Tag Archive | Motivation

Check

It is not an exaggeration to say I was at my peak as a runner in 2016 before my surgery. I had only started running in 2013 with the couch to 5K. By 2106 I was on my 3rd marathon chasing a sub 4 marathon and even ran a 50K. I felt unstoppable. I was working with my running coach who helped me meet many goals even a sub 2 half marathon. I was even 25 pounds lighter.

I timed my thyroid surgery around running the 2016 NYC Marathon.. At this point we all know what happened so no need to rehash. (Search posts to see how crashed & burned). I even ran the Runners World Hat trick as training for NY.

Here is the thing though while I’ve never let my Hypopara stop me, sometime it beat me. In 2017, I signed up for at the time the Runner’s World Bethlehem Festival quadruple play. I ran the trail. I ran like I didn’t have Hypopara. I finished the trail race and called it a weekend. I just didn’t have it in me to run the rest of the weekend. It beat me. This was my first DNS (did not start) for the other races.

I admit that I wasn’t trained enough to even think of running 4 races. Hypopara was still to new to me. I didn’t fully understand it and how it affected my body. It took me years and I’m still learning as it is always different, but I’ve learned.

I always figured that I would go back, but then the event was cancelled. Then a few years later, they brought it back as the Bethlehem Running Festival. This is why this past race weekend was so important.

It wasn’t about the bling….. which is very nice.

It wasn’t about feeling like a badass….which I kinda do now

It wasn’t about anything….

It was about proving that I could do this… even with hypopara.

I can’t explain why this event was important for me to finish, but it was.

Next:)

Sometimes I Forget

Sep1

When you are a healthy runner, you can still run into issues with your training. You can over train. You can become dehydrated. You do so many things wrong, but usually there is some wiggle room. When you have Hypopara (or any other health issue), you might not have so much wiggle room. Sometimes you forget that too.

Today was a day to remind me of that. A day where I got the not so gentle reminder that there isn’t as much wiggle room as I would like to pretend. It is easy to forget these things. It is easy to pretend that you just take extra calcium and meds just because. Especially when for the most part you are stable. Yes, you sometimes get gentle reminders that you need to take some more meds….. a “dancing” of your leg muscles, a little tingle here or there, but nothing crazy.

Training has been going well. I haven’t necessarily been following the plan perfectly, but enough that I feel comfortable with it. Enough to know that I can run a half in 3 weeks and continue with it to run the Hat Trick in October. I’ve done multiple back to back runs. Some of them have even been a run in the evening followed by run the next morning. All Good.

Yesterday I went for a training run with my friend. We did an easy 6 miles. No issues. Run itself was comfortable and left feeling like I could run more. We did it!

This morning I left for another 5 miles. I was adding some hills, since the Hat Trick has lots of them. I wasn’t going to race. I wasn’t going to be fast. My goal was to try to be steady. Figure out a walk/run plan. I was about half mile out when I realized that I forgot my water. It was hot and humid, but I figured lets just keep going. So I did…..

Like all runners, I monitored the way my body was feeling during the run. Today I was really just focused on completing the miles, watching pace to make sure I wasn’t running too fast, and trying a new walk/run plan (8 to 1). I was trying to run a smart training run.

During the run there were times I felt the tingles that sometimes come when running. I adjusted. I just wanted to push to 5 miles watching my heart rate and pace. I’ve felt these tingles before. These are just little warning bells, but nothing crazy. Once I hit the 5 miles, I walked.

I had 1/2 mile to go and figured a walk would be a good cool down. The tingles became more intense, but again nothing crazy. As soon as I got in the house I made my ice water with electrolyte powder. While sometimes after a hard workout I will take some extra calcium, thankfully today I also took an extra Calcitriol. Minutes later both my hands seized up with tetney or as I call it, the claw hand. I could not open. I could not close. I also having severe tingling and pressure in both arms and lips/face.

