Tag Archive | Showing up for yourself

Two Weeks In

As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I started Weight Watchers. I will admit that I have always said that I was not one to count points and it wasn’t for me…….

I was wrong.

Maybe back in the day when you had to do all the counting and calculating. That is no more. It couldn’t be any easier to use. There is a recipe calculator. You can scan bar codes. A “what to eat” tab with featured recipes and lists of all the zero point foods.

Honestly with all the zero point foods, you can eat and eat and not feel deprived. It does require a little planning, but we all know it is the mindless grabbing of food that is the problem for many of us as is processed foods. The one consideration is that it definitely more costly to eat fresh, but that is not weight watchers fault. It is sad commentary that a bag of potato chips is cheaper than a container of strawberries……. But I digress.

Anywho….

I’ve been consistently tracking. I’ve been managing my points. One thing that I do like is that besides daily points, you get what they call weekly points to use anyway you want during your week. These points also increase as does your activity. I didn’t understand that at first, but now use them.

I also am not depriving myself. This week was teacher appreciation week that brought goodies and I also went into NYC for a Hypopara study visit (more on that in separate post later). I ate what I wanted to eat, but maybe pregaming pizza lunch with a zero point salad. Then having only one slice of pizza instead of two. It is about thinking about the food you eat.

This was all only 2 points and that was for the feta cheese.

One thing that tracking made me think about is the number of calories that I drink. While I by no means will be giving up my coffee, I realized that for some reason using agave in my coffee was more points than regular sugar. I then realized switching to monk fruit sweetener was even better. Also had to rethink my morning smoothie which while always healthy needed to be adjusted.

So I will continue to do weekly updates with the good and the bad as I did sign up for the next several months. My first goal is 15 pounds. Ultimately I would like to loose a total of 30 pounds. Time will tell.

Currently I am heading in the right direction. Down 4.2 pounds. This feels like not so much a diet as a reset and shift in eating habits. It is about being the healthiest version of myself which the added weight has not been helping.

Stay tuned.

Letting Go

Jan15

It is so easy to get caught up in the numbers, the data, and if your garmin didn’t record it that it didn’t happen.

I am trying to let that go.

I have been doing my 20 minutes of daily wall pilates. I’ve been walking. I’ve been riding stationary bike and going on treadmill.

Many recorded.

Some not.

You know what if it isn’t documented, it still happened. It is making a difference. I am noticing less aches and pains. I am noticing feeling a little bit stronger. I am confident that this is the way to go.

I am not going from zero to sixty too fast. I am easing into these changes in a way that speaks to where I am and not was or want to be. I am matching my exercise routine with the reality of where my body is today and what it could do.

In my Crossfit days, I was a bad ass. I could lift and do WOD’s breaking into a sweat but get them done. I am not the same, but the determination is the same.

That is enough.

Not if it is recorded by my watch.

Not if no one sees it.

I know…..

And that is enough.

Setting Goals

Jan2

Yes it is that time of year for goal setting. That being said, I would be doing all this if it was June. I am ready. So here we are……. One week in.

What a difference a week makes.

Working on my diet. Healthy smoothies in the morning. More water. More salads. Less processed foods. It’s a work in progress with progress being the key word. Small changes that can be sustained.
Downloaded a 12 week wall pilates program on an app (Reverse Health). For the $30 fee, I feel like it will be worth it. My goal is to carve the 20 minutes out a day. So far. So good, but its been 3 days:)
Started doing some running again. Even ran a New Years Day 5K with friends. This lead me to another goal…. In June there is a Downtown Run into Summer 5K. MY GOAL NOW IS TO RUN THIS RACE WELL….whatever that means. Not time, but the way I feel. Although to be honest I would like to run it in under 35 minutes. I ran the Bethlehem Running Festival 5K in 40.17. So I think while a reach/stretch goal, it is not a crazy goal.

I have been reading a GREAT book by a running coach that I was very lucky to work with. The book is Running Past 50, Your Guide to Running Longevity and Success by Caolan MacMahon. (You can find it on Amazon and I highly recommend it). This book has been motivating me…..for me because I am lucky enough to know Caolan and have worked with her it really hits home. She was my running coach who got me through 2 marathons, a 50K and my one and only sub 2 half marathon. She is an amazing coach and her book speaks the truths coach’s need to say to thir athletes.

