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Sometimes I Forget

Sep1

When you are a healthy runner, you can still run into issues with your training. You can over train. You can become dehydrated. You do so many things wrong, but usually there is some wiggle room. When you have Hypopara (or any other health issue), you might not have so much wiggle room. Sometimes you forget that too.

Today was a day to remind me of that. A day where I got the not so gentle reminder that there isn’t as much wiggle room as I would like to pretend. It is easy to forget these things. It is easy to pretend that you just take extra calcium and meds just because. Especially when for the most part you are stable. Yes, you sometimes get gentle reminders that you need to take some more meds….. a “dancing” of your leg muscles, a little tingle here or there, but nothing crazy.

Training has been going well. I haven’t necessarily been following the plan perfectly, but enough that I feel comfortable with it. Enough to know that I can run a half in 3 weeks and continue with it to run the Hat Trick in October. I’ve done multiple back to back runs. Some of them have even been a run in the evening followed by run the next morning. All Good.

Yesterday I went for a training run with my friend. We did an easy 6 miles. No issues. Run itself was comfortable and left feeling like I could run more. We did it!

This morning I left for another 5 miles. I was adding some hills, since the Hat Trick has lots of them. I wasn’t going to race. I wasn’t going to be fast. My goal was to try to be steady. Figure out a walk/run plan. I was about half mile out when I realized that I forgot my water. It was hot and humid, but I figured lets just keep going. So I did…..

Like all runners, I monitored the way my body was feeling during the run. Today I was really just focused on completing the miles, watching pace to make sure I wasn’t running too fast, and trying a new walk/run plan (8 to 1). I was trying to run a smart training run.

During the run there were times I felt the tingles that sometimes come when running. I adjusted. I just wanted to push to 5 miles watching my heart rate and pace. I’ve felt these tingles before. These are just little warning bells, but nothing crazy. Once I hit the 5 miles, I walked.

I had 1/2 mile to go and figured a walk would be a good cool down. The tingles became more intense, but again nothing crazy. As soon as I got in the house I made my ice water with electrolyte powder. While sometimes after a hard workout I will take some extra calcium, thankfully today I also took an extra Calcitriol. Minutes later both my hands seized up with tetney or as I call it, the claw hand. I could not open. I could not close. I also having severe tingling and pressure in both arms and lips/face.

I admit it, I got very nervous especially because I was home alone and would be for hours. I wasn’t sure if I was going to pass out. I asked Siri to call the friend I ran with yesterday. She is familiar with my issues and as a bonus she is a PT who understands the body. I tied to be calm, but I think she knew I was freaked out and how I was feeling as I was swearing up a storm. I even gave her my address and unlocked the back door just in case I stopped talking to her. This was no joke. This was the worst crash I’ve ever had…. NO I AM NOT BEING DRAMATIC. Those who have been here understand.

Luckily as we stayed on the phone with my friend little by little my hands became my own. I would happily tell her, “my pinky and tall finger are moving!” It slowly released me after quickly grabbing on. She said she knew when I was feeling better when I stopped swearing.

Once my body was my own again, I texted my doctor. She called minutes after getting my text. I love her so:). We talked about what happened. What I needed to do as far as meds. She felt that we would rather go on side of dealing with high calcium than low…. Although the high never came. She gave me instructions on what to do if the tetney came back…. It was go to ER for possible calcium infusion. Thankfully that never came either.

I am ok now. I literally did nothing for the rest of the day. Resting. Eating calcium rich foods as well as following the regime she gave me for meds.

So today was a reminder. Be smarter. Be prepared. Most of all know that even if one day something works, that Hypopara does what it wants when it wants. That being said, I know hope is on the horizon. Hopefully in 6 months to a year I can be on the hormone replacement. Until then, I am thankful this is (for me) a very rare moment.

Stay safe.

Stay healthy

Most of all…

Never give up.

Hitting 5 miles.

Hope

Aug18

This was a full week filled with work, training and hope! So lets break it down….

Training has been going well. As I said, I am not going to do every run as a run, but I am doing my training. I also am trying to be proactive and went totally the podiatrist to get a new pair of orthotics. I have suffered with plantar fasciitis in the pst, so I am trying to get ahead of it. This is also one of the reasons that i am not doing all my training as running. There is a benefit to it.

