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Too Much of a Good Thing

I’ve met with the registered dietician on Friday. This was our second meet up after a consultation with her last month to see if we would be a good fit. She is a registered dietician and nutritionalist who also has a focus on endocrine and kidney disorders (Hello Hypoparathyroidism!). After our first meet and greet, we thought food tracking might be beneficial as it is hard to really make changes until you know what needs to be changed. Seems resonable!

So tracking I have tried to do. I even bought a year of myfitnesspal as a motivator. Now tracking is NOT hard because they really do make it easy. What is hard is telling yourself that you will track something later and then not doing so. Then the days where you know you are going to eat like a High School wrestler hoping to bulk up for his weight class. I have not been perfect but I have been fairly constent and as with everything in my life, I am trying to do better

Here is to trying to do better!

One thing that was very obvious is that I am not eating enough protein. Now for kidney issues, I am really supposed to avoid animal proteins which as a pescatarian I was already doing. That being said, plant based proteins are important especially when trying to create an exercise routine with good muscle recovery….

My bad.

Another thing that became VERY obvious is that I am eating way, way, way too many carbohydrates. Let me just say way one more time. Let’s admit it though. Carbs are tasty. Carbs are easy to grab on the go. Plus not all carbs are bad, but too many carbs is still too many carbs especially when not paired properly.

Case in point a random day in September where I tracked my whole day.

Not necessarily hitting my targets. Sometimes even when we think we are eating heatlhy, overal we are not getting all we need or too much of what we need. In talking with the dietician, it became apparant that there is too much of a good thing. Such as my morning smoothie. I was going with the add as much fruit as possible which is not really the way to go.

Sonal, dietician, asked me; “If you had to sit down to eat everything that you put in your smoothie for one meal, could you?”

The answer was a resounding no. The baker in me loves creating and I was using my smoothies for an outlet, but it really was too much. I am normally a too much kind of person. Lol. She suggested limiting the smoothie to 2 fruits taking into account the could I eat it all in one sitting mantra. Also making sure to add some protein to the smoothie in the form of a powder or food source (chia seeds, nut butters). Also adding some filling fiber such as oats, flax seeds and spinach. I can work with that! Kind of have been doing it, but in an over the top way.

Sometimes less is more of what we need and I’m trying to remember that.

While this morning smoothie was carb heavy, I also knew that it would be followed by a long bike ride and run. But it was also a good balance of protein and fiber. Balance.

Just Doing My Best

I wake up tired.

I am tired all day.

I fall asleep on the couch…..tired

I don’t always sleep well in bed though.

Could be age. You know having to get up for the bathroom.

Could be damn Cpap machine that gurgles, hisses and is stuck on my head.

Could be the hypopara muscle aches and all the fun that goes with it.

Could be mind spinning and spinning.

Who knows. Sleep is a mysterious thing which is why I assume there are so many books about it. That being said, all this tiredness makes for an unmotivated not moving as much as I should be person.. All I know is that I am not alone in my struggle. The struggle is real and so many of us go through it.

i will be honest too…… Staying on track is hard. Staying motivated may be even harder. The why bother it never works devil is real. The does it really make a difference voice is loud. The does it even matter whispers are shouts. What is the point is the biggest struggle. Round and round and round it goes till you are paralysed into doing nothing.

nothing.

nothing

nothing.

No plan.

No blogging to keep yourself honest.

No coming up with goals but finding so many excuses.

Now here me out……… Some of these “excuses” are vaild. Many of them are real making what feels like an impossible situation like climbing a mountain without gear. I often forget though…..

I can do hard things!

I have done hard things.

Now the question I have to seriously start asking though…….

Do I want to do them?

What is the benefit of doing them? What is the detriment of not doing them? And the absolute hardest question….. Why am I afraid of doing them? Of making a plan…… of sticking to it…. Of being willing to falter….. of doing something even if I am the only one who cares that I am doing it?

The truth boils down to….. Fear of failure. Fear of stating that something I strive for might be out of reach…. We don’t stop growing because we fail, we stop growing because we stop trying.

