Tag Archive | loosing weight

Complicated

Jan25

Complicated Relationships

I have lots of complicated relationships. To be honest, who doesn’t?

I love my blog, but I have not been great about blogging recently…… Complicated

I love to run, but haven’t been running much lately……. Complicated.

I want a clean house, but I hate to waste time cleaning it….. Complicated

I want to be a size 8 or honestly I would take 10 at this point, yet really don’t do what is necessary to make that happen…… Complicated.

I miss running with my friends, yet don’t seem to have the time to meet up with them as our schedules don’t mix….. Complicated.

I have a VERY complicated relationship with food.   To be honest, who doesn’t?

The problem I have is the all or nothing mentality and often we might be the ones complicating things more than they need to be.

As I previously mentioned, I’ve met with a nutrionist a few times now. She has given me some good feedback. We have talked about different food choices, adding more protein to diet and less carbs, and looking at better options overall. Things that most of us all know, but she has given some good tips. Overall it has been worth it.

Here is the complication though……. While I know everything she says is valid, I am beginning to wonder if I have the conviction to actually follow through. So far the answer to that will be a resounding no. I can’t even get myself to track my food choices for a day or two. Now maybe it’s because I know where I’m going off track and I don’t want a paper trail to remind me. Maybe it’s because I’m not determined enough to follow through. Maybe….. Maybe….. Maybe….

There are so many reasons we don’t reach where we think we want to go and I maybe to the point where I, honestly, am not sure I want to got there anymore.

I just had my physical in December. Cholesterol only went up 4 points and blood pressure is still really good. So while I have all the other stuff with my Hypopara going against me, relatively everything else is looking ok.

So now the questions I need to ask……

What do I really want and what am I willing to do for it?

Simple.

Yet, complicated….

Answers will be coming shortly and probably changing as time passes.

Any Day is the Day

Jan1

The problem with creating goals is that we either make goals that are too big or goals that are too small. We need to find the Goldilocks of goals to actually be able to do what we want. And when I say we, I mean me. Here is the thing……. I am not at a place where I am going to make a goal for a specific pace, number of events, streaking, or even number of pounds.

Here’s the problem…….

When goals are too small, you reach them. Check it off your list and move on. But that is hardly ever the problem. Often we make BIG BIG goals which sometimes require not just small changes but overall life change. You can’t change everything at once or it gets both too overwhelming and actually unreachable. And we are at that time of year again where people will resovle to turn it all around.

Here is the harsh truth. Some statistics show that 25% fail with in the first week. After 6 months, only 46% are still on track and by year end only 9% feel that they kept their resolutions.

Now this is not to say that you shouldn’t make resolutions. Goals. Want to do better. Definitely, we should all strive to do better…..

but….

but…

What if we do it in a more realistic way. A smarter way. A way where we might actually reach our goals. The problem though is (for me) it can’t be an all or nothing approach from the beginning because if thats the case I will be out by the end of first week.

Yes, I know my end goal is to eat healthier, loose some pounds, get on a track with an exercise program. That is a lot to take on our once and I know I won’t do it all the first day of January! So I am going to make small goals along the way. Reachable goals with attainable, verifiable checkmarks.

  1. Start tracking food. I need to do this as I am meeting with nutritionist on the 12th. So I have to track for this appointment to actually mean anything. (Attainable and realistic goal).
  2. I am not training for anything right now. Not planning to do so either, but I have a home gym and really no excuse not to use it. I also know that streaking isn’t for me. I’m tired. I work. I have a life, but I need to be active for 30 minutes at least 4 days a week. This will be 4 days more than I am right now, so theres that bonus.

Thats it for now. I can’t realistically make more of a plan than that because if I do, I am setting myself up for failure. So with that I am starting my year off with hope! Every year, every day, every hour, and even if you need to hold onto it every minute is a new opportunity. A new chance to reach, to dream, to plan.

So on this first day of the year, it is always a time to reflect. Reflect on where we came from. The struggles we’ve overcome. The joys and triumphs. To think about what we want to accomplish. What we want to plan. Where we want to end up. So while time really is a man-made constraint and we don’t need to wait for this first day to make a change, this is a day we are wired to do so. The bottom line though, is that if you don’t do it today, you can still do it tomorrow or any day you choice. For me, I choice today.

And with that, I will lace up and do my local Hangover 5k…… And I’m off.

I’m Not That Evolved

Nov3

I have a confession to make….. The number on the scale still bothers me. I know it shouldn’t. I know I am more evolved. I know it is just a number, but…. But…. But….