I admit it, I got very nervous especially because I was home alone and would be for hours. I wasn’t sure if I was going to pass out. I asked Siri to call the friend I ran with yesterday. She is familiar with my issues and as a bonus she is a PT who understands the body. I tied to be calm, but I think she knew I was freaked out and how I was feeling as I was swearing up a storm. I even gave her my address and unlocked the back door just in case I stopped talking to her. This was no joke. This was the worst crash I’ve ever had…. NO I AM NOT BEING DRAMATIC. Those who have been here understand.

Luckily as we stayed on the phone with my friend little by little my hands became my own. I would happily tell her, “my pinky and tall finger are moving!” It slowly released me after quickly grabbing on. She said she knew when I was feeling better when I stopped swearing.

Once my body was my own again, I texted my doctor. She called minutes after getting my text. I love her so:). We talked about what happened. What I needed to do as far as meds. She felt that we would rather go on side of dealing with high calcium than low…. Although the high never came. She gave me instructions on what to do if the tetney came back…. It was go to ER for possible calcium infusion. Thankfully that never came either.

I am ok now. I literally did nothing for the rest of the day. Resting. Eating calcium rich foods as well as following the regime she gave me for meds.

So today was a reminder. Be smarter. Be prepared. Most of all know that even if one day something works, that Hypopara does what it wants when it wants. That being said, I know hope is on the horizon. Hopefully in 6 months to a year I can be on the hormone replacement. Until then, I am thankful this is (for me) a very rare moment.

Stay safe.

Stay healthy

Most of all…

Never give up.

Hope

Aug18

This was a full week filled with work, training and hope! So lets break it down….

Training has been going well. As I said, I am not going to do every run as a run, but I am doing my training. I also am trying to be proactive and went totally the podiatrist to get a new pair of orthotics. I have suffered with plantar fasciitis in the pst, so I am trying to get ahead of it. This is also one of the reasons that i am not doing all my training as running. There is a benefit to it.

I was surprised that when I went to the podiatrist he told me that the last time I got orthotics was in 2017. I knew it had been a while, but that is definitely too long for feet like mine. I am also trying to make sure to do some daily exercises and stretches. I really want to do all i can not to deal with the pain of plantar faciatis. Fingers crossed.

As for the hope……..

This week TransCon PTH was approved by the FDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is now the first hormone replacement therapy approved for those of us with Hypopara. I am excited because I remember how I felt when I was taking Natpara (another therapy that was pulled). That being said, I also know getting on it will be a whole other hurdle.

When I was on Natpara it required special approval because it was not FDA approved. It also was extremely expensive. It didn’t cost me anything because it was all covered by Shire (the company) seeking approval. The cost was nothing to sneeze at since it was over $10 THOUSAND dollars a month. So there’s that, but I haven’t heard the cost of TransCon yet.

I am hopeful that even if it has a high cost that I would still qualify but I’m not sure cost wise if it will be affordable. Fingers crossed. I think that I would qualify since I am slowly damaging my kidneys with my high urine calcium levels. I check my levels every 6 months. My last 24 hour urine level was 560 even though I take “low” doses of calcium and calcitriol. My levels are usually over 350, but I’ve been over 500 a few times. For those unsure what this means, for someone without Hypopara a high level is anything over 250. They give some leeway for those of us with it, but anything over 300 is considered high….. So go me:)

These high levels are the reason I have said that I am trying not to add calcium into my training but work in the constrains of what I normally take. I may adjust when I take, but I really am trying not to add more unless it is necessary to keep my serum calcium levels in check.

Balance…

Balance…..

So looking forward to the day that I can take an injection of PTH daily and then let my body do what it is supposed to do. Until then….

Here we are:)

Are you planning to get in line to get on TransCon?

A Slow Ember

Feb18

I used to feel that I must give 100% to everything. Maybe even 110%. Just give it everything. Give it my all. The Go Big or Go Home mentality.

But what if I just want to go home? Ok not anymore, but that’s what happened. You can’t just give everything in your life 100%, because eventually you have nothing left to give.

