Creeping Up There….

Aug15

I went out yesterday for what should have been a “easy” 6 miles. Even skipping my normal training in Vermont, these 6 miles shouldn’t have been that difficult. I was not in the mood to keep track of time, so I decided to just keep the pace slow and I would give myself a walk break every mile. Seemed like the way to go.

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As you can see from the long red and orange line, even at these paces I was working hard. Harder than I feel that I should, but I imagine the paces don’t really tell it all as it evens out with the walking. Still need to work on it. Part of the problem is that in the 8 months since my surgery I have gained 10 pounds. I’ve never been what one would call petite. That being said, I had remained steady in my weight for many years. As I’ve blogged before in Laying It Out There even though the numbers never changed, I could tell that it was redistributing with added muscle. Sadly, I can not say that now.

Part of the weight gain I attribute to not exercising as much post surgery. Part of it might be from thyroid surgery while getting my levels correct. Part of it might be Christmas and winter coming during this non running time. While I don’t care about the extra weight per se, I do care that my clothes are not necessarily fitting the way that I like them. I also think this is part of why I am struggling a bit with my running. Yes, my legs are more sore than before, but that doesn’t account for all the heavy breathing.

Now is the what to do, what to do moment. I honestly and whole hardheartedly hate dieting. It’s not my thing baby.

That being said, I am creeping up to another big milestone that I do think I would be upset to hit as it would be how much I weighed when I was pregnant.

I know that with my hypoparathyroidism, I do need to do better with my diet. It might help with the muscle cramps and other issues. I have toyed with my diet for this reason, but never committed especially since I still think my parathyroid are going to bounce back and work properly. I keep waiting for the doctor to tell me they made a mistake. I know. I know. It’s a foolish pipe dream, but I still can’t fully admit that this is permanent and my life yet. It’s a work in progress.

So maybe it is past time to meet with the nutritionist that I called and never followed up with an appointment. Not for my clothes. Not for the way I look, but for my health as I really need to eat a diet with less salt and more calcium rich foods. There has been much discussion in my hypoparathyroid groups on what is a good diet and I really need to start paying attention. Also, I really need to figure out proper fully for runs.

So maybe I could turn this all around. You know make lemonade out of lemon kind of thing.

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Moving forward is all you can do as sitting still is not an option.

Hello Again

Aug12

The problem with Fall marathons is that you have to train through the summer and vacations. My family has a standing date with a lake in Vermont every August. Last summer I had fire in my belly and trained accordingly. This summer, I’m quit a bit more relaxed in my training and did not train accordingly.

It happens.

As of today, there are only 56 days till the marathon. It’s time to get out of vacation mode. I will say that I was not totally lazy during my time at the lake. I did average more than 10,000 steps a day which is about 5 miles of walking a day. Also the morning before we left, I did go for a long run of 13 miles. Then in Vermont, I went for one 6 mile run and a 16 mile bike ride and anyone whose been to Vermont knows those hills are no joke. So this seemed like a nice trade off.

Now I’m home. The bags are unpacked. The laundry will never be done, but as a mother of 3 it never really is anyway. So it’s time to get back out there. I toyed with going today, but my legs were sore so I went for a spa pedicure instead.

Tomorrow is another day and I plan to make the best of it. I know that I need another long run. I don’t have the fire in my belly right now to train with hills, cut-downs, and everything else. What I do have though is the determination to get the miles in and be prepared for 26.2.

It’s all good.

Chasing….. Getting it done

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What is your Why?

Jul26

When I first started racing, it was exciting. It was fun. I couldn’t stop myself from signing up for things on a whim. There was fire. My first race ever was the Sprint Triathlon in September of 2013. Since then according to Athlinks, I’ve run 42 races. Considering I have only done 2 races this year, that comes to a lot of races in such a short period of time. This year, I only have a few races on the calendar which I am enjoying.

When I first started running, I had something to prove to myself. It was a challenge. It was fun. I had my running race buddies. I couldn’t stop. Then I did. Now it was time to reevaluate and regroup. I have different reasons for running now. I am in a different place. As said before, I know that the reason I want to run Chicago is just to run it to prove that I can.

I was talking to someone who deferred a big race. She was coming back from an injury, but originally thought that she would push through to train. She then realized that she was planning on pushing through her injury for a race that she no longer really felt like running. The desire just wasn’t there. We get to a point where we have to start questioning why we are doing the things we are doing and what would happen if we didn’t do them. She had nothing to prove to herself. She also realized that her heart just wasn’t in it. Once her decision was made, she felt relief.

