Tag Archive | Motivation

Am I Ready?

I’ve been trying to answer this question. To see where I am. What my body can do. What mentally I am prepared to do. I think I have the answer.

Am I ready to run a virtual NYC Marathon?

Hell no.

Am I ready to complete 26.2 miles for Sandy Hook Promise for a NYC Virtual Marathon?

Yes…. With in reason

I need to be smart. I need to be reasonable and most of all…… I need to check the ego.

This past Sunday, I went out with one agenda. Ok maybe 2. To plan my route which will consistent of “loops” from a local park. I am hoping to have people join me for parts of the “race” and thought this would be a great way to do it. There will be loops in the park going out to longer loop leaving park. This way some can come for shorter or longer distances. I went with no pace plan. No time frame. No nothing. Just the loops and to hit 13 miles.

I did it.

Not too shabby either

How you ask?

By not being an idiot. Ok, anymore of an idiot than thinking of finishing a marathon. I walked. I ran slowly. I walked. I stopped at my car at end of first loop. I stopped to rub feet. I refuled. I took my time. I had no… I need to be faster. I need to hit this pace. I should blah, blah, blah

I just did it

I did it knowing that I could do it. I did it knowing that I could do more. I did it knowing that my body has done this again. I did this with the thought never again….. but maybe I just mean a virtual. Most of all I did this knowing that honestly there will come a day that I can’t do this, but (blank) no, that day is not today. So I will do this.

It will be hard. My feet will hurt. My hands will swell. I will be tired. I most definitely will be sore. I will be slow. I will like every marathon question my wisdom, BUT I PLAN TO FINISH WHAT I SET OUT TO DO!

So the date is set, October 22.

The time is set…. Starting at 8:30

The pace is what it will be.

The reason is clear……… I am running for Sandy Hook Promise and the promise of a better day for our children.

https://fundraisers.hakuapp.com/christine-chaillet-1

Just Doing My Best

I wake up tired.

I am tired all day.

I fall asleep on the couch…..tired

I don’t always sleep well in bed though.

Could be age. You know having to get up for the bathroom.

Could be damn Cpap machine that gurgles, hisses and is stuck on my head.

Could be the hypopara muscle aches and all the fun that goes with it.

Could be mind spinning and spinning.

Who knows. Sleep is a mysterious thing which is why I assume there are so many books about it. That being said, all this tiredness makes for an unmotivated not moving as much as I should be person.. All I know is that I am not alone in my struggle. The struggle is real and so many of us go through it.

i will be honest too…… Staying on track is hard. Staying motivated may be even harder. The why bother it never works devil is real. The does it really make a difference voice is loud. The does it even matter whispers are shouts. What is the point is the biggest struggle. Round and round and round it goes till you are paralysed into doing nothing.

nothing.

nothing

nothing.

No plan.

No blogging to keep yourself honest.

No coming up with goals but finding so many excuses.

Now here me out……… Some of these “excuses” are vaild. Many of them are real making what feels like an impossible situation like climbing a mountain without gear. I often forget though…..

I can do hard things!

I have done hard things.

Now the question I have to seriously start asking though…….

Do I want to do them?

What is the benefit of doing them? What is the detriment of not doing them? And the absolute hardest question….. Why am I afraid of doing them? Of making a plan…… of sticking to it…. Of being willing to falter….. of doing something even if I am the only one who cares that I am doing it?

The truth boils down to….. Fear of failure. Fear of stating that something I strive for might be out of reach…. We don’t stop growing because we fail, we stop growing because we stop trying.

I, once again, might be ready to face reality and try. There are some truths to. I have medical condition that makes trying harder some days them others. I am a home baker. There will be snacks but I can adjust. I am a middle age woman with the metabolism of a dead person. I need to move more and make excuses. I need to at the very least try.

Goal #1

I need to eat healthier.

Goal # 2

I need to move in a more constent manner and come up with a plan.

Goal # 3

I need to make myself accountable. For me that will mean documenting it all. The struggles. The small (and hopefully) big victories and just be real that it isn’t always going to work. So I need to adjust and not give up.

While this morning, I did weigh myself and take measurements, weight is not the goal. More importantly, the numbers that I need to improve…. Cholesterol, calcium, kidney function and the rest will work itself out.

so here is to trying!

