Behind the Curtain

We all like to put our best foot forward. We all like to have a view of ourselves we present to the outside world. Sometimes the presentation is real and sometimes it’s not. I admit that if you randomly stop by my house, often you will find it in chaos, but if I know you are coming it will have the presentation of being in order. This is why when some people scroll through Facebook, they may get depressed because everyone looks like they have a perfect life, but if you look behind the curtain….

That perfect family vacation picture a friend posted…. You might not see all the yelling it took to get everyone to stand still and smile.

That perfect dinner a friend posted….. You might not see the night that dinner was thrown out and they had to order out

That perfect marriage your friend always boasts about….. Well who knows.

Perfect lives are never perfect.

A Hypopara friend said this about me in our support group the other day…

I have to say this as someone who has followed your journey, I am so impressed by you! You recently started Natpara and was doing better on your runs and now things are changing again (hopefully temporarily,) the way you are handling it all (don’t know if you feel the same on the inside,) but on the outside it has been source of strength for me. *Hugs* my friend!

Like everyone in our small Hypopara community on Natpara, this came out of left field. We were all rocked. The morning before the news was released I literally uttered the words about Natpara, “I can’t go back.”

Well now I have no choice. Maybe it’s temporary. Maybe it’s not, but either way; It is what it is. What it is is sucky. For some it may lead to hospital stays, Calcuim crashes, and a host of things. I admit that I am angry. I am frustrated by lack of info. I am scared. Survey any Hypopara patient and I would bet that our number one fear is Calcuim crash. Second is probably Kidney damage.

I further admit that I am lucky. Even before starting Natpara I was able to do more than so many could. Don’t get me wrong it took it’s toll and I often told my family that I made it look easy to them; but it was pretty damn hard to get through the day. I fear going back to feeling that way. I fear the side effects of low calcium, hurting my kidneys, and not feeling like me again.

But these are the breaks. These are the cards being dealt me today (although I do have one week of Natpara). I learned a long, long, long time ago that in life there is much out of our control. Yes, you can get mad. You can get frustrated. You can be sad. What you can’t do is not deal with the reality that is before you. When you don’t that is when you will have problems.

So this next week, I will continue to touch base with my doctor. I will stock up on my meds. I will figure out how and when to take 2,500 mg of Calcuim and 100 mg Calcitrol during the day because your body can only absorb 500 mg at a time. Plus I can’t take it near my thyroid meds which I was already having issues with. I will plan. I will plot. I will fill up my pill box and I will adjust.

Meanwhile I still am planning to run a marathon. That will be for tomorrow’s post…….

Curve Ball

For those who have been here a while, you know my struggles with my Hypoparathyroidism. You know how going on my daily injection of Natpara has been a life saver. It was all coming together. I even made it back to the trails.

Then life throws a fast, hard, curve ball.

Natpara is being recalled.

Out of nowhere. My Natpara community is collectively freaking out. Righthly so. Apparently according to the press release “When the septum is repeatedly punctured, it is possible that small rubber fragments may detach into the cartridge.” Sounds like it might be a problem but what could a little rubber hurt.

Danger Will Robertson. Danger.

The bigger danger is now that this medicine which has given me me back will no longer be available. Then the bigger danger is when you come off this medicine, you have to substantially increase your pre Natpara dosage of Calcitrol and Calcium. I hope my kidneys don’t mind. I hope my levels stable quickly.

Good Times

Good Times

As I said to my husband, I guess I’m back to my daily naps, fatigue, leg cramps, muscle spasms and all the other fun side effects that Natpara helped with. And you know you are a marathon runner, when you also think, “Well crap, there goes my marathon finish time. ” And no I wasn’t training for a PR, but I was hoping for a decent time while enjoying the day. I hope I can continue to train as I have been because it’s been pretty good.

So one step forward. Two Steps back. Coming off this (or any) medicine is no joke. I’ve got to follow doctors orders. I’ve got to be smart about it. Go back to being a world class guesser as the only way to know if your calcium is low is through blood work. They really need to come up with a finger prick like a diabetic.

So while training has been going good and I will continue to do what I need to do, it might not all be as pretty as I hope it will be. I’m hoping that my friends will still run the trails with me because after this setback I think I need them more than before.

Life is not garaunteed and it is filled with ups and downs. My roller coaster ride is just on a bit of a rickety part of the track and maybe the downhill won’t be as bad as I think. Either way, I’ve got my seatbelt on and I’m ready for the ride. It’s the only way to live… Hands in the air and just enjoying the ride.