Often subconsciously we know what we need to do and even the reasons why, but for some reason we feel like we just need to keep doing the same thing. We feel like we would be a quitter. Like somehow we are a failure when the reality could not be further from the truth. Sometimes stepping back and being true to ourselves is so much braver than soldiering through. Unknowingly we fall into patterns of doing thing because we think that we should do them. We think we will disappoint others or just because we don’t want to have to think about why we are feeling that way. Sometimes we can’t even explain it to ourselves.

I always say honestly is the best policy. Those that know me personally know that they shouldn’t ask me a question if they do not want an upfront and honest answer. Being honest with ourselves is just as important. We put too much pressure on ourselves not just with our running but life in general As with life, sometimes in our running we have to step back to evaluate our motives and desires as they can change over time without us even realizing it. What was once a driving force may no longer ring true to us anymore. And sometimes you have to ask the hard questions. You know just what to ask too. Only you have the answers, but you need to allow yourself time to find them.

My one piece of advice to you – No matter what make sure that you are still having fun! I don’t mean that you should laugh your way through your training, but just make sure it doesn’t become a job. Running is a great stress relief and we all have so much on our plates that running should be something that gets us away from it all and shouldn’t feel like something we have to do:)

One thing that I have noticed these last few months is that I am content not to be on such a tight race schedule. Always training. Always planning. As much as I enjoyed the hard training that I put in and running the races, I can honestly say that I am happy where I am in my training. I am content to sit on the couch a little longer in the morning. I am putting in the miles that I will need to be ready for Chicago, but I am not consumed by my training. I am flexible. The fire still burns but maybe right now it’s not as hot. When and if the time comes, I can always turn up the flame. I know part of it comes from knowing that I am not chasing a time, but running for me and what more can I ask for?

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Be Determined

Jul24

You have very few choices in life as they say.

Give up. Give in or Give it all you’ve got.

I’m a pretty stubborn individual. Just ask my family:) That being said, I recently read a quote that brought home to me that in my running being stubborn isn’t always a good thing.

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I realized that I’ve been VERY stubborn about my running. I may have been a little like a spoiled child. I wanted my running to be what I wanted and I wanted it now. We all know that isn’t how life works. Doesn’t mean that I wasn’t stubborn about it. I didn’t want to admit that for now things needed to change some. That things needed to be tweaked. I was and there will be days that I still will be stubborn again. I am trying to be more determined than stubborn now. Although stubbornness is not necessarily a bad thing when used with determination. Just not pig headed stubbornness.

Case in point

I went out for my long run yesterday. I had 12 miles that I needed to do. It was hot, but worse that that it was humid with humidity being 66%. I was determined to have a good run. I realized that in order for that to happen that I needed to set myself up for it. When I started the run, I decided that I would do a 6 to 1 run to walk ratio. There was no rhyme nor reason where that ratio came from. It just seemed like a good fit. In the beginning of the run I reminded myself of the NYCM and that it is best to hold back in the beginning to save something in the tank for the end. So I forced myself to keep to the ratio. I could run a little longer than 6 if I was going downhill or something, but I keep the walk at just a minute. It seemed to work nicely.

Now don’t think that this was an easy run. It wasn’t. I was drenched in sweat. I will say that my legs felt good or as good as they can feel on a long run. I think because of the humidity, it was more my breathing. The air just felt so heavy.

One thing that was a lifeline on my run was one of my running buddies. Before the run, she messaged me that if I needed anything to call. I knew that she was home, so I did add her to my route stopping around mile 5. Cold water from a filtered fridge is so much better than filling from hoses. I also was able to get some much needed body glide as due to all the sweating I was having issues. Then off I went knowing that she had my back if I needed anything more. That’s good feeling.

I continue on with my 6 to 1 ratio.

It’s hard.

I’m am drenched in sweat.

I plan my run to make sure that I go by the local 7-11. Timing is perfect as I finished all my water right before coming to it. This time instead of water with Cal-ez, I opt for Gatorade. By now, the staff of 7-11 is used to me, but the customers not so much. Oh well.

I do admit that towards the end, my ratio of walk run might have been off some. My determination pushed me forward and my stubbornness got me to the 12.

Here is the funny thing. My focus on the run was to make sure that I had a little more control where I didn’t’ feel like I was doing the run fast, walk, run slow, run fast, walk, repeat method. That being said, I really did not watch my pace. I was watching the clock for time. I ended up with an average pace of 12:00 and my splits were not all over the place. Although mile 7 did throw off my average with a pace of 12:41

Overall, I am happy.

