Welcome to the Tribe

I tease my Mother that she is not a spring chicken anymore.   Truth of the matter is at 73 that she has more strength, endurance and will to push herself than most people half her age.   Some days even me.

She has fire.

My mother is inspiring for many reasons.   I would bet that she has no idea how many people in how many different ways are inspired by her.   By her love of family.   By her faith.   By the way she lives her life.    By the way she sees the best in people.    By the way she lives her life.    Like many, here life has not always been easy and it’s not my story to tell but through it all she has never given up and kept moving forward.

That is how she got running.

Moving forward.   Starting with one step at a time.   Starting with walking.   Then walking and running.    Then setting small goals turning into bigger goals and sticking to it even when it didn’t work out.   She is primed and ready for us to run her first 5K and she knows it won’t be any time soon now.   So rather than put her shoes away, she made a new goal.

She decided she wanted to run 5 miles.   Then she did.

Then she ran 7 miles by mistake the first time but has since done it again and again.

My mother calls me her coach although she doesn’t always listen.   She sometimes does her own thing without telling me till it’s too late, but that is a different story.    While that may be true, I am impressed with her stamina to keep pushing herself.    I give her lots of advice…. Make sure she stretches.   Make sure she rests.   Make sure she pays attention to time on her feet and recovery. Lots of advice that she listens to 80% of the time.

Right now I am actually trying to reign her in because although she is doing great, I do worry that she is going to injure herself as she jumped her miles too quickly (not my advice) and her longer runs can be almost 2 hours.

I need to pay attention to the advice that I give her too.   Although it is always so much easier to give advice than take it.

Anyway today on National Running Day, I wanted to celebrate a new member to the running tribe…. My Mom.

There is no test to take to be a runner.   There is no pace required to be a runner.   There is no distance required to be a runner.    No races that need to be run. The only thing required is that you run and YES… she runs. So I herby decree that she is the Accidentally Running Grandma:)

Running1

What if???

What if there is no easy answers?   What if we have no idea what tomorrow will bring?   What if as each day is just like the day before, we still have no idea what the future will bring?    How do we plan?   How do we accept not knowing?   How do we move forward and not stay stuck in limbo?

Why are there so many questions and not enough answers?

What if it is easier to ask the questions than answer them?

What if?

What if?

When will this happen?

When will that happen?

On and on it goes with no clear cut answers.   No answers that you like.   No answers that make things easier.  No answer that doesn’t lead to another question.

What if I tell you that it won’t always be like this?    What if I tell you that even in the best of times that tomorrow was never promised?    That plans fall through.   That life is more complicated and much simpler than we every realized.  That even when you make plans, sometimes plans change.   Sometimes things that you never thought would happen…. happen.    Things that you only dream of….. happen.

Right now so many of us feel in limbo.   We miss people that we now have to be “socially” distant from which really just means physically distant.   Do you even remember the last person not in your home that you gave a hug to before this all started?    Have you thought about how good it will be to give that person a hug when this is all over?   I, honestly, can’t remember the last person that I hugged and that makes me sad.   Althugh I believe it would have been either my mother or my friend, Jen; but I’m not sure.   It was such a normal thing that at the time I might not have given it a second thought.

Second thoughts are the problem now.   Second, third…. a million.    We are all searching for answers but right now there are no answers.    That is hard for so many reasons.   How do you plan for the future when you don’t know.   So many things that we took for granted before are now gone.   A hug goodbye.   The ability to pop in on a friend.   The knowing that even if plans had to change that the world didn’t.    As hard as some people want to put this pandemic behind us, it is here in our lives for a while.   We have no choice but to give up the reigns and that is a hard pill to swallow.

Right now many people are planning for fall races.   I was asked if I wanted to be part of the Sandy Hook Promise Team and as much as I support their cause…….as much as I like to plan….. as much as I want to; I just don’t think I can for several reasons but I go back and forth.

My first thought really is how much harder this year it would be to fundraise.   People are hurting and many disposable income is gone.     Businesses that have been very supportive in the past are doing all they can to survive now.     While these last 2 years I have had great success with my fundraising and had expected to do it again this year, I just can’t see how that would be possible.    It bothers me too because I think Sandy Hook Promise mission is worthy of all of our support.

On top of that honestly, I know so many runners are holding out hope of fall races but I don’t see how that can happen.   How in a matter of months can NYC expect to host an event with 50,000 runners and their supporters.    It seems like a foreign thought to me.   For those holding out hope, I hope I’m wrong.   It will be a strange November without a NYC Marathon but I’m sure the people of Boston felt the same way.

