Slow and Steady

Jun18

We are searching for that magic pill. Some are even opting for an injection instead. I get it. Sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes there are medical reasons that would require such extreme measures. Sometimes there isn’t except that loosing weight is hard. I’ve thought about other options, but as I mentioned before I signed up for weight watchers at end of April.

I am the type of person that needs a plan. In my 40’s when I lost 20 pounds (before gaining it all back and more), I used the South Beach Diet. While it helped, it is not a healthy diet for me nor did I want so much a diet as I wanted to retrain my brain/body to eat healthy.

So here we are 7 weeks in and 11.4 pounds down.

As you can see from my step goal, I am doing well. Probably because as a PreK teacher, I am rarely off my feet during the day. So that seems to be working in my favor. I am trying to be steady in working out. I, honestly, have not been running since the Brooklyn Half. I’ve been walking, indoor biking, and weights. I have not been as steady on that as I would like, but I do know that I am gearing up to start my Hat Trick Training at end of July. So theres that.

I like a plan. I like an easy plan. I have found the plan that is now working for me. Tracking which I’ve tried before and never stuck with seems to be working for me now. I think the overall approach to Weight Watchers is what is working for me. I’m not just tracking my food. I am assessing and thinking about what foods I am eating. The daily points have made me think, “is it worth it” when thinking about food choices. I am also encouraged to move more to get more points!

I still don’t feel like I am necessarily on a diet, but on a healthy eating path. When I pack my lunch, it is both tasty but also weeding out the easy to grab processed foods.

That being said, I am still eating a cookie which I track. The thing is I am thinking just one cookie and not several. A small piece of ice cream cake and not a full slice. I don’t want to deprive myself. I just want to find the balance.

I’m not going to lie though…… I know hitting my goal weight is going to take time. I know it’s going to be harder than I want it to be. I know. I know. I know….. but, but , but ……….I am now one pound less than I weighed in last seen 2019. So that is a win! I am also a little less than 5 pounds away from my first goal weight. Then after that 15 more.

It is going to take time. The weight didn’t go on over night, so I can’t expect it to come off overnight either.

Onward….

Two Weeks In

May10

As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I started Weight Watchers. I will admit that I have always said that I was not one to count points and it wasn’t for me…….

I was wrong.

Maybe back in the day when you had to do all the counting and calculating. That is no more. It couldn’t be any easier to use. There is a recipe calculator. You can scan bar codes. A “what to eat” tab with featured recipes and lists of all the zero point foods.

Honestly with all the zero point foods, you can eat and eat and not feel deprived. It does require a little planning, but we all know it is the mindless grabbing of food that is the problem for many of us as is processed foods. The one consideration is that it definitely more costly to eat fresh, but that is not weight watchers fault. It is sad commentary that a bag of potato chips is cheaper than a container of strawberries……. But I digress.

Anywho….

I’ve been consistently tracking. I’ve been managing my points. One thing that I do like is that besides daily points, you get what they call weekly points to use anyway you want during your week. These points also increase as does your activity. I didn’t understand that at first, but now use them.

I also am not depriving myself. This week was teacher appreciation week that brought goodies and I also went into NYC for a Hypopara study visit (more on that in separate post later). I ate what I wanted to eat, but maybe pregaming pizza lunch with a zero point salad. Then having only one slice of pizza instead of two. It is about thinking about the food you eat.

This was all only 2 points and that was for the feta cheese.

One thing that tracking made me think about is the number of calories that I drink. While I by no means will be giving up my coffee, I realized that for some reason using agave in my coffee was more points than regular sugar. I then realized switching to monk fruit sweetener was even better. Also had to rethink my morning smoothie which while always healthy needed to be adjusted.

So I will continue to do weekly updates with the good and the bad as I did sign up for the next several months. My first goal is 15 pounds. Ultimately I would like to loose a total of 30 pounds. Time will tell.

Currently I am heading in the right direction. Down 4.2 pounds. This feels like not so much a diet as a reset and shift in eating habits. It is about being the healthiest version of myself which the added weight has not been helping.

Stay tuned.

It is Enough

May1

Shhhhh… Don’t tell anyone but….

