Running through the Suck

Yesterday I went for my last long training run before I start to taper for the NY Half.    It was a good training run for a whole different reason than most.   It was good because as a whole it sucked.

Say what?

Going into the run…. I was tired form not getting enough sleep.   The day before I had screwed up with taking my medications.   On top of that on Saturday I had run hills had left my legs sore.

The run was a success for a host of reasons.   First, I pushed myself out the door to go.   Second, I did not shorten it and got the 11 miles in.   And lastly, I never gave up.

Aerobically I felt good on this run.   That is something because aerobically, I felt like I could keep going.   But the sore legs, feet hurting, and tingling from low calcium would have been valid reasons to stop.


I pushed through.   I stopped when needed to stretch.   I walked when needed to.   I used extra cal-ez and reminded myself to drink it which helped with tingles.   This run makes me realize that I will finish this half no matter what.   All runners no matter their health have good running days and bad one.   This is why we train.   So on those bad running days, we know that we can still get it done.

They say that to be a runner, you must learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.   Pain is not always your enemy.   You just need to know where the line between pushing through and when your body has had enough.   You can only do that by training.   Yesterday’s run was uncomfortable, but a good uncomfortable.

After the run, a friend texted me

“I am proud of you for running through the suck….. this is getting used to a different normal for you, and it is that much harder for you than another runner.”

And that my friends is why we train.



March 18th

I’m still here.

I’m still training.

I’m still plugging away.

Some days are good and some days are crap.

I try to balance them out, so I don’t feel so bad and out of shape.

March 18th

March 18th

Seemed so far away, but is now so close.

Will I be ready?

Who knows.

I’m trying and that is all I can do.    I’m getting runs in when I can.    I still am only training for distance.   If anything, I am trying to get back to controlling my pace and not let it control me.    My pace currently is slow, but I keep running faster than I should.   If I continue to do that, things will not go well for 13 miles.   I keep telling myself that I just need to finish.  I keep trying to run at what was an easy pace in the past, but is a fast pace now.   It’s easier said than done to change that thought process.

Then I come across a blog post detailing the course and how so much harder it is from the old course.


Just thanks.





Rain, Rain, I’ll Still Come Out to Play

Some people wait for the sunshine to run.   Some people will begrudgingly run in the rain.   And some people will not only run in the rain, but happily do it.  today was such a day.   I’ve been for the most part sticking to my training schedule.   I’ve been feeling good about getting the miles in, but I will say that I’ve hated getting them in.   The reason is because most of my recent miles have been on the treadmill.   Treadmill runs with no music as I can not find my skullcandy headphones.  (boo)

Miles are miles and sometimes that is all you need.   That is what I’ve needed.   But running more than 3 miles on a treadmill with no music is akin to torture.   Plus I hate running at the gym feeling like a hamster on a wheel.   I like to be outside where I can play my music through my phone and hear my own thoughts.

So today, I wanted to get out and do 5 miles.   My time was limited as I needed to be washed up and ready for work by 11:30 and I wanted to be in the air.    Today’s weather was warmer but still a little cool with rain.   I suited up appropriately with my hat to keep the rain off my face and a running rain jacket.    It was time to reclaim my “I will run in any weather badge” that I’ve lost this past winter. Besides I needed to have some true alone time alone brought by an outside run.

Today was a run about running.   About getting 5 miles in.    About seeing if I could carry a conversation with myself.   Once I warmed up and got going, I actually took off my rain jacket and wrapped it around my waste.   I flipped my Garmin around so as to not see the pace, heart rate, or any such thing.   And I ran.    I tried to stay in control of the run.   I tried to keep a conversational pace but sometimes I needed to remind myself of that.

  I just ran.  There was some walking, but not much.   I enjoyed the rain which I believe kept me from overheating.   I’m really not joking when I say that I run hot.  I honestly would pick a day like today for the NY Half.   Off and on rain to keep me cool, but I’m getting ahead of myself.   First I have to keep this training up.   If I could run in the rain though but keep my feet dry that would be amazing.

So today with no thought.   No set paces.   no plan other than to push myself and get 5 miles in, I had the best run I have had in ages.   I’ll blame it on the rain,  but this was the best run I’ve had in ages and I’ll take it!



Letting Go of Your Ego

Today I went for a run.   I’ve been running inside on the treadmill and wanted to hit the streets again.  It was finally a little warmer today at 31 degrees.    I figured perfect weather to run the NYRR Virtual Race.    That being said, I wasn’t racing so much as running.    I did start off too fast and slowed myself down.   I did walk.   Here is the thing that I kept reminding myself and thinking about while I was running today….

