Tag Archive | inspiration

Focus

Mar1

It’s funny, I’ve noticed that I’ve gotten a few new followers recently.    I’ve got over 300 followers now.   Although truth be told, I would bet that maybe, just maybe, on a good post 5 to 10 people actually read it.    It’s ok, I don’t blame you because we all have busy, complicated lives.    Truth be told, I often write for me as like running it clears the mind.  I’m not sure that what I say is filled with any wisdom or helpful to anyone but me, but I write anyway.    For those who followed thinking they would get expert running advise, I’m sure they realized they came to the wrong blog.   Yet here we are.   You, me and maybe 2 other people.   It’s ok, it’s like meeting a friend for coffee except I’m still in my PJ’s with unkempt hair and slippers.

So often in life we focus on the wrong things and don’t even realize it.   At the time, they seem important and at the time they are, but then something happens in our lives to change that focus.   We focus on the size of our jeans, how fast we can finish a race, following our diets, and so many things that seem like the right thing to focus on……. Right up until we put our glasses on and what is really important comes into foucs.

We should be focusing on things like….. How do I feel in these jeans?    Did I fully enjoy the experience of the race to it’s fullest?    Am I happy with the outcome and if not, why?  Is what we our putting into our mouth nourishing our body and mind and do we full good about it?

Focus…..

Sometimes you are on the right path.   Sometimes the path is expected.   Most often we end up on a path that we never thought we would be on.   The path is hard.   The path is not where you expected to be, yet you are there.    You can stomp your feet and fight tooth and nail that you don’t belong on that path, but that changes nothing.   You can do everything right, but still end up in places that you never thought that you would be.

That is life.

There are no guarantees.

There are no promises.

There is only what is and the acceptance of it.

Fighting to be on a different path will not change the trajectory of the path you are on.    The only way through is to forge ahead.   To face the bumps, the bruises, and the obstacles that fall into your path.    Only then can you get to the other side and from there you can choose a new path to follow.

So to bring this back to my running………

I’ve hit some bumps in my training for my birthday half marathon (yes, that is what I am calling it from now on).   In the whole scheme of things, my training has come to the bottom of my to due list and I am ok with that.

Focus

So with that, I have been running but not necessarily to train but because it is what I needed to clear my mind.    I will get there in April as ready as I will be and I’m ok with that.   Besides, I’ve got time and I will be as ready as I will be and no more.   My goal for the day is to enjoy the day and I’m happy to report that it’s turning into a party as I’ve got some running mama friends joining in too!    This is why I fell in love with running….. Because of the peace of mind it gave me and the strong friendships bonded over the miles.

Focus

focus

 

Just Run

Feb22

Life is messy.

Life is complicated.

Life has it ups.

It always has it’s downs, but with any luck they don’t last long.

It’s the little things in life that makes up the big things. Often we forget that. We forget that with friends. We forget that with family. We forget that with many things in life including our running. We focus so much on the big goals… The pace, the distance, the races that we forget the important reasons to run.

Going back to basics has been good for me. Not just with my running which has actually improved. Feeling better. Running negative splits not because I was watching the pace, but because my body naturally wanted to run them. Having no expectations and just enjoying running.

Taking this step back has also allowed me to reconnect not just with my body, but why I love running so much. For me, running is a place to clear my mind. To think. To spend time with friends chatting the miles away. I forgot all of that. I forgot that I didn’t start running because I wanted to PR, running set number of miles, or anything except that running was my happy place.

Sometimes you just need a happy place. A place to let your stress go. A place to let tears flow. A place to chat about unimportant and important things with a friend. A place to let your mind wander. Most of all it is supposed to be something that helps alleviate  your stress not add to it. If it adds to it, your doing something wrong.

I was doing it all wrong.

I’m happy to report that I am finally doing it right. I am looking forward to getting out the door again. I am making plans to run with friends again. I am allowing my running to help me destress and not stress me out. I may be running slower that I had been trying to run, but I am also running faster than I thought I would. That being said, I am NOT even remotely looking at my watch when I’m running. Time is not my goal right now. For now, I am running. I am running and that is enough. That is more than enough and all I want.