I am overweight. Thanks to many factors, I might be adding instead of subtracting pounds. Based on charts, I would be considered obese. I am out of shape. When I run I have been known to huff and puff. I am not as strong as I used to be. I am not as flexible as I used to be. I’m definitely not as young as I used to be! Sometimes I look at pictures and think…. Damn, what happened.

To be honest though while it does cross my mind on occasion, most of the time I just don’t give a shit. Does my weight determine how I live my life? Not a chance. Does my weight determine if I head out the door to run or exercise? Nope. Does it keep me from living my life and doing the things I want to do? Never. Does my weight effect the way I fit in my jeans? Yup. Does the size of my jeans affect my overall life happiness? Hell no!

All my life, I’ve been beating the odds. I’ve been the one who was picked last for gym class. I’ve been the one who is looked past and over. I say this not for a pity party because who needs that. I say this because at this point in my life, I don’t care and if you didn’t pick me to be on your team I wouldn’t want to play with you anyway. If you look past me, no worries because I’m probably have a plan of where I need to be anyway.

I say these things because they are true. I say these things because they are what made me who I am today. They made me stronger. I had to find my own self worth. I had to find what made me who I am today. I define who I am. I define what I am and what I will do.

Now please don’t take that to mean that I don’t need others and others opinions aren’t important. I’m just saying that although it is nice when others build a person up that you must learn to build yourself up first or it means nothing. If you spend your life looking for validation from others, you will never truly be satisfied or know your worth.

So while I know that some might look at me at shake their heads wondering how I consider myself a runner and an athlete, I do. I know that I don’t have the speed of some. I don’t have the agility or endurance of some. I don’t have a lot, but what I have is enough.

I have the will. I have the desire. I push myself when it’s hard. I push myself to be more than I was. I strive to be better, stronger, faster than I thought I could be. I also know that what I have to offer is enough. That while I could always be better and improve myself, that who and what I am today is enough.

And while all of that is true, we all know that I have talked about trying to get the number down on the scale. At my last doctor visit, I had gained an additional 10 pounds which was always the number I said I couldn’t hit. My doctor said something that stuck with me, “Don’t let this be your new normal” after I said that to her.

Since that visit in December, I have tried on my own a few different ways. None of them stuck while the weight did. I very much like to have a plan. I think I’ve found one that I’ve been doing for a few days now. I like it. It makes sense to me and it is easy to follow.

So with that I will say that I signed up for Weight Watchers. I signed up for a 10 month plan as I have 30 pounds as my goal.

More to follow

Setting Goals

Jan2

Yes it is that time of year for goal setting. That being said, I would be doing all this if it was June. I am ready. So here we are……. One week in.

What a difference a week makes.

Working on my diet. Healthy smoothies in the morning. More water. More salads. Less processed foods. It’s a work in progress with progress being the key word. Small changes that can be sustained.
Downloaded a 12 week wall pilates program on an app (Reverse Health). For the $30 fee, I feel like it will be worth it. My goal is to carve the 20 minutes out a day. So far. So good, but its been 3 days:)
Started doing some running again. Even ran a New Years Day 5K with friends. This lead me to another goal…. In June there is a Downtown Run into Summer 5K. MY GOAL NOW IS TO RUN THIS RACE WELL….whatever that means. Not time, but the way I feel. Although to be honest I would like to run it in under 35 minutes. I ran the Bethlehem Running Festival 5K in 40.17. So I think while a reach/stretch goal, it is not a crazy goal.

I have been reading a GREAT book by a running coach that I was very lucky to work with. The book is Running Past 50, Your Guide to Running Longevity and Success by Caolan MacMahon. (You can find it on Amazon and I highly recommend it). This book has been motivating me…..for me because I am lucky enough to know Caolan and have worked with her it really hits home. She was my running coach who got me through 2 marathons, a 50K and my one and only sub 2 half marathon. She is an amazing coach and her book speaks the truths coach’s need to say to thir athletes.

The below passage really spoke to me and I hear the truth of her words….

“But it takes time and willingness to develop a habit, which will also include breaking a habit. Habits can, of course, be “good” or “bad.” In this case, you want to develop a good habit, running , while breaking a bad habit, inactivity.”

