Sometime we want things in life that we just can’t have. Sometimes we want things in life that will never be. Sometimes we are so busy looking backwards that we stop moving foward.
It is so easy to get bogged down in the would have, should haves, and could haves in life.
Sometimes it is easier to stay in the mud because the thought of moving forward is scary. I’ve said before that change while not always good is always inevitable. Just because you know something is true doesn’t mean that you don’t stomp your feet, cross your arms, and scowl at the new normal.
Last week I ran a local 5K right here in my town. I ran it last year and it was a fun race made even better by so many local faces both in the crowd and in the pack. Plus it is a charity race with the proceeds going to good causes. Last year I ran this race just to run it and run fast. I pushed myself to a 26.26 finish.
This year, I knew I was not anywhere in shape to run like that but I still wanted to push myself. I wanted one fast mile. It was a hot night like last year, but I still went out with all I had. I pushed my first mile to a 9:16 pace, but that was it I was out of gas after that. In my mind, I knew it would be true, but in my heart I needed to see. Mile two was an 11:44 pace and mile three I was able to pull in an 11:16 pace (thanks Jen!). Finish time 33:49.
Here’s the thing. I know my finish time wasn’t bad. I know that I’m lucky to be running. I know that I’ve got to build up again. All that being said…..
At the beginning of the race, I told my one friend that I was going to go out fast but that she would be passing me on the course. She might of thought I was joking but I was dead serious and dead on. She passed me around mile 2 by which point I was doing walk/run. I ran with her and one of her friends. I may have complained a bit. One thing that I said that was so true is that “I’m not where I was, but I’m where I should be.” I hate that it’s true, but I know it is.
Will I get to where I once was in my running?
Who knows. Maybe
Does it matter if I’m never as fast of a middle of the Packer as I was before?
Not to anyone else and I need to let go of expectations.
Is it time to readjust my running goals?
Who knows what will happen?
Maybe it is time to give my body to adjust to this new normal. Maybe it’s time to get back into running shape. Maybe it’s past time to let go of expectations.
With that, I’m once again re-evaluating. The wheels are turning. I’ve been training for Chicago. I’ve been getting runs in (for the most part). I’ve also been walking as needed. I’ve actually been toying with a run/walk marathon training. You know what? My average running time for my runs has been good.
Work in progress.
As always…. Pushing forward. Not giving up and doing what I need to do.
One day at a time.
One run at a time.