Money and Time

Often when you read about how to be healthier or loose weight, it is all about food choices and exercise. Now OBVIOUSLY those two are what is necessary to maintain a healthy lifestyle, weight, and effect our health the most. What I keep finding though is that what is often missed in these discussions is the MONEY and the TIME it takes to eat healthy. Now studies have shown that obesity and poverty are associated. I am not going down that rabbit whole today. If you are uncertainty of that correlation, there are many valid peer reviewed studies on it.

This post is about me (as most of them are) and those that can relate. This is about those of us who do not fall into the above mentioned category of poverty but still struggle. Yes, it is diet and exercise. Yes, I can choose to have a healthy salad for lunch instead of quickly throwing together a PB&J sandwich or going through a drive through. I know that. I can eat a well balanced home cooked salmon dinner instead of ordering a pizza…….but I’m tired.

Let’s face it…. It is hard to eat healthy. It shouldn’t be, but it is.

Why? Oh why?

Yes….. It’s Money!!!

I have been starting my day off with a healthy smoothie for a while now. Do you know the cost of good fruit? Even frozen. Then you add in the yogurt, protein powders and such and it all adds up. And I am bot even talking about going organic because thats a rich mans game for family. And this is only breakfast. Why is a healthy salad or salmon dinner more expensive than picking up a burger or a bowl of pasta? Then we are not even getting into snacks……

Yes…… It’s Time!

We are all going a million directions where as they say time is money. I have my morning smoothie game down pat where it doesn’t take me a long time now but that being said, I also don’t have a 9 to 5 job. Luckily for me, I don’t go into work until 1:00 affording me time in the morning to have my smoothie and if I plan a healthy lunch. Dinner though is another thing when I am getting home tire at 6:30. It really is much easier and faster to throw something together processed and filled with carbs than cutting fresh ingredients. Also lets not forget that the fresh ingredients are more expensive. Honestly cooking healthy meals is more time consuming than opening a box and we can all agree with that

With all this being said…..

For me since my kids are older giving me more time……..

For me since I can afford to make the healthier choices without effecting my bottom line for the most part…

It honestly and 100% comes down to will. Some days I have it. Some days I don’t. Some days I am just tired. Some days I just want to spend time cooking a healthy meal Some days it’s a mixed bag much like my entire life.

Here is the thing too. I am not striving for perfection. I know I will go through cycles where I follow a plan and some days I won’t. I also know that in the end all I can do is make the best choices on any given day. Some days that will mean a instagram worthy smoothie, salad, or healthy dinner. Some days it will mean eating fries out of a bag while downing an impossible burger.

Balance…..

Because as I’ve said before – None of us are getting out of here alive and we need to stop beating ourselves up over things that don’t really matter.

Balance

Because I know that I am lucky to be able to do what I can

Tip for the day

Stop beating yourself up because there are enough people in the world that will do it for you. Be your own BFF and have your own back knowing that you are doing the best you can

AND THAT IS OK!

All or Nothing

Why do we think it has to be all or nothing?

Why do we think that we have to go all in?

Why is balance so hard?

I admit that I have a problem with balance. It might be one of the things that works in my favor when it comes to getting shit done. It also might be one of the things that works against me when it comes to getting shit done. The all or nothing approach comes at a cost.

We can’t start eating healthy because it’s just to hard to give everything up.

We can’t start working out because we don’t have time to commit

We can’t because of this or that or this or that……

But what if instead of thinking we have to commit 110% percent…… What if we just realized that just doing something is better than doing nothing.

What if instead of going gang busters on a new diet plan that we know long term we won’t stick to, we decide that we look at where and how we can make even what might appear to be small changes?

What if instead of waking up at 5:00 AM (you know I’m never doing that) to squeeze in our workout/run in, we just look at what we can do and give that time..

What if instead of thinking that we need to run as fast as we can for what we deem is necessary distance, we just decide to give what we are able to give.

What if instead of sitting on the couch binging Yellowstone (highly recommend), we do it from the treadmill or stationary bike?

There are ways to make what might appear to be small changes….. some might even say insignificant changes……. in a way that are not only sustainable but together can bring big change.

Here is the bottom line…… If you continue to do the same thing, nothing changes. If you start with small changes over time, they will lead to big changes.

So start where you are!

Do what you can!

Most of all be kind to yourself in the process, because you are worth it:)

In Waiting Room

Why are we also perpetually putting our happiness in the waiting room?