This paragraph goes on with more information and really spoke to me. So much so that I have it bookmarked.

I have developed bad habits. Not just eating more processed and sugary foods than I should, but coming home from work and immediately sitting on the couch with my dog and a coffee. While this isn’t a bad thing, the timing is a bad habit because once your on the coach it is harder to motivate to do what needs to be done. So what I’ve been trying to do is inside of doing this to go for a walk after work or as in today do my wall pilates which today focused on abs.

So here is to making better choices in the new year. Here is to making healthy habits while replacing the bad ones.

Since this post is long enough, I will explain later how I plan to hold myself accountable.

Happy New Year!

Getting a Little Help

Mar11

Last time I met with the nutritionist, we were talking about ways that I can eat healthy without stressing out. I realized between day job, home baking business, preparing for my CDA and life in general that I have not been bringing my A game when it came to food prep at home. I’ve been in a bit of a rut. While I enjoy cooking, cooking can be time consuming and it was always at the bottom of my list. I found myself making the same meals in one formation or another week after week. This also led to something that wasn’t meeting all my nutritional goals or needs. She also suggested that I make extra portions for dinner giving me a healthier lunch option the next day. You know the whole one good choice leads to another good choice thing.

My problem was time. My problem as mentioned that I was in a rut. My problem again was getting home at almost 6:00 from work and the last thing wanting to do is spend time prepping and cooking. I also am not a big lets prep for the week kind of person. So that lead me to look for some inspiration.

Now before I go into this, I must say this is NOT a sponsored post. I wish it was, but my little blog is not catching anyones eye to say “Hey lets sponsor this woman” but if they are out there…. Go for it:). Lol

Anywho……

When my son was in college apartment, I signed him up for a food prep service. As his mother, I did like that besides giving him good meals,; it also taught him how to cook. I was going to use this same service, but went with a different one because I got a coupon in the mail. My bad though because at checkout, I forgot to put the code. I didn’t realize because I was getting a first time user discount. The home coupon was better, but it is what it is. Besides, the meals were just what I needed

Case in point…..

Beef Tenderloin & Balsamic Steak Sauce – Now I don’t eat meat, but I got this one for hubby and son. They both loved it. The meat was good quality and I did eat the sides of asparagus and potatoes. The dogs were sad there was not leftovers, but they did get some sauce mixed in with their dinner too. There was no complaints from anyone.

Garlic Butter Shrimp Scampi – I make scampi all the time at home, but this was nice to not have to worry about or plan and I’ve never added broccoli. Garlic bread was a nice touch to go with it.

Falafe Power Bowls – This may have been my favorite meal of the box. I’ve done falafels at home before but usually there is so much work to them that it can be overwhelming. The meal card said 15 minutes and it didn’t lie. Plus making it into a bowl with spinach adds a nice boost of natural calcium! I would definitely order this one again.

Vegan Harissa Apriocot Glazed Tofu – I did not tell hubby this was vegan only that it was tofu. shockingly my hubby who will eat tofu but usually complains, this time said Tofu was really good. So there is that. Plus he wasn’t wrong. It was delish. The tofu was firm and packaged where I didn’t need to press it. So ready to go. This dish had a lemon cilantro couscous which is something that I would never make at home. It had a good compliment to the tofu in place of a rice that I would normally make and it has better nutritional value.

Packaging was perfect where I didn’t need to worry about unboxing the second it arrived. Everything came that was needed except for things like butter and oil. Everything was really yummy. The first box, I may have over ordered with 4 meals doubling some portions for lunch. That being said, I did eat the left overs for lunch and nothing went to waste. Plus having extra for lunch beats a PB&J any day.

I adjusted portions and have a second box coming this week. I am still in need of getting out of my cooking rut. I can’t manufacture more time and I really do want to try to eat healthier. This week I am excited to be getting Toasted Coconut Tempura Shrimp and some other goodies.

Bottom line is I need the help right now and am happy to allow someone else to prep a few of my meals!

Have you ever done a food service and if so, who did you use?

Tell Me Why?

Feb21

I’ve been thinking a lot about my Why?

Why can’t I loose weight?

