Getting Back on the Horse

Sep8

Today’s run was definitely a mental one. Yes, it was physical because I was going for between 8-9 miles; but I was in my head a lot before lacing up.

Every run is a mental run from the procrastinating to the lacing up and getting out the door. There are so many reasons not to run. There are so many reasons to push yourself to get out and run too.

I needed to get out of my head today. I needed to remind myself that I can do this. I would be lying if I didn’t say that last week scared the crap out of me. I would be lying if it didn’t cross my mind to stop pushing so hard, to stay home and just say I’m throwing in the towel. While on my Hypopara journey, I have had tetany before. I have had muscle spasms. I have had the tingles, the brain fog, and been symptomatic. The difference is that I always felt like I still was in control as these symptoms were more annoying than anything else.

I won’t go into again, but last week’s calcium crash was bad. It scared me. It stopped me in my tracks. It reminded me that this is more than just annoying. This is real and needs to be taken seriously. I liked to pretend that it wasn’t and wouldn’t stop me. Honestly, I’ve been more worried about my kidney health than the actual Hypopara symptoms. I realized that I needed to take BOTH as seriously as I should.

This week was a stressful week at work. It was also the first week without summer hours. No longer leaving at 3, but 1. Doesn’t sound like a lot, but for those who don’t know I am also a childcare teacher. This means I am on my feet and really in constant motion both mentally and physically all day.

I wanted to run this week, but I didn’t. I could tell that I wasn’t ready. Yesterday I just didn’t have the energy. I had stayed up too late baking a cake. Oh yeah, I’m also a home baker. So yesterday I didn’t run.

This morning no excuses…. Except I was nervous. I prepared for my run giving myself an half an hour for morning meds to kick in. I filled my water bottles. I have the Fitletic running belt. So I filled 2 with water and one with electrolytes. I then put into the belt some kind nut bars, extra meds, and off I went. I also put back on my running Id that has contact info and also a “Hypoparthyroidism check calcium.” I had gotten a new band and never put it back on. I got complacent.

I started off running streets close to home making grids for the first three miles. I stayed close to home for the remainder of the run too. Not going too far out which sometimes I do for a longer run. Today was about keeping a comfortable pace. Walking when needing to, but not just because I want to. It was about listening to my body. At around 5 miles, I added some full in the form of some of the kind bar. At around 6.5 miles, I took 250 of calcium. Half of my normal afternoon dose. Then just kept moving.

I finished. I got to 8.5. At the end of the run I was thinking of doing a few streets to get to 9, but I figured this was enough……. And it was!

Mentally my head is back in the game. Mentally I know that I can do this but have to be smarter.

Hope

Aug18

This was a full week filled with work, training and hope! So lets break it down….

Training has been going well. As I said, I am not going to do every run as a run, but I am doing my training. I also am trying to be proactive and went totally the podiatrist to get a new pair of orthotics. I have suffered with plantar fasciitis in the pst, so I am trying to get ahead of it. This is also one of the reasons that i am not doing all my training as running. There is a benefit to it.

I was surprised that when I went to the podiatrist he told me that the last time I got orthotics was in 2017. I knew it had been a while, but that is definitely too long for feet like mine. I am also trying to make sure to do some daily exercises and stretches. I really want to do all i can not to deal with the pain of plantar faciatis. Fingers crossed.

As for the hope……..

This week TransCon PTH was approved by the FDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is now the first hormone replacement therapy approved for those of us with Hypopara. I am excited because I remember how I felt when I was taking Natpara (another therapy that was pulled). That being said, I also know getting on it will be a whole other hurdle.

When I was on Natpara it required special approval because it was not FDA approved. It also was extremely expensive. It didn’t cost me anything because it was all covered by Shire (the company) seeking approval. The cost was nothing to sneeze at since it was over $10 THOUSAND dollars a month. So there’s that, but I haven’t heard the cost of TransCon yet.

I am hopeful that even if it has a high cost that I would still qualify but I’m not sure cost wise if it will be affordable. Fingers crossed. I think that I would qualify since I am slowly damaging my kidneys with my high urine calcium levels. I check my levels every 6 months. My last 24 hour urine level was 560 even though I take “low” doses of calcium and calcitriol. My levels are usually over 350, but I’ve been over 500 a few times. For those unsure what this means, for someone without Hypopara a high level is anything over 250. They give some leeway for those of us with it, but anything over 300 is considered high….. So go me:)

These high levels are the reason I have said that I am trying not to add calcium into my training but work in the constrains of what I normally take. I may adjust when I take, but I really am trying not to add more unless it is necessary to keep my serum calcium levels in check.