So I need to process this. I need to deal with this. I need to accept this. I need to call pharmacy and fill some scripts. For all my…. I can’t go back talk. I guess I’m going back.

Restores the Soul

It’s funny how often in life as the saying goes, you don’t know what you have till it’s gone. It’s more than a silly cliché. It’s factual. Think of the people you know who….

Haven’t appreciated a spouce till after getting a divorce.

Didn’t truly appreciate a friendship until it’s too late.

Didn’t appreciate health until a diagnosis

Even the old…. Didn’t appreciate your youth until your too old.

All of these things and so much more is sadly true. Although sadly I think it might just be human nature that makes us this way. If your lucky though, you learn from each loss and appreciate the here and now. It’s a challenge though because it is so easy to fall into the trap again and again. This is why it is best to remind yourself to have a grateful heart. It’s not always easy to keep, but when you manage to do so life is so much better.

Today I did something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I hit the trails for a long run. I had wanted to do it last week after I saw my old running cohort post about meeting people for a trail run. I actually planned to surprise her, but it wasn’t in the cards. It was an “off” day for me and pushing to do the trails even if I had managed to make it off the couch would not have been good. And to be honest, I didn’t even make it off the couch that day. Unless you count when I went out to dinner that night. I guess we can count that and I am grateful that I did not need to worry about cooking dinner on that off day.

I’ll be honest, it took me a few days to get back to the swing of it all. Once I did, I really wanted to get to the trails. I used to run them all the time and can’t even remember the last time I made it to them. It’s been a while. Partly because it does require more time to run the trails. Partly because I wasn’t sure I was up for the trails. And partly because I’ve been nervous about hitting the trails again.

Today was the day to get out there. Weather was perfect. Been feeling good. Really was no excuse not to do it.

So I did.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw some of my Moms Run This Town Mamas getting ready to go out for their own trail run. It was nice to get a hug from them and see their smiling faces. I knew that I would not be at their pace, but I also knew that I really needed to do this on my own……

A friend texted me during the run asking how it was going. I texted back the first thing that came to mind.

It Restores the Soul

Truth. Running the trails again…… Something that I used to do all the time without a thought……. It was like taking back something that I felt was lost. I used to go out for training runs without a care. Now there is planning. When to take the Natpara. Do I take calcium before, during or after the run? How do I feel? It’s not just about grabbing some fuel, filling water bottles and going. I realize that one of the things that has kept me off the trails was fear. Fear of getting wonky on a run. Fear of not being able to do it. All kinds of crazy and some not so crazy fears, but if you let fear stop you from doing what you love then fear wins.

So while today’s run was not fast. While I acted like a tourist stopping to take pictures…… While I enjoyed the beauty of the trails….. While I soaked it all in……. While I just went out and did what I set out to do…… I had a heart of gratitude.

It Restores the Soul…..

I am so lucky for so many reasons. As I said in a Facebook post today, while the trail may be rocky; it is not impossible.

Things are only impossible if you let fear win. Fear did not win today and it has shown me that as always, it is a damn liar. So while I am still sore….. While I am tired…… While it was not easy…… It was also not hard and it was certainly not impossible.

I will be back and it’s nice to know while I was out running the trails alone today that I had support all along the way and I’ve also got some people who will make sure that next time I have company.

Trails and Friends…. Perfect together.

I’m Ok, Are you?

I admit that I have not yet seen Brittney Runs a Marathon…. YET!

I admit that I love the trailer! I can’t wait to see it and am planning a girls night out with my Moms Run This Town Running friends. Runners LOVE, LOVE, LOVE running stories…. We love to watch them. We love to read about them. We love to tell them. I can’t wait for this movie.

It looks very cute to me. Maybe a little bit like your typical rom com type movie, but with a running twist. Since I love running stories and also rom com’s this seems like a win win situation. I must also admit that per the trailer it reminds me a bit of me. I still remember after turning 40 when I told my husband that I was going to sign up for a Sprint Triathlon after not doing any type of exercise for years and his response was….. “Well maybe you should get off the couch first” but in a loving way. Besides it’s all good and they don’t call the program I used the Couch to 5K for nothing.

Anyway,   very excited about this movie and then I read a Runner’s World article (What ‘Brittany Runs a Marathon’ Gets Wrong About Running While Fat)…..

Hmmmm…..

