Race Day Recap

Mar21

The beauty of living close to NYC is being able to do NYRR races. The downside of living close to NYC is how early you must get up to go in for a NYC race. Logistics are not horrible, but it still adds time to your day. To be honest, I always plan more about getting in than getting out. It really is because I know that I can get on a train and get home even if I’m not that familiar with the trains.

So up at 4 AM and meet up for the van that was taking several of us in at 5. Seems too early which it is especially when you are starting in last wave. That being said, some of the women in the van are speedy and do need to be there early. Plus the roads around the race will close. So up and out early.

When I signed up for this race, I did think that one of my running friends would with me. I knew early on in my training though that would not be the case. I’m used to be a solitary runner, so it was not a deal braker fro me. I was running this race for me anyway:)

I prepped all my things the night before and thought that I was all good to go. Right up until I got there and realized that I forgot my headphones. The way I looked at it thought if you were going to gorget something on race day, this really is the best thing to forget. Especially at a NYC race. There is always so much to see.

The weather was perfect for race day. Chilly in the morning, but running temps were perfect. I always run hot anyway. So I planned to wear shorts with long compression socks, a short sleeve shirt and running sleeves. It all worked out. Throwaway jacke and blanket till the start. Checked bag for the finish. All Good.

As I said in previous post, I did not train for pace, but did have my plan for race day. I knew not to get caught up in the excitement in the beginning and just make sure to stay true to my training. I wanted to stay in the high 12/low 13 pace. I ran most, but walked when I felt I needed to or on a hill. Most of all is I enjoyed the day. I took in the crowds. I enjoyed the sites. I took pleasure in being able to do what I was doing.

Around mile 9 on one of the bridges a woman ran by me. She thanked me for running for Sandy Hook Promise. She then said she used to live in Newton and again appreciated me running for them. It was a boost that I needed. I got several of these through out the day. From seeing another Sandy Hook Promise runner as I was getting ready to start the race to something as simple as seeing a sign with an S (Sandy Hook Promise) on it when I was getting tired. Then on another occasion seeing an N (Newton) . Yes, you see signs when you are looking. I was looking.

At mile 10, my Sandy Hook Promise cheer zone was there and they always bring a smile to my face. At mile 12 my friend whose daughter was running was there with her daughter who finished much earlier than me (started wave 2 and ran sub 2). So I kept running.

As I was walking another runner came up to me and asked if she could finish the race with me. She hit the wall. So we walked, we ran, we chatted and most of all we got each other to the finish line. It was a picture perfect ending to a great day!

Although with a big event it’s never really over as it takes miles of walking to get out of park and home. All worth it..

Bringing My A Game

Mar19

When I worked with a running coach a few years ago, she always had me come up with 3 goals prior to an event.

A Goal – A goal within reach, but one that you need to work for

B Goal – A doable goal

C Goal – What is the minimum that you will be happy with.

So for the NYC Half, I kept these goals to myself. I knew going into my training that I really would like to run the half in under 3 hours. While training, I did not train for this goal so much as realize that this was within reach if I pushed just enough. I mostly trained by feel and heart rate. I made sure to do my training runs at a push and my long runs slower than I felt I could push. I always wanted to finish a training run like I could do more if needed. I usually did too.

One thing that I was very conscious of during my training is that I did not want to add extra calcium. What I tried to do was to time my daily calcium in a way to incorporate into my runs.

It has taken me some time since my surgery to get to this point, but I finally finally finally came to the mindset of………. I want to run, but I need to run smart. All the time. I can not push the pace to the point where I need to add more calcium. While it temporarily will feel right, long term it is not for me.

Since my surgery, I have been fighting high urine calcium levels. At it’s highest it was 578. (For those not Hypopara and unfamiliar anything over 250 is high. For Hypopara, your doctors try to keep it in around 300)……. Now it was at the highest, when I was taking .5 calcitriol twice a day with calcium through out the day. I also took extra calcium to run runs the way that pushed my body. My levels have come down, but even with being careful they are steadily going back up. I am currently at levels over 350.

So what does this mean…… basically these higher levels are hard on my kidney’s. I am lucky that currently I have had no kidney issues; BUT I say this as my kidney functions have moderate loss of function. Not enough that I would notice, but until a PTH (Parathyroid Hormone that regulates calcium & phosphate in body) I will need to continue to take medication to regulate. These help me function like a normal person but also are hard on the kidneys. I am not willing to push my kidneys to the limit to run a pace that matters to no one.