It is hard to plan for the future when the future is so uncertain.   For me, that means just doing the things that I can do daily to make my life seem like I am not a house plant.

Exercise Daily – Check

Shower Daily – Usually

Daily walk – Usually

Try not to eat all the chocolate – I’m trying

For me….   Making a conscience effort not to plan is my plan.      I would love to plan for a fall race, but I just don’t see how that can be.    I would rather let that go now as, for me, that is what I need to do.    This is not to say that I am giving up planning and doing.   I am just going to plan and do things that are in my control.   Right now I am in the process of deciding weather I want to run the NJ Parkway (172.4 miles) or the NJ Turnpike (117.2 miles) – Virtually, of course.   There is an online challenge where you are in control from running the distance of the boardwalk (28 miles) to going as far as taking the Jersey Devil challenge (579 miles).   These distances will be run starting May 15 through July 15th.   Mile wise I’m leaning towards the Turnpike but I’m more of a Parkway girl, so I have not figured it out yet.    That will be something I control.

So, for me, when the world is our of my control; I will take the control back where I can.   How I can.

What are you doing to stay in control?

 

 

 

You Have to Start Somewhere

Many people want to head straight for the finish line before they have even gotten to the start line or even started training.   I, myself, am no exception.   Patience isn’t always my specialty or a virtue that I posses.   To be honest, I’m not sure that I have any specialty but live by the expression Jack of all trades. Master of none.   That’s me.   I’m cool with that.    A little of this.   A little of that.

Right now like so many people staying at home, I’ve got a lot of time on my hand.   I’ve filled a lot of it with baking.   This week alone I have made Mocha cupcakes with espresso buttercream, Rose Water Cupcakes with Rose Water buttercream, and today I’ve made bagels for the first time.   That is a lot of goodies.     I need to balance out these extra calories with a more sedentary lifestyle by adding more exercise.

I’m not sure if I mentioned that we semi converted our garage into a home gym.   We don’t have a lot but we’ve got more than others and enough to get the job done.   I’ve also been dabbling with the Nike Training App which currently has free upgraded access to the premium workouts.    I’ve really been enjoying the workouts.   They have all different types of workouts.   I’ve done tried all the different types (endurance, mobility, strength and yoga).

I will further say that I enjoy the endurance workouts on days that I am not running which due to the weather has been a decent amount.  I feel that these will help me push myself while running.   The Mobility has been great for cool downs, hip opening, and general flexibility.    What I’ve really been spending some time on is the different yoga routines.  Several years ago, I regularly practiced at a Hot Yoga studio.   It was intense.   It was a workout.   It helped with flexibility and balance which I could desperately need.   I loved it and I really don’t know why I stopped.  As I said before, I let other workouts fall to the wayside as I focused more on my running.   I’m reminded recently how these all go hand in hand and can be beneficial.

What I also noticed besides how tight my legs are is that I forgot how strong you must be to do yoga.   I remind myself that when I am holding my body with up that is a pretty decent amount.    I also thought that in order to improve, I will need to continue to practice because as the saying goes practice makes perfect.   Although is their perfect in yoga?   Just good form which I don’t have either.  A work in progress.

So I will practice.   I will remind myself that as cool as it would be to be able to a handstand or any of the inversion movements that I must start at the beginning.   Like a marathon, you can’t just show up and expect to get to the finish line.   So I begin at the beginning with the basics.    The basics for me are not so basic anyway.   I need to find muscles that I forgot to use.   I need a core which has gone MIA.   I need to start at the beginning.

It is these beginning steps which make crossing even the smallest finish lines worthwhile.   If everything came easy, they would be no sense of accomplishments.   And while I have a long ways to go, I am still proud of how far I’ve come even if that just means entering my garage to practice yoga or any workout.

I further admit that I needed to remind myself of all of this because it is easy to throw in the towel and say, “Well I can’t do it.”    Really what we need to say is “I can’t do it today but I will eventually be able to do it and if I can’t I enjoyed the process.”

So here I am enjoying the process.

Take a Stand

As a women runner I, obviously, have thought about my safety while running.   I’ve thought about lighting.   I’ve thought about what routes I should take and what to avoid.  I’ve thought about where I could go for help if needed.   I have run with a whistle.   I have run with pepper spray.   With all of those thoughts though, I have never run in fear.

Here is the truth…….