It’s ok not to be the fastest.   It is also ok not to be as fast as I once was.   Besides that is part of life.   Most people don’t get faster as you age even if you don’t have hypopara.   So run.   Just run.

Remember that you do this to feel the pavement under your feet.   You do this for the peace of mind it brings.    You do this for you.    You always have and to do it for any other reason is kind of stupid.

Here’s the thing though…… Ego gets in the way.    Ego is not helpful.    Ego will only hold you back.    You can have pride in your running (and life), but to let ego lead where to take you it won’t end well.   If I were to let my ego in charge, I might not leave the house in my running shoes.    I might just say what the heck, what’s the point, and just stay home.

Ego is not your friend.

Ego will hold you back.

Once you let go of your ego and are proud of where you are things can only get better.

So today I went for a run.   3.32 miles in 38.18 minutes.    It was hard.    I needed to walk.   My breathing was heavy.   My calf had a cramp in it most of the run, but….


I had the sun on my face.

Time to process life.

Time to enjoy life.

Time to be……

The saying that some people think is bull is so true.   A lesson we learned in preschool, but can not truly appreciate till we are adults not just as a runner but in our everyday lives too.



It’s Time to Get Serious

Without goals it is hard to know which direction to take.   You wonder aimlessly without a purpose.    It is time that I stop wondering and start seriously thinking about where I want to go in 2018.   It is time to set some realistic goals.   It is time to start pushing myself again.   It is time to  get serious.

Yes, I’ve had a lot going on and I’m still working some things out.  Yes, things are different but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have hopes, dreams, and goals.  It is time to get out of my own way, step out of my comfort zone and start pushing myself again.   I won’t know how far I can go by sitting on the sidelines.

It’s time to get real…..

NYC Half Marathon March 18

Last time I ran it, I squeaked in just under 2 hours.   It was my goal and I pushed myself to do it.  Hard training.   Fast paces.  Lots of sweat. I even took a few selfies while doing it.


  This time around with the way things are this will not be my goal.   That doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have a goal.     I’m once again throwing down the gauntlet….. Ready…..

I want to go into this race fully trained.   Run it to the best of my current ability.   Not compare it to where I was in the past.   Push myself.  Finish it.  And most of all enjoy the experience.

This seems like a fantastic goal which means that I have to start training and actually train.   This is not a race not to enjoy.

I am not even going to entertain a timed goal right now.   What I am going to do is train.   Train. And Train some more.   I’ve recently been running but nothing more than I think 6 miles in the last month.    I’m going to figure out a training schedule and stick to it.

Simple enough, Right?

My head is finally clearing.   I know it wont’ be easy.   I know there will be days that I don’t want to do it.   I know there will be frustration, sore muscles, and everything in between but I want this.   I really, really want this.

So for today, I’m throwing it all out there.

I am a runner.   I can do hard things.   Life is not easy and anything worthwhile requires you to work for it.



Be Where You Are

And so it begins…..

I am committed to this.   I am all in.   It’s only been going on day 2 of the DASH diet and it sucks.   It’s not that I’m not eating yummy foods or even enough of them.   I am.   It’s the breaking my body from the unhealthy choices.    After this rest stage it will be easier and it will be better.   It helps that I lost a pound.   They do say that it is ok to weigh yourself every day in the initial reset stage as it will give you motivation.   This one missing pound is keeping me strong and I’m hoping that he takes many of his friends with him these next few weeks.

On top of eating better, I have been consistent with my training going on my second week now.   I’ve done some cross training, outside running, indoor biking, and even some treadmill running.   It’s just keeping my eye on the prize…..   The prize right now is getting my stamina back.   Feeling like I can do this again.  Feeling like I know what I’m doing.   One day at a time.   One workout at a time.

Here is one thing that I noticed today….

Ego and pride need to be checked at the door.   They serve no purpose and only hold you back.   I knew that today that I wanted to do a 5K on the treadmill today.   I wanted to run it faster than I have been running and use this indoor running time as a speed workout.    Here is where it gets dicey…. Speed workouts today are not where they were before.  It also doesn’t help that my body is adjusting to lower medication, so I could feel that I needed my cal-ez today.

My ego today wanted me to go full force.   I figured that if I had a calcium crash at least I would be at a public place:)   Luckily, I checked my ego.    Now this is not to say that I didn’t push myself because I did.   I just did it smartly for where I am today.    You can’t live in the past and you only have the day before you.  So today, I warmed up with a brisk walk and then took the treadmill up to 5.5 which is now really fast for me.   Then at the beginning of every mile, I would walk again in the beginning of each mile.   It helped me count down the miles too.  Then I sprinted the last part of the 5K.    My heart rate was up.   I was sweating.   It was a good run.

