A State of Mind

I can be both a seasoned marathon runner and a runner just beginning. Who knew that being a runner was also a state of mind? Pretty much every runner will tell you that it is both physical and mental. Even as someone who couldn’t run a 5K right now, I still consider myself a runner. My car carries magnets proudly displaying 26.2, 50K, and Moms Run this town. To anyone who sees these, they might think that I run miles every day. There was a time that was true. I earned them and so they remain.

For now though, I am not running any marathons but I am still a marathon runner. No matter if I were to never complete another marathon, nothing can take away the finish lines that I have crossed. So yes, yes, I am a marathon runner who happens to not be training for a marathon.

I don’t want to say that I am starting over again. I think I need to start looking at my running as the ups and downs that we all have in life. There are times when we are up and there are times when we are down. It is the ying and yang of life. So as a runner, there are times when I run and there are times when I will not be running. The not running chapter is coming to an end.

I have been running with the C25K program now for going on 3 weeks. This is where I need to be just like I needed to give myself a break from running. Now my body and my mind have reset and am once again looking forward to running again. If you don’t look forward to doing something, you shouldn’t do it. Now I don’t mean work or all the responsible things that we as adults must do, but running had been my release. When it started to be another chore it was time for a reset.

I enjoyed spending my spring and summer walking. I enjoyed not feeling like I should be doing something else. I had no desire to do more.

I do now. How much more is up for debate and will change over time.

So with that, I am lacing up again. There are no races on the horizon to train for and who knows what 2021 will bring race wise either but that isn’t what I am even thinking of right now. What I do know is that it is not about feeling like I need to run, but a feeling of I want to run. Rebuilding is allowing me to do exactly that…. Rebuild. I must be serious about it as I bought new sneakers and new Oofas too.

So with that, I will continue on this running journey that I have been all these years. You know it is time when you actually look forward to the thought of running. Not for racing. Not for pace. Not for distance. Just to run again.

Life is about listening to your inner voice. To respecting what you need and when you need it. And as will all things, what we need will change. What we want will also change. That doesn’t make us a failure. that makes us human.

Hold On

So tired of 2020, but who says 2021 is going to be any better. Although I do have hight hopes for after January 20th, but even then it will be a process to turn things around. Not the flick a switch, say Happy New year at midnight and everything rights itself.

The problem is now we have all gotten comfortable being uncomfortable. It is the norm. We stopped wiping down our groceries. We started going out more (not really in this house). We started expanding our bubbles. We took our lives off the holding pattern that the initial surge created.

This is good…..

This is also bad…..

It is good because for the here and now, we do need to learn to live with Covid. We need to work. We need socialization. We need do what we can in the safest manner we can. Although there is good news on the horizon, it is on the horizon and we need to do what we can to get through the here and now.

The time will come when this will pass. When the lockdowns, the masks, the intimate gatherings become social events again. When this will all be a not say very pleasant memory that we will pass stories on to our potential grandchildren about…… We won’t even need to exaggerate because the truth is bad enough. The stories will begin with….. The year was 2020 and there was no toilet paper to be found.

But for now.

We wait.

We still show caution.

We remain patient.

We wear our masks.

Most of all we….

Tomorrow will be a better day even if tomorrow is a short distance away. We don’t know what tomorrow yet, but it is coming. Life will go back to normal. We will carry the lessons that we learned We will hold onto those that carried us through 2020 in what ever way necessary. We will throw mask burning parties. We will do all of these things if we just have patience to get there.

As a runner, what I miss most about 2020 is races. Not even crossing the finish line, but racing with friends. Training for events. Planning events. Waiting at start line of events. I miss it terribly, but I have no desire to do any in person events right now. Everyone has their level of comfort and this is past mine. To be honest, I don’t much enjoy running in the park filled with other runners and walkers. There will be a day where that won’t even be a thought and I can’t wait.

So we wait.

We practice all the things we know we need to do….

We hold onto hope

New Beginning

Some times in order to start over, you need to step away.

This morning I was watching an interview with Matthew McConaugh about his new book Greenlights (Can’t wait to read). He was talking about how he stepped away for 2 years from the business and when he came back he was considered “new” again. That he was able to start over and not be pigeonholed for one type of character. He still loved what he had done before, but in order to start over he needed to step back.

I’ve stepped back.