Balance…

Balance…..

So looking forward to the day that I can take an injection of PTH daily and then let my body do what it is supposed to do. Until then….

Here we are:)

Are you planning to get in line to get on TransCon?

Numbers, Numbers, Numbers

Aug11

This past week I feel good about all that I accomplished. Going into this training plan, I recognized that I would not be able to follow it to perfection. that being said, I do want to follow the training days if possible even if I don’t follow the miles. I feel for a variety of reasons that it is not in my best interest to run every run. I plan to substitute biking for running, some elliptical and who knows maybe even swimming. The swimming might be a stretch.

As I’ve said before, this plan is to train to run on tired legs. Ha! Anyway, I only missed one workout this week. I did switch training days, biked instead of ran, and just did what needed to do.

I am trying to go into this training also by not adding any extra calcium to my daily intake. When I first became hypopara, I trained like I had no issues. To be honest, I had not because I was keeping my serum calcium levels up, adding extra calcium for long runs and just going about business as usual. Right up until I took my first 24 hour urine test and it was well over 500. I’ve adjusted, but since being Hypopara the only time my 24 urine test came back normal was when I was on Natpara. As for now, levels while still hi9g are in the mid 300’s. I’ve been lucky so far not to have nay issues with these high levels. Except, of course, for the anxiety it brings.

So with my training, I don’t want to add extra calcium just for the sake of adding it. I’m will add if necessary if I feel like my levels are dropping. You know that whole guessing game since there is no at home calcium test. Anyway, this means I will try to plan my training around when I’m taking my pills. So far so good. I’m sure once I go for longer runs I will need to adjust. Adjust here. Adjust there.

I have been also working on controlling pace. A work n progess

This week coming up, I already know instead of an 8 mile run that I will turn that into a 24 miles on the bike. From what I could find online the ratio is 3 bike miles to 1 running miles. That is what I’m going with.

Felling good. Tired, but a normal tired and that is all I can ask for. I’m falling asleep as I type this, so I think it’s time to say goodnight.

Training smarter…. Not harder….. we shall see

Empty Cup

Aug7

I am following a training plan to run on tired legs. Here’s the thing though…… My legs are always tired, sore and feel like I need to stretch which is why for Christmas I got a leg massager.

Sometimes you feel like your cup is filled.

Sometimes you feel like your cup is half filled.

And sometimes…..

Sometimes you feel like not only is your cup empty, but maybe it has a crack in it and is broken.

Today I had 5 miles on my training plan. I had every intention of running. The weather while rainy had cooled significantly. I was looking forward to it. Then I hit the wall.

As a runner, most of us know that feeling of hitting a wall. Usually this is on mile 20 of a marathon. I’ve done that and it’s not pretty. Sometimes though with Hypopara, you don’t need to be running a marathon to hit the wall.

Today was one of those day. I woke up, went to work as a preschool teacher, and come home with intention of running. I still had some things I needed to do at home and did them. I forgot to take my afternoon calcium which I normally take when I get home. Apparently that was enough to hit the wall.

What does my wall feel like….. It is intense fatigue. I have said to my family that it is not that I want to take a nap, but I NEED to take a nap. Like I can’t go another step. Luckily I don’t hit this as much as I used to, but when I do there is no ignoring it.

So I curled up on the couch and took a short nap. It was enough to get me going. Not to run, but to get other things done that needed to be done

So pushing a run back a day is better than trying to push through on a day like today.

If you know, you know:)

Tomorrow is another day.

Hello is it Me Your Looking For?

Aug3

Hello…… It’s been a hot minute. I thought I gave up blogging. I really didn’t think I had much to say anymore. I didn’t think anyone would miss it. Then I remembered that I started this blog for me and I missed it.

I think one of the reasons that I stopped blogging is because I didn’t really know where I fit in. When I started this blog, I was your average woman in her 40’s working on getting into shape by signing up for an event. I had goals. I had will. That’s what I blogged about. I was a middle of the pack runner who was driving to bbetter. I was making progress too. I had worked with a coach. I completed lots of events. I finished a 50K, multiple marathons and was training to run a 4 hour marathon. It was in reach.

Now I won’t get into how I blew it in 2016 running NYC Marathon like it was a half marathon and paying the price. I’ve already blogged about that. I had chances to correct that mistake….. or so I thought.