Run where you are, so that you can get to where you want to be.

One day at a time.

One Run at a time.

This is so true in all that we do..  Often we focus on where we used to be or where we are going that we forget to just enjoy where we are.   I’m trying.   I encourage you to try to.




Starting Line….


It’s funny I ran the Chicago Marathon  just 5 weeks ago, yet some how I feel like I couldn’t run around the block.   I don’t know how anyone who has run as many races as I have can still feel like she’s back at the starting line again, but I do.


This probably is not too far from the truth.

As I’ve been recovering from my tendonitis, I’ve been good.   I’ve been doing some limited running.   Some limited cross-training and lots of being lazy.   It’s really not been a good combination for the mind or body.

So as I often do when I feel like I need a little push of motivation, I have signed up for another race.   I know it’s shocking.    I’m trying to drag in….   I mean I’m trying to encourage others to join in on the fun.    I’ve got to say that i do miss the year we were chasing the 9 plus 1 and the fun we had.   It can not be repeated as it was such a special year, but I will say racing with friends is so much better than racing alone.

I needed Chicago to prove to myself that I could still finish a marathon if I wanted to.   Right now, I just want to run a half.   Plus it will keep me running during the holiday’s which really will be necessary.    I’m not even trying to be a super star.   I just want to run to run to find my love of running and racing again.   To get back to normal.

What race you ask…..

Fred Lebow

For extra motivation, I purchased the NYRR 10 week plan for this race.   I want to go into this race trained.   I want to get back to the confidence that comes with being trained.    That being said, my goal for this race is 2:25, so I’m not expecting for this training plan to turn me into speed racer.   Just to get me back into my routine of running.    I miss it.   I want to just let my body put in the miles and bring my mind the peace that running brings.

I have not formulated any plans other than Fred Lebow, but I do know that I just want to rediscover my passion for running.   It’s not as easy as it used to be, but I already know that.    This isn’t a fake it till you feel it thing either.    My body is already chomping at the bit.   I just have to get my head in gear.

So I’ve purchased the plan, so my head doesn’t have to do anything.   Let the body do it’s job.

Tomorrow is day 1 of training….


I’m Not One to Talk About it….



I complain a lot here, but in person not so much.   My family while they know that running is harder now, don’t realize how much harder it is for me now.  There are a few reasons..

  1. What is anyone going to do about it
  2. When your the only runner in the house, you know your spouses first reaction will be to tell you to stop running races and running at all.
  3. No one likes a complainer.

  Believe it or not, it’s not something I really like to talk about.

That’s what I have here for…


I feel like my life and training are on a bit of a yo-yo.    I’ve had some good runs recently.    Some I can do anything runs.    Then they are followed by the what the Hell am I doing this for runs.

Such is life.

I will say the What the Hell runs do give you the mindset to push through.    The other night I went out for a run.   I wanted to get in at least 6.   I was getting out later than I had wanted to, but you know life.   It was dark.   I was tired and had been on my feet most of the day.    By mile 3, I thought maybe I should cut the run short.   I reminded myself that “Marathons don’t just happen”   so I kept going.   I did need to stop sporadically to stretch my legs.   I find they are much sorer now than I ever remember them being.

Today I had toyed with going out for my long run.   The weather is perfect for running actually.  I have 18 on the books for this weekend.   I just feel that if I go out today it won’t be pretty.   Yesterday I went with the family to Hershey Park.   While it was a lot of fun, it was also a lot of walking.   Per my Garmin, at least 6 miles.    It was also a very long day as the Park is 2 1/2 hours away.

Last night I woke up with leg cramps.   I even got out of bed to take some Motrin.    I even moved to the couch thinking if I could recline and have my legs up that might help.   This morning they were still sore.

To put this in runners terms…..   I felt like I had run a very hard and fast half marathon yesterday.

After some foam rolling, stretching, more Motrin, and more stretching; my legs felt better.    I’m sporadically stretching throughout the day, but I think it would be best to do my long run tomorrow….. even if someone told me it’s supposed to rain.


I need to check the weather, but it’s 3:00 PM and I just don’t feel like starting a long run now.   I’m resting and taking it “easy” today.

This makes me think that it is a good thing that I am flying out Friday for Chicago Marathon.    Then I will spend Saturday resting as much as possible.   No wondering around the city.   Just as easy peasy as can be.    I’m finding that I do best with rest day’s in between runs.  I used to train with only one rest day a week.   Learning to run on tired legs.   Well now I don’t need to run every day for them to be tired.

It’s all good.

It will get done.

I will get my run in.

Training is different than in the past, but it’s still training.




