself.

So with that said,  I’m looking to control what I can in my life and bring balance to it where I can.    For now that means adding full body workouts.   Taking time to do more than just lace up my shoes.    And the good thing is that right now I have to the time to see where this will take me.   Hopefully it will take me to a more balanced approach to my running.

Do you have balance?

 

 

Looking on the Bright Side

Sorry I’ve been off the grid. January has been a month to say the least. The first full week of January my husband and I both came down with what we assume was the flu. Down and out for the count. This is where I was thankful that my kids are old enough and self sufficient enough (when need be) to take care of themselves. Then was getting back into the swing of my routine and catching back up.

In the spirit of catching up, I did manage to sign up for a Half Marathon in April on my actual birthday. I will be doing the NJ Half at Rutgers. It was either this one or the NYRR Shape, but since did that one years ago I thought maybe something different this time.

The deciding factor was time as it will be easier to get in and out of this one. Plus it’s not 2 loops of the hills in Central Park. I even got a friend to do it with me. Win. Win.

Then the month kept rolling along. Yesterday, I had the fun of getting a colonscopy. Have to say the prep worried me a little bit because I wasn’t sure how my calcium would be, but I took extra in prepping for the prep. I did get a little tingles during the second dose of my prep, but I added some calcium and was good to go. What surprised me is my calcium getting low last night well after the procedure. Tingles around lips. Tell tail Chvostek sign. Hypoparathyroidism is a strange beast. I took some extra calcium and thankfully bounced back by morning.

I will say all of these things did make for a great month as far as helping me with my weight loss goal. Not what I would recommend to jump start your diet, but 8 pounds is 8 pounds and I’m even more motivated because I’m 2 pounds away from a number I haven’t seen in a while. So I guess now I have to stick with the healthy eating thing!

And since I was feeling better today, I went out for my first half marathon training run. I decided to go back to the very beginning using the Hal Higdon Novice 1 training program. This program is designed for those who have never done a Half before, but since I’m going back to basics I thought this was a great way to start. Besides I haven’t done much since NYCM and the Half is in 12 weeks, so I think this is just where I need to be.

I’ve decided I’m going back to the very beginning. Like I did all those years ago when I first hit the pavement, I am claiming this once again as the year of me. This means that I will be focusing on taking time for myself, getting myself in shape, and just enjoying seeing what I can do. I surprised myself all those years ago and I think I just might do it again. Who knows! I surprised myself on todays run which I allowed myself to walk when I needed. I ended up with very pretty negative splits and was happy with myself. What more can a runner ask for?

How are you doing on your goals?

Can I Do That?

Sometimes there are bigger questions we must ask ourselves. It is not….

Can I do that?

but

Should I do that?

These are very different questions that will bring about very different answers for various reasons. They will often bring very different results too. Often what we should do does not give us the instant gratification we want. It does not bring the smug satisfaction of victory, speed, or getting the last word. It might feel safe. It might feel like the easy way out, but often what we should do versus what we can do is so much harder.

Can I eat that cupcake? Most certainly and it will be super yummy and delicious.

Should I eat that cupcake? No because I really don’t need the empty calories and I might feel guilty about it.

Can I respond sarcastically to that person who is being an ass to me? You bet I can and I will get so much satisfaction out of it too.

Should I respond? Nope, because in the long run it will only create more drama and I know the smart thing is just to walk away with my head held high.

There are so many of these sometimes small, sometimes big questions that come up on a daily basis. Our gut wants the instant gratification that comes with the why not attitude and in some cases it really doesn’t matter. Sometimes it matters. It matters to our piece of mind, our waistline, our health and a whole host of things.

This is where I am now. There might be some people who think I’m being overdramatic with coming off the daily injection of Natpara. They would be wrong. In my Natpara support group, someone is tracking hospital visits. As of today there are 62 who went to the emergency room. 30 admitted to the hospital and 7 of those went to ICU. This is no joke and I know that I am one of the lucky ones whose transition is going ok but if it’s one thing people in Hypopara community know things turn on a dime.

