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Driving with the Handbrake On

I once shared a quote saying that having Hypopara was like driving with the handbrake on. This is really a good description.

Imagine that for a week you stayed up late every night only to have to get up early every morning to go to work. Than after doing this for several days, you not only stay up late but stay up late drinking. You do this for a few nights. Then after several days of doing this you wake up and are expected to run a marathon. Not only did you have to run the marathon, but you were expected to run it well. You were further expected to do so without a complaint and ignoring any discomfort that you might have. Just do it.

This is living with hypopara. And I don’t mean being an athlete with Hypoparathyroidism. I mean just day to day living with it. Now I share this because as my friends know, I am a firm believer that knowledge is power. That sharing our experiences helps us to understand each other and be able to support each other better. That in order to understand someone, you need to understand where they are coming from or have been. This is where I am now. So I share this analogy for that reason.

Today I went out for week 6 Day 3 of my C25K training. This was the longest run yet with this program. After walking for 5 minutes, I needed to run for 22 minutes with no walking. I admit that I wasn’t sure I would be able to do it, but I was determined to do it.

I’ll let you in on a secret. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am very stubborn. Just ask my mother. I went into this run today determined to do it. I went into this run really not sure if I could do it. There were times on this run that I cursed. I wish on that hill that I had seen the woman in her front yard because she might have thought that I had turrets. There were times I looked at my watch to count the minutes down. I did not stop. I did not quit. I finished.

Not only did I finish, but since I was running outside I had to walk home when done. I ended up finishing a total of 3 miles in a little over 40 minutes.

I am happy. I am pleased with myself. I have my feet in my foot massager. I will nap shortly. But best of all, I did it.

Right and Wrong

No matter where you fall in the spectrum on how we can improve and fix our broken healthcare system in this country, most will agree that there is a problem. I have thought for a long time and it has been brought home to me so much more these last two years that the biggest problem is that we have taken so much of the decision making off of the doctors. Again, there is much to this discussion but I am going to be very narrowly focused on this in this post. This post will focus on my issues and you can glean from that how this effects our system in a broader sense.

For those who have been here a while, you know that two weeks after running the 2016 NYCM I had my thyroid removed. This not only left me without a thyroid, but my parathyroid glands were damaged leaving me also with hypoparathyroidism. I was led to believe prior to surgery that this very infrequent possibility would really just be a minor inconvenience of having to take calcium supplements.

That is both right and wrong.

Wrong – It is not a minor blip.

Right…. Yes, my body no longer produces the parathyroid hormone (PTH), thereby causing my body to be unable to regulate it’s calcium. PTH also controls the level of phosphorus and has a role in the production of the active form of vitamin D. All of these activities are required to maintain calcium balance which does so much more than give you good teeth and strong bones.

Here is a list of common complications

“Tingling of the lips and hands (due to muscle spasms and overactive nerves), muscle cramps, and pain in face, legs, feet Dry hair, brittle nails, dry skin, and weakened tooth enamel Abdomen pain, muscle pain, constant headaches Cataracts, heart arrhythmia, peaked QT waves (shown on EKG) Tetany (muscle spasms) of trachea/larynx, causing breathing difficulties Kidney stones and kidney failure due to high phosphorous. Deafness and hearing loss is connected to hypoparathyroidism due to a defective receptor on the kidneys Irritability, confusion, dementia, hallucinations. Convulsions or seizures Sleep apnea and insomnia Consciousness decreased Learning disabilities and behavioral disabilities (ADD, etc.) Hypocalcemia and hyperphosphatemia “

Now I can tell you off the bat that I’ve had a decent amount of these. I’ve been lucky not to have any of the major ones (yet), although at my last eye exam she did see the beginning of cataracts (I’m not even 50 yet). Now the reason I think that I have been so lucky not to have the kidney issues is because within a year of my surgery, I was seeing a doctor in NYC who specializes in this disorder. If not, I would bet that I would be having issues.