I, once again, might be ready to face reality and try. There are some truths to. I have medical condition that makes trying harder some days them others. I am a home baker. There will be snacks but I can adjust. I am a middle age woman with the metabolism of a dead person. I need to move more and make excuses. I need to at the very least try.

Goal #1

I need to eat healthier.

Goal # 2

I need to move in a more constent manner and come up with a plan.

Goal # 3

I need to make myself accountable. For me that will mean documenting it all. The struggles. The small (and hopefully) big victories and just be real that it isn’t always going to work. So I need to adjust and not give up.

While this morning, I did weigh myself and take measurements, weight is not the goal. More importantly, the numbers that I need to improve…. Cholesterol, calcium, kidney function and the rest will work itself out.

so here is to trying!

Getting it done!!!!

Today I finished a Sprint Triathlon that I’ve been loosely training for but steady enough that I felt confident that it was enough. This was not the race that I envisioned but was definitely the one I should have expected for several reasons…. Training being a key one.

I have been swimming. I have been biking. I have been running. I just might not have been doing enough nor did I do enough brick type workouts. I also realized that I never did one that incorporated swimming.

Here is the breakdown

Weather was literally picture perfect. Not to hot. Not to cold. Seriously just right.

The water looked calm to me, but that might have been because previous tri’s had extremely choppy waters. No wicked white caps of the past. To me it looked calm but hubby thought it looked choppy. Eye of the beholder I guess. Water temp was also perfect. Not shocking to walk in. So I got in the water feeling confident. Right up until I put my face in the murky water and a womans foot was kicking towards me. Luckily she did not connect. Then at the same time, a woman next to me started yelling “lifeguard. I need a lifeguard.” Then she was like “nevermind, I’m ok.” She may have been but I wasn’t. It really freaked me out and the rest of the swim was not so much a swim with all swim training going out the window, but an I’ve got to keep my head above water so I can keep saying WTF, WTF, WTF. I did no breaststroke. No butterfly. No backstroke. I ended up doing a combo of doggy paddle, sidestroke, and flailing in the water. I think lifeguards might have notice my non swimming swim as I noted one that seemed to follow me on his paddle board and then as I got clost to end was like “you’ve got this.” Lol

And I did….. Pulled myself out of the water. EXHAUSTED as I did not have a smart swim that didn’t expel a lot of energy. Shockingly I was 10:57 which I would have sworn was at least 20.

Get myself into transition and my head is not on straight. I am not thinking straight. I am exhausted. I am just thinking, put shoes on and go. Forget to put water on bike that had calcium in it (mistake). Don’t’ drink anything since I think I have my waterThrow a couple of jelly beans in my mouth and off I go. (1:04)

Almost immediately I feel how dead my legs are and the how exhuasted I am from swim. My lips start to tingle. I am just on autopilot. While biking, I did NOT pass one person but continuously heard “on your left.” To be honest during first lap, I thought I would not finish. I was contemplating stopping, But I didn’t. I just kept peddling and going. The volunteer at the turn around was saying, “slow down turn ahead.” I told him that if I slowed down anymore, I would be stopped. He said, “your are moving faster than those sitting at home.” So I kept going. 3rd and final loop, a 67 year old woman Kathy rode with me for a bit and we chatted. Then she passed me but I kept her in site. I made it to the finish of the bike as the last rider in making the elites look like elites. (1:07:43)

This time in Transition I remembered to drink some gaterade and more importantly talk some of calcium and my calcitriol. Contemplated stopping to use bathroom but figured if I stopped, I would never start. So off I went. (2:08)

With jello legs, I left for the “run.” Although I might actually call this a walk with purpose with short sprints of a run like you do when in a crosswalk and a car is coming. At this point, I knew no matter what, I would get to finish line. Part of me felt like I should push, but the part of the brain that deal with reality won out. There was no need to push myself to the point where it wouldn’t be good. This was not the day for that.

The last mile, I reconnected with Kathy and shadow followed her for a bit. We reconnected the last leg and walked for a bit. Then when we neared the finish, we ran. She asked if I wanted last or second to last as we were last on the course. I said, I would take pride in being last. We crossed the finish line together and hugged at the end. It was perfect! (44:22)

2:06:12

I seriously take pride in finishing. Done is done and that is all that matters!

