Archives

Listening to My Body

May18

Yesterday was race day.

When I started training for the Brooklyn Half, I thought realistically that a 2:45 was not out of range with enough training. My last two prior half marathons have been just under 3 hours. So it was not unreasonable to think with push and training, it could happen. It was a reasonable A goal.

As you know, training had been going well right up until I hit a few speed bumps with my calcium. I missed some runs due to not feeling up to it and then there was the whole fiasco of the calcium crash.

In speaking to my doctor, she was advising on the side of caution. She thought it would be prudent not to run. In talking though, she said if I didn’t push and did a lot of walking that would be for the best.

That was the plan…..

So how did it go……. Here’s the recap

I prepared the night before. Carefully not only laying out my clothes, but also getting all calcium/meds ready to go. Taking extra just in case. I decided to go back to adding powdered calcium to my water. Thinking that I would take plain water at water stops which worked well. On top of that, I took a dose of my calcitriol/calcium at 4:00 am before leaving for city. I also upped my normal calcitirol dose at this time.

The morning of the race started off with alarm not going off leaving me 20 minutes to get ready which is why it is good to have everything ready to go. Nothing was forgotten.

Get into the city to find that the parking that NYRR said was available was not in deed available. That provided some added stress as we were parking at the finish line near Coney Island and then needed to take train to Prospect Park for the Start. We were lucky to find a small lot that actually was very reasonable at $20. Dawn was right when she said, “they could have charged double and we would gladly have paid.”

Then off to the trains to go to Prospect start. Get to the Corral for our 8:20 start time. Before the race started, I took my normal dose of calcium/calcitriol. Then go to start my watch and realize that for some reason my Garmin did NOT charge!!!!!!!

Now I wasn’t running for time. I was planning to listen to my doctor, but I’m still a runner and like my tracking. I also thought it would be good to keep me in check as I do tend to start off too fast in big races. I also run faster than I can maintain or should be, but it was what it was.

I was running all on feel.

It was strange not to have a watch to watch. Although out of habit, I looked at the blank screen several times during the race. I took off at what I felt was a comfortable pace. I was feeling good. Then at the 5k water stop, I saw the 2:45 pace group and realized thats not where I should be.

I had to remind myself that my goal this race what not so much a time, but to keep my levels in the zone. I also realized that the conditions were very similar to the day I had the big crash. It was HOT. It was HUMID. The heat is not my friend. I was sweating.

With exercise everyone burns through calcium, but their bodies usually replenish by taking from bones. No worries though because this is a normal process and is actually good for bone health. For those of us with Hypoparathyroidism, this does not happen. There is no calcium regulation. So as our body burns up the calcium through sweat and heavy exercise, it must be manual added with our supplements and meds. Downside is that we just have to make educated guesses when to add.

Yesterday I hit it right – with the added meds and I do think the added calcium in the water. My doctor said it takes about 20 minutes for the meds to hit which is why it is important to add before feeling low. So thats what I did.

So I ran by feel. I walked a lot. I reminded myself that I did a lot of walking in training. When I walked, I power walked. When I ran, I ran by feel.

As you can see I did start off too fast. I adjusted. There were times that I thought I could/should run and push myself. I reminded myself that I needed to finish a smart race. A race that was more about being smart. I had no idea what time I was going to finish, but honestly this was my B goal.

It was a good day. A day to prove that I can do hard things.

Numbers, Numbers, Numbers

Aug11

This past week I feel good about all that I accomplished. Going into this training plan, I recognized that I would not be able to follow it to perfection. that being said, I do want to follow the training days if possible even if I don’t follow the miles. I feel for a variety of reasons that it is not in my best interest to run every run. I plan to substitute biking for running, some elliptical and who knows maybe even swimming. The swimming might be a stretch.

As I’ve said before, this plan is to train to run on tired legs. Ha! Anyway, I only missed one workout this week. I did switch training days, biked instead of ran, and just did what needed to do.

I am trying to go into this training also by not adding any extra calcium to my daily intake. When I first became hypopara, I trained like I had no issues. To be honest, I had not because I was keeping my serum calcium levels up, adding extra calcium for long runs and just going about business as usual. Right up until I took my first 24 hour urine test and it was well over 500. I’ve adjusted, but since being Hypopara the only time my 24 urine test came back normal was when I was on Natpara. As for now, levels while still hi9g are in the mid 300’s. I’ve been lucky so far not to have nay issues with these high levels. Except, of course, for the anxiety it brings.