Prior to seeing this specialist, I saw another doctor who only looked at the calcium blood levels. They were great. Right in the normal zone. The problem was that he never checked the output. The first thing this doctor did was order a 24- hour urine test. My results were a 578. To be clear anything over 300 is bad. With these results, we worked on lowering this number. In order to do this, we had to reduce my calcium supplements and prescription medications. Mission accomplished.

Now the flip side to this….. In order to bring down the urine calcium output, I had to bring down the input. Makes sense. BUT that then also reduces my actual blood calcium levels. I live in a state of perpetually low calcium. 8.5 is considered the low end of normal. My last blood drawl, I was at 8. Living on the edge that’s what I do.

So my doctors and I decided that quality of life was suffering due to this constant state of low calcium…… Muscle spasm’s, muscle cramps, dry skin, napping almost daily, brain fog like you would not believe and more. I’ve said to my family that I make this look easy. On a daily basis, I just go about my business getting done what needs to get done but they don’t see the cost…..

Some mornings, needing to use the nightstand to get out of bed like a grandma. Afternoons where it is all I can do to push through till I can literally close my eyes. And I’m not talking about, “Oh I’m tired I wish I could nap” feeling. I’m talking about, “if I don’t rest for at least 15 minutes I’m going to fall down” feeling. There is a lot to this crap that just becomes part of your daily life, so there really is no need to talk about it. Some days I use the grit that gets me to the finish line of a marathon just to make it to the end of the day. You do what you’ve got to do.

I also firmly with no proof believe that being an athlete helped me. It helped me because I was already in tune to my body. Learning to listen to the signs when training that I could tell when my body needed extra calcium and adjusted accordingly. It’s a guessing game, because there is no at home monitoring system like a diabetic has with insulin levels. Because of this, I have been able to adjust and keep myself from crashing which for many requires a trip to emergency room to get IV.

I know that for a whole host of reasons, I am very lucky. Yet, my treatment plan to add Natpara is not mine and my doctors to make apparently. Insurance has denied it because I do not meet their criteria. Even though my doctor and I think I do.

So because apparently this treatment option is very costly, my doctor and I need to jump through hoops to prove why it is necessary. I feel like the monkey in the middle. It is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. So now it’s time to jump through hoops with my doctors help to justify to someone why I should be able to have the treatment plan that my doctor and I agree is the right course of action for me.

I wonder at what point in our country, did we stop letting doctors and patients make decisions that were best for the patient and not the bottom line of an insurance company.



Expectations

Why do we always look at starting over in a negative manner? Isn’t it positive that in many cases we were willing to pick ourselves up and begin again?

Why yes, yes it is.

Don’t we normally look forward and congratulate those who are starting new chapters in their lives….. Weddings, babies, going off to college, ect, ect.. And while some new beginnings are not wanted and are hard, picking yourself up and having the courage to face a new beginning makes you a stronger person even if its one you never wanted or would wish on anyone.

As I’ve mentioned before, once again I’m starting over. Back to square one. I went through the motions and pretended that I didn’t need to do this, but I did. I beat myself up about it even while I was starting it until I realized the beauty of starting over.

No expectations. As nike says…. Just Do It.

I’m working on week 4 in my C25K program. I’m sticking to it. No more. No less, but I’m getting it done. I have enjoyed going back to the beginning. When I started my fitness journey years ago, I needed to learn what my body needed. What it could do. How far I could push it. I’m relearning that again and it feels good.

After NYCM, I went almost 2 months of not running where I felt “normal” where I gave my body a chance to just be. It needed it. I need it. I am now relearning what my body can do and what the effects are once it does it. My legs are once again sore. I need to stretch. I’ve been using my back and foot massager a lot. After 2 months of not feeling like this, it’s an adjustment. One that I like. I’m realizing just how far I can push myself and if I go too far what I will deal with. I’m learning, adjusting, and moving forward with the knowledge.