I am a white woman runner.   I have ALWAYS known and NEVER thought twice that I would not be helped if needed.   I have known that in times of need, I could and have easily without a second thought asked for help.

I’ve asked for water from strangers.

I’ve asked for directions.

I’ve had strangers stop and ask me if I needed assistance if I looked in need.

I have this luxury.

I have this privilege.

Call it what it is….

White privilege.

Ahmaud Arbery had no such luxury or privilege afforded to him.

He was not asked if he needed help.

He was not afforded the privilege of just going for a run that I don’t think twice about.

All because of the color of his skin.

He was not seen as a young man trying to be healthy.   He was not seen a runner out to feel the pleasure of going from a run.   He was seen as dangerous.   He was seen not as what he was, but by the eyes of hate and racism as someone to be feared.    He was seen only as the color of his skin.

Today is his birthday.   His family can not celebrate with him.    He can not celebrate with his friends, family, and loved ones.   His life was stolen from him and his family all because he was running while black.

period.

There has been no justice for him.   Actually until pressure, it appeared as happens time and time again it would be swept under the ugly rug.   Not this time.   Not in the future.

Today in honor of his life and his birthday, people are coming together to run 2.23 miles for Ahmaud Arbery.   2.23 to mark the day his life was stolen (February 23).   We will come together the only way we can now… Virtually.

He deserved better.   His family deserved better.   Our country deserves better than to let this bigotry and hatred thrive while pretending it doesn’t exist due to privilege of it not touching you.  Black men and women deserve to run without fear.  They deserve to not fear their cell phone will be seen as a weapon and unjustly killed.    They deserve to be able to say they can’t breath and allowed air.   They need to be able to wear a hoodie and carry a pack of skittles without being killed.  On and on it goes and it is shameful.   They can’t even take a knee to protest without being told they are doing it wrong.   It is well past time for EVERYONE to stand up against it in all shapes and form.

So today we honor Ahmaud Arbury, but we also vow to stand up and fight to end this type of hatred and bigotry when we see it in our lives because if you aren’t willing to fight to do that, you are just as much part of the problem.

Please join not just this day but in future fight. The ongoing battle that should have been won long ago #IRunWithMaud

To Bling or Not to Bling

Every group has their superstitions.   Their quirks.   Their thing.   Running is no different.   Now each individual runner obviously is different and different runners and groups think about things differently as well.

For example:

Some groups this it is bad juju to wear a race shirt on race day or before event.

Based on number of race day shirts worn during events that is not true for all.

Some people do not want a race shirt, bling, or goodies from an event that was cancelled.

Some people will accept it but they must “earn it” by doing a virtual race.

Running usually is not a participant trophy kind of event.    If you do not finish an event, you get a DNF instead of your bling.   I get that.   I respect that.  Stolen valor is stolen valor that is why runners can’t stand people who cheat at events.

That is kind of where I was.    As mentioned, I was training hard and I believe ready for my birthday half marathon (Unite Rutgers Half & 8K) in April.   I was good to go.   It was going to be fun.   When the race was cancelled some of us envisioned donning our tutus and heading out to do a group virtual run.    We realized quickly that was not a good idea which wasn’t obvious at beginning.   I then thought I would run the virtual half by myself.   It is not like I haven’t run miles and miles by myself before.   Most of my marathon training was solo, so running a half alone would be fine.

Then I thought about it and realized that I had no desire to do it.   The reason that I signed up for that event was because it was on my actual birthday.    I thought it would be fun to do a race on my birthday especially when I had friends sign up to join me. It wasn’t so much about running a half (because I can do that), it was about doing a half with friends.   So I lost my mojo.

Then the bling came in the mail with the race shirt.   Then the guilt came that I didn’t “earn it.”  I started thinking about running a virtual half, but my heart wasn’t in it.   I can run.   I know I can run.   I am still running.    I’m in a group challenge to run 2020 for 2020 as a group, so I’m not stopping.   I just hit 500 miles for the year.   I’m good.   I know many runners who will and have run virtual races for events that have been cancelled.    I know some who are restarting their training to run this race virtually, but I really have no desire to do it right now.

For my going out and dedicating my 5 miles today for the 8K was enough.   This race was never about the miles.   Maybe down the road, I will run 13 and dedicate it to this event.   If I do, great.    If I don’t, no big deal.

One thing that I keep thinking of during these times is that most of the time what is important is not the destination but the journey.   This race for me was always about the journey.   Of rebooting my training.   Of virtually training with a friend.   Of training in person with friends that are closer.   Most of all it was about coming together race day and just having a blast.