So with my training, I don’t want to add extra calcium just for the sake of adding it. I’m will add if necessary if I feel like my levels are dropping. You know that whole guessing game since there is no at home calcium test. Anyway, this means I will try to plan my training around when I’m taking my pills. So far so good. I’m sure once I go for longer runs I will need to adjust. Adjust here. Adjust there.

Sunday run. Taking on some hills too.
Literally dripping when done

I have been also working on controlling pace. A work n progess

This week coming up, I already know instead of an 8 mile run that I will turn that into a 24 miles on the bike. From what I could find online the ratio is 3 bike miles to 1 running miles. That is what I’m going with.

Felling good. Tired, but a normal tired and that is all I can ask for. I’m falling asleep as I type this, so I think it’s time to say goodnight.

Training smarter…. Not harder….. we shall see

Bringing My A Game

Mar19

When I worked with a running coach a few years ago, she always had me come up with 3 goals prior to an event.

A Goal – A goal within reach, but one that you need to work for

B Goal – A doable goal

C Goal – What is the minimum that you will be happy with.

So for the NYC Half, I kept these goals to myself. I knew going into my training that I really would like to run the half in under 3 hours. While training, I did not train for this goal so much as realize that this was within reach if I pushed just enough. I mostly trained by feel and heart rate. I made sure to do my training runs at a push and my long runs slower than I felt I could push. I always wanted to finish a training run like I could do more if needed. I usually did too.

One thing that I was very conscious of during my training is that I did not want to add extra calcium. What I tried to do was to time my daily calcium in a way to incorporate into my runs.

It has taken me some time since my surgery to get to this point, but I finally finally finally came to the mindset of………. I want to run, but I need to run smart. All the time. I can not push the pace to the point where I need to add more calcium. While it temporarily will feel right, long term it is not for me.

Since my surgery, I have been fighting high urine calcium levels. At it’s highest it was 578. (For those not Hypopara and unfamiliar anything over 250 is high. For Hypopara, your doctors try to keep it in around 300)……. Now it was at the highest, when I was taking .5 calcitriol twice a day with calcium through out the day. I also took extra calcium to run runs the way that pushed my body. My levels have come down, but even with being careful they are steadily going back up. I am currently at levels over 350.

So what does this mean…… basically these higher levels are hard on my kidney’s. I am lucky that currently I have had no kidney issues; BUT I say this as my kidney functions have moderate loss of function. Not enough that I would notice, but until a PTH (Parathyroid Hormone that regulates calcium & phosphate in body) I will need to continue to take medication to regulate. These help me function like a normal person but also are hard on the kidneys. I am not willing to push my kidneys to the limit to run a pace that matters to no one.

Seriously, who cares about my pace?

For a while after my surgery, I did. I wanted to maintain where I was prior to surgery. I wanted to pretend that the surgery and Hypopara didn’t change me, but the truth of the matter it did. It was also about pride. I wanted to run the paces that I could. No lie, I did enjoy pushing myself. Running a Sub 2 half (prior to surgery). Running 9 minute paces. Being a front of the middle runner.

Guess what?

I am no longer a mid pack runner. I am a back of the pack runner. I am starting in the last wave and in some cases the last corral.

Here is what I’ve come to realize though……

I am starting. I am running…… I am still me. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride. Put it aside and know that it only matters to you. When I was able to put pride aside, I was able to train where I am and not where I wanted to be. I was able to train smart. To listen to my body. To run smarter and not harder. By doing that, I was able to actually do what I wanted to do.

I put pride aside. I made a realistic goal. If I hadn’t made it, I would have been ok. But the fact that I made it shows that I am doing what I need to do. Most of all, I did it by working smarter and not harder.

So what does this mean….

This means more running in my future. I even signed up for a fall race. One that I did previously. The Hat Trick. A 5k & 10K on a Saturday followed by a half on Sunday.

Crazy?

Yes.

Exciting?

You bet…. Can’t wait.