Getting to the Finish Line…


I’ve already learned or should I say…. I’ve already made the mistake of crashin and burning at one marathon.   I went out WAY too fast in  New York running the first half like I didn’t have 13 more to go.   I suffered the consequences when I hit the wall and hit it hard.    I didn’t get my A, B, or even C goal.   I just squeaked in under the 5 hour mark which was my last resort.    All that being said, when I hit the wall, I was able to maybe not climb over it but I was able to push through it.   I made it to the finish line.

Here is the thing though…

I don’t want to admit it.   I want to pretend that I am exactly where I was a year ago, but every run proves me wrong.    I need to get my head screwed on straight and do it quick.

Yes I talk about it all the time, but it is past time that I stop pretending the I’m “recovering” from an injury at this point in time.   Yes, I did need to recover from my surgery.   Yes, there was a recovery time, but I am no longer recovering.   What I am dealing with is a lifelong illness.

Blah.. Blah… Blah…. Blah.

Yes, I talk about it all the time.   I think about it even more.

Right now though, I can’t both train for the distance and try to get my speed back.   There might come a time where I can hold the pace, but that time is not now.   And lets face it, I’m not getting any younger.   In two years I’m reaching a big milestone and people generally don’t get faster the older they get.   I’m pretty sure that I will not be that anomoly.

Does it suck?

you bet.

Could it be worse?


Am I lucky?


Do I have a choice?

Not really.

Here is the thing….   I can push myself to run a faster pace, but it is not a pace that I could hope to keep for a marathon.   It’s not even a pace that I can keep for a 5K.

Reality bites as they say.

So once again, I am faced with deciding if it is worth pushing my body to hit the wall in Chicago or if I want to make it to the finish line.   I’m pretty sure that I can’t do both.   I’m pretty certain that my training will go a lot better when I start facing the reality of where I am today.   Today, I am at a walk run ratio.   This does not mean that when I am running that I should be hitting under a 10 minute pace or even under 9 which I briefly did.   I’m not there yet.   Maybe once again but not today and certainly not in the 47 days till Chicago.

What to do?   What to do?

As a runner who likes numbers, it is hard to run/walk because when running alone I tend to push the run faster than I should.   I worry that I will do that in Chicago. It is always hard in any race to hold back even when you know you should.

I think what I realistically need to do is just say out loud that I may not run a 5:00 marathon.  I really am not sure what I can do, but am willing to find out.   I have to train to keep my runs where they should be which is no faster than a 10:45 pace.   I have to stop worrying about my average pace.    I have to say….

This is ok.

This is where I am.

The goal is to finish.

That is enough.

It has to be.

butterfly tied to rock



Going Soft

I’ve already said that I’ve gone soft around the middle some more, but I also am starting to wonder if I’m just going soft overall.

As a runner or any athlete, the goal is always to push yourself.   Push yourself hard.   Push yourself past the pain.    What if I’ve gone soft in no longer being able to do that?    What if I’ve become afraid to push myself too far, so I don’t push far enough?   For any athlete, you must always ask yourself, “How much more do I have in me?”

Prior to not having a fully functioning parathyroid, there was no fear in pushing my body to it’s limits. It was perfectly healthy and there were no real consequences to doing so.  Only short term pain. Once hypopara, there are real consequences.  So now I find that even when I push myself I may not push myself to the limit because there will be consequences that were not on the table before.

This week I’ve gone out for two runs so far.   I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zone some, but I’ve also been playing it safe.   I’m paying close attention to my body.    Both runs I used my version of the run/walk method as I don’t think that I would be able to do the run without it.    Both runs I thought to myself, “If I can’t even go this distance, how the Hell am I going to finish a marathon in just 2 months.”   In thinking that, I realized that prior to my surgery that would have never even crossed my mind that I couldn’t do it.

I also realized on these runs that once the breathing becomes heavy on my runs instead of pushing through, I back off some.    I’m trying to decide whether this is something that I need to do for my body or if my mind is playing tricks on me.    I can’t decide.   I also am wondering if I learn to keep the pace slow and steady if that would help me to run farther without walking.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with the walk/run method.   I know many people who use it.    I’ve even had some in my hypopara groups say that they wouldn’t be running without it.  I’m still just trying to find out where I am and what I should be doing.   I’m still trying to let go of old expectations.    Mostly, I’m still trying to figure out what my body needs to do it’s job without my mind playing tricks on me.

Running is mental.   We all know that.   In the back of my mind though, I worry that I’m going to push my body too far.   It is one of the reasons that I stick to main roads now.   I think, “well if something happens and I need help…..”    This is not really me and I don’t like the way this person thinks.

The trick is to test my limits without being an idiot.   Hmmmm.  Not sure how that works.

As always

I’m a work in progress