Tag Archive | Encouragement

Any Day is the Day

Jan1

The problem with creating goals is that we either make goals that are too big or goals that are too small. We need to find the Goldilocks of goals to actually be able to do what we want. And when I say we, I mean me. Here is the thing……. I am not at a place where I am going to make a goal for a specific pace, number of events, streaking, or even number of pounds.

Here’s the problem…….

When goals are too small, you reach them. Check it off your list and move on. But that is hardly ever the problem. Often we make BIG BIG goals which sometimes require not just small changes but overall life change. You can’t change everything at once or it gets both too overwhelming and actually unreachable. And we are at that time of year again where people will resovle to turn it all around.

Here is the harsh truth. Some statistics show that 25% fail with in the first week. After 6 months, only 46% are still on track and by year end only 9% feel that they kept their resolutions.

Now this is not to say that you shouldn’t make resolutions. Goals. Want to do better. Definitely, we should all strive to do better…..

but….

but…

What if we do it in a more realistic way. A smarter way. A way where we might actually reach our goals. The problem though is (for me) it can’t be an all or nothing approach from the beginning because if thats the case I will be out by the end of first week.

Yes, I know my end goal is to eat healthier, loose some pounds, get on a track with an exercise program. That is a lot to take on our once and I know I won’t do it all the first day of January! So I am going to make small goals along the way. Reachable goals with attainable, verifiable checkmarks.

  1. Start tracking food. I need to do this as I am meeting with nutritionist on the 12th. So I have to track for this appointment to actually mean anything. (Attainable and realistic goal).
  2. I am not training for anything right now. Not planning to do so either, but I have a home gym and really no excuse not to use it. I also know that streaking isn’t for me. I’m tired. I work. I have a life, but I need to be active for 30 minutes at least 4 days a week. This will be 4 days more than I am right now, so theres that bonus.

Thats it for now. I can’t realistically make more of a plan than that because if I do, I am setting myself up for failure. So with that I am starting my year off with hope! Every year, every day, every hour, and even if you need to hold onto it every minute is a new opportunity. A new chance to reach, to dream, to plan.

So on this first day of the year, it is always a time to reflect. Reflect on where we came from. The struggles we’ve overcome. The joys and triumphs. To think about what we want to accomplish. What we want to plan. Where we want to end up. So while time really is a man-made constraint and we don’t need to wait for this first day to make a change, this is a day we are wired to do so. The bottom line though, is that if you don’t do it today, you can still do it tomorrow or any day you choice. For me, I choice today.

And with that, I will lace up and do my local Hangover 5k…… And I’m off.

Just Doing My Best

Sep29

I wake up tired.

I am tired all day.

I fall asleep on the couch…..tired

I don’t always sleep well in bed though.

Could be age. You know having to get up for the bathroom.

Could be damn Cpap machine that gurgles, hisses and is stuck on my head.

Could be the hypopara muscle aches and all the fun that goes with it.

Could be mind spinning and spinning.

Who knows. Sleep is a mysterious thing which is why I assume there are so many books about it. That being said, all this tiredness makes for an unmotivated not moving as much as I should be person.. All I know is that I am not alone in my struggle. The struggle is real and so many of us go through it.

i will be honest too…… Staying on track is hard. Staying motivated may be even harder. The why bother it never works devil is real. The does it really make a difference voice is loud. The does it even matter whispers are shouts. What is the point is the biggest struggle. Round and round and round it goes till you are paralysed into doing nothing.

nothing.

nothing

nothing.

No plan.

No blogging to keep yourself honest.

No coming up with goals but finding so many excuses.

Now here me out……… Some of these “excuses” are vaild. Many of them are real making what feels like an impossible situation like climbing a mountain without gear. I often forget though…..

I can do hard things!

I have done hard things.

Now the question I have to seriously start asking though…….

Do I want to do them?

What is the benefit of doing them? What is the detriment of not doing them? And the absolute hardest question….. Why am I afraid of doing them? Of making a plan…… of sticking to it…. Of being willing to falter….. of doing something even if I am the only one who cares that I am doing it?

