Tag Archive | limits

A Slow Ember

Feb18

I used to feel that I must give 100% to everything. Maybe even 110%. Just give it everything. Give it my all. The Go Big or Go Home mentality.

But what if I just want to go home? Ok not anymore, but that’s what happened. You can’t just give everything in your life 100%, because eventually you have nothing left to give.

I love to bake and have a home baking business…

I began a new career path becoming a preschool teacher in September working full time…

I like to run…

I have a family…

I have a life….

All of these things are important. All of these things pull at me. All of these things in the moment require 100%, but they can not consume me.

The problem was that was trying to do it all like the other things didn’t exist. Life does not take place in a vacuum. I never gave myself a break. I went from on thing to the next. I felt like I was failing at all of it because you can’t give it all 100% and have anything left for yourself. Maybe some of you can, but I can’t. Add to that my Hypoparathyroidism and my tank is usually not full anyway.

Balance. I’ve said it before. I will say it again.

Period.

Period.

Knowing when to say no. Knowing when you are at your limit. Knowing that it is Ok to enjoy things just for the sake of enjoying them. Knowing you get clarity when you step back and say…

ENOUGH

I love (not always and I do complain) to run, but that always went to bottom of list. This meant that I was at the bottom of the list. Running gives me time to both turn my brain off and give me time to think. If you are a runner, you get that. Yet, that always went to the bottom.

I also realized that while all the things I do are important, so are limits. Limits on the amount of time and energy I put into them. No matter how you slice is there are only 24 hours in a day. So learning to say no is ok. Learning to know when your plate is filled and also learning to plan things out o not to be overwhelming.

I am still working on this but one thing I need to remember is that if I should not be the last on the list. I don’t need to take every baking order that comes my way if it will not fit in my schedule. While my job is extremely important, I do need to give myself a break when I leave. I need to make time to make sure that I can do the things that I want to do.

I’ve been running. I’ve been making time. I’ve run a few 5K’s. I’ve made time to run with friends. I’ve been training. Today’s training was 8 miles in the cold.

I loved it. Nothing clears my mind like a good run.

So here is to running, finding balance and taking a nap on a Sunday afternoon.

More to follow soon as with this new found desire to find balance and do things for me, I have a goal. I may even have several goals. Goals that will help me retain my balance:)

Going Soft

Aug17

I’ve already said that I’ve gone soft around the middle some more, but I also am starting to wonder if I’m just going soft overall.

As a runner or any athlete, the goal is always to push yourself.   Push yourself hard.   Push yourself past the pain.    What if I’ve gone soft in no longer being able to do that?    What if I’ve become afraid to push myself too far, so I don’t push far enough?   For any athlete, you must always ask yourself, “How much more do I have in me?”

Prior to not having a fully functioning parathyroid, there was no fear in pushing my body to it’s limits. It was perfectly healthy and there were no real consequences to doing so.  Only short term pain. Once hypopara, there are real consequences.  So now I find that even when I push myself I may not push myself to the limit because there will be consequences that were not on the table before.

This week I’ve gone out for two runs so far.   I’ve pushed myself out of my comfort zone some, but I’ve also been playing it safe.   I’m paying close attention to my body.    Both runs I used my version of the run/walk method as I don’t think that I would be able to do the run without it.    Both runs I thought to myself, “If I can’t even go this distance, how the Hell am I going to finish a marathon in just 2 months.”   In thinking that, I realized that prior to my surgery that would have never even crossed my mind that I couldn’t do it.

I also realized on these runs that once the breathing becomes heavy on my runs instead of pushing through, I back off some.    I’m trying to decide whether this is something that I need to do for my body or if my mind is playing tricks on me.    I can’t decide.   I also am wondering if I learn to keep the pace slow and steady if that would help me to run farther without walking.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with the walk/run method.   I know many people who use it.    I’ve even had some in my hypopara groups say that they wouldn’t be running without it.  I’m still just trying to find out where I am and what I should be doing.   I’m still trying to let go of old expectations.    Mostly, I’m still trying to figure out what my body needs to do it’s job without my mind playing tricks on me.

Running is mental.   We all know that.   In the back of my mind though, I worry that I’m going to push my body too far.   It is one of the reasons that I stick to main roads now.   I think, “well if something happens and I need help…..”    This is not really me and I don’t like the way this person thinks.

The trick is to test my limits without being an idiot.   Hmmmm.  Not sure how that works.

As always

I’m a work in progress

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Testing the Limits

Oct29

how-far

So today was a BIG day for me.    Today was a test.    A test that I passed. Barely.   It was hard as hell, but I completed the task at hand (or foot).   Today I ran for the VERY first time 20 miles. Did I hit “the wall?:   Maybe, but I kept on going.  I did it in 3:57:02 burning over 2000 calories which I think I may have consumed since I finished.

So why the test?

You may remember my post Can’t Always Get What You Want

Where I talk about how close I came to possibly being in this years NYC Marathon.

Obviously, I  didn’t get in, but it was there in the back of my mind.  Could I run a Marathon if I wanted.   Could I push myself?   I didn’t get the opportunity to find out, so I focused on the Hat Trick training which worked for me.   But in my mind,  the seed was planted.   I may do the NYC Marathon in the future, but I wanted to test my limits now.   I have friends that are  going to Philly to do the Gore-Tex Marathon in a few weeks. I’ve been toying with it, but haven’t made a decision.   I could even do a half.  I could call it a day and just wait till next race season.   I’ve pushed a lot this year.   A lot more than I ever thought that I would.  But I was curious if I could push myself for a long training run.   I wanted to see if I could do it.   Dawn had one today.   So I tagged along.   Why not?    Just a fun day with a friend.   But I told her I would do the 20 and she got me there.

Before today the most I’ve ever run in one day is a little more than 13 miles.  Training for the Hat Trick, I did have days where I would run 13 after running 5 & 8 in the preceding days.   I ran 22 total when I did the Hat Trick.   I needed to see if I could do the 20 though.

I never fully understood how heavy the legs would feel on a long run like this.   There were decent hills too and as the miles rose it felt like someone was adding weight to my legs.   Since I didn’t “need” this run for any other reason than to test myself, I probably (no probable here) would have stopped without my running buddy.   I would have hated myself later, but I still would have stopped. She needed it, but she also knew that mentally I needed it.   We plodded through this run with a good solid pace even up those big hills.  It was worth it, when we hit the 20 though.

What did I learn about pushing it to 20 today?

  1. Don’t do Crossfit with wall balls the day before.
  2. Don’t do a 6 mile hills  two days before
  3. I can do it.
  4. I am ready, I just need to decide if now is the time.

So as I ponder these things, I will finish my wine, eat my chocolate, and go to bed as I’m tired!

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What limits do you push?