Nothing to Prove; Nothing to Loose

Jan26

Ok this isn’t entirely true. As with millions of others, I do have a little bit to loose after the holidays. Who after indulging all through the holiday’s didn’t notice their buttons on their jeans a little harder to snap? Come on, hands in the air!

Although not counting calories nor going on a diet as I hate those things, I am making better choices. Getting back to adding more fruits, veggies, and better meals into my weeks. That being said, if I want to have french toast with whipped cream and banana foster I will.

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I did.

I still think that once I’m back into my new running/exercise routine things will fall back into place. NO you can’t exercise away a bad diet, nor is it a good idea to train and run a marathon on crap food. So as I start fueling with better things, I start running more miles, and I start adding cross training the jeans will start to feel better:) I went to the doctors yesterday and got on the dreaded scale. I’ve got my reality check. I go back in two months, so I will know how things are going. It’s called eating for life.

I’m getting energized about my exercise plan too. Too often many of us do nothing but run. I am pretty guilty of this. But there is more to training than running. I know, scandalous. I’ve just finished reading Mastering the Marathon, Time-Efficient Training Secrets for the 40-plus Athlete. Well that’s me! Had a lot of great information. One of the things that I really am going to embrace is the use of brick workouts. I have decided for the NJ Marathon, my goal is not a specific time goal. This will make training a lot less stressful and allow me a lot of wiggle room. My goal will be to finish and finish well. Since this is the first marathon where I am 100% on my own for my training, I would like to use this training time as a way to find out what works for me. I am going to try different things – brick work outs, possibly less miles since I will be doing brick workouts, and lots of cross training. Then I plan to take the things that I learn from NJ and take that to my Chicago training.

Living

Learing

Moving on

Fake it Till You Feel it?

Jan7

My new expression really seems to be…..

I’m just not feeling it.

So true.

I know I need to get running again. This week I actually did start. I’m proud to say that I went out for 3 three mile runs. They were not fast. They were not pretty, but they were all in a different season. The first one was on a nice day. The second one it was a cold rain. Then the last one was run on a cold day with snow covering the ground. That should count for something.

I guess it does, but

I’m so not feeling it.

Last month I had signed up for a 10K trail race. I was smart enough to know that I would not be ready for more than that. I realized that really I wasn’t even ready for that. I’m sure that I could have gone out and got it done. I’ve done crazier things than that in the past. Like last year at this same race I ran what I refer to as a surprise marathon. I was feeling it. I had the drive.

Today and most days right now….

I’m not feeling it.

not-feeling-it

It’s more than my running too. It’s just the way I feel right now about most things. I’m not sure if it’s hormonal. I’m not sure if it is the medicine’s that I’ve been taking. I’m not sure if is the lower calcium levels that I’ve been fighting. I’m just not sure. I just know that I have not been myself. I’ve been going through the motions like everyone else, but my heart has just not been in it like normal. I’m normally a happy go lucky kind of person and I know this just isn’t me. I’m working on it though.

I have always heard that recognizing there is a problem is the first step. I recognize that I’m just not myself and will talk to my doctor about it.

In the meantime, I’m going to continue with the fake it till you feel it mentality. Besides whether I like it or not, I really am officially entering marathon training. I will go through the motions until I find the joy that I normally get not just from running but life in general.

This weekend I plan to look at marathon training plans. I do not plan to follow one to the letter T, but I do want to figure out which one I will use as a general guideline. This marathon will be interesting. My first big race back running after surgery. My first race that I will be in charge of my training. I think I will like the flexibility of it even if I won’t be as prepared as in the past. Who knows….. I may surprise myself.

What plan do you follow for marathon training?

Time to Get Going

Jan1

You know what they say

when-the-going-gets-tough

Well I already know from life experience that I’m pretty tough. So it is time to get going. That being said, I will be honest. I almost didn’t get out the door today. I’m out of habit. I’m out of shape and my couch was just too comfy. Luckily, I had made plans to run with a friend and she texted about going out for our run. Hard to say I just want to sit on the couch when your friend is texting and your 10 year old is saying “Run Forest Run.”