I was surprised that when I went to the podiatrist he told me that the last time I got orthotics was in 2017. I knew it had been a while, but that is definitely too long for feet like mine. I am also trying to make sure to do some daily exercises and stretches. I really want to do all i can not to deal with the pain of plantar faciatis. Fingers crossed.

As for the hope……..

This week TransCon PTH was approved by the FDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is now the first hormone replacement therapy approved for those of us with Hypopara. I am excited because I remember how I felt when I was taking Natpara (another therapy that was pulled). That being said, I also know getting on it will be a whole other hurdle.

When I was on Natpara it required special approval because it was not FDA approved. It also was extremely expensive. It didn’t cost me anything because it was all covered by Shire (the company) seeking approval. The cost was nothing to sneeze at since it was over $10 THOUSAND dollars a month. So there’s that, but I haven’t heard the cost of TransCon yet.

I am hopeful that even if it has a high cost that I would still qualify but I’m not sure cost wise if it will be affordable. Fingers crossed. I think that I would qualify since I am slowly damaging my kidneys with my high urine calcium levels. I check my levels every 6 months. My last 24 hour urine level was 560 even though I take “low” doses of calcium and calcitriol. My levels are usually over 350, but I’ve been over 500 a few times. For those unsure what this means, for someone without Hypopara a high level is anything over 250. They give some leeway for those of us with it, but anything over 300 is considered high….. So go me:)

These high levels are the reason I have said that I am trying not to add calcium into my training but work in the constrains of what I normally take. I may adjust when I take, but I really am trying not to add more unless it is necessary to keep my serum calcium levels in check.

Balance…

Balance…

Balance…..

So looking forward to the day that I can take an injection of PTH daily and then let my body do what it is supposed to do. Until then….

Here we are:)

Are you planning to get in line to get on TransCon?

Empty Cup

Aug7

I am following a training plan to run on tired legs. Here’s the thing though…… My legs are always tired, sore and feel like I need to stretch which is why for Christmas I got a leg massager.

Sometimes you feel like your cup is filled.

Sometimes you feel like your cup is half filled.

And sometimes…..

Sometimes you feel like not only is your cup empty, but maybe it has a crack in it and is broken.

Today I had 5 miles on my training plan. I had every intention of running. The weather while rainy had cooled significantly. I was looking forward to it. Then I hit the wall.

As a runner, most of us know that feeling of hitting a wall. Usually this is on mile 20 of a marathon. I’ve done that and it’s not pretty. Sometimes though with Hypopara, you don’t need to be running a marathon to hit the wall.

Today was one of those day. I woke up, went to work as a preschool teacher, and come home with intention of running. I still had some things I needed to do at home and did them. I forgot to take my afternoon calcium which I normally take when I get home. Apparently that was enough to hit the wall.

What does my wall feel like….. It is intense fatigue. I have said to my family that it is not that I want to take a nap, but I NEED to take a nap. Like I can’t go another step. Luckily I don’t hit this as much as I used to, but when I do there is no ignoring it.

So I curled up on the couch and took a short nap. It was enough to get me going. Not to run, but to get other things done that needed to be done

So pushing a run back a day is better than trying to push through on a day like today.

If you know, you know:)

Tomorrow is another day.

Hello is it Me Your Looking For?

Aug3

Hello…… It’s been a hot minute. I thought I gave up blogging. I really didn’t think I had much to say anymore. I didn’t think anyone would miss it. Then I remembered that I started this blog for me and I missed it.

I think one of the reasons that I stopped blogging is because I didn’t really know where I fit in. When I started this blog, I was your average woman in her 40’s working on getting into shape by signing up for an event. I had goals. I had will. That’s what I blogged about. I was a middle of the pack runner who was driving to bbetter. I was making progress too. I had worked with a coach. I completed lots of events. I finished a 50K, multiple marathons and was training to run a 4 hour marathon. It was in reach.

Now I won’t get into how I blew it in 2016 running NYC Marathon like it was a half marathon and paying the price. I’ve already blogged about that. I had chances to correct that mistake….. or so I thought.

