Archives

Bringing My A Game

Mar19

When I worked with a running coach a few years ago, she always had me come up with 3 goals prior to an event.

A Goal – A goal within reach, but one that you need to work for

B Goal – A doable goal

C Goal – What is the minimum that you will be happy with.

So for the NYC Half, I kept these goals to myself. I knew going into my training that I really would like to run the half in under 3 hours. While training, I did not train for this goal so much as realize that this was within reach if I pushed just enough. I mostly trained by feel and heart rate. I made sure to do my training runs at a push and my long runs slower than I felt I could push. I always wanted to finish a training run like I could do more if needed. I usually did too.

One thing that I was very conscious of during my training is that I did not want to add extra calcium. What I tried to do was to time my daily calcium in a way to incorporate into my runs.

It has taken me some time since my surgery to get to this point, but I finally finally finally came to the mindset of………. I want to run, but I need to run smart. All the time. I can not push the pace to the point where I need to add more calcium. While it temporarily will feel right, long term it is not for me.

Since my surgery, I have been fighting high urine calcium levels. At it’s highest it was 578. (For those not Hypopara and unfamiliar anything over 250 is high. For Hypopara, your doctors try to keep it in around 300)……. Now it was at the highest, when I was taking .5 calcitriol twice a day with calcium through out the day. I also took extra calcium to run runs the way that pushed my body. My levels have come down, but even with being careful they are steadily going back up. I am currently at levels over 350.

So what does this mean…… basically these higher levels are hard on my kidney’s. I am lucky that currently I have had no kidney issues; BUT I say this as my kidney functions have moderate loss of function. Not enough that I would notice, but until a PTH (Parathyroid Hormone that regulates calcium & phosphate in body) I will need to continue to take medication to regulate. These help me function like a normal person but also are hard on the kidneys. I am not willing to push my kidneys to the limit to run a pace that matters to no one.

Seriously, who cares about my pace?

For a while after my surgery, I did. I wanted to maintain where I was prior to surgery. I wanted to pretend that the surgery and Hypopara didn’t change me, but the truth of the matter it did. It was also about pride. I wanted to run the paces that I could. No lie, I did enjoy pushing myself. Running a Sub 2 half (prior to surgery). Running 9 minute paces. Being a front of the middle runner.

Guess what?

I am no longer a mid pack runner. I am a back of the pack runner. I am starting in the last wave and in some cases the last corral.

Here is what I’ve come to realize though……

I am starting. I am running…… I am still me. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride. Put it aside and know that it only matters to you. When I was able to put pride aside, I was able to train where I am and not where I wanted to be. I was able to train smart. To listen to my body. To run smarter and not harder. By doing that, I was able to actually do what I wanted to do.

I put pride aside. I made a realistic goal. If I hadn’t made it, I would have been ok. But the fact that I made it shows that I am doing what I need to do. Most of all, I did it by working smarter and not harder.

So what does this mean….

This means more running in my future. I even signed up for a fall race. One that I did previously. The Hat Trick. A 5k & 10K on a Saturday followed by a half on Sunday.

Crazy?

Yes.

Exciting?

You bet…. Can’t wait.

Stay tuned because believe it or not, there is more to talk about regarding the NYC Half. Although this is enough for today.

Fear of Failure

Mar18

Fear of failure is motivating.

Fear of failure is debilitating.

Fear of failure can push us to hard or not hard enough.

It can make us stand still or push us forward.

The question though is who defines your failures?

Is trying and not succeeding failure or is not trying at all the failure?

It can also make you spread yourself too thin as I mentioned the other day.

But what if fear of failure has more to do more with fear of not. Being perfect.

You know the whole getting in shape befor eyou start going to the gym.

Worrying that you won’t hit a specific pace. That you aren’t what you think you should be.

Fear of failure can keep you from updating your blog because what if you put it out there and you swing and miss.

So yesterday I ran the NYC United Half Marathon. I went inot it fairly trained. I followed my training plan. I didn’t follow it by pace, but by heart rate, feel and distance. I put the miles in. I did what I needed to do to feel like I could “comfortable” run the distance.

I had a thought of what I wanted to run. My A goal was it be under 3 hours. Based on my paces from training, I felt that if I ran a smart race that it was an achievable goal. My B goal was 3:30. If the wheels fell off, just finishing.

I did it…….

I brought my A game.

There is more to this story which I will tell tomorrow.

For now though, I am happy to know that I didn’t let fear stop me from doing what I set out to do. I did it smartly. I did it with hard work. Most of all, I did it with a smile.

