As seems to be my MO, I ran another race I was not trained for this past weekend. This time when I say that I wasn’t trained, I mean I really wasn’t trained! Training was lagging, but I was on track somewhat especially as I had just come off NYC Half. I had put in some miles with the longest being 8. I was feeling good, but then I was sidelined by the cold everyone seemed to get after remerging from out masks. This was a cold that would not quit and then turned into a lovely sinus infection. So for the 3 weeks before the Shape Half Marathon I did nothing. Like seriously N O T H I N G. Unless you count blowing nose constantly and sleeping something which I don’t think counts.
I had thought about backing out, but not seriously. I knew that I would finish but I would have to just take it as it came. Although if I had remembered how hilly 2 loops of Central Park were and how Harlem Hill sucks so bad, I might have given it more thought. I had no plan. I had no pace. I just went with the flow. I was lucky to even show up. As a side not right before I left my home, I threw up. It was a combo of taking my antibiotic with coffee followed by brushing teeth. It didn’t set well.
The flow was wobbly. I ran the first 10 with the same woman that I ran the first half of the NYC Marathon. Since I didn’t have a plan and we are similiarly paced, I went with hers. She was run walking with a 5 to 1 ratio. It wasn’t pretty but it worked. the last 3 miles we went our own way which meant that she ran/walked and I pretty much walked. Central Park is a hard run when not trained…. ok any course is hard not trained, but the hills of central Park are no joke. My quads were not laughing but I was…..
This is what its about…. Not the pace…. Not the medal….. not even the finish….. the friendships:)
The day was filled with lots of fun, laughs, and a lovely brunch. I am so glad that I showed up. Sometimes that is all you have to do is show up. To know that what ever will be will be and just enjoy the process and the outcome. It is easier said that done. Will also say that I was surprised at the outcome because I finished in under 3 hours which I was not expecting. 2:55.
I am at the point in my training where I am admitting that I have now failed in my training. That my training has gone off the rails. That I am not where I should be in my marathon training. That family events (passing of MIL), injuries (dealing with feet), flooding (we weren’t so bad, but dealing with flooded basement is exhausting), and just life in general has pushed training to back burner. I will say though that at least the burner is still on, so I am continuing to move foward.
This really is the time in everyone’s training where it is time to re-access and take stock. For some, they can realistically turn it around to possibly make any goals and tweak their training. Others will look at this as a time to decide weather even running is an option as they know they will not be happy with doing their best. For someone like me…. I am just adjusting expectations and I am ok with that.
Here is what I’ve got going for me….. My experience and my attitude.
Here is what is working against me….. My feet and not being where I should be in training.
So how to reconcile the two?
For me, it is and always been about expectations. Yes, I thought going into my training that I would be in a different place. My training started off great. I was following the plan. I was doing well. I was right on track, but we must remember that sometimes the tracks twist and turn. You have to be willing to twist and turn with them. So I am adjusting expectations which I am ok with. I was never going to win the NYCM. I was more than likely never going to finish under 5 hours which honestly in beginning I thought maybe just maybe would be doable. I used to be a upper middle pack runner, but those days are long gone.
I am a middle aged woman who is overweight with medical issues who also has feet that are not always happy.
For me…… Crossing a finish line of the NYC Marathon is a victory.
Now I do know for others, that not crossing in a certain time is a failure but failure is defined by how you define it in this situation.
I know my strengths. I have legs that dont give up and I do have the muscles and muscle memories to prove it. I also have the desire to get to the finish line. I also have the experience of completing 7 marathon’s (8 if you count a virtual one that I walked last year). 3 of these marathons are NY. I also have the knowledge that knowing my favorite marathon was my last in person NY which was also my slowest at 6:20:41 as I just took it all in. I ran some. I walked much, but I just enjoyed the experience. It is also the marathon that I remember the most about as I took in the crowds, the sites, and the people on the course.
I also know that I just really don’t care that much about my times anymore. OMG!!! Am I allowed to say that out loud? Yes, yes I am. Now don’t get me wrong….. everyone runs for their own reasons. There is nothing wrong with being someone who is running for time. I used to and I may again but I doubt it. I just want to run, walk and everything in between and feel good about it both physically and mentally.
Here is the thing…. I have a life outside of running. A life that I need to be on my feet for that life. For work – I am a preschool teacher which does not allow for much sitting. I love to bake which requires standing in kitchen. I have soccer games to attend and just life in general. So I can not push my body, my feet, to the point that it effects my life outside of running.