I am a little less stubborn, but just stubborn enough.

Most of all,

I am determined.

All Is Not As it Seems

Jul21

Still Plugging Along. Still trying to figure it out. One thing I’m trying to get a hold of is my Pace. It is ALL over the place. It is not reflected in the picture of my runs, but like peoples post’s on Facebook many times when you look a little closer everything isn’t as pretty as it seems.

Case in point.

This was last night’s run. On face value it looks like a beautiful run. Paces are on target. I’ve got some nice negative splits going. But when you look a little closer all is not as it seems.

This run started in the evening which on a normal day would mean that it was cooler. Not so much right now. It was still hot and the humidly was so thick that you could cut it. This was supposed to be just an easy and slow run. Started out accordingly. Once I got out there, I knew due to the heat I more than likely do a walk/run.

Now I admit that I don’t follow the plan accordingly for the walk/run method. Maybe I should. Maybe I won’t. One of the reasons is because I like to adjust my walk dependent upon the course. I would much rather run down the hill than up it. And I admit that part of me is digging my heals in a bit and really not wanting to embrace it. Not because I don’t think it’s a valid plan or there is anything wrong with it. It is 100% because it’s not a plan that I got to choose and was foisted upon me.

Heals dug in.

Not smart and I’m trying. Oh so trying to get my head out of the neither region and realize that this is me.

So here is what the truth of my pretty split run. I started out running. Did some walking. Then some running. Then some walking. Then some fast running trying to make up time. Followed by heavy breathing and walking. Pattern repeated.

This was not a smart run. My paces bounced all over the pace. I even sprinted at the end hitting a 7:39 pace. That, I admit, was fun and felt good. Not smart. I need to be smarter.

Yes, this type of running will fly when running 3 miles and I might even be able to do it for a half. But as everyone knows a Marathon is a whole different beast. As those who have been here for a while remember, I hit the wall and I hit it hard at the NYCM by running the first half like I didn’t have the second half to run. I even questioned Was It A Waste? Not a smart race. I was able to push through the wall and finish NY, but I honestly don’t know if my body could break through the wall if it hit it now.

I need to pull it all together. I need to give up this dream that I’m still going to pull a 4:30 in Chicago. Yes, it’s still there. Come on, you know I’m an optimist. I think this is what is my biggest problem is. I keep hoping that some how my body will fix itself and things will work again like they did before.

Plus I have forgotten how to hold a pace. I used to be able to run beautiful cut-down runs holding my pace within 5 -10 seconds of set pace. Practice makes perfect and I’m out of practice. I think that if I went out yesterday and ran the whole 3 miles at a 11:45 pace or slower that I could have run more consistently. Probably wouldn’t have needed to walk either. It’s harder than it sounds.

Now before you say, leave your watch at home. That’s not happening. I’ve also set it to where I can’t see the pace and that doesn’t help. This is just another step forward in the acceptance process of where I am and I’m still fighting it. Just because I know it, does not make it an easier.

One Day at a Time.

One Run at a Time.

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Putting the Pieces back together

Jul17

Humpty Dumpty sat on a Wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t put Humpty together again.

I admit it, I’ve been feeling a little bit like Humpty for a while. Say, since November 18th. That being said, I have recently been coming to terms with my cracked shell and the realization that it’s up to me to put the pieces together again. They might fit a little different, but that’s the way things go.

I’ve also realized thanks to the reminder of Training Peaks that I am now six weeks into my training. They were also nice enough to point out that the Chicago Marathon is only twelve weeks away. Time flies and I know it will be here before we know it.

I’ve been happy with my training recently. I think it has something to do with the above realization. Anyhow, I am (trying) to not beat myself up anymore and just roll with it.

You know what?

I’ve had some good runs recently. Now my good runs to a front of the packer might make them scratch their head, but I’ve been happy and isn’t that enough? Why yes, yes it is!

Case in point

Last night I went out for 7 miles. I was comfy on the couch after a nice dinner, but forced myself to leave the mindless TV watching to go for my run. It was bordering on becoming dark, so I suited up accordingly. I forgot how nice it is to run at night when the streets are quiet and everyone is inside their house. I went out knowing it would be a slow run. Still trying to balance the walk/run thing and just figured that I would just let things take a natural progression. Another plus is that once it got dark enough, I could NOT see my Garmin for pace.