Control

Feb3

Sometimes your up.

Sometimes your down.

The trick is not to get stuck when your down. Easier said then done. 

Sometimes you get stuck through no fault of your own. Sometimes you can’t control what is happening.  Happening to those around you.  Happening to your body.  Happening in your life.

Get a health diagnosis…. Out of your control

Loose your job…… Out of your control

Things people do in your circle…… Out of your control

It is a fallacy to say that we control our own destiny.  Yes, I know there are those who would disagree. Yes, there are many things we control but the biggest thing is truly the way we react to all that life throws at you. The truth is sometimes we handle it well. Sometimes we don’t handle it at all and ignore and sometimes we just hold on and scream. Probably why life is often referred to as a roller coaster…. Or is that just me?

Anywho…. What does this have to do with my training?  Not sure, but I do feel that I’m in agood space controlling all that life has been sending my way.

Trying to find my balance with working full time while still working my home baking business and my household. 

Trying to find my balance with healthy eating and finding time for training without bringing myself to brink of exhaustion. 

So far so good. I have 6 weeks to the NYC Half. While I have not been following my training plan exactly, I have been following. I am getting the miles in.  I have been doing the cross training. I feel like this will be a good event. I have been going back and forth between following a walk/run plan to just going by feel. I know I will walk during the event. I just am still deciding if it will b part of the actual race day running plan or just a go with the flow thing. I have 6 weeks to figure it out. The most important thing is to get the miles in especially the long runs.

I am (so far) feeling confident in my training. Feeling like I am doing what I should be doing and that I will go into this event prepared to finish.

I am doing what is in my control and we will see how this all plays out:)

Day 1

Dec26

There is something to be said about waiting until you are ready to do something to actually start. There was no dread today. There was no, “I’ve go to go out for a run today,” said with dread.

None of it.

Today was a “I am going to go out for my run as soon as I’m done with my coffee” kind of day.

I can tell it has been a hot minute since I’ve seriously run as I couldn’t find my Garmin. Still can’t. Still looking, but I also didn’t let that deter me or stop me from getting out the door.

I was excited. It was a perfect day for running. The not too hot. Not too cold kind of day. No jacket required. At least for me as I always run hot.

My NYC Half training plan stated with a 3 mile run and that’s what I did. I didn’t watch pace, but did keep it as a conversational pace which I 100% did as I was on the phone the whole time! I walked when I got out of breath, but for the most part stayed at a stead pace.

Not too shabby if I do say so myself!

In all seriousness….. Not too shabby. I have not been doing anything unless you count testing and eating Christmas cookies. I’ve done a few walks, but have not run since I really don’t know when. Hopefully this is the beginning of a good training cycle.

I’ve got a plan loaded into Training Peaks. I am doing the Hal Higdon Novice 1, because let’s face it…..I am starting from scratch.

One day at a time…. One run at a time…. One workout at a time.

This is what it feels like to have fire again:)

This is what it is like to remember to show up for yourself.

Here is hoping the fire continue to burn!

Just Doing My Thing

Apr14

As seems to be my MO, I ran another race I was not trained for this past weekend. This time when I say that I wasn’t trained, I mean I really wasn’t trained! Training was lagging, but I was on track somewhat especially as I had just come off NYC Half. I had put in some miles with the longest being 8. I was feeling good, but then I was sidelined by the cold everyone seemed to get after remerging from out masks. This was a cold that would not quit and then turned into a lovely sinus infection. So for the 3 weeks before the Shape Half Marathon I did nothing. Like seriously N O T H I N G. Unless you count blowing nose constantly and sleeping something which I don’t think counts.

I had thought about backing out, but not seriously. I knew that I would finish but I would have to just take it as it came. Although if I had remembered how hilly 2 loops of Central Park were and how Harlem Hill sucks so bad, I might have given it more thought. I had no plan. I had no pace. I just went with the flow. I was lucky to even show up. As a side not right before I left my home, I threw up. It was a combo of taking my antibiotic with coffee followed by brushing teeth. It didn’t set well.

The flow was wobbly. I ran the first 10 with the same woman that I ran the first half of the NYC Marathon. Since I didn’t have a plan and we are similiarly paced, I went with hers. She was run walking with a 5 to 1 ratio. It wasn’t pretty but it worked. the last 3 miles we went our own way which meant that she ran/walked and I pretty much walked. Central Park is a hard run when not trained…. ok any course is hard not trained, but the hills of central Park are no joke. My quads were not laughing but I was…..

