Tag Archive | 5k

Stepping Out of Fear

Often we live in fear and don’t even realize it. We wait for the shoe to drop. We expect the worst. We don’t even realize that it is there, because it almost becomes part of us. What fear does most though is the way it holds us back. We think, if I do this then X will happen. I can’t do this because Y will happen. So then nothing happens. We stand still and fear wins even if we don’t recognize it as what it is.

I have been letting fear hold me back. Now, don’t get me wrong….. there is a HUGE difference between being responsible, smart and listening to experts advice. There is also something to be said for not going in all willy nilly and not taking facts into consideration.

FACTS……

I have Hypoparthyroidism

I need to balance keeping my serum calcium levels in check while keeping my urine levels in check. (Yes, it is harder than it sounds)

Currently, running longer distances requires more calcium supplements which raises urine calcium levels. As does running faster paces.

I am currently under the care of a Endocrinologist whom not only do I feel, but 100% know understands this crazy disorder.

I am very lucky!

So with all of these hard and true facts, there is also some truth that needs to be faced. Due to fear of pushing my body too hard, I realized that I have not been pushing it enough. There are also some extenuating circumstances.

EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES……

There are only so many hours in the day and I have been burning the bridge at both ends….. between work, taking classes for CDA (Child Development Associate), my home baking business, my home, and trying to have a life; I have not been pushing myself to follow a routine.

But there is light at the tunnel. I have completed all my CDA classes, had the required evaluation and preparing to take the state test next month. I am also looking forward to only working 3 mornings a week over the summer and I realize I set the schedule for my home baking business.

Yesterday, I continued my goal of running one event a month. I haven’t been running or training as mentioned above. Yet, I ended up running (walking some) and finishing well.

As my friend said who I ran with (slightly paraphrasing) …….. You don’t run or train, yet you pull running a 5K out of your ass like you did the 10K in January. So shut up.

So with that….. I will not shut up because you know I can’t. What I will do though is stop letting the fear of failure, the fear of not being where I think I should be therefor keeping me from where I could go, and the fear of what if’s from keeping me from what I can do.

What I can do is face each day with hope, the knowledge that it will be what it will be and there are no guarantees.

Showing Up

Mar29

We show up for work. We show up for school. We show up for our friends, for all our responsibilities and we show up for so many things that we don’t even want to but feel we need to. We show up for everyone and everything else that often we forget to show up for ourselves.

Wait what????

We forget to show up for ourselves by letting people treat us wrong for too long. For not standing up for ourselves. For constantly putting the to do list before ourselves. No don’t get me wrong, there are times where it is pertinent and necessary for others and our to do list to come first. The problem is we often make that a pattern. We often make that the norm. We often say I need to do this, this, and this first. Then I will take care of myself

STOP THAT!

I realized that part of my issue with getting back on track is that before I would do a work out, before I would plan for my meals, before I would take care of myself; I felt I needed to take care of everything else. That everything else list has and always will be long long… Long… And never ending

I’m working towards my CDA. Lots of time there.

I started a home baking business and often have orders

I have a job outside the home that I am required to show up for.

I have a home and family that requires tending

Here’s the thing, though… I never put myself on the list or at the top of the list recently. And if I’m not on the list, then I’m not a priority. The things that I need to do for me are not getting done. I make sure everyone else in my home is taken care of up to, and including my pets. I forgot about me

Wow, many things on my to do list need to be done. There is still time in the day for me though. It will require planning/. It will require prioritizing. Most of all it will require knowing that I should….. No, that I need to be on the list as well!! So with that being said , I am making myself a priority. Yes cookies need to be baked, dinners need to be made and jobs need to be done, but there is still time for me.

Do you make time for you? So many of us especially mothers are used to putting everyone and everything before us but when the pattern does not allow for any time, there is a problem.

Since I have started putting myself on the list……

Workouts are getting done

My own meal planning is getting priority (loving meal service).

Feeling better and actually less stressed

How do you show up for yourself?

Unmotivated and I know it!

Jun16

Why is it so hard to get your shit together, but so easy for it all to fall apart?

I’ve been plugging along. Seems like what I do. Just enough to keep moving. Just enough when things fall apart to use the excuse that I’m not prepared. Just enough to still get out the door, but not enough to push the envelope.