Two weeks after that race is when I had my thyroid removed. Those who have been here a while know that took me into the journey of Hypoparathyroidism. It has slowed me down. It has definitely put a speed bump in my path. It has done a lot, but what it has not done is cause me to give up.

It took a while, but I continued to push through. Learning along the way. While I continued to blog and train….. I wasn’t sure where I fit into it all. I wasn’t sure that those that were following my blog previously wanted to hear these new trials and tribulations because really they signed up for a running blog.

I tried…. I tried… I tried….. and tried some more. I just didn’t feel like I was being authentic with every post. This may have been why the posts became far and few between until they just stopped.

Again….. I never stopped.

I’m rebranding. If you’re looking for a traditional running blog, this may not be longer be where you want to be. Although truth be told, I’m not even sure who is her anymore….. The reason I like blogging is that often it feels like talking to myself. So if you’re here, please say Hello!

Hypopara is strange. It is the only time when the body is missing a hormone (PTH) where there is currently no FDA approved hormone replacement treatment available. It’s coming. So they say. Those of us in the Hypopara community have heard this before. We’ve had the rug pulled out from us when they took away Natpara. So we shall see and we shall continue to wait while going about our business.

Anyway, this blog will still focus on my running, but it is going to focus on my running as a Hypopara athlete. There is no one size fits all with Hypoparaa. Our bodies all handle things differently. Like everything in life, we each just do what we can. So if you are new to the blog as a Hypopara athlete, please say Hi too:)

Now that that is out-of-the-way…… Let me tell you what I’m up to.

I have just started training for a half marathon. This half is actually going to be used as a training run because my real goal is to complete the Quadruple Play Marathon Challenge…. NO IT IS NOT A MARATHON. It is a 3.8 trail run on Friday. Then Saturday a 5K followed shortly with a 10K. Then a Half Marathon on Sunday.

I have done this event before. More than once. I’ve done it Hypopara too. The last time I signed up for it, I was not ready. It broke me a little bit because it was my first and only DNS. I was not in a good spot with my calcium levels and training. I only was able to do the trail, 5k, & 10k. I never came back to do the Half. So there’s that. I’ve got something to prove. To no one else but myself.

Game on!

Bringing My A Game

Mar19

When I worked with a running coach a few years ago, she always had me come up with 3 goals prior to an event.

A Goal – A goal within reach, but one that you need to work for

B Goal – A doable goal

C Goal – What is the minimum that you will be happy with.

So for the NYC Half, I kept these goals to myself. I knew going into my training that I really would like to run the half in under 3 hours. While training, I did not train for this goal so much as realize that this was within reach if I pushed just enough. I mostly trained by feel and heart rate. I made sure to do my training runs at a push and my long runs slower than I felt I could push. I always wanted to finish a training run like I could do more if needed. I usually did too.

One thing that I was very conscious of during my training is that I did not want to add extra calcium. What I tried to do was to time my daily calcium in a way to incorporate into my runs.

It has taken me some time since my surgery to get to this point, but I finally finally finally came to the mindset of………. I want to run, but I need to run smart. All the time. I can not push the pace to the point where I need to add more calcium. While it temporarily will feel right, long term it is not for me.

Since my surgery, I have been fighting high urine calcium levels. At it’s highest it was 578. (For those not Hypopara and unfamiliar anything over 250 is high. For Hypopara, your doctors try to keep it in around 300)……. Now it was at the highest, when I was taking .5 calcitriol twice a day with calcium through out the day. I also took extra calcium to run runs the way that pushed my body. My levels have come down, but even with being careful they are steadily going back up. I am currently at levels over 350.

So what does this mean…… basically these higher levels are hard on my kidney’s. I am lucky that currently I have had no kidney issues; BUT I say this as my kidney functions have moderate loss of function. Not enough that I would notice, but until a PTH (Parathyroid Hormone that regulates calcium & phosphate in body) I will need to continue to take medication to regulate. These help me function like a normal person but also are hard on the kidneys. I am not willing to push my kidneys to the limit to run a pace that matters to no one.

Seriously, who cares about my pace?