So here I go adjusting expectations …… AGAIN….. But isn’t that what life is about?
Just like when running in a crowded race, you must learn to bob and weave. So with that I am bobbing and weaving yet again.
100 days is so far away, yet so close. 100 days till NYCM. 100 days to worry if my training is not enough. 100 days to doubt if my body can handle it. 100 days to worry about what is going on with the new Delta Covid Variant and how this will all play out.
On top of that…..
100 days to fundraise. 100 days to spend as much time fundraising as I do training. 100 days to continue to remind people of the good work that Sandy Hook Promise does that only happens with fundraising. 100 days to remind people that while I do love running this race is more than about running. 100 days to hit my goal.
Is there anyone who doesn’t take on this challenge who doesn’t question why they are doing it, if they should be doing it, and how you can do it better.
Now don’t get me wrong. Training is going good. Although I have already had some foot pain which is concerning. This are things that lead to doubt. These are things that make me realize that I need to go see my podiatrist. More just to make sure that there are no issues and to see if it is time for new inserts for my shoes. I just don’t want to deal with foot pain all through out training and I did have that pain after running only 8 miles. So there is concern.
One thing that I hate to admit as I’ve had issues with my feet 20 pounds ago…… The extra weight is not helping when it comes to my foot health. It’s not so much the weight but the weight combined with being prone to having issues with my feet is not a good combo. Although this time the pain was different. It was on the outside of my foot, so I wonder if something else is going on. And while I know the easy solution is to say….. I’m going to loose 20 pounds. That is much easier said than done.
So the reality is that I’m not going to loose the 20 pounds. Unless I plan to go on a very strict diet (which I won’t), I need to figure out some things out.
Should this be my last marathon (thats a hard one)
Do I need to see my podiatrist (yes)
Is it time for new insoles? (Not sure)
Do I need to focus on foot strike and form (maybe)
I really need to not bury my head in the sand like I’ve done in the past and takle this head on. Although I do like to ignore things till they blow up in my face. (Doesn’t everyone or is that just me?)
It annoys me too because this go around I am doing everything that I should be doing. But for now, it is not something that is bad enough to cause me to stop. Besides I already have some ideas – like to spend some of my “foundation runs” with biking. To make sure to spend stretching and just listening to my body.
I used to want to be a badass. I used to want it. Train for it. I used to want to push myself to and past my limits. There were no limits. There was only not working hard enough. Not pushing hard enough.
To Train hard
To be at “the top of my game.”
Now……. Let me be clear……… There is NOTHING wrong with that mentality. I get it. I’ve been there. I might get there again. Who knows. I know though…… I am not nor have I been there in a long time. I’ve been swaying in the breeze…. Ever so gently just seeing where I might land.
To be honest, I am not sure where I am right now. I just know it is not the balls to the wall give it all you got place right now. I have no desire to train hard. Most days I might not even have any desire to train. There is no wake up at the crack of dawn to squeeze a run in. There is no going out at night to make sure to hit my miles.
There is just going with the flow. I know that there are many reasons for this change besides being hypopara which may have been the catalyst for change, but change is inevitable anyway. I just don’t have the same drive. I don’t have the same commitment. I don’t have my running crew as we all are in different places. We trained together. We ran together. We raced together. Most of all running was about more than running.
So as with life, things change. People move. Peoples schedules change. Goals change…..
What many runners know too is that without in person events, it just isn’t the same. I often think to when I was growing up our family Minister was a runner. Something he picked up in the service. He went out for runs just to run. This was well before running became mainstream. I thought I had that mindset, but I realize that while I do love running I can’t wait to be at a starting line again. That being said, I am also not in a rush because I want to also do it safely. The thought of a major event (if any are even coming) brings on a bit of a panic attack. Like a serious one…… Not the OMG, she’s having a panic attack meme. Anyone else???? This pandemic has changed many of us in what we once never gave a second thought to, we will think long and hard about before diving in.
I have signed up for a trail race in October. While I don’t have time to train on trails like I used to this race is a friends favorite. Plus they required a waiver of proof of vaccination. I liked that. I respect that and things like that will go a long way to getting us back to normal even if it is a new normal.