I’ve been dealing with this since I started running.   I started running to get back into shape.   To take my life back after birthing 3 babies.    When I started my youngest was in Kindergarten and I claimed it the Year of Me.   And while I did get into shape, I did not necessarily look like I got into shape.    I did initially loose weight, but after my thyroid surgery I gained 20 pounds.   It is what it is.

I am healthier  (not counting the whole Hypopara thing)

I am more fit.

I no longer get winded going up the stairs.

I have more endurance (remember I was able to run a 50K running for 7 hours)

Yet……

With all of this every year when I go to my doctors for my annual physical, she looks at the numbers.

Cholesteral – Really good

Blood Pressure – Awesome

Health Questionare – great answers

Weight – What the Hell

I switched doctors once after my previous one told me that “a women your age, should have small breakfast, salad for lunch, and a protein shake for dinner since metablalism slows as you age.” Yeah, I get that whole metabolism thing stopping, but No thank you. Besides, it’s really hard to train for a marathon if you are not properly fueling.

My current doctor at least looks at the whole picture. She knows the numbers don’t tell the full story. Plus my weight minus the bump after my surgery has pretty much remained stable. On top of that…. Have you seen has muscular my legs are? lol

Told you:)

Here is the thing…. Would I like the number on the scale to be lower?   Sure.   I’m not going to lie.    Does that mean I am unhappy with myself?   Not really.    I don’t let my weight define me.   It is what it is and I’m ok with that.   If I wasn’t, I would do something about it.   So what I would say running has done for me is to give me the confidence to know (for me at least) size doesn’t matter.    And for anyone who will judge me personally, professionally, or in my running by my size……

Well they probably aren’t someone I would be hanging out with anyway

Often times the struggle in life comes from not knowing who you are. Knowing what you can be versus what you want to be. Like the little kitten who thinks that he is a lion. Yes, he may have the heart of a lion, but that does not mean that he has the body on one. There are some things that one must accept.

Often in life, our struggles come from reality versus expectations. Some realities with dedication and hard work can change. Then there are times that no matter what you do, how hard you work, or what you are willing to change that reality can not. Often that is where the battle comes in. Where disappointments come in.

Some may have the heart and soul of an elite marathon runner. That does not make it so. That being said, that does not mean that you can not become the best version of you at a given point in your life. Trying to live where you are not at a point in time will put you in constant battle with yourself. If you can accept that reality as it is and not how you want it to be, than you can not only enjoy the process but be happy with it too. Again, easier said than done. This holds true for much of our lives.

I will admit that I do not have the dedication or will to be an elite athlete even if I had the body which I clearly do not. I like to sleep in too much and maybe ice cream more than I should. That being said, I do have a drive to be more than I am. The reality though is that I am now a (ahem) middle aged runner with Hypoparathyroidism who can never compete with the image in her head of how things should be or where I was prior to surgery. The beauty is that doesn’t stop me from trying to be more.

So off I went plugging away. Getting my runs in. Doing what needs to be done. Going about my business. Going out for my longest run this training cycle. 10 miles. I didn’t know if I could do it. I reminded myself of my last post where I clearly said that what you do without the fanfare is more important than when you have it. I also reminded myself to stay true to the training. So I went out thinking no matter what I would just get the run in. My plan actually called for 9, but mentally I needed the 10. So I went out and just plugged away.

Just keep running. Just keep running. Running, running, running.

You know what? I did it. I finished the run. I felt good about it. I felt like I could have kept going. Although I was very happy to be done. It was hard, but it was not impossible. Sometimes you don’t need to be the lion, you just need to be the kitten that is not willing to give up.

Here’s the thing too…… Sometimes though it’s ok for the Kitten to know that maybe it’s not her time to be the lion. Sometimes we need to step back because as fierce as we are, sometimes life has other plans for us and that’s ok too. Every battle does not need to be fought. Sometimes it’s ok to find a new path. Often it is the acceptance of that new path even if it’s just a temporary one is what makes you as fierce as a lion.

The world is filled with people getting shit done. Doing what needs to be done to get through the day. Most you might walk past and not even realize the struggle it may have taken them to get from point A to point B. This is why one of my favorite expressions is “Be Kind” because you never know what someone is struggling with…. be it depression, be it an injury, be it giving up a dream, struggles at home, or maybe they are just having a bad day.

So be the lion. Be the kitten. Be you. Most of all… just be kind.

You Can’t Hide From You

We all do it. Have our moments when we are by ourselves and think…. No one is around. I can….. eat the cookie, drink from the cereal bowl, stay in my PJ’s all day, skip a workout, ect, ect…..

