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Often times the struggle in life comes from not knowing who you are. Knowing what you can be versus what you want to be. Like the little kitten who thinks that he is a lion. Yes, he may have the heart of a lion, but that does not mean that he has the body on one. There are some things that one must accept.

Often in life, our struggles come from reality versus expectations. Some realities with dedication and hard work can change. Then there are times that no matter what you do, how hard you work, or what you are willing to change that reality can not. Often that is where the battle comes in. Where disappointments come in.

Some may have the heart and soul of an elite marathon runner. That does not make it so. That being said, that does not mean that you can not become the best version of you at a given point in your life. Trying to live where you are not at a point in time will put you in constant battle with yourself. If you can accept that reality as it is and not how you want it to be, than you can not only enjoy the process but be happy with it too. Again, easier said than done. This holds true for much of our lives.

I will admit that I do not have the dedication or will to be an elite athlete even if I had the body which I clearly do not. I like to sleep in too much and maybe ice cream more than I should. That being said, I do have a drive to be more than I am. The reality though is that I am now a (ahem) middle aged runner with Hypoparathyroidism who can never compete with the image in her head of how things should be or where I was prior to surgery. The beauty is that doesn’t stop me from trying to be more.

So off I went plugging away. Getting my runs in. Doing what needs to be done. Going about my business. Going out for my longest run this training cycle. 10 miles. I didn’t know if I could do it. I reminded myself of my last post where I clearly said that what you do without the fanfare is more important than when you have it. I also reminded myself to stay true to the training. So I went out thinking no matter what I would just get the run in. My plan actually called for 9, but mentally I needed the 10. So I went out and just plugged away.

Just keep running. Just keep running. Running, running, running.

You know what? I did it. I finished the run. I felt good about it. I felt like I could have kept going. Although I was very happy to be done. It was hard, but it was not impossible. Sometimes you don’t need to be the lion, you just need to be the kitten that is not willing to give up.

Here’s the thing too…… Sometimes though it’s ok for the Kitten to know that maybe it’s not her time to be the lion. Sometimes we need to step back because as fierce as we are, sometimes life has other plans for us and that’s ok too. Every battle does not need to be fought. Sometimes it’s ok to find a new path. Often it is the acceptance of that new path even if it’s just a temporary one is what makes you as fierce as a lion.

The world is filled with people getting shit done. Doing what needs to be done to get through the day. Most you might walk past and not even realize the struggle it may have taken them to get from point A to point B. This is why one of my favorite expressions is “Be Kind” because you never know what someone is struggling with…. be it depression, be it an injury, be it giving up a dream, struggles at home, or maybe they are just having a bad day.

So be the lion. Be the kitten. Be you. Most of all… just be kind.

You Can’t Hide From You

We all do it. Have our moments when we are by ourselves and think…. No one is around. I can….. eat the cookie, drink from the cereal bowl, stay in my PJ’s all day, skip a workout, ect, ect…..

Most of the time what we do in private is our business and it doesn’t matter. That being said, often what we do when no one is watching is more imporatant than when you have an audience.

Easy case in points….. Making sure that someone notices you giving a big tip, doing a good deed but making sure everyone knows you did it, being an ass to someone who can’t say anything back because you can, playing the martyr to anyone willing to listen but leaving your part of the story out. This also holds true to training.

What we do in private is our own business. Everyone has their own thing. Focused on their own goals as it should be. Everyone has to stay true to themselves, their goals, their expectations and just focus on doing what they need to do. Just do it. Do what you can. What you’ve trained to do with no doubt.

The problem arises when people aren’t true to themselves or their training. Anyone can make a training run look spectacular if you stop your watch every time you stop, walk, or take a break. While the miles may get done, it does not give true sense of what you can do or prepare you for where you are going. For some this leads to pressure to perform on a given race day for a performance that you might not be ready for. For some this may lead them to cross lines that shouldn’t be crossed and cheat. In the end though, they really are only cheating themselves out of seeing what they really can do..

Training isn’t usually glamorous. Training isn’t usually all that fun. It is hard. It isn’t always easy and honestly if it’s easy then you aren’t training hard enough. Truth be told, sometimes you just don’t want to do it. (Sounds fun, right?) But the truth is that no one suffers from short changing your training than you. Only you can be honest with your effort, your outcome, and knowing if you pushed when you needed to push. Not your friends. Not your running group. Not the crowds. The only thing that can push you to both train and cross the finish line is you. It comes from a place deep inside. Internally. If you wait and need external motivation to get you there, you will fail.