Stay tuned because believe it or not, there is more to talk about regarding the NYC Half. Although this is enough for today.

Be Brave (Take 2)

Mar6

Take 2! The first published before it saved changes. Those who I text regularly could recognize my crazy voice and fat finger typing without editing……. Plus, I hate when editing does not change:)

Anywho….

Consistency is key to anything. Repetition is what takes something and makes it learned behavior. Think when you learned your multiplication tables. Who remembers those drills, pop quizzes and all those practice, practice, practice. (yeah, maybe that was just me since math was never my forte). You didn’t learn them from osmosis or at least I didn’t. You’ll learned them because you continually worked on them. Practiced until it became instant recall. My son in college seems to be doing this with formula’s I couldn’t even begin to tell you what they are called, let alone their purpose. During the pandemic many took up baking bread. As a baker, I can attest the more you do so the better the end product. Baking bread to many was like a science experiment with many complicated but necessary steps. Over time it became easier to tell when kneading was done. When your dough had the the right texture,and eventually could just do it by feel. There was no second guessing, you just knew.

The same consistency is required with training and creating a workout routine. For most, we need to schedule time for your workout because it is not part of the routine nor necessarily something we are looking forward to (yet) . Eventually with consistency it becomes part of you and it feels strange if you miss it. I’ve mentioned before how my husband transformed himself with loosing weight through the tried and true method of diet and exercise. In the beginning, it was challenge but now he couldn’t imagine a day where he was not doing something physically active. It has become part of him and he looks forward to one of his daily workouts.

It takes bravery to step out and try something new. It takes bravery to commit to something. To put yourself out there no matter how far or near out there you may go. It takes bravery and commitment to say you are going to do something and then actually do it. Even if it isn’t working for you, it is so much easier to stay in the same place. There is comfort in the uncomfortableness of the known because while it may suck at least you know what you are dealing with. To stay with what is comfortable even if it is not where you want to be instead of tiptoeing into the unknown…… So no matter how hard it is to stay in one place, it is always so much harder to take the first step and then the second.

Consistency is needed in beginning of any plan. It is necessary until it becomes part of you.

Some will go far.

Some will go as far as they can.

Some will go fast.

Some will go as fast as they can.

Pace….. Distance…. Events…..

The most important thing is to be true to yourself. With that thought process, I’ve been plugging away on my half marathon training plan. I’ve been sticking to the program which I admit is much easier to do with a treadmill now. I used to hate treadmill running (and part of me still does), but since I’ve discovered watching shows on Netflix while running it isn’t bad. I also credit the treadmill with allowing me to reboot my training and keeping me in check with where I should be running for that reason alone I owe it some love. That being said, you can’t race from a treadmill which means you need to also do some training outside.

This week for the first time since I started following my Half Marathon training plan, I took the run outside. I didn’t watch my watch, but wanted to test myself and run by feel. I wanted to keep the run conversational for the most part, but also make it a worthwhile training run. So I chatted with myself. Tested how I felt and kept myself where I thought I should be running. Hours later I looked at my paces and info from my run and I surprised myself. I hit the paces that I should be hitting. I actually had surprisingly beautiful negative splits. Most of all and this is the best part…… I enjoyed the run. There was no beating myself up because I wasn’t hitting certain paces, that I was running too slow or any such thing. There was knowledge that I was doing what I should be doing and that was enough.

Sometimes that is more than enough. I know that if I pushed myself that I could hit faster paces, but for now this is not a tradeoff I am willing to make right now. I also realized that this was enough. It is always enough. I might actually be able to push myself faster and harder, but the cost to do so is one that I am no longer willing to pay. We all have to decide what we want. What we are willing to give up. What we are willing to trade off. What we are willing to work for and what is not worth the work. These are individual choices that no one can make for us. There is no one size fits all and that is ok.

What choices are you making today? Remember not making a choice is still a choice, so choose wisely my friend

Walking, Walking, Walking…..

Jun27

Those who have been around a while know that I became the Accidentally Running Mama by accident.   Hence the name.   This blog and my running really was just to track and share my training for what was supposed to be the one and done Iron Girl Sprint Triathlon.   Obviously it took a life of it’s own and here we are.