So with this thought in mind, I have been asking myself…..

Can I run faster and longer in training? The answer is probably (depending on the day)…. Yes because aerobically I have the base as I’ve been training. By pushing myself while transitioning off medicine and readjusting I will need to face the consequences….. muscle cramps, tingles, and if I push too hard a calcium crash.

The real question is….. Should I keep trying to run faster and longer in training? The answer is No. Again, I’m not a fast runner anyway. I’ve got nothing to prove and I really would like to get to both NYC Marathon feeling good and cross the finish line without needing to suck down packets of calcium or worse.

So the lesson that is always hard to learn is that while you can do something, it is not always prudent to do it. I proved that with today’s run. It helped that the weather was perfect. I have my low mileage plan and went out to do 6 miles. I went into it trying to keep my pace around 11:30 which is what my Garmin show. Nike is faster, but I’m going by Garmin which shows average pace of 11:37. Not sure why the discrepancy with Nike, but doesn’t really matter.

At these slower paces, I could do it. Yes, I walked some but not as much as I thought I would. I kept telling myself to slow down which is probably not what most runners tell themselves. I’m not looking to run fast. I’m looking to run long. Run far. Mostly I’m looking to not want to fall over when I cross the finish line.

So this may be another 6 plus hour marathon this go around. Oh well. Better to know what I should do than pretend to attempt something that for right now I can’t do.

Be Positive

I’m a pretty positive person. I usually take a wait and see approach to life. Usually don’t focus on the negative. That being said, life is messy and complicated and as much as we want to you can’t always post about rainbows and puppy dogs.

I see people on social media who post nothing but positive things. Even going so far as to apologize if something is miscontrud as negative. I am not judging them as that is their choice, but to me it’s not a real choice as life is not all good or all bad. Pretending otherwise is just that pretending.

Sometimes people are crappy. Sometimes XYZ is Crappy. Sometimes life is crappy. Sometimes you don’t want to put on a happy face and sometimes your just not feeling it. That’s life unless your Mr Rogers. It’s ok to get mad. It’s ok to express frustration, disappointment, and even be what might be considered negative. That’s life as long as you don’t just focus on the negative, that’s ok. It’s a balance.

Life has it’s ups. Life has it’s downs. In order to appreciate the ups, you must acknowledge the downs. Acknowledging the downs does not mean that suddenly you are going to be negative Nelly. It just means you are acknowledging that life is complicated and we don’t live Stepford Lives. I can appreciate the good, while acknowledging the suck.

So right now, I still feel like I’m in a holding pattern. Counting the days till the magic juice runs dry. That is 4. Part of me doesn’t like the holding pattern I’m in. Part of me is grateful for it as it has given me time to prepare….. talk to my doctor, order my meds, plan. But now I’ve done all these things, so now it’s just enjoy these 4 days and worry about day 5.

I’m also angry because I accepted the new normal of having to inject myself every day and take just a few calcium supplements a day. I’m angry because I thought this was going to last more than the 5 months and I should have started sooner. I’m angry because of the lack of information on how long this will take and when the medicine may be available again. I’m angry because I felt like I had my life back.

I’m also feeling a little defeated. Finally start getting things together and now this. And again, I know it could be worse and I’ve been lucky Some people might also think I’m being dramatic. Those people would be wrong and really don’t know the truth of this disorder, my life, or what I do to make things look easy. That being said, you would never say to a diabetic, “Well you’ve only a little diabetics.” Yes, I’m lucky in my symptoms. I’m lucky that I’ve been able to do so much. I’m lucky that my schedule will allow be self care as needed, but I still have Hypopara with all that comes with that.