The two sides of my brain fight this one out. I know that the number is NOT important. I know what is more important is overall health. I know that there are other much more important numbers, such as blood pressure (good), cholesterol (fair but in range) and all the other numbers I need to keep in check due to my hypopara. I also know the number on the scale does not affect my quality of life, change the way my loved ones feel about me, nor honestly change anything about my life. It doesn’t keep me from doing things. It doesn’t honestly affect my life in any way…. With the honest exception of that it does make running a little more challenging than it needs to be on my feet.

I’m not blowing smoke. I know all of these things. I know that the scale does not control my life. I know the scale does not change my life. I am a fairly confident person. The scale doesn’t keep me from doing anything and yet….

I can admit that it bothers me.

Now I am not saying that it bothers me enough to do a drastic life altering diet change. I also admit that while I have started to track my food. This is honestly based on the fact that I am trying to meet nutritional goals. Lean proteins. Less Carbohydrates. Meeting calcium and nutritional goals for overall health. My nutritionist pointed out that while weight is not our goal that by meeting my nutrional goals while also adding strength training and balanced exercise regime, the wight loss will be potential possible side effect. There is no calorie counting. There is what are the best calories to consume.

So why knowing all of this does the number on the scale still bother me? Can I blame society as much as I blame my non existent metabolism? I know things are slowly changing. Companies are using models based on “real” women. Disney just had a short with a bigger protagonist. People keep fighting back against body shaming…. Yet, these are the exceptions and not the norms because if they weren’t they wouldn’t make the news. Top “influencers” (still don’t get that one) are still using filters to get unattainable goals. Plus, I am of the age of barbie, I Dream of Jeanie, and grew up the “fat kid.” Not sure you can every fully get away from those forces.

Yet…… I try…….. not enough that I stopped stepping on the scale. That I don’t have a weight goal. That I wouldn’t love to wake up tomorrow and be 135 pounds again. Once again not enough to take the unhealthy (for me) drastic steps to reach these goals. Part of me would love to drop the 20 pounds. That being said, realistically I will be very happy if I drop 10 pounds which would still leave me in the overweight category but take my BMI out of the obesity category.

Life Goals…..

Health Goals

Be Kind…. Even to Yourself

Jul25

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we always put ourselves down? Why don’t we treat ourselves the way we treat our friends? Why aren’t we kinder to ourselves?

Inquiring minds want to know!

As with everyone, I am in a few group message chains with my friends. These forms of communication are even more important now when you can’t see your friends. In one of these groups recently, we were all saying all the bad but very tasty things we were eating that we shouldn’t be. Then how we needed to get on track. On and on….. You know this conversation because I’m sure you’ve had these converstions.

(Sidebar – Do ONLY women have these conversations? Seriously. Although my husband has said to me about getting back on track, I don’t think he discusses with his fishing or work buddies. Maybe I’m wrong. Am I? )

Anyway after this conversation where we were all beating ourselves up about gaining weight, not loosing weight, and our bad eathing habits I started to think…..

This particular group was a bunch of running Mamas. Some are still running and training for virtual marathons. Those of us not running are still active. We are not sitting on the couch eating bon bons all day even during a pandemic.

A wise friend said, “Life has been extra nuts lately right ? Eat the damn cake chocolate pie cookie ..drink the wine beer pizza whatever …and more importantly be kind to ourselves”

Why is it so hard to be kind to ourselves?

If a friend calls us and tells us they totally blew their diet, blew through their Weight Watcher points, or gained weight; we would come back to them with a kind word (at least I hope so!). We would not berate them. We would not tell them they were hopeless. We would not tell them they blew it. We would reply that it’s ok. That tomorrow is another day. That each day is hard enough without beating themselves up. We would be kind.

So lets be kind to ourselves. Let’s start by treating ourselves the way we treat our friends. Let’s start by giving ourselves a break. Let’s start by knowing that it’s ok to eat the donut, eat the cake, and even eat the brownie but just maybe not in the same night. And if for some reason, we do eat them all in the same night to pick ourselves up the next day and say it’s ok. We will do better.

Here is another thing. As a woman of a certain age, it is pretty damn hard to loose weight. Hormones are all over the place. Metabolism is non existent. Then add no thyroid and a non working parathyroid glands and it is perfect storm of impossible weight loss.

Seriously.

No joke.

No lie.

Now I am by no means saying it is impossible to loose the weight. I am just saying that I am not committed enough right now to engage in trying to the extreme necessary. And while I may eat the donuts, the cake, the treats for the most part I really am not a bad eater. I eat a fairly healthy diet filled with lots of fruits and vegetables For right now, I have embraced a pescatarian diet. I don’t really eat much processed foods. I’ve dieted. I’ve trained and run marathons. On paper, I look good. On the scale is another story.