This separation is temporary and this medal will always be a reminder to me of this time.    For me….. this is enough.

To quote a line from my mother’s book.

I am enough.

Unite Rutgers

 

Time after Time

Time has lost all meaning to me, but I think we’ve pretty much been in going on 6 weeks now.   Who knows.   Is it still April?   I think April now has 675 days.   Each day is the same.   Each day is long.   And yet still there is not enough time to fold the laundry or empty the dishwasher until the sink is filled with dishes.   I’m not sure how that happens, but it does.   This is my life now.   Searching for food delivery slots that are not available.   Making carts on the off chance that someday I will hit the lottery and get a slot which has happened twice in these 6 weeks.   Then there is the inevitable suiting up to go to actual store since teens in a Pandemic apparently will eat more food than required by a heard of elephants.

This is my life.

I am still blessed.

On top of that every and any event has been cancelled.   Not just for now, but for next month and the month after and the month after.   On and on the cancelations go.   So much for my doing a race a month for the year.   Ha.   I will take for still being able to fit into my running clothes when this is over.    That being said,  with health officials already talking about a reoccurrence of this crap in the fall during flu season, you wonder if this year all major marathons will be cancelled.    Chicago while not cancelled is allowing participants to cancel.   Unheard of.   Many while not outright cancelled do not have a new date yet which makes you wonder.   NYRR has cancelled their NYC half and their races through June.   It makes you wonder what they will do for the Marathon that normal has 50,000 runners.   To me, a layman, runner; I just don’t see how it is possible but what do I know.

I had been thinking of running NY again for Team Sandy Hook Promise but I don’t see that happening.   With so many people hurting financially raising $3,000 does not seem feasible.  Honestly nor does the thought of going to an event with 50,000 people.   I went to Target for groceries and thought I would have an anxiety attack with all the people in the store who were wearing masks and most being good about socially distancing from each other.    I couldn’t see myself at the village start line.   Honestly  I can’t imagine how an event like this will happen even though it is still months from now.

Who knows what will happen.   I do know that no matter what I can’t see myself in the middle of it.   That being said, I have run a marathon every year since 2014, somehow someway I do not want 2020 to be the year I don’t.   I’ve already been thinking that trails are the way to go.   Who knows, I might have to do my own virtual marathon.   Then again maybe I just skip this year.   In the whole scheme of things, it is not the be all end all.

Yes, I miss my running crew.

Yes, I miss group events.

Yes, I miss it all.

But what I have taken away the most is that in the big scheme of life….. for me……  although I am a runner, although I love to run,   although I have had and will have again so much fun running……… When this is all over, I do not want it to go back to business as usual.

I want it to better.

I want to think about things differently.

I want to realize that while I am a runner, I am so much more

 

 

 

Epic Day

Tonight I should be sore from running my Birthday Half Marathon AKA the Rutgers NJ Half.    Like millions of people across the world,  plans change.   Honestly with all that has been happening my birthday actually snuck up on me and I was ho hum about it.    I know that had the world not stopped, I would have been ready for this half.   I  am allowed to be disappointed, but with that can realize…

It just doesn’t matter.

To be honest this half marathon was not so much about finishing the race, but knowing I was going to spend it with friends.   I had encouraged a few people to sign up and before we knew it, there was a group of planning to go.   Some I haven’t even run with yet, but was looking forward to running with.   It would have been an epic day as a day spent with friends always is.

It was still an epic day.

I woke up.    I have my health.   My family has their health.   We have food in the fridge.   A roof over our heads and hubby continues to work from home.   Life is good.   We are blessed.   We are lucky.   We are grateful.

So while origionally I toyed with actually running a half marathon today, I thought better of it.   I took a day off from any and all exercise.   I showered.   More shocking is that I even blew dried my hair, put on makeup, and found that I can still squeeze into my jeans.   I was being fancy today.   It almost felt like formal attire.

I took an iced coffee and was waiting in my side garden for a friend who said she was coming to pick something up.   I was soaking up the sun.   I was enjoying the silence.   Then the horns started beeping.    The shouts of Happy Birthday from cars.   I looked up to see my own birthday caravan with balloons, posters, Happy Birthday banners, even a real live unicorn, and most of all wonderful friends.