I’ve said before that I’m ready to begin again. I am ready to run again. To begin with no expectations of what I used to be and with the expectations of what I will be. Just to rediscover who I am as a runner today and not keep trying to put a square peg in a round hole. It never works and brings nothing but frustrations.

What’s old is new again.

I’ve talked the talk and now I am going to walk the walk. Actually I am going to run/walk the walk. I have stepped back. I have allowed my body a chance to reset. There are no expectations what it can do as a runner as I have no clue. There is no I must do this pace or must hit this milage. There is only today.

Last week this time, I was recovering from walking my NYC Marathon. This was my final step in putting my expectations behind me and moving forward as a new runner. I had set the goal to walk the marathon and I did. I am ready to run again, but as the runner I am today and not the runner I was years ago. I am ready to forge a new path and see where it takes me. To accept where it takes me.

So with all this in mind, today I started the Couch to 5 K program. Some may say that is odd as I just completed a marathon, but I did so as a walker. I have not run in several months. It felt good to get out today. To follow the plan. To not feel I needed to be going faster. To not feel like I needed to hit a distance. To not have expectations that could not be met. There was only what was today.

And that was enough.

Walk, Run, & Everything in Between

I’ve run a marathon. I’ve run/walked a marathon. Now I can say I’ve walked a marathon. I’m ready to run again…… Ok, not just yet, but you know what I mean.

I walked for 8 hours 11 minutes and 51 seconds. My fastest marathon clocked in at 4:38:14 for perspective. Although post hypopara, I have been getting slower and last year crossed finish at 6:20:41. I guess I can go with since this was my 8th marathon that I was going for an hour for each one. I can honestly say that while I will probably do another marathon that I will NEVER specifically plan to walk another marathon. Then again maybe if it had been an in person event that I would have put more pressure on myself to do more.

I did know that I wanted to complete this event. I realized that I have done at least one marathon a year since 2014, so I didn’t want to break my streak. More than likely I would not have been able to keep the streak going if this was in person. Then again if Covid hadn’t shut everything down, I might have not had the mindset to take a break from running. Who knows?

I will also say that I didn’t tell a lot of people my plan. I really wasn’t sure what my plan was other than to go out and walk 26.2 miles. I did put it out there as I also signed up to with Sandy Hook Promise to raise funds. (https://charity.gofundme.com/o/en/campaign/christines-virtual-sandy-hook-promise-walk/christinechaillet )

Unlike when their is an actual event, there was no minimum to raise, but I missed being part of the team and spreading their message and helping to support their important cause. This year though as with the marathon, there was no pressure. I only posted it on my Facebook pace twice and did not promo it. Honestly based on all the stuff I post, I am sure many people missed it which actually took the pressure off the actually event.

So I planned a route in town. I told my hubby and some friends and then off I went. I started with a friend who walked a few miles. She then joined me for the half way point for a little more. Then I walked the last few on the phone with another friend. Finally I did the las one just walking.

Walking….. Walking…. Walking…..

No music.

No podcasts.

Just silence.

Just the noise rattling around in my mind.

You would think it would be boring. You would think spending that much time just walking without outside stimulus would drive you crazy. I enjoyed the peace. I let my mind wonder. Walking alone taking in the surroundings. Being at peace with my thoughts. It was a good day.

Time on your feet with your thoughts while a good day does not make it an easy day.

Running a marathon is hard. Walking and running a marathon is hard. Walking a marathon is just as hard just a different type of hard.

A few days post marathon and my feet are healing nicely. Only 7 blisters, but only 2 that were thoughts of concern initially but they are both on road to recovery. So I am taking the week off. I am letting my feet totally heal. I am giving my legs a chance to recover. And then…. only then will it be time.

Time to rebuild.

Time to run……….

Whatever that will mean, but we will find out together.

In This Together

Like many I am at a weird place in my running. I am a runner who doesn’t run. Sometimes I miss the push. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I wonder why I pushed as hard as I did. Then their are the Facebook memories to pop up that show you what you used to be and you wonder if it will ever be again. Not just the races, but the drive that I had to do them.

Right now, there is no drive. there is no feeling like I need to do this. Nothing to even make me feel like in the whole scheme of things is it even necessary. There is so much bigger, real, and important things going on in the world. It makes me feel like my running, my races, my paces is not even worth pursuing or important.

I am fatigued by it all.

I am worried about it all.

I am missing the the world that used to be.

Then I remind myself that yes, all those “wordly” things need attention and are important, but….. but…. but……..