Seriously, who cares about my pace?

For a while after my surgery, I did. I wanted to maintain where I was prior to surgery. I wanted to pretend that the surgery and Hypopara didn’t change me, but the truth of the matter it did. It was also about pride. I wanted to run the paces that I could. No lie, I did enjoy pushing myself. Running a Sub 2 half (prior to surgery). Running 9 minute paces. Being a front of the middle runner.

Guess what?

I am no longer a mid pack runner. I am a back of the pack runner. I am starting in the last wave and in some cases the last corral.

Here is what I’ve come to realize though……

I am starting. I am running…… I am still me. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride. Put it aside and know that it only matters to you. When I was able to put pride aside, I was able to train where I am and not where I wanted to be. I was able to train smart. To listen to my body. To run smarter and not harder. By doing that, I was able to actually do what I wanted to do.

I put pride aside. I made a realistic goal. If I hadn’t made it, I would have been ok. But the fact that I made it shows that I am doing what I need to do. Most of all, I did it by working smarter and not harder.

So what does this mean….

This means more running in my future. I even signed up for a fall race. One that I did previously. The Hat Trick. A 5k & 10K on a Saturday followed by a half on Sunday.

Crazy?

Yes.

Exciting?

You bet…. Can’t wait.

Stay tuned because believe it or not, there is more to talk about regarding the NYC Half. Although this is enough for today.

Fear of Failure

Mar18

Fear of failure is motivating.

Fear of failure is debilitating.

Fear of failure can push us to hard or not hard enough.

It can make us stand still or push us forward.

The question though is who defines your failures?

Is trying and not succeeding failure or is not trying at all the failure?

It can also make you spread yourself too thin as I mentioned the other day.

But what if fear of failure has more to do more with fear of not. Being perfect.

You know the whole getting in shape befor eyou start going to the gym.

Worrying that you won’t hit a specific pace. That you aren’t what you think you should be.

Fear of failure can keep you from updating your blog because what if you put it out there and you swing and miss.

So yesterday I ran the NYC United Half Marathon. I went inot it fairly trained. I followed my training plan. I didn’t follow it by pace, but by heart rate, feel and distance. I put the miles in. I did what I needed to do to feel like I could “comfortable” run the distance.

I had a thought of what I wanted to run. My A goal was it be under 3 hours. Based on my paces from training, I felt that if I ran a smart race that it was an achievable goal. My B goal was 3:30. If the wheels fell off, just finishing.

I did it…….

I brought my A game.

There is more to this story which I will tell tomorrow.

For now though, I am happy to know that I didn’t let fear stop me from doing what I set out to do. I did it smartly. I did it with hard work. Most of all, I did it with a smile.

A Slow Ember

Feb18

I used to feel that I must give 100% to everything. Maybe even 110%. Just give it everything. Give it my all. The Go Big or Go Home mentality.

But what if I just want to go home? Ok not anymore, but that’s what happened. You can’t just give everything in your life 100%, because eventually you have nothing left to give.

I love to bake and have a home baking business…

I began a new career path becoming a preschool teacher in September working full time…

I like to run…

I have a family…

I have a life….

All of these things are important. All of these things pull at me. All of these things in the moment require 100%, but they can not consume me.

The problem was that was trying to do it all like the other things didn’t exist. Life does not take place in a vacuum. I never gave myself a break. I went from on thing to the next. I felt like I was failing at all of it because you can’t give it all 100% and have anything left for yourself. Maybe some of you can, but I can’t. Add to that my Hypoparathyroidism and my tank is usually not full anyway.

Balance. I’ve said it before. I will say it again.

Period.

Period.

Knowing when to say no. Knowing when you are at your limit. Knowing that it is Ok to enjoy things just for the sake of enjoying them. Knowing you get clarity when you step back and say…

ENOUGH

I love (not always and I do complain) to run, but that always went to bottom of list. This meant that I was at the bottom of the list. Running gives me time to both turn my brain off and give me time to think. If you are a runner, you get that. Yet, that always went to the bottom.

I also realized that while all the things I do are important, so are limits. Limits on the amount of time and energy I put into them. No matter how you slice is there are only 24 hours in a day. So learning to say no is ok. Learning to know when your plate is filled and also learning to plan things out o not to be overwhelming.

