It’s Serious Now

Closed

You know the sh*t is serious when they start cancelling races. Big races. Little races. All races. It usually takes an act of God for that to happen. We are apparently there now.

Not shocking but somewhat since it’s a month away my Birthday Half Marathon is cancelled. I am proud of these race organizers from NYRR to those organizing Boston Marathon for making these tough decisions. While I know people are disappointed, it’s really just running. It’s not life or death which is really what’s going on in the real world now.

Right now the real world is scary. You can’t even escape to Disney World anymore because that is closed (not that I was going). Go to a Broadway Show. The show is not going on, so nope. Can’t watch any sporting event (not that I would) because they are all cancelled. Can’t run a race because that’s cancelled too. You know what though….. None of that matters.

Seriously.

What matters in life is how you face disappointments. How you deal with the world when the world is spinning out of control like it is right now. And again, what is important is not just your health but the health of your loved ones friends, and neighbors.

For me, I’m still running. I’m still going to follow my training plan. I’m still preparing to run a half marathon that I won’t actually run, but I could. For me this race was going to be a fun birthday run, but it was also a way for me to get back to running. I don’t need to cross a finish line to do that. All I need is to go out the door and run.

So I will continue to do what I’ve been doing. I will get my runs in. I will follow the plan. I will do what I need to do for no other reason than that is what I want to do. Isn’t that the reason I was doing this in the first place. So even without crossing the finish line, it seems like I’ve already accomplished what I set out to do.

Find my joy in running again:)

So while the world is going crazy looking for toilet paper and hand sanitizer and everything is out of your control, remember that what is in your control is how you respond. When you realize that, you realize that none of the other stuff matters because what happens in life even on a good day is never in your control. So you just have to roll with it and make the best of it and if you can’t do that just accept it. Once you can do that everything else will fall into place.

Control

Great Expectations

Jan30

We all have expectations in life. Great expectations. We all have a vision of how we want our life to be. Expectations are good, but what happens when life doesn’t live up the vision of what we think it should be? This leads to disappoint and sand ness.

All those years ago, actually only 7, when I started on my fitness journey there was no expectations. I didn’t know what my body could do. I didn’t know what a good time for an event was. Hell, I really didn’t know anything….. Except that I wanted to do something. Because I was starting from zero, I put no expectations on myself. I jokingly said that my only goal with my first ever race, Iron Girl Sprint Tri, was not to die. To me that was enough of a goal and anything after that was a win.

There was no… I should hit this many miles. I should hit this pace. I should do this or that for training. I knew nothing, so I expected nothing.

When I ran my first ever half which I signed up for because I was running just to run with my MRTT (Mom’s Run This Town) Mama’s. I was running 8 miles and more just to run them. Then on one run one of the Mama’s, Janna, said, ” You should sign up for the Superhero Half. Your ready for it.”

So I did. I had no expectations. I just showed up for the car ride to the event. While in the car, the seasoned runners spoke of pacing, race strategy, fueling and such. When they asked me mine, I had none. My goal was to finish.

Thanks to Janna who took me under her wing, I finished in 2:09. She knew about pacing and she also knew that I could finish in under 2:10 and she got me there. I just ran when she made me run and had a fun time doing it.I further admit that I didn’t even know that 2:09 would be a good time for a half. To me it was just about running to run and having a good time.

Then something happened, I started putting expectations on my running. I also became ” a serious” runner. I learned of pacing, training strategy, and proper fueling and for a while I even had a kick ass coach. And while I still enjoyed running, it lacked the simplicity of when I first started. I put expectations on myself and I was able to live up to my expectations right up until I couldn’t which was right after my thyroid surgery left me with Hypoparthyroidism. And even after I came to terms with that, I still put expectations on myself. Expectations that I could no longer meet.

You know what? I’m done with expecations! I want to find the joy that I had when I first started running. I want to stop overthinking, overanalyzing, and just find the joy in allowing my body to do what it can do. No matter the pace. No matter the distance.

The thing that screws us up so much in life is not accepting what we have and being upset it’s not what we think it should be. Sometimes getting out of our own way is the best thing that you can do. Sometimes you have to make a conscience decision to let things go, to reassese, and just allow what is to be enough.

With this thought process, I had picked the Hal Higdon Novice 1 training plan for the NJ Half at Rutgers. No, I admit, I am not a novice runner; but I want to be. I want to run with no expectations. I have been so focused on doing what I thought I should do that I was missing out on what I could do. I am going back to seeing what my body can do. To discovering where I am today. And while I may have had this thought in the last 3 years I really have not embraced it in my running. I am now.