Now I’m not saying that external forces can not be motivating, because they can be. The crowds of NY can carry you in ways that someone who has never experienced running a marathon can never understand. That being said, when you are out running a 50K in the woods, there tends to not be any crowds to carry you and even during a road race there are solitary places. There certainly aren’t any crowds to carry you through training. This is why every runner, every athlete, needs to find their inner voice. They need to find their why?

Everyone has their own why. Everyone has their own reasons. Some have more than one reason.

When you push yourself to run when you don’t feel like it….To run faster, farther, and for longer than you want without the crowd, without the finish line, without the medal; you are better for it. You are a better runner. You erase doubts. You gain confidence in yourself and your abilities. Because the biggest truth is if you can’t do it when no one is looking, it will be almost impossible when everyone is.

So find your Why? Find your inner voice. Do what you know not only needs to be done, but what you know you can do if you allow yourself to do it. When I started training this cycle, I had my doubts. I had trouble completing 3 miles. I’ve been plugging away. Then last night, I noticed something. I ran my 5 miles and could have kept going. I felt good. I felt confident. This is what training does not just to the body, but to the mind.

Keep doing you.

It’s Only a Month

It’s amazing that I can have run a half marathon literally less than a month ago and feel so out of shape.   I ran a good race too.    I need to get it back together.    I need to get back to not being out of breath and sweating like I’ve just ran a half marathon after teaching a gymnastics class.   Literally drenched in sweat today.

I remember when I was training for my 50K that I ran 6 days a week.   My short run was 5 miles.

Good Times.

Now I’m not saying that I want to get out every day for 5 miles, but I do miss the feeling that I could if I wanted to that I could.    I also know that I need to get back into better cardio shape which might help.   My schedule has not been my own lately, but I’ve decided that I need to stop making excuses and get it together.

So I’m thowing down the gauntlet.

I’m going to start streaking.

Now those of you that know me personally know that I’ve really never been into the concept (for me) of streaking.    I know people who have been streaking for years and I am in awe of them, but have never felt like joining in the crazy.    I’ve done streaks of working out every day, but never running.

Until now.

Although I do plan to limit my crazy.   It will be for 30 days.   Actually 28 because I started 2 days ago.   A minimum of a mile a day for the next month.   I think this might be just what I need to get back on track

This is really something that hopefully should be relatively easy to keep too.   Monday, I start coaching elementary track 4 days a week.   So it should be easy enough to get my mile in those days since I will already be in running attire and out of the house.    There will be challenging days some that I already know of and some I’m sure will crop up unexpectedly but it’s only a month.

A lot can change in a month…..

Here’s hoping.

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Perspective

 

Sometimes in life we get stuck in a rut.   It is so easy to get caught up in the minutia of it all.   To look at things with eclipse glasses on where everything is darkened out.   We are waiting to see the eclipse only to realize that we are looking the wrong way.  Then you change directions and see the beauty before you.

You get perspective.

It is so easy to get caught up in thinking about where you were and what has changed that you forget that the journey isn’t over yet.

Nothing has changed, but there has been a shift in my thinking.

I need to stop looking backwards and start looking forwards again.

It’s a lesson that I learned a long time ago, but seemed to have forgotten.

Perspective.

Today I went out for 3 miles.   I had planned to do the walk/run for it but changed my mind.   Honestly the only reason that I changed my mind is because it was raining and I didn’t want to walk in the rain.   Anyway, I just focused on the run.   I let my body be in charge of it.   There was no thought of pace.   Just focusing on my breathing, how I felt, and enjoying running in the rain.

Here’s what happened…

I hit mile 1 without walking.   Then I hit mile 2.   Then I thought to myself, it’s been a long time since I actually ran a full 5K.

So I did….

I felt good.   I could tell that I was breathing heavier the last mile, but that is because it was raining a little harder.   Besides it was a good heavy breathing.    I felt good and am really happy with myslef.

NOW this doesn’t’ change my plan for Chicago because running a 5K does not make a marathon.

One day at a time

One run at a time.

Just running to run..

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Funny How It Works

It’s funny how things work.   I started my blog way back when just to keep track of my fitness journey.   When I started and even now, I write my blog for me.     Really.      It’s my way of processing things and expressing myself.   I’m always surprised that anyone reads it, but I do know that there are a few who follow my journey.   Even with that, when I write; I don’t think of that and write for me.   If I didn’t I might not put it all out there as honestly as I do.