Now though I am making a conscious decision to purposely become the accidentally walking Mama.

Say what?????

I’ve talked before how I can’t get a handle on my paces.   Running too fast.   Then needing to stop and walk.   Repeat.   Repeat.  Repeat.   There was a time where I could do negative splits without really looking at my watch.   I just knew by feel and adjusted accordingly.   Now I’m just so jerky with being fast and then slow and can’t get a handle on it.

I am not concerned about pace, so it’s not like I am trying to intentionally run faster paces.   It’s not like I even care about my pace or as we know not training for anything.   I just lost the ability to regulate it.   After a jerky run where my fastest pace was 7:16 (even if it was for a second), I had an epiphany.    I learned to regulate my pace because I was in touch with what my body could do and in tune with it.

Right now I’m out of tune.

At last years New York City Marathon I ended up doing a very brisk powerwalk for most of the race.   This explains my 6:10 finish time.    The thing is when it was over, I still crossed the finish line.   I still got a medal.   I still did what I set out to do.   I felt all the joy, elation, and pride of completing the NYC Marathon.  The next day though, I felt the effects of powerwalking a race that I was trained to mostly run.   Walking got the job done, but it does engage your leg muscles differently than running and I was sore in a different way from running.

I also was thinking about what I need to do to complete the NJ Virtual Parkway challenge.   I’ve got 18 days and about 60 miles to go.    So that averages out to 3.33 miles a day.    I can’t run that every day but I know I can walk it.   A challenge is a challenge and I never back down from one which you can view as good or bad.

I know that when I am out and about, I am going to want to run.   I’ve already gone for 2 walks and had to pull myself back.    I am going to feel like I should be running.   I am going to tell myself… Just this once and try to sabotage this quest to just walk thinking I should be doing more.   The truth is I think this is right want I need to be doing and am planning to stay firm.

I need to go back to the very, very beginning.   Not going back to couch to 5k, but the very very beginning.   Then I can do C25K to start running again.  As it is, I am heavier than I was back in 2013 when I started training for that Sprint Triathlon.   This will allow me to both finish my virtual challenge and get expectations (even internal ones) off the table.

So for now, I am out and about walking.   Not strolling like I’m on the boardwalk, but like I’ve got to get home before the storm comes in.   As a runner, it is important to stay true to your abilities.   True to where your body is on any given day.   True to what you need to do.   Often we push past what we should do in the name of vanity, in the name of meeting a goal, in the name of trying to be better.   Sometimes it works.   Sometimes we crash and burn.

Right now I am on my way to meeting my goal.   I know that I don’t need to do this step back to meet it, but I think it might be the smartest way to both meet it and give my body the reset it needs for my running.   As I said in my last post this is the year to regroup, refocus, and adjust.    I want to run.   I’ve got dreams of another 50K one day (seriously, why can’t I shake that one – I am trying).    If I want to be able to get to where I am going, I need to go back to the beginning.

I’ve also come to the realization that if I want to get back to the longer distances then I’m going to need to incorporate more walking. So this will help me find not just my running stride but my walking stride. Walking with a purpose

So here we go……

 

 

Great Expectations

Jan30

We all have expectations in life. Great expectations. We all have a vision of how we want our life to be. Expectations are good, but what happens when life doesn’t live up the vision of what we think it should be? This leads to disappoint and sand ness.

All those years ago, actually only 7, when I started on my fitness journey there was no expectations.    I didn’t know what my body could do.   I didn’t know what a good time for an event was.    Hell, I really didn’t know anything….. Except that I wanted to do something.     Because I was starting from zero, I put no expectations on myself.   I jokingly said that my only goal with my first ever race, Iron Girl Sprint Tri, was not to die.   To me that was enough of a goal and anything after that was a win.

There was no… I should hit this many miles. I should hit this pace. I should do this or that for training. I knew nothing, so I expected nothing.

When I ran my first ever half which I signed up for because I was running just to run with my MRTT (Mom’s Run This Town) Mama’s. I was running 8 miles and more just to run them. Then on one run one of the Mama’s, Janna, said, ” You should sign up for the Superhero Half. Your ready for it.”