You know what?….. I’ve been enjoying my 2 training runs so far. I have just been running to run. No expectations. No watching the pace. Just letting my body decide. It’s been good. The runs have felt good. I have felt good and the bonus is that both runs had negative splits which will not be the expectation nor will it be.

So I will be happy to run where I am today. Not where I was 3 years ago. Not where I think I should be. Not where other people are. Not about pace. Not about anything, but enjoying where I am at this point and that will be enough.

Looking on the Bright Side

Jan28

Sorry I’ve been off the grid. January has been a month to say the least. The first full week of January my husband and I both came down with what we assume was the flu. Down and out for the count. This is where I was thankful that my kids are old enough and self sufficient enough (when need be) to take care of themselves. Then was getting back into the swing of my routine and catching back up.

In the spirit of catching up, I did manage to sign up for a Half Marathon in April on my actual birthday. I will be doing the NJ Half at Rutgers. It was either this one or the NYRR Shape, but since did that one years ago I thought maybe something different this time.

The deciding factor was time as it will be easier to get in and out of this one. Plus it’s not 2 loops of the hills in Central Park. I even got a friend to do it with me. Win. Win.

Then the month kept rolling along. Yesterday, I had the fun of getting a colonscopy. Have to say the prep worried me a little bit because I wasn’t sure how my calcium would be, but I took extra in prepping for the prep. I did get a little tingles during the second dose of my prep, but I added some calcium and was good to go. What surprised me is my calcium getting low last night well after the procedure. Tingles around lips. Tell tail Chvostek sign. Hypoparathyroidism is a strange beast. I took some extra calcium and thankfully bounced back by morning.

I will say all of these things did make for a great month as far as helping me with my weight loss goal. Not what I would recommend to jump start your diet, but 8 pounds is 8 pounds and I’m even more motivated because I’m 2 pounds away from a number I haven’t seen in a while. So I guess now I have to stick with the healthy eating thing!

And since I was feeling better today, I went out for my first half marathon training run. I decided to go back to the very beginning using the Hal Higdon Novice 1 training program. This program is designed for those who have never done a Half before, but since I’m going back to basics I thought this was a great way to start. Besides I haven’t done much since NYCM and the Half is in 12 weeks, so I think this is just where I need to be.

I’ve decided I’m going back to the very beginning. Like I did all those years ago when I first hit the pavement, I am claiming this once again as the year of me. This means that I will be focusing on taking time for myself, getting myself in shape, and just enjoying seeing what I can do. I surprised myself all those years ago and I think I just might do it again. Who knows! I surprised myself on todays run which I allowed myself to walk when I needed. I ended up with very pretty negative splits and was happy with myself. What more can a runner ask for?

How are you doing on your goals?

What to Wear? What to Wear?

Mar20

As a runner, we tend to become obsessive as race day approaches.

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Checking the weather

Deciding on race attire

Checking the weather again

Changing what we plan to wear again.

It’s one of the reasons I like to make my flat runner the night before a race too because then I can see how it all comes together and make any final changes. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that thought too.

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As an added bonus it makes a nice picture

For many races, you just never know what the weather will bring and you just never know if you’ve dressed appropriately until race day. The NY Half was no different. When I signed up, I imagined a traditional Spring race where the weather might be a little brisk in the early morning, but very comfy when the race was finished. This year was a little different.

It may be mid March on the calendar, but someone forgot to tell mother Nature as she is holding to winter. That being said, part of deciding what to wear is knowing your body and how you need to dress. Every runner is different. I have 2 friends that I run with when I can. Between the three of us, we are dressed for three separate seasons. One is always dressed for the coldest possible temperature. One is dressed what is probably considered appropriate for the temps. Then there is me…. Usually dressed in shorts with long socks unless it’s mid winter. That’s because I know how I run.

I run HOT.

You could say that I’m one hot Mama.

You could say it, but it just doesn’t sound right,

but it is.

Here is the thing though even though I know this about myself, I was doubting what to wear to the race. I kept thinking that I should wear long sleeved shirt instead of arm sleeves and maybe I should wear Capri’s instead of shorts. The problem is that I run in knee length compression socks, so Capri’s turn into full length pants. Now the reason I was doubting myself is because I was listening to what everyone else was planning to wear, but they were dressing for their race not mine.

Race night came and I had a final consult with Dawn on my wardrobe. She reminded me of my vest and I added that into the mix which I’m glad that I did.