I’m also nervous and these next 4 days I will probably see more Hypopara stories to make me slightly more. As I said before coming off the Natpara is no joke. In my Hypopara support group, someone tracked that there are already 14 who have had to go to ER with 7 being admitted. Again, don’t know what will happen, but it is a little nerve racking. I, honestly, don’t expect that to happen to me because I’ve never had to in the past. I’m hoping for a smooth transition, but it’s always in the back of your mind. If there is one thing Hypopara people spend a lot of time worrying about is their calcium levels, symptoms, and how to handle it all.

Here’s the crux of it too…….. I’ve got about 7 more weeks till the NYC Marathon. Training for a marathon is no joke under any circumstances. I’ve trained before without Natpara, but I use the word train loosely. I’ve trained prior to being Hypopara. I will admit that there comes a point in every training cycle where it kind of sucks, but you know you’ve got to do it. I can do it again. That being said, I’m going to be doing the dance of adjusting my meds while finishing my training. And did I ever mention that sweat and exercise effect your calcium levels. I’m sure I mentioned it. Luckily, I am usually in tune to my symptoms, have a doctor I can text if symptomatic, and am pretty good about keeping my levels. All while working and taking care of my family. Hmmm.

Lastly, I’ve still got $800 to raise for Sandy Hook Promise in these next few weeks while doing everything else.

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.

So while I’m being super Negative Nelly that is also not the true story. Yes, all of these feelings, worries, thoughts are valid but there is another side to the coin. I know that I am lucky. I know that it will work out. I’m optimistic that things will go smoothly. That levels will remain stable and I will just keep on keeping on.

You can recognize the negative while embracing the positive. I always say….. Hope for the Best. Prepare for the worst. Most of all accept it all.

Fire

I’m preparing to start training for NYC Marathon. I’m dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s. Picking my training plan. Kind of doing some pre training. Thinking about goals. All the things that I’m supposed to be doing. With all that being said, I am noticing one thing missing this go around.

Fire.

Don’t get me wrong….. I’m excited to be getting ready to train and run NYC Marathon for Sandy Hook Promise. I’ve got the fire to get to both start and finish line. Let me explain….

When I first started this journey years ago, I had fire and determination. I pushed myself to the limit. I trained. I ran far. I ran fast. I pushed myself to and past limits that I didn’t know I could push through. I got up early. I ran late at night. I had serious goals. Some I reached. Some I didn’t. But I always pushed through.

Now….

I like to sleep in….. I’m comfy on the couch at night. I’m missing that fire to push the limits. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been running (not as much as I thought for pretraining). I’ve been running some local 5K and being pretty consistent in my times. Faster than I thought I’d be. I’ve run 3 5K’s this year. All of them, I said I was just going to run and see what happened. All of them were hard and I pushed myself. All of them I finished around 31 minutes.

Now that being said, I think the reason my fire is a little damp right now is I’m not sure what is going to happen as I start adding the miles. Am I going to fall apart. Is my body which thanks to my Natpara has been feeling good going to give me issues. I’m worried. I like the way I’ve been feeling. You know… feeling like me. I think that I may be afraid to rock the boat. I keep saying I don’t want to go back to how I felt both mentally and physically before I started my Natpara. I love running. I love racing. I love being able to cross any finish line but a marathon finish line is special especially when running for a cause you believe in. That being said as much as I love that…… I love waking up not feeling like grandma. I love not needing a nap in the afternoon. I love not having muscle cramps, spasms and all of those other funky sypmptoms of being hypopara.

So I guess what I will say is…… I have the fire, but I’m afraid to let it burn too brightly right now. I’m going to tend to it. I’m going to care for it, but I’m not going to let it burn out because while I love running; I love being able to live my life like I did before my surgery.

If there is one thing about being hypopara is that it does make you more cautious. Where I used to throw caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may because I knew I could easily pick up the pieces; I don’t do that now. When they fall, they fall too hard and it takes too long to pick them up.

So I will go into my training following a very low key plan. I will put in the miles. I will do what I need to do and as the 3 miles turns 5 and so forth and so forth; I will reassess. I will adjust. What I will not do is stop….