Life is filled with so much pressure. So much expectations. I am not an elite athlete. I’m never going to be on the podium. To be honest, for now, I have no desire to do more than what I am doing which is…..

To Run.

 

Restores the Soul

Aug31

It’s funny how often in life as the saying goes, you don’t know what you have till it’s gone. It’s more than a silly cliché. It’s factual. Think of the people you know who….

Haven’t appreciated a spouce till after getting a divorce.

Didn’t truly appreciate a friendship until it’s too late.

Didn’t appreciate health until a diagnosis

Even the old…. Didn’t appreciate your youth until your too old.

All of these things and so much more is sadly true. Although sadly I think it might just be human nature that makes us this way. If your lucky though, you learn from each loss and appreciate the here and now. It’s a challenge though because it is so easy to fall into the trap again and again. This is why it is best to remind yourself to have a grateful heart. It’s not always easy to keep, but when you manage to do so life is so much better.

Today I did something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I hit the trails for a long run. I had wanted to do it last week after I saw my old running cohort post about meeting people for a trail run. I actually planned to surprise her, but it wasn’t in the cards. It was an “off” day for me and pushing to do the trails even if I had managed to make it off the couch would not have been good. And to be honest, I didn’t even make it off the couch that day. Unless you count when I went out to dinner that night. I guess we can count that and I am grateful that I did not need to worry about cooking dinner on that off day.

I’ll be honest, it took me a few days to get back to the swing of it all. Once I did, I really wanted to get to the trails. I used to run them all the time and can’t even remember the last time I made it to them. It’s been a while. Partly because it does require more time to run the trails. Partly because I wasn’t sure I was up for the trails. And partly because I’ve been nervous about hitting the trails again.

Today was the day to get out there. Weather was perfect. Been feeling good. Really was no excuse not to do it.

So I did.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw some of my Moms Run This Town Mamas getting ready to go out for their own trail run. It was nice to get a hug from them and see their smiling faces. I knew that I would not be at their pace, but I also knew that I really needed to do this on my own……

A friend texted me during the run asking how it was going. I texted back the first thing that came to mind.

It Restores the Soul

Truth. Running the trails again…… Something that I used to do all the time without a thought……. It was like taking back something that I felt was lost. I used to go out for training runs without a care. Now there is planning. When to take the Natpara. Do I take calcium before, during or after the run? How do I feel? It’s not just about grabbing some fuel, filling water bottles and going. I realize that one of the things that has kept me off the trails was fear. Fear of getting wonky on a run. Fear of not being able to do it. All kinds of crazy and some not so crazy fears, but if you let fear stop you from doing what you love then fear wins.

So while today’s run was not fast. While I acted like a tourist stopping to take pictures…… While I enjoyed the beauty of the trails….. While I soaked it all in……. While I just went out and did what I set out to do…… I had a heart of gratitude.

It Restores the Soul…..

I am so lucky for so many reasons. As I said in a Facebook post today, while the trail may be rocky; it is not impossible.

Things are only impossible if you let fear win. Fear did not win today and it has shown me that as always, it is a damn liar. So while I am still sore….. While I am tired…… While it was not easy…… It was also not hard and it was certainly not impossible.

I will be back and it’s nice to know while I was out running the trails alone today that I had support all along the way and I’ve also got some people who will make sure that next time I have company.

Trails and Friends…. Perfect together.

No Guarantee

Apr9

There are no guarantees in life. No guarantee of tomorrow. NO guarantee of good health. No guarantee of love, friendships, or anything lasting.

Depressing right?

Not really. Knowing that there are no guarantees means that we must embrace each day with the knowledge that each day is a gift. Each interaction with a loved one is special. That each day we get to decide how we are going to face the day. Will it be a good day or not? And yes much of what happens in our day is out of our control, but how we respond to what happens determines if it is a good day or not. It is the glass half full thought process.

The optimist looks and is happy the glass is half-full.

The pessimist is upset because it is half empty.

Then there are those that are just happy because they are lucky enough to have a glass to fill. They know that sometimes the glass will be full. Sometimes it will be half-full. Sometimes it might even be empty, but and here is the important part…. It is always refillable.