Life is a gift that needs to be enjoyed. Yes, we need to pay atention, get involved, and do what we can to make the world a beter place. Yes, there is much that needs to be done. Yes, we have a responsibility to help make the world, our communities and those closest to us a priority.

But….. But…. But

If we also don’t take time to actually enjoy the gift of life are we really living it?

This week my Facebook memories is filled with Marathon preparations. It is filled with Runner’s World Hat Trick PR’s (5k, 10k, and HM in 2 day). It is filled with a time when I was at my peak as a runner. Not just pre-covid, but in my case pre-hypoparathyroidism. It made me nostalgic, sad, and proud all at the same time. I miss running. Really running like I haven’t done in a long time. I miss training hard. I miss racing hard. I miss it all.

I started this post last weekend, but I never finished it because I felt like I was wallowing a little. That I was being selfish. That it was all in my head. Then this morning I read a post (It’s been a minute) by a blog I follow that reminded me we are all feeling it and that it is ok to feel all the feels.

Sometimes when your are feeling low about something, you want to pretend that you aren’t feeling it. You think that you are the only one feeling it. You tell yourself that you shouldn’t be feeling the way you feel. You tell yourself so many lies to hide the simple truth that it is ok to feel the way you feel. That it is ok to miss what you miss. That it is ok to just allow yourself to be what you are with all the feeling that come with it.

Often in life, too often we pretend that we are ok when we are not. We pretend we aren’t angry when we are furious. We pretend we don’t care about someone when we do. We pretend we aren’t hurt when we are ready to crawl into a ball and cry. We pretend it is ok, when ok is the furthest thing from being ok. We pretend to be so many things that we aren’t. All because we somehow feel that our emotions aren’t justified. That we aren’t justified in feeling them. Every time we do this, we do a disservise to ourselves and those in our lives.

Part of this I think comes from society, from growing up and telling little ones not to cry, not to be angry and what they are feeling will pass. We need to do better not just for future generations, but for ourselves. In my job as a preschool instructor, I often have kids lay their emotions on me. There is one child who will tell me what kind of day he is having. Some days he says, he is having a happy day. Some days he will tell me that he is having a sad day. On those days he is telling me that he is having a sad day, I would never discount his feeling and just tell him to have a happy day. I always have the same answer, “it’s ok to have a sad day but Ms Christine is here for you.” Simple and to the point. Now….. we need to do the same for our own emotions.

Some times it is ok to have a sad day. Some times it is ok to have a down in the dumps day. Some times it is ok to have a I’m just not feeling it day. Some times it is ok to have any kind of day we are having. The trick is to find the balance. If you are having more sad days than good days, please know that there is help. We must stop trying to pretend that we don’t feel the way we feel and we must know that no matter how we feel we are never alone.

We need to allow ourselves to be ok with all the emotions not just the good ones. We need to allow people in to help us when we need help. We need to be willing to help and listen to our friends even when they are not feeling all rainbows and sunshine. We need to know that the good days out weigh the bad days. We need to know that there is hope.

Hope is what we need to hold onto until the days are once again filled with rainbows and sunshine. We are not in this alone, but in this together.

*****If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts and/or depression, you are not alone. Please find someone to talk to or call 800-273-8255 to talk with a counselor****

Often in our society, we are told to hold on to something or someone that no longer fits. Down to our skinny jeans… Don’t give up. Hold on to them. Use them as an incentive. We are told we need to build bridges. We are told that things will get better. Things will change. To give time. Sometimes these things are true and many times they are not.

What if instead of trying to hold onto things that no longer service, we embrace the new. Embrace the change. Realize that nothing stays the same on life…. even us.

It is holding on that keep people in unhealthy relationships, patterns, and not willing to embrace the unknown. What if sometimes the best thing that a person can do is to let go. To free ourselves from what is holding us back? Many times we aren’t even sure what is holding us back unless we are willing to dig a little deeper which is always scary.

Social media is a funny thing too. It can connect you with people you have never physically meant but feel extremely close to. It can keep you connected to people in your “real” life. It can also show how disconnected you are with some of those in your real life. Before social media, your circle was smaller. Some would come in and some would leave. It was every changing. New beginnings taking place with new endings.