The below passage really spoke to me and I hear the truth of her words….

“But it takes time and willingness to develop a habit, which will also include breaking a habit. Habits can, of course, be “good” or “bad.” In this case, you want to develop a good habit, running , while breaking a bad habit, inactivity.”

This paragraph goes on with more information and really spoke to me. So much so that I have it bookmarked.

I have developed bad habits. Not just eating more processed and sugary foods than I should, but coming home from work and immediately sitting on the couch with my dog and a coffee. While this isn’t a bad thing, the timing is a bad habit because once your on the coach it is harder to motivate to do what needs to be done. So what I’ve been trying to do is inside of doing this to go for a walk after work or as in today do my wall pilates which today focused on abs.

So here is to making better choices in the new year. Here is to making healthy habits while replacing the bad ones.

Since this post is long enough, I will explain later how I plan to hold myself accountable.

Happy New Year!

Balance not Perfection

Dec30

I’ve been overweight for years now. I’ve talked about it before. The difference is that before the weight did not effect my life. My doctor never was concerned about it as it was consistent. At the time my high BMI was just that a high BMI. All my other numbers were good. There was no effect on my health.

I was what you would call a healthy fat.

My doctor even would comment that she was not concerned. Although being a doctor she would comment on the BMI, but then just shrug her shoulders.

This last appointment was different. I have now entered into the “unhealthy” fat stage. My cholesterol did lower, but part of that was my good cholesterol going down. She was also concerned about some other liver numbers, so she sent me for a liver ultrasound which backed up her thought of a fatty liver and she is concerned due to family history that I could also become diabetic. The ultrasound also found that I have gallstones.

This was my wake up call. That and the fact that I also gained another 15 pounds. I’ve also been experiencing more aches and pains. Lastly I realized that while my cardio is strong and I can go out to run pretty much without thought, I have lost flexibility and strength.

Time to change the game.

I admit the liver thing has been a wake up call. I’ve already started setting myself up for some success with healthier

Yes that is a cinnamon roll! I am going for balance not perfection!

So this is my goal. I am putting my health first. I even got a 2025 planner. My goal is to to add workouts (not just running) into it. With work and my night class starting mid January, I can’t just let things go unplanned. When I’ve done that the thing that without fail that always gets put last is workouts.

So here is to a healthier happy New Year. My initial goal is 15 pounds which will take me to where I was last year. From there we will see where things go.

What are your goals?

Hello is it Me Your Looking For?

Aug3

Hello…… It’s been a hot minute. I thought I gave up blogging. I really didn’t think I had much to say anymore. I didn’t think anyone would miss it. Then I remembered that I started this blog for me and I missed it.

I think one of the reasons that I stopped blogging is because I didn’t really know where I fit in. When I started this blog, I was your average woman in her 40’s working on getting into shape by signing up for an event. I had goals. I had will. That’s what I blogged about. I was a middle of the pack runner who was driving to bbetter. I was making progress too. I had worked with a coach. I completed lots of events. I finished a 50K, multiple marathons and was training to run a 4 hour marathon. It was in reach.

Now I won’t get into how I blew it in 2016 running NYC Marathon like it was a half marathon and paying the price. I’ve already blogged about that. I had chances to correct that mistake….. or so I thought.

Two weeks after that race is when I had my thyroid removed. Those who have been here a while know that took me into the journey of Hypoparathyroidism. It has slowed me down. It has definitely put a speed bump in my path. It has done a lot, but what it has not done is cause me to give up.

It took a while, but I continued to push through. Learning along the way. While I continued to blog and train….. I wasn’t sure where I fit into it all. I wasn’t sure that those that were following my blog previously wanted to hear these new trials and tribulations because really they signed up for a running blog.

I tried…. I tried… I tried….. and tried some more. I just didn’t feel like I was being authentic with every post. This may have been why the posts became far and few between until they just stopped.

Again….. I never stopped.

I’m rebranding. If you’re looking for a traditional running blog, this may not be longer be where you want to be. Although truth be told, I’m not even sure who is her anymore….. The reason I like blogging is that often it feels like talking to myself. So if you’re here, please say Hello!

Hypopara is strange. It is the only time when the body is missing a hormone (PTH) where there is currently no FDA approved hormone replacement treatment available. It’s coming. So they say. Those of us in the Hypopara community have heard this before. We’ve had the rug pulled out from us when they took away Natpara. So we shall see and we shall continue to wait while going about our business.