My NYCM Virtual Medal from last year. Without cheering crowds, physical start of finish line or any of the normal things a marathon bring back in October I completed 26.2 miles walking. Yes, walking… walking and more walking. It was long. It was peaceful. It was grueling leaving me with more blisters than I ever got running a marathon. Most of all it was satisfying knowing that I accomplished what I set my mind to. Although I am not sure I will ever intentionally walk a full marathon again, this medal will be a reminder to keep moving forward even when you dont feel like it.
I realized something now too. I have now completed 8 Marathons. 2016 I actually ran 2. NYC and a trail race. So this led me to realize that I have now completed 4 marathons post hypopara and 4 hypopara. So the next one will obviously mean that I will have completed more post hypopara. Yes, that does mean that I am thinking of doing a marathon this year. Hopefully it won’t be virtual, but who knows.
I have seem some events be held, but these do seem to be trails. I have also seen some events open registration for fall events. I honestly am not sure if I would feel comfortable doing a big or even smaller in person event even if I get vaccinated. I say if because even though I am eligible as a child care provider, there seems to be no appointments to be had. I have happily watched friends in the healthcare field post their “I’m vaccinated” photos but now I’ve heard of people jumping the line who have gotten vaccine that annoy me. People without health conditions that do not need to leave their home for work. I’m actually not sure why they were proud of themselves, but they thought nothing of jumping the line. I admit, I will judge them for doing so.
Anywho…… I am happy to see vaccines rolling out. My Mother and some family members eligible have gotten theirs as well. I watch numbers of vaccines administered and I know they are doing amazing numbers and my turn will come soon enough. I’m just anxious as is everyone else in the world. I know once vaccinated, you must still be cautious but I guess it would give a small sigh of relief. I can’t wait to know what that feeling that is and I know it’s just around the corner.
All that being said, I do think it is going to take a long time for things to return to normal. We certainly didn’t even think we would be approaching a year of this. Remember the innocent days of almost LAST YEAR when we entered a strict lockdown. We all thought that we would just be doing it a few weeks and we would flatten the curve. Silly us. Although it and we did make a difference. There was only so much that we could do. I mean much more was asked of previous generations. We were simply asked to wear a mask and stay home.
So as things open up and return to normal, we will all have different levels of comfort. We might even get some anxiety with things that used to be normal and enjoyable. I can’t imagine going to an event with 50,000 runners with 3 waves. It just would make me hyperventilate. Then thinking about random high fives, taking food from strangers, and all the fun things that happen along the way. It just seems like too much………. for now. We will get there again, but I do wonder how big events like this will be done this year. I believe by November, events like this will be able to happen. I just think there will be changes and maybe this first year it is not the huge even we all know and love. I guess we will wait and see.
I do know that I want to complete a marathon. I realize that I think it would be cool to be able to continue to say that I’ve run a marathon every year for 10 years. So that means I’ve got a few years to go. Some people streak a mile a day. That is too much for me and really don’t have that level of dedication. I like the thought for a marathon streak as I think it’s easier. (Ha! – truth).
Anywho, I have not thought for what I will do or where but it does ramble in the back of my mind as so many other thoughts do, Right now though, I am focused on continue with my Half Marathon training which is going well. This is my only goal. I also know that by completing this goal, I will be in the right position to start formulating and planning a fall marathon.
Hindsight is 2020 they say. Although after this year, we might need to come up with a new expression because no one wants to remember 2020 but I digress. It is always so much easier to second guess something after the fact. To pick it apart. To dissect. To play the could of, should of, would of game. Never helpful.
I will be honest as you know I always am…… As a runner, I always felt like walking was cheating. Now hear me out, I walked plenty. Currently, I am not even running but walking every day. What I really mean is that I wasn’t a good enough runner. There was not one of my 7 marathons that I did not walk during. Some I intentionally trained with walking in mind. That being said, somehow I felt like I wasn’t a real runner because runners don’t walk even if me as a runner did. Somehow it meant that I didn’t measure up, that I was less of a runner, that I should be better because while I could go the distance, I couldn’t go just running.
My goal besides a 4:30 marathon was to run a marathon where I ran the whole thing. Somehow that would make me more of a “real runner.” I probably would have made both those goals one day but you know the whole Hypoparathyroidism thing.
While I know rationally I know that I was/am a runner. I just always felt like I should have and could have been better. That I wasn’t living up to my potential. Here is the thing…. I probably wasn’t. There is something about the distance of a marathon that gets in your head. I trained and ran NYC Half a sub 2 hour with no problem. It was hard. I pushed myself. I crossed the finish line smiling. Add 13 miles and it is a whole different beast not just physically but mentally.