It was interesting the other day I went for blood work and then after for my run. I’ve been running on the treadmill so that I can more closely monitor my pace and also so I only do what I need to do. I could tell going in that my calcium was low which the blood work confirmed, so I did not push the pace. I had a good run and finished more than 2 miles. What was good about this though is that not only did I do the run, but my instinct about where my body was right on the money. Learning to read the signs and trust them.

I will say that this time is also helping me make friends with running on a treadmill. I am able to control the pace. I am able to control how long I will be running. On the plus side, I am also avoiding the cold. That being said, I’ve had the confidence to push the paces (for me) and hit my targeted goals of sticking with the program.

I’m not sure where this new fitness journey will take me, but i will admit that I am glad the I am on it.

Where are you going?


Give Me A Break….

While this blog is called the Accidentally Running Mama, I’ve decided that I’m going to be the purposefully taking a break from Running Mama for a bit.    I’m not done running.   I’ve got many more miles in me, but I realized that for now running is not bringing the joy to me that it once did.   There are a variety of reasons, but I think the best way to find the joy is to take a moment.  

I’ll be honest, the only thing that motivated me and kept me running these last few months is that I was running for Sandy Hook Promise.   It was never about the running, it was about them.   Now that I do not have that incentive and need to run for me, I just don’t want to.

I have been pushing myself these last 2 years since my surgery.   First recovering from the actual surgery.   Then running Chicago Marathon just to prove that I could still run a marathon.   Then as I just said, NY was not about me but about a cause very near and dear to my heart.    Now it is well past time that I intentionally sit back, reassess where I want to go and how I want to get there.    What is the point in reaching a destination if your not sure that’s even where you want to go.

I admit that I’ve let myself get sucked in.   I’ve let myself be ruled by the what ifs.   The maybes.   The it could happen.   When you do that, you don’t live to the fullest.   You live in the shadows and miss out.   So I’ve been living in the shadows so to speak.   I’ve been pushing forward pretending that I didn’t need this breather, but I do.

I need to take a moment for a few reasons:

In order to keep my urine calcium levels in normal range, I have been keeping my blood calcium under the normal range.   While this has been good for my kidneys, overall it has not been good for me.   The lower calcium blood levels cause fatigue, depression, muscle cramps, muscle spasms’ just to name a few.   Now while it might seem like I am complaining, I also know how lucky I am because there are many who have it so much worse than me.   That is where I’ve been living in the shadows.  Almost waiting for the other shoe to drop and trying to pretend that the shoes are on tight.

I’ve been talks with my doctor to possibly take a daily injection of the hormone my body no longer produces (PTH).   This has been very successful for many.   Allowing them to reduce their medications and supplements.   It is a scary concept because this medication does come with a warning label for bone cancer although I’ve been told that there have been no reported cases.   I’ll be honest, I watched my brave father-in-law die of bone cancer and I don’t think I could be as brave as him.   Plus, I’m only turning 50 this year and I’m not sure what the long term effects of this would be besides the fact that it is ungodly expensive.   Like Seriously, you could buy a house some places for the cost of it for a year.

Anyhoo….. While I ponder the above, I’ve decided that I need to step out of the shadows.   While I have no idea what my calcium levels are since you can only find out with a blood work, I have added an extra 250 mg of Calcium to my regime a day.   And yes, I mean regime….. 4 times a day remembering to take my pills which is why I use a daily pill box.   I can tell though that this small addition has made a difference.  I can actually now make it through most days without NEEDING (like can’t keep eyes open) to take a short nap.   My face no longer passes the Chvostek sign test.  My mother thinks it makes my face look like it wobbly like jello.    That being said, I do not think I’ve raised my calcium high enough to cause other issues because my legs still cramp at night.

On top of that I do believe that I’ve got some foot issues.   My guestimated diagnosis is Morton’s Neruoma but I’m only using Dr Google.  Although I’ve got no clue.   I’m waiting till January to see Podiatrist  if it is still bothering me.   I’ve got a valid reason to wait… Insurance.   Anyway if I am right and even if I’m wrong, resting my foot is usually a recommendation.  

