Tag Archive | change

The Unpleasant Truth

Everyone has something that they are afraid of.   Everyone knows that you can run from your fears, but you can’t hide from them.

  But what if……

What if sometimes the fear is just under the surface?

But what if……

What if instead of facing our fears that we just ignore them.   Pretend they don’t even exist?

Will that make them go away?

Reality and past experiences say no.

Someone recently asked me what is it that I’m afraid of when it comes to my running right now.   (I’m talking actual running not running away from my fears).   After thinking about it, I knew in my heart the answer.

The fear of not being good enough.

Once I had said this out loud, I knew the truth of my answer.   I had the answer before she even asked the question.   You see the night before, I had had a dream.  Seriously.   In my dream I went out to my car and ALL my running magnets were removed from the back of my car.

NO 50K

NO 26.2

NO 13.1

NO MRTT

Nothing………    Empty space where my pride used to be.

Silly dream, but it speaks volumes.    And then it begs to question, who do I have to be good enough for?   Not my family.   Not my friends.  Not my ever so supportive running community.  Not my co-workers.    Not the strangers along courses.  All  I need is to be good enough for me and why isn’t my best good enough?

It’s time to deal with the unpleasant truth.   A truth I’ve spoken of before, but still am grappling with I admit.    It’s not easy to let go of expectations realistically or unrealistically that you put upon yourself.    It’s not so easy to deal with unpleasant truths that you want to ignore.    And most of all when you finally face the unpleasantness of it all, you realize that you were holding onto things for all the wrong reasons.

letting-go

Truth

But letting go doesn’t mean giving up.   It doesn’t mean putting away my running shoes. It doesn’t mean pushing my limits.    It means letting go of the things that are holding me back.    I’m not talking about holding me back from PR’s or such.    I’m talking about holding me back from taking the next step.

Acceptance.

Yes, if it was that easy the world would be a better place.    But I’m talking about acceptance that things will be different and that’s ok.

I’m not a person of change.   I know this to be true.   My mother often asks me, “What’s new.”    I often respond, “Nothing and that’s a good thing.”   But the truth is that you have a choice in life, either change with it or live in the past and miss out on the possibilities of the future.

It’s time to look forward.   It’s time to change with the times.    It’s time to accept where I am today….

I am a woman who struggles due to her Hypoparathyroidism with limitations that I did not have before.  Pretending they are not there, will not make them go away.    I’ve been trying that and it hasn’t worked.   They are still there, but I make it look easy:):)

BUT

That does not mean I am not a runner anymore.   It just means that I need to learn to change.   Change expectations.   Change the way I train.    Change the way I run by embracing the run/walk method whole heartily this time.     Change is scary but sometimes necessary and often good.

It also means that you are open to new opportunities and I’ll be honest there is a new opportunity that I’m hoping comes my way.   One that if I accept that I need to be willing to change  to fully enjoy and experience.   (Yes, that’s a teaser:)

 

 

 

 

Living an Authentic Life

When you live an authentic life, you will have to deal with haters. Some you know in real life and some you only know in the virtual world.  Not really sure why that is except maybe they are not living as authentic life as they pretend to be.  Now I’m not saying that just because I live an authentic life, I put everything out there.   Frankly, I don’t.   Frankly, I don’t think that everything in my “real life” needs to be shared online especially because my blog is about my fitness journey.   But as far as my fitness journey goes, I put it all out there pretty much.   I think I’m up front and honest about my goals, my training, accomplishments, and even my failures.   Failures are part of life and anyone who pretends they have never failed at something obviously didn’t get out of their comfort zone.

comfortzone-cropI’ve been out of my comfort zone since I got off the couch.

Then there are the people who like to throw the stones.    These are the people who have something to say about everything except about themselves.

Starting on this journey 3 years ago was a major step for me.    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I was by no means the athletic child.   In my family, I was the heavy one.  I still remember the time my doctor put me on a diet and I was trying to sneak an extra packet of oatmeal for breakfast.  The horrors!    I’ll be authentic and honest and say that growing up I did struggle with confidence, self-image, and whole host of other issues.

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  Yup,

I’ll be honest, I don’t anymore.

Bathing Suit

It’s not that I think that I have a perfect body or am the best.  In all honesty, there is no such thing as perfect and those who strive for perfection will only end up seeing the flaws anyway. It’s sad really.   I reached the point in my life a long time ago where I realized to just  accept myself for who I am.   You know what?  There are a whole slew of people that not only accept me but think I’m pretty swell too.   I like me and that’s good enough for me. I am who I am now because of who I was then.  I have the drive and determination that I do now because of the struggles that I had then whether those struggles were real or self imposed.

I will honestly say that I have changed since I started running.   I’ve said it before.   I, also, think these changes have been positive for not just my health but my life in general.   It has brought so much to my life and I can not see a point in time where running won’t be in my life in the future.   It has become part of my life.   It is not just something that I do.   It has become part of who I am.

I am a runner.

Changes

Yes, there will always be those who do not want to recognize the changes and will continue to try to put you in the box you used to be in.   It bothers them when you go against what they expect of you. Yes, there are those who can not accept that you are allowed, encouraged, and supposed to grow and change in life.   It is the process of life.   The past can not be changed.    It can be accepted or used as a reason to not move forward.   I choose to move forward.

Do you live an authentic life?