Why is it so hard to start and so easy to give up?

Why does it matter because I’m at the point as hard as I try it’s not working?

Why are my legs so sore all the time?

Why don’t I have the energy I use to have?

Why does it even matter at this point?

Why? Why? Why? Why????

Some answers are easy enough and may sound like a broken record.

I don’t have the energy and my muscles are sore because of the low calcium due to the Hypoparathyroidism. That in leads to the why can’t I loos weight because you have to be mor active for that to happen, but there are other factors in play. You know the “a woman your age” factor. They “your metabolism isn’t what it used to be factor.” Plus I will say that due to the lack of energy and other unknown reasons many in the hypopara community often speak of the difficulty of loosing weight. Although I think based on the massive diet industry that is not unique to us but does add another layer.

I was recently looking at running pictures prior to my surgery.

The days that I was training hard, running fast (sub 2 half) and kicking ass. I had drive. I had ambition. I had the ability to push myself past where I thought it could go. And I’m now in the chicken or egg stage because I don’t know if I no longer have this drive because I know I can’t push myself or if I stopped pushing myself and lost the drive. To be honest though, I think it is because I realized that in order to run the long miles, in order to run the faster paces, in order to expel so much energy that means taking more calcium which in the long run is not what my body needs (the high urine calcium levels show that pretty accurately). I know I can do it. I know I can just pop more calcium and my blood calcium levels will remain stable, but that isn’t something I’m willing to do. You only get one body and I’m trying to do the best that I can.

I have said that I won’t run another marathon until I am back on some (like there are many to choose from) PTH hormone replacement therapy. Natpara isn’t coming back. There is a new one on the horizon (TransCon) but is not FDA approved. Then there is the real worry that even when approved that it will be cost prohibited and insurance won’t cover it. When I was on Natpara, they had a rebate plan to make it “affordable” as when I say it was big money I mean it was big money. Like $10,000 a month money without rebate. Ascendis Pharma owner of TransCon in an earnings call made it seem like there would be no rebate since they literally own the corner of this therapy and it will be a money maker. So there’s that….

Anywho….

Last week when talking to the Nutrionist I said it’s been a roller coaster because I just can’t seem to care because nothing I do is making a difference. I can’t eat my way out of Hypopara. I can’t change my diet enough to not take the calictriol and all the calcium that is so hard on the kidneys. So that lead me to be like….WTF I might as well just eat that pint of Ben and Jerry’s. She got it and she is actually going to do some research on Hypopara to see if there is something we can do for my diet to add more natural calcium that might not be so hard on the kidneys. Between that and FINALLY being able to get an appointment with a specialist who is not only familiar but an expert on hypopara, I have a little hope. Although something the Nutritionist said did stick with me…….

She pointed out (paraphrasing) that while working with her and following the plan might not actually be doing the magic trick I wanted, it is still beneficial. In that it can help to keep other health issues at bay – Keep my cholesterol in check (as it is just under being high). Keep my sugar levels in check. So many other health issues from hypertension to diabetes to even my sleep apnea can benefit from following a healthy diet.

So theres that.

So how am I doing with my goals of dinner and exercise? I’m making progress. I’m being more intentional. Most of all I’m trying.

My why for so long was to reach for something that for now is just out of reach. My why needs to be to just do the best I can with the hand that I have been dealt. Like running a race, life is about learning to bob and weave. I kind of forgot that…

Middle of the Road

Feb16

Showing up for ourselves seems easy enough, yet might be the hardest thing we do in our lives. We always make space for everyone else – For what we need to do for them……. What they need…….. What we can do to make the happy…….. on and on the list goes of what we will and can do for others.

Here is a news flash…….

Not only is it ok to show up for ourselves. Not only is it a necessity, but it should be at the top of the list not the bottom!

Today I had my meeting with my nutritionist. I will admit it, I thought not only more than once but up until I logged into my video appointment of cancelling. I had several very good reasons why cancelling (ok not good, but really good excuses). They all made sense from what does it matter to I haven’t done any of the things I was supposed this last month. I also admit that the only reason I showed up was not for myself but because I figured if I cancelled last minute I would still (rightfully) be charged for the appointment.