So first of all, if anyone is reading this…..     Hi there:)

Now I’ve been pretty open about how much my running has sucked lately and how disappointing I’ve been.    Again, I do this because writing helps me to process things and sometimes it even gives me an Aha moment.    Then sometimes, someone will send me a message or a comment to open my eyes to that not only are people reading but they have insight and words of wisdom too.

Then sometimes you get a message from someone unexpectedly.  Someone who I’m shocked my blog even makes her reading list.   Someone who if you look up badass runner in the dictionary will have her picture and stats.   Someone who inspires me and leaves me in awe.   Someone who honestly I would now be too embarrassed to run with, but know that she wouldn’t bat an eye at taking a run with me.   She’s just that awesome.

Anyway,  sometimes it helps to hear things that you know to be true but somehow it rings truer when coming from someone whose badassness can’t be questioned.

 “Try to not apologize for pace or distance. You got out there. That’s it! You ran! You sweat! You put in the hard work! You feel pain and elation! Focus on the feeling not the pace. Fuck it.”

“In the end, it’s not about your pace or your time. It’s about the journey”

“Don’t run for anyone else. Run for yourself.”

These are words that I know are true.   These are words that I’ve tried to tell myself too, but somehow when I said them to myself I felt like I was copping out or making an excuse.   Now she is not the first to say these things to me, but somehow when I read her message to me, I really just wanted to cry.

She (and others) have been right.  I’ve been too focused on pace and distance.   I’m doing the best I can on any given day.   Like everyone some days are better than others. As long as I’m doing what I can, what more can I ask for?    I’ve always ran for me.    I’ve ran because I enjoy pushing my limits and the actual feel of running.  I think somehow I got caught up in a bit of a pity party.   Kind of stupid actually.

I need to focus on the basics which is running to run.   Running because it is what I want to do.   I need to remember that this is actually something that I both want to do and enjoy doing.  No one is making me run.   This isn’t gym class.

I need to find the joy!

So today I went out for a run (shocking).   Before I left though, I turned my Garmin to only show me distance and time of day.   I set my timer for my 3 to 1 walk ratio and out the door I went.   I ran on feel.   I ran to run.   I ran for me.

You know what?

I had a great run.   I don’t mean pace or distance.   Truth be told, I wanted to do 12 today but due to time restrictions I only got 7 in.   During the run, I went only by the way my body went and it felt good.   I know if I had had the time that 12 would have happened today and I would have felt good about it.   I also felt good about the 7 that I was able to do because they were a happy 7.    I ran by feel.   I walked when the timer went off and ran again when it beeped again.

Now I will admit that I am never going to run without my Garmin.   Just not going to happen.  What I can do though is like today take the focus off it and put it back on the run.   The funny thing is that when I allow my body to do it’s job, it knows what to do.   Today I did not feel choppy in my run.   I did not feel pressure.   I just enjoyed the beautiful running weather.   When I did download my run though, I did notice something.    I was pretty consistent in it.

So maybe it’s time to just say….

Just run

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The Shadow of Fear

 

 

noun
noun: fear; plural noun: fears
  1. 1.
    an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

     

verb
verb: fear; 3rd person present: fears; past tense: feared; past participle: feared; gerund or present participle: fearing
  1. 1.
    be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.

 

As humans fear is a normal emotion.   It’s a survival instinct.   Everyone has some fear and anyone who says they have no fears is either lying to themselves or you.    It is a necessary emotion……

To a point.

If allowed our fears can become bigger than the reality.   We create a boulder to carry when we should only be carrying  a pebble.     It happens before we even know it!   Once we realize the truth of our fears, we can chip away at that boulder and return it to it’s pebble size.   But in order to do that, we must admit our fear and face them.

I’ve realized that I’ve been living on the edge of fear lately and it’s been holding me back.    I’ve never been one to worry about the “What if’s in life.”   I’ve just kind of rolled with it.   Since my diagnosis, I’ve been fearful.   Fearful of a calcium crash.   Fearful that my calcium will spike.   Fearful of the side effects of the medications I must now take.    Fearful that I’m going to end up with kidney stones which is a common side effect.    Fearful that I’m in over my head since I still can’t seem to find a doctor that “gets it.”