Out the door I went.

It wasn’t really that pretty. I have definitely lost stamina while more than likely increasing mass, but I’m not getting on a scale to verify. No more negative splits.

You know what?

I’m actually ok with that.

You know why?

I’m running again.

It is going to take time to build a base again. I’m also right where I want to be. I’ve got 4 months to build back up for the NJ Marathon. Perfect timing and incentive to get going.

I’ve got this.

Let The Games Begin

Oct29

Next week at this time I will hopefully be putting the final touches on what I will need for the NYC Marathon. Hopefully, I will even be getting ready to sit down to a nice carb loading dinner too.

I’ve finally decided to take my head out of the sand and actually it has been very good. All this talk about not being excited and admitting the truth of how I’m feeling has been freeing. Dare I say it, it is even getting my a little excited.

I’m an avoider by nature. I like to bury my head in the sand and not deal with things. It’s often my way of dealing with things. Dealing with things is messy, complicated, and means you actually have to face things. So by pretending the marathon wasn’t happening, I could just go about my business.

BUT

When I pulled back the curtain, I got wise words of advise and incite from friends. One friend really knows me well and she may have put the final nail in the coffin why I was feeling the way I was feeling. It was the real thing that I was avoiding which was NOT the marathon….

My surgery. See the way, I spoke about my upcoming surgery (getting my thyroid removed) was it’s after the marathon. So if the marathon happens, by default that means then so is my surgery. Yes all the other reasons for my non marathon excitement are true, but this was true. When she asked me about it, it really was like a door was opened. I heard and knew the truth of her words. I will have to deal with this, BUT FIRST THE MARATHON.

Then another thing happened, in talking with my coach and friends we started talking about my training and goals. My one running mama pointed out that the if I want to see the sites of NY, we can take a short road trip to see this and that I can run this race. I realized something. I think I actually want to run this thing. I mean not all out I’m going to die run this thing, but I want to run this and I want to run this well.

I’ve got a lot coming up, but it’s time to be a grown up and face them. I realize that I want this (the marathon not surgery silly). I want it bad. I want to hobble from the finish line of the NYCM knowing that I ran a smart race. That I ran it to the best of my ability. That my training was not just to get to the start line, but get my ass to the finish line too.

I’ve got this now.

And thank you to all my real life in person friends who have given me encouragement, kick in the behind, and your wonderful incites. You are amazing and I’m so lucky to have all of you.

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Quiet Please

Sep3

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Yesterday, I had what my coach calls a cut-down. I guess it is similar to a tempo run but a little different.

When I first started with my coach it took me a while to adjust to these runs. With most things, it gets better with practice. I find these runs are also a great way to get good at learning to keep pace. The thing is when I started my cut-downs were not as fast as they are now. Here was yesterdays scheduled run:

1 mile easy
1 miles @ 8:55-9:05
1 miles @ 8:45-55
1 miles @ 8:35-45
1 miles @ 8:20-35
1 miles easy

Just looking at these paces makes me wonder what I am doing. But this week I am determined to get all my assigned runs in at my assigned paces if possible. If nothing else I am comitted to stop making lame excuses. Although it’s not always easy.

I knew that I wanted to do this cut-down on a treadmill. I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to go till the evening. Then evening comes and I’m ready to go…… But first

Hubby has been home sick and I run to pick him up some soup (yeah, I’m good like that)

Literally while pulling into parking lot of YMCA – “Mom, can you pick me and my friends (they are out at local festival) and they are going to come back and hang out our house.” I’m like sure when only to find out that he meant right then. Out of the parking lot I go.

Hubby, “Are you still planning to go run?”

AHHHHHH, yes I am. On a day less committed, I might have said no. Not last night. So finally get to the treadmill and think that maybe I won’t do the full 6. Maybe I’ll only do 5. Maybe I won’t run as fast as cut-down calls for. On and on that little voice goes and mile by mile I shut her down.