Social media has a way of keeping the eb and flow unnatural. People that you are no longer connected with stay connected because somehow that final “unfriending” seems harsh. People remain “friends” but aren’t friends. They unfollow, hide or just roll eyes when they see posts of people that they are no longer really connected to, yet can’t let go of. You have to wonder if it’s healthy or natural and I wouldn’t doubt if physiatrists aren’t already studying it. Sometimes it is a way of keeping a door open for the person to come back into our lives. Sometimes it is a way of not shutting the door fully when we should. At the very least, it doesn’t always feel good.

While I am not really sure where I am going with this train of thought, I will say that I’ve realized that some doors are meant to be closed. Some are meant to be locked, and some while not locked should still be closed. People change. Our lives, needs, and wants change and sometimes people will keep trying to fit you into that place you used to be even when you are no longer there anymore.

I will be the first to admit that I’ve changed and still have much to change, learn and grow. That being said not everyone will the grow the same way and that is ok. Our lives changes. Our needs change. Our wants change. Change is part of life. Change is how we grow.

When I started this blog, I was on a quest. I wasn’t sure what it was other than I was going to complete a Sprint Triathlon. I had much to prove not just to others but myself. I pushed myself and I pushed hard. It was where I was at the time. Things changed. I changed. I honestly say that I no longer have the drive that I used to have to push myself, yet I still enjoy a challenge.

I am complex.

I am not one dimentional.

I have changed and I am starting to embrace that change.

I am coming into my own or at least my own for right now. Stepping back and giving myself time to just be. It has allowed me to embrace where I am now. It has allowed me time to walk the walk. To just enjoy the many blessing that I have today. It has given me much and I am happy to have had that time.

All that being said, I am also realizing that this time has allowed me to appreicate not just walking but what I have gotten out of running. I am starting to miss the feeling of running and know that I will be running soon. I also know that taking the pressure off the table of trying to be somewhere I was not will be gone. All that being said, running will wait till after I complete my virtual NYC Marathon. I can only do myself wrong if I don’t continue to have patience and respect where I am today.

So with that I am letting go. I am realizing in more ways than one closing a door is not always a bad thing. Holding onto something that should be released whether it be people, expectations or things that no longer serve me is not a loss but a gain.

What do you need to let go of?

As the song says…. LET IT GO.

The In Between

For some the Great Pause as I refer to the time since Covid has caused things to stop, not much changed in their daily life except location of where they worked. My husband is one of those people. He just rolled with it as he is lucky enough to have a job that made it possible. For many of us though life (depending where you live) stopped mid March. Spring was not filled with soccer tournaments, races, and everyday events. School, jobs, sports…. all cancelled.

As I have said before, many of us treated this initially like it was a snow day but then slowly came to the realization that it was the new normal. We learned to bake bread (I already knew). We did what we could to get by, fill up the day, and maybe ease our worries. There was no right or wrong…. There was just what each of us needed to do to get by.

Now we are in the in-between. Things are opening up. We are in the Goldilocks stage of things. For some, not fast enough. For others, too fast. There might be some that feel it is just right too. I am not sure where I fall into this and it might depend on the day. I also know that there is not one size fits all and what works for one family may not work for another. We are all just doing our best still to get by.

Often what many people forget in these stressful times is that our perspective might not be the same as another’s perspective. (Now I am NOT talking about those that refuse the science, I am talking about those of us trying to safely and smartly navigate all that is going on right now. ) There are many moving pieces. There are many levels of comfort and we should not be forcing where we are on others.

One of the reasons that I have not been writing recently is because I felt like I had nothing to say. One day was leading into the next and the day after that. It was all becoming a blur and I wasn’t really sure that I had anything to say or wanted to say out loud. I still don’t but as I’ve said before writing is a way for me to process and maybe I just didn’t want to process. Maybe I wasn’t sure what to process.

As we get into the fall season which I love, I am missing the sound, sites, and posts of people training for various races. I am missing the pictures from finish lines. I am missing all that comes with knowing that you have an event on the calendar that you are excited about. I am missing this and so much more as are so many people, but to me this is nothing in comparison to what we could all be missing. We don’t want to come out of this only to be back where we were in March.

Now it may sound like I have shut myself out of the world, but that is not the case. I go to stores. I have walked with friends. I even have started a new job. I do all these things in the safest way possible. To me this is my comfort zone. I will say that I have still not gone out to a restaurant for dinner nor is that on the list of things to do anytime soon. My family is fine with take out right now.