This is what its about…. Not the pace…. Not the medal….. not even the finish….. the friendships:)

The day was filled with lots of fun, laughs, and a lovely brunch. I am so glad that I showed up. Sometimes that is all you have to do is show up. To know that what ever will be will be and just enjoy the process and the outcome. It is easier said that done. Will also say that I was surprised at the outcome because I finished in under 3 hours which I was not expecting. 2:55.

More to come……

Pulled this one Out of Nowhere

Mar20

So today, I ran the NYC Half. You wouldn’t know about that because I’ve been a little absentee with both updating my blog and my training. My goal is to try and do better with both.

As far as training goes, I followed no plan. I didn’t run nearly as much as I should have especially if I had followed a plan which fell through the cracks. In February, I did mostly 3 mile runs and this month, mostly 2. Then I did one 8 mile run and one 10. I would like to say that I was offsetting that non running with cross training, but that would be a lie. So the race was going to be what the race was going to be.

Got to say, for lack of training, not having a plan, and just overall preparation; I really pulled this out of nowhere.

100% I should not have had the race I had today, but I had a great race. So I will take it. I won’t knock it. I won’t question it with the exception of questioning what I might be able to accomplish if I actually trained:) My goal today was to run a smart race and I feel that I did.

For my Hypopara friends, running a smart race meant making sure that I paid attention and added my calcium BEFORE I would need it which I knew from last years marathon training. I also adjusted my doses today. Normally I take .25 Calcitriol in morning with my pills. This morning I took .50 with my normal calcium amount. Then on the course around mile 5.5, I added 1,000 mg of calcium and 25 mcg of Vitamin D. It add them to my water, so it forces me to continue to hydrate. Post race, I took another of my normal dose of Calcitriol and calcium. Overall, this made for a good day. I am lucky that I had last years marathon training to fall back on to know what I would need when. So I don’t necessarily recommend doing this without training for this reason alone.

As far everything else goes, I feel like everything fell into place. The weather was perfect. Picture perfect. Great day to run. Blue skies. Slight breezes. Sunny and in the low 60’s. I could have done with 5 degree lower but that would just be greedy to ask for that. Therefore, I will go with picture perfect.

My goal was to run a smart pace which meant watching the pace and keeping it in check. I walked when I wanted which most definitely was the bridges and maybe a little more than I should have, but again I was watching average pace as well as running pace. I knew from my whopping two long runs, that if I kept the pace in check I would feel good and would be able to get to the finish feeling comfortable. So that’s what I did. Once I got to mile 11, I pushed a little harder which made me need to walk but by mile 12 I knew I was pushing when I got a stitch in my side. Well it’s not a race if you don’t push:) My average pace according to my Garmin was 12:34 which really is the sweet spot for me right now. That being said I did push enough that my best pace was 8:36. So there’s that:) Overall my I was running in zone 4 for most of the race which is just where I should be. I was at Zone 5 for the finish which is also where I should be for the finish.

Today was a great day for running. It makes me want to be better training for the Queens 10K to see what I can do and how far I can push (smartly…. always smartly)

5 Years, 2 Races…. Different but Same Goal…

Mar21

5 years ago I trained for NYC Half to finish a sub 2 half. I trained hard. I ran hard. I had a great time doing it too because this is what I wanted. I smiled along the course. I took some great photos including selfies. I can still remember towards the end knowing it would be close and turning the corner to head towards the finish line and running as hard as I could to make it across the finish line in just the nick of time…… 1:58:59 A minute to spare!

It was a great day and I am both happy with the way I trained, how hard I pushed, and, obviously, how I finished. I did what I set out to do that day.

Fast forward 5 years…….

I trained for to run a virtual NYC half in my neighborhood. I trained hard but a different hard. Hard is relative. And while this race could not have been anymore different than an in person event, I still was happy with the outcome. Going into my training, I wasn’t sure how I would run the “race.” It is hard to step up to go out and run a race when there is no start line. No horn to go off. No excitement that comes with a race day. In beginning of training, I had envisioned actually racing. There are some that can do a virtual like a in person event as far as pushing themselves. Me, not so much. Feels like just another training run and as training progressed for the half, I thought well I will just do the best that I can and that is just what I did.

So yesterday, I headed out. I started my watch and off I went. Then I turned the corner and saw a mom friend. After chatting with her a bit, I thought let me start again since I was only at .10 and thats what I did. Then before I made it another .10 my Junior in college Face-timed me. So I answered! Good thing because he was calling to ask for help as he felt like he got something in his eye when he was washing his face. After talking a bit, it was decided that he needed to go get it looked at. While talking to him, I walked which ended up being almost my first mile. With him off to go get his eye looked at, it was time to run.