Two weeks after that race is when I had my thyroid removed. Those who have been here a while know that took me into the journey of Hypoparathyroidism. It has slowed me down. It has definitely put a speed bump in my path. It has done a lot, but what it has not done is cause me to give up.

It took a while, but I continued to push through. Learning along the way. While I continued to blog and train….. I wasn’t sure where I fit into it all. I wasn’t sure that those that were following my blog previously wanted to hear these new trials and tribulations because really they signed up for a running blog.

I tried…. I tried… I tried….. and tried some more. I just didn’t feel like I was being authentic with every post. This may have been why the posts became far and few between until they just stopped.

Again….. I never stopped.

I’m rebranding. If you’re looking for a traditional running blog, this may not be longer be where you want to be. Although truth be told, I’m not even sure who is her anymore….. The reason I like blogging is that often it feels like talking to myself. So if you’re here, please say Hello!

Hypopara is strange. It is the only time when the body is missing a hormone (PTH) where there is currently no FDA approved hormone replacement treatment available. It’s coming. So they say. Those of us in the Hypopara community have heard this before. We’ve had the rug pulled out from us when they took away Natpara. So we shall see and we shall continue to wait while going about our business.

Anyway, this blog will still focus on my running, but it is going to focus on my running as a Hypopara athlete. There is no one size fits all with Hypoparaa. Our bodies all handle things differently. Like everything in life, we each just do what we can. So if you are new to the blog as a Hypopara athlete, please say Hi too:)

Now that that is out-of-the-way…… Let me tell you what I’m up to.

I have just started training for a half marathon. This half is actually going to be used as a training run because my real goal is to complete the Quadruple Play Marathon Challenge…. NO IT IS NOT A MARATHON. It is a 3.8 trail run on Friday. Then Saturday a 5K followed shortly with a 10K. Then a Half Marathon on Sunday.

I have done this event before. More than once. I’ve done it Hypopara too. The last time I signed up for it, I was not ready. It broke me a little bit because it was my first and only DNS. I was not in a good spot with my calcium levels and training. I only was able to do the trail, 5k, & 10k. I never came back to do the Half. So there’s that. I’ve got something to prove. To no one else but myself.

Game on!

Race Day Recap

Mar21

The beauty of living close to NYC is being able to do NYRR races. The downside of living close to NYC is how early you must get up to go in for a NYC race. Logistics are not horrible, but it still adds time to your day. To be honest, I always plan more about getting in than getting out. It really is because I know that I can get on a train and get home even if I’m not that familiar with the trains.

So up at 4 AM and meet up for the van that was taking several of us in at 5. Seems too early which it is especially when you are starting in last wave. That being said, some of the women in the van are speedy and do need to be there early. Plus the roads around the race will close. So up and out early.

When I signed up for this race, I did think that one of my running friends would with me. I knew early on in my training though that would not be the case. I’m used to be a solitary runner, so it was not a deal braker fro me. I was running this race for me anyway:)

I prepped all my things the night before and thought that I was all good to go. Right up until I got there and realized that I forgot my headphones. The way I looked at it thought if you were going to gorget something on race day, this really is the best thing to forget. Especially at a NYC race. There is always so much to see.

The weather was perfect for race day. Chilly in the morning, but running temps were perfect. I always run hot anyway. So I planned to wear shorts with long compression socks, a short sleeve shirt and running sleeves. It all worked out. Throwaway jacke and blanket till the start. Checked bag for the finish. All Good.

As I said in previous post, I did not train for pace, but did have my plan for race day. I knew not to get caught up in the excitement in the beginning and just make sure to stay true to my training. I wanted to stay in the high 12/low 13 pace. I ran most, but walked when I felt I needed to or on a hill. Most of all is I enjoyed the day. I took in the crowds. I enjoyed the sites. I took pleasure in being able to do what I was doing.

Around mile 9 on one of the bridges a woman ran by me. She thanked me for running for Sandy Hook Promise. She then said she used to live in Newton and again appreciated me running for them. It was a boost that I needed. I got several of these through out the day. From seeing another Sandy Hook Promise runner as I was getting ready to start the race to something as simple as seeing a sign with an S (Sandy Hook Promise) on it when I was getting tired. Then on another occasion seeing an N (Newton) . Yes, you see signs when you are looking. I was looking.