For a while after my surgery, I did. I wanted to maintain where I was prior to surgery. I wanted to pretend that the surgery and Hypopara didn’t change me, but the truth of the matter it did. It was also about pride. I wanted to run the paces that I could. No lie, I did enjoy pushing myself. Running a Sub 2 half (prior to surgery). Running 9 minute paces. Being a front of the middle runner.

Guess what?

I am no longer a mid pack runner. I am a back of the pack runner. I am starting in the last wave and in some cases the last corral.

Here is what I’ve come to realize though……

I am starting. I am running…… I am still me. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride. Put it aside and know that it only matters to you. When I was able to put pride aside, I was able to train where I am and not where I wanted to be. I was able to train smart. To listen to my body. To run smarter and not harder. By doing that, I was able to actually do what I wanted to do.

I put pride aside. I made a realistic goal. If I hadn’t made it, I would have been ok. But the fact that I made it shows that I am doing what I need to do. Most of all, I did it by working smarter and not harder.

So what does this mean….

This means more running in my future. I even signed up for a fall race. One that I did previously. The Hat Trick. A 5k & 10K on a Saturday followed by a half on Sunday.

Crazy?

Yes.

Exciting?

You bet…. Can’t wait.

Stay tuned because believe it or not, there is more to talk about regarding the NYC Half. Although this is enough for today.

Ready to Begin….. AGAIN!

Dec23

Time has passed.

I’ve rested.

Like really, really, really rested.

I had thought about it, but was not motivated. I could not force it. I could not fake it until I felt it. I just wasn’t there.

Not even a smidgen.

I couldn’t pretend. I couldn’t show up. It’s not even that I wasn’t motivated. It is that I just didn’t care. I didn’t miss running. I didn’t miss working out. I didn’t even have a spark.

I was tired. Like really, really tired. Now to be honest, I’m still tired. I’m still sore. I’ve still got a lot of things going on. Working full time, baking, and medical stuff. But there is a difference now.

I am actually ready to begin. I am not being forced into it. I want to do it. This is good now too because I got into the NYC Half Marathon. My training plan starts next week and here’s the thing……… I am excited to be starting. I am excited to try again.

I do also have a motivation. I had my physical earlier this month. Somethings expected. Things like being overweight. Cholesterol going up a little bit but not enough for medication which I am happy about. I don’t want to add anything else as the Hypopara is enough. Super High urine calcium levels as always (due to meds/calcium needed for the Hypopara) – Not unexpected, but concerning. Not much to do right now as I don’t qualify for the trial of the PTH therapy. The surprise was the pre-diabetes.

Whelp……….

That will be a wake up call.

Although this wasn’t what made me ready to start. This was the final motivation to do so. Timed perfectly with getting into the NYC Half.

So here is being ready to train. Missing the feeling of running and wanting to be better. What is nice is that I will be doing a recheck of my labs in March to see if a follow up is needed, but this is same time as the HM.

Here’s to doing better.

Here’s to feeling better.

And most of all….

Here is to actually wanting to Start again.

I’ve already taken the first step and started at a gym getting set up to work out.

I know it won’t be easy. I know my body will resist. I will be sore. I will be tired…… but here’s the thing

I can do hard things.

I am ready to do hard things.

I am ready….. really, really, ready.

Most of all, I want it this time.

It’s go time.

It’s Go Time

Aug14

This year, I set a “simple” goal of completing one event either virtual or in person a month. We are on month 8 and so far so good. Most events have been in person. This month I have yet to decide on weather I will do an in person event at end of the month or a virtual one, but it will get done.

I’ve done these events because that was my goal for the year. I said it, so you know I was going to follow through. This was my only goal for the year and at the time I set it, that was enough.

It is no longer enough. While I am not ready to say I am jumping in to training for a marathon, I’ve realized that I want to do more. ( I will add with the heat this summer, my crazy schedule, and again the heat; I am so happy not to be training for anything!). I am also not saying that I will be doing one next year, but I am at the point I am questioning/thinking about the day I will be ready.