And yes, sometimes, sometimes we look at our half filled glass and wish it was filled with something else. That is probably the most dangerous way to look at your glass because if you allow envy or jealousy to fill your glass it is hard to swallow.

So while I know it is hard to always be the optimist. In my opinion that although easier to become one, you can be swallowed if you allow yourself to be a pessimist. In the end than it is harder to be the pessimist. It does take practice to look at the glass half full. It does take effort to remember how lucky you are to have a glass in the first place. It helps though when you realize that your control in life is really tied to how you face a situation.

Sometimes in life many things will happen out of our control. Sometimes we are dealt a bad hand. The trick is knowing that even with so much out of our control that we still deep down have the ability to be happy. It’s not always easy. If you watch children though that you will learn the secret to being happy…… Just be in the moment.

So as I begin this new training (pre training) cycle for running NY City Marathon, I am going to try to remind myself to be in the moment. Know that each training run won’t be great, but many will. That if I am running slow or walking, that there are people who wish they would be able to be in my shoes. That no mater how far, how fast, how slow that I go; the fact that I am able to go is all that matters.

Is your glass half full or half empty?

Looking Foward Not Back

Feb9

We live in a society that is always sending the message that

BIGGER IS BETTER

NEW & IMPROVED

FASTER & FASTER

GO BIG OR GO HOME

We buy into it. Sometimes these are right. Sometimes they are wrong. At some point in our lives these can be true, but what happens when they no longer fit into your life? What happens if you no longer buy into these messages? Where does that leave you?

What happens if after years of chasing longer distances, faster paces, challenge after challenge; you just aren’t feeling it? Is there a place for us?

I think many people get burnt out because we start pursuing things not because they are something we want to do, but something we feel we should do. I ran a 5K, I should do a half. I’ve run a few half marathons, I should do a full. I’ve concurred the full, I should do an ultra. Sometimes these are things that start out as wants but then turn into expectations. The pressure is often all on us.

We get burnt out. We loose the joy. We stop running.

I have and maybe one day again, have pursued the distances. I’ve only completed one 50K, but in the recess of my mind I don’t feel that is the end. The same with marathons…. I’ve done 6 now. I have no desire to run one in the near future but also don’t feel that is the end. I’ve chased the ever elusive 25 minute 5k. To a non runner, I was close at 26:26, but we know the truth. I’ve chases an obtained a sub 2 Half Marathon coming just under wire at 1:59. I’ve had monthly running goals. Yearly running goals (1000 miles in a year). I’ve had goals big and small.

I have no goals right now. No distance or pace goals. My goal right now is just to as said many times, get back to the basics. I’m actually ok with that. I’ve been doing my running following the C25K program. 3 runs a week. Part of me wonders if some people think I’m not pushing hard enough, so what’s the point. Part of me is like, “that is not enough.” Then part of me is like, “enough.”

ENOUGH

I am enough. I have been embracing it as you’ve probably heard before but it is a constant reminder. If you are always looking at where you came from, you won’t see where you are going. I am going forward. I am continuing my journey. Yes, it is a much different journey than I thought I would be on at this point. To be honest, at this point I really thought I would have done another ultra, hat trick, and that 25 minute 5k. I was disappointed because I thought I wasn’t where I should be. That I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing. These thoughts still creep in.

I am FINALLY getting to the point where I realize that I am right where I need to be. Doing what I need to be doing. My journey is my journey alone. Alone doesn’t mean that I am by myself on it. It just means that I can only be happy with it if I accept it. I really think I am getting there.

I have been running my runs on a treadmill for the most part. I’ve been conscience to keep the pace under control. The max I’ve been using is 5.3 and those are for briefer intervals. Sometimes I feel like I’m not pushing hard enough. Then I remember that for now it does me no good to push the pace and really for what purpose. Running on the treadmill while boring has kept me in check. This is what I’ve needed because the few runs I’ve done outside, I’m not as in check. I am actually starting to like it. I also know that once I get back outside that I will have to learn to control paces again.