I will be happier when I get a new job….

I will be happier when I’m single/married…..

I will be happier when I can fit into a size x again….

I will be happier when I loose X number of pounds…..

I will be happier when I can hit X pace, PR, finish a certain event…..

I will be……

What if we just focus on the will be and see where that takes us?

What if instead of putting our happiness in the waiting room, we focus on what we can do to be happy where we are?

Easier said than done and we all know that.

We live in a society where we are always looking for the next shiny object that is supposed to make us happier. Supposed to make us feel complete. We live in a society that also knows that the discontent makes money.

Now it may seem like I am saying not to have goals…. not to strive for things…… Not to look forward but thats not what I’m saying at all. I am saying we must learn to embrace where we are, what we have, and what we can do in our lives who anything we do will never be good enough.

It also doesn’t help that many of us feel like we are in a holding pattern since the beginning of the Covid Pandemic. NO LIFE DIDN’T STOP even if it is not the same but in many ways a lot is still on hold.

When I was in top form chasing sub 2 half marathons (check), 25 minute 5K (never got it only hit 26 minutes) and a 4:30 half (another miss); these goals kept me motivated. They inspired me to push, but the chase is what made me happy. The disappoints may have been real in not hitting goals, but they also weren’t life changing when I didn’t reach them just as they weren’t when I did.

I was happy with the chase and any goals achieved were the cherry on top.

Right now, I am trying to motivate myself for just the chase. So much to be done and not enough time to do it is keeping the motivation at bay. Many of us are in the same boat because of jobs, family responsibilities, and just the day to day of life. Right now I keep waiting for the motivation to find me, but what I have to do is find the motivation. I’m looking…… I’m really looking…….

If you seek, you will find…..

Motivation…… I’m coming for you…… Is that considered motivation? lol

This Is Different

So after NYCM, I said that I didn’t want to run anymore marathons. I meant it. I meant it for several reasons. One, honestly, is that I was getting bored of running. I vividly remember going for a training run one day. I was running fine. I wasn’t tired. I was running/walking fine but I was bored. Now part of it is because I mostly train on my own, but I seriously just was tired of running. Not tired from running, but of running.

I don’t even know if I have run since the marathon which better change as I did sign up for the Fred Lebow half marathon in January.

I will also admit that I have been thinking about triathlons again. My very first race that I ever did before getting off the couch that got me to where I am now was a Sprint Triathlon. It was a big motivator. It also great at making me cross train because it wasn’t really cross training but training. I had one thought that kept me motivated to train especially the swim….

With the Run, you can walk

With the bike, you can coast

With the swim, you will drown….

So train.

Prepare

I am excited about this. This is truly going back to square one.

No coasting.

Train some more.

Most of all, I am feeling a sense of excitement as this will be all new again. I haven’t done a Triathlon since 2016 and never with Hypopara. I may be 100% wrong, but for some reason I think this will be less stress on my body. I also think that with transitions it might be easier to decide when and where to add calcium during training.

Now while this may really feel like it has come out of left field, it has not. I have been mulling over the thought of a triathlon for a while. It’s been in the back of my mind festering. And like all things that fester, eventually you have to do something.

So here I am. Signed up and trying to drag as many of my friends down the crazy train with me…….. This is something all good friends do!

Passenger or Driver?

You are either a passanger of life or you are driving. I have realized that recently I have been sitting back and allowing myself to view life as a passenger. Like I have no control on what is happening. Where I am headed and what choices do I have to make. Like the trip has been mapped out and I am just going along for the ride. Like it has been predetermined.

It is easy for this to happen. Your driving along. You hit a few speed bumps. Take a few turns and before you know it you are not only heading the wrong direction unaware but you put it on autopilot and just keep going.

I am stopping the ride, getting off and figuring out where I want to go and how I want to get there. In order to do that, I have to step back and just re-access. Start asking where I want to end up and what I’m willing to do to get there and why I want to go.

More to come as I start actually coming up to the answer to some questions

Are you a passenger or driver in your life? If you don’t know, then I think you know:)

Bob and Weave…. AGAIN

I am at the point in my training where I am admitting that I have now failed in my training. That my training has gone off the rails. That I am not where I should be in my marathon training. That family events (passing of MIL), injuries (dealing with feet), flooding (we weren’t so bad, but dealing with flooded basement is exhausting), and just life in general has pushed training to back burner. I will say though that at least the burner is still on, so I am continuing to move foward.