Then there is the part of me that thinks I could just stop taking everything and that I’m perfectly fine.   I mean I look fine.   I actually feel good right now which also brings up fear as my levels are too good.   Yes, I know that sounds strange but it’s true.   There is a fine line.    Anyway even though my PTH levels indicate that as much as I’d like it to not to be true, my body just isn’t working right.   So in this case the fear of not taking my meds is a good thing.

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But fear can also be a bad thing.

Fear can be used to hold us back.

I can’t let the not knowing how my body and how my calcium levels will react hold me back.    Any runner/athlete on any given day can be sidelined by a whole host of things out of their control.   You can do everything right and still have a bad day.    You can’t live in the shadow of fear.

So today I am starting to chip away at that boulder.    As FDR said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”   It is with this thought that I went out on my 3 mile run last night.     I didn’t do anything stupid and push myself into paces that I couldn’t hold.    What I did though is say that I am going to run 3 miles and run the whole thing.  I reminded myself that I ran a half marathon only a few months ago and my levels were much lower than they are now.     This does not mean that I’m giving up on the walk/run method.    This just means that I’ve realized that out of fear I may not have been pushing myself to do things that I should push myself to do.

It’s time I started remembering that no one knows what their day will bring and start facing it accordingly.

For now, I choose to embrace a new meaning of fear and once again try to live my life accordingly.   It won’t be easy and I’ve still got baggage to deal with, but I’m going to try.

 

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Again

One day at a time.

One run at a time.

 

Youth is wasted on the Young – not

They say that “Youth is wasted on the young” and that “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”   Now I’m not really sure who says these things but they are actually pretty right.

Seriously.

Think about it.

Think back (for me way back) to when you were a carefree kid.   When I was a kid I had extremely low confidence and body image.   Now when I look back on pictures from when I was a kid, I wonder what I was thinking of.   It took many years and really a lot of therapy to get to where I am today but I’m straying.

Youth is wasted on the young…..

I’ve been lucky enough recently to work on a elementary youth track program.   It’s a basic program as we do not have access to a track.   Plus the kids are only 9 and 10.   So really it’s about teaching them the fundamentals and encourage them to enjoy running.   I mean who doesn’t enjoy running?

At the same time I’m watching some of these kids discover that they actually enjoy running and can run fast, I read an article about “older runners.   It went onto say that after 50 it is harder to reach a PR (obviously), your body requires more recovery time, and apparently you just shrivel up.   So I may be stretching that last one a bit, but not much.    Apparently I’ve got 2 years to make the magic happen or call it a day.   Hmmm…

Now I’m not disputing these facts.   Running with 9 and 10 year olds that can whip out a 8 minute pace and then ask if that is good makes you scratch your head.   No pulled muscles.   No worries.   No recover.   Just run your mile and still have energy for a hearty game of tag.

They also don’t have the mental game.   The no overthinking.   No plotting.   No strategy.   Just run for the sake of running.

There is actually a lot of beauty in that.

Maybe we all need this simpler time.   This way when we are older and all the pressures of the world are right there, we can think back to a time when there was not thinking.

Just fun.

Just Run!

Where Do We Go From Here?

2016

Looking back to look ahead.   I’m ready for that now:)

2016 was a big year with lots of big event, small events, and lots of miles!   I had some lofty goals for 2016.   I had some attainable goals.   I had some reach goals too.   Overall, I think that I did good and I have a lot to be proud of, but how did I do with those goals that I threw down the gauntlet for?

2016 Goals

1.  My first big event of the year will be the New York City Half Marathon.   I’m going to throw the gauntlet down and say that I would like to do this race as a sub 2:00 event.   I don’t care if it is 1:59:59, I really want this.   I hear amazing things about this course.   I know NY crowds are awesome.   So this is the place I want to do it at.

Well I wasn’t kidding.   I came in at 1:58:59.   I had literally a minute to spare!!!   This was a great race and not just because I met my goal.   Running through NY Streets is an amazing experience.   I think I was able to make my goal not just because of my trianing but due to NY.   The crowds are amazing.   The feeling of running through Times Square and all the other iconic roadways makes for a great experience.   I would love one day to do this race again at a slower pace just to enjoy it at a slower pace.