I love to bake and have a home baking business…

I began a new career path becoming a preschool teacher in September working full time…

I like to run…

I have a family…

I have a life….

All of these things are important. All of these things pull at me. All of these things in the moment require 100%, but they can not consume me.

The problem was that was trying to do it all like the other things didn’t exist. Life does not take place in a vacuum. I never gave myself a break. I went from on thing to the next. I felt like I was failing at all of it because you can’t give it all 100% and have anything left for yourself. Maybe some of you can, but I can’t. Add to that my Hypoparathyroidism and my tank is usually not full anyway.

Balance. I’ve said it before. I will say it again.

Period.

Knowing when to say no. Knowing when you are at your limit. Knowing that it is Ok to enjoy things just for the sake of enjoying them. Knowing you get clarity when you step back and say…

ENOUGH

I love (not always and I do complain) to run, but that always went to bottom of list. This meant that I was at the bottom of the list. Running gives me time to both turn my brain off and give me time to think. If you are a runner, you get that. Yet, that always went to the bottom.

I also realized that while all the things I do are important, so are limits. Limits on the amount of time and energy I put into them. No matter how you slice is there are only 24 hours in a day. So learning to say no is ok. Learning to know when your plate is filled and also learning to plan things out o not to be overwhelming.

I am still working on this but one thing I need to remember is that if I should not be the last on the list. I don’t need to take every baking order that comes my way if it will not fit in my schedule. While my job is extremely important, I do need to give myself a break when I leave. I need to make time to make sure that I can do the things that I want to do.

I’ve been running. I’ve been making time. I’ve run a few 5K’s. I’ve made time to run with friends. I’ve been training. Today’s training was 8 miles in the cold.

I loved it. Nothing clears my mind like a good run.

So here is to running, finding balance and taking a nap on a Sunday afternoon.

More to follow soon as with this new found desire to find balance and do things for me, I have a goal. I may even have several goals. Goals that will help me retain my balance:)

Ready to Begin….. AGAIN!

Dec23

Time has passed.

I’ve rested.

Like really, really, really rested.

I had thought about it, but was not motivated. I could not force it. I could not fake it until I felt it. I just wasn’t there.

Not even a smidgen.

I couldn’t pretend. I couldn’t show up. It’s not even that I wasn’t motivated. It is that I just didn’t care. I didn’t miss running. I didn’t miss working out. I didn’t even have a spark.

I was tired. Like really, really tired. Now to be honest, I’m still tired. I’m still sore. I’ve still got a lot of things going on. Working full time, baking, and medical stuff. But there is a difference now.

I am actually ready to begin. I am not being forced into it. I want to do it. This is good now too because I got into the NYC Half Marathon. My training plan starts next week and here’s the thing……… I am excited to be starting. I am excited to try again.

I do also have a motivation. I had my physical earlier this month. Somethings expected. Things like being overweight. Cholesterol going up a little bit but not enough for medication which I am happy about. I don’t want to add anything else as the Hypopara is enough. Super High urine calcium levels as always (due to meds/calcium needed for the Hypopara) – Not unexpected, but concerning. Not much to do right now as I don’t qualify for the trial of the PTH therapy. The surprise was the pre-diabetes.

Whelp……….

That will be a wake up call.

Although this wasn’t what made me ready to start. This was the final motivation to do so. Timed perfectly with getting into the NYC Half.

So here is being ready to train. Missing the feeling of running and wanting to be better. What is nice is that I will be doing a recheck of my labs in March to see if a follow up is needed, but this is same time as the HM.

Here’s to doing better.

Here’s to feeling better.

And most of all….

Here is to actually wanting to Start again.

I’ve already taken the first step and started at a gym getting set up to work out.

I know it won’t be easy. I know my body will resist. I will be sore. I will be tired…… but here’s the thing

I can do hard things.

I am ready to do hard things.

I am ready….. really, really, ready.

Most of all, I want it this time.

It’s go time.

