100 Days……

100 days is so far away, yet so close. 100 days till NYCM. 100 days to worry if my training is not enough. 100 days to doubt if my body can handle it. 100 days to worry about what is going on with the new Delta Covid Variant and how this will all play out.

On top of that…..

100 days to fundraise. 100 days to spend as much time fundraising as I do training. 100 days to continue to remind people of the good work that Sandy Hook Promise does that only happens with fundraising. 100 days to remind people that while I do love running this race is more than about running. 100 days to hit my goal.

Is there anyone who doesn’t take on this challenge who doesn’t question why they are doing it, if they should be doing it, and how you can do it better.

Now don’t get me wrong. Training is going good. Although I have already had some foot pain which is concerning. This are things that lead to doubt. These are things that make me realize that I need to go see my podiatrist. More just to make sure that there are no issues and to see if it is time for new inserts for my shoes. I just don’t want to deal with foot pain all through out training and I did have that pain after running only 8 miles. So there is concern.

One thing that I hate to admit as I’ve had issues with my feet 20 pounds ago…… The extra weight is not helping when it comes to my foot health. It’s not so much the weight but the weight combined with being prone to having issues with my feet is not a good combo. Although this time the pain was different. It was on the outside of my foot, so I wonder if something else is going on. And while I know the easy solution is to say….. I’m going to loose 20 pounds. That is much easier said than done.

So the reality is that I’m not going to loose the 20 pounds. Unless I plan to go on a very strict diet (which I won’t), I need to figure out some things out.

  Should this be my last marathon (thats a hard one)

 Do I need to see my podiatrist (yes)

Is it time for new insoles?   (Not sure)

Do I need to focus on foot strike and form (maybe)

GRRRRRR

I really need to not bury my head in the sand like I’ve done in the past and takle this head on.    Although I do like to ignore things till they blow up in my face.  (Doesn’t everyone or is that just me?)

It annoys me too because this go around I am doing everything that I should be doing. But for now, it is not something that is bad enough to cause me to stop. Besides I already have some ideas – like to spend some of my “foundation runs” with biking. To make sure to spend stretching and just listening to my body.

100 days……..

Skipping a Week

Week one of marathon training went so smoothly, I thought this is going to be fabulous. Right up until half way through week two when I came down with a bad cold. Now I do know it’s only a cold because due to my job and abundance of caution at first sign of symptoms I got a covid test. No covid but a really bad cold. At first it was settling in my chest with a really bad cough. I had thought about trying to run through it but not really smart thing to do. I even googled running with cold and the consensus was not to push through with cold symptoms below the neck. So I didn’t.

Besides the fact that I really don’t think that I could have anyway. Kind of hard to run when your hacking up a lung and and elephant was sitting on your chest. So I missed some runs including my first “long run.” But it seems like while the cold hasn’t passed it is no longer in my chest. The cough is mostly gone. Currently I am just constantly blowing my nose. My eyes are watering, but my chest is clear. So I guess I will call that a win and I’m sure you could have used without that update.

Today is a rest day and while I had thought of maybe making up a run, I thought better of it. So I will pick up week three of marathon training while skipping over week two. Hopefully by the time I run tomorrow my nose will be done running, so my feet can go it alone. Either that or maybe I can run out the cold.

Good times.

So not much to report seeing as this was not a stellar week. I am jumping back in this week and hoping for the best.

Do you push through when you aren’t feeling well?

Slow, Steady & Moving Foward

One week in and 17 more to go, but training seems to be falling into place. Just so happens that a woman in my running circle is also planning to run NY. We are off similar ages and abilities. In talking to her, I explained the 80/20 plan that I am doing. She decided that is a good fit for her and the beautiful thing is that it seems like are fitness level and training zones are compatible, so it’s a go. We are doing slightly different plans, but we can make it work.