So I did. I had no expectations. I just showed up for the car ride to the event. While in the car, the seasoned runners spoke of pacing, race strategy, fueling and such. When they asked me mine, I had none. My goal was to finish.

Thanks to Janna who took me under her wing, I finished in 2:09. She knew about pacing and she also knew that I could finish in under 2:10 and she got me there. I just ran when she made me run and had a fun time doing it.I further admit that I didn’t even know that 2:09 would be a good time for a half. To me it was just about running to run and having a good time.

Then something happened, I started putting expectations on my running.   I also became ” a serious” runner.    I learned of pacing, training strategy, and proper fueling and for a while I even had a kick ass coach.   And while I still enjoyed running, it lacked the simplicity of when I first started.  I put expectations on myself and I was able to live up to my expectations right up until I couldn’t which was right after my thyroid surgery left me with Hypoparthyroidism.   And even after I came to terms with that, I still put expectations on myself.   Expectations that I could no longer meet.

You know what? I’m done with expecations! I want to find the joy that I had when I first started running.    I want to stop overthinking, overanalyzing, and just find the joy in allowing my body to do what it can do.   No matter the pace.   No matter the distance. 

The thing that screws us up so much in life is not accepting what we have and being upset it’s not what we think it should be. Sometimes getting out of our own way is the best thing that you can do. Sometimes you have to make a conscience decision to let things go, to reassese, and just allow what is to be enough.

With this thought process, I had picked the Hal Higdon Novice 1 training plan for the NJ Half at Rutgers.   No, I admit, I am not a novice runner; but I want to be.   I want to run with no expectations.   I have been so focused on doing what I thought I should do that I was missing out on what I could do. I am going back to seeing what my body can do.   To discovering where I am today.   And while I may have had this thought in the last 3 years I really have not embraced it in my running.    I am now. 

You know what?….. I’ve been enjoying my 2 training runs so far.   I have just been running to run.   No expectations.   No watching the pace.   Just letting my body decide.   It’s been good.   The runs have felt good.    I have felt good and the bonus is that both runs had negative splits which will not be the expectation nor will it be.  

So I will be happy to run where I am today. Not where I was 3 years ago. Not where I think I should be. Not where other people are. Not about pace. Not about anything, but enjoying where I am at this point and that will be enough.

Run Where You Are

Oct26

As a runner, often you know that you need to push through things. You need to push your body to the limit knowing that it can go one step further. This is what we train for. This is what we know. This is what gets us to the finish line….. If…….and only if……. if we listen to our body.

As a runner, we also know that the starting line is our biggest challenge. You don’t just get there but train to get to the start line. Your excited. Your filled with energy. The gun goes off and your feet begin to fly. When running a short race, it is usually ok to fly like the wind. Let your feet move because if trained, the distance will be no issue. This is not the same for a marathon which is a different animal.

You must run where you are and not where you want to be. The gun goes off, you must pace yourself. There is no going out too fast and thinking you can bank time for the end. There is no pushing hard in the beginning only to push harder in the end. The truth of the matter is if you go out too fast, too hard; you will crash and burn. You may hold it together to finish, but usually it is not pretty and any time you think you banked in the beginning is lost at the end.

You ask how do I know this? Well I’ve been there. Done that. My first NYC Marathon before becoming Hypopara, I had a coach. I was trained for a 4:30 marathon. I blew it. I ran the first half of the marathon like there wasn’t a second half and it shows. I came off the first bridge and I took off like a bat out of Hell hitting paces that I had no business hitting that early in the race. Somehow I thought it would all work out until it didn’t.

Case in point…

I held it together….. Barely.

The beauty of having made this mistake then is that now I can use it as a learning experience of what not to do. Even more so now, I need to get out of my own way and be smart. I have to run where I am today and not where I want to be which is back to 2016 pre hypopara. I know…. Boo hoo me, I can’t hit these faster paces. But in my mind, I still think that I can. Which is the problem. My body has other ideas.

Here’s the thing too. I know that if I maintain a pace between 11:30 and 12:00 in the beginning, that not only will I have a better day but my body will cooperate. As my cohort told me the other day and I will paraphrase as it was a long wonderful, much needed conversation, “you’ve got a lot going on right now. You need to listen to your body because even though every runner pushes themselves to the limit. If you push too far, your might not be able to finish because of your medical stuff.”