Holding Yourself Back

In trying to figure out. Trying to come up with a plan. Trying to put the pieces together when I always feel like one is missing. Trying… Trying… Trying……One day I might know until then, keep working on –

How to move forward….

How to get back and stay on track…. (Does anyone ever stay on track?).

How to reach goals that I have been putting off setting….. ( Because if you set a goal, then that means you have to make a plan. If you make a plan, then you need to be accountable for following that plan)

I realized something…….. Once again, I was putting myself in a holding pattern.

Hear me out……..

I realize that once again I’ve been living in fear. I’ve been waiting for the shoe to drop. Funny thing is once started to drop, I realized that while there is a lot that I have no control of that by pretending the future is now that I am missing the present.

Point one…..

When you have Hypoparathyroidism, you have to usually take boat loads of calcium, prescription forms of Vitamin D on top of other things. Anywho…. As I’ve mentioned before, this is hard on the body. Kidneys especially. I’ve had high levels of calcium in urine which is not good. I’ve had some things indicating that maybe this was heading where I didn’t want it to go. I’ve also been lucky not to have had kidney stones and other issues, but it was always there in back of my mind.

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting

Get some results back and shows that my eGFR rate is dropping. 2 years after being Hypopara it was 73 (still in normal range) but enough that I worried about my kidney health which made me feel like I was being a hypochondriac. Guess I wasn’t because now 6 years in my eGFR has continued to drop 56 which is out of normal range and indicates that kidneys are not working properly otherwise known as CKD. As a side note, for a woman my age it should be in 90’s. So not great but not as bad as it could be!

Now the thing is doctors don’t seem overly concerned at this stage, but I am. You know, you only have one body thing. Also might be reason to switch to a nephrologist who doesn’t wait for things to get bad before thinking it’s a big deal. Anyway, these numbers while not great also were the wake up call that I needed to realize that…..

EVERYTHING IS NOT OUT OF MY HANDS!

  1. Being overweight is not good for many things including kidney health. Now, there was a time when I could say that my extra weight wasn’t effecting my health and at the time that was true; but that is no longer the case.
  2. My nutrition could be better. I’m not talking about nutrition to loose weight. I am talking about making sure that I am eating the right foods. Getting the right proteins, carbs, healthy fats.
  3. There might come a day where I can’t do the things that I want, but I am not even close to being there now or in the near future!

so what to do….. what to do……

Well one and two go together. While I’ve met in the past with a functional nutritionist , this time I wanted to meet with someone who focused on kidney health. I found a Registered Dietitian with all the right credentials who among other things works with endocrine, kidney and weight loss issues. (All the boxes and then some checked).

I could (not easily) go on a diet to loose weight but if it is not the right diet for my health than loosing the weight means nothing. Last time I dropped a decent amount of weight it was between son 2 & 3. I did it with the South Beach Diet which is very much not the type of diet I should use now. My goal is not so much the weight loss but finding the right diet for kidneys and hypoparathyroidism. Loosing 20 pounds would be the bonus and one I am now actively working on.

My goal though is to change my numbers around as it’s early enough to do that and if I can’t turn them around, slow them the (beep) down!

So with all of that weighing on my mind, I’ve been acting like I am already at the point where I can’t run anymore. Now that’s just crazy talk…… Like Serious crazy talk……. Maybe…. Maybe…. Maybe….. one day, but not yet.

Now I know that just with Hypopara, my running has changed but I’ve been getting it done. I’ve been doing what I can but I’ve been holding back because I was waiting for what I don’t know. Kind of like when you put off cleaning out your closet because you just don’t want to deal with it. Then you realize that once you start tackling it, it’s not so bad.

So it’s not so bad!

Plus I’ve been training for my triathlon. I’m not trained trained. I feel like I never am anymore. What I am is trained enough to know that I will make it out of the water and still be able to bike and while not run, will be able to at least walk to the finish line.

oh did I mention that event is 12 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Load is Heavy

This post is for my Hypopara friends……

For those of us who have been waiting and waiting and waiting….. and yet again waiting for them to resolve the Natpara issue, this last week was a kick in the gut.