Each marathon my head was the biggest obstacle.
First Marathon, Philly 2014, was a fluke. I had been training for Runner’s World Hat Trick (5k & 10K one day, next day Half) and rolled into Philly on a whim after one 20 miler. I didn’t know what I was doing. It was hard. I didn’t overthink. I finished 4:46:20. If I had pushed, I could have been under 4:45
Next up was Marine Corps Marathon. This one I trained with a good coach. I was ready right up until I wasn’t. GI issues that I didn’t push through led me to my marathon PR of 4:38:14. This should have been my day, but mentally I didn’t want it enough to make it happen. I always thought I’d have another day.
Then a trail marathon which I rolled into but loved doing. Probably because there is no pressure or expectations that you are going to run the whole thing. Plus trail races are a whole different vibe and expectations are very different.
2016 was supposed to be my year. Although I had a bump in my training due to a sprained ankle, I still was mostly ready. I could definitely go the distance because I had finished a 50K that year right before marathon training, I ran my sub 2 half, and I ran my 5K PR of 26:26. I was ready to both go the distance and the pace. Right up until I wasn’t. I went out running strong the first half like there was no second half. Once I hit the wall, it was a struggle to keep going but I did. Finishing in 4:56.
After that my thyroid surgery and that called it a day for my 4:30 marathon time. My goals since has just been to go the distance, don’t crash my calcium and cross the finish line. Consistently, my races time wise have been going the opposite of every runners dream…..
2017 Chicago Marathon: 5:48:52
2018 NYC Marathon: 6:10:13
2019 NYC Marathon: 6:20:41
Some might see these as failures. I don’t. I see them as perseverance. The year after my surgery, when I was being treated by the wrong doctor I was actually able to run decent paces. Although it was much harder to keep up for longer distances. The issue was that I was taking too much calcium which while good for things like running, it was bad long term for things like kidneys. So, you know, trade off was not very smart. Although at the time I did not know that even if my doctor should have which is why he is no longer my doctor.
So here we are now, where I am living in the low calcium range but saving kidneys. In hindsight now I feel like I wasted my before hypopara runs and maybe I did, but there is nothing to be done now. I can only look to the future and learn from the past to plot my course. I’ve been thinking a lot about goals. Goals for now and long term since, you know, there is a lot of time to think right now. This post is already too long to get into. Plus I am still forming, plotting, and kind of waiting for the world to be safe again.
Right now, I feel that the best way I can be a runner is not to run. I am giving my body the break it needs. As I said before I have been walking a minimum of a mile a day since June 21, but usually more. Other day I walked 6.25 at a brisk pace around 16:10. Shorter distances I pick it up honing in on my speed walking. I am embracing walking. I am embracing learning to cut myself some slack and know I am enough just like I am. I am embracing what ever I do… walk, run, and anything in between is enough.
I realize that when it comes to my running, like most of us, I am harder on myself than anyone else. I also realize that while I may have medical issues, my biggest issue has always been my head. (shocking). That voice telling me I can’t do it with a self fulfilling prophesy so that I don’t. So with this step back, I am learning to trust my body. I am learning what inner voice to listen to and what voice to tell to shut up. I am learning to be ok with not pushing but also not going easy. Finding the middle ground I so often miss.
It is so easy to get discouraged when we do not reach goals we think we should reach. It is easy to make excuses for why things are the way they are. It is easy to pack it in and call it a day. What is not easy is sticking around when things don’t pan out the way you want. Learning to roll up the hill instead of down. To make lemonade out of lemons. To just be and be happy with that.
Sometimes when you look at the reality of why things are the way they are, you have to just let it go. You realize that you can’t change how they turned out. You not only have to accept it, but move on from it even if it means letting go. Letting go of guilt. Letting go of missed opportunities. Letting go of all that is and has held you back. In life sometimes you realize what you once thought an important is no longer important to you. Most of all learn from it. Sometimes we have to do it over and over and over again because we did not learn the lesson we needed to learn the first time
I tease my Mother that she is not a spring chicken anymore. Truth of the matter is at 73 that she has more strength, endurance and will to push herself than most people half her age. Some days even me.
She has fire.