So I guess I do have more fire than I thought:)

Recovery Done Right

I will give you that most people don’t need to spend time recovering from just a 5K. I will give you that in the past even at my longest most grueling races, I haven’t really been good about recovery.

Case in point: I ran Dirty German 50K. I crossed the finish line. Since I was doing the race solo, I ended up getting food, gathering my stuff, and diving the few hours home. When I ran the Marine Corps Marathon, I was with my sister and mother. I grabbed some food. We grabbed an Uber back to our hotel that we were already checked out of and we did the long drive from DC to NJ. At least I only drove till we got to the first rest stop where I changed out of my race gear. Then my sister drove. At every NYC marathon, it is hours before I finally make it home to change and clean up.

You see a pattern here.

It’s not a good pattern, but one most can recognize. Running races usually means traveling to event even if it’s in driving distance. Most of us also usually have to get back to a day to day lives relatively quickly without a lot of time to relax.

Besides training, elite runners have an edge when it comes to recovery. It’s part of the job description because they know they need to take the time and they do. Granted, they might not need as much recovery as the rest of us but they also build it into their training. Why do those of us who probably need it more than they do, not take the time?

As said before……. We usually have to get back to our daily routines. We are usually feeling guilty for the time we take to train and do an event that taking that extra step makes us feel a little more selfish. It’s not selfish though. It’s part of training. One that we usually ignore to our own peril.

I am trying to be better which tends to happen when your body forces you to access what it needs. Yesterday it was easy because time was on my side. First I stretched after race. Then I came home and soaked in an Epsom salt bath. Then off to a nice lunch followed by a short nap. If all that wasn’t decadent enough……

I went for a Spa Pedicure that included a hot towel wrap with 10 minute leg massage. Then at completion of pedicure a 10 minute neck and shoulder massage. Pure heaven.

And while maybe a 5K didn’t need this much of a recovery, why not enjoy it when I have the time. Plus outside of my quads today, I am feeling pretty good. Everyone should be sore the day after pushing it in a race.

I am working on not just working so hard, but realizing that if I am going to push it to the limit that I also need to allow time to recover. Not view it as treating myself, but viewing it as necessary. I am turning 50 next month. As the saying goes, I am not getting any younger but that wont stop me. What will stop me is if I don’t realize that I am worth the extra time and not only am I worth it but it is necessary.

Train hard.

Race hard.

Recovery just as hard.

Finding the Joy

It’s the end of the year which means that many people are accessing how they reached their goals for the year, setting new goals for next year, or just counting the miles. This time of year can make you both sad or happy depending upon where you are with you goals. Then there is me who is ambivalent. It is what it is and kind of where I expected.

According to m Garmin, I was at 392 miles for the year. While I do know there were some runs that weren’t calculated due to not wearing watch, it’s probably not too far off.

There is a saying…

Here is another thing.

Sometimes that isn’t even true. I’m not even in competition with myself. I just am at the point where I want to find the joy in running again. I’m working on it too.

How am I doing that?

I stopped running. As I’ve said before I have not run since I completed the NYC Marathon. I’m glad that I haven’t. I have thought about it, but that is as far as it went because I’ve taken it off the table. I have had no real desire to run. Nope. Nadda. I see you out there running and think, “that’s nice” not “I wish I was out there.” Even on these perfect December running days

Now this does not mean I’m done. It just means that I wanted to be able to put my energy into Christmas. Being a frequent napper already, I don’t think I would have been able to do it all and everything would have suffered. There would be no joy. I want the joy. I want to feel like running is my release and not a job.

So here is how I plan to find the joy……. I’m going back to basics. Come January, I am starting the Couch to 5K. Now I realize that I ran a marathon in November and I really don’t need to go back to this because it’s only been 2 months, I want to find the joy. I don’t want to feel like I should be doing more. I want to just take it back to square one where I fell in love with all that running brought me. I don’t want the pressure (that I put on myself) that I should be doing more. Follow the program and call it a day.