Tuesday of this week, without training other than a run here and there, I ran a 5K in town. My plan was just to run it to see how I did and felt. I met a friend and her friend on the course. I ran the last 2 miles with them. I finished. I finished in a respectable time. I finished with a big sprint at the end. I finished pushing it, but knowing that I could have kept going (slower but still going) which is good because I’m running a 10K Saturday.

I think I need to go back to the fake it till you feel it mantra. I keep signing up to do things because I want to do the event, but training isn’t high on priority list. Seeing as I signed up for a Sprint Triathlon for September and don’t want to drown, I better get a plan together. Plus I decided to do another big fall event virtually which will require it’s own post….. until then, it’s really time to get going.

I think I’ve just been so unmotivated for multiple reasons. Dealing with pinched nerve in neck. Working… Baking….. unmotivated…. then even more unmotivated… finally extremely unmotivated.

What gives?

Al I keep going back to is if without training I can run a 5K in 35:11 and not die, what would happen if I actually got my head out of the sand and trained?

Hmmmmmm

Inquiring minds might actually want to find out

Get Out of Your Own Way

Feb6

I had planned to run my first in person 5K today. I thought it sounded fun and also safe since it was on the trails. The fun part was dressing in an adult onesie. I was all set to run in my unicorn onesie. I even roped a running friend in for the event. (Roped is a strong word……. I told her about it and asked if she wanted to sign up. So she did).

One of the best things is that my NYC Half Virtual training lined up with a set back week and running a 5K this weekend. Yeah…. When things align

Until they don’t.

Lots of snow last week made it seem like a challenge but a fun one. I do love the snow and I have Yaktraxs for my shoes and they have not been used in a long time.

Then the timing belt on my Honda Pilot decides that 100,090 miles is enough and decides that it is time to be replaced. So while I could have still gone in our other vehicle the prospect of driving over an hour in our big Truck and then trying to park was not appealing. While this is not a big rig, it is a king cab sized truck with a full pick-up bed and parking even my pilot is not my forte. So I decide not to go.

Boo……

My brave and very fu friend still goes as her daughter volunteered to go with her as her support team

Aren’t they cute?

I talked to her afterwards and she had a good run. She told me that I would have been able to park, but I think she overestimates my ability to park the truck. I’m sad that I missed the day, but it did make me realize something…….

I want to run again. Like many runners, I miss in person events and can’t wait to go to one. I also can’t wait to actually race….. Like race at my limit…….. Push myself till my sides hurt.

I did that today. I didn’t want today to be a washout, so I laced up and went on the treadmill. I did a 5 minute warmup walk. Then I cranked up the pace and ran. Unfortunately, I forgot to start my Garmin right away, so I had to actually run more than a 5K, but all is good.

It was hard……. I was pushing as hard as I could. I was sweating…….. At the end, my side was literally hurting……. It felt freaking awesome to push that hard. To go to the limit. To know that if I do what I need to do, I can get where I need to go.

When you stop comparing yourself to others……… When you stop comparing yourself to what you once were…….. When you stop thinking about what you wish it was……….. Most of all when you get out of your own way, it is amazing to see where you actually can go.

One Month In

May28

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been here. I’ve thought about it. I’ve had ideas of what I wanted to say, but never got further than that. Here’s the scoop.

I’ve been on Natpara for 4 weeks now. I’m loving the way I feel on the new medication and I’ve even gotten used to giving myself a shot every morning. It’s a noticeable change. I am happy with not feeling like grandma in the morning. No more muscle spasms either. As said before, my head is much clearer and I do feel more like myself. More energy and other symptoms disappearing too. I will say that I’ve also noticed that my running has improved too in the sense that I’m actually able to run:)

I ran a local 5K in May, United for a Cause. I finished in 30:41 which is a 9:54 pace. This was my first race on Natpara. I had done a St Barts 5K in early March where I finished in 31:18 with a pace of 10:04. While it may appear that my races were similar, it really couldn’t be further from the truth. The first 5K, I had to prepare by making sure that I took my meds and calcium prior to the event. Plus I had calcium in my water. I also rested a few days before event and pushed myself to the limit for this event. On top of that, the two courses could not have been more different. The St Barts event was a fairly flat course with really only one hill at the mid point. The United for a Cause was a constant up and down of hills. Also the St Barts event is first thing in morning while United for a Cause is in evening. Comparing the two actual events is like comparing and apple and orange.