I was prepared for the early morning pre race chill. I had throwaway sweatpants and robe which I wore to the start. Once I removed them in the corral, I’ll be honest I was cold, but quickly warmed up once the race started. Even removing my throw away shirt by mile 2 which I ended up just tying around my waste.

In looking at my race photos, you can see that not many people chose the same way as me. Not sure why because I was comfy while racing. I kept moving my arm sleeves up and down. Gloves off and on. I honestly believe that if I had added layers or longer pants my run would not have been so good. I was just right (for me).

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I dressed not to impress but to keep from overheating. Believe it or not even dressed like this, I was sweating. I will admit that the back of my upper arms were feeling the chill from the wind burning some with cold. I think if I were to run another cold day like this, I might choose different arm warmers.

One thing that I would do differently though is check a bag. I didn’t really think it through and didn’t realize bag check was right there when you came out. After the race I was meeting up with everyone at a Starbucks. We did have a car that was parked in the city the previous day to drive home in that I put extra warm clothes in for after the race. The only problem with that bag is I exited the Park at 61rst street I believe and I needed to go to 81rst street. Walking that far after a Half isn’t bad. Walking that far while your dressed for summer with only a heat sheet isn’t good. Thank God when someone was getting ready to throw away their head sheet, I asked them if I could have it. I used that as a skirt. I’m thinking without that second heat sheet, I would have been in trouble as I was shivering some.

All was good though when I entered the warm of Starbucks and got a hot latte to warm me up. Plus by that point, I knew that my bag was not far away. The driver of the van was nice enough to bring the bags to Starbucks, so from that point on all was good.

In the past, I have dressed for the weather at the start. I found it is so much better to be cold at the start and even finish, but be comfy on my run.

Today was that day:)

Do you run hot or cold?

Behind the Curtain

Mar19

I said that I wanted to go int the NY Half fully trained and I really feel that I accomplished this goal. I went into this race knowing that I would make it to the finish line. I went into this race confident and prepared. That doesn’t always happen, so when it does it’s a beautiful thing. So how did I do that?

First and most important I was a realist who put in the miles, but I did it my way. I had a guide that I used more for the mileage and not the actual workouts. I didn’t do any fartleks, cut-downs, or focus on pace really at all. This race wasn’t about speed at all. This day was about having a good race.

I admit that when you are at the starting line in a corral based on previous times which put me in the first wave, it was hard to hold back. It’s hard not to feel like you should be running faster. Part of the reason that it is hard is because of the excitement, but part of it is also because everyone else is moving and your moving with them. At this point, it important to remember that each person is running their own race. It is important to remember that it doesn’t matter if they pass you either.

During the race, I was thinking a funny thing…….

Most of us are just your average runner. Most of us no matter how hard we train will never get to the front of the Pack. It’s not for lack of pushing ourselves, but lets be honest training can only take you as far as it can take you. If I had unlimited resources and hired a dietician, training coach, and followed their plan to a T that will still not make me as fast Shalane Flanagan. That just is not who I am.

So on my run, I was reminding myself of who I am and what I want out of my running. The biggest thing is I want to run. I need to run. It is good for me not just physically but mentally. Then as I was trying to run a smart race, I did wonder why so many of us are so tied into the numbers of our run. I know that I am, but I am trying to be better. Based on my heart rate yesterday, I was in the training zone 5 out of 5 for the day. My heart rate averaged 156 for the race and at one point (although this doesn’t seem right) it showed maximum of 198 which would also indicate when I overlay pace it shows that I started walking.

For me, I was pushing it. That being said, I also did walk. I have had races where I had a timed goal. Some I reached. Some I didn’t. Overall, if you ask me what my times were at any given race there are only a few that I could tell you exactly (not counting seconds and I know we count seconds). But if you asked me to tell you about some of my races, I could probably tell you who I went with and some of our adventures on it. Those are the moments I cherish. Those are the memories that mean the most.

I’ve always said goals are good and I do believe that they are. That being said, I’m to the point where my goals are changing. I’m not as concerned with a PR, but in how I ran that day. Did I push my limits? Did I do my best? Most of all did I have fun doing it?

I’ve been thinking a lot about that last question. I know that it would take an act of God for me to ever PR again. This is not to say that I am discounting it, but I’m trying to be more realistic. Again…. not getting any younger. My body is not the same. My mindset is also not the same.

For me, it is no longer about the numbers. For me it is about pushing my limits while at that same time being smart. Now this is in no way saying that people shouldn’t be chasing time goals. I would bet that if I hadn’t had my surgery that I would still be chasing time. But as I said in my post Perspective, things changed for me.