So I begrudgingly showed up.

It was the right thing to do mostly for myself even if that wasn’t what propelled me to log in.

I honestly told her that I almost didn’t show up because I wasn’t in the right space and didn’t know if anything we had been doing was even making a difference and worth it…… She’s good and we talked through it. I left in a much better thought pattern than I went in with. She also has my number more than I realized.

In talking to her, she pointed out that I am an all or nothing person. She was like that is wonderful on one hand because it propels you to run marathons and do amazing thing, but the flip side is not as good. So the goal this month is to try and be middle of the road and know that it is 100% ok to be middle of the road! Focus on what I can do. What is in my control. So maybe for right now I am not training the way I used to be, but that doesn’t mean that I need to be stationary. Middle of the road…….

I walked away with a focus for the next month not just on my nutrition goals but also on movement goals. Baby steps on both.

Nutrition….. I have breakfast down with my smoothies (yup, still do them). We are not focussing on actual goals this month as far as numbers of proteins vs carb and such. The focus is just to show up. To think about what I can do to meet my meal goals and how to get there. So by focusing on dinner, that might carry over to lunch as I am going to make extra portions to possibly utilize for lunches. I am also going to look into meal prep services to help get me back on track just being cautious of sodium. But one step at a time…. Which leads to movement

Right now my body is constantly sore. Legs often feel like they have done much more than they actually have done….. so lets take a step back. Slow down. Do something daily either a walk, stretching, but something every day. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing….. it can be middle of the road.

So here is to finding the middle of the road and realizing that it is a good space to be

Lastly I am going to send her my latest labs, so she can do some research to see if she can be of better service with nutritional needs. Told you she was good:)

Complicated

Jan25

Complicated Relationships

I have lots of complicated relationships. To be honest, who doesn’t?

I love my blog, but I have not been great about blogging recently…… Complicated

I love to run, but haven’t been running much lately……. Complicated.

I want a clean house, but I hate to waste time cleaning it….. Complicated

I want to be a size 8 or honestly I would take 10 at this point, yet really don’t do what is necessary to make that happen…… Complicated.

I miss running with my friends, yet don’t seem to have the time to meet up with them as our schedules don’t mix….. Complicated.

I have a VERY complicated relationship with food. To be honest, who doesn’t?

The problem I have is the all or nothing mentality and often we might be the ones complicating things more than they need to be.

As I previously mentioned, I’ve met with a nutrionist a few times now. She has given me some good feedback. We have talked about different food choices, adding more protein to diet and less carbs, and looking at better options overall. Things that most of us all know, but she has given some good tips. Overall it has been worth it.

Here is the complication though……. While I know everything she says is valid, I am beginning to wonder if I have the conviction to actually follow through. So far the answer to that will be a resounding no. I can’t even get myself to track my food choices for a day or two. Now maybe it’s because I know where I’m going off track and I don’t want a paper trail to remind me. Maybe it’s because I’m not determined enough to follow through. Maybe….. Maybe….. Maybe….

There are so many reasons we don’t reach where we think we want to go and I maybe to the point where I, honestly, am not sure I want to got there anymore.

I just had my physical in December. Cholesterol only went up 4 points and blood pressure is still really good. So while I have all the other stuff with my Hypopara going against me, relatively everything else is looking ok.

So now the questions I need to ask……

What do I really want and what am I willing to do for it?

Simple.

Yet, complicated….

Answers will be coming shortly and probably changing as time passes.

I’m Not That Evolved

Nov3

I have a confession to make….. The number on the scale still bothers me. I know it shouldn’t. I know I am more evolved. I know it is just a number, but…. But…. But….

The two sides of my brain fight this one out. I know that the number is NOT important. I know what is more important is overall health. I know that there are other much more important numbers, such as blood pressure (good), cholesterol (fair but in range) and all the other numbers I need to keep in check due to my hypopara. I also know the number on the scale does not affect my quality of life, change the way my loved ones feel about me, nor honestly change anything about my life. It doesn’t keep me from doing things. It doesn’t honestly affect my life in any way…. With the honest exception of that it does make running a little more challenging than it needs to be on my feet.

