Tag Archive | goals

Behind the Curtain

I said that I wanted to go int the NY Half fully trained and I really feel that I accomplished this goal.   I went into this race knowing that I would make it to the finish line.   I went into this race confident and prepared.   That doesn’t always happen, so when it does it’s a beautiful thing.   So how did I do that?

First and most important I was a realist who put in the miles, but I did it my way.   I had a guide that I used more for the mileage and not the actual workouts.   I didn’t do any fartleks, cut-downs, or focus on pace really at all.   This race wasn’t about speed at all.   This day was about having a good race.

I admit that when you are at the starting line in a corral based on previous times which put me in the first wave, it was hard to hold back.  It’s hard not to feel like you should be running faster.   Part of the reason that it is hard is because of the excitement, but part of it is also because everyone else is moving and your moving with them.   At this point, it important to remember that each person is running their own race.  It is important to remember that it doesn’t matter if they pass you either.

During the race, I was thinking a funny thing…….

Most of us are just your average runner.    Most of us no matter how hard we train will never get to the front of the Pack.    It’s not for lack of pushing ourselves, but lets be honest training can only take you as far as it can take you.   If I had unlimited resources and hired a dietician, training coach, and followed their plan to a T that will still not make me as fast Shalane Flanagan.  That just is not who I am.

So on my run, I was reminding myself of who I am and what I want out of my running.    The biggest thing is I want to run.   I need to run.   It is good for me not just physically but mentally.    Then as I was trying to run a smart race, I did wonder why so many of us are so tied into the numbers of our run.   I know that I am, but I am trying to be better.   Based on my heart rate yesterday, I was in the training zone 5 out of 5 for the day.    My heart rate averaged 156 for the race and at one point (although this doesn’t seem right) it showed maximum of 198 which would also indicate when I overlay pace it shows that I started walking.

For me, I was pushing it.   That being said, I also did walk.    I have had races where I had a timed goal.   Some I reached.   Some I didn’t.    Overall, if you ask me what my times were at any given race there are only a few that I could tell you exactly (not counting seconds and I know we count seconds).   But if you asked me to tell you about some of my races, I could probably tell you who I went with and some of our adventures on it.   Those are the moments I cherish.   Those are the memories that mean the most.

 I’ve always said goals are good and I do believe that they are.   That being said, I’m to the point where my goals are changing.   I’m not as concerned with a PR, but in how I ran that day.   Did I push my limits?   Did I do my best?   Most of all did I have fun doing it?

I’ve been thinking a lot about that last question.    I know that it would take an act of God for me to ever PR again.   This is not to say that I am discounting it, but I’m trying to be more realistic.  Again…. not getting any younger.     My body is not the same.   My mindset is also not the same.

For me, it is no longer about the numbers.   For me it is about pushing my limits while at that same time being smart.   Now this is in no way saying that people shouldn’t be chasing time goals.   I would bet that if I hadn’t had my surgery that I would still be chasing time.   But as I said in my post Perspective, things changed for me.

My goal is to set myself up to be running not just a particular race but a year from now. Two years from now.   I want to be a cool grandma runner (which I have YEARS AND YEARS to go before getting there).

In order to make that happen, my goals will be my goals.   To run my own race, my own way.   It may not be the way everyone would want to run it and I may over time get to a point where I reassess these goals.   For now though, this is where I am which is a good place.


Crossing the finish line with a smile is my new goal:)

and being to get out of bed the next day is a bonus!

I’m Ready

I’ve been having a rough go of it lately. I’ve been stuck. Afraid to move forward.  Afraid of not being enough.  Afraid of things out of my control.  Afraid of failure, but who defines success and failure?

I’ve been stuck wandering in the fog for so long that I thought I would never see clearly again and even though I knew my vision was impaired I clung to it.   It is only after you come out of the fog that you can look at things with open eyes.   I’m ready now.   After one false start after another, I am truly ready now.   I can feel the difference.

I am looking at things clearer than I have in a while.   I do not have 20/20 yet, but really does anyone?    We all carry so much baggage that colors our world.   The trick is knowing what to hold onto and what to let go.   What really sucks is when you pack for summer only to find out that you are stuck in winter.    It is a work in progress, but I feel like I’m getting there in many aspects of my life.