Anyway, this blog will still focus on my running, but it is going to focus on my running as a Hypopara athlete. There is no one size fits all with Hypoparaa. Our bodies all handle things differently. Like everything in life, we each just do what we can. So if you are new to the blog as a Hypopara athlete, please say Hi too:)

Now that that is out-of-the-way…… Let me tell you what I’m up to.

I have just started training for a half marathon. This half is actually going to be used as a training run because my real goal is to complete the Quadruple Play Marathon Challenge…. NO IT IS NOT A MARATHON. It is a 3.8 trail run on Friday. Then Saturday a 5K followed shortly with a 10K. Then a Half Marathon on Sunday.

I have done this event before. More than once. I’ve done it Hypopara too. The last time I signed up for it, I was not ready. It broke me a little bit because it was my first and only DNS. I was not in a good spot with my calcium levels and training. I only was able to do the trail, 5k, & 10k. I never came back to do the Half. So there’s that. I’ve got something to prove. To no one else but myself.

Game on!

Just Put on the Shoes

Jul23

Giving up is a choice.

Starting is a choice.

Waiting, ignoring and waiting some more to start is also a choice.

I feel like I am always waiting for the shoe to drop. Waiting. Wondering. When is it going to drop and what will happen when it does.

Here is the thing. What if I stop waiting for the shoe to drop and put them on and just run with it.

Easier said than done, but I’m trying.

What you do when no one is watching is more important than when you have an audience. (I know that is pretty funny being as I’m writing this for my blog, but there are only a handful of you who read. So I’m good:) )

Here is the thing…. Everyone is doing their own thing. Focused on their own goals, dreams, and trying to figure out their own path. No two paths are ever the same even if they are parallel. Everyone also has a reason for where they are on their path.

For me….. (I know broken record)……. I was in a good place right before my thyroid surgery and becoming Hypopara. I was running the fastest I’ve run (the whole sub 2 NYC Half). I was at a good weight. I was also running longest distances with not just a marathon but completing my one and so far only 50k. Things were good. Right up until they weren’t.

Isn’t that the same for everyone though. No one knows what will happen in their lives. No one can predict with certainty where they will be, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t still decide where they want to go. I forgot that……

I’ve given up on having control thinking that my weight, my running, my everything was out of my control due to Hypopara, age and metabolism. Treding water just thinking that was all I could do. Silently struggling and not even knowing I was taking on water?

Often you don’t realize how much you have been struggling until you get to the side and hold on, looking back and thinking about the struggle. We live in a society where strength is revered. Being a Bad Ass is a complement. We are told to power through and push through. Never being told that we need and should take a moment to breathe.

It is only when we exhale, can we see how much we needed the air.

So here I am on the exhale realizing that I’ve been waiting for change to happen…… Yes, I’ve met with nutritionists, I’ve gone through motions,, I’ve complained, I’ve lamented, I’ve waited and waited and waited…… I’m not sure what I was waiting for, but think I finally realized what I was waiting for……….

I was waiting for me.

I was waiting for me to be sick and tired of making excuses even if they are valid. I was waiting to get the fire back that I was trying to force myself to have. I was waiting to decide that I’m not just going through the motions, but that I want to do them. I was waiting to decide that I am ready to set goals and actually stick to them. I was waiting to exhale.

So here I am setting concrete goals, working toward them and realizing that I will be doing them because I actually want to and not because I feel like I need to. My first event was almost 10 years ago. I had fire. I had drive and I had will and it was all internal.

I am there again.

Stay tuned……

Back to Basics

May2

Often when starting out, we pick up where we left off. If we were a runner, we go out for a longer run than we should. If we were a yogi, we don’t go to the beginner yoga class. If we were a gym rat, we pick up the heavier weights. Very rarely do we go back to the beginning…… or is that just me?????

Please tell me it’s not just me??????

So here’s the thing, stepping back to “shorter” distances in running has me going back to the basics with my running. I am thinking about form. I am thinking about control of my pace. I’m thinking about speed workouts. The basics.

I have also been thinking about my cross training. Back in the day, I 3 was a champion cross trainer. I did classes. I rode my bike. I was a 3-4 day a week crossfiter. I was a badass.