For those of you who have never heard of Natapara, I will give you a very brief unscientific explanation. For those of us who live with Hyopara (Hyparathyroidism), it a nutshell it means our parathyroid glands do not work or work properly. Never heard of a parathyroid? Well that’s because it is one of those things that the body usually never has a problem with. Most (not all) of us came to the Hypopara world due to a problem with thyroid surgery where the parathyroid glands (there are 4) were damaged. At least that’s how I got here. Your parathyroid glands produce a hormone that is responsible for helping your body regulate calcium levels. Not a big deal you think, until you look at this chart.

Anywho……

For a brief moment, all of this was secondary because I got to be on Natpara, a daily injection of the synthetic parathyroid hormone. I was on it for a blip before it got recalled. My body worked the way it was supposed to work without a barrage of pills, self checks and symptoms. I also no longer worried about my kidneys since all levels than were in normal range. Then for reasons that really don’t make sense, this option was taken away. When I say doesn’t make sense it is because it is still available in others parts of the world, just not in the US. So back to daily routine.

Whatever……

As the saying though goes though….. Just because I carry it well does not mean the load is not heavy. It is heavy. Sometimes you get so used to carrying the heavy load that you forget it is there, but it is always there. You stop really speaking about it because you just do what you need to do and even those in your circle don’t see the struggles. Always lurking. Waiting to remind you that it is there. It is those moments that are frustrating. I also know that I am lucky because even with my Hypoparthyrioidism I am able to accomplish and do so much.

But for now, I know that many in the Hypopara community have no choice but to keep carrying our heavy load because we all got notified that Natpara is not coming back. It makes no sense to know that there is something out there that will take away the symptoms, help to protect kidneys because we were no longer taking high doses of calcitrol and calcium, where your face doesn’t start to tingle telling you that your calcium is dropping (that’s what mine does but everyone is different), your feet uncontrollable cramp up, or have muscle spasms in legs. Just sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop as you deal with the life of hypopara……… because in the end

What choice do we have

especially when the only viable one was taken from us.

Pulled this one Out of Nowhere

So today, I ran the NYC Half. You wouldn’t know about that because I’ve been a little absentee with both updating my blog and my training. My goal is to try and do better with both.

As far as training goes, I followed no plan. I didn’t run nearly as much as I should have especially if I had followed a plan which fell through the cracks. In February, I did mostly 3 mile runs and this month, mostly 2. Then I did one 8 mile run and one 10. I would like to say that I was offsetting that non running with cross training, but that would be a lie. So the race was going to be what the race was going to be.

Got to say, for lack of training, not having a plan, and just overall preparation; I really pulled this out of nowhere.

100% I should not have had the race I had today, but I had a great race. So I will take it. I won’t knock it. I won’t question it with the exception of questioning what I might be able to accomplish if I actually trained:) My goal today was to run a smart race and I feel that I did.

For my Hypopara friends, running a smart race meant making sure that I paid attention and added my calcium BEFORE I would need it which I knew from last years marathon training. I also adjusted my doses today. Normally I take .25 Calcitriol in morning with my pills. This morning I took .50 with my normal calcium amount. Then on the course around mile 5.5, I added 1,000 mg of calcium and 25 mcg of Vitamin D. It add them to my water, so it forces me to continue to hydrate. Post race, I took another of my normal dose of Calcitriol and calcium. Overall, this made for a good day. I am lucky that I had last years marathon training to fall back on to know what I would need when. So I don’t necessarily recommend doing this without training for this reason alone.

As far everything else goes, I feel like everything fell into place. The weather was perfect. Picture perfect. Great day to run. Blue skies. Slight breezes. Sunny and in the low 60’s. I could have done with 5 degree lower but that would just be greedy to ask for that. Therefore, I will go with picture perfect.