The truth boils down to….. Fear of failure. Fear of stating that something I strive for might be out of reach…. We don’t stop growing because we fail, we stop growing because we stop trying.

I, once again, might be ready to face reality and try. There are some truths to. I have medical condition that makes trying harder some days them others. I am a home baker. There will be snacks but I can adjust. I am a middle age woman with the metabolism of a dead person. I need to move more and make excuses. I need to at the very least try.

Goal #1

I need to eat healthier.

Goal # 2

I need to move in a more constent manner and come up with a plan.

Goal # 3

I need to make myself accountable. For me that will mean documenting it all. The struggles. The small (and hopefully) big victories and just be real that it isn’t always going to work. So I need to adjust and not give up.

While this morning, I did weigh myself and take measurements, weight is not the goal. More importantly, the numbers that I need to improve…. Cholesterol, calcium, kidney function and the rest will work itself out.

so here is to trying!

Becoming Stationary

Aug3

Often you don’t know you are moving forward till you look back. Only then can you see how far you have come. Sometimes though, you might not see how far you have come but realize that instead…… you are in the same place. That nothing has changed. That while you thought you were moving forward but that you realize that you didn’t do the things you thought you were doing. That you have been stationary or worse thinking you were going forward but on a treadmill not really going anywhere

That you have just been going through the motions.

Questions being asked……

Am I blogger?

Based on my current blogging history, maybe not. Does anyone still even read this? I’m not sure. If you do, feel free to comment and say Hi:). I feel like I haven’t had much to say. If I can’t motivate myself, why would anyone want to read about an unmotivated runner.

Am I a runner?

Why is this always such a hard question to answer? It really shouldn’t be since I’m kind of (yes, I said that) training for the virtual NYC marathon. I also have run several 5K’s and 2 half marathons this year…. Yet, yet, yet….. somehow I don’t feel like a runner anymore which really doesn’t make sense. If you run, you are a runner. I know that mentally but somehow in my heart

It’s also funny because my kick ass 75 year old mother who this year battled a pulmonary embolism is back to running. She refuses to call herself a runner which annoys me. She is constantly saying, I am just jogging. I’m not a runner like you. She is running usually at a 16 minute plus pace but she is out there getting it done. She is running. Plus as previously mentioned, she is 75!!! She is putting me to shame with her drive. I keep telling her that she needs to give her body a chance to recover. I would bet that she has logged more miles this year than me. 6 miles here. 4 there. Day after day. Yet she doesn’t see it. I do though and while she says I motivate her, she motivates me.

oh, and as I’ve mentioned before all these miles she is putting in are on her street. Back and forth she goes. With her new water belt and tracking on her watch. She is a true bad ass.

So with that inspiration, I know that if she can start running in her 70’s, Continue to run after literally almost dying, continuing to run to the point where I tell her to give it a rest, then maybe just maybe I should take my head out of my ass and get moving.

In November, I will be completing the NYC virtual marathon. This will be my 10th marathon. I know my marathon times have gotten slower, but I’m still out there. Still plugging away. Even though training is different, I am still training. My body is different, but for now it is still capable. Oh, and I am also training to compete a Sprint Tri. Isn’t that enough?

I realize though that it is not just me because in a running group someone new posted about being a “casual runner.” I think we all do that and we all need to stop. If you lace up your shoes, you are a runner. Stop. Full Stop.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to others, to our younger self and realize that we are all just doing the best we can on any given day.

PS – The summer heat is not helping!

All or Nothing

Jan19

Why do we think it has to be all or nothing?

Why do we think that we have to go all in?

Why is balance so hard?

I admit that I have a problem with balance. It might be one of the things that works in my favor when it comes to getting shit done. It also might be one of the things that works against me when it comes to getting shit done. The all or nothing approach comes at a cost.

We can’t start eating healthy because it’s just to hard to give everything up.