Now with that being said, there were also very notable differences in recovery. Where St Barts left me exhausted and needing downtime, there was no such recovery needed for United for a Cause other than stretching. I felt fine….. no twitching muscles, no need of extra calcium, no need of extra I felt like me.

It’s funny though how in life acceptance is a funny things. I don’t mean funny as full belly laugh, but funny in that you go back-and-forth with acceptance. I really thought that I had reached a stage of acceptance for being hypopara. I was wrong. I think I was just holding on to that everything would disappear with the Natpara and poof everything that comes with hypopara would be gone – no more monitoring for sypmtoms, balancing pills, and anxiety of what comes next.

All that being said, I did have unrealistic expectations for Natpara. I really thought of it as a magic pill or in this case magic shot where I would no longer have any symptoms or even think about having Hypopara. It would all just disappear. Now don’t get me wrong, it has been life changing I have also been able to stop taking Calcitroil and have lowered my calcium supplement intake while having great calcium levels. That being said, I still need to juggle supplements and symptoms.

I’m back to relearning what my body needs with my calcium intake. I pretty much knew what I needed when before starting and now I’m kind of back to square one. I’ve got it pretty down pat without heavy exercise, but as the miles increase I will need to add some more calcium to my routine especially during the hot summer months. It will all be worth it though and already is. I keep saying that I can’t go back and am so thankful to be able to feel like myself again.

So once again I’m back to the acceptance stage, but it is easier to accept when your feeling so much better.

Recovery Done Right

Mar31

I will give you that most people don’t need to spend time recovering from just a 5K. I will give you that in the past even at my longest most grueling races, I haven’t really been good about recovery.

Case in point: I ran Dirty German 50K. I crossed the finish line. Since I was doing the race solo, I ended up getting food, gathering my stuff, and diving the few hours home. When I ran the Marine Corps Marathon, I was with my sister and mother. I grabbed some food. We grabbed an Uber back to our hotel that we were already checked out of and we did the long drive from DC to NJ. At least I only drove till we got to the first rest stop where I changed out of my race gear. Then my sister drove. At every NYC marathon, it is hours before I finally make it home to change and clean up.

You see a pattern here.

It’s not a good pattern, but one most can recognize. Running races usually means traveling to event even if it’s in driving distance. Most of us also usually have to get back to a day to day lives relatively quickly without a lot of time to relax.

Besides training, elite runners have an edge when it comes to recovery. It’s part of the job description because they know they need to take the time and they do. Granted, they might not need as much recovery as the rest of us but they also build it into their training. Why do those of us who probably need it more than they do, not take the time?

As said before……. We usually have to get back to our daily routines. We are usually feeling guilty for the time we take to train and do an event that taking that extra step makes us feel a little more selfish. It’s not selfish though. It’s part of training. One that we usually ignore to our own peril.

I am trying to be better which tends to happen when your body forces you to access what it needs. Yesterday it was easy because time was on my side. First I stretched after race. Then I came home and soaked in an Epsom salt bath. Then off to a nice lunch followed by a short nap. If all that wasn’t decadent enough……

I went for a Spa Pedicure that included a hot towel wrap with 10 minute leg massage. Then at completion of pedicure a 10 minute neck and shoulder massage. Pure heaven.

And while maybe a 5K didn’t need this much of a recovery, why not enjoy it when I have the time. Plus outside of my quads today, I am feeling pretty good. Everyone should be sore the day after pushing it in a race.

I am working on not just working so hard, but realizing that if I am going to push it to the limit that I also need to allow time to recover. Not view it as treating myself, but viewing it as necessary. I am turning 50 next month. As the saying goes, I am not getting any younger but that wont stop me. What will stop me is if I don’t realize that I am worth the extra time and not only am I worth it but it is necessary.

Train hard.

Race hard.

Recovery just as hard.

Well That Was Unexpected

Mar30

I admit that I really did not know what to expect today. I went into this as you know with no plan. No expectations and just a wanting to run. I honestly thought that I would run too fast and end up having to carry myself to the finish, but I didn’t. The weather played nice and it was one of those beautiful Spring days where it is sunny and comfortable which made my choice of a tank and shorts perfect. I was wearing it anyway, but at least no one questioned it:)

I prepared for the race by resting yesterday, taking my meds before the race and having Cal-ez in my water to keep things stable. I got to the event early because I wanted to be able to park and also because I got the start time wrong by 1/2 hour. Better to be too early than too late. Getting there early allowed me to do some pre race stretching, chat with friends, and just do my favorite people watching. As the race was getting closer, I kept the plan of just running. So I did.