I’m not blowing smoke. I know all of these things. I know that the scale does not control my life. I know the scale does not change my life. I am a fairly confident person. The scale doesn’t keep me from doing anything and yet….

I can admit that it bothers me.

Now I am not saying that it bothers me enough to do a drastic life altering diet change. I also admit that while I have started to track my food. This is honestly based on the fact that I am trying to meet nutritional goals. Lean proteins. Less Carbohydrates. Meeting calcium and nutritional goals for overall health. My nutritionist pointed out that while weight is not our goal that by meeting my nutrional goals while also adding strength training and balanced exercise regime, the wight loss will be potential possible side effect. There is no calorie counting. There is what are the best calories to consume.

So why knowing all of this does the number on the scale still bother me? Can I blame society as much as I blame my non existent metabolism? I know things are slowly changing. Companies are using models based on “real” women. Disney just had a short with a bigger protagonist. People keep fighting back against body shaming…. Yet, these are the exceptions and not the norms because if they weren’t they wouldn’t make the news. Top “influencers” (still don’t get that one) are still using filters to get unattainable goals. Plus, I am of the age of barbie, I Dream of Jeanie, and grew up the “fat kid.” Not sure you can every fully get away from those forces.

Yet…… I try…….. not enough that I stopped stepping on the scale. That I don’t have a weight goal. That I wouldn’t love to wake up tomorrow and be 135 pounds again. Once again not enough to take the unhealthy (for me) drastic steps to reach these goals. Part of me would love to drop the 20 pounds. That being said, realistically I will be very happy if I drop 10 pounds which would still leave me in the overweight category but take my BMI out of the obesity category.

Life Goals…..

Health Goals

Too Much of a Good Thing

Oct2

I’ve met with the registered dietician on Friday. This was our second meet up after a consultation with her last month to see if we would be a good fit. She is a registered dietician and nutritionalist who also has a focus on endocrine and kidney disorders (Hello Hypoparathyroidism!). After our first meet and greet, we thought food tracking might be beneficial as it is hard to really make changes until you know what needs to be changed. Seems resonable!

So tracking I have tried to do. I even bought a year of myfitnesspal as a motivator. Now tracking is NOT hard because they really do make it easy. What is hard is telling yourself that you will track something later and then not doing so. Then the days where you know you are going to eat like a High School wrestler hoping to bulk up for his weight class. I have not been perfect but I have been fairly constent and as with everything in my life, I am trying to do better

Here is to trying to do better!

One thing that was very obvious is that I am not eating enough protein. Now for kidney issues, I am really supposed to avoid animal proteins which as a pescatarian I was already doing. That being said, plant based proteins are important especially when trying to create an exercise routine with good muscle recovery….

My bad.

Another thing that became VERY obvious is that I am eating way, way, way too many carbohydrates. Let me just say way one more time. Let’s admit it though. Carbs are tasty. Carbs are easy to grab on the go. Plus not all carbs are bad, but too many carbs is still too many carbs especially when not paired properly.

Case in point a random day in September where I tracked my whole day.

Not necessarily hitting my targets. Sometimes even when we think we are eating heatlhy, overal we are not getting all we need or too much of what we need. In talking with the dietician, it became apparant that there is too much of a good thing. Such as my morning smoothie. I was going with the add as much fruit as possible which is not really the way to go.

Sonal, dietician, asked me; “If you had to sit down to eat everything that you put in your smoothie for one meal, could you?”

The answer was a resounding no. The baker in me loves creating and I was using my smoothies for an outlet, but it really was too much. I am normally a too much kind of person. Lol. She suggested limiting the smoothie to 2 fruits taking into account the could I eat it all in one sitting mantra. Also making sure to add some protein to the smoothie in the form of a powder or food source (chia seeds, nut butters). Also adding some filling fiber such as oats, flax seeds and spinach. I can work with that! Kind of have been doing it, but in an over the top way.

Sometimes less is more of what we need and I’m trying to remember that.

While this morning smoothie was carb heavy, I also knew that it would be followed by a long bike ride and run. But it was also a good balance of protein and fiber. Balance.

The Accidentally Running Mama

Run, Bike, Swim and Have a Life!

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