Most of the time what we do in private is our business and it doesn’t matter. That being said, often what we do when no one is watching is more imporatant than when you have an audience.

Easy case in points….. Making sure that someone notices you giving a big tip, doing a good deed but making sure everyone knows you did it, being an ass to someone who can’t say anything back because you can, playing the martyr to anyone willing to listen but leaving your part of the story out. This also holds true to training.

What we do in private is our own business. Everyone has their own thing. Focused on their own goals as it should be. Everyone has to stay true to themselves, their goals, their expectations and just focus on doing what they need to do. Just do it. Do what you can. What you’ve trained to do with no doubt.

The problem arises when people aren’t true to themselves or their training. Anyone can make a training run look spectacular if you stop your watch every time you stop, walk, or take a break. While the miles may get done, it does not give true sense of what you can do or prepare you for where you are going. For some this leads to pressure to perform on a given race day for a performance that you might not be ready for. For some this may lead them to cross lines that shouldn’t be crossed and cheat. In the end though, they really are only cheating themselves out of seeing what they really can do..

Training isn’t usually glamorous. Training isn’t usually all that fun. It is hard. It isn’t always easy and honestly if it’s easy then you aren’t training hard enough. Truth be told, sometimes you just don’t want to do it. (Sounds fun, right?) But the truth is that no one suffers from short changing your training than you. Only you can be honest with your effort, your outcome, and knowing if you pushed when you needed to push. Not your friends. Not your running group. Not the crowds. The only thing that can push you to both train and cross the finish line is you. It comes from a place deep inside. Internally. If you wait and need external motivation to get you there, you will fail.

Now I’m not saying that external forces can not be motivating, because they can be. The crowds of NY can carry you in ways that someone who has never experienced running a marathon can never understand. That being said, when you are out running a 50K in the woods, there tends to not be any crowds to carry you and even during a road race there are solitary places. There certainly aren’t any crowds to carry you through training. This is why every runner, every athlete, needs to find their inner voice. They need to find their why?

Everyone has their own why. Everyone has their own reasons. Some have more than one reason.

When you push yourself to run when you don’t feel like it….To run faster, farther, and for longer than you want without the crowd, without the finish line, without the medal; you are better for it. You are a better runner. You erase doubts. You gain confidence in yourself and your abilities. Because the biggest truth is if you can’t do it when no one is looking, it will be almost impossible when everyone is.

So find your Why? Find your inner voice. Do what you know not only needs to be done, but what you know you can do if you allow yourself to do it. When I started training this cycle, I had my doubts. I had trouble completing 3 miles. I’ve been plugging away. Then last night, I noticed something. I ran my 5 miles and could have kept going. I felt good. I felt confident. This is what training does not just to the body, but to the mind.

Keep doing you.

Great Expectations

We all have them. We all have the thought of how things should be. The what if? The maybe it will happen this way. Maybe it should happen this way. The if then thought process.

What happens when things don’t live up to these expectations which more often than not is true. Sometimes these expectations are not based in reality. Sometimes we don’t like the reality. Sometimes we ignore the reality to our own peril. Sometimes we think our expectations weren’t so lofty, but in reflection we realize that we didn’t prepare for the reality of life and how it doesn’t always measure up to our great expectations. That’s ok too because while not what we thought it would be, sometimes reality isn’t as bad as we think as long as we can let go of the expectations

I’ll be honest. I’ve been on my Natpara for a few months now. It has been amazing the changes. On face value, I could not ask for more but… I had great expecations. I thought that taking it would be like a reset to prior to my surgery and I could just take one shot a day and go about my life.

Reality…..The one shot a day has given me so much back including being more friendly on my kidneys. No more muscle cramps, muscle spasms, dead tired beyond tired, and all the other fun side effects of being Hypopara. Reality is pretty darn good. My expecations though were overblown. I thought that I would no longer need to keep a pill box and reminder to take my calcium and other supplements. Yes, I’m taking much less calcium now but I thought I’d be taking none.

And while my running has improved exponentially, I am still out of shape. I still need to walk. I am still not where I was or thought I would be. I still need a reset of expectations. Expectations are not reality but a dream. They are goals. They are a driving force, but when life doesn’t live up to them you have two choices. You can choose to be disappointed or you can choose to look around, accept and appreciate the reality of where you are on a given point in your life.