Here’s the thing…… I am still a badass. I am just a different level badass. What makes me a badass is not the amount of weight I’m lifting, how fast I’m running, or any of those things. It is that I consistently (mostly) show up. That I keep plugging away. Bobbing and weaving and just keep going. That being said, I realized that just like my running; I need to step back.

I’ve been doing the Fiton classes which I really enjoy. I’ve been using weights and machines in my home gym. I’ve been doing all these things trying to push myself into a level that I am not at or comfortable sustaining. This makes it easier to stop showing up, because I’m showing up to a party I am not properly dressed for. So I’m stepping back and getting ready for the party. Just like when I started this fitness journey back in 2014 or so I didn’t start with Crossfit, I need to start with the basics.

This is not a step back. It is reality. It is meeting my body where it is and not where I want it to be, think it should be, or pretend it is. Reality isn’t always what we want, but if you pretend it is something else often you will give up and never really move forward. So how am I going back to the basics? Just like it sounds…… I am starting from the beginning.

I am doing beginner workouts on Fiton. I am not trying to be more than what I am. I am rebuilding. I am putting the weights down and starting from scratch doing body weight workouts. I am doing knee pushups, low impact. I am being smart. I will add these things as my body regains strength, endurance and in a way that builds up to it.

In doing this I have found that I am being more consistent. I am recognizing that I can push myself with where I am now and eventually by doing so I will get to where I want to be. You can’t get to your destination if you always trying to start at the finish line.

So here I am, back to where I was when I first started this blog. The beginning. Although with the hypopara, weighing more than I did back then, and now being several years older I might be starting even further back…….. That’s ok though because I know where I want to go, have a plan how to get there and am not giving up which is half the battle.

It’s once again….. Go time.

Showing Up

Mar29

We show up for work. We show up for school. We show up for our friends, for all our responsibilities and we show up for so many things that we don’t even want to but feel we need to. We show up for everyone and everything else that often we forget to show up for ourselves.

Wait what????

We forget to show up for ourselves by letting people treat us wrong for too long. For not standing up for ourselves. For constantly putting the to do list before ourselves. No don’t get me wrong, there are times where it is pertinent and necessary for others and our to do list to come first. The problem is we often make that a pattern. We often make that the norm. We often say I need to do this, this, and this first. Then I will take care of myself

STOP THAT!

I realized that part of my issue with getting back on track is that before I would do a work out, before I would plan for my meals, before I would take care of myself; I felt I needed to take care of everything else. That everything else list has and always will be long long… Long… And never ending

I’m working towards my CDA. Lots of time there.

I started a home baking business and often have orders

I have a job outside the home that I am required to show up for.

I have a home and family that requires tending

Here’s the thing, though… I never put myself on the list or at the top of the list recently. And if I’m not on the list, then I’m not a priority. The things that I need to do for me are not getting done. I make sure everyone else in my home is taken care of up to, and including my pets. I forgot about me

Wow, many things on my to do list need to be done. There is still time in the day for me though. It will require planning/. It will require prioritizing. Most of all it will require knowing that I should….. No, that I need to be on the list as well!! So with that being said , I am making myself a priority. Yes cookies need to be baked, dinners need to be made and jobs need to be done, but there is still time for me.

Do you make time for you? So many of us especially mothers are used to putting everyone and everything before us but when the pattern does not allow for any time, there is a problem.

Since I have started putting myself on the list……

Workouts are getting done

My own meal planning is getting priority (loving meal service).

Feeling better and actually less stressed

How do you show up for yourself?

Middle of the Road

Feb16

Showing up for ourselves seems easy enough, yet might be the hardest thing we do in our lives. We always make space for everyone else – For what we need to do for them……. What they need…….. What we can do to make the happy…….. on and on the list goes of what we will and can do for others.

Here is a news flash…….

Not only is it ok to show up for ourselves. Not only is it a necessity, but it should be at the top of the list not the bottom!

Today I had my meeting with my nutritionist. I will admit it, I thought not only more than once but up until I logged into my video appointment of cancelling. I had several very good reasons why cancelling (ok not good, but really good excuses). They all made sense from what does it matter to I haven’t done any of the things I was supposed this last month. I also admit that the only reason I showed up was not for myself but because I figured if I cancelled last minute I would still (rightfully) be charged for the appointment.

So I begrudgingly showed up.

It was the right thing to do mostly for myself even if that wasn’t what propelled me to log in.