This really is the time in everyone’s training where it is time to re-access and take stock. For some, they can realistically turn it around to possibly make any goals and tweak their training. Others will look at this as a time to decide weather even running is an option as they know they will not be happy with doing their best. For someone like me…. I am just adjusting expectations and I am ok with that.

Here is what I’ve got going for me….. My experience and my attitude.

Here is what is working against me….. My feet and not being where I should be in training.

So how to reconcile the two?

For me, it is and always been about expectations. Yes, I thought going into my training that I would be in a different place. My training started off great. I was following the plan. I was doing well. I was right on track, but we must remember that sometimes the tracks twist and turn. You have to be willing to twist and turn with them. So I am adjusting expectations which I am ok with. I was never going to win the NYCM. I was more than likely never going to finish under 5 hours which honestly in beginning I thought maybe just maybe would be doable. I used to be a upper middle pack runner, but those days are long gone.

I am a middle aged woman who is overweight with medical issues who also has feet that are not always happy.

For me…… Crossing a finish line of the NYC Marathon is a victory.

Now I do know for others, that not crossing in a certain time is a failure but failure is defined by how you define it in this situation.

I know my strengths. I have legs that dont give up and I do have the muscles and muscle memories to prove it. I also have the desire to get to the finish line. I also have the experience of completing 7 marathon’s (8 if you count a virtual one that I walked last year). 3 of these marathons are NY. I also have the knowledge that knowing my favorite marathon was my last in person NY which was also my slowest at 6:20:41 as I just took it all in. I ran some. I walked much, but I just enjoyed the experience. It is also the marathon that I remember the most about as I took in the crowds, the sites, and the people on the course.

I also know that I just really don’t care that much about my times anymore. OMG!!! Am I allowed to say that out loud? Yes, yes I am. Now don’t get me wrong….. everyone runs for their own reasons. There is nothing wrong with being someone who is running for time. I used to and I may again but I doubt it. I just want to run, walk and everything in between and feel good about it both physically and mentally.

Here is the thing…. I have a life outside of running. A life that I need to be on my feet for that life. For work – I am a preschool teacher which does not allow for much sitting. I love to bake which requires standing in kitchen. I have soccer games to attend and just life in general. So I can not push my body, my feet, to the point that it effects my life outside of running.

So here I go adjusting expectations …… AGAIN….. But isn’t that what life is about?

Just like when running in a crowded race, you must learn to bob and weave. So with that I am bobbing and weaving yet again.

Not quite winging it but close enough!

Be Brave (Take 2)

Take 2! The first published before it saved changes. Those who I text regularly could recognize my crazy voice and fat finger typing without editing……. Plus, I hate when editing does not change:)

Anywho….

Consistency is key to anything. Repetition is what takes something and makes it learned behavior. Think when you learned your multiplication tables. Who remembers those drills, pop quizzes and all those practice, practice, practice. (yeah, maybe that was just me since math was never my forte). You didn’t learn them from osmosis or at least I didn’t. You’ll learned them because you continually worked on them. Practiced until it became instant recall. My son in college seems to be doing this with formula’s I couldn’t even begin to tell you what they are called, let alone their purpose. During the pandemic many took up baking bread. As a baker, I can attest the more you do so the better the end product. Baking bread to many was like a science experiment with many complicated but necessary steps. Over time it became easier to tell when kneading was done. When your dough had the the right texture,and eventually could just do it by feel. There was no second guessing, you just knew.

The same consistency is required with training and creating a workout routine. For most, we need to schedule time for your workout because it is not part of the routine nor necessarily something we are looking forward to (yet) . Eventually with consistency it becomes part of you and it feels strange if you miss it. I’ve mentioned before how my husband transformed himself with loosing weight through the tried and true method of diet and exercise. In the beginning, it was challenge but now he couldn’t imagine a day where he was not doing something physically active. It has become part of him and he looks forward to one of his daily workouts.

It takes bravery to step out and try something new. It takes bravery to commit to something. To put yourself out there no matter how far or near out there you may go. It takes bravery and commitment to say you are going to do something and then actually do it. Even if it isn’t working for you, it is so much easier to stay in the same place. There is comfort in the uncomfortableness of the known because while it may suck at least you know what you are dealing with. To stay with what is comfortable even if it is not where you want to be instead of tiptoeing into the unknown…… So no matter how hard it is to stay in one place, it is always so much harder to take the first step and then the second.