At mile 10, my Sandy Hook Promise cheer zone was there and they always bring a smile to my face. At mile 12 my friend whose daughter was running was there with her daughter who finished much earlier than me (started wave 2 and ran sub 2). So I kept running.

As I was walking another runner came up to me and asked if she could finish the race with me. She hit the wall. So we walked, we ran, we chatted and most of all we got each other to the finish line. It was a picture perfect ending to a great day!

Although with a big event it’s never really over as it takes miles of walking to get out of park and home. All worth it..

Bringing My A Game

Mar19

When I worked with a running coach a few years ago, she always had me come up with 3 goals prior to an event.

A Goal – A goal within reach, but one that you need to work for

B Goal – A doable goal

C Goal – What is the minimum that you will be happy with.

So for the NYC Half, I kept these goals to myself. I knew going into my training that I really would like to run the half in under 3 hours. While training, I did not train for this goal so much as realize that this was within reach if I pushed just enough. I mostly trained by feel and heart rate. I made sure to do my training runs at a push and my long runs slower than I felt I could push. I always wanted to finish a training run like I could do more if needed. I usually did too.

One thing that I was very conscious of during my training is that I did not want to add extra calcium. What I tried to do was to time my daily calcium in a way to incorporate into my runs.

It has taken me some time since my surgery to get to this point, but I finally finally finally came to the mindset of………. I want to run, but I need to run smart. All the time. I can not push the pace to the point where I need to add more calcium. While it temporarily will feel right, long term it is not for me.

Since my surgery, I have been fighting high urine calcium levels. At it’s highest it was 578. (For those not Hypopara and unfamiliar anything over 250 is high. For Hypopara, your doctors try to keep it in around 300)……. Now it was at the highest, when I was taking .5 calcitriol twice a day with calcium through out the day. I also took extra calcium to run runs the way that pushed my body. My levels have come down, but even with being careful they are steadily going back up. I am currently at levels over 350.

So what does this mean…… basically these higher levels are hard on my kidney’s. I am lucky that currently I have had no kidney issues; BUT I say this as my kidney functions have moderate loss of function. Not enough that I would notice, but until a PTH (Parathyroid Hormone that regulates calcium & phosphate in body) I will need to continue to take medication to regulate. These help me function like a normal person but also are hard on the kidneys. I am not willing to push my kidneys to the limit to run a pace that matters to no one.

Seriously, who cares about my pace?

For a while after my surgery, I did. I wanted to maintain where I was prior to surgery. I wanted to pretend that the surgery and Hypopara didn’t change me, but the truth of the matter it did. It was also about pride. I wanted to run the paces that I could. No lie, I did enjoy pushing myself. Running a Sub 2 half (prior to surgery). Running 9 minute paces. Being a front of the middle runner.

Guess what?

I am no longer a mid pack runner. I am a back of the pack runner. I am starting in the last wave and in some cases the last corral.

Here is what I’ve come to realize though……

I am starting. I am running…… I am still me. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride. Put it aside and know that it only matters to you. When I was able to put pride aside, I was able to train where I am and not where I wanted to be. I was able to train smart. To listen to my body. To run smarter and not harder. By doing that, I was able to actually do what I wanted to do.

I put pride aside. I made a realistic goal. If I hadn’t made it, I would have been ok. But the fact that I made it shows that I am doing what I need to do. Most of all, I did it by working smarter and not harder.

So what does this mean….

This means more running in my future. I even signed up for a fall race. One that I did previously. The Hat Trick. A 5k & 10K on a Saturday followed by a half on Sunday.

Crazy?

Yes.

Exciting?

You bet…. Can’t wait.

Stay tuned because believe it or not, there is more to talk about regarding the NYC Half. Although this is enough for today.

Fear of Failure

Mar18

Fear of failure is motivating.

Fear of failure is debilitating.

Fear of failure can push us to hard or not hard enough.

It can make us stand still or push us forward.

The question though is who defines your failures?

Is trying and not succeeding failure or is not trying at all the failure?

It can also make you spread yourself too thin as I mentioned the other day.

But what if fear of failure has more to do more with fear of not. Being perfect.

You know the whole getting in shape befor eyou start going to the gym.

Worrying that you won’t hit a specific pace. That you aren’t what you think you should be.

Fear of failure can keep you from updating your blog because what if you put it out there and you swing and miss.

So yesterday I ran the NYC United Half Marathon. I went inot it fairly trained. I followed my training plan. I didn’t follow it by pace, but by heart rate, feel and distance. I put the miles in. I did what I needed to do to feel like I could “comfortable” run the distance.