Sometimes with running, we get so focused on the hitting a certain time, training a certain way, or realizing that maybe we can get to the finish line but we must adjust our expectations to do so. It’s easier said than done, but reality is what it is. Training will be what it will be and each person must do what is right for them and their body. Sometimes it’s all about what we are willing to accept. I have learned to accept a 6 hour marathon time when once I had dreams of a 4:15. If I had not faced the reality of where my body was last year, I would have been disappointed with that 6 plus our time but to date it was my favorite marathon.

Truthfully in the recess of my mind, I still dream of the 4:30/4:15 marathon. Reality is that will never happen for various reasons. Although I never say never. Truthfully, I believe that this year I might be able to make a 5:30 time and 5:00 if I’m lucky. Is it where I would want to be? Nope. Is it honestly where I will most likely be? Probably. If I did not adjust my expectations/goals, I would not be able to enjoy the process and the eventual finish. I can do this. I will get there, but only if I am honest with where I am right now.

Another year. Another race. Maybe I can adjust those great expecations, but for now…. I would rather do what I can than not do anything at all. That is the point.

Do what you can.

Accept where you are.

Enjoy the journey and smile for the finish.

Today is the Day

Today marks the official beginning of my NYC Marathon training. 18 weeks till I step up to the starting line and I am a hot mess. Today on this hot 85 plus degree day, I went for my first run. It was a short run at only 3 miles, but for me for now that might also be a long run. I intentionally kept the pace slow as I’m trying to work on regaining control of my pace. That being said, I really haven’t been running much and as already said it was hot. Oh did I mention, I’m also out of shape. Although round is a shape, so maybe I’m just a shape shifter.

There might be some people who start marathon training thinking this is going to be great, that they are ready for running and training, or that they’ve got this. I am not one such person. I went out for my run which I pushed off as long as I could. Then I doubted my sanity for doing this, but kept going and got it done.

The reality is that this is the beginning of marathon training. Day 1. If I was ready to run a marathon at the beginning of the training cycle, I should be training for something bigger, longer, or faster. As they say, if running a marathon was easy, everyone would do it and isn’t the point of the next 18 weeks to prepare me to actually run said marathon.

The mental training for a marathon and life also begins immediately. Self-doubt if left unchecked will creep in. Like a weed, it will start small and if not plucked out will take over everything destroying all in it’s path. Doubt grows quicker than confidence which really isn’t fair. So I am working at keeping the doubt in check and building the confidence. I know that every run won’t be great but with each mile checked off the list I am one step closer.

For today this is enough. My goal is to run a good race this year. To find what my body can do with my new medication. To be kind to myself, but also push myself at the same time. Another delicate balancing act that I will work on with everything else

It will be what it will be and that is enough

.

Fire

I’m preparing to start training for NYC Marathon. I’m dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s. Picking my training plan. Kind of doing some pre training. Thinking about goals. All the things that I’m supposed to be doing. With all that being said, I am noticing one thing missing this go around.

Fire.

Don’t get me wrong….. I’m excited to be getting ready to train and run NYC Marathon for Sandy Hook Promise. I’ve got the fire to get to both start and finish line. Let me explain….

When I first started this journey years ago, I had fire and determination. I pushed myself to the limit. I trained. I ran far. I ran fast. I pushed myself to and past limits that I didn’t know I could push through. I got up early. I ran late at night. I had serious goals. Some I reached. Some I didn’t. But I always pushed through.

Now….

I like to sleep in….. I’m comfy on the couch at night. I’m missing that fire to push the limits. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been running (not as much as I thought for pretraining). I’ve been running some local 5K and being pretty consistent in my times. Faster than I thought I’d be. I’ve run 3 5K’s this year. All of them, I said I was just going to run and see what happened. All of them were hard and I pushed myself. All of them I finished around 31 minutes.

Now that being said, I think the reason my fire is a little damp right now is I’m not sure what is going to happen as I start adding the miles. Am I going to fall apart. Is my body which thanks to my Natpara has been feeling good going to give me issues. I’m worried. I like the way I’ve been feeling. You know… feeling like me. I think that I may be afraid to rock the boat. I keep saying I don’t want to go back to how I felt both mentally and physically before I started my Natpara. I love running. I love racing. I love being able to cross any finish line but a marathon finish line is special especially when running for a cause you believe in. That being said as much as I love that…… I love waking up not feeling like grandma. I love not needing a nap in the afternoon. I love not having muscle cramps, spasms and all of those other funky sypmptoms of being hypopara.