My mother is inspiring for many reasons. I would bet that she has no idea how many people in how many different ways are inspired by her. By her love of family. By her faith. By the way she lives her life. By the way she sees the best in people. By the way she lives her life. Like many, here life has not always been easy and it’s not my story to tell but through it all she has never given up and kept moving forward.
That is how she got running.
Moving forward. Starting with one step at a time. Starting with walking. Then walking and running. Then setting small goals turning into bigger goals and sticking to it even when it didn’t work out. She is primed and ready for us to run her first 5K and she knows it won’t be any time soon now. So rather than put her shoes away, she made a new goal.
She decided she wanted to run 5 miles. Then she did.
Then she ran 7 miles by mistake the first time but has since done it again and again.
My mother calls me her coach although she doesn’t always listen. She sometimes does her own thing without telling me till it’s too late, but that is a different story. While that may be true, I am impressed with her stamina to keep pushing herself. I give her lots of advice…. Make sure she stretches. Make sure she rests. Make sure she pays attention to time on her feet and recovery. Lots of advice that she listens to 80% of the time.
Right now I am actually trying to reign her in because although she is doing great, I do worry that she is going to injure herself as she jumped her miles too quickly (not my advice) and her longer runs can be almost 2 hours.
I need to pay attention to the advice that I give her too. Although it is always so much easier to give advice than take it.
Anyway today on National Running Day, I wanted to celebrate a new member to the running tribe…. My Mom.
There is no test to take to be a runner. There is no pace required to be a runner. There is no distance required to be a runner. No races that need to be run. The only thing required is that you run and YES… she runs. So I herby decree that she is the Accidentally Running Grandma:)
I’ve been so many things and I will end up being so many more. Things ebb and flow. Up until a month ago, I seemed to be right on target for my Birthday Half Marathon right up until the world stopped. Since then, training has not been training but getting a run in here and there as allowed. Races right now are non existent. Although, I think I might still try to do the virtual run, but I don’t think I will run the full half. Probably just the 8K.
Since formal training has come off the table and I have been trying to not loose my mojo. Not just me but my whole household. You know when you have nowhere to go and nothing to do, you really have time to squeeze in a workout. We even cleaned out the garage. Bought some equipment, mats for the floor and are in process of turning our garage into a home workout space. It helps that many are sharing workouts online. One that I have found that I like is the Nike Training App. During the Stay at Home orders they are even allowing you to view workouts for free. Yeah.
I even went so far as to dust off a no equipment workout from my CrossFit days. Let me just say that while I did the workout, it was not pretty and it made me think. I realized that while I’m not sure that I would want to be doing CrossFit now that I was in the best shape of my life when I was doing it. The cross training was key. I further realized that I gave my all to running and allowed everything else fall to the wayside. Time was limited and I chose running over yoga, CrossFit, cross training, and everything else. It seemed like a necessary tradeoff but it wasn’t a smart one.
On top of that I realized that by letting everything else go, I was missing out. Now I realize that I am now in my early 50’s, but I have lost a lot of upper body strength. A lot. Yes, I can run marathons. Yes, I have endurance. Yes, I can get to the finish line. All those things are true, but I lost balance. Balance in life is good. Balance in life brings harmony. Balance is easy to loose. I could still run a marathon but I had to push harder than I should because of all that I stopped doing.
When I had balance with running, biking, HIT workouts, weight lifting not only was I in great shape physically but I was also able to run faster and further without injury. Now I realize that I am getting older by the day, so I may not get faster but I can certainly get stronger and find the balance that I lost. And since I am getting “older,” my body needs balance more than ever. I also realized I missed it. Yes, I’m a runner but I’m am more than legs especially at 5 foot 2. In thinking about it to, saying I am a runner made it ok not to be anything else. I used it as an excuse not to do other things even things that I enjoyed doing.
Often our lives become out of balance with out us even realizing it. We take more responsibility at work, our families require more of our energy, volunteering for important causes takes time, pets, responsibilities and one and on it goes until we realize we don’t have time for “self care.” We become out of balance without even paying attention or noticing.
Now some people hate the phrase “self care” or view it as hokey. Some think it’s selfish. Some think that there is no time. Some don’t understand that it doesn’t necessarily mean bubble baths, salon visits, or even running. Self care is what is necessary in order to recharge your batteries what ever that may be for you.