As for my running….. I can finally say that I am coming to terms that things will be different.    Things will be harder.   My body will need more recovery time and be more sore than it had in the past.  I will wake up and my my body will ache.  Things will not feel the same.


Many things will remain the same.

I will still get peace of mind and clarity when running.

I will still feel the accomplishment of finishing a run.

I still will bond with friends while running.

I will still cross finish lines and most of all I will still run for me.

With this acceptance, I am finally able to let go of the ego that I spoke of.   I thought I was holding onto something, but really I was keeping myself from moving forward.   I am tired of standing still and am ready to move on from the past.    One of the reasons that I couldn’t commit to training was because somehow I felt less because I would pick a plan that the pre-hypopara me could have easily kept to, but the me of today can not.   Maybe there will be a day, but that day is not today.

I’ve been thinking of the NYC Half a lot.   NYRR always puts on great events, but these big events are spectacular.   The crowds.   The running on closed NYC streets.   It is an amazing feeling to run through Times Square like this race does.   As I said before, I want to enjoy it.   I want to be ready for it.    I want to embrace where I am today.   Not yesterday.   Not tomorrow.   Not next year.  Today.

So with this thought process, I picked a training plans for Training Peaks for a half marathon with a 2:30 finish time.   Now, I will be honest…. I am not sure that I can do a 2:30 finish.   It might be just a hair out of where I am, but it might not.   It is also much more realistic that 2:15.   Besides you will never know what you can do if you don’t push a little more than you think that you can do.  So I will push, but I will push wisely.

It is time to face this with open eyes, laced up shoes, and the knowledge that as long as I am doing the best that I can that there is no failure.   Failure is not trying.


It’s Time to Get Serious

Without goals it is hard to know which direction to take.   You wonder aimlessly without a purpose.    It is time that I stop wondering and start seriously thinking about where I want to go in 2018.   It is time to set some realistic goals.   It is time to start pushing myself again.   It is time to  get serious.

Yes, I’ve had a lot going on and I’m still working some things out.  Yes, things are different but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have hopes, dreams, and goals.  It is time to get out of my own way, step out of my comfort zone and start pushing myself again.   I won’t know how far I can go by sitting on the sidelines.

It’s time to get real…..

NYC Half Marathon March 18

Last time I ran it, I squeaked in just under 2 hours.   It was my goal and I pushed myself to do it.  Hard training.   Fast paces.  Lots of sweat. I even took a few selfies while doing it.


  This time around with the way things are this will not be my goal.   That doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have a goal.     I’m once again throwing down the gauntlet….. Ready…..

I want to go into this race fully trained.   Run it to the best of my current ability.   Not compare it to where I was in the past.   Push myself.  Finish it.  And most of all enjoy the experience.

This seems like a fantastic goal which means that I have to start training and actually train.   This is not a race not to enjoy.

I am not even going to entertain a timed goal right now.   What I am going to do is train.   Train. And Train some more.   I’ve recently been running but nothing more than I think 6 miles in the last month.    I’m going to figure out a training schedule and stick to it.

Simple enough, Right?

My head is finally clearing.   I know it wont’ be easy.   I know there will be days that I don’t want to do it.   I know there will be frustration, sore muscles, and everything in between but I want this.   I really, really want this.

So for today, I’m throwing it all out there.

I am a runner.   I can do hard things.   Life is not easy and anything worthwhile requires you to work for it.



Yes It’s Over!

As we near the end of 2017 I keep thinking to myself, “Good riddance.   I am so done with you.”   I know the year isn’t over, but I’ll be honest I’ve kind of given up on it.

We are days away from Christmas and I have no motivation to get out the door running or any such thing.   It’s almost like what is the point.    Besides there is much to be done in these next few days.

All that being said…

Here is to a better 2018 in so many ways.

I am planning for my mad return.   Mad because I will go into it kicking and screaming.   There is much to be done.   There are goals to be set.   There is better health and diets to be had.   I’m pretty sure the reason Santa is so fat is because he eats nothing but Christmas cookies and I have been channeling him a lot lately.

Things will be different though.

I have a few incentives.   One being the NY Half marathon in March.   The second one is the following month I need to go back to my Primary Doctor as she has given be a goal to get my good cholesterol back up and my weight down a few pounds.   Both of these are goals that I would like to meet.