Sometimes life doesn’t give us what we want. Let’s be honest…. often life doesn’t give us what we want. But if you make peace with what life does give you, you are able to enjoy where it takes you in a way that you can’t when swimming against the tides. I’ve been having this conversation with one of my sons that attitude is everything and it’s true.

I have started looking forward. Thinking about new challenges that I can take. Realistic challenges for where I am at. Sometimes it’s good to pivot right when you’ve always been going left because you never know where the new path will take you.

Expectations

Jan27

Why do we always look at starting over in a negative manner? Isn’t it positive that in many cases we were willing to pick ourselves up and begin again?

Why yes, yes it is.

Don’t we normally look forward and congratulate those who are starting new chapters in their lives….. Weddings, babies, going off to college, ect, ect.. And while some new beginnings are not wanted and are hard, picking yourself up and having the courage to face a new beginning makes you a stronger person even if its one you never wanted or would wish on anyone.

As I’ve mentioned before, once again I’m starting over. Back to square one. I went through the motions and pretended that I didn’t need to do this, but I did. I beat myself up about it even while I was starting it until I realized the beauty of starting over.

No expectations. As nike says…. Just Do It.

I’m working on week 4 in my C25K program. I’m sticking to it. No more. No less, but I’m getting it done. I have enjoyed going back to the beginning. When I started my fitness journey years ago, I needed to learn what my body needed. What it could do. How far I could push it. I’m relearning that again and it feels good.

After NYCM, I went almost 2 months of not running where I felt “normal” where I gave my body a chance to just be. It needed it. I need it. I am now relearning what my body can do and what the effects are once it does it. My legs are once again sore. I need to stretch. I’ve been using my back and foot massager a lot. After 2 months of not feeling like this, it’s an adjustment. One that I like. I’m realizing just how far I can push myself and if I go too far what I will deal with. I’m learning, adjusting, and moving forward with the knowledge.

It was interesting the other day I went for blood work and then after for my run. I’ve been running on the treadmill so that I can more closely monitor my pace and also so I only do what I need to do. I could tell going in that my calcium was low which the blood work confirmed, so I did not push the pace. I had a good run and finished more than 2 miles. What was good about this though is that not only did I do the run, but my instinct about where my body was right on the money. Learning to read the signs and trust them.

I will say that this time is also helping me make friends with running on a treadmill. I am able to control the pace. I am able to control how long I will be running. On the plus side, I am also avoiding the cold. That being said, I’ve had the confidence to push the paces (for me) and hit my targeted goals of sticking with the program.

I’m not sure where this new fitness journey will take me, but i will admit that I am glad the I am on it.

Where are you going?


Embrace The Suck

Sep18

Yesterday  I needed to go for my long run of 15 miles.   I knew going in that the run might be difficult, so from the very beginning I said that my motto for this run would be:

Embrace The Suck!

As I was beginning my run, I chuckled and thought to myself that it kind of is a metaphor for life too.    Now hear me out.    Sometimes in life things are going suck.   Things are going to go wrong.    Things are going to be hard.   And sometimes, things are going to be downright shitty.

Yes I know very uplifting, but we all know that life isn’t always a bowl of cherries.    The thing is that you have to embrace the suck to get to the good stuff.   You have to push through it when it’s hard.   You have to dig your heels in and just keep moving forward.   You have to know that at the end of the suck is something good.  You have to just keep going, because if you stick around long enough  you come out that much stronger.

strenght

So with that being said, I embraced the suck of yesterday’s 15 mile run.    As I said I knew it would be suck some for a few reasons.

  1.  It’s a long run and they usually suck.
  2.  I need new sneakers
  3. I’ve been messing up with my meds

So I went out with the mindset that no matter what, I would embrace the suck.   Do what I needed to do and get my run in.    The goal was to finish no matter what.   I felt like this was a long enough run to gage some things for New York and what I need to do in the next 46 days.