I ran just to run.

I ran for the miles

I ran just to enjoy the night.

I ran just to see how I would run.

Most of all, I allowed my mind just to focus on the run.

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Here are my paces and to be honest, I am actually very happy with them.

Once I hit my groove at mile 3 and after miles 4 I had negative splits. Not bad considering that I wasn’t aiming for them or thinking about pace. I did consistently ask if “I needed to walk” or “If I wanted to walk.” I found that last night I didn’t need to walk as much. I think part of it was that I was having a good day, I was well hydrated, and I am slowly getting back to running mojo. Either way, I will take a good run when I can get one.

Yes, I am sore today and was much sorer last night than I should have been for 7 miles. I’m noticing that it is my feet and my right quad that seem to be paying the price. Going to see if I can squeeze in a massage this week and I really should foam roll more.

I’m also putting the pieces together for Chicago logistically speaking. As soon as I realized that I got into Chicago, I did book a room for the day before the marathon and leaving the day after. I’ve literally gotten into a car and driven home after running the Marine Corps Marathon and thought, “never again.” I also figured that I would just see how things play out. They seem to be playing out nicely:)

One of the other Moms in my Moms Run This Town group is also running Chicago. We’ve started formulating a plan to fly to Chicago on Friday. We can get a room near the airport for Friday night. Then the next day move to the hotel room that I already have booked. (Yes, I tried to see if I could add Friday onto my stay, but it was a no go). Anyway, it is nice to know that we are in this together. Plus she’s a sweetheart and it should be lots of fun!

I do so love it when a plan comes together and it finally seems like things are coming together for Chicago.

Plugging Along

Jul14

‘m just plugging along in my training. To be honest, I’m kind of doing a mish mash of things right now. For the most part, I’m following a mileage plan with Training Peaks, but that’s about it. I’m not doing any speed work. I’m not doing any cut-downs. I’m not doing anything remotely pace related. And even though I’m doing the walk/run method and bought the Jeff Galloway book, I’m not really following that either. I’m kind of doing a little of this and a little of that.

Is this the best way to train for a marathon?

Probably not.

Am I going to change the way I’m training?

Probably not.

Why, you ask?

Because my goal is to just finish.

Yes, I admit, deep down I think to myself that I will get all my shit together and I’ll magically run a 4:30 or better. Then I wake up and know that’s not happening.

Then there is a part of me that thinks that Chicago might just be my last marathon. Yes, I know you’ve heard it before but I really mean it this time. Really. Seriously. But I’m also not saying it won’t. I just don’t know. I will see how my body reacts.

What I do know is that I’m plugging away. That I need keep moving just based on the way my pants are fitting.

I’m also excited by the fact that I have an appointment in September with an endocrinologist based out of Columbia Hospital in NY. She is a doctor who is actually listed as a contributor to the Hypopara Association. I’ve found lectures that she has given to other doctors teaching about Hypoparthyroidism. When you have a disorder that only effects 60 to 70 thousand people in the United States, it is kind of hard to find someone local who knows the ins and outs of it. I’m lucky enough to only live an hour or so outside the city, so I will do the commute for someone who gets it. Plus I’ve had people tell me in a Hypopara group that on top of being a knowledgeable doctor who has studied this disease, she is also really nice.

So, yeah, I’m excited for this visit. Who knows maybe she will say the other doctors are wrong and I don’t have it anymore. (yeah, I know another far fetched thought). Anyway, I do wish that I could have made the appointment earlier as I would have loved to asked her about how to handle things such as supplements, medicine levels, and calcium intake during training. She seems to be worth the wait.

Unfortunately though it does seem that until then even that even though I do have a doctor, that I don’t have a doctor that gets it. I, personally, don’t like the doses of Calcitriol he currently has me on but I’ll keep taking it as I’ve been stable. Plus I’ve asked some pointed questions about tests recommended for people with hypopara to monitor kidney functions as problems can arise if doses and levels are not kept in check. The response was basically that calcium levels are good so no worries. I think that is much easier for him to say than me, but I’m just guessing. I’m lucky to have found some great online information and groups that help sort things out.

Case in point….

I’ve been taking Magnesium supplements as part of my protocol. I do think these supplements have been helpful as low magnesium levels effect calcium levels. It’s amazing the things you learn about when you feel you have to even if it was never anything you ever had a desire to learn.