So for today…. This is enough. I am trying to get my head out of the weeds. I am trying to not worry about the future. I am trying not to let anxiety and depression take hold which is so easy in times like this. Many of us are just trying to hold our heads above the water while keeping those we love above water too.

So in these times….. and always….. know that you are entitled to feel the way you feel. You are entitled to think the way you think. We must all take care of ourselves, those we love, and most of all hold onto the hope that things will get better. That this was not all for naught. That it is ok to be sad that races are cancelled. It is ok to be upset that your child’s school is not what you wanted it to be. It’s ok to feel all the feelings.

What is not ok is to let that stop you from living your life even if you need to live it differently right now.

So hold on.

This is not forever.

We are all in this together.

We will get through it especially with a little (or a lot) of help from our friends.

Pouring from an Empty Cup

30 Days of yoga has come and gone.

Daily mile challenge has come to an end.

One expected. On unexpected. Both were not meant to be long term commitments although I had no end goal for the walking. I enjoyed it but it was starting to become part of a stressor to get out for a mile than the stress reliever that it was supposed to be. Life got in the way and unless I had planned to go for an 11 PM walk it was not happening. I had contemplated going, but then thought what am I doing this for?

So I called it a day. Time of death Auguest 21rst which is exactly 2 months since I started the 1 mile a day streak. It was supposed to keep me moving through summer and it did. I no longer need this motivation as I have other motivations. I am part of a team of 7 in a fun team competition. I have some virtual events coming up and I am training for the NYC Virtual Marathon. So it is all good.

I will say I give major props to those that are dedicated to keep up a streaking challenge. Come rain, sun, snow or life events off they go to keep the streak alive. I’ve said before that I was never big on streaking (for me) and after doing it for 2 months, I am happy that I did it. I am even happier to be done with it.

As for the Yoga, I really enjoyed the 30 Day with Adriene Challenge. I was committed and every day I tuned into my practice with her. It was just what I needed. Some days I did more. Most days I did no more. As the days progressed, I allowed myself to just realize that yoga was more than just movement but connecting mind to body. It wasn’t necessarily about pushing my body to achieve positions but about coming to the mat. This challenge was good for me.

When I first went to yoga, I attended Hot Yoga. It was about the movement but it was also about feeling like I pushed myself. When I started the 30 day challenge at first I felt like I wasn’t pushing myself enough. That I wasn’t challenging myself enough. That I should be doing more. With some deep breathing and reflection, I realized that I was missing a big part of what yoga can be. It can be about relieving stress without pushing your body to the limit. That small movements over time bring about big changes. That sometimes in life just showing up to the mat is enough.

Isn’t that the truth? Sometimes we just need to show up. We need to show up for our family. We need to show up for our friends. Most of all we need to show up for ourselves. We often forget that last one putting ourselves at the bottom of the list. The saying is true that you can’t pour from an empty cup, yet so often we try to thinking that if only we try harder we can get more out.

Taking the time daily to go for a walk and do a short walk made me take time for myself every day. I needed to not squeeze it in but plan for it. It made me realize that we should be doing more of that in life. We need to not just think that we can keep on pouring without ever taking a sip for ourselves. There is more than enough to share, but we have to make sure to not give it all away.

So with both of these challenges now over, I am going to plan time to continue with both yoga and walking. I will plan these on my terms because it is something that I want to do and not have to do. It will be a way to replenish and find time for myself when during a pandemic when everyone is home ALL the time, I can find space just for me. Some days that will mean alone time. Some days it will mean joining a friend (safely). Most of all it will be about showing up for myself.

How do you show up for yourself?

GLORY DAYS

So many of us get caught up in the glory days of our past. Reminiscing about glory days…. Reminiscing is one thing, but getting lost in them is a whole other thing.

Lets be honest too. Often we skip over the sleepless nights of baby rearing saying how easy it was then. Remembering when we were in school think we had no cares. Forgetting both the social pressure and pressure to do well. We romanticize with most of our past this way.

There is really nothing sadder than a middle aged man or woman who is still living their glory days. Reveling in when they were star quarterback quarterback, cheerleader or any such thing. Having something amazing in front of you, but thinking it doesn’t compare to what you once had or worse dreamed of having. There is also nothing sadder than an athlete who keeps trying to hold on to their glory days too. In all of these cases, they are usually missing out on what is right in front of them.

Days you ran faster.

Days you ran further.

Oh what used to be.