Consistency is needed in beginning of any plan. It is necessary until it becomes part of you.

Some will go far.

Some will go as far as they can.

Some will go fast.

Some will go as fast as they can.

Pace….. Distance…. Events…..

The most important thing is to be true to yourself. With that thought process, I’ve been plugging away on my half marathon training plan. I’ve been sticking to the program which I admit is much easier to do with a treadmill now. I used to hate treadmill running (and part of me still does), but since I’ve discovered watching shows on Netflix while running it isn’t bad. I also credit the treadmill with allowing me to reboot my training and keeping me in check with where I should be running for that reason alone I owe it some love. That being said, you can’t race from a treadmill which means you need to also do some training outside.

This week for the first time since I started following my Half Marathon training plan, I took the run outside. I didn’t watch my watch, but wanted to test myself and run by feel. I wanted to keep the run conversational for the most part, but also make it a worthwhile training run. So I chatted with myself. Tested how I felt and kept myself where I thought I should be running. Hours later I looked at my paces and info from my run and I surprised myself. I hit the paces that I should be hitting. I actually had surprisingly beautiful negative splits. Most of all and this is the best part…… I enjoyed the run. There was no beating myself up because I wasn’t hitting certain paces, that I was running too slow or any such thing. There was knowledge that I was doing what I should be doing and that was enough.

Sometimes that is more than enough. I know that if I pushed myself that I could hit faster paces, but for now this is not a tradeoff I am willing to make right now. I also realized that this was enough. It is always enough. I might actually be able to push myself faster and harder, but the cost to do so is one that I am no longer willing to pay. We all have to decide what we want. What we are willing to give up. What we are willing to trade off. What we are willing to work for and what is not worth the work. These are individual choices that no one can make for us. There is no one size fits all and that is ok.

What choices are you making today? Remember not making a choice is still a choice, so choose wisely my friend

Putting You in a Box

Some people look at you not as you are but their vision of you. They look at you as who you were when you knew them – High School, College, job, time in your life, weight, or what ever they think of. Their vision does not necessarily meet reality. It is just the reality that they see and often they are wrong.

Often in life the struggle is knowing who you are. Being confident in who you are. Most of all not letting outside sources define you, but walk your own path. Many people will think they know you based on your social media posts alone, but does that mean they really know you?

People will judge you without truly knowing you. People will judge you based on their perception of you. People will judge you and not have all the facts even if they think they do. It’s not our job to provide these people the facts. It’s not our place to fill in the blanks for them. We owe them no explanations. Often we still explain ourselves. We feel we need to justify our life choices. We don’t.

I think I have said this before, but sometimes we must also realize that in some peoples story we will be the bad guy. Sometimes that’s true. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes we can repair the damage. Sometimes we can’t and must walk away. That is life.

Today I had a moment where I realized that someone put me in a box that I don’t fit in. (Ok at the moment, I fit in them) I was talking to someone close to me who has recently gotten into running. I was mentioning how I was planning to start heart rate training. I was saying how I really don’t know what pace that I should be training with and how I was basing perceived paces on past paces. I went on to say before my 2016 thyroid surgery I was much faster and ran a 26:26 5K. They literally thought I was mistaken because the pace was 8:30 and they thought that was too fast for me (then).

I showed them my stats from Atlinks and pointed out that I used to be much faster and was quit the bad-ass at the time. Again this was someone in my life close to me. Someone who knows how much I love(d) running and how often I’ve run. They realized how much I raced. How many events I completed and all of that……. but they put me in a box. They didn’t see me for who I was at that time and only their perception of me.

Even now I know people define me….. Let them because their vision is not mine. Their perceptions don’t define me. I know that some see me just as a mom. Some see me as a wise ass (ok that one might be true). Some see me as my size. Some see me with their vision…… They are missing who I am

I may be some of what they say, but I am so much more. I am determined. I am an athlete. I am social warrior. I am many things. What I am most is what I determined.

As a finally note, you will come across people in your life that will see all the pieces in your box. They will see you with clear eyes. They will see the good. They will see the bad. They will see it all. Those that see it all and accept it as it is and not as they want or imagine…. Those are your peeps. Those are the keepers. I am lucky to have a few of those and I’m holding onto them.

Hold onto yours too.