No it was not the birthday I imagined or planned for.   Yes, I wish that the world was in a good place for it to return to normal.    But most of all, I realized how lucky I am.   After they drove away, I realized that if it weren’t for running this caravan would not have happened.    These women for the most part came into my life when I started lacing up my running shoes.   We’ve ran many miles in training together.  We’ve ran many miles just to be together.   We’ve chased 9 plus 1 together.   We’ve ran trails together.   Some of us even have run away from Klingon Opera singing together (I kid you not).   We’ve grown together.   We’ve been there to cheer each other on and pick each other up not just with running but in life too.

Running has brought me so much in life but by far the best thing it has given to me is the people in has brought into my life.

So while running is a “solitary” sport and everyone who runs must run their own race and pace, that does not mean that you have to do it alone.

While we all tuck ourselves away at home, it sometimes feels like you might be in it alone, that your own your own, but it’s not true.   Just like each of us runs our own race and meet at the finish line, we will shelter in place alone with our families but we will meet together at the finish line of this horror.

Apart but Together.

We must not loose that.   We must remember all that is good.   All that makes everything worth fighting (staying home) so hard for because we want to get back to less apart and more togetherness.

Then we will be

Together until we must part.

 

Out of Balance

amazing balance blur boulder

Photo by Nandhu Kumar on Pexels.com

I’ve been in better shape.

I’ve been in worse shape.

I’ve been stronger.

I’ve been weaker.

I’ve been in better shape.

I’ve been in worse shape (really).

I’ve been so many things and I will end up being so many more.  Things ebb and flow.   Up until a month ago, I seemed to be right on target for my Birthday Half Marathon right up until the world stopped.   Since then, training has not been training but getting a run in here and there as allowed.   Races right now are non existent.  Although, I think I might still try to do the  virtual run, but I don’t think I will run the full half.   Probably just the 8K.

Since formal training has come off the table and I have been trying to not loose my mojo.    Not just me but my whole household.   You know when you have nowhere to go and nothing to do, you really have time to squeeze in a workout.    We even cleaned out the garage.   Bought some equipment, mats for the floor and are in process of turning our garage into a home workout space.   It helps that many are sharing workouts online.   One that I have found that I like is the Nike Training App.   During the Stay at Home orders they are even allowing you to view workouts for free.   Yeah.

I even went so far as to dust off a no equipment workout from my CrossFit days.   Let me just say that while I did the workout, it was not pretty and it made me think.   I realized that while I’m not sure that I would want to be doing CrossFit now that I was in the best shape of my life when I was doing it.   The cross training was key.   I further realized that I gave my all to running and allowed everything else fall to the wayside.   Time was limited and I chose running over yoga, CrossFit, cross training, and everything else.  It seemed like a necessary tradeoff but it wasn’t a smart one.

On top of that I realized that by letting everything else go, I was missing out.   Now I realize that I am now in my early 50’s, but I have lost a lot of upper body strength.   A lot.  Yes, I can run marathons.   Yes, I have endurance.    Yes, I can get to the finish line.   All those things are true, but I lost balance.   Balance in life is good.   Balance in life brings harmony.   Balance is easy to loose.   I could still run a marathon but I had to push harder than I should because of all that I stopped doing.

When I had balance with running, biking, HIT workouts, weight lifting not only was I in great shape physically but I was also able to run faster and further without injury.   Now I realize that I am getting older by the day, so I may not get faster but I can certainly get stronger and find the balance that I lost.   And since I am getting “older,”  my body needs balance more than ever.  I also realized I missed it.   Yes, I’m a runner but I’m am more than legs especially at 5 foot 2.   In thinking about it to, saying I am a runner made it ok not to be anything else.    I used it as an excuse not to do other things even things that I enjoyed doing.

Often our lives become out of balance with out us even realizing it.   We take more responsibility at work, our families require more of our energy, volunteering for important causes takes time, pets, responsibilities and one and on it goes until we realize we don’t have time for “self care.”   We become out of balance without even paying attention or noticing.

Now some people hate the phrase “self care” or view it as hokey.   Some think it’s selfish. Some think that there is no time.   Some don’t understand that it doesn’t necessarily mean bubble baths, salon visits, or even running.   Self care is what is necessary in order to recharge your batteries what ever that may be for you.

Right now most of us have a lot of extra time.    There is no where to go.    There is no better time to give yourself some TLC because you deserve it.   Right now the world is raw, emotional, and tender.   Everyone is worried.   Everyone is stressed.   Everyone has their own baggage that most people have no clue about.    There is no better time to add balance and self care to your life because you can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself.