Right now most of us have a lot of extra time. There is no where to go. There is no better time to give yourself some TLC because you deserve it. Right now the world is raw, emotional, and tender. Everyone is worried. Everyone is stressed. Everyone has their own baggage that most people have no clue about. There is no better time to add balance and self care to your life because you can’t care for others if you don’t care for yourself.
So with that said, I’m looking to control what I can in my life and bring balance to it where I can. For now that means adding full body workouts. Taking time to do more than just lace up my shoes. And the good thing is that right now I have to the time to see where this will take me. Hopefully it will take me to a more balanced approach to my running.
We are all settling into our new normal. School at home. Work at home. Eat at home. Stay home. Don’t go anywhere. Home. Home. Home.
Even with that, I will be the first to say that I am in a very lucky situation. My husband has a job where he was able to immediately work from home. While he took over my computer/office area, I’ll take it. My kids are old enough and self sufficient enough that the only help I give them on “school days” is waking up to get online. While I temporarily lost my job as a Preschool Gymnastics teacher, this was extra family income to pay for activities we no longer are able to do while staying at home. So I know that I am lucky beyond belief.
On top of that, my kids are all home even my college age son. While I’m not sure he is as happy to be on Stay at Home time as me, I readily admit that it eases anxiety having them all under the same roof with me.
All that being said, I know that not everyone is in the same boat as I am. I have friends who have lost their jobs. I have friends worried about their jobs. I have friends doing their jobs while also now having to help their children with their school work. I have friends who are working in the hospitals treating the sick. These are some scary times and if your not scared or worried about something, you must be more zen than most of the world.
On top of all of that just about everyone is scrambling to find everyday staples of life. I feel like the hunter/gatherer of the family. While my husband works, I look for online shopping slots, alternative ways (farm boxes), and when need be go to the store to get supplies.
This is the new normal.
This is a temporary normal.
But for now this is normal.
We are in this together which is why when the CDC recommended wearing masks, I accepted it. There are many who don’t.
I went out for 8 miles last week. My timing was off, so I was out mid day. It was warm when I ran, but I still wore my buff to cover my mouth. I was not only in the minority, I was one of only 4 people that day wearing one. One person was driving in a car, so they might not even count. Now, not everyone I saw was running. Many were families out walking/biking but everyone was out trying to enjoy the day. I avoided all crossing streets when needed, changing route, and going out of my way to social distance from everyone.
As I said, it is not just the running community questioning the use of face masks but the population as a whole. In the running community there are many opinions. Many reasons why to wear. Many reasons why not to. It is up for debate. Some feel that since they are solo running it isn’t necessary. In my state all parks are now closed because they were jammed pack like the beach of fourth of July. Even if you were trying to socially distance, you just couldn’t. So it made sense to close them while many also don’t agree with that either.
Here is my take……. There is a lot we don’t know about Coronavirus. A lot. What we do know is that it is contagious. We also know that you could feel fine, but have it and spread it without even knowing it. By the time you know your sick (if you ever do), you have already been contagious and able to spread it. So the wearing of the masks seems like a good idea. I wear my mask to protect you. You wear yours to protect me. It’s part of being in a community.
So if you see me out there running (which I admit I need to do more of), I will be wearing a buff, a bandanna, something. I hope you are too.
Everything is cancelled and while we understand why, we appreciate the gravity of the situation, we know the necessity of it; for some reason we think we shouldn’t feel sorrow over the loss. Maybe it’s just me, but I call BS on that. Not just for runners whose races have been cancelled, but anyone who has anything which is everything cancelled.
We are allowed to miss meeting friends for coffee.
We are allowed to miss meeting our Mom’s for lunch.
We are allowed to miss running with our friends.
We are allowed to miss all the things that are important to us.
If our child came to us and told us they were upset that their soccer season was cancelled (which it is), we would never tell them that their soccer wasn’t important and they were being selfish. At least most of us would not say that. We would tell them that their feelings are understandable. That it is ok to be disappointed. That we understand that their soccer (dance, play, graduation, prom or what not) is important to them and that we wish things could be different. That it sucks and we are sorry.
It is no different for us.
We are allowed to be disappointed that races we thought we would train and be ready for our cancelled. For the runners who were ready to rock a race and then week before the rug was pulled out from them. You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to feel sadness. You are allowed to feel.
And just because you feel that way does not mean for one iota of a second that you don’t understand that there are people suffering, that people are loosing loved ones, that first responders are putting themselves in harms way for the good of the many. You can hold both feeling and truths in the same heart.