My goal is to set myself up to be running not just a particular race but a year from now. Two years from now. I want to be a cool grandma runner (which I have YEARS AND YEARS to go before getting there).

In order to make that happen, my goals will be my goals. To run my own race, my own way. It may not be the way everyone would want to run it and I may over time get to a point where I reassess these goals. For now though, this is where I am which is a good place.

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Crossing the finish line with a smile is my new goal:)

and being to get out of bed the next day is a bonus!

Today Was The Day

Mar18

Today was the day.

Was it everything I expected?

No.

It was more!!!

As always, I will have a lot to say. So this might take a few days. Today we will talk the basics. As I mentioned we were leaving at the crack of the crack of Dawn at 5:00 AM. This meant getting up at 4:00 as you must have time for a cup of coffee, to get ready, and lets be honest time for coffee to work it’s magic. (Yes, that is important to us runners).

I was lucky enough to be part of my running groups Clown Car again. There were, I believe, 14 of us. It’s nice when you get a group like this because then it is not expensive at all. Plus the driver will take a group picture.

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As my friend asked is this a group of homeless people or just people trying to stay warm in the cold before a race?

The van dropped us off close to the start where we were able to make a pit stop at a fast food restaurant. Once we got to the start everyone went their own separate ways as we were starting in different corrals and waves. Luckily, Mary, was in my corral again. We were lucky enough to start the NYC Marathon in 2016 and it was nice to have her to chat with pre-race. Once the race started though, I was on my own. I kind of like that (usually) in a race.

Going in I had decided on a very conservative pace to start with. I was bouncing between 11 and 11:15. I think I picked that because I knew that I would go out too fast and if I picked a slower pace than even out to fast wouldn’t be too fast. My paces reflect up and down which is fine for the way I intended to run the race. I walked when I needed to but I still would not say that I took it easy. I also pushed. I ran a hard race. I worked hard and I finished with my realistic A time goal.

Official time was 2:31:29

It was a good day. My Garmin showed more than the 13.1 but that might be do to too much bobbing and weaving. My paces were up and down with the course and my plan.

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This worked for me. It might not be what a coach would recommenced, but for this day this was perfect. In looking at the faster paces at mile 8 & 9 that might explain my feet starting to hurt at that point.

My mantra was “This is your race. You need to run it your way.”

And I did.

The best part was I enjoyed myself. I helped someone bob and weave to cross the street. I took pictures along the way. I just enjoyed the experience and before I knew it, I was pulling into Central Park. I will admit the hills of the Park were not that enjoyable, but crossing the finish line in the Park was awesome!

More tomorrow, because to be honest I’m really tired.

What did you do today?

7 Days

Mar11

This time next week I will more than likely be in the middle of or finishing up a nap with any luck. In 7 days I am off to run the NY Half Marathon. Last time I ran this event not only was I chasing but captured the elusive sub 2 Half Marathon. I ran an average pace of 9:05 finishing just under the wire at 1:58:59. I literally had a minute to spare.

It was a great day. I say this not just because of the sub 2, but overall it was amazing. No lie…https://accidentallyrunningmama.com/2016/03/22/the-good-the-bad-and-the-awesome/

This time many things will be the same and many will be different.

The early than crack of dawn early time is still true. Unfortunately many that I ran this race with last time will not be there this time, but I’m still going in with friends. We have decided to take a van into the city that will drop us off at the start line. After the race, some are meeting their families, some are finding their own way home, and some of us will meet up to travel home together. There is something special after a race sharing it with friends. I’ve gone to many races by myself and afterwards it is not the same alone. Your family only wants to hear so much about your running and I mean so much.

Now this year the course has changed, but it will still run through Times Square. I’ll be honest I am not familiar enough with the city to know where this course will take me. Good thing I’ll be in the middle of the pack, so I don’t need to know the way. Ha! I do know that this course might be a little hillier than previous one, but it is what it is.

Last time I went into this race trained for speed and ready to face the day. I knew it would be tough hitting the sub 2, but I knew that I had it in me. This time around, I know that I will make it to the finish line but I need to be smart about it. This time, I am trained to finish when I finish. There is no goal time. I am going into enjoy the ride, see the city, and cross the finish line.