It’s Go Time

Aug14

This year, I set a “simple” goal of completing one event either virtual or in person a month. We are on month 8 and so far so good. Most events have been in person. This month I have yet to decide on weather I will do an in person event at end of the month or a virtual one, but it will get done.

I’ve done these events because that was my goal for the year. I said it, so you know I was going to follow through. This was my only goal for the year and at the time I set it, that was enough.

It is no longer enough. While I am not ready to say I am jumping in to training for a marathon, I’ve realized that I want to do more. ( I will add with the heat this summer, my crazy schedule, and again the heat; I am so happy not to be training for anything!). I am also not saying that I will be doing one next year, but I am at the point I am questioning/thinking about the day I will be ready.

So with that being said, I’m planning for 2024. Thinking….. Do I want to do a marathon? Do I want to do 9 plus 1 to get into NYC marathon for 2025? Do I want to only run Half Marathon’s as a goal. What to do? What to do? Fortunately I have time to decide, but I also want to put myself in a position to be able to make these choices.

So short term but very real and concrete goals that need to be met to put me on the path for future goals.

Goal # 1 –

I need to loose a minimum of 20 pounds.

Will it be easy? Hell no.

Do I like tracking my food? Not in the least.

Is making this a goal necessary? You bet.

I am the heaviest I’ve every been non pregnant. And while I don’t really care about my round belly, I also know that it is not good for me for multiple reasons. So it is time, I do something about it. Like everyone, I know it won’t be easy, my metabolism is a zero and with Hypopara it can be more challenging.

Here’s the thing……. I CAN DO HARD THINGS.

So game on. One week in and it seems to be working. I’m tracking which is getting me thinking about my choices.

If I want to get myself into a position where I have choices to run longer, I need to get my weight down as for me it will have an impact on running with my feet issues.

Goal # 2 –

RUN & Cross Train

While I don’t know what my last event this year will be, I want to run it and run it comfortably. Run a 5K as a 5K. Also this will put me into a position to decide what goals I want to set next year.

On top of tracking my food, I started challenging myself to close all of my rings on my apple watch. Not just calories burned, but also completing 20 minutes of exercise a day.

I also know that I ran my best when I did more than just running. So I need to as I work on my running, cross train. I literally have a full gym in my garage. So I need to use it! I have started a Fiton program to do that

Goal # 3

Start all of this where I am today not where I was and realize that I will get where I need to go. You don’t start driving in 4th gear, so I can’t start this program where I want to be.

Reality is what it is and when you don’t live in it that is when you will have issues.

Almost one week down and so far so good. Yeah, I know it’s only been a week; but you must celebrate your successes. One week at a time. Sometimes one day at a time.

Just Put on the Shoes

Jul23

Giving up is a choice.

Starting is a choice.

Waiting, ignoring and waiting some more to start is also a choice.

I feel like I am always waiting for the shoe to drop. Waiting. Wondering. When is it going to drop and what will happen when it does.

Here is the thing. What if I stop waiting for the shoe to drop and put them on and just run with it.

Easier said than done, but I’m trying.

What you do when no one is watching is more important than when you have an audience. (I know that is pretty funny being as I’m writing this for my blog, but there are only a handful of you who read. So I’m good:) )

Here is the thing…. Everyone is doing their own thing. Focused on their own goals, dreams, and trying to figure out their own path. No two paths are ever the same even if they are parallel. Everyone also has a reason for where they are on their path.

For me….. (I know broken record)……. I was in a good place right before my thyroid surgery and becoming Hypopara. I was running the fastest I’ve run (the whole sub 2 NYC Half). I was at a good weight. I was also running longest distances with not just a marathon but completing my one and so far only 50k. Things were good. Right up until they weren’t.

Isn’t that the same for everyone though. No one knows what will happen in their lives. No one can predict with certainty where they will be, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t still decide where they want to go. I forgot that……

I’ve given up on having control thinking that my weight, my running, my everything was out of my control due to Hypopara, age and metabolism. Treding water just thinking that was all I could do. Silently struggling and not even knowing I was taking on water?