My goal was to run a smart pace which meant watching the pace and keeping it in check. I walked when I wanted which most definitely was the bridges and maybe a little more than I should have, but again I was watching average pace as well as running pace. I knew from my whopping two long runs, that if I kept the pace in check I would feel good and would be able to get to the finish feeling comfortable. So that’s what I did. Once I got to mile 11, I pushed a little harder which made me need to walk but by mile 12 I knew I was pushing when I got a stitch in my side. Well it’s not a race if you don’t push:) My average pace according to my Garmin was 12:34 which really is the sweet spot for me right now. That being said I did push enough that my best pace was 8:36. So there’s that:) Overall my I was running in zone 4 for most of the race which is just where I should be. I was at Zone 5 for the finish which is also where I should be for the finish.

Today was a great day for running. It makes me want to be better training for the Queens 10K to see what I can do and how far I can push (smartly…. always smartly)

What a Year! Oh wait:)

2022 has been a year……. And it has only been a month………

Damn!

January was not the year for running. I looked at my stats and I ran a total of 15 miles. Yes, you read that right. 15 whole miles. So, with out a doubt, not a stellar month for running. I am trying to get back into my training as I would like to comfortably finish the NYC Half. Not looking to run a sub 2 like I did the last time I ran it, but looking to at least enjoy it like I did last time too. I had fun. Running a sub 2 I still managed to take amazing photos and fun selfies while zipping through the city. I want to be able to have that same fun at a different pace.

So I have been trying to get back to my training…..

But it’s hard.

It is so hard.

Again January has been a year….. Like any year, some good. Some bad. Let’s break it down.

The good.

My state of NJ has finally come out of the dark ages and allowed home bakers to legally bake from home with a permit. So beginning of month, I was working on getting all permits and paperwork. Then I was off to the races baking. More truthfully, off to the oven. It has been a whirlwind of testing recipes, filling orders and trying to figure out marketing/required labels. But I have loved it all because to me baking is one of my Happy Places.

So I will share some of my happy moments with you!

Just a little bit of what I’ve been mixing up

While doing this, I am still working my 30 plus normal job, pretending to take care of the house and not letting anything on the home front slide. To say it’s been a lot might be an understatement but I am not complaining because I have a goal.

Then the flip side of the month has brought a lot of different emotion.

A family member has been dealing with the demons of Covid. Watching in slow motion from afar the stories you have watched on the news play out in real time with more than likely the same outcome. This story is still playing out but leaves raw emotions especially for loved ones who you are supporting. So many emotions…. The ONLY thing I will say is …… please get vaccinated. If not for you, for your loved ones.

Then there was/is a health scare with my own mom. She is visiting sister in California and Monday morning fainted falling face first full force on a tile floor breaking her nose in 3 places. After a ride to ER, it was determined that she had a Saddle Pulmonary Embolism which basically is a massive clot in her lungs. They found a second one in her leg. It was a week…… Up and down… Up and down….. Things move quickly in the medical field though (at least in this case). 2 days in ICU. Another 2 in regular room and by Friday in a rehab facility to get strength/confidence back. Hopefully this is a short stay as my sister can’t wait to have her back in her home.

Isn’t she cute? She has some work ahead of her, but outcome is good.

Again, so many emotions all in one week.

All this emotion gets you thinking what does everything mean. I’ve had these conversations/thoughts before. I am having them again.

Not Obese, Just Fat 😉

This week I had my annual physical. Numbers are looking good. Cholesterol is going in right direction. Bad number is going down. Good is going back up. Super good blood pressure…. like awesome 96/60. My doctor even told me…. ”You are no longer in the obese category. You have moved down to just overweight.” lol

Seriously though…. she was happy because I lost 11 pounds this last year. She said whatever I was doing to keep doing it. I will also admit that I was shocked that the number was 11 pounds. Pleasantly surprised. Who wouldn’t be? So I think I will, but I know since Thanksgiving I’ve been sliding a bit. Haven’t we all? That is what happens to everyone over the holidays. Time to find my balance again. Time to readjust and get the wheels back on track. It takes so much work to loose the weight but so easy to put it back on. It sucks how unfair that is!