Was the run hard. You bet, but I think that is the point. I’m always amazed when a hard run is over that I could actually do it. There is a sense of accomplishment not only with completing a hard run, but shutting down that inner voice that wants you to take the easy way out.

Some days the voice is quiet, but on these days where it is a constant struggle to shut it up I know I am that much stronger. It is learning to shut up this voice that will help me push through the wall in a marathon or any hard run for that matter. For most or at least for me, the wall is not based on pain or at least pain that can’t be run through. It is when the voice becomes to loud and I fall into the trap and listen to her. These are the runs that teach me that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. These are the runs that will remind me that that voice is a liar.

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Come Back to Me……

Sep1

After many months, I was FINALLY able to get a much need run in with a friend tonight. The beauty of your running friends is they will tell you what you want to hear, sometimes things you don’t want to hear, and just listen while you ramble on too. It’s a special thing:)

We were talking about my training and her training as she is also doing New York. We both have similar goals except that I’m not really sure of my goals right now. Things are kind of up in the air, but she made me laugh telling me not to be a “teenager and just do it.” She further pointed out that my training has been getting back on track and that if I give it just a little more time so will my head. Part of that has to do with once the kids get back in school and I can get back to my normal schedule.

Here’s hoping.

I said to her that it has really been a difficult summer and it is even ending on a not so fun note. All of these things are have not totally sucked the life out of my training because I am finally able to get my workouts in. Maybe not all of them, but I’m getting better. I’m getting back doing what I need to do, it is just sucking my get up and go.

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I’ve said before that part of my problem is that last year when training for Marine Corps Marathon, I had committed goals. They were concrete. I don’t have that this time. I am missing the drive that I had. I am trying to find it. I really am, but part of me keeps questioning in the end what does it matter. I know it would be a source of pride to me to run a marathon in 4:30 or under, but other than that what will the point be? I have PR’d in various events. In looking at Athlinks today, I realized that there were a few events that I finished decently and one I even came in first in my age group. Of course, there were only 4 women in that group but still. I’m wondering…… What does it matter?

I not only love to run, but being a runner is part of who I am now. If I were to never run another race again (that’s not happening – don’t panic), I would still need running in my life. I love running, but I’m growing weary of training. Not physically, but mentally.

I know all this mumbo jumbo in my head is due to all that has happened this summer. You can’t loose a loved one and not think about what is important in your life. I wish that was all, but like the commercials says “but there’s more!”

I am committed to running the New York City Marathon. I am committed to training for the New York City Marathon. I am committed to finishing the New York City Marathon. I just wish I knew how I wanted to finish it and what I want out of race day.

It feels good to say that. It feels good to know that.

That is the one thing that has fallen into place today while other things were falling out of place. I do know that I am committed to New York which will mean that I will be committed to training for it. Like a child whose old toys is about to be thrown away, I did not realize how important this has become to me until the prospect of having to bow out became a possibility.

If there sounds like there is more to this story, there is but I’m not at a point to share it all. In the scheme of things it’s not anything tragic or bad, it is just something that I have to deal with. Like laundry, some things just need to be done. When the time is right, I will let you know.

You Want Me To Tell You What!?!

Oct16

We all have goals.

We all have dreams.

We don’t always verbalize them though and put them out into the universe.

Even someone like me who seems to tell everyone more than they want to know. There is just something too scary about doing that. When I ran Philly, I had a goal in mind, but I really didn’t tell anyone. I did say that I would like to finish in under 5 hours. What I didn’t tell anyone was that in my mind, I really wanted to finish around 4:45.

Guess what?

I finished Philly in 4:46:20

Guess What?