I’ve also decided that I’m going to take this time to start eating healthier.   Adding more natural minerals into my body.   Mainly Calcium and Magnesium.   This past week I have started on this journey by beginning my foray into juicing which I will share in a later post.

And finally, I need to get back to the gym.   Besides the obvious reasons, I do think it will also help me to learn how far I can push myself which has become more of a mental issue.

Anyway, even though I am not going to be running, I am also not planning to sit still.   I hope to be as productive as I can be during this crazy time of year.   But I think for me, at this time, this is what I need.

Time for a Break

Embrace The Suck

Yesterday  I needed to go for my long run of 15 miles.   I knew going in that the run might be difficult, so from the very beginning I said that my motto for this run would be:

Embrace The Suck!

As I was beginning my run, I chuckled and thought to myself that it kind of is a metaphor for life too.    Now hear me out.    Sometimes in life things are going suck.   Things are going to go wrong.    Things are going to be hard.   And sometimes, things are going to be downright shitty.

Yes I know very uplifting, but we all know that life isn’t always a bowl of cherries.    The thing is that you have to embrace the suck to get to the good stuff.   You have to push through it when it’s hard.   You have to dig your heels in and just keep moving forward.   You have to know that at the end of the suck is something good.  You have to just keep going, because if you stick around long enough  you come out that much stronger.

strenght

So with that being said, I embraced the suck of yesterday’s 15 mile run.    As I said I knew it would be suck some for a few reasons.

  1.  It’s a long run and they usually suck.
  2.  I need new sneakers
  3. I’ve been messing up with my meds

So I went out with the mindset that no matter what, I would embrace the suck.   Do what I needed to do and get my run in.    The goal was to finish no matter what.   I felt like this was a long enough run to gage some things for New York and what I need to do in the next 46 days.

I have realized that it takes my body normally a good 3 miles to get into the rhythm of a run.   This morning was no exception.    Then I realized that I did not take my morning meds, so I ended up looping my run back to my house so that I could do so.    This was more necessary because I’ve been a little off with my timing lately. (Don’t worry, I’m trying to be better).    Anyway, meds taken and out the door I went.   It was hard.   I was sweating like I ran in a sprinkler, but I was embracing the suck and moving forward.    I was running where I should be especially for the distance keeping an average  pace in the 12’s &  13’s.    By mile 10, I was feeling a little off.    For me I can tell when my levels are dipping because I feel like a twitch in my face even if it’s not visible and some tingling/numbness in my hands.    I was prepared and did have some Calez (powdered calcium) to add to my water.    I am thinking for the marathon to fill all my bottles up with this and then just get plain water at the water stations.

I pushed forward.   By almost miles 13, I was out of water which is never good.   Luckily, I plan my runs so that I am never far from a friends house or place I can stop at.   I took my smelly sweaty self into a bistro where I purchased the most delicious chilled Gaterade and a bottle of water to refill.    Then off I went embracing the suck.

Here’s the thing….  As sucky as it was, it was also good.    I did feel stronger at the end of my run.   I did feel confident and the end of my run.    I did realize that running alone through the streets will be so much different than when running with 50, 000 of my closest friends who will all be embracing the suck.  I did feel like I could keep running and I did feel strong enough to keep going.   And I also realized that in the end, it is all worth it.

Is It Worth It?

Running a marathon is hard.   It is hard for everyone from the first place finisher to the final finisher.   It takes dedication, pain, time, and so much more to not only get to the start line, but to cross that finish line.     Often during marathon training season a runner will question their sanity, their endurance, and their sanity again.

Recently I’ve been mulling around the question in my brain…..

At What Cost?

I’m part of many online running groups and have been for years.   I will say that being part of the Moms Run This Town group is what took my running to the next level.   It introduced me to a group of amazing and dedicated runners whose experience I learned from and helped prepare and gently push me to take leaps of faith in my running.    I really owe that group to where I am today.