I am still working on this but one thing I need to remember is that if I should not be the last on the list. I don’t need to take every baking order that comes my way if it will not fit in my schedule. While my job is extremely important, I do need to give myself a break when I leave. I need to make time to make sure that I can do the things that I want to do.

I’ve been running. I’ve been making time. I’ve run a few 5K’s. I’ve made time to run with friends. I’ve been training. Today’s training was 8 miles in the cold.

I loved it. Nothing clears my mind like a good run.

So here is to running, finding balance and taking a nap on a Sunday afternoon.

More to follow soon as with this new found desire to find balance and do things for me, I have a goal. I may even have several goals. Goals that will help me retain my balance:)

Control

Feb3

Sometimes your up.

Sometimes your down.

The trick is not to get stuck when your down. Easier said then done. 

Sometimes you get stuck through no fault of your own. Sometimes you can’t control what is happening.  Happening to those around you.  Happening to your body.  Happening in your life.

Get a health diagnosis…. Out of your control

Loose your job…… Out of your control

Things people do in your circle…… Out of your control

It is a fallacy to say that we control our own destiny.  Yes, I know there are those who would disagree. Yes, there are many things we control but the biggest thing is truly the way we react to all that life throws at you. The truth is sometimes we handle it well. Sometimes we don’t handle it at all and ignore and sometimes we just hold on and scream. Probably why life is often referred to as a roller coaster…. Or is that just me?

Anywho…. What does this have to do with my training?  Not sure, but I do feel that I’m in agood space controlling all that life has been sending my way.

Trying to find my balance with working full time while still working my home baking business and my household. 

Trying to find my balance with healthy eating and finding time for training without bringing myself to brink of exhaustion. 

So far so good. I have 6 weeks to the NYC Half. While I have not been following my training plan exactly, I have been following. I am getting the miles in.  I have been doing the cross training. I feel like this will be a good event. I have been going back and forth between following a walk/run plan to just going by feel. I know I will walk during the event. I just am still deciding if it will b part of the actual race day running plan or just a go with the flow thing. I have 6 weeks to figure it out. The most important thing is to get the miles in especially the long runs.

I am (so far) feeling confident in my training. Feeling like I am doing what I should be doing and that I will go into this event prepared to finish.

I am doing what is in my control and we will see how this all plays out:)

Day 1

Dec26

There is something to be said about waiting until you are ready to do something to actually start. There was no dread today. There was no, “I’ve go to go out for a run today,” said with dread.

None of it.

Today was a “I am going to go out for my run as soon as I’m done with my coffee” kind of day.

I can tell it has been a hot minute since I’ve seriously run as I couldn’t find my Garmin. Still can’t. Still looking, but I also didn’t let that deter me or stop me from getting out the door.

I was excited. It was a perfect day for running. The not too hot. Not too cold kind of day. No jacket required. At least for me as I always run hot.

My NYC Half training plan stated with a 3 mile run and that’s what I did. I didn’t watch pace, but did keep it as a conversational pace which I 100% did as I was on the phone the whole time! I walked when I got out of breath, but for the most part stayed at a stead pace.

Not too shabby if I do say so myself!

In all seriousness….. Not too shabby. I have not been doing anything unless you count testing and eating Christmas cookies. I’ve done a few walks, but have not run since I really don’t know when. Hopefully this is the beginning of a good training cycle.

I’ve got a plan loaded into Training Peaks. I am doing the Hal Higdon Novice 1, because let’s face it…..I am starting from scratch.

One day at a time…. One run at a time…. One workout at a time.

This is what it feels like to have fire again:)

This is what it is like to remember to show up for yourself.

Here is hoping the fire continue to burn!

Ready to Begin….. AGAIN!

Dec23

Time has passed.

I’ve rested.

Like really, really, really rested.

I had thought about it, but was not motivated. I could not force it. I could not fake it until I felt it. I just wasn’t there.

Not even a smidgen.

I couldn’t pretend. I couldn’t show up. It’s not even that I wasn’t motivated. It is that I just didn’t care. I didn’t miss running. I didn’t miss working out. I didn’t even have a spark.

I was tired. Like really, really tired. Now to be honest, I’m still tired. I’m still sore. I’ve still got a lot of things going on. Working full time, baking, and medical stuff. But there is a difference now.