We can’t start working out because we don’t have time to commit

We can’t because of this or that or this or that……

But what if instead of thinking we have to commit 110% percent…… What if we just realized that just doing something is better than doing nothing.

What if instead of going gang busters on a new diet plan that we know long term we won’t stick to, we decide that we look at where and how we can make even what might appear to be small changes?

What if instead of waking up at 5:00 AM (you know I’m never doing that) to squeeze in our workout/run in, we just look at what we can do and give that time..

What if instead of thinking that we need to run as fast as we can for what we deem is necessary distance, we just decide to give what we are able to give.

What if instead of sitting on the couch binging Yellowstone (highly recommend), we do it from the treadmill or stationary bike?

There are ways to make what might appear to be small changes….. some might even say insignificant changes……. in a way that are not only sustainable but together can bring big change.

Here is the bottom line…… If you continue to do the same thing, nothing changes. If you start with small changes over time, they will lead to big changes.

So start where you are!

Do what you can!

Most of all be kind to yourself in the process, because you are worth it:)

In Waiting Room

Jan9

Why are we also perpetually putting our happiness in the waiting room?

I will be happier when I get a new job….

I will be happier when I’m single/married…..

I will be happier when I can fit into a size x again….

I will be happier when I loose X number of pounds…..

I will be happier when I can hit X pace, PR, finish a certain event…..

I will be……

What if we just focus on the will be and see where that takes us?

What if instead of putting our happiness in the waiting room, we focus on what we can do to be happy where we are?

Easier said than done and we all know that.

We live in a society where we are always looking for the next shiny object that is supposed to make us happier. Supposed to make us feel complete. We live in a society that also knows that the discontent makes money.

Now it may seem like I am saying not to have goals…. not to strive for things…… Not to look forward but thats not what I’m saying at all. I am saying we must learn to embrace where we are, what we have, and what we can do in our lives who anything we do will never be good enough.

It also doesn’t help that many of us feel like we are in a holding pattern since the beginning of the Covid Pandemic. NO LIFE DIDN’T STOP even if it is not the same but in many ways a lot is still on hold.

When I was in top form chasing sub 2 half marathons (check), 25 minute 5K (never got it only hit 26 minutes) and a 4:30 half (another miss); these goals kept me motivated. They inspired me to push, but the chase is what made me happy. The disappoints may have been real in not hitting goals, but they also weren’t life changing when I didn’t reach them just as they weren’t when I did.

I was happy with the chase and any goals achieved were the cherry on top.

Right now, I am trying to motivate myself for just the chase. So much to be done and not enough time to do it is keeping the motivation at bay. Many of us are in the same boat because of jobs, family responsibilities, and just the day to day of life. Right now I keep waiting for the motivation to find me, but what I have to do is find the motivation. I’m looking…… I’m really looking…….

If you seek, you will find…..

Motivation…… I’m coming for you…… Is that considered motivation? lol

Nov17

Some people might think because I run marathons that I never suffer from issues from my Hypoparthyridism. They would be wrong. It just is part of the routine now.

Case in point

Claw hand

Yesterday, while cleaning kitchen. Not doing anything out of the ordinary. Unless you count really doing a deep clean. Hmmmm

I think the difference is that while running though, I really pay attention and adjust. During build up of the miles in my training for marathon, I pat attention to the signals. Monitoring when hands start to get tingly. Pay attention to how hard to push before adding more calcium. It is all so random to be honest and changes all the time. Things that always effect it though are temperatures when running, pace and how hard I’m pushing, time of day, time on feet, and really what the calcium Gods decide. At least that last one feels pretty accurate.

One thing that I realized during a training run is definitely extra calcium is required before mile 10. It is always better to keep the levels up than try to recover from when the hands start to tingle. During training if it was a longer run, I would make sure to take my morning dose of calcium and calcitriol before running. If it was a shorter run, I would take it as soon as I got home. If it was a LOOOONG training run, I might add extra calcium powder (Calez) to my water. If it was a hot day, I would do the same. Regardless though, I always kept a pack of the powder with me because some days I needed it and some days I didn’t, Really is a crap shoot.