Often we get so caught up in where we were that we forget to look forward to where we are going or even where we are now. Sometimes if we take off the rose colored glasses we also remember that our glory days are not as great as we make them out to be. We see this with people talking about their childhoods usually in comparison to the way kids are growing up now. They forget that it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be even if it was good. They look at it fondly forgetting the bad and while no one wants to focus on the bad, you can’t pretend it wasn’t there.

Now I am not saying that we should focus on the bad, but by discounting it sometimes it allows you to be stuck in the past because the future or present will never live up to it. Besides, they aren’t wrong when they say you can never go back.

You can’t.

Not going to happen.

Remember but don’t live in it.

Our lives change. Not just as an athlete, but as a human our lives change, our circumstances change and sadly our bodies change (and age). Now all that being said, you can be proud of your accomplishments. You can brag about them even, but what you can’t do is let them define where you are now. Most of all when you stop doing that you might just realize that you are able to enjoy today more than you did yesterday.

I’ve found that with my walking. Giving up where I was or thought I should be has allowed me to focus on where I am today. Now I am not saying that I will never run again because part of me already wants to run. That being said, I am enjoying learning what my body can do today. I have been walking at least a mile a day since June 21rst. I can walk more frequently and further without the physical downside when I was pushing to run (remember that whole Hypoparathyroidism thing).

Yesterday, I went out for a long walk as part of my NYC Virtual Marathon Training. I knew that I wanted to walk at least 8 but 10 was really my goal. When I reached 9.5, I met someone I know that was out walking and joined her. We chatted and I ended up hitting 11 miles. While I did end up with a blister (not uncommon for 3 hours on your feet) and I did need a short nap, I was not out for the count. I also realized that I need to stay true to this walking marathon training as the worst thing I can do is second guess where I am right now. The worst thing you can do is to try to make a major change in your training when you are in midst of it. I would only be setting myself up for failure.

Yes, I could most likely start running agin and I would be able to do it. The question is why would I be doing it. I would be doing it because I feel like it is expected to be doing it right now. When I tell people that currently I am not running and committed to walking, they do scratch their heads a little. It is not the norm to admit that you need a step back. It is not the norm to say that you are going to push it to the edge. It’s not the norm to admit that sometimes you need something different.

Then again as my friends can tell you……

I am not normal.

I’m ok with that.

Try it. It is freeing to break expectations. It is freeing to be who you are now. It is freeing to just be.

Easier is a Relative Term

Just because something is easier does not mean it is not hard. Nor does it mean that there aren’t challenges, learning curves, or doubt. Just because something is “easier” does not mean anything except that it is different. Besides easier is a relative term that is different for each individual and changes during their lifetime. What was once hard can become easier Just as what was once easy can become hard. It is all relative and ever changing.

There are things we do in life and often think to ourselves does it really matter. Maybe we won’t buy some brands because we don’t like what they support. Maybe we avoid certain establishments for the same reason. That is our freedom. Maybe we think it doesn’t matter if we dust behind the picture frames because who is going to see it. Meanwhile we see lines at the store, people using the products we wont, maybe the dust piles up and wonder does it matter. Does it make a difference, but it does. We would know. We know.

In life, you may fool a lot of people. You might even fool them for a long time, but there is one person you can’t fool and that is yourself. If you cheat on your diet and no one is around, you know you cheated. If you tell everyone you are training, but never actually train; you will know. Some even go so far as to cheat at events crossing finish line. They may even get the bling, but deep down they know they don’t deserve it.

Currently I am beginning my training for the NYC Virtual Marathon. I have decided that I am going to power walk it and I’ve been doing my daily walks. I am still working on the actual training plan and need to mark my calandar with the day that I plan to complete the marathon. This will help tailor my training. I am leaning towards November 1rst as that would be normal date, but not sure.

In talking to my son about this, he was like how will they know you didn’t cheat. So we talked about it. I told him that I’m sure just like other events that there will be people who don’t complete the race the way intended. That would be on them. For me though, I will know if I don’t do what I set out to do which is to complete a marathon. Others can worry about themselves because I will know that I did what needed to be done.

In life that is all you can ask of yourself because what you do in private is even more important that what you do in public. It is even more important to stay true to yourself, your beliefs and your honor even if you are the only one who will know. Especially if you are the only one who will know.

So with that I begin my training of a marathon that I said I didn’t want to run. I wasn’t lying because this time I don’t want to run. I’m going to walk and know that just because some may think this is easier, it is still going to be hard.