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2.  Then I plan to build my endurance up and slow down to train for the Dirty German 50K which I already signed up to do in March.   I have no time goal for this, other than I want to finish it.   I want to have fun with it and I don’t want to die doing it.   Seems like a good goal to me:)

Going into Dirty German if you remember or are new to my blog, I had spotty training due to spraining my ankle on a night run.   I was able to keep up with my cardio with swimming and stationery bike, but it wasn’t the same.   That being said, I still felt ready for this event (not race because I wasn’t racing it!).   I did it.   7  hours, 7 minutes, and 18 seconds.   Not a bad day at all.   It was such an accomplishment and I really was so happy to cross that finish line!    I think this is another event that I wouldn’t mind getting another crack at as I would like to go in with more confidence than the spotty training gave me.   Who knows in a few years, when a friend and I both have our kids secured in colleges it might happen.   (hint, hint)

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3. Last year I didn’t run a lot of 5K’s.    This year since I’m not chasing the 9 plus 1, I would like to do more.   Since I’m already chasing a sub 2 half, I would like to see if I could chase that 25 minute 5K.   We will see.   We will see.

This is one that I didn’t hit the mark on, but I certainly gave it all I had to try.   I ran my fastest 5K to date at 26:26.   This was a 5K that I didn’t put a lot of thought into and that I almost didn’t run.   It was a spur of the moment decision.   It was hot if I remember correctly, but I ran like I was on fire.    I’m not sure if I’m topped out at this 5K speed, but I still dream of a 25 minute 5K.   Maybe one day.

4. Then lastly, I want to run the NYCM STRONG.   I want to finish this race knowing that I gave it all I got and couldn’t do anymore.    Ideally, I would like to do this in 4:30 WITHOUT walking.   I don’t know why the walking bothers me, but it does since it is not part of my plan.

I may not have run the NYCM I dreamed of, but I can sit here and say that I did run it strong.   I walked.   I walked a decent amount which will happen when you run the first half like a half marathon without thinking of the last 13 miles..   But I still ran it strong in the sense that I kept pushing.   I didn’t give up.   I did what I needed to do to get to the finish line.   Can’t really argue that is not a strong race.   It might not have been a smart race, but I ran it strong:)

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5. Lastly, I want to stay healthy.   I want to reach these goals without injury or pain outside of the normal pain that comes with running these distances.Oh and while doing all of this, run 1000 miles again for the year:)

Running wise, I did stay healthy.   I had the normal wear and tear that comes with pushing your body to the limits, but nothing requiring intervention and that new shoes couldn’t fix.    I did manage to squeak in and hit the 1,000 miles for the year coming in just at the 1,000 mark.   Nothing to sneeze at.

 

Looking back, I have much to be proud of.    Now it’s time to look forward.

 

Here are the numbers for the year…..

NYCM   11/06/16   4:56:04

Runner’s World Half Marathon    2:24:54

Runner’s World 10K    10/14/16     1:09:44

Runner’s World 5K     10/14/16          34:25

Sandy Hook Sprint Triathlon        9/11/16         1:59:00        *Run1 -21:48       1:13:50     19:12

*swim cancelled due to unsafe water conditions.   Added 3 mile run*

SP 5K                                                    6/23/16              26:26

NYRR Queens 10K                           6/18/16                59:14

Dirty German 50K                           05/15/16       07:07:18

St Barts 5K                                           4/9/16            27:20

NYC HM                                               3/20/16       1:58:59

Wathung Winter Tral 10K                 2/6/16       1:044:25

Watchung Winter Trail Marathon  1/19/16     6:30:08

 

 

Do You Know Where Your Going To?

Diana Ross sang it best and I still can hear her sing the words (Yes, I’m that old)

Do you know where you’re going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to, do you know?
Do you get what you’re hoping for?
When you look behind you there’s no open door.
What are you hoping for, do you know?

It’s been a roller coaster of emotions these last few weeks filled with ups and downs.  It’s made these words play through my mind more than once.

My family went on our annual family camping vacation.   Don’t crunch your nose up, camping really is fun in a back to nature kind of way.   Yes, there are downsides to sleeping in a tent for almost 2 weeks, but the good far out ways the bad.

Really

Here are just some examples of the good

Usually what is even better is this view comes with limited outside noise as there is no  available cell service or wifi in camp and when needed requires seeking it out and leaving camp.   Something, I try not to do to enjoy the peace and tranquility.   This year though this normal good thing did cause somewhat of a dilemma.

This year, time away from camp that would have been spent either running or biking was spent searching for the elusive signal usually followed by the question, “Can you hear me now?”

I gladly gave up this time as I’ve said before sometimes other things are just more important.   While away, sadly but not expectantly, my almost 92 year old grandmother passed away.    Training was not a priority.

Vacation wasn’t a bust, but it was different.    It had it’s ups and downs.   Then two days after we got back, yesterday, we laid my Grandmother to rest.