Often you don’t realize how much you have been struggling until you get to the side and hold on, looking back and thinking about the struggle. We live in a society where strength is revered. Being a Bad Ass is a complement. We are told to power through and push through. Never being told that we need and should take a moment to breathe.

It is only when we exhale, can we see how much we needed the air.

So here I am on the exhale realizing that I’ve been waiting for change to happen…… Yes, I’ve met with nutritionists, I’ve gone through motions,, I’ve complained, I’ve lamented, I’ve waited and waited and waited…… I’m not sure what I was waiting for, but think I finally realized what I was waiting for……….

I was waiting for me.

I was waiting for me to be sick and tired of making excuses even if they are valid. I was waiting to get the fire back that I was trying to force myself to have. I was waiting to decide that I’m not just going through the motions, but that I want to do them. I was waiting to decide that I am ready to set goals and actually stick to them. I was waiting to exhale.

So here I am setting concrete goals, working toward them and realizing that I will be doing them because I actually want to and not because I feel like I need to. My first event was almost 10 years ago. I had fire. I had drive and I had will and it was all internal.

I am there again.

Stay tuned……

Coming Up For Air

Jul20

We all go through life like tomorrow is a given. Like we can, should, and will put off things for another day…. Another week… another month.

We will meet with friends as soon as our crazy, busy schedule allows.

We will wear the good dress, outfit, shoes on just the right occasion, but that occasion isn’t today.

I won’t blog today because what I want to say isn’t interesting enough

We will put off till tomorrow all of our hopes and our dreams.

We act like tomorrow is a promise not a gift.

It isn’t.

Maybe it’s human nature to feel that way because if we didn’t we would drown in our emotions and become incapacitated .

And there is truth in that. You have to believe in tomorrow to get through today. You have to know that tomorrow is another day to try again….. to dream again…. To begin again.

That being said, we must also realize that the beauty in life is not the chores we feel we must complete….. not how clean our house is (harsh truth – mine is a train wreck)……. Not all the million little things we fill our day with.

What is important is the connections we make. The people we share it with.

Often everyone puts off the really important things for things that our unimportant. You know the whole keeping up with the Joneses mentality. But unless your name is Jones, who really cares?

We live in a world where perfection is the norm. Everyone wants a cookie cutter yard. Wanting to conform to societies expectations……. but what if we just stopped?

What if we decided instead of being like everyone else that we would just be the best version of ourselves? Flaws and all.

And how about instead of looking at them as flaws, we look at them as just part of who we are?

It is the whole let me get in shape,, so that I can start going to the gym. I need to start running, so I can start running with friends. Fear of failure or not being good enough is not an excuse because who says you aren’t good enough. Certianly no one in your tribe who cares for you would. They will also meet you at your pace:)

Here is the thing too…..

Haters are going to Hate.

Jerks are always going to be jerks.

Bitches are always going to bitch and have something to say.

People who will talk smack behind your back are not your tribe. Your tribe are the ones who come to offer you a hand when you fall down. (Then they will make a joke to your face about it). Most of all, you have to be your own tribe leader.

So choose your tribe wisely, but more importantly know that life is not a competition…… not with others. Not with yourself……

As they say……

So wear the dress, put on the shoes (especially the running shoes) and just enjoy:)

Stepping Out of Fear

May22

Often we live in fear and don’t even realize it. We wait for the shoe to drop. We expect the worst. We don’t even realize that it is there, because it almost becomes part of us. What fear does most though is the way it holds us back. We think, if I do this then X will happen. I can’t do this because Y will happen. So then nothing happens. We stand still and fear wins even if we don’t recognize it as what it is.

I have been letting fear hold me back. Now, don’t get me wrong….. there is a HUGE difference between being responsible, smart and listening to experts advice. There is also something to be said for not going in all willy nilly and not taking facts into consideration.