I’m not sure the January will start off that great running as  January 21rst is the Fred Lewbow Half and I’m pretty sure that I’m not going to be ready for it.   Who knows what is going to happen, but I would still like to go.   Besides I’m going to start running very soon.   I need to start training for the NY Half!

As far as the other goal, I have been looking at different diets.    I’m not a huge “diet” fan, but who is?   I don’t want to do shakes, cleanses, or packaged foods.   I want a diet that is more a life style change of healthy eating that will also be beneficial to me.   I keep coming back to one that I found called the DASH diet.  It focuses on eating fruits, veggies, lean meats, low fat dairy and such.   I’m still in the research stage, but I think this might be the way to go.

As we know… I do best when following a plan and not just in running.  Years ago I lost a chunk of weight following the South Beach Diet, because I was following the plan.   I think at this point the DASH diet might be a healthier option for me too.   So we will see.

So here is to kicking 2017 to the curb!

Whose with me?   Bring on a better 2018!!!




The Numbers are Good

Those who know me or have been following my blog long enough know that I’m a numbers person.  Know I don’t mean numbers person like my accountant husband.   I just mean that I’m a numbers person when it comes to my running.

I like to see paces.   I like to keep track of distances.   I like to compare and contrast.   I just like my numbers.   This is why even when I’m not paying attention to the numbers on a run, I am always tracking it.   Just can’t do a naked (non garmin) run.   Not going to happen.

Now maybe the reason that I like the numbers so much is that since I’ve been serious about my running, I’ve been tracking.   Paces have gone down.   Distances have gone up.   It have been fun to see this happen and how far this non athletic person has come.   Anyway, yesterday I got an email from Strava on this years numbers.

Here is how I did so far.

542.3 miles

65,018 calories

10.4  miles averaged a week

Those are good numbers.  These numbers are nothing to sneeze at.  These are the numbers that I will try to improve upon for next year.   These numbers tell a story too if I compare to 2016.


1,094 miles (should have run 6 more miles)

121,219 calories

21 miles averaged a week.

So there are a few ways to look at these numbers.   You know that glass half full or half empty kind of thing.   I’m going with the half full and here is why.

This year, health wise, has kind of sucked but it could have been worse.   That being said coming to terms with being Hypopara is hard and the learning curve which I’m still on is hard too.   It’s getting better for a variety of reasons.   First is that I’ve finally got a doctor that I have confidence in how to treat this.   Secondly, they don’t classify it as permanent till after a year which I passed in November.   Up until then, I kept expecting them to tell me that it was all working properly and get back to the way it used to be.   Lastly I’m realize that the only thing stopping me is me.

So now I’ve got my numbers and I know what’s what.   So it’s time to start planning for 2018 and new goals and aspirations.


Let it Go, Let it Go

As Elsa said, It’s really time to Let it go….

I  never really let things go.

It’s time.

Ok.  It’s past time.

For example, I ordered these pace bands once I got into Chicago.


If you can’t tell, these are 4:15 and 4:30 pace bands.

Crazy now.   At one point, it was a goal.   Actually it wasn’t even a crazy goal.

In the back of my mind, this was while not a goal, it was possible.   I was secretly holding onto it.    I couldn’t let it go.   No matter how improbable or silly, I held onto it.    In the deep recesses of my brain, I admit now that this was always there.   I kept imagining a miracle in my training.  That something  would click and I would be right back there.   As much as that seed was in the back of  my mind, I realistically trained for where I am today.

I am at a 5 if not a 5 1/2 hour marathon.

I’m a firm believer in goals.   It’s what kept me running.

Some people have goals for speed, some distance, some just getting out the door.   My goal at this point is honestly just to finish.   Each goal is a worthy goal.   Each brings it’s own set of challenges.   That is the beauty of being a runner.   You are only competing with  yourself and your own limitations.   Some real and some imagined.

So with a goal of getting to the finish line, I need to run smart.    As I’ve said before, I’ve hit the wall before at a marathon.   It’s not pretty.  I, honestly, don’t know if I can push through it today.   I’ve got a lot going  on… The calcium issues, the stomach issue, the tendonitis, and oh yeah being 15 pounds heavier than last year.