In my mind, I wanted to finish around 4:45. I told that to no one. It was between me, myself, and I. It was less scary that way. This time apparently, I have to put it all out there. Now, I don’t mean here on the blog out there. I mean I have to tell my coach. She wants me to start thinking about and tell her Monday the following:

A: The dream race on the perfect day goal

B: the hard but doable goal

c: the day sucked but I’m still happy with my race goal

In my mind, I know what I would like the answers to be. I’m just not sure If I want to lay it on the line like that. My Coach says that this is her way of making you stay accountable. I’m not sure that I want to be accountable. She also said that A does not need to be feasible YET or it can just be something that is possible but ambitious. I think I will go with the later. I also have to be careful because if I put too ambitious of a goal, she might think that’s what I want to run in the NYCM next year.

So I think I know how I will answer these questions in my mind. I just need to see if I have the nerve to write them for her.

Do you say your race goals out loud?

Under Pressure

Oct4

So I’ve been off the radar with my blog updates for what seems like a long time, but in reality it has only been a week. Where has the time gone? What have I been up to? Well I will let you in on little secret……

I’ve been running:)

The closer you get to your goal marathon (or at least this is true for me), the more pressure you have. Not the pressure of training as with training it becomes more about the time. The pressure of finding the time as the runs are longer. It’s the pressure to find a few hours several days a week while doing everything else that needs to be done.

Under Pressure

When I first started my pretraining if you will. I was running a few hours a week and now some of my runs are hours.

This does not allow for much down time.

The pressure to try to keep up the house. Now, I’m not talking keep up the house so that you can eat off the floor. I mean the pressure of getting all the things that need to be done done.

Laundry. Grocery shopping. Getting kids to activities. Getting kids home from activities. Feeding family, showering, ect, ect, ect. You know the drill.

It is the pressure of doing all the things that need to be done actually done while maintaining a training schedule that requires more miles and more hours than when you came up with the brilliant idea of running a marathon.

That being said, I can see the silver lining. I am almost to taper time. It’s getting close.

The closer you get too, you have to realize that sometimes you sadly must realign things. You must make choices about what you can and can’t do. As my Coach has said to me, you must keep your eye on the prize.

Today, I should be running the Paine to Pain Trail Half Marathon. I registered very early in the year and this was going to be an epic adventure for Dawn and me. She did it last year and loved it. We were going to do it together. I had thought maybe I would still run it as a training run, but the closer it came to it the more I realized that it might not be the smartest thing for me to do right now. Also the closer you get to your goal race, the more paranoid you get that you will twist an ankle or something (again at least me.). So for this year, I had to give up my adventure with Dawn.

Although, I’m sure that she will still have an epic adventure! She actually decided to become a sweeper for the race. I can’t wait to hear all about it and am slightly sad that I am not there. Truth be told though I did NOT miss the early wake up call:) Dawn and I will have many more times for epic adventures and this was just not to be.

I am to the point in my training where I need to remember to enjoy the ride. I’ve put in countless hours and countless miles (that’s not true I do keep track). I feel as ready as I will ever be, but I have to not let the pressure trip me up.

How do you handle the pressure of training and life?

Just Keep Running, Running, Running

Sep22

Thankfully today is a Rest Day. Ok, actually I should do some swimming or Yoga. Maybe I will, but honestly I probably won’t. I might take a power nap later if that counts. Doesn’t it?

So how did these last 2 days go?

Pretty good if I do say so.

Let’s start with the Cut-Down. I went into this confident and I do think that might make a bit of a difference. What has also helped is that the temperatures cooled to perfect fall temps. Yes, indeed, that makes a huge difference. I have to say this was hands down my BEST cut-down. I felt good. I felt confident and my splits are very pretty if I do say so myself and I do:) I did need to stop around mile 5 as I thought I had something in my shoe. Took shoe/sock off and all looked good until I got home with bloody toe. My feet are going to need some major TLC when Marine Corps Marathon is over. Without further ado, here it is:

Total Time: 1:40:02

Splits: 10:53. 9:56, 9:54, 9:48, 9:42, 9:35, 9:25, 9:11, 9:09, 12:30

Pretty sure I was about to have a heat attack by the end of mile 9, but then I remembered this was supposed to be hard and pushed till the end of the mile. I do admit as soon as my watch marked the mile, I slowed down. A lot!