On marathon day and the day before, I did some preparation. In eventing before the marathon, I took an extra dose of my Calcitriol because normally I aim to keep my blood calcium levels at just below or at the the low end of normal. So I didn’t want to go into the marathon with low calcium already. Then the morning of before I left at the super early hour of 6:00 AM, I took my morning dose which normally I don’t take until 10ish. Then I packed with me my normal meds but taking an extra dose with me as it was going to be a long and hard day. I wasn’t starting until 12:00, so I had to bob and weave before the bob and weaving actually began. So around 11:00 am or so, I took another dose of calcium and calcitriol which really would have been my normal time. Then I made sure to add Calez to one of my water bottles to have along the course. I saved another dose of my calcium, calcitriol and magnesium for when I finished. Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy.

I will say that I think for once I ran a smart race. It helped that I ran the first 16-17 miles with a friend. I think we kept each other in check. We ran paces that were sustainable. We ran smart. We also walked when needed but also encouraged each other to push ourselves to run. I ran a much smarter race when I was running with her. I would have loved to have run the whole thing with her, but we split up when she needed to stop for a bathroom pit stop. At that point, I really was afraid that if I stopped that it would be too hard to start up again. My legs were dead. My foot was hurting. Stopping was not an option for me unless I wanted to call it a day.

So I kept on going……

And going……

And going…..

At first I did not run as smart as I did when I was with Rosa, but I caught on to my stupidity. So I tried to run smarter. I walked more than I probably would have than if I was with her, but the pain was real.

But so was the joy….

The bottom line though was I still got where I wanted to get which was the finish line.

Yes, I know you’ve seen this photo before, but I do so love it.

Everyone who runs a marathon has hardships that they push through to get to the finish line. It wouldn’t be a marathon without it. This is just part of mine. Before becoming Hypopara, I didn’t have to take into account medications and added calcium, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t different challenges. As they say…….

If marathons were easy everyone would do them. I’m just too stubborn not to do what I have to do to get to the finish.

Passenger or Driver?

Sep25

You are either a passanger of life or you are driving. I have realized that recently I have been sitting back and allowing myself to view life as a passenger. Like I have no control on what is happening. Where I am headed and what choices do I have to make. Like the trip has been mapped out and I am just going along for the ride. Like it has been predetermined.

It is easy for this to happen. Your driving along. You hit a few speed bumps. Take a few turns and before you know it you are not only heading the wrong direction unaware but you put it on autopilot and just keep going.

I am stopping the ride, getting off and figuring out where I want to go and how I want to get there. In order to do that, I have to step back and just re-access. Start asking where I want to end up and what I’m willing to do to get there and why I want to go.

More to come as I start actually coming up to the answer to some questions

Are you a passenger or driver in your life? If you don’t know, then I think you know:)

Bob and Weave…. AGAIN

Sep13

I am at the point in my training where I am admitting that I have now failed in my training. That my training has gone off the rails. That I am not where I should be in my marathon training. That family events (passing of MIL), injuries (dealing with feet), flooding (we weren’t so bad, but dealing with flooded basement is exhausting), and just life in general has pushed training to back burner. I will say though that at least the burner is still on, so I am continuing to move foward.

This really is the time in everyone’s training where it is time to re-access and take stock. For some, they can realistically turn it around to possibly make any goals and tweak their training. Others will look at this as a time to decide weather even running is an option as they know they will not be happy with doing their best. For someone like me…. I am just adjusting expectations and I am ok with that.

Here is what I’ve got going for me….. My experience and my attitude.

Here is what is working against me….. My feet and not being where I should be in training.

So how to reconcile the two?

For me, it is and always been about expectations. Yes, I thought going into my training that I would be in a different place. My training started off great. I was following the plan. I was doing well. I was right on track, but we must remember that sometimes the tracks twist and turn. You have to be willing to twist and turn with them. So I am adjusting expectations which I am ok with. I was never going to win the NYCM. I was more than likely never going to finish under 5 hours which honestly in beginning I thought maybe just maybe would be doable. I used to be a upper middle pack runner, but those days are long gone.