I’ve sought out advice from those who have dealt with hypoparathyroidism longer than me.   One thing that stuck with me is this response…

“We live a very measured life. We don’t get the option to give it a 70% or an 80%. If we are to accomplish what we are aiming for, We have to give it a 100% . At all times.”

So with this advice, I know that I have no room for show boating.   I’ll save that for a later date with friends whose hands I will grab as we cross the finish line.

A 5 hour marathon is still a marathon.

A 5 1/5 hour marathon is still a marathon.

And I’ve got 6 1/2 hours to get to the finish line.   I will say that I’m hoping to get there before then, but I will get there and be happy about it if that is how it rolls that day.

All I know is that when I get to the finish line, I might hug the person giving me a medal.worth it



It’s All Her Fault



We all have days in our lives that are pivital.    Many times we don’t recognize it at the time how important these days are to our journey.    Today is one of those days.

Today is my “Fitness Anniversary.”

Yeah, I totally made that slogan up, but I like it and it’s true.

Just a few short years ago today in 2013 was the day that I received my very first medal.


This was supposed to be my one and done event.   My nod to that I  may have been getting older, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t do something unimaginable in my youth.

This blog was started as a way for friends and family to track my training and journey to this event.

Who knew at the time that all the talk of the “One and done” was in haste?

This event was September 8, 2013; but it started much earlier than that.  It was literally almost a year in the making and I actually owe it all to my friend Rose (I totally blame you:).    This was the year that I decided that I was going to start an exercise program.   Once I started, my friend roped my into signing up for the Sandy Hook Iron Girl.   She had very good points – we would train together, it would keep us motivated,  we could train with the local YMCA Tri group, and it would be fun.


I will be honest, I didn’t necessarily think it was all fun.   I may have complained about how much I hated running during the Couch to 5K program.    I may have thought that I would drown during the swim and I certainly didn’t like the way my butt felt  after riding the bike for so long.

Then something changed along the way.


Small changes at first which morphed into bigger changes.

Running became not something to dread, but something I looked forward to and actually went out of my way to do.

It became part me.

Now exactly a month from now on October 8th I will be standing at the starting line for the Chicago Marathon, my 5th marathon.   I have logged countless miles since the beginning, made countless friends, and learned much about myself.

I actually went and looked at my stats from MapMyRun today.   While not 100% accurate, this app I have used since I started running “seriously” in 2013.

Total miles:  2,855.85

Duration:  24.93 DAYS

Calories Burned: 341,174

I look at those totals and the first thing that comes to mind…….

Shouldn’t I be thinner?

Then I think….


Even though this last year, my totals are not that impressive, that means nothing.   I didn’t start this journey to have the best totals.   I started it for me and I continue it for me.

And that is all you can ask of yourself….

Do what makes you happy:)







The Ungettable Get

Sometime we want things in life that we just can’t have.   Sometimes we want things in life that will never be.     Sometimes we are so busy looking backwards that we stop moving foward.


It is so easy to get bogged down in the would have, should haves, and could haves in life.

If only…..

Sometimes it is easier to stay in the mud because the thought of moving forward is scary.   I’ve said before that change while not always good is always inevitable.    Just because you know something is true doesn’t mean that you don’t stomp your feet, cross your arms, and scowl at the new normal.

Last week I ran a local 5K right here in my town.   I ran it last year and it was a fun race made even better by so many local faces both in the crowd and in the pack.   Plus it is a charity race with the proceeds going to good causes.   Last year I ran this race just to run it and run fast.    I pushed myself to a 26.26 finish.

This year, I knew I was not anywhere in shape to run like that but I still wanted to push myself.   I wanted one fast mile.    It was a hot night like last year, but I still went out with all I had.    I pushed my first mile to a 9:16 pace, but that was it I was out of gas after that.   In my mind, I knew it would be true, but in my heart I needed to see.    Mile two was an 11:44 pace and mile three I was able to pull in an 11:16 pace (thanks Jen!).    Finish time 33:49.

Here’s the thing.     I know my finish time wasn’t bad.  I know that I’m lucky to be running.    I know that I’ve got to build up again.    All that being said…..