I forgot how good it was to run with people. I haven’t really done it in a long time even pre-covid. When people are training seriously even if they say “I will run whatever you are running,” it doesn’t always work out. They aren’t getting the training they need. You feel bad for holding them back or maybe worse run too fast which is worse than running too slow. So finding a training partner for a marathon where you can do many runs together is nice. Even better when you really like the person:)

So week one went well. I will say that holding back is harder than it sounds. All your life you are told to give it all you’ve got. ….To push yourself to the limits…..If you don’t push yourself who will. ……. I’m sure you can think of others that you’ve told yourself. It is always…. GO….GO…. GO.

Now it is…. Slow down. Don’t push it. Slow and steady. It’s harder than it sounds. More times than you would think this past week, it was “we are running too fast.” We need to slow down. We are breathing too hard. Now don’t get me wrong, with the heat and humidity in Jersey this past week slow and steady still was hard. The heart rate spiked a few times. Sweat happened. It was not “easy.”

Here is the thing though….. After this first week of running, there was not a run that when it ended I didn’t think that I could do more. I could run further. I could run faster. I also was able to recover from these runs which is key.

So as I dig deeper into this training, I really need to find out if the zone that my garmin is saying are the right zones. I also would love it if my heart rate didn’t seem to jump up quickly. To keep myself where I needed to be and bring my heart rate down, I would walk until I got back into the zone. So I need to work on this. It will come.

As I do this, I am also in the marathon of fundraising. It’s kind of like doing 2 marathons at once. I’m working on collecting auction items which after this last year you can imagine is not easy task, but onward I go. I’ve gotten some good ones already. (If you know of any, I’m all ears).

So onward I go….. Slow, Steady, and moving foward.

Heath Check… One… Two…

So while I have not signed the contract to run NYCM with Sandy Hook Promise, I am laying groundwork. I do think paperwork should be with-in the next week and then it’s off to training we go.

That being said, I am already laying the groundwork. I have my training plan loaded in Training Peaks which I will officially start next week. Until then, I am in pre-training which I should enjoy while I can. I am also not looking to train for speed, but train for a great experience running. But first…..

I am also crossing all the T’s and dotting all the I’s with taking care of myself. I finally after years of my family telling me to get it checked out (again) saw a Pulmonologist and did a sleep study. Not too bad….. I only stop breathing 40-45 an hour and have severe sleep apnea. CPAP apparently is in my near future.

So while this sounds bad, it helps because maybe just maybe my down to the bone tiredness has nothing to do with my Hypopararthyroidism, but the fact that I am getting terrible night sleep! So besides, you know keeping me breathing at night and heading off any potential health issues; this will more than likely also help me with my training since I won’t be so exhausted all the time. Win.. Win.

Then next month (you know because it takes that long to get an appointment) I have my normal visit with my Endocrinologist for my Hypopara stuff and I am going to see Urologist to check on kidneys since I have a high output of calcium in urine. Although now wondering if I made appointment with right type of doctor and might have been better served with nephrologist but too late now. Would rather get some answers than no answers and can always follow up with the nephrologist if I think need to.

By this time, I will hopefully be a month and half into training. I am excited to start. And while my Sandy Hook Promise team place isn’t finalized yet, I think I will stick with training even if something happens.

So it’s go time….. As they say…..

There may come a day that I can not run, but today isn’t that day and I’m going to keep going.

It is NOT a Number Game

When you are a fairly active person and you still are not a size 8, people automatically assume that it is your diet. Like everything in life…sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. And as always people should just never assume.

Even at my fittest which I would put about 2015/2016, I was according to all medical and fitness charts overweight.

Oh those Crossfit days…..

I would go in for yearly checkups and when the doctor would ask how active I was, I always felt like I got the side eye….. Yes, I am active. I do cross-training, I run all the time and even am training for a marathon. I actually changed doctors around this time because one told me that I should try having a protein shake for breakfast and a salad for lunch… blah..blah…blah.. She only looked at the numbers and not full picture. Luckily my current doctor is not tied to charts and scales. She takes into account all the other numbers which have always been good. Although I admit my cholesterol is starting to creep up (not to a point where I would need medication, but for me I see a pattern). That might just be genetics and age at this point too.