Luckily this course starts on a small uphill which does keep you in check because you think about it. This race has a lot of young kids running and they all take out like it’s a sprint. I found myself in the beginning running in the 9’s and I knew that would not work. So I slowed it down to a pace where I was still pushing but felt like I might be able to maintain. Good choice.

I did not watch my watch once I set my pace until the mid point. Then I looked at the time, I thought to myself…… I just might be able to be under 35 minutes. So I kept on running. I did walk up through a water stop. Then towards the end where I knew there was a short hill. When I was close to the top, I started walking but then realized once I turned it was downhill to the finish line.

So I ran. I ran hard. I ran fast. I ran through the finish line and when I finished I thought I wanted to Puke. My friend Robyn would be proud because that means that I was giving it all I had at least that is her theory. I am just happy that I didn’t throw up because their is apparently a stomach virus running through the High School with almost 200 kids out which, of course, meant discussion on town page. I thought to myself if I throw up they will all think I have the stomach bug and that will be another Facebook post and chaos to the 5k as people run away. So I walked it off and thankfully held it all together.

Not only did I hold it together, but it looks pretty with those negative splits.

Official Finish time: gun 31:38. chip 31:18

I’ve got to say that I didn’t think I had this in me. A friend replied to my Facebook post, “She’s Back.” And while I might dispute that comment, I can not deny how pleased I am with how I finished especially because I have not been training for time. I do think that what I am learning is that I need to stop thinking so much and as the saying goes… Shut up and run.

It was a good morning followed by a great day of recovery which I will chat about tomorrow:)

Racing to the Finish Line

Mar29

As you know, I’ve completed my Couch to 5 K program. Although I have now run a 5K on my own now, I have not “officially” completed a 5K race since finishing the program. Tomorrow I will run a local 5K.

I’m running it because I like this race. It supports a local parish in town which is nice, but it also has the benefit of a nice fairly flat course. Plus I will know people running it too. Plus, I want to run a 5K again.

I’ve run this 5K twice. Once in 2014 where I finished in 27:17 and once in 2016 finishing in 27:20. Tomorrow my goal is to finish in under 35 minutes and if I’m really lucky and push it tremendously I would LOVE to finish in under 30 minutes. I don’t think that is going to happen, but a girl can dream.

Do I have a plan?

Nope.

Am I going to pace myself?

Nope

Am I being smart?

That’s debatable…….

Don’t worry Mom, I am preparing:) I’m adding Calez to my water which I will carry to keep my calcium levels up. I will take my meds earlier tomorrow before the race too.

Here’s the thing. Yes, I know that part of my running issues right now are health related and who knows what will happen once the Natpara starts. Maybe I will be able to train the way I used to, but really that comes secondary or third or fourth or fifth on the list. That being said, even without the physical aspect of being slower, in looking at my times on Athlinks I realized that my best times for running (minus the sub 2 half that I had a coach train me for), my best times, were when I just went out and ran with no plan. No thoughts. No set pace. I realize that I overthink which for some when running makes them a better runner. For me it might cause self doubt, un-realized self sabotage, and just giving up. Shocking, I know.

I need to get out of my own way. Remember the whole point of going back to C25K was to go back to basics. Well that also (for tomorrow) means just running to run. Running to push myself. Running to test my limits. Running to see how far I can push myself and at the end of the day have a realistic concrete idea of where my body is at and what it can do.

So I plan to start at the finish line and just run. Run just for the fun of it because I am not by any means hoping to PR for this event or my 5K PR of 26:26. It has been so long since I pushed myself and if I can push myself to a 30, 35, or even a 45 because I push too far and have to walk at least I will know where I am at.

Sometimes just knowing where you are at is all you need. And yes, there is a part of me that dreams that I will finish in a stellar time, but that is not the reality and you’ve got to have dreams. I need to take a chance to believe that I can push myself again because honestly I have been afraid of pushing too far.

Besides I plan to use what I learn tomorrow for future training that will be beginning in the near future, but we can talk about that after tomorrow.

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do even it it’s hard. Tomorrow is going to be hard but maybe it’s good to remind myself that I can do hard things!

Race Recap and Proud Tutu Wearing Mama!