At the beginning of the race, I told my one friend that I was going to go out fast but that she would be passing me on the course.   She might of thought I was joking but I was dead serious and dead on.   She passed me around mile 2 by which point I was doing walk/run.   I ran with her and one of her friends.    I may have complained a bit.    One thing that I said that was so true is that “I’m not where I was, but I’m where I should be.”   I hate that it’s true, but I know it is.

Will I get to where I once was in my running?

Who knows.   Maybe

Does it matter if I’m never as fast of a middle of the Packer as I was before?

Not to anyone else and I need to let go of expectations.

Is it time to readjust my running goals?

You bet.

Who knows what will happen?

Not me.

  Maybe it is time to give my body  to adjust to this new normal.   Maybe it’s time to get back into running shape.   Maybe it’s past time to let go of expectations.

With that, I’m once again re-evaluating.   The wheels are turning.    I’ve been training for Chicago.   I’ve been getting runs in (for the most part).   I’ve also been walking as needed.    I’ve actually been toying with a run/walk marathon training.    You know what?   My average running time for my runs has been good.

Work  in progress.

As always…. Pushing forward.   Not giving up and doing what I need to do.

One day at a time.

One run at a time.




Great Expectations

A friend reached out to me after my last post which if you read this one, I really appreciated (so thanks).   She felt the need to send a hug my way.    In talking to her about doing Chicago this year, I said that even if I’m the last person to finish Chicago that I want to do it.   Her reply was accurate in that even if I “don’t do it (this year) it doesn’t make you any less of a runner.”

She’s right.

The problem is that I want it.   I think I need Chicago more mentally than anything else.   It is my way of literally giving the middle finger to this stupid thing call hypoparathyroidism.    I know very mature.

Although in chatting with my friend, others with the my issue, and giving some thought; I know it’s time (at least for now) to reevaluate my running expectations.    One of my goals as a runner has always been to run a full marathon without walking.   Even perfectly healthy, I was never able to accomplish.     I’ve also had a goal of running a 4:30 (and in the back of my mind faster) marathon.    But it is time to reevaluate my goals.   It’s time to be realistic of where I am today.   Right now.   Down the road, I might be able to get back to these goals but I need to make goals based on reality.

There are moments when I wonder why do I feel the need to push myself to do this.   Then there are moments when I wonder why wouldn’t I push myself to do this.   These thoughts are the same thoughts that I had previously.    These are thoughts that I think anyone who pushes themselves beyond their comfort zone gets.   And you know what I have said more than once…..


Some people think that being a bad-ass runner means running 100 miles, running a marathon, running a half marathon, or running fast.   These are all great feats and a challenge to anyone who pursues them.

Here is the thing though…… Anyone can be a bad-ass.   It is about pushing your limits.   Pushing yourself to do what was once impossible for you and making it possible.

Everyone has to start from where they are and I must remember that I am not where I used to be and that is ok.  That doesn’t mean I will always be where I am today either.   There are people who have this disease and have completed Iron Man events.    I am also not the only one training Chicago with it either.    I am just new at it.   It will take time to learn what my body needs.

Nothing is impossible.

Someone in my online group posted the following

” Pushing your endurance is hard. However its painfully destructive with hypocalcemia BUT you feel so much better emotionally, physically, and cognitively. So you can do it. Just move, with hydration and proper nutrition! You are stronger than this!”

A friend gave me the best advice today.

She said very simply,

“Be Kind to yourself.”

She is so right because often we are kinder to others than ourselves.    I am going to take her advice into my training.     Not to the point that I won’t push myself, but to recognize where I am is ok.  To recognize that I need to think more about hydration, nutrition, and recovery than I did before.    To know that no matter what it is enough as long as I am doing the best that I can do.

We really can’t ask any more of ourselves.

So be kind to yourself to.   Know that you are enough.   Know that it is ok not to win as long as you showed up.






Where Do We Go From Here?


Looking back to look ahead.   I’m ready for that now:)

2016 was a big year with lots of big event, small events, and lots of miles!   I had some lofty goals for 2016.   I had some attainable goals.   I had some reach goals too.   Overall, I think that I did good and I have a lot to be proud of, but how did I do with those goals that I threw down the gauntlet for?