One thing that I am trying to figure out is what pace I will be running. I plan on being conservative and I have really not trained for a specific time. I know New York crowds can carry you away and that is what I am most afraid of. Starting a race, any race, it is so easy to run out too fast. Starting a race in New York City with NYC crowds it is almost impossible not to be swept up in the excitement. This is why I must come up with a plan. I need to have paces to follow. Paces that my training shows that I can maintain. Paces that will get me to the finish line with a smile.

That will be my goal this week. To come up with a plan and follow it!

Do you follow a race plan?

plan

I’m Ready

Jan17

I’ve been having a rough go of it lately. I’ve been stuck. Afraid to move forward. Afraid of not being enough. Afraid of things out of my control. Afraid of failure, but who defines success and failure?

I’ve been stuck wandering in the fog for so long that I thought I would never see clearly again and even though I knew my vision was impaired I clung to it. It is only after you come out of the fog that you can look at things with open eyes. I’m ready now. After one false start after another, I am truly ready now. I can feel the difference.

I am looking at things clearer than I have in a while. I do not have 20/20 yet, but really does anyone? We all carry so much baggage that colors our world. The trick is knowing what to hold onto and what to let go. What really sucks is when you pack for summer only to find out that you are stuck in winter. It is a work in progress, but I feel like I’m getting there in many aspects of my life.

As for my running….. I can finally say that I am coming to terms that things will be different. Things will be harder. My body will need more recovery time and be more sore than it had in the past. I will wake up and my my body will ache. Things will not feel the same.

BUT…..

Many things will remain the same.

I will still get peace of mind and clarity when running.

I will still feel the accomplishment of finishing a run.

I still will bond with friends while running.

I will still cross finish lines and most of all I will still run for me.

With this acceptance, I am finally able to let go of the ego that I spoke of. I thought I was holding onto something, but really I was keeping myself from moving forward. I am tired of standing still and am ready to move on from the past. One of the reasons that I couldn’t commit to training was because somehow I felt less because I would pick a plan that the pre-hypopara me could have easily kept to, but the me of today can not. Maybe there will be a day, but that day is not today.

I’ve been thinking of the NYC Half a lot. NYRR always puts on great events, but these big events are spectacular. The crowds. The running on closed NYC streets. It is an amazing feeling to run through Times Square like this race does. As I said before, I want to enjoy it. I want to be ready for it. I want to embrace where I am today. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Not next year. Today.

So with this thought process, I picked a training plans for Training Peaks for a half marathon with a 2:30 finish time. Now, I will be honest…. I am not sure that I can do a 2:30 finish. It might be just a hair out of where I am, but it might not. It is also much more realistic that 2:15. Besides you will never know what you can do if you don’t push a little more than you think that you can do. So I will push, but I will push wisely.

It is time to face this with open eyes, laced up shoes, and the knowledge that as long as I am doing the best that I can that there is no failure. Failure is not trying.

life-quotes_8702-0

It’s Time to Get Serious

Jan12

Without goals it is hard to know which direction to take. You wonder aimlessly without a purpose. It is time that I stop wondering and start seriously thinking about where I want to go in 2018. It is time to set some realistic goals. It is time to start pushing myself again. It is time to get serious.

Yes, I’ve had a lot going on and I’m still working some things out. Yes, things are different but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have hopes, dreams, and goals. It is time to get out of my own way, step out of my comfort zone and start pushing myself again. I won’t know how far I can go by sitting on the sidelines.

It’s time to get real…..

NYC Half Marathon March 18

Last time I ran it, I squeaked in just under 2 hours. It was my goal and I pushed myself to do it. Hard training. Fast paces. Lots of sweat. I even took a few selfies while doing it.

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This time around with the way things are this will not be my goal. That doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t have a goal. I’m once again throwing down the gauntlet….. Ready…..

I want to go into this race fully trained. Run it to the best of my current ability. Not compare it to where I was in the past. Push myself. Finish it. And most of all enjoy the experience.

This seems like a fantastic goal which means that I have to start training and actually train. This is not a race not to enjoy.

I am not even going to entertain a timed goal right now. What I am going to do is train. Train. And Train some more. I’ve recently been running but nothing more than I think 6 miles in the last month. I’m going to figure out a training schedule and stick to it.

Simple enough, Right?

My head is finally clearing. I know it wont’ be easy. I know there will be days that I don’t want to do it. I know there will be frustration, sore muscles, and everything in between but I want this. I really, really want this.

So for today, I’m throwing it all out there.

I am a runner. I can do hard things. Life is not easy and anything worthwhile requires you to work for it.

start-where-you-are-use-what-you-have

The Accidentally Running Mama

Run, Bike, Swim and Have a Life!

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