I am a middle aged woman who is overweight with medical issues who also has feet that are not always happy.

For me…… Crossing a finish line of the NYC Marathon is a victory.

Now I do know for others, that not crossing in a certain time is a failure but failure is defined by how you define it in this situation.

I know my strengths. I have legs that dont give up and I do have the muscles and muscle memories to prove it. I also have the desire to get to the finish line. I also have the experience of completing 7 marathon’s (8 if you count a virtual one that I walked last year). 3 of these marathons are NY. I also have the knowledge that knowing my favorite marathon was my last in person NY which was also my slowest at 6:20:41 as I just took it all in. I ran some. I walked much, but I just enjoyed the experience. It is also the marathon that I remember the most about as I took in the crowds, the sites, and the people on the course.

I also know that I just really don’t care that much about my times anymore. OMG!!! Am I allowed to say that out loud? Yes, yes I am. Now don’t get me wrong….. everyone runs for their own reasons. There is nothing wrong with being someone who is running for time. I used to and I may again but I doubt it. I just want to run, walk and everything in between and feel good about it both physically and mentally.

Here is the thing…. I have a life outside of running. A life that I need to be on my feet for that life. For work – I am a preschool teacher which does not allow for much sitting. I love to bake which requires standing in kitchen. I have soccer games to attend and just life in general. So I can not push my body, my feet, to the point that it effects my life outside of running.

So here I go adjusting expectations …… AGAIN….. But isn’t that what life is about?

Just like when running in a crowded race, you must learn to bob and weave. So with that I am bobbing and weaving yet again.

Not quite winging it but close enough!

Be Brave (Take 2)

Mar6

Take 2! The first published before it saved changes. Those who I text regularly could recognize my crazy voice and fat finger typing without editing……. Plus, I hate when editing does not change:)

Anywho….

Consistency is key to anything. Repetition is what takes something and makes it learned behavior. Think when you learned your multiplication tables. Who remembers those drills, pop quizzes and all those practice, practice, practice. (yeah, maybe that was just me since math was never my forte). You didn’t learn them from osmosis or at least I didn’t. You’ll learned them because you continually worked on them. Practiced until it became instant recall. My son in college seems to be doing this with formula’s I couldn’t even begin to tell you what they are called, let alone their purpose. During the pandemic many took up baking bread. As a baker, I can attest the more you do so the better the end product. Baking bread to many was like a science experiment with many complicated but necessary steps. Over time it became easier to tell when kneading was done. When your dough had the the right texture,and eventually could just do it by feel. There was no second guessing, you just knew.

The same consistency is required with training and creating a workout routine. For most, we need to schedule time for your workout because it is not part of the routine nor necessarily something we are looking forward to (yet) . Eventually with consistency it becomes part of you and it feels strange if you miss it. I’ve mentioned before how my husband transformed himself with loosing weight through the tried and true method of diet and exercise. In the beginning, it was challenge but now he couldn’t imagine a day where he was not doing something physically active. It has become part of him and he looks forward to one of his daily workouts.

It takes bravery to step out and try something new. It takes bravery to commit to something. To put yourself out there no matter how far or near out there you may go. It takes bravery and commitment to say you are going to do something and then actually do it. Even if it isn’t working for you, it is so much easier to stay in the same place. There is comfort in the uncomfortableness of the known because while it may suck at least you know what you are dealing with. To stay with what is comfortable even if it is not where you want to be instead of tiptoeing into the unknown…… So no matter how hard it is to stay in one place, it is always so much harder to take the first step and then the second.

Consistency is needed in beginning of any plan. It is necessary until it becomes part of you.

Some will go far.

Some will go as far as they can.

Some will go fast.

Some will go as fast as they can.

Pace….. Distance…. Events…..