Fun Fact… All supplements are not created equally. Label reading is important for everyone but especially when taking supplements in high doses. Did you know many supplements contain food coloring, additives, and such? I didn’t until I started looking at the labels due to side effects. Plus there are different types of supplements. Calcium comes in many forms I have learned. So does Magnesium. I’ve been taking 800 mg of a High Potency Magnesium in a softgel form which has helped with the levels, but has caused some gastro issues to be delicate. The side effects actually making it inadvisable to go for early training runs. I’ve recently (like 2 days ago) switched to a Magnesium Glycinate which is a different form of magnesium that is all natural and per the label promises a no laxative effect.

In looking the labels though it is clear which you would want to take for the long term:

High Potency Magnesium – magnesium, medium chain triglycerides, gelatin, glycerin, water, soy lecithin, colors, yellow beeswax

Magnesium Glycinate – magnesium and vegetable capsule (plant cellulose)

Seems pretty clear which one would be best to take.

Anyhow…

What I am learning is that even when you think you are taking something that is good for you, you have to be careful. I’m hoping this new magnesium will be better on my system while still helping keep my levels in check.

Lessons Learned

Jul12

One of my favorite expression is about being kind to people.

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It is true too. This expression should apply to everyone and everywhere, but we can take it to heart in our running. Often times people will see someone running on the street, finishing a race at what some might consider “bad” or see someone who gives it all they have but never got the “runners body.” I will admit all of those apply to me. At my fastest, I could never hit the 4:30 marathon and this is not the shape people think of when they imagine a runner. Yet, I am a runner. I was then and I am now.

Philly Marathon

Case in point…. Me finishing my first marathon in Philly. You don’t look at this and think, “wow she looks like a runner.”

Now I will say that the people in my inner circle do not think like that (myself included). It’s just not who we are (we are the cheerleaders), but I will admit to sometimes having a mean girl moment or two. I’m not perfect and never claimed to be, but I also know the truth of my favorite expression and try to embrace it. That being said, it really is coming home to me now and maybe it is a much needed lesson.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve started using the run/walk method. Now even though I have bought the Jeff Galloway marathon training book, I’m not fully embracing it. Physically, it’s good. Mentally, I’m having a hard time with it. I want to run and I want to run like I used to. I felt like I was just getting it together and reaching my potential. I might get there again. I might not. Who knows? Besides the hypopara issues, I’m not getting any younger. Statistically speaking I might have already peaked. Although I might not be too upset in 2 years when I hit the next age group that begins with a 5.

Sometimes we put so much internal pressure on ourselves just because we think that we should be doing something a certain way, we suck the joy right out of it. I’m not there, but I could very easily let myself get there if not kept in check. Really, it would be much easier to quit running. The thing is that I like it. I really do. Just not so much in the moment:)

Here’s one other thing, it would be easier to quit. I know that. I’ve thought about deferring Chicago but I honestly believe it I don’t do it this year that I never will. Also I have a secret weapon pushing me along.

My youngest son has been doing Tae Kwon Do. He’s fairly good at it. He has worked his way up to a red belt. He now wants to quit. His reason is that it isn’t fun anymore and boring. Perfectly normal responses from a 10 year old. Here’s the thing though. When I dig a little deeper the truth that this wise mother see’s is that it isn’t as easy for him as it used to be. He isn’t as confident going into a class with other red belts and higher than know the routines that he is trying to learn. I get that. So I am giving him a break for the summer, but I will push him back into it come September.

How can I push him if I don’t push myself? Yes, it would be easier to let him quit but I know one day he might regret it. Yes, I know that it would be easier if I quit but I know for a fact that I would regret it.

If not now, when?

As a parent our kids don’t always listen and sometimes even tune us out. I know say it isn’t so, but it is true. Anyway, they do pay attention to the things we do. My family knows that my running isn’t as “easy” as it used to be. My runs take longer than used to be. I come home more tired and sweaty than I used to, but I’m still getting out there. I may walk. I may run. But I am not giving up. That is the lesson I want them to learn. That is the lesson to learn.

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The Shadow of Fear

Jul7

noun

noun: fear; plural noun: fears

1.

an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

verb

verb: fear; 3rd person present: fears; past tense: feared; past participle: feared; gerund or present participle: fearing

1.

be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or threatening.

As humans fear is a normal emotion. It’s a survival instinct. Everyone has some fear and anyone who says they have no fears is either lying to themselves or you. It is a necessary emotion……

To a point.

If allowed our fears can become bigger than the reality. We create a boulder to carry when we should only be carrying a pebble. It happens before we even know it! Once we realize the truth of our fears, we can chip away at that boulder and return it to it’s pebble size. But in order to do that, we must admit our fear and face them.