When told a friend I lost 11 pounds this last year, they asked what I was doing and if I thought my smoothie game was a factor. So here goes….

I do think that the smoothies have helped. For a few reasons. I start my morning of every day with a nutritionally balanced smoothie. It is never the same but always packed with lots of vitamins, filling fiber, and protein. It sets the tone for the day. Some days that works. Some days maybe not but at least every morning I get to start over.

No While I have been working with my Functional Nutrionist and it has been helpful, food wise she really has just been reinforcing what I already know. Cutting down dairy, processed food, and bad carbs is really the answer for me. Also thinking about what I am eating, when I am eating, and why am eating has been helpful.

It also helps to know what workds for you as each person is different. I have never been one to track food, count calories, or any of those things. Some that works for them. Not me. Also for me, I really am not looking at this as a diet plan to loose weight but as a healthy more natural way of eating. Seriously it is a lifestyle change and it really is about meeting my nutritional goals and just eating healthier. The thing about that is that means cutting out processed foods and cutting back on unhealthy carbs and dairy.

Win Win.

Eating this way does not in any way feel like I am giving up anything. It also allows flexibility and I never feel like I am missing out. I will also say that if I want a cookie that I will have a cookie. If I want something that I will not deprive myself but maybe instead of having a plate of cookies that I will have one or two.

Balance.

It’s not easy to find. It is often easy to get out of it and sometimes you are going to fall. As long as you keep getting up, dusting yourself off and getting back on the balance beam all is good.

As I said before….. This is about my health, meeting nutritional goals and trying to be the healthiest that I can be.

Some people might think because I run marathons that I never suffer from issues from my Hypoparthyridism. They would be wrong. It just is part of the routine now.

Case in point

Claw hand

Yesterday, while cleaning kitchen. Not doing anything out of the ordinary. Unless you count really doing a deep clean. Hmmmm

I think the difference is that while running though, I really pay attention and adjust. During build up of the miles in my training for marathon, I pat attention to the signals. Monitoring when hands start to get tingly. Pay attention to how hard to push before adding more calcium. It is all so random to be honest and changes all the time. Things that always effect it though are temperatures when running, pace and how hard I’m pushing, time of day, time on feet, and really what the calcium Gods decide. At least that last one feels pretty accurate.

One thing that I realized during a training run is definitely extra calcium is required before mile 10. It is always better to keep the levels up than try to recover from when the hands start to tingle. During training if it was a longer run, I would make sure to take my morning dose of calcium and calcitriol before running. If it was a shorter run, I would take it as soon as I got home. If it was a LOOOONG training run, I might add extra calcium powder (Calez) to my water. If it was a hot day, I would do the same. Regardless though, I always kept a pack of the powder with me because some days I needed it and some days I didn’t, Really is a crap shoot.

On marathon day and the day before, I did some preparation. In eventing before the marathon, I took an extra dose of my Calcitriol because normally I aim to keep my blood calcium levels at just below or at the the low end of normal. So I didn’t want to go into the marathon with low calcium already. Then the morning of before I left at the super early hour of 6:00 AM, I took my morning dose which normally I don’t take until 10ish. Then I packed with me my normal meds but taking an extra dose with me as it was going to be a long and hard day. I wasn’t starting until 12:00, so I had to bob and weave before the bob and weaving actually began. So around 11:00 am or so, I took another dose of calcium and calcitriol which really would have been my normal time. Then I made sure to add Calez to one of my water bottles to have along the course. I saved another dose of my calcium, calcitriol and magnesium for when I finished. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.

I will say that I think for once I ran a smart race. It helped that I ran the first 16-17 miles with a friend. I think we kept each other in check. We ran paces that were sustainable. We ran smart. We also walked when needed but also encouraged each other to push ourselves to run. I ran a much smarter race when I was running with her. I would have loved to have run the whole thing with her, but we split up when she needed to stop for a bathroom pit stop. At that point, I really was afraid that if I stopped that it would be too hard to start up again. My legs were dead. My foot was hurting. Stopping was not an option for me unless I wanted to call it a day.

So I kept on going……

And going……

And going…..

