Tag Archive | Marathon runner

A State of Mind

I can be both a seasoned marathon runner and a runner just beginning. Who knew that being a runner was also a state of mind? Pretty much every runner will tell you that it is both physical and mental. Even as someone who couldn’t run a 5K right now, I still consider myself a runner. My car carries magnets proudly displaying 26.2, 50K, and Moms Run this town. To anyone who sees these, they might think that I run miles every day. There was a time that was true. I earned them and so they remain.

For now though, I am not running any marathons but I am still a marathon runner. No matter if I were to never complete another marathon, nothing can take away the finish lines that I have crossed. So yes, yes, I am a marathon runner who happens to not be training for a marathon.

I don’t want to say that I am starting over again. I think I need to start looking at my running as the ups and downs that we all have in life. There are times when we are up and there are times when we are down. It is the ying and yang of life. So as a runner, there are times when I run and there are times when I will not be running. The not running chapter is coming to an end.

I have been running with the C25K program now for going on 3 weeks. This is where I need to be just like I needed to give myself a break from running. Now my body and my mind have reset and am once again looking forward to running again. If you don’t look forward to doing something, you shouldn’t do it. Now I don’t mean work or all the responsible things that we as adults must do, but running had been my release. When it started to be another chore it was time for a reset.

I enjoyed spending my spring and summer walking. I enjoyed not feeling like I should be doing something else. I had no desire to do more.

I do now. How much more is up for debate and will change over time.

So with that, I am lacing up again. There are no races on the horizon to train for and who knows what 2021 will bring race wise either but that isn’t what I am even thinking of right now. What I do know is that it is not about feeling like I need to run, but a feeling of I want to run. Rebuilding is allowing me to do exactly that…. Rebuild. I must be serious about it as I bought new sneakers and new Oofas too.

So with that, I will continue on this running journey that I have been all these years. You know it is time when you actually look forward to the thought of running. Not for racing. Not for pace. Not for distance. Just to run again.

Life is about listening to your inner voice. To respecting what you need and when you need it. And as will all things, what we need will change. What we want will also change. That doesn’t make us a failure. that makes us human.

Rest, Recover, Repeat?

When running a marathon, so many random thoughts will pop into your mind. Some are fleeting. Some stick with you for a few miles. One that usually pops into my head is “I’m NEVER doing this again.”

Exhibits A, B, C

2014 – First marathon, Philly – This was supposed to be a one and done. I swore I just wanted to cross one marathon finish line and then I could call it a day.

2015 Marine Corps – I put in for lottery and as a fluke got in. I literally was dropping some F bombs to my sister who ran on the course with me at the end. I told her how stupid marathons were. How ridiculous it was that people wasted their time coming to watch runners (mind you she flew in from California). Lastly, I swore NEVER again (after NY because I’d already done the 9+1 for it)

2016 -NYCM – This was it. My first NYCM and was going to be my only. I mean how can you not run NY if your as close to the city as me. I even put off my surgery for my thyroid, so that I could run it. This was only marathon that I hit the wall because I ran the first half like there was not a second half. I was done and had my NYCM medal so what more did I need. NO more!

2017 – I put in for the Chicago marathon while still recovering from getting my thyroid out and dealing with learning to live Hypopara. This was flipping my finger to all that I was dealing with and I just needed to run one as a hypopara to show I could do it. It was not a pretty race as it was hot, but it is my fastest post surgery marathon. I was done. I proved my point. NO more.

2018 – I felt like there were signs that I should sign up to run NYCM as charity runner for Sandy Hook Promise. The signs were everywhere, but if I didn’t get picked at least I tried. Well, damn, they released that I really believe in their cause and picked me. So, yes, I was running with a purpose and I would do what I could to support Sandy Hook Promise; but I was only doing it one time. Until I did it again.

2019 NYCM Sandy Hook Promise Runner

During my run, I thought about that maybe my body just isn’t cut out to be a marathon runner. Maybe I should just stick to running shorter distances. That running 26.2 is just not for me. I could still support my team from the sidelines. I could still spread the message of Sandy Hook Promise. I just needed to give my body a rest because running marathons weren’t for me and I should focus my energy elsewhere.

Then I crossed the finish line.

I still felt that way. I still wondered if maybe this is too much for my body. Wondering if I needed to spend time on recovery. Getting my feet under control. Dealing with the aches and pains. Knowing that maybe worrying about my calcium crashing while running is just not worth it.

Then I went home. I read all the messages from my Facebook live videos, my running group, my friends and the chats with team members. And while I do need to spend time on healing my body – dealing with the tight calves, dealing with the feet, dealing with the pain that still lingers on the side of my calf and knowing that if I really want to run stronger/better/easier on feet that I also need to loose 20 pounds. Like seriously 20 pounds.

Then I thought….. It’s getting to the holiday season. There is no way that is going to happen. Then I realized that training would not start until Spring. Then I thought about how much I love being part of the Sandy Hook Promise Team, how some friends will be running NY next year, and that it might motivate me to keep going.

Then I thought…… Your crazy……

Not wrong.

Not right.

Then I thought about all the work in raising the minimum of $3,0000 to be part of their team. Then I thought of what I could do differently next year. The beauty is that I don’t need to make any decisions now or in the near future. For now my focus is recovery.

So I will continue to roll. I need to get to acupuncture. I need to do the things that I know I should do because chances are pretty good…….. that if you give the girl a medal, she’s going to want another one. Besides I’m pretty much on a roll now.