2016 Goals

1.  My first big event of the year will be the New York City Half Marathon.   I’m going to throw the gauntlet down and say that I would like to do this race as a sub 2:00 event.   I don’t care if it is 1:59:59, I really want this.   I hear amazing things about this course.   I know NY crowds are awesome.   So this is the place I want to do it at.

Well I wasn’t kidding.   I came in at 1:58:59.   I had literally a minute to spare!!!   This was a great race and not just because I met my goal.   Running through NY Streets is an amazing experience.   I think I was able to make my goal not just because of my trianing but due to NY.   The crowds are amazing.   The feeling of running through Times Square and all the other iconic roadways makes for a great experience.   I would love one day to do this race again at a slower pace just to enjoy it at a slower pace.


2.  Then I plan to build my endurance up and slow down to train for the Dirty German 50K which I already signed up to do in March.   I have no time goal for this, other than I want to finish it.   I want to have fun with it and I don’t want to die doing it.   Seems like a good goal to me:)

Going into Dirty German if you remember or are new to my blog, I had spotty training due to spraining my ankle on a night run.   I was able to keep up with my cardio with swimming and stationery bike, but it wasn’t the same.   That being said, I still felt ready for this event (not race because I wasn’t racing it!).   I did it.   7  hours, 7 minutes, and 18 seconds.   Not a bad day at all.   It was such an accomplishment and I really was so happy to cross that finish line!    I think this is another event that I wouldn’t mind getting another crack at as I would like to go in with more confidence than the spotty training gave me.   Who knows in a few years, when a friend and I both have our kids secured in colleges it might happen.   (hint, hint)


3. Last year I didn’t run a lot of 5K’s.    This year since I’m not chasing the 9 plus 1, I would like to do more.   Since I’m already chasing a sub 2 half, I would like to see if I could chase that 25 minute 5K.   We will see.   We will see.

This is one that I didn’t hit the mark on, but I certainly gave it all I had to try.   I ran my fastest 5K to date at 26:26.   This was a 5K that I didn’t put a lot of thought into and that I almost didn’t run.   It was a spur of the moment decision.   It was hot if I remember correctly, but I ran like I was on fire.    I’m not sure if I’m topped out at this 5K speed, but I still dream of a 25 minute 5K.   Maybe one day.

4. Then lastly, I want to run the NYCM STRONG.   I want to finish this race knowing that I gave it all I got and couldn’t do anymore.    Ideally, I would like to do this in 4:30 WITHOUT walking.   I don’t know why the walking bothers me, but it does since it is not part of my plan.

I may not have run the NYCM I dreamed of, but I can sit here and say that I did run it strong.   I walked.   I walked a decent amount which will happen when you run the first half like a half marathon without thinking of the last 13 miles..   But I still ran it strong in the sense that I kept pushing.   I didn’t give up.   I did what I needed to do to get to the finish line.   Can’t really argue that is not a strong race.   It might not have been a smart race, but I ran it strong:)


5. Lastly, I want to stay healthy.   I want to reach these goals without injury or pain outside of the normal pain that comes with running these distances.Oh and while doing all of this, run 1000 miles again for the year:)

Running wise, I did stay healthy.   I had the normal wear and tear that comes with pushing your body to the limits, but nothing requiring intervention and that new shoes couldn’t fix.    I did manage to squeak in and hit the 1,000 miles for the year coming in just at the 1,000 mark.   Nothing to sneeze at.


Looking back, I have much to be proud of.    Now it’s time to look forward.


Here are the numbers for the year…..

NYCM   11/06/16   4:56:04

Runner’s World Half Marathon    2:24:54

Runner’s World 10K    10/14/16     1:09:44

Runner’s World 5K     10/14/16          34:25

Sandy Hook Sprint Triathlon        9/11/16         1:59:00        *Run1 -21:48       1:13:50     19:12

*swim cancelled due to unsafe water conditions.   Added 3 mile run*

SP 5K                                                    6/23/16              26:26

NYRR Queens 10K                           6/18/16                59:14

Dirty German 50K                           05/15/16       07:07:18

St Barts 5K                                           4/9/16            27:20

NYC HM                                               3/20/16       1:58:59

Wathung Winter Tral 10K                 2/6/16       1:044:25

Watchung Winter Trail Marathon  1/19/16     6:30:08