With any running/training group there are people for all over the spectrum….. From full Ironman competitions, 100 mile events, 5k’s and any other number of amazing feats.   There are also people whose feats are amazing just for getting out the door.   Everyone determines their own path in this world and just because someone does not take their running “to the next level” does not make their feats any less praise worthy.

Each person chooses their own path.   Their own destiny.   Their own finish line.  Some great feats are obvious to all, but some are not so easily recognized.

Recently I was taking with a woman from my Hypopara athlete training group.   We were talking about various treatment options, comparing levels, and symptoms.   She by trade was an amazingly organized person and created spreadsheets tracking her levels, dosages, and such.   Have to say that I was in awe of what she did and felt like a bit of a slacker, but I’ve never been that organized of a person.   Anyone want to create spreadsheets for me?  Ha!

During our chat,  we talked exercise.   Her doctor who is also a leading doctor for Hypoparathyroidism has different mindset than mine who is also a leading doctor. Hers does not want her to do strenuous exercise because then she must up her calcium intake while my doctor does not think this is an issue as long as my levels stay good.   I do need to up calcium levels during exercise and while I do not take a tremendous amount of calcium compared to some people with the disorder, I do adjust on days that I push myself adding almost 1000mg or more depending upon intensity/sweating/distance.

She asked me a question that I can’t seem to shake….

Is it worth it?

My immediate response was yes because I get so much from it.   Great cardio workout,  hopefully help to maintain weight which creeped up, friendships, and honestly the most important… The peace of mind it brings.   The clarity that I get when my mind ponders things during a run I have not been able to duplicate elsewhere.

Still…. I ponder….

Even with these things I need to ask myself, “Is it worth it?”

Pushing myself can be difficult.   I’ve recently realized that my calcium drops with my cycle but even at my “normal” levels there are issues.   And while I have adjusted and continued my training,  I have been pondering what to do after NYC Marathon.

The marathon is a tough beast.   It is unforgiving.   It is intense.    It is harsh, but in the end and at it’s core

IT IS A BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING JOURNEY

For now, it is worth it.

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Nothing Worthwhile is Easy

As a runner we all have running montras

Your race, your pace

If it was easy, everyone would do it.

Your only competing against yourself.

Your lapping everyone still on the couch.

 

And while all of these montras are true and for the most part I do 100% believe them, there are times when it is hard.   When it is hard to let things go.   When those nasty thoughts enter my head.   Not jealous of other runner and their accomplishments, but angry with myself for where I am.

While I know others have it worse than I do….

While I know that I am not alone in having struggles…

While I know that it could be so much worse and others suffer more…

I also know that there are many people with Hypoparathyroidism that would love to do the things that I currently do because they are unable to.

That does not lesson my struggles and my reality.   As with any chronic disease, each person manifests the symptoms differently.   There is no one size fits all.  And with Hypoparathyroidism, it is different all the time.   Calcium levels fluctuate and there is no way to know.   It’s all just a guessing game on a daily basis since different days may require more calcium intake just to keep your body functioning at not even peak, but just below peak.   There is not at home blood test like a diabetic uses to determine calcium need.   It’s all just a guessing game.

I’ve said it before and I do believe it with not a shred of scientific evidence to back me up that the reason that I am able to do the things I do now is because of the aerobic shape I was in before my surgery.  I literally ran the NYC Marathon just 2 weeks prior to my thyroid surgery.   There are some people with my disease that need to go out on disability because the struggle is so bad.   Again each person is different.

This past weekend I just got back from a 10 day camping trip in Vermont.   I said to my son while we  were out on a 16 mile bike ride around the lake (mind you the day after climbing Jay’s Peaks a 4,000 foot elevation) that I was going to be slow.   I told him that although I make it look easy, I struggle more than he knows.   This is true because while I moan and groan here on my blog, in person I usually just don’t complain.  Really what will it do?

Here is the truth that I’ve said before….. For right now in order to keep my kidneys healthy, I need to keep my calcium level low which brings the symptoms associated with it.     To name a few,  muscle cramps and fatigue which makes training a little more difficult than it used to be.   I also can’t handle the heat as easily as I used to be.