And that right there is the truth of it. I was able to bounce back in 2016, because I didn’t need to worry about anything else except getting to the finish line. I knew my body would be able to do it and I knew that I could push it without fear. Ehhh, not so much now. I know that I can still push myself, but I also know that there is more to think about. I also know that I can push on shorter runs than longer ones.

So I need to get out of my own head. I need to pay attention to when to add not just fuel but calcium. I need to know that my illness is not in my head, but a real thing in my body and I need to be mindful of it. I need to realize that going out “slow” is smart. I need to tap into the knowledge that I have from doing this race in the past and use that so that I can run a smart race. I know even with the hiccups at the end with my feet, that I am ready for this race.

I just need to run the race and the pace that I should run. I need to run where I am today and not yesterday. I need to run so that there is reserve in the tank to smile as I cross the finish line. I need to fully embrace the mantra, your race, your pace and know it to be true. Most of all, I need to (and am) grateful that I am able to do this no matter how hard it will be.

I am blessed.

I am trained.

I am ready.

It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

Well That Was Unexpected

Mar30

I admit that I really did not know what to expect today. I went into this as you know with no plan. No expectations and just a wanting to run. I honestly thought that I would run too fast and end up having to carry myself to the finish, but I didn’t. The weather played nice and it was one of those beautiful Spring days where it is sunny and comfortable which made my choice of a tank and shorts perfect. I was wearing it anyway, but at least no one questioned it:)

I prepared for the race by resting yesterday, taking my meds before the race and having Cal-ez in my water to keep things stable. I got to the event early because I wanted to be able to park and also because I got the start time wrong by 1/2 hour. Better to be too early than too late. Getting there early allowed me to do some pre race stretching, chat with friends, and just do my favorite people watching. As the race was getting closer, I kept the plan of just running. So I did.

Luckily this course starts on a small uphill which does keep you in check because you think about it. This race has a lot of young kids running and they all take out like it’s a sprint. I found myself in the beginning running in the 9’s and I knew that would not work. So I slowed it down to a pace where I was still pushing but felt like I might be able to maintain. Good choice.

I did not watch my watch once I set my pace until the mid point. Then I looked at the time, I thought to myself…… I just might be able to be under 35 minutes. So I kept on running. I did walk up through a water stop. Then towards the end where I knew there was a short hill. When I was close to the top, I started walking but then realized once I turned it was downhill to the finish line.

So I ran. I ran hard. I ran fast. I ran through the finish line and when I finished I thought I wanted to Puke. My friend Robyn would be proud because that means that I was giving it all I had at least that is her theory. I am just happy that I didn’t throw up because their is apparently a stomach virus running through the High School with almost 200 kids out which, of course, meant discussion on town page. I thought to myself if I throw up they will all think I have the stomach bug and that will be another Facebook post and chaos to the 5k as people run away. So I walked it off and thankfully held it all together.

Not only did I hold it together, but it looks pretty with those negative splits.

Official Finish time: gun 31:38. chip 31:18

I’ve got to say that I didn’t think I had this in me. A friend replied to my Facebook post, “She’s Back.” And while I might dispute that comment, I can not deny how pleased I am with how I finished especially because I have not been training for time. I do think that what I am learning is that I need to stop thinking so much and as the saying goes… Shut up and run.

It was a good morning followed by a great day of recovery which I will chat about tomorrow:)

Racing to the Finish Line

Mar29

As you know, I’ve completed my Couch to 5 K program. Although I have now run a 5K on my own now, I have not “officially” completed a 5K race since finishing the program. Tomorrow I will run a local 5K.

I’m running it because I like this race. It supports a local parish in town which is nice, but it also has the benefit of a nice fairly flat course. Plus I will know people running it too. Plus, I want to run a 5K again.

I’ve run this 5K twice. Once in 2014 where I finished in 27:17 and once in 2016 finishing in 27:20. Tomorrow my goal is to finish in under 35 minutes and if I’m really lucky and push it tremendously I would LOVE to finish in under 30 minutes. I don’t think that is going to happen, but a girl can dream.

Do I have a plan?

Nope.

Am I going to pace myself?

Nope

Am I being smart?