The most important thing is to be true to yourself. With that thought process, I’ve been plugging away on my half marathon training plan. I’ve been sticking to the program which I admit is much easier to do with a treadmill now. I used to hate treadmill running (and part of me still does), but since I’ve discovered watching shows on Netflix while running it isn’t bad. I also credit the treadmill with allowing me to reboot my training and keeping me in check with where I should be running for that reason alone I owe it some love. That being said, you can’t race from a treadmill which means you need to also do some training outside.

This week for the first time since I started following my Half Marathon training plan, I took the run outside. I didn’t watch my watch, but wanted to test myself and run by feel. I wanted to keep the run conversational for the most part, but also make it a worthwhile training run. So I chatted with myself. Tested how I felt and kept myself where I thought I should be running. Hours later I looked at my paces and info from my run and I surprised myself. I hit the paces that I should be hitting. I actually had surprisingly beautiful negative splits. Most of all and this is the best part…… I enjoyed the run. There was no beating myself up because I wasn’t hitting certain paces, that I was running too slow or any such thing. There was knowledge that I was doing what I should be doing and that was enough.

Sometimes that is more than enough. I know that if I pushed myself that I could hit faster paces, but for now this is not a tradeoff I am willing to make right now. I also realized that this was enough. It is always enough. I might actually be able to push myself faster and harder, but the cost to do so is one that I am no longer willing to pay. We all have to decide what we want. What we are willing to give up. What we are willing to trade off. What we are willing to work for and what is not worth the work. These are individual choices that no one can make for us. There is no one size fits all and that is ok.

What choices are you making today? Remember not making a choice is still a choice, so choose wisely my friend

Putting You in a Box

Dec28

Some people look at you not as you are but their vision of you. They look at you as who you were when you knew them – High School, College, job, time in your life, weight, or what ever they think of. Their vision does not necessarily meet reality. It is just the reality that they see and often they are wrong.

Often in life the struggle is knowing who you are. Being confident in who you are. Most of all not letting outside sources define you, but walk your own path. Many people will think they know you based on your social media posts alone, but does that mean they really know you?

People will judge you without truly knowing you. People will judge you based on their perception of you. People will judge you and not have all the facts even if they think they do. It’s not our job to provide these people the facts. It’s not our place to fill in the blanks for them. We owe them no explanations. Often we still explain ourselves. We feel we need to justify our life choices. We don’t.

I think I have said this before, but sometimes we must also realize that in some peoples story we will be the bad guy. Sometimes that’s true. Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes we can repair the damage. Sometimes we can’t and must walk away. That is life.

Today I had a moment where I realized that someone put me in a box that I don’t fit in. (Ok at the moment, I fit in them) I was talking to someone close to me who has recently gotten into running. I was mentioning how I was planning to start heart rate training. I was saying how I really don’t know what pace that I should be training with and how I was basing perceived paces on past paces. I went on to say before my 2016 thyroid surgery I was much faster and ran a 26:26 5K. They literally thought I was mistaken because the pace was 8:30 and they thought that was too fast for me (then).

I showed them my stats from Atlinks and pointed out that I used to be much faster and was quit the bad-ass at the time. Again this was someone in my life close to me. Someone who knows how much I love(d) running and how often I’ve run. They realized how much I raced. How many events I completed and all of that……. but they put me in a box. They didn’t see me for who I was at that time and only their perception of me.

Even now I know people define me….. Let them because their vision is not mine. Their perceptions don’t define me. I know that some see me just as a mom. Some see me as a wise ass (ok that one might be true). Some see me as my size. Some see me with their vision…… They are missing who I am

I may be some of what they say, but I am so much more. I am determined. I am an athlete. I am social warrior. I am many things. What I am most is what I determined.

As a finally note, you will come across people in your life that will see all the pieces in your box. They will see you with clear eyes. They will see the good. They will see the bad. They will see it all. Those that see it all and accept it as it is and not as they want or imagine…. Those are your peeps. Those are the keepers. I am lucky to have a few of those and I’m holding onto them.

Hold onto yours too.