I am actually ready to begin. I am not being forced into it. I want to do it. This is good now too because I got into the NYC Half Marathon. My training plan starts next week and here’s the thing……… I am excited to be starting. I am excited to try again.

I do also have a motivation. I had my physical earlier this month. Somethings expected. Things like being overweight. Cholesterol going up a little bit but not enough for medication which I am happy about. I don’t want to add anything else as the Hypopara is enough. Super High urine calcium levels as always (due to meds/calcium needed for the Hypopara) – Not unexpected, but concerning. Not much to do right now as I don’t qualify for the trial of the PTH therapy. The surprise was the pre-diabetes.

Whelp……….

That will be a wake up call.

Although this wasn’t what made me ready to start. This was the final motivation to do so. Timed perfectly with getting into the NYC Half.

So here is being ready to train. Missing the feeling of running and wanting to be better. What is nice is that I will be doing a recheck of my labs in March to see if a follow up is needed, but this is same time as the HM.

Here’s to doing better.

Here’s to feeling better.

And most of all….

Here is to actually wanting to Start again.

I’ve already taken the first step and started at a gym getting set up to work out.

I know it won’t be easy. I know my body will resist. I will be sore. I will be tired…… but here’s the thing

I can do hard things.

I am ready to do hard things.

I am ready….. really, really, ready.

Most of all, I want it this time.

It’s go time.

It’s Go Time

Aug14

This year, I set a “simple” goal of completing one event either virtual or in person a month. We are on month 8 and so far so good. Most events have been in person. This month I have yet to decide on weather I will do an in person event at end of the month or a virtual one, but it will get done.

I’ve done these events because that was my goal for the year. I said it, so you know I was going to follow through. This was my only goal for the year and at the time I set it, that was enough.

It is no longer enough. While I am not ready to say I am jumping in to training for a marathon, I’ve realized that I want to do more. ( I will add with the heat this summer, my crazy schedule, and again the heat; I am so happy not to be training for anything!). I am also not saying that I will be doing one next year, but I am at the point I am questioning/thinking about the day I will be ready.

So with that being said, I’m planning for 2024. Thinking….. Do I want to do a marathon? Do I want to do 9 plus 1 to get into NYC marathon for 2025? Do I want to only run Half Marathon’s as a goal. What to do? What to do? Fortunately I have time to decide, but I also want to put myself in a position to be able to make these choices.

So short term but very real and concrete goals that need to be met to put me on the path for future goals.

Goal # 1 –

I need to loose a minimum of 20 pounds.

Will it be easy? Hell no.

Do I like tracking my food? Not in the least.

Is making this a goal necessary? You bet.

I am the heaviest I’ve every been non pregnant. And while I don’t really care about my round belly, I also know that it is not good for me for multiple reasons. So it is time, I do something about it. Like everyone, I know it won’t be easy, my metabolism is a zero and with Hypopara it can be more challenging.

Here’s the thing……. I CAN DO HARD THINGS.

So game on. One week in and it seems to be working. I’m tracking which is getting me thinking about my choices.

If I want to get myself into a position where I have choices to run longer, I need to get my weight down as for me it will have an impact on running with my feet issues.

Goal # 2 –

RUN & Cross Train

While I don’t know what my last event this year will be, I want to run it and run it comfortably. Run a 5K as a 5K. Also this will put me into a position to decide what goals I want to set next year.

On top of tracking my food, I started challenging myself to close all of my rings on my apple watch. Not just calories burned, but also completing 20 minutes of exercise a day.

I also know that I ran my best when I did more than just running. So I need to as I work on my running, cross train. I literally have a full gym in my garage. So I need to use it! I have started a Fiton program to do that

Goal # 3

Start all of this where I am today not where I was and realize that I will get where I need to go. You don’t start driving in 4th gear, so I can’t start this program where I want to be.

Reality is what it is and when you don’t live in it that is when you will have issues.

Almost one week down and so far so good. Yeah, I know it’s only been a week; but you must celebrate your successes. One week at a time. Sometimes one day at a time.

Just Put on the Shoes

Jul23

Giving up is a choice.

Starting is a choice.

Waiting, ignoring and waiting some more to start is also a choice.

I feel like I am always waiting for the shoe to drop. Waiting. Wondering. When is it going to drop and what will happen when it does.

Here is the thing. What if I stop waiting for the shoe to drop and put them on and just run with it.