This will go in line with my 2019 goals. No goals to PR. No goals for longer distance. Goals (for me) to just find the joy. I want to just run my town’s local 5K’s (for the fun of running in my town). I want to enjoy the experience of it.

I also plan to start cross training again. I miss that more than I miss running. I also feel like that would do me good. I’ve gained a lot of weight. I’m the heaviest of been without being pregnant and while I really don’t care about the number, I do think it’s not good for my health because I am no longer fit.

So fitness, fun and most of all joy will be my goal. Everyone has to chase a goal that works for them at where they are. For today, for this coming year, for me….. this is where and what I need.

What are your goals?

My Race. My Pace.

We have all head the mantra, My race.  My pace.   Sometimes it’s hard to believe, but it is so true.   Sometimes we get so caught up in thinking about our pace that we miss out on the beauty of running.

For those who have been with me a while know that the run/walk method was really not something that I chose but that chose me.    Although I knew many people who for various reasons used this method it never appealed to me because I was always worried that if I started walking it would be harder to start back running when needed.    I was wrong.

Here is something that I noticed.   Before the walk/run method, I would invariably walk during a marathon, long run, or bad day.   It was hard to start running again because usually I would wait till I couldn’t push it to walk.   That is no longer the case.   I walk BEFORE my body needs it.   I start when the buzzer goes off.   I stop when it goes off again.

I like it. I really like it.

Currently, I am using the 3:30 to 45 run/walk ratio.   This seems to be a good fit.   I finally adjusted my Garmin setting to see current pace and lap pace.   This is something that I hope to work on because my running pace has not been consistent.   So yesterday I went for 10 miles trying to keep my running pace around 11-11:15.    My miles were pretty consistent and my overall run had a pace of 12:08.    This is right where I wanted to be and I am happy with this run.   Plus I feel pretty good today which is a major bonus!

I am happy with where I am with my running.

Here is the thing though…….   I have never had what I call the Balls to Wall mentality in my running.   Not to say that there wasn’t a time where I dreamed of a 4:30 marathon or pushed myself to do a sub 2 half.   It is just that even when I was training consistently with a coach I did not always go out fast every run.   Most of my runs were at a slower pace and then there were days where it was about speed.  I wanted that for me and was willing to work for it.    I have never been about running hard and fast all the time.   Maybe I’m just too soft:)

Here is the  another thing though…..

There is nothing wrong with being too soft.   Although I don’t consider it being soft really.    Every person has a different reason for running.    Everyone gets something different out their running.   A wise person said to me, “I want to be able to “compete” in my own way.”

Yup!

There is no wrong way to train and “race.” (ok there are wrong ways, but I’m talking different paths).    Not everyone wants to stand on the podium.   Some of us want to just be out on the road.   The beauty of running is that there is more than enough road for all of us.

I will further admit that I am knocking on 50’s door in less than a year.   I came to this party late.   Only starting to run in my mid 40’s.   So for who I am and where I’m at, I’m doing ok.    I have never wanted my running to feel like a job which I admit when training for a marathon it usually does near the end.  That being said, overall I want to enjoy my runs.   I don’t want to beat myself over my running.   Life can be hard enough without that added stress.

So what am I trying to say here…..

I guess I’m trying to say whether  you are a front of the pack runner,  a middle of the pack runner,  back of the pack runner or don’t even run it a pack; it’s ok.    Running is  simple but not a simple thing.   Like anything in life you can make it as complicated as your want.   For me, right now, I want uncomplicated.   I want to enjoy my running for all that it brings me…… great workout, even better friends, and most of all the way it clears the cob webs out of my mind.    There are those who may not understand my lack of balls to the wall mentality and that’s ok.   They are on a different path than me and each much not only choose their path but enjoy it while they are there.

Life is too short not to enjoy where you are in your journey.

be-happy-quotes