My sister has suggested that I talk to my doctor about hormone replacement therapy. Truth be told, I take so many pills a day because of my Hypoparathyroidism that the thought of adding to the mix is just tiresome. So I am at a loss and I really do not feel the need to go to extremes as I have maintained where I am for the last 3 years since my surgery when I added these extra 20 pounds.

Now please don’t take this to mean that I have given up. I haven’t. I am not sure when yet, but I will once again start tracking my food. This actually is more for when I go to the doctors for my physical so that we can discuss it. Although my doctor is not one to use the scale as the be all indicator of health. If your doctor isn’t, I would say find one!

Now with all this being said, I am not saying that I wouldn’t be thrilled to wake up 20 pounds lighter tomorrow. I’m just saying for right now….. With all that is going on in the world…… It is just not my priority. I am not saying it won’t one day in the near future, but for today I am content to walk my mile a day and complete my 30 day yoga challenge.

One Month

Dec3

A month ago I ran the NYC Marathon. Ok, a month ago I power walked the NYC Marathon. Since then….. Not so much. And when I say not so much, I really mean nothing. No cross training. No biking. No nothing.

At first, I said that it was because I needed to rehab my feet which is truthful. They need to get it together. Although a month of rest probably was just what they needed to deal with the Plantar Fasciitis. Then I believe I’m also dealing with Morton’s Neuroma probably aggravated from the power walking which has a completely different landing than running. So rest has been good.

Right up until it becomes more than rest.

So much in life is out of our control. Sometimes it feels like nothing is in our control and no matter how hard we try, we are running in the wind. After a while it is easy to give up trying because what’s the point. It’s easy to use a crutch even a valid crutch to blame everything on until you just stop trying.

I’ve been thinking about the Decade Challenge. I’m sure you’ve seen it on Facebook. The compare where were you then compared to now. I find it somewhat depressing. I jumped in 2013 training for my first ever event… A Sprint Triathlon. You know because why start small and it would be a great way to get back to being healthier. That was just the beginning as you know.

I did get healthier. Probably the fittest that I had ever been. Up until being healthy wasn’t in my control. With the surgery leaving me with Hypothyroidism (expected) and Hypoparathyroidism (very unexpected), I gained 20 pounds. I lost a lot of my steam. I deal with aches, pains, memory issues, and just generally feeling sucky on a daily basis. I persevered and pushed on moving while at a slower pace still moving.

Then there was the beautiful Natapara (my Hypopara peeps understand) which brought me back to normalcy. I was living the life again until the rug was pulled out. Yeah, I know you’ve heard this before. Without the Natpara I had decisions to make. Is it smart to push my body to the limits? If I want to continue to run, I have to get the feet issues under control which also requires addressing the weight issue. For me, with the issues I’ve had with my feet the extra weight is a problem. For me, I’m also not happy with where I am. No, I will never be a size 6 but I need to get back to where I my jeans fit.

Part of having so much in your life out of your control is that it is easier to not face the truth. The truth that while there is so much out of control that there is much in your control. Not to say that the things in your control are easy to face, deal with, or tackle but they are still there. Sometimes the hardest thing is deciding what to do and after that things fall into place. This is true for so many things in our lives. The holding pattern is what keeps us from moving forward. The fear of what if I can’t do it? What if it’s the wrong decision? What if….?????? What if……..??????? What if…..???????? It’s the what if’s in life that hold you down and the fear of failure that keep you from trying.

It is my fear of failure that has kept me from getting back on the horse with my weight. Hubby and I tried in January. He lost 50 pounds. I lost 4 and I’m not sure but I think I may have found them. While he does have it easier by virtue of just being a man. No I’m not being sexist…… My doctor has even used the phrase, “A woman your age with hormone blah, blah, blah….” So there’s that. Than the lack of thyroid. Then the aches, pains, and exhaustion that comes with Hypopara. Yup. Out of my control. What is in my control is what I put in my mouth. How I decide to use my energy and give myself on the days where there is none.

This probably is a good time to start too because it will keep me in check during the holiday season. And while I do have a limited amount of energy during the day, I can find time to do something for myself with it while doing what needs to be done. Simple things that I actually enjoy. Like this morning dusting off my juicer and having a yummy clean eating juice for breakfast instead of processed food. My body needs less processed foods and when I’m eating right, I feel better. I think that’s true for most of us.

I don’t expect this to be easy. I hope that I don’t give up. Even if it takes longer than I want….. Even if it seems impossible…… I know that what I put into my body is equally as important if not more than what the scale says. Most of all I hope to once again realize that I can do hard stuff even if it seems much harder now than it used to be.