So with that being said, I’m planning for 2024. Thinking….. Do I want to do a marathon? Do I want to do 9 plus 1 to get into NYC marathon for 2025? Do I want to only run Half Marathon’s as a goal. What to do? What to do? Fortunately I have time to decide, but I also want to put myself in a position to be able to make these choices.

So short term but very real and concrete goals that need to be met to put me on the path for future goals.

Goal # 1 –

I need to loose a minimum of 20 pounds.

Will it be easy? Hell no.

Do I like tracking my food? Not in the least.

Is making this a goal necessary? You bet.

I am the heaviest I’ve every been non pregnant. And while I don’t really care about my round belly, I also know that it is not good for me for multiple reasons. So it is time, I do something about it. Like everyone, I know it won’t be easy, my metabolism is a zero and with Hypopara it can be more challenging.

Here’s the thing……. I CAN DO HARD THINGS.

So game on. One week in and it seems to be working. I’m tracking which is getting me thinking about my choices.

If I want to get myself into a position where I have choices to run longer, I need to get my weight down as for me it will have an impact on running with my feet issues.

Goal # 2 –

RUN & Cross Train

While I don’t know what my last event this year will be, I want to run it and run it comfortably. Run a 5K as a 5K. Also this will put me into a position to decide what goals I want to set next year.

On top of tracking my food, I started challenging myself to close all of my rings on my apple watch. Not just calories burned, but also completing 20 minutes of exercise a day.

I also know that I ran my best when I did more than just running. So I need to as I work on my running, cross train. I literally have a full gym in my garage. So I need to use it! I have started a Fiton program to do that

Goal # 3

Start all of this where I am today not where I was and realize that I will get where I need to go. You don’t start driving in 4th gear, so I can’t start this program where I want to be.

Reality is what it is and when you don’t live in it that is when you will have issues.

Almost one week down and so far so good. Yeah, I know it’s only been a week; but you must celebrate your successes. One week at a time. Sometimes one day at a time.

Just Put on the Shoes

Jul23

Giving up is a choice.

Starting is a choice.

Waiting, ignoring and waiting some more to start is also a choice.

I feel like I am always waiting for the shoe to drop. Waiting. Wondering. When is it going to drop and what will happen when it does.

Here is the thing. What if I stop waiting for the shoe to drop and put them on and just run with it.

Easier said than done, but I’m trying.

What you do when no one is watching is more important than when you have an audience. (I know that is pretty funny being as I’m writing this for my blog, but there are only a handful of you who read. So I’m good:) )

Here is the thing…. Everyone is doing their own thing. Focused on their own goals, dreams, and trying to figure out their own path. No two paths are ever the same even if they are parallel. Everyone also has a reason for where they are on their path.

For me….. (I know broken record)……. I was in a good place right before my thyroid surgery and becoming Hypopara. I was running the fastest I’ve run (the whole sub 2 NYC Half). I was at a good weight. I was also running longest distances with not just a marathon but completing my one and so far only 50k. Things were good. Right up until they weren’t.

Isn’t that the same for everyone though. No one knows what will happen in their lives. No one can predict with certainty where they will be, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t still decide where they want to go. I forgot that……

I’ve given up on having control thinking that my weight, my running, my everything was out of my control due to Hypopara, age and metabolism. Treding water just thinking that was all I could do. Silently struggling and not even knowing I was taking on water?

Often you don’t realize how much you have been struggling until you get to the side and hold on, looking back and thinking about the struggle. We live in a society where strength is revered. Being a Bad Ass is a complement. We are told to power through and push through. Never being told that we need and should take a moment to breathe.

It is only when we exhale, can we see how much we needed the air.

So here I am on the exhale realizing that I’ve been waiting for change to happen…… Yes, I’ve met with nutritionists, I’ve gone through motions,, I’ve complained, I’ve lamented, I’ve waited and waited and waited…… I’m not sure what I was waiting for, but think I finally realized what I was waiting for……….

I was waiting for me.

I was waiting for me to be sick and tired of making excuses even if they are valid. I was waiting to get the fire back that I was trying to force myself to have. I was waiting to decide that I’m not just going through the motions, but that I want to do them. I was waiting to decide that I am ready to set goals and actually stick to them. I was waiting to exhale.