I honestly told her that I almost didn’t show up because I wasn’t in the right space and didn’t know if anything we had been doing was even making a difference and worth it…… She’s good and we talked through it. I left in a much better thought pattern than I went in with. She also has my number more than I realized.

In talking to her, she pointed out that I am an all or nothing person. She was like that is wonderful on one hand because it propels you to run marathons and do amazing thing, but the flip side is not as good. So the goal this month is to try and be middle of the road and know that it is 100% ok to be middle of the road! Focus on what I can do. What is in my control. So maybe for right now I am not training the way I used to be, but that doesn’t mean that I need to be stationary. Middle of the road…….

I walked away with a focus for the next month not just on my nutrition goals but also on movement goals. Baby steps on both.

Nutrition….. I have breakfast down with my smoothies (yup, still do them). We are not focussing on actual goals this month as far as numbers of proteins vs carb and such. The focus is just to show up. To think about what I can do to meet my meal goals and how to get there. So by focusing on dinner, that might carry over to lunch as I am going to make extra portions to possibly utilize for lunches. I am also going to look into meal prep services to help get me back on track just being cautious of sodium. But one step at a time…. Which leads to movement

Right now my body is constantly sore. Legs often feel like they have done much more than they actually have done….. so lets take a step back. Slow down. Do something daily either a walk, stretching, but something every day. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing….. it can be middle of the road.

So here is to finding the middle of the road and realizing that it is a good space to be

Lastly I am going to send her my latest labs, so she can do some research to see if she can be of better service with nutritional needs. Told you she was good:)

Pouring from an Empty Cup

Aug25

30 Days of yoga has come and gone.

Daily mile challenge has come to an end.

One expected. On unexpected. Both were not meant to be long term commitments although I had no end goal for the walking. I enjoyed it but it was starting to become part of a stressor to get out for a mile than the stress reliever that it was supposed to be. Life got in the way and unless I had planned to go for an 11 PM walk it was not happening. I had contemplated going, but then thought what am I doing this for?

So I called it a day. Time of death Auguest 21rst which is exactly 2 months since I started the 1 mile a day streak. It was supposed to keep me moving through summer and it did. I no longer need this motivation as I have other motivations. I am part of a team of 7 in a fun team competition. I have some virtual events coming up and I am training for the NYC Virtual Marathon. So it is all good.

I will say I give major props to those that are dedicated to keep up a streaking challenge. Come rain, sun, snow or life events off they go to keep the streak alive. I’ve said before that I was never big on streaking (for me) and after doing it for 2 months, I am happy that I did it. I am even happier to be done with it.

As for the Yoga, I really enjoyed the 30 Day with Adriene Challenge. I was committed and every day I tuned into my practice with her. It was just what I needed. Some days I did more. Most days I did no more. As the days progressed, I allowed myself to just realize that yoga was more than just movement but connecting mind to body. It wasn’t necessarily about pushing my body to achieve positions but about coming to the mat. This challenge was good for me.

When I first went to yoga, I attended Hot Yoga. It was about the movement but it was also about feeling like I pushed myself. When I started the 30 day challenge at first I felt like I wasn’t pushing myself enough. That I wasn’t challenging myself enough. That I should be doing more. With some deep breathing and reflection, I realized that I was missing a big part of what yoga can be. It can be about relieving stress without pushing your body to the limit. That small movements over time bring about big changes. That sometimes in life just showing up to the mat is enough.

Isn’t that the truth? Sometimes we just need to show up. We need to show up for our family. We need to show up for our friends. Most of all we need to show up for ourselves. We often forget that last one putting ourselves at the bottom of the list. The saying is true that you can’t pour from an empty cup, yet so often we try to thinking that if only we try harder we can get more out.

Taking the time daily to go for a walk and do a short walk made me take time for myself every day. I needed to not squeeze it in but plan for it. It made me realize that we should be doing more of that in life. We need to not just think that we can keep on pouring without ever taking a sip for ourselves. There is more than enough to share, but we have to make sure to not give it all away.

So with both of these challenges now over, I am going to plan time to continue with both yoga and walking. I will plan these on my terms because it is something that I want to do and not have to do. It will be a way to replenish and find time for myself when during a pandemic when everyone is home ALL the time, I can find space just for me. Some days that will mean alone time. Some days it will mean joining a friend (safely). Most of all it will be about showing up for myself.