I’ve realized that I’ve been living on the edge of fear lately and it’s been holding me back. I’ve never been one to worry about the “What if’s in life.” I’ve just kind of rolled with it. Since my diagnosis, I’ve been fearful. Fearful of a calcium crash. Fearful that my calcium will spike. Fearful of the side effects of the medications I must now take. Fearful that I’m going to end up with kidney stones which is a common side effect. Fearful that I’m in over my head since I still can’t seem to find a doctor that “gets it.”

Then there is the part of me that thinks I could just stop taking everything and that I’m perfectly fine. I mean I look fine. I actually feel good right now which also brings up fear as my levels are too good. Yes, I know that sounds strange but it’s true. There is a fine line. Anyway even though my PTH levels indicate that as much as I’d like it to not to be true, my body just isn’t working right. So in this case the fear of not taking my meds is a good thing.

stubborn

But fear can also be a bad thing.

Fear can be used to hold us back.

I can’t let the not knowing how my body and how my calcium levels will react hold me back. Any runner/athlete on any given day can be sidelined by a whole host of things out of their control. You can do everything right and still have a bad day. You can’t live in the shadow of fear.

So today I am starting to chip away at that boulder. As FDR said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” It is with this thought that I went out on my 3 mile run last night. I didn’t do anything stupid and push myself into paces that I couldn’t hold. What I did though is say that I am going to run 3 miles and run the whole thing. I reminded myself that I ran a half marathon only a few months ago and my levels were much lower than they are now. This does not mean that I’m giving up on the walk/run method. This just means that I’ve realized that out of fear I may not have been pushing myself to do things that I should push myself to do.

It’s time I started remembering that no one knows what their day will bring and start facing it accordingly.

For now, I choose to embrace a new meaning of fear and once again try to live my life accordingly. It won’t be easy and I’ve still got baggage to deal with, but I’m going to try.

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Again

One day at a time.

One run at a time.

The Ungettable Get

Jul6

Sometime we want things in life that we just can’t have. Sometimes we want things in life that will never be. Sometimes we are so busy looking backwards that we stop moving foward.

Sometimes…..

It is so easy to get bogged down in the would have, should haves, and could haves in life.

If only…..

Sometimes it is easier to stay in the mud because the thought of moving forward is scary. I’ve said before that change while not always good is always inevitable. Just because you know something is true doesn’t mean that you don’t stomp your feet, cross your arms, and scowl at the new normal.

Last week I ran a local 5K right here in my town. I ran it last year and it was a fun race made even better by so many local faces both in the crowd and in the pack. Plus it is a charity race with the proceeds going to good causes. Last year I ran this race just to run it and run fast. I pushed myself to a 26.26 finish.

This year, I knew I was not anywhere in shape to run like that but I still wanted to push myself. I wanted one fast mile. It was a hot night like last year, but I still went out with all I had. I pushed my first mile to a 9:16 pace, but that was it I was out of gas after that. In my mind, I knew it would be true, but in my heart I needed to see. Mile two was an 11:44 pace and mile three I was able to pull in an 11:16 pace (thanks Jen!). Finish time 33:49.

Here’s the thing. I know my finish time wasn’t bad. I know that I’m lucky to be running. I know that I’ve got to build up again. All that being said…..

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At the beginning of the race, I told my one friend that I was going to go out fast but that she would be passing me on the course. She might of thought I was joking but I was dead serious and dead on. She passed me around mile 2 by which point I was doing walk/run. I ran with her and one of her friends. I may have complained a bit. One thing that I said that was so true is that “I’m not where I was, but I’m where I should be.” I hate that it’s true, but I know it is.

Will I get to where I once was in my running?

Who knows. Maybe

Does it matter if I’m never as fast of a middle of the Packer as I was before?

Not to anyone else and I need to let go of expectations.

Is it time to readjust my running goals?

You bet.

Who knows what will happen?

Not me.

Maybe it is time to give my body to adjust to this new normal. Maybe it’s time to get back into running shape. Maybe it’s past time to let go of expectations.

With that, I’m once again re-evaluating. The wheels are turning. I’ve been training for Chicago. I’ve been getting runs in (for the most part). I’ve also been walking as needed. I’ve actually been toying with a run/walk marathon training. You know what? My average running time for my runs has been good.

Work in progress.

As always…. Pushing forward. Not giving up and doing what I need to do.