Anywho…… Here we are at a point where I am no longer at “my Peak” but I am still a fairly active person. I do have to remind myself that I do not to have to be as active as I used to be, but that I do need to keep moving which I have been (I will update on that another day).

So today, I was thinking about things as I was going about my workout. I am no longer a size 8 nor do I think it would be possible without changes I do not plan to implement because I do not find it necessary. Anyhow……. And maybe it’s just me and my insecurities…….. I sometimes feel like people don’t feel like you are really trying hard enough if your goal isn’t to “get in shape.” That you are eating nothing but chips, chocolate, and ice cream. They would be wrong.

Here is the thing….. I really am in shape. I’m a bigger shape maybe, but I am also a healthy shape. I also while I readily admit do treat myself, overall I eat a very healthy diet. I am a pescatarian, so I eat a lot of veggies. I eat a lot of healthy fish. Probably don’t drink as much water as I should but trying to get better. I realized this morning that I think I have been pescatarian now for about a year. There really was never a day where I threw down the gauntlet, but it was a gradual change that occurred during pandemic. The longer I ate this way, the more I enjoyed it. I can honestly say that I do not miss meat which my husband as he was grilling a porterhouse steak this past weekend could not understand how I was satisfied with my yummy grilled portabella mushrooms. I really was….100%.

So as I go about working on my fitness goals, I wish people would not assume that the reason I am doing what I am doing is because I feel that I need to fit a certain mold or size. And even though I might also admit that the extra weight might keep me from “peak performance” that is my weight to bear and not theirs.

So when you look at an athlete or ANYONE, we really should not make assumptions about them based on something that really is not anyone’s business. Believe me EVERY overweight person knows they are overweight but not every overweight person feels the same about it.

Lastly…… unless you are their doctor or trainer, it really isn’t your place to question it either.

Golden Jet

Let’s first start off with if you want a fun semi action comedy, Central Intelligence is funny. Maybe it’s because I like The Rock or maybe it’s because Kevin Hart is so funny, but it’s one of those movies if it’s on tv you watch it. Anywho…….

Right now I am waiting for my new running shoes to come and I am not running until they come. I haven’t really been paying attention to them and even though I kept saying that I needed to get a new pair, I never did. I also didn’t realize how far gone they were. I think not having actual races last year where I would pay better attention that I just let things slide.

Exhibit A

As I said last post, I am rethinking my training anyway. Plugging through my 80/20 training book, but I am also thinking of non running training. Back in the day (and I mean 2015), I loved not just Crossfit but Cross training. I did Crossfit. I biked. I swam. I did Yoga. I worked with a Personal Trainer. I did group classes. Then I ran and then I ran and ran and ran and stopped doing anything else. So as I ease back into my running and training, I want to keep the balance that I used to have. I want to keep the balance for a few reasons.

  1. “A woman my age” really needs to have balance.
  2. Not that I am going to be as fast or am training for speed, but my best runs overall were when I was more diversified in my training.
  3. My body could really do with the steady stretching of yoga
  4. I miss having good arms and I’ve recently been told by one of my 3 year old students that I have “squishy arms.”
  5. I actually like cross training when I think about it and admit it

So here we are, me trying to become a less rounded person by being more rounded. I have been using an app not on a regular basis, but plan to for cross training. They have a free version which is fabulous. Although I admit the free version constantly reminds you that they have a paid version. That being said they have a whole slew of workouts for everyone and every mood. From meditation to kickboxing to strength training to no equipment and the list goes on. Now in order for me to commit to it, today I decided to buy the year subscription. Honestly for thirty bucks it is still a steal. That used to be my monthly gym fee.

So today I was doing a weight training and a Tabata workout. I had everything here to make it an intense workout. As I was beginning the workout and the instructor was talking about what weights to use. I was ready to grab the bigger weights that we have. I was reliving my Golden Jet moments when I used to be able to bench press. I’m not sure if I have my training journals from back in the day, but I know my deadlift and chest press totals were impressive. So today, I was thinking go for the big weights.