Nothing worthwhile in life is easy.  Marriage, Having kids, raising kids, even some friendships at times are hard.  Nothing is easy.   They are all worth the struggle, but not necessarily easy.   The payoff is worth the effort.

Nothing worthwhile in life is easy….

Especially running a marathon.

This will be my second marathon with Hypoparathyroidism.    It will be my 6th overall.   Each one had it’s challenges.   Each one had it struggles.   I was able to push through all of them and make it to the finish line.   This time it will be no different.

effort

 

 

 

Limitations

We all hate limitations.   Limitations on a sale item.   Limitations on our time.   Limitations on our food portions (oh wait, maybe that’s just me!).   Certainly limitations on our bank accounts.   Can we all agree that limitations just suck?

Add to the list – limitations on your running abilities.

Today’s run was definitely one where I felt my limitations.   I was running on empty which I knew when I went out for my run which annoyed me.   I usually try to push through my limitations and pretend they are not there, but when your lips start to tingle and your eye feels like it wants to twitch, there is only so much you can do.   Some limitations are just that limitations.

In my day to day life, I like to pretend these limitations don’t bother me.   I know it is what it is and I have accepted it, but acceptance does not always mean making peace.  Those are two different organisms.    It is a work in progress, but some days it is harder than others.

Today I when I went out for my run, I already knew I was sluggish which annoyed me.   I pushed the pace more than I should.   If you looked at my overall splits, they look good.   But if you look closer, I may have been a hot mess.   I was pushing paces that I had no business pushing even hitting an 8:52 at one point.   These paces were not sustainable, at at least I was smart enough to walk/run.  Although because I was running too fast, by mid run I was walking more than I should.

That being said overall paces looked nice

11:14, 11:08, 11:53

But again not the whole truth.

The truth is this was not a smart run.    This run was not what I needed, but as I told a friend afterwards, “Some times you’ve got to say what the F.”

So I dusted myself off, I took some extra calcium, and I will try to run where I am an not where I want to be.

Besides if making peace with things in life was so easy, you would not appreciate it when you actually do find it.

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Getting It Done

The thing about having an “invisible” illness, a complicated illness, a rare illness is that your start to wonder if it’s all in your head.   It’s easy to do too, because most of the time you keep it to yourself.  Then if you do say something many don’t understand and some will think you are exaggerating.   So after a while you just suck it up and go about your day.   The more you do that, the more you start to wonder if it really is all in your head.  Then you begin to question it all.

Are my legs so sore in  morning because I’m getting older?

Can I not run this fast because I’m just not training enough?

Am I taking it too easy because I forgot how to push myself?

Suck it up Buttercup!

Then you remember…

You do have it.   It is real.   It’s not in your head.   It sucks, but it could be much worse.   Most importantly, your doing the best that you can.

Now the best that I can isn’t what it used to be.   I also know there are many people with this disorder who would love to do what I can do on my worst day. I also  know that I am lucky.   Once when I shared something about Hypoparathyroidism, someone commented to me to my face, “Don’t take this wrong, but everyone has something.”

I was too shocked to do anything but agree with her.   And I do agree with her.   I know that everyone has their own battles.   I will be the first to admit that.   I also know that even the battle that I face could be so much worse.  That being said, just because I share my battles does not mean that I think someone else’s battles are less important.   As the Care Bears used to say, “sharing is caring.”   We all have our stuff and it is good to be able to openly share our battles because it does make the load a little lighter and easier to carry.

These are things that went through my mind on my training run yesterday.   It was the longest run I have done this training cycle.  I notice that it takes my body now a good 3 miles before it gets into the groove of running.   Then I was having some doubts about my running.   Comparing it to the last time that I was training for NY which is crazy because not only was that pre hypoparthyroidism, but I had an amazing running coach who had me hopping.   I never compare myself to other runners, but I do compare myself to where I was which is something that I must stop doing.   I will say that I think I’m in a better place now than when I was training for Chicago.   I do think actually training with the walk/run and following it this time will make for a better race.