So with all of that I’m already thinking of goals for 2020 and ways to actually reach them. Because as the saying goes, hindsight is 2020 (yeah mom joke there… my apologies, but that’s just me).

Laying It All Out There….

Feb5

I’m being Bold.

Yesterday while pursuing the internet, I was reading an article that was about healthy weights and BMI (Body Mass Index).   I thought to myself, “I know that I need to loose a few pounds but I wonder where I stand with my BMI.”

After calculating it, I found out a shocking fact.   A fact that I don’t believe.   It’s not that I am in denial.   It’s just that I think it’s totally wrong and this chart doesn’t take into account many things.   Curious as to what this chart told me?

According to this handy dandy chart that many healthcare professionals (and I’m sure insurance company’s use) to help determine my health,

I am

Wait for it.

Here it comes….

I am (according to the chart)

Overweight (yeah, I know),

but also according to the chart

on the boarder of becoming obese.

Yup, you heard me.

NJS1117 NJS1006

This apparently is what borderline obese looks like.

NJ State Tri

As the saying goes, I beg to differ.

I’ve discussed this before in  It’s Really Just A Number.

Today, I’m going one step further and putting it out there as I’m not ashamed and it really is what it is.   I’m 150ish pounds depending on the day.

It’s just a number after all.  Yes, a little bigger than I would like, but it does not define me.

Yes, I do know that I could stand to loose 10 pounds and maybe a few more.  I’m not disputing that.   Never have.  I just like food.  I admit it.   Yes, I am 5 foot 2.   Yes, I weight between 150 and 155.   Yes, according to the handy dandy chart a healthy weight for me is between 118 and 132.    Well, I haven’t seen those numbers since before my first son was born and I doubt very much that I will ever see them again. I’m ok with that as I’m doing ok as I am.   I would really settle for 140 to 145 but I’m not actively dieting.  I’m ok with that too..

Now, to go a step further, this handy dandy chart does not take many other factors into account.  It is a generic chart that too many people depend on to determine their health.  It does not take my muscle tone into account.   I’m not one to brag, but my legs are solid muscle.   Solid.   My arms aren’t’ too flabby either.   I will readily admit that I have no muscle mass around my belly and it does like to jiggle like a bowl full of jelly which I’m working on (sometimes).   I will also admit that I very comfortable in a  size 8 and if I don’t want to breathe I can fit into a 6.

So please, please tell me how this makes me borderline obese.   I hate that there are people looking at just these charts, looking in the mirror and then feeling bad about themselves.   One size does not fit all and we have to stop generalizing sizes, weights, BMI, and everything in between based on a number or size.

I will further say that even with a high BMI, my cholesterol is VERY good with my good levels being much much higher than my bad which is very low.   I have  good blood sugar levels, blood pressure and all those other things they check.

So my question is why we always try to fit everyone into one mold?

All this work for that??

Mar8

I have been working out at the gym now for a little more than a month.   I have to say that I have been  very good about going.    I try to go at least 3 times a week to a bootcamp class.   Then on my off days, I am going to try to do some prep training.   

This week I went swimming for an hour.   Ok, I admit it, I did have some giggles with my girlfriend; so probably only for about 45 minutes.   And we were doing laps.   That’s got to burn some calories and fat.   All the while we were doing it though, we kept saying how are we going to swim a 1/2 mile?   Do you know a half mile in a lap pool is 18 times up and 18 times back.  Yup, 36 laps.   We may have swam that many laps, but we did stop to take breaks.   There are no sides to the bay for us to rest on in September, so we are going to keep swimming.  “just keep swimming.  just keep swimming.”   

But what got me this week is that with all this exercise and training, I have only lost 6 pounds!!   Now, I realize that I am building muscle.   I also realize that my waist is shrinking as I now fit into a pair of jeans comfortably that used to look like I needed grease to put them on.   So I do realize that I am reshaping my body out of it’s rounded shape.   But I am stuck on the number.   Are you kidding me!   6 pounds!!!   My girlfriends have all assured me that my body is adjusting to the new healthier eating and working out.   And when it is done adjusting the weight is just going to come right off.    I’m not patient, but I guess I’ve got no choose right now but to keep plugging away.

That is the other good thing about signing up for the Triathalon, I do have to keep plugging away.   I have told everyone I’m doing it.   I put it out on Facebook.   I did this not because I’m trying to brag, but because now that everyone knows I can’t quit.   Too many people know and there is no where to hide now:)

 

Live, Laugh, Love!