So I guess what I will say is…… I have the fire, but I’m afraid to let it burn too brightly right now. I’m going to tend to it. I’m going to care for it, but I’m not going to let it burn out because while I love running; I love being able to live my life like I did before my surgery.

If there is one thing about being hypopara is that it does make you more cautious. Where I used to throw caution to the wind and let the chips fall where they may because I knew I could easily pick up the pieces; I don’t do that now. When they fall, they fall too hard and it takes too long to pick them up.

So I will go into my training following a very low key plan. I will put in the miles. I will do what I need to do and as the 3 miles turns 5 and so forth and so forth; I will reassess. I will adjust. What I will not do is stop….

So I guess I do have more fire than I thought:)

5 Years in and Not Done Yet

When I did my first marathon, I said I was one and done. Then number 2 was a fluke as everyone said how hard it was to get into Marine Corps. I was done. Then I had to run NY because everyone says you’ve got to do it. Then Chicago was another “oops I got in again” moment. Then the call of running for Sandy Hook Promise led me to NY again and now again… This is it… I’m pretty sure. Yeah, really.

I’ve been tooling along right now. Getting runs in, but have not settled on my marathon training plan. There is a reason for that too……

Picking a plan means that I have to set a goal of some type. Then there is the whole picking a plan that is realistic for where I am now in my training, where I will be as I train, and the toll it might take on my body. I also need to decide what I am willing to give up to reach any goals I set.

Currently I am settled on following a Hal Higdon plan. I’m torn between a few of his plans.

“Novice 1 Marathon Training Program. If you are training for your first marathon, this is the training program for you! Even if you are an experienced marathoner, you may choose this as a gentle and low-mileage approach to your favorite sport”

“Novice 2 is designed to fit comfortably between the Novice 1 and Intermediate 1 marathon plans. It is designed for runners who may already have run and finished their first marathon and want to add just a bit more mileage while training for their second or third marathons, hoping to improve their times”

“Intermediate 1 Marathon Training Program is one step up from Novice 2. It is designed for runners who may have used the novice programs to run their first marathons and who are now looking to increase their training levels and hoping to improve their Personal Records.”

In looking at a side by side comparison, the Novice 2 & Intermediate 1 are very similar in mileage. Obviously though there will be differences in pace and training runs. Novice 1 is where I am if training started today, but I have a month so I could get myself ready to start one of the others if I push myself. I’m not looking to PR as I just don’t see that in my future. Although maybe I could PR as Hypopara athlete. Last year I crossed NY in 6:10. Chicago I crossed in 5:48. Maybe I could realistically cross in 5:00 or 5:30? Who knows. My speed has increased since being on Natpara but not sure how that will translate on longer runs with endurance.

It really depends if I want to just train to run a good race and finish or if I’m willing to push the boundaries. I’m not sure that is worth it anymore. When you go through periods that it’s all you can do to make it through the day and then start to feel better again, it’s hard to put it on the line for a finish line.

Every person training for a marathon has to decide how much they are willing to give up and be willing to do to get the finish line and reach their goals. You have to be willing to give up time with your family. You have to push your body to its limit. You have to learn to push through pain because there is always pain at some point. You have to be willing to train even when you don’t want to. You have to run further than you realistically want to. You have to take care of your body, so that it can take care of you and some people will view this as luxury when it is necessity.

Training also takes a toll on you mentally. There will be times when you feel like you can’t go any further. You will doubt yourself, your abilities and your body. Your mind will play tricks on you telling you that you can’t do it, that you should stop, that it’s not worth it and more. You will hear everything from your inner voice from “I’ve got this” to “WTH are you doing?”

That being said, seriously, crossing the finish line always makes it worthwhile.

I’ll be honest…. One of the reasons that I’m having a hard time picking a plan is because I’m not sure how much fire that I have in me anymore. There was a time where I trained hard for a 4:30 marathon. I was 8 minute shy and to a runner, you know it might as well been 8 hours. During that training cycle I got a sub 2 half though. I’m not sure I have that in me anymore. Getting to the finish line might just be enough. Some days not taking a nap is enough.

So as I ponder this, I think I might start out with Novice 1 and am taking intermediate off the table. I will start with 1 and see how I feel. If as the miles increase I feel that I can push it further, I can take it up to Novice 2. Mentally it is better to go up a training plan than have to downgrade.

So the next month, I will start pre-training. Getting 3 solid runs in building up to the fist long run of 6 miles. I’ve got this….