FACTS……

I have Hypoparthyroidism

I need to balance keeping my serum calcium levels in check while keeping my urine levels in check. (Yes, it is harder than it sounds)

Currently, running longer distances requires more calcium supplements which raises urine calcium levels. As does running faster paces.

I am currently under the care of a Endocrinologist whom not only do I feel, but 100% know understands this crazy disorder.

I am very lucky!

So with all of these hard and true facts, there is also some truth that needs to be faced. Due to fear of pushing my body too hard, I realized that I have not been pushing it enough. There are also some extenuating circumstances.

EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES……

There are only so many hours in the day and I have been burning the bridge at both ends….. between work, taking classes for CDA (Child Development Associate), my home baking business, my home, and trying to have a life; I have not been pushing myself to follow a routine.

But there is light at the tunnel. I have completed all my CDA classes, had the required evaluation and preparing to take the state test next month. I am also looking forward to only working 3 mornings a week over the summer and I realize I set the schedule for my home baking business.

Yesterday, I continued my goal of running one event a month. I haven’t been running or training as mentioned above. Yet, I ended up running (walking some) and finishing well.

As my friend said who I ran with (slightly paraphrasing) …….. You don’t run or train, yet you pull running a 5K out of your ass like you did the 10K in January. So shut up.

So with that….. I will not shut up because you know I can’t. What I will do though is stop letting the fear of failure, the fear of not being where I think I should be therefor keeping me from where I could go, and the fear of what if’s from keeping me from what I can do.

What I can do is face each day with hope, the knowledge that it will be what it will be and there are no guarantees.

Back to Basics

May2

Often when starting out, we pick up where we left off. If we were a runner, we go out for a longer run than we should. If we were a yogi, we don’t go to the beginner yoga class. If we were a gym rat, we pick up the heavier weights. Very rarely do we go back to the beginning…… or is that just me?????

Please tell me it’s not just me??????

So here’s the thing, stepping back to “shorter” distances in running has me going back to the basics with my running. I am thinking about form. I am thinking about control of my pace. I’m thinking about speed workouts. The basics.

I have also been thinking about my cross training. Back in the day, I 3 was a champion cross trainer. I did classes. I rode my bike. I was a 3-4 day a week crossfiter. I was a badass.

Here’s the thing…… I am still a badass. I am just a different level badass. What makes me a badass is not the amount of weight I’m lifting, how fast I’m running, or any of those things. It is that I consistently (mostly) show up. That I keep plugging away. Bobbing and weaving and just keep going. That being said, I realized that just like my running; I need to step back.

I’ve been doing the Fiton classes which I really enjoy. I’ve been using weights and machines in my home gym. I’ve been doing all these things trying to push myself into a level that I am not at or comfortable sustaining. This makes it easier to stop showing up, because I’m showing up to a party I am not properly dressed for. So I’m stepping back and getting ready for the party. Just like when I started this fitness journey back in 2014 or so I didn’t start with Crossfit, I need to start with the basics.

This is not a step back. It is reality. It is meeting my body where it is and not where I want it to be, think it should be, or pretend it is. Reality isn’t always what we want, but if you pretend it is something else often you will give up and never really move forward. So how am I going back to the basics? Just like it sounds…… I am starting from the beginning.

I am doing beginner workouts on Fiton. I am not trying to be more than what I am. I am rebuilding. I am putting the weights down and starting from scratch doing body weight workouts. I am doing knee pushups, low impact. I am being smart. I will add these things as my body regains strength, endurance and in a way that builds up to it.

In doing this I have found that I am being more consistent. I am recognizing that I can push myself with where I am now and eventually by doing so I will get to where I want to be. You can’t get to your destination if you always trying to start at the finish line.

So here I am, back to where I was when I first started this blog. The beginning. Although with the hypopara, weighing more than I did back then, and now being several years older I might be starting even further back…….. That’s ok though because I know where I want to go, have a plan how to get there and am not giving up which is half the battle.

It’s once again….. Go time.

The Accidentally Running Mama

Run, Bike, Swim and Have a Life!