Golden Jet

Golden Jet

Golden Jet

Luckily I remembered that he landed face first when trying to live his glory days. So I dialed it down a notch or two. Guess what? I had a kick ass workout at the intensity that I should be out. So here is to working on a new Golden Jet flip but one that I am actually in a position to land safely.

A Small Step is still a Step Foward

I used to always use the expression

I not only used it, but I meant it. Well what if now I’m not so bold. If I don’t want to go big? If I don’t want to go bold? Yes, I do like the thought of going home, but before doing that I do want to do some stuff.

I remember when I first started running races and my son who was much younger at the time asked me if I was going to win. After laughing, I told him that not only would I not win but I wouldn’t even be close to winning. He looked at me puzzled and asked then why would I even do it. As runners, we know that is a loaded question!

Anyway….. at the time my answer was about pushing myself to do hard things and such. I’m not really there and haven’t been for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, I have been pushing myself to do hard things but the definition of hard has changed:)

So here is where I am………. Some days, I think…. I am going to get up and run. I am going to do xyz……. Then I don’t……. Then I beat myself up because I didn’t do xyz. You know that viscous cycle. That hamster wheal of shame. I want to get off the hampster wheal. I know that I don’t have the drive that I used to have. I don’t have it for many reasons. That being said, I am not ready to stop challenging myself.

This month will tell me a lot about what I want to do. It will give me some answers to is everything I’ve been fealing hypopara related. I’m going for a sleep study as there is a distinct possibility that some of my exhaustion might be due to sleep apnea. Like literally this morning after a full night sleep I woke up exhausted as did hubby due to my snoring. So we will see where that takes us. I am also doing my 24 hour urine test. If things look good, I would like to up my calcium as I am also tired of living in the low to under calcium levels. Plus as I do more physically, I also need to take more calcium. Your body uses more calcium too, but since your body regulates it you don’t even notice.

What I am thinking for this month is just reset number 1 million and 10. I have been reading the 80/20 training method and before I start it, I probably should finish the book but it seems promising. I also would like to start using all those weights that have been getting dusty. I know I am past my crossfit days, but I really do enjoy training with weights. Plus as they say…. A woman your age should strength train even if my days of massive weights are gone. I would like to do something every day….. Be it a mile walk, biking, yoga, strength training. I think mentally it will be good fo me. Plus I do know that physically it would be good too.

I think though, I am going to give myself some flexibility and lots of slack. Just small goals. No go big or go home goals. Just do something good for yourself and go home:). Small steps eventually get you to the end of the road too!

If ever you have suffered from depression, you learn that sometimes small steps will help you….. Get out of bed. Take a shower. Household chores…. Going to work……. Just going through the motions. Those that have suffered know that these small steps help them to get to a place where they can take the bigger step of dealing with it. Sometimes life really is about fake it till you feel it. And while I am not currently dealing with depression, I am going to utilize this same strategy to get me to the next step.

Waiting is the Hardest Part

We all know the expression…….

Good things come to those that wait

But what if we are tired of waiting? What if we have no patience? What if it comes in the wrong package? The wrong size? The wrong XYZ?

As a baker and gardener, I know the importance of waiting.

Waiting for the dough to rise….

Waiting for the cake to cool before icing.

Waiting for the marshmallows to set.

Waiting….

Waiting…..

Waiting……..

As a gardener, I also know the importance of putting in the work and waiting. Planting in the fall. Months and months go by and nothing. Seeing the buds grow in the the Spring. Patience and waiting for finally a full bloom.

So with all that being said, it’s not like I don’t have patience. That I don’t know that really good things do come to those that wait even if it might not be as expected.

I will wait for baked goods.

I will wait for flowers.

I will even wait for family, friends, kids and on and on the list goes….

So why am I so impatient with myself?