I have realized that it takes my body normally a good 3 miles to get into the rhythm of a run.   This morning was no exception.    Then I realized that I did not take my morning meds, so I ended up looping my run back to my house so that I could do so.    This was more necessary because I’ve been a little off with my timing lately. (Don’t worry, I’m trying to be better).    Anyway, meds taken and out the door I went.   It was hard.   I was sweating like I ran in a sprinkler, but I was embracing the suck and moving forward.    I was running where I should be especially for the distance keeping an average  pace in the 12’s &  13’s.    By mile 10, I was feeling a little off.    For me I can tell when my levels are dipping because I feel like a twitch in my face even if it’s not visible and some tingling/numbness in my hands.    I was prepared and did have some Calez (powdered calcium) to add to my water.    I am thinking for the marathon to fill all my bottles up with this and then just get plain water at the water stations.

I pushed forward.   By almost miles 13, I was out of water which is never good.   Luckily, I plan my runs so that I am never far from a friends house or place I can stop at.   I took my smelly sweaty self into a bistro where I purchased the most delicious chilled Gaterade and a bottle of water to refill.    Then off I went embracing the suck.

Here’s the thing….  As sucky as it was, it was also good.    I did feel stronger at the end of my run.   I did feel confident and the end of my run.    I did realize that running alone through the streets will be so much different than when running with 50, 000 of my closest friends who will all be embracing the suck.  I did feel like I could keep running and I did feel strong enough to keep going.   And I also realized that in the end, it is all worth it.

Is It Worth It?

Sep2

Running a marathon is hard.   It is hard for everyone from the first place finisher to the final finisher.   It takes dedication, pain, time, and so much more to not only get to the start line, but to cross that finish line.     Often during marathon training season a runner will question their sanity, their endurance, and their sanity again.

Recently I’ve been mulling around the question in my brain…..

At What Cost?

I’m part of many online running groups and have been for years.   I will say that being part of the Moms Run This Town group is what took my running to the next level.   It introduced me to a group of amazing and dedicated runners whose experience I learned from and helped prepare and gently push me to take leaps of faith in my running.    I really owe that group to where I am today.

With any running/training group there are people for all over the spectrum….. From full Ironman competitions, 100 mile events, 5k’s and any other number of amazing feats.   There are also people whose feats are amazing just for getting out the door.   Everyone determines their own path in this world and just because someone does not take their running “to the next level” does not make their feats any less praise worthy.

Each person chooses their own path.   Their own destiny.   Their own finish line.  Some great feats are obvious to all, but some are not so easily recognized.

Recently I was taking with a woman from my Hypopara athlete training group.   We were talking about various treatment options, comparing levels, and symptoms.   She by trade was an amazingly organized person and created spreadsheets tracking her levels, dosages, and such.   Have to say that I was in awe of what she did and felt like a bit of a slacker, but I’ve never been that organized of a person.   Anyone want to create spreadsheets for me?  Ha!

During our chat,  we talked exercise.   Her doctor who is also a leading doctor for Hypoparathyroidism has different mindset than mine who is also a leading doctor. Hers does not want her to do strenuous exercise because then she must up her calcium intake while my doctor does not think this is an issue as long as my levels stay good.   I do need to up calcium levels during exercise and while I do not take a tremendous amount of calcium compared to some people with the disorder, I do adjust on days that I push myself adding almost 1000mg or more depending upon intensity/sweating/distance.

She asked me a question that I can’t seem to shake….

Is it worth it?

My immediate response was yes because I get so much from it.   Great cardio workout,  hopefully help to maintain weight which creeped up, friendships, and honestly the most important… The peace of mind it brings.   The clarity that I get when my mind ponders things during a run I have not been able to duplicate elsewhere.

Still…. I ponder….

Even with these things I need to ask myself, “Is it worth it?”

Pushing myself can be difficult.   I’ve recently realized that my calcium drops with my cycle but even at my “normal” levels there are issues.   And while I have adjusted and continued my training,  I have been pondering what to do after NYC Marathon.

The marathon is a tough beast.   It is unforgiving.   It is intense.    It is harsh, but in the end and at it’s core

IT IS A BEAUTIFUL AND AMAZING JOURNEY

For now, it is worth it.

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Nothing Worthwhile is Easy

Aug21

As a runner we all have running montras

Your race, your pace

If it was easy, everyone would do it.