That’s debatable…….

Don’t worry Mom, I am preparing:) I’m adding Calez to my water which I will carry to keep my calcium levels up. I will take my meds earlier tomorrow before the race too.

Here’s the thing. Yes, I know that part of my running issues right now are health related and who knows what will happen once the Natpara starts. Maybe I will be able to train the way I used to, but really that comes secondary or third or fourth or fifth on the list. That being said, even without the physical aspect of being slower, in looking at my times on Athlinks I realized that my best times for running (minus the sub 2 half that I had a coach train me for), my best times, were when I just went out and ran with no plan. No thoughts. No set pace. I realize that I overthink which for some when running makes them a better runner. For me it might cause self doubt, un-realized self sabotage, and just giving up. Shocking, I know.

I need to get out of my own way. Remember the whole point of going back to C25K was to go back to basics. Well that also (for tomorrow) means just running to run. Running to push myself. Running to test my limits. Running to see how far I can push myself and at the end of the day have a realistic concrete idea of where my body is at and what it can do.

So I plan to start at the finish line and just run. Run just for the fun of it because I am not by any means hoping to PR for this event or my 5K PR of 26:26. It has been so long since I pushed myself and if I can push myself to a 30, 35, or even a 45 because I push too far and have to walk at least I will know where I am at.

Sometimes just knowing where you are at is all you need. And yes, there is a part of me that dreams that I will finish in a stellar time, but that is not the reality and you’ve got to have dreams. I need to take a chance to believe that I can push myself again because honestly I have been afraid of pushing too far.

Besides I plan to use what I learn tomorrow for future training that will be beginning in the near future, but we can talk about that after tomorrow.

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do even it it’s hard. Tomorrow is going to be hard but maybe it’s good to remind myself that I can do hard things!

Run Where You Are

Sep8

Less than 2 months now.

Wow.

Yikes.

Um…

I will say truthfully that I am feeling confidents in my mish mash of training.   I’m feeling strong.   Not strong like I am going to have an amazing race and PR.   I mean strong like I know that I can and will cross the finish line.   I actually feel quiet calm this go around.  Strange I know.

The other day I went out for just 3 miles.   Since it was a short run, I didn’t really watch pace.   I just let it go and I know that in the beginning I was running too fast, but again I knew it was a short run.    I also thought that even though I haven’t doing training this way, I would consider it a speed workout.   At least I was smart enough to continue the walk/run method.

Here is the thought that I had when out on this run and what I have decided will be my mantra for the beginning of the marathon.

RUN WHERE YOU ARE

NOT WHERE YOU WANT TO BE!

Seriously!  This is what I need to remember.   I was thinking about  when I ran the NYCM in 2016.   I was working with a coach.   I was trained.   I was ready.   I still crashed and burned (see the wall at mile 20)  because I ran the fist half like there was no second half.   I let the crowds carry me.   I let myself get swept up in the excitement of it all.   And let’s be clear, it is exciting.    I have run 5 marathons so far and while each one is special, there really is no bigger party than I have experienced than the NYC Marathon.   It is easy to get swept up which I allowed to happen last time.

 

RUN WHERE YOU ARE

NOT WHERE YOU WANT TO BE!

Here’s the thing, it is so easy to get caught up.   It is easy to tell yourself that you can…

  • Bank the time
  • You can do it
  • I’m not running too fast
  • It’s not a big deal

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

  • There is no banking time when you hit the wall.
  • Unless you’ve trained at paces, don’t use them in a marathon
  • See above
  • It is a big deal when you hit that wall.

So my objective, my goal, my mantra is to be realistic.   When I ran Chicago, in the back of my mind I was not realistic.   I was still trying to push paces that I was not able to maintain especially since it was a very hot marathon.   I am being real with myself.   I know that I can do this, if and only if I listen to my body.   I listen to the voice that is writing this post and tune out the other one that is not always thinking clearly:)

I will say that I am making a deal with that voice.   I’ve told her that if she lets me run a smart race, a race that I’ve trained for at a pace I’ve trained at; I will then be able to let her run the last few miles.   When at my peak I listened to the wrong voice, the last few miles were a beast.

Time to be smart.  Be ready and get it done.

MarathonMeme