Easier said than done, but I’m trying.

What you do when no one is watching is more important than when you have an audience. (I know that is pretty funny being as I’m writing this for my blog, but there are only a handful of you who read. So I’m good:) )

Here is the thing…. Everyone is doing their own thing. Focused on their own goals, dreams, and trying to figure out their own path. No two paths are ever the same even if they are parallel. Everyone also has a reason for where they are on their path.

For me….. (I know broken record)……. I was in a good place right before my thyroid surgery and becoming Hypopara. I was running the fastest I’ve run (the whole sub 2 NYC Half). I was at a good weight. I was also running longest distances with not just a marathon but completing my one and so far only 50k. Things were good. Right up until they weren’t.

Isn’t that the same for everyone though. No one knows what will happen in their lives. No one can predict with certainty where they will be, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t still decide where they want to go. I forgot that……

I’ve given up on having control thinking that my weight, my running, my everything was out of my control due to Hypopara, age and metabolism. Treding water just thinking that was all I could do. Silently struggling and not even knowing I was taking on water?

Often you don’t realize how much you have been struggling until you get to the side and hold on, looking back and thinking about the struggle. We live in a society where strength is revered. Being a Bad Ass is a complement. We are told to power through and push through. Never being told that we need and should take a moment to breathe.

It is only when we exhale, can we see how much we needed the air.

So here I am on the exhale realizing that I’ve been waiting for change to happen…… Yes, I’ve met with nutritionists, I’ve gone through motions,, I’ve complained, I’ve lamented, I’ve waited and waited and waited…… I’m not sure what I was waiting for, but think I finally realized what I was waiting for……….

I was waiting for me.

I was waiting for me to be sick and tired of making excuses even if they are valid. I was waiting to get the fire back that I was trying to force myself to have. I was waiting to decide that I’m not just going through the motions, but that I want to do them. I was waiting to decide that I am ready to set goals and actually stick to them. I was waiting to exhale.

So here I am setting concrete goals, working toward them and realizing that I will be doing them because I actually want to and not because I feel like I need to. My first event was almost 10 years ago. I had fire. I had drive and I had will and it was all internal.

I am there again.

Stay tuned……

Coming Up For Air

Jul20

We all go through life like tomorrow is a given. Like we can, should, and will put off things for another day…. Another week… another month.

We will meet with friends as soon as our crazy, busy schedule allows.

We will wear the good dress, outfit, shoes on just the right occasion, but that occasion isn’t today.

I won’t blog today because what I want to say isn’t interesting enough

We will put off till tomorrow all of our hopes and our dreams.

We act like tomorrow is a promise not a gift.

It isn’t.

Maybe it’s human nature to feel that way because if we didn’t we would drown in our emotions and become incapacitated .

And there is truth in that. You have to believe in tomorrow to get through today. You have to know that tomorrow is another day to try again….. to dream again…. To begin again.

That being said, we must also realize that the beauty in life is not the chores we feel we must complete….. not how clean our house is (harsh truth – mine is a train wreck)……. Not all the million little things we fill our day with.

What is important is the connections we make. The people we share it with.

Often everyone puts off the really important things for things that our unimportant. You know the whole keeping up with the Joneses mentality. But unless your name is Jones, who really cares?

We live in a world where perfection is the norm.   Everyone wants a cookie cutter yard.   Wanting to conform to societies expectations……. but what if we just stopped?

What if we decided instead of being like everyone else that we would just be the best version of ourselves?   Flaws and all.   

And how about instead of looking at them as flaws, we look at them as just part of who we are?    

It is the whole let me get in shape,, so that I can start going to the gym. I need to start running, so I can start running with friends. Fear of failure or not being good enough is not an excuse because who says you aren’t good enough. Certianly no one in your tribe who cares for you would. They will also meet you at your pace:)

Here is the thing too…..

Haters are going to Hate.

Jerks are always going to be jerks.

Bitches are always going to bitch and have something to say.

People who will talk smack behind your back are not your tribe. Your tribe are the ones who come to offer you a hand when you fall down. (Then they will make a joke to your face about it). Most of all, you have to be your own tribe leader.

So choose your tribe wisely, but more importantly know that life is not a competition…… not with others. Not with yourself……

As they say……

So wear the dress, put on the shoes (especially the running shoes) and just enjoy:)