So with that said,  I’m looking to control what I can in my life and bring balance to it where I can.    For now that means adding full body workouts.   Taking time to do more than just lace up my shoes.    And the good thing is that right now I have to the time to see where this will take me.   Hopefully it will take me to a more balanced approach to my running.

Do you have balance?

 

 

Settling In

We are all settling into our new normal.   School at home.    Work at home.   Eat at home.   Stay home.   Don’t go anywhere.   Home.  Home. Home.

Even with that, I will be the first to say that I am in a very lucky situation.   My husband has a job where he was able to immediately work from home.   While he took over my computer/office area, I’ll take it.   My kids are old enough and self sufficient enough that the only help I give them on “school days” is waking up to get online.   While I temporarily lost my job as a Preschool Gymnastics teacher, this was extra family income to pay for activities we no longer are able to do while staying at home.   So I know that I am lucky beyond belief.

On top of that, my kids are all home even my college age son.   While I’m not sure he is as happy to be on Stay at Home time as me, I readily admit that it eases anxiety having them all under the same roof with me.

All that being said, I know that not everyone is in the same boat as I am.   I have friends who have lost their jobs.   I have friends worried about their jobs.     I have friends doing their jobs while also now having to help their children with their school work.   I have friends who are working in the hospitals treating the sick.   These are some scary times and if your not scared or worried about something, you must be more zen than most of the world.

On top of all of that just about everyone is scrambling to find everyday staples of life.   I feel like the hunter/gatherer of the family.   While my husband works, I look for online shopping slots, alternative ways (farm boxes), and when need be go to the store to get supplies.

This is the new normal.

This is a temporary normal.

But for now this is normal.

We are in this together which is why when the CDC recommended wearing masks, I accepted it.    There are many who don’t.

I went out for 8 miles last week.   My timing was off, so  I was out mid day.   It was warm when I ran, but I still wore my buff to cover my mouth.   I was not only in the minority, I was one of only 4 people that day wearing one.   One person was driving in a car, so they might not even count.   Now, not everyone I saw was running.   Many were families out walking/biking but everyone was out trying to enjoy the day.  I avoided all crossing streets when needed, changing route, and going out of my way to social distance from everyone.

As I said, it is not just the running community questioning the use of face masks but the population as a whole.   In the running community there are many opinions.   Many reasons why to wear.   Many reasons why not to.   It is up for debate.  Some feel that since they are solo running it isn’t necessary.  In my state all parks are now closed because they were jammed pack like the beach of fourth of July.   Even if you were trying to socially distance, you just couldn’t.   So it made sense to close them while many also don’t agree with that either.

Here is my take……. There is a lot we don’t know about Coronavirus.   A lot.   What we do know is that it is contagious.   We also know that you could feel fine, but have it and spread it without even knowing it.    By the time you know your sick (if you ever do), you have already been contagious and able to spread it.    So the wearing of the masks seems like a good idea.   I wear my mask to protect you.   You wear yours to protect me.   It’s part of being in a community.

So if you see me out there running (which I admit I need to do more of), I will be wearing a buff, a bandanna, something.   I hope you are too.

 

 

 

Cancelled

cancelled

Everything is cancelled.

Rightly so.

Everything is cancelled and while we understand why, we appreciate the gravity of the situation, we know the necessity of it; for some reason we think we shouldn’t feel sorrow over the loss.   Maybe it’s just me, but I call BS on that.   Not just for runners whose races have been cancelled, but anyone who has anything which is everything cancelled.

We are allowed to miss meeting friends for coffee.

We are allowed to miss meeting our Mom’s for lunch.

We are allowed to miss running with our friends.

We are allowed to miss all the things that are important to us.

If our child came to us and told us they were upset that their soccer season was cancelled (which it is), we would never tell them that their soccer wasn’t important and they were being selfish.   At least most of us would not say that.   We would tell them that their feelings are understandable.   That it is ok to be disappointed.   That we understand that their soccer (dance, play, graduation, prom or what not) is important to them and that we wish things could be different.  That it sucks and we are sorry.

It is no different for us.

We are allowed to be disappointed that races we thought we would train and be ready for our cancelled.   For the runners who were ready to rock a race and then week before the rug was pulled out from them.   You are allowed to be upset.   You are allowed to feel sadness.   You are allowed to feel.

And just because you feel that way does not mean for one iota of a second that you don’t understand that there are people suffering, that people are loosing loved ones, that first responders are putting themselves in harms way for the good of the many.    You can hold both feeling and truths in the same heart.

You are allowed to feel.