Why do I expect results immediately? Why do after just a brief amount of time do I stop waiting, maybe give up, change plans, and move on to something else? The self fulfilling prophecies. Maybe it’s time to learn a little more patience.

Remember that Feeling

Remember as a kid, you did things just to do them. Remember that feeling of just doing nothing and being content with it. Remember when you were younger going out with your friends for no reason with no destination, but just to drive and listen to music. Remember the days where you didn’t feel like you needed a purpose, destination, or challenge?

Today my hubby and I took a drive to a Garden Center to pick up a tree to replace one that didn’t survive the harsh winter. As we were driving, I was looking at the well manicured lawns, the not so well manicured lawns, and the “natural lawns.” Personally I enjoy the more natural looking yards from the “well manicured” pristine lawns. The well manicured to me are just fighting for perfection that was never meant to be nor natural…… Plus they are a lot of work. Although I have a mix of a well manicured and natural looking gardens and it is definitely not less work

Anywho…… What do these things have in common.

They are all about control.

When we were younger, we just let things take their course. Whatever happened happened. Then as we grew up had responsibilities , we needed to start taking control. We had to take control of schedules, budgets, other people, on and on the list went. Everything needed to be managed. Everything needed to be planned. We needed goals. We needed challenges. Everything was about finding our purpose. Finding our bliss. Even that became something to plan. Sometimes we found it. Sometimes we didn’t, but in the search we realized that sometimes it’s ok not to have a plan.

Some of my fondest memories from when I was younger was just hanging out with my friends. Times when we weren’t doing anything. Just hanging out on the beach. Going for a drive/walk. It wasn’t about reaching a destination, but about just the moment.

Since I started running, I’ve always been goal oriented even when trying not to be. Goals to hit a certain pace, distance, event, miles. Even when I was regularly practicing yoga it became about challenging myself to practice for a certain number of days or attain a certain pose. It wasn’t about just being.

I am trying to learn how to just be. To allow my running to be about nothing more nothing less than just about the running. No challenges. No paces. No distances.

Since new CDC guidelines I have met two friends for two different runs/walks. One friend we just walked and talked. One friend does the Jeff Galloway run/walk program, so we did that. Both of these started with much needed hugs as I haven’t seen either of them for a long time. (Sidebar – it felt really great to hug them). Anyway, I enjoyed both of these get togethers tremendously.

I always say that I need a purpose/challenge to get me out the door running. I want my purpose for now simply to be about the running. The meeting up with friends again. Friends who if I can run their pace, I will run their pace. Friends who might need to slow down to run my pace. Running by myself, just because I want to go for a run not because I need to go for a run.

Doesn’t that sound wrong? Ha! We are so trained that we always need to be working on something, to be improving something, to be striving for something that somehow the thought of just saying that I am not actively working, training, or planning anything seems like I am doing something wrong when for me it seems like I am doing something right and that is enough.

For now….

Season of Our Life

After my last post, Olderrunner2 commented about “different stages of our life.” It reminded me of something my Mother ALWAYS said and still says about “The Seasons of her life.” She has used this espression for as long as I could remember. To be honest, I always found it somewhat annoying especially because often it was comparing which seasons we were in and her missing where I was at. When you are in midst of a harsh winter (think when you have 3 boys under the age of 6, you are only thinking about Spring). She would say to me, “Well I am at a different Season. You are in best Season of your life. While we obviously in different seasons, I’m not sure there is a best just different.

To be honest though, I never really got what she was saying and because we always were talking about her season, I never really thought about how mine would change. I never really got it.

I think I am starting to.

I always talk about the only real constant in life is change. That being said, I often think about it in small terms…. Not the season of life terms. Sometimes you think you are ready for all the changes, only to realize that you didn’t understand what was changing. Not that change is bad, but that you weren’t 100% prepared for it.

I think that is where I am now. Why I have been blowing in the breeze a bit. It is time to start thinking about what season that I am in now and prepare for it.

Stay tuned……..