Today I finally went out on a run.   Not because it was in my schedule which I totally have been off, but because I needed to.

It was hot.   It was humid.   I had to get up early.   It sucked. It was hard.    All that being said, I needed it.   I met a friend for the first half of the run and it was good to run with her.   It is always good to run with her as miles don’t seem as bad when your chatting them away.   Then I ran her home where she refilled my water bottles and I was off again.   As much as I enjoyed running with my friend, I also enjoyed these solitary miles too.   It was nice to be with m own thoughts for a bit too.

The beauty of this run is that it really was just a run to run.   I kept the pace slow due to the heat.   I walked when I felt I needed to.   I stood in a sprinkler when I could find one.   There was no pace.   There was n plan other than to run 10 miles.   It is what I needed.

During the second part of the run, I had Diana Ross’s beautiful voice in my head with no answers.  I’ve been questioning where my running is taking me and what am I hoping for.    I’ve got no answers.   At this point, I plan to just keep plugging way.   Trying to get back onto a schedule.    Trying to find the drive that got me to where I am now, but it’s hard.    Part of me just wants to run to run.   No more training.   Nor more paces.   Just the freedom to run.  It’s not the normal, I’m tired of training that comes near the end of marathon training when it feels like a job.   This is different and I’ve been feeling this way for a bit now.

That being said, I have worked too hard to get where I am.    I am not giving up on running the NY City Marathon.   I’m just hoping to find the spark that started it all again.

I’m holding onto what my friend told me today.   It will come easier when the kids are back in school and I don’t feel like my running is interfering with family time.

Until such time, I will just keep running:)

 

 

Do You Know Where Your Going To?

 

 

 

Just Keep Moving…..

Just like there are peaks and valleys in life.   There are peaks and valleys in training.   Sometimes, you even get stuck in the valley.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.   We all have lives outside of our activities.   Sometimes it gives us the drive to get moving and sometimes it sucks it away.   I’m not talking about time management.   I’m talking the mental game.  We all know how that can make or break you.

I’ve missed a few runs these last few days.   I went out the other morning for my 8 mile cut-down and finished just shy of 4.  It wasn’t even close to the run that I was supposed to do.   Life outside of my running got in the way and I needed to take care of it.  Some things are more important than finishing your run.   Then the next day it was hotter than hell and I figured I would do my long run at night.   Night came and went with no long run.   Figured I would do it the next morning.   I got up for my run at the same time my 9 year old woke up.   We watched Sandlot together.   I figured I would do my run at night.  When the time came though, I didn’t go.

I just had no motivation to get out the door.

Now, we all know the dread we sometimes face when it’s time for a long run.   This is not my problem.  My scheduled run is only 12 miles which is not really a distance that I dread.   Seriously.     My problem with getting out is different.   I just don’t have the drive to go.

I’m as shocked as you are.

I’ve always been goal orientated, but now I’m like so so about my fall races.   Doesn’t make sense since one of them in the NYC Marathon.   What the Hell??!!?!

It really all started last month when I had a bit of a medical scare which thankfully turned out to be nothing.   It was enough time though for my mind to play the what if game.  Remember the race where I said If I could Shut up the Little Man Up?

I was like what does it all matter?

  Then i got my head back on again, but I still didn’t have my drive back.   I really wasn’t fully engaged mentally, but at least I was doing what needed to be done.   Now I’ve got some other things sucking away my drive.   Physically, I’m fine.  Mentally, I may need a tune up.

Nothing has really happened.  Nothing has really changed.   Yet, something is different.   It has taken a bit of my mojo away.

I also think what might not be helping is that I am dealing with the Summer Time blues.    Yes, I know that we all think that it is the Winter Blues, but to me, at least this summer, it is the Summer Time Blues.

Summer leads to lots of fun, but it also means lots of solo running which most of the time I like.   This year I’m missing the time with  my morning running Mama’s.    Maybe I’m avoiding my runs these last few days because the idea of running alone with my own thoughts is lonely.    Who knows.   Maybe I need this solo time to come to terms with things.     I also need some laughs, small talk, and just the fun that comes with running with them brings.

I’m going to force myself to get out the door tonight.   I might even do my 12.   Who knows.   What I do know is that maybe I’m just in need of getting away from it all.   Maybe I’m just getting too close to vacation.   Maybe I just nee to stop over thinking and without a doubt maybe I just need a run.

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