I had a thought of what I wanted to run. My A goal was it be under 3 hours. Based on my paces from training, I felt that if I ran a smart race that it was an achievable goal. My B goal was 3:30. If the wheels fell off, just finishing.

I did it…….

I brought my A game.

There is more to this story which I will tell tomorrow.

For now though, I am happy to know that I didn’t let fear stop me from doing what I set out to do. I did it smartly. I did it with hard work. Most of all, I did it with a smile.

A Slow Ember

Feb18

I used to feel that I must give 100% to everything. Maybe even 110%. Just give it everything. Give it my all. The Go Big or Go Home mentality.

But what if I just want to go home? Ok not anymore, but that’s what happened. You can’t just give everything in your life 100%, because eventually you have nothing left to give.

I love to bake and have a home baking business…

I began a new career path becoming a preschool teacher in September working full time…

I like to run…

I have a family…

I have a life….

All of these things are important. All of these things pull at me. All of these things in the moment require 100%, but they can not consume me.

The problem was that was trying to do it all like the other things didn’t exist. Life does not take place in a vacuum. I never gave myself a break. I went from on thing to the next. I felt like I was failing at all of it because you can’t give it all 100% and have anything left for yourself. Maybe some of you can, but I can’t. Add to that my Hypoparathyroidism and my tank is usually not full anyway.

Balance. I’ve said it before. I will say it again.

Period.

Knowing when to say no. Knowing when you are at your limit. Knowing that it is Ok to enjoy things just for the sake of enjoying them. Knowing you get clarity when you step back and say…

ENOUGH

I love (not always and I do complain) to run, but that always went to bottom of list. This meant that I was at the bottom of the list. Running gives me time to both turn my brain off and give me time to think. If you are a runner, you get that. Yet, that always went to the bottom.

I also realized that while all the things I do are important, so are limits. Limits on the amount of time and energy I put into them. No matter how you slice is there are only 24 hours in a day. So learning to say no is ok. Learning to know when your plate is filled and also learning to plan things out o not to be overwhelming.

I am still working on this but one thing I need to remember is that if I should not be the last on the list. I don’t need to take every baking order that comes my way if it will not fit in my schedule. While my job is extremely important, I do need to give myself a break when I leave. I need to make time to make sure that I can do the things that I want to do.

I’ve been running. I’ve been making time. I’ve run a few 5K’s. I’ve made time to run with friends. I’ve been training. Today’s training was 8 miles in the cold.

I loved it. Nothing clears my mind like a good run.

So here is to running, finding balance and taking a nap on a Sunday afternoon.

More to follow soon as with this new found desire to find balance and do things for me, I have a goal. I may even have several goals. Goals that will help me retain my balance:)

Control

Feb3

Sometimes your up.

Sometimes your down.

The trick is not to get stuck when your down. Easier said then done.

Sometimes you get stuck through no fault of your own. Sometimes you can’t control what is happening. Happening to those around you. Happening to your body. Happening in your life.

Get a health diagnosis…. Out of your control

Loose your job…… Out of your control

Things people do in your circle…… Out of your control

It is a fallacy to say that we control our own destiny. Yes, I know there are those who would disagree. Yes, there are many things we control but the biggest thing is truly the way we react to all that life throws at you. The truth is sometimes we handle it well. Sometimes we don’t handle it at all and ignore and sometimes we just hold on and scream. Probably why life is often referred to as a roller coaster…. Or is that just me?

Anywho…. What does this have to do with my training? Not sure, but I do feel that I’m in agood space controlling all that life has been sending my way.

Trying to find my balance with working full time while still working my home baking business and my household.

Trying to find my balance with healthy eating and finding time for training without bringing myself to brink of exhaustion.

So far so good. I have 6 weeks to the NYC Half. While I have not been following my training plan exactly, I have been following. I am getting the miles in. I have been doing the cross training. I feel like this will be a good event. I have been going back and forth between following a walk/run plan to just going by feel. I know I will walk during the event. I just am still deciding if it will b part of the actual race day running plan or just a go with the flow thing. I have 6 weeks to figure it out. The most important thing is to get the miles in especially the long runs.

I am (so far) feeling confident in my training. Feeling like I am doing what I should be doing and that I will go into this event prepared to finish.

I am doing what is in my control and we will see how this all plays out:)

The Accidentally Running Mama

Run, Bike, Swim and Have a Life!

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