Yesterday’s run was good and bad.   That is why we train.   I could start to recognize a pattern.   Start to tweak it.  I also slowed down to wear realistically I should be for my long runs right now.   8 miles with an average pace was 12:23.   I never went into the red zone for my heart rate and kept my heart rate in zone 4 according to my Garmin.   I have recently been trying to pay closer attention to my heart rate as apposed to pace.  I’m also trying to figure out paces for running and walking.   It’s a work in progress, but I am getting it done.  Sticking to the loose plan that I am following.  As the training runs get longer and I approach the NYCM, I want to be able to project approximate target times for distance.   More so that I don’t go out too fast like I did last time.   I don’t anticipate running the paces  I did last time.  If I go out too fast I might not bounce back as I did last time.

 

2016 NYCM

You can clearly see the wall at mile 20.

No Joke.

I think running for Sandy Hook Promise does take the pressure off some and add its elsewhere.   It takes it off because I know that I am not running this for me.  I was serious when I said that I wasn’t planning on any marathons this year.   I am training to be able to run this race as a proud member of the Sandy Hook Promise Team.   Like anyone on a team, your know that it’s not about you.  I don’t want to waste this opportunity given to me.    As I often post with my training runs #26for26.  I am so blessed to be given this opportunity to run for something that I believe in and don’t want to squander this opportunity.

 

Sandy Hook Promise Fundraiser

 

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Giving it all I’ve Got

I’ve started training for NYC Marathon.   I had been thinking that I was pretraining, but then I actually looked and yup, I’m training.    I am following the Jeff Galloway “To Finish”  Program and it’s actually a 26 week program.   In looking at the calendar if I do my math correctly, I believe that puts me at week 3 of training.  Oops, time to play catch up:)

Training for a marathon is a long process, yet at the same time it goes quickly.

I’m going to be very upfront in how things are going and I’m sure it won’t all be rainbows and sunshine.   That being said, I am so lucky to be given this opportunity and remind myself that I am not doing this for me, but for Sandy Hook Promise.

Anyhoo…. Even with the “To Finish” program, I know that I will be giving it all I’ve got.

Giving it all i got

I went out for a run.   I was just shy of 5 miles at 4.7, but it happens.   I used the ratio of 3 minutes run to 45 seconds walk.    It seemed like a good ratio, but I’m still feeling it out.   I will say that I liked it.   I tried to keep my run part around 11 and walk not at a Sunday stroll nor a power walk, but somewhere in between.   It seemed to be a good balance as my overall pace was 11:17.

As I was running though, I was trying to connect my body to where my mind is which is harder than you think.   In my mind, I still am so much faster.   My body disagrees.  Besides that  I also have to reconcile that with the run/walk method there will be times that I’m out for my run where I’m going to be walking and people will see.    That’s a mental thing, but one that I will deal with too.

Here is the thing…..   I can only do what I can do.   Yes, running is very much a mental sport, but in the end you can only do what your body will allow.    I’ve also got to use this training time to know when to add more calcium and magnesium.    When I was training for Chicago, I had a doctor who kept my calcium levels  in the mid normal range which may have made things better for running, but overall was not good for my health as it left too much calcium in urine (not good for kidneys).    So I’ve learned more this last year and I’ve also got my specialist that is keeping my calcium at just below normal.    That is good overall, but I do need to adjust more now on running days.   It will also be a training exercise to know how much is enough and how much is too much.

Yesterday was not enough.   It didn’t help that the night before I fell asleep and forgot to take my calcium and magnesium.   I also should have added more calez during run and realized that a Epsom salt bath afterwards might not have been as indulgent as I thought it would have been.

This is what happens when your don’t hit the right balance.   Your muscles dance which isn’t as fun as it sounds….

It’s a work in progress, but whose life isn’t.

We live.   We learn.   We move forward.