Your only competing against yourself.

Your lapping everyone still on the couch.

 

And while all of these montras are true and for the most part I do 100% believe them, there are times when it is hard.   When it is hard to let things go.   When those nasty thoughts enter my head.   Not jealous of other runner and their accomplishments, but angry with myself for where I am.

While I know others have it worse than I do….

While I know that I am not alone in having struggles…

While I know that it could be so much worse and others suffer more…

I also know that there are many people with Hypoparathyroidism that would love to do the things that I currently do because they are unable to.

That does not lesson my struggles and my reality.   As with any chronic disease, each person manifests the symptoms differently.   There is no one size fits all.  And with Hypoparathyroidism, it is different all the time.   Calcium levels fluctuate and there is no way to know.   It’s all just a guessing game on a daily basis since different days may require more calcium intake just to keep your body functioning at not even peak, but just below peak.   There is not at home blood test like a diabetic uses to determine calcium need.   It’s all just a guessing game.

I’ve said it before and I do believe it with not a shred of scientific evidence to back me up that the reason that I am able to do the things I do now is because of the aerobic shape I was in before my surgery.  I literally ran the NYC Marathon just 2 weeks prior to my thyroid surgery.   There are some people with my disease that need to go out on disability because the struggle is so bad.   Again each person is different.

This past weekend I just got back from a 10 day camping trip in Vermont.   I said to my son while we  were out on a 16 mile bike ride around the lake (mind you the day after climbing Jay’s Peaks a 4,000 foot elevation) that I was going to be slow.   I told him that although I make it look easy, I struggle more than he knows.   This is true because while I moan and groan here on my blog, in person I usually just don’t complain.  Really what will it do?

Here is the truth that I’ve said before….. For right now in order to keep my kidneys healthy, I need to keep my calcium level low which brings the symptoms associated with it.     To name a few,  muscle cramps and fatigue which makes training a little more difficult than it used to be.   I also can’t handle the heat as easily as I used to be.

Nothing worthwhile in life is easy.  Marriage, Having kids, raising kids, even some friendships at times are hard.  Nothing is easy.   They are all worth the struggle, but not necessarily easy.   The payoff is worth the effort.

Nothing worthwhile in life is easy….

Especially running a marathon.

This will be my second marathon with Hypoparathyroidism.    It will be my 6th overall.   Each one had it’s challenges.   Each one had it struggles.   I was able to push through all of them and make it to the finish line.   This time it will be no different.

effort

 

 

 

Limitations

Aug3

We all hate limitations.   Limitations on a sale item.   Limitations on our time.   Limitations on our food portions (oh wait, maybe that’s just me!).   Certainly limitations on our bank accounts.   Can we all agree that limitations just suck?

Add to the list – limitations on your running abilities.

Today’s run was definitely one where I felt my limitations.   I was running on empty which I knew when I went out for my run which annoyed me.   I usually try to push through my limitations and pretend they are not there, but when your lips start to tingle and your eye feels like it wants to twitch, there is only so much you can do.   Some limitations are just that limitations.

In my day to day life, I like to pretend these limitations don’t bother me.   I know it is what it is and I have accepted it, but acceptance does not always mean making peace.  Those are two different organisms.    It is a work in progress, but some days it is harder than others.

Today I when I went out for my run, I already knew I was sluggish which annoyed me.   I pushed the pace more than I should.   If you looked at my overall splits, they look good.   But if you look closer, I may have been a hot mess.   I was pushing paces that I had no business pushing even hitting an 8:52 at one point.   These paces were not sustainable, at at least I was smart enough to walk/run.  Although because I was running too fast, by mid run I was walking more than I should.

That being said overall paces looked nice

11:14, 11:08, 11:53

But again not the whole truth.

The truth is this was not a smart run.    This run was not what I needed, but as I told a friend afterwards, “Some times you’ve got to say what the F.”

So I dusted myself off, I took some extra calcium, and I will try to run where I am an not where I want to be.

Besides if making peace with things in life was so easy, you would not appreciate it when you actually do find it.

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