So here I am setting concrete goals, working toward them and realizing that I will be doing them because I actually want to and not because I feel like I need to. My first event was almost 10 years ago. I had fire. I had drive and I had will and it was all internal.

I am there again.

Stay tuned……

Stepping Out of Fear

May22

Often we live in fear and don’t even realize it. We wait for the shoe to drop. We expect the worst. We don’t even realize that it is there, because it almost becomes part of us. What fear does most though is the way it holds us back. We think, if I do this then X will happen. I can’t do this because Y will happen. So then nothing happens. We stand still and fear wins even if we don’t recognize it as what it is.

I have been letting fear hold me back. Now, don’t get me wrong….. there is a HUGE difference between being responsible, smart and listening to experts advice. There is also something to be said for not going in all willy nilly and not taking facts into consideration.

FACTS……

I have Hypoparthyroidism

I need to balance keeping my serum calcium levels in check while keeping my urine levels in check. (Yes, it is harder than it sounds)

Currently, running longer distances requires more calcium supplements which raises urine calcium levels. As does running faster paces.

I am currently under the care of a Endocrinologist whom not only do I feel, but 100% know understands this crazy disorder.

I am very lucky!

So with all of these hard and true facts, there is also some truth that needs to be faced. Due to fear of pushing my body too hard, I realized that I have not been pushing it enough. There are also some extenuating circumstances.

EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES……

There are only so many hours in the day and I have been burning the bridge at both ends….. between work, taking classes for CDA (Child Development Associate), my home baking business, my home, and trying to have a life; I have not been pushing myself to follow a routine.

But there is light at the tunnel. I have completed all my CDA classes, had the required evaluation and preparing to take the state test next month. I am also looking forward to only working 3 mornings a week over the summer and I realize I set the schedule for my home baking business.

Yesterday, I continued my goal of running one event a month. I haven’t been running or training as mentioned above. Yet, I ended up running (walking some) and finishing well.

As my friend said who I ran with (slightly paraphrasing) …….. You don’t run or train, yet you pull running a 5K out of your ass like you did the 10K in January. So shut up.

So with that….. I will not shut up because you know I can’t. What I will do though is stop letting the fear of failure, the fear of not being where I think I should be therefor keeping me from where I could go, and the fear of what if’s from keeping me from what I can do.

What I can do is face each day with hope, the knowledge that it will be what it will be and there are no guarantees.

Showing Up

Mar29

We show up for work. We show up for school. We show up for our friends, for all our responsibilities and we show up for so many things that we don’t even want to but feel we need to. We show up for everyone and everything else that often we forget to show up for ourselves.

Wait what????

We forget to show up for ourselves by letting people treat us wrong for too long. For not standing up for ourselves. For constantly putting the to do list before ourselves. No don’t get me wrong, there are times where it is pertinent and necessary for others and our to do list to come first. The problem is we often make that a pattern. We often make that the norm. We often say I need to do this, this, and this first. Then I will take care of myself

STOP THAT!

I realized that part of my issue with getting back on track is that before I would do a work out, before I would plan for my meals, before I would take care of myself; I felt I needed to take care of everything else. That everything else list has and always will be long long… Long… And never ending

I’m working towards my CDA. Lots of time there.

I started a home baking business and often have orders

I have a job outside the home that I am required to show up for.

I have a home and family that requires tending

Here’s the thing, though… I never put myself on the list or at the top of the list recently. And if I’m not on the list, then I’m not a priority. The things that I need to do for me are not getting done. I make sure everyone else in my home is taken care of up to, and including my pets. I forgot about me

Wow, many things on my to do list need to be done. There is still time in the day for me though. It will require planning/. It will require prioritizing. Most of all it will require knowing that I should….. No, that I need to be on the list as well!! So with that being said , I am making myself a priority. Yes cookies need to be baked, dinners need to be made and jobs need to be done, but there is still time for me.

Do you make time for you? So many of us especially mothers are used to putting everyone and everything before us but when the pattern does not allow for any time, there is a problem.

Since I have started putting myself on the list……

Workouts are getting done

My own meal planning is getting priority (loving meal service).

Feeling better and actually less stressed

How do you show up for yourself?