I did this run in the afternoon which did concern me as I was planning on my 18 the next morning. The whole point of the 18 though was to run on tired legs and that’s what I did. I plotted out a route not that I ever follow it exactly, but it is enough to get me where I need to go. I started this run with some of my fellow MRTT Mama’s and we did about 6 miles together. Then off to face the miles alone. This was a good combination as I will ultimately be running the marathon alone.

I used a combination of shot blocks, sports jelly beans, Gu, and at mile 12 I stopped to refill my water bottles at a Dunkin Donuts. If you know me, you know that I can’t NOT get a coffee. So I took a 5 minute coffee break and gulped down a small (which I never get) iced latte. I’m not really sure that I would do it again. Although maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing to do since I did finish my 18.

Although, I did get a little help from my friends:):)

As I said, I had my run plotted out. I planned to stop at mile 16 at my friend Genine’s house as she offered to leave water in a cooler for me. I’ll be honest once I stopped I REALLY didn’t want to start up again. But not only was she sweet enough to leave me the water in a cooler, but an inspiring note that really did help push me to keep moving. It became my temporary mantra, “Finish Strong!”

So I kept going, chanting until I hit the hill. I didn’t intentionally plan to end my run on a hill, but it seems to happen to me a lot depending on the way I go. I think this is a positive thing as we all know running up hills is good training. The I remembered that the Marathon ends on a Hill literally! So then I changed my mantra to….

CHARGE THE HILL!

Hey it worked, because I had really good splits at the end.

Moving Time 3:08:26

12:45, 13:01, 10:39, 10:35, 10:46, 11:12, 10:25, 10:32, 10:17, 11:11, 10:52, 10:20, 10:35, 10:32, 11:21, 10:38, 10:18 & then since Garmin didn’t record whole 18 2.36

So today, I am tending to my feet. Doing some stretching and just as importantly catching up on all the things that I have let slide while putting in the miles.

How do you balance it all?

Feeling Good, But Not Too Good!

Sep19

So just because I didn’t train for my Tri, does not mean I’m not serious about my training. If you’ve been here for a bit, you know that although I do like to have fun with my running; I do not take it for granted. I run. I run hard. I train. I train hard. All of my races including the Tri have been about preparing for my goal race, The Marine Corps Marathon. Everything else is just gravy.

That being said, don’t tell anyone but I’m starting to feel strong and confident in my training. I am by no means feeling cocky or like I could slack off at all. I’m also by no means thinking that this is going to be a cake walk. I’m just feeling good about it. I’ve had a good training week and today was a rest day. Who could ask for more.

Me.

Tomorrow, I have a 10 mile cut-down. I’m still trying to figure out when I’m going to fit it in my day. It’s going to be a hard run. It’s going to be a fast run. But believe it or not, I am excited to be attempting to tackle it. I will give it my all and then some. So what exactly am I doing tomorrow?

1 mile warm up @ 11:00
2 mi @ 10:05-9:55 (+/- 5secs)
2 mi @ 9:55-45 (+/- 5 secs)
2 mi @ 9:40-30 (+/- 5 secs)
2 mi @ 9:10-20 (+/- 5 secs)
1 mile cool down @ 11:00

Doesn’t that sound fun?

I didn’t think so either, but it does sound like a challenge.

and

I do love a challenge.

If that isn’t enough,

It will be followed by hopefully 18 miles on Monday.

Yup, I’m in the thick of it now.

There is no time to step back because there are only 35 days left.

No time to back down.

No time to not give it all I’ve got.

The Accidentally Running Mama

Run, Bike, Swim and Have a Life!

Archives

Nothing to Prove; Nothing to Loose

Fake it Till You Feel it?

Time to Get Going

Let The Games Begin

Quiet Please

Come Back to Me……

You Want Me To Tell You What!?!

Under Pressure

Just Keep Running, Running, Running

Feeling Good, But Not Too Good!