Often we live in fear and don’t even realize it. We wait for the shoe to drop. We expect the worst. We don’t even realize that it is there, because it almost becomes part of us. What fear does most though is the way it holds us back. We think, if I do this then X will happen. I can’t do this because Y will happen. So then nothing happens. We stand still and fear wins even if we don’t recognize it as what it is.
I have been letting fear hold me back. Now, don’t get me wrong….. there is a HUGE difference between being responsible, smart and listening to experts advice. There is also something to be said for not going in all willy nilly and not taking facts into consideration.
I have Hypoparthyroidism
I need to balance keeping my serum calcium levels in check while keeping my urine levels in check. (Yes, it is harder than it sounds)
Currently, running longer distances requires more calcium supplements which raises urine calcium levels. As does running faster paces.
I am currently under the care of a Endocrinologist whom not only do I feel, but 100% know understands this crazy disorder.
I am very lucky!
So with all of these hard and true facts, there is also some truth that needs to be faced. Due to fear of pushing my body too hard, I realized that I have not been pushing it enough. There are also some extenuating circumstances.
There are only so many hours in the day and I have been burning the bridge at both ends….. between work, taking classes for CDA (Child Development Associate), my home baking business, my home, and trying to have a life; I have not been pushing myself to follow a routine.
But there is light at the tunnel. I have completed all my CDA classes, had the required evaluation and preparing to take the state test next month. I am also looking forward to only working 3 mornings a week over the summer and I realize I set the schedule for my home baking business.
Yesterday, I continued my goal of running one event a month. I haven’t been running or training as mentioned above. Yet, I ended up running (walking some) and finishing well.
As my friend said who I ran with (slightly paraphrasing) …….. You don’t run or train, yet you pull running a 5K out of your ass like you did the 10K in January. So shut up.
So with that….. I will not shut up because you know I can’t. What I will do though is stop letting the fear of failure, the fear of not being where I think I should be therefor keeping me from where I could go, and the fear of what if’s from keeping me from what I can do.
What I can do is face each day with hope, the knowledge that it will be what it will be and there are no guarantees.