At first I did not run as smart as I did when I was with Rosa, but I caught on to my stupidity. So I tried to run smarter. I walked more than I probably would have than if I was with her, but the pain was real.

But so was the joy….

The bottom line though was I still got where I wanted to get which was the finish line.

Yes, I know you’ve seen this photo before, but I do so love it.

Everyone who runs a marathon has hardships that they push through to get to the finish line. It wouldn’t be a marathon without it. This is just part of mine. Before becoming Hypopara, I didn’t have to take into account medications and added calcium, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t different challenges. As they say…….

If marathons were easy everyone would do them. I’m just too stubborn not to do what I have to do to get to the finish.

Perfection is a Myth

I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect. I am far from it. I have many faults but I really don’t feel the need to list them. I also have many positive traits that I don’t feel the need to list. All that being said, we all know those that put forth the ”perfect life.” They have the perfect home. The perfect style. The perfect this the perfect that….. Blah…. Blah…. Blah….

Let’s be real, there is not such thing as perfect in the real world. Usually when you peel back the mask of perfection, you will see how imperfect it all is. The problem is that often no one bothers to look past the initial layer to see the reality of what striving for perfection cost. Perfection is an unattainable goal and often leads to frustration, giving up, or in some cases drastic measures (think of those celebs who went one cosmetic procedure to far).

In our workout routine or diet, the strive for perfection often leads to people walking away feeling like a failure. We think that we have to follow a strict diet and if we don’t follow to the letter T that we cant do it. Many times people who decide to get fit go gang busters…. Going to gym every day. Starting strong as they say. Then they get sore. They miss a workout. They can’t hit a pace in a run. They feel like they are too slow. That why bother because we just aren’t good enough. The strive for perfection often sets us up for failure.

I am to the point that I am realizing that striving towards “perfection,” towards unattainable goals, to comparing myself to not others but old versions fo me were setting me up for failure. My goal is no longer perfection, but only to be better and the best version of me. A realistic version. A version that I can live with. A version that is sustainable. A version that will never be perfect, never be more than it can be, and one that I can say I did my best.

I’ve been thinking along these lines with my nutrition. I have always said that my problem with diets is that if I get hit by a bus that I don’t want my last meal to be celery. Not that there is anything wrong with celery as I actually had it for snack last night, but you understand. I do not want to live my life feeling deprived. Striving for things that long term will not keep. So as I started thinking about my nutrition, I’ve realized that sometimes change while hard doesn’t always mean depriving myself. I want to develop a nutritional plan that I can live with, feel good about, that is healthy, and most of all sustainable. Also I know for a fact that I am not going to be giving up certain things and that is ok. Embracing the imperfection of moderation.

So far. So good.

The morning smoothies are still a thing and one that hubby and I look forward to. The thinking about what I am eating, when I am eating and why I am eating has been helpful. To be honest, the cravings for certain foods is lessoning. My boss gave me 2 caramel chocolate bars 2 weeks ago that are still uneaten. Not because I am depriving myself but because i just dont want them. That would be unheard of before. My morning coffee is now filled with an almond creamer instead of half and half or such. If you know me, you know I take my coffee seriously so this was a big step. But once I took that step, I realized that it was more in my mind than in the cup because my morning coffee still tastes like my morning coffee. This past week, I also made homemade cinnamon rolls for my family. They are delicious but I didn’t have one because I really didn’t want one. On the other hand, when I made Pumpkin donuts I did eat one. Just one and that was enough. No shame. No Guilt….. Balance.

I have also been taking this approach to my running. I have continued to walk the first few miles of my long run and the first of pretty much all. Then my goal is to keep the pace in the 12’s because that is where I realistically am. In being real with what I can do, how fast I can run, and what my body can do; I have actually been able to run better Striving for unattainable goals has been my downfall with my running. Working towards being the best I can be on each run has been making running both enjoyable and sustainable.

To be the best version you can be on any given day either in your nutrition, in your running or in your life will change day to day. The trick is to give yourself the grace you need to be that version. Accept the version that you are today and if it doesn’t live up to your expectations know that tomorrow is another day!