Mar2

I ran a 5K yesterday. When I signed up for it, I had aspirations of this being my 25 minute PR. I knew going in that this would not be so and I am glad that I adjusted my expectations beforehand as it was a beautifully out and back hilly course. I wish that I was not pushing it as there were some spectacular views of the Hudson that I would have liked to get a picture of, but I was running a race and couldn’t stop for pictures. I will say that if I do meet the goal this year, it will not be on a course like this one. That being said, I still did well with a 28:25 time. I’m happy. This will move me up a coral in my Road Runner races now. Yeah me:)

Now since I knew going into this I was only going to end up using this run as a good push it run, I decided to make it fun and wear a Tutu! Actually, I was not alone in my tutu either. We had a clown car filled with six of us MRTT Mama’s and five of us opted for the tutu. This got me thinking as to why sane rational woman would wear a tutu. I can only speak for me, but this is what I came up with.

It is just fun!

Think about it….

As a woman….

As a mother…..

As a wife…..

As a Cub Scout Leader (yup, that’s me)…….

As a woman with lots and lots of responsibilities, jobs, and things on our plates…..

When do we just let to let it all hang out?

When do we just let to do something silly?

I am well past the time when I am not always juggling something.

I am well past the time for stupid silly either.

So for me wearing a tutu is my chance to just be silly and I’m not talking “play with your kid” silly either. So if wearing a tutu allows me to remind myself that it is ok to just be silly for the sake of silly, why not? I think this is a much healthier outlet that ending up on an episode of “Mom’s gone wild.” This is wild enough for me. This is my chance to “let my hair down” in a fun positive way.

Tutu’s Rock in that way!

I will also add that my group was asked a few times to have our picture taken by random people. We even made the Road Runners Race Album. One guy even wanted to be in the picture with us! Not sure what he will tell his friends when he shows them the pictures, but he wasn’t laughing at us but with us. Yes, there were some but not as many as you would think who may have been laughing at us, but you know what…..

I DON’T CARE!

This is my race, my tutu, and my friends.

We had a great time rockin our tutus and to me it really is all about the fun.

So as a Mom who is only a month away from 46, if I want to act like a kid and wear a tutu, silly hats, silly socks, ect when I run so be it.

Readjusting Goals and Expectations

Feb17

With all goal setting, it is important along the way to take stock of how things are going and how expectations are meeting reality.

This is where I am today.

One of my goals for this year was to have a Bib a month. I was very clear in my goals that Bibs would not carry over and only one a month would count on this. Well it is time to readjust this goal seeing as I feel like I live in the Frozen Tundra and there are no races this month. More to the point the races that were available, I could not do. I wasn’t overly concerned because my MRTT group was hosting a Frozen Booty event. I was going to do the 5K. First we had a problem with the location and it was decided to be less formal event at a local park. Then the weather took a sever dive and it was determined that everyone would run their own race and post their times. I still did my 5K. I even did it outside because I really, really, really dislike the treadmill. My time was not spectacular, but I did it. I finished in 31:03. Actually not bad considering I walked at some points because I didn’t feel like landing on my behind in the snow. But I did it. I also plan to count this as I submitted my time to the National Chapter of MRTT. Official enough for me.

One of my other goals for the year is to run a 5K in 25 minutes. As I’ve said before, my PR for a 5K is 27 minutes. I had hoped to know this goal out at the March 1rst 5K, but I really don’t see it happening. I’ve been running on the treadmill, but I hate the treadmill. This is not to say that I’m not going to try, but I think realistically I hopefully can reach this goal later in the year. This is not the only 5K that I will run this year and this is only a goal at a local 5K. If I don’t make it this year, I can always try again next.

As for my goal of qualifying for the NYCM, I do seem to be on track for that one. I’ve already done one race and I’m registered for 5 more. Along the way, my cohort and I are trying to make sure that we also run enough of the Borough series races to automatically qualify for the NYC Half Marathon next year. Wouldn’t that be nice. We’ve already got one qualifying event under our belt and are registered for others. With any luck, things will fall into place and next year we can run the half and full. That would be amazing to say the least! So must keep on running to make sure that happens.

It is nice too that I can already say that I’ve reached a goal by running a trail half this year. Thanks Dawn:)

So as of now, I am satisfied with where I am in my training and my goals.

and

No, I haven’t forget the 2 hour Half. Just not sure of when.

How are you doing with yours?

The Accidentally Running Mama

Run, Bike, Swim and Have a Life!