So I ran.

By mile 7, my feet were hurting. I decided that might need to both get some new shoes even trying a different brand and maybe go see my podiatrist again. The discomfort is different that when I dealt with Plantar Fasciitis as the discomfort (pain) is in the ball of the foot under big toe (yeah thats a good vision). Anyway, I did stop (not stopping watch) and massaged my foot. Off I went. I did a mix of walking and running.

Then my newly returned Freshman college student called asking me to use app to order Chipolte as he couldn’t sign in. So I did. I helped that I also made sure to order myself something to eat when I got home. So I walked, ordered, and texted him the order info for him to pick up.

Kept on moving with my mix of walking and running.

Then 2:00 comes and I am still out since I got a later start than I wanted. Simply because I was sitting on the couch and couldn’t motivate myself to leave. Anyway, I didn’t want to miss my Great Nephews first birthday zoom party to sing Happy Birthday. So I walked, logged on, and sang Happy Birthday on the sidewalk. I had like 5 miles to go at this point.

I kept moving. My foot was annoying. I didn’t stop. I kept up my mixture of walking and running. Besides the NYC Half, I also have desire to hit this goal for my Miles for Meaning Running for Dylan Fundraising Team. For the month of March, I am part of a team where each mile earns points where charities can win money. https://www.dylanswingsofchange.org/ is an organization founded my father of Dylan whose life was taken at Sandy Hook Elementary shooting.

Then I hit the last mile and my oldest son is trying to Face-Time me again. I, of course, answer it. I won’t lie the thought of having a good reason to walk didn’t hurt either. Kind of nice that I started and ended my “race” with him too. He proceeds to tell me that he scratched his cornea. Fun…… not really. I did that about 18 years ago and it sucks. He will be ok and just has to put cream on his eye (oh my!). He was wearing a patch as the light was bothering his eye and it hurt to have eye open.

5 years later, I can once again say that I had a great time doing what I was doing. Races could not have been any more different and I appreciate them for their differences. Yesterday was about doing what I set out to do. As a friend texted me when I was finished, “done is done. You are determined once you commit.”

I will say that today I am feeling good. I am tired but I’m always tired. I am planning to do some yoga later and take dog for a walk. Then I’ll call it a day.

So how was your weekend?

Keeping Streak Alive

Feb20

My NYCM Virtual Medal from last year. Without cheering crowds, physical start of finish line or any of the normal things a marathon bring back in October I completed 26.2 miles walking. Yes, walking… walking and more walking. It was long. It was peaceful. It was grueling leaving me with more blisters than I ever got running a marathon. Most of all it was satisfying knowing that I accomplished what I set my mind to. Although I am not sure I will ever intentionally walk a full marathon again, this medal will be a reminder to keep moving forward even when you dont feel like it.

I realized something now too. I have now completed 8 Marathons. 2016 I actually ran 2. NYC and a trail race. So this led me to realize that I have now completed 4 marathons post hypopara and 4 hypopara. So the next one will obviously mean that I will have completed more post hypopara. Yes, that does mean that I am thinking of doing a marathon this year. Hopefully it won’t be virtual, but who knows.

I have seem some events be held, but these do seem to be trails. I have also seen some events open registration for fall events. I honestly am not sure if I would feel comfortable doing a big or even smaller in person event even if I get vaccinated. I say if because even though I am eligible as a child care provider, there seems to be no appointments to be had. I have happily watched friends in the healthcare field post their “I’m vaccinated” photos but now I’ve heard of people jumping the line who have gotten vaccine that annoy me. People without health conditions that do not need to leave their home for work. I’m actually not sure why they were proud of themselves, but they thought nothing of jumping the line. I admit, I will judge them for doing so.

Anywho…… I am happy to see vaccines rolling out. My Mother and some family members eligible have gotten theirs as well. I watch numbers of vaccines administered and I know they are doing amazing numbers and my turn will come soon enough. I’m just anxious as is everyone else in the world. I know once vaccinated, you must still be cautious but I guess it would give a small sigh of relief. I can’t wait to know what that feeling that is and I know it’s just around the corner.

All that being said, I do think it is going to take a long time for things to return to normal. We certainly didn’t even think we would be approaching a year of this. Remember the innocent days of almost LAST YEAR when we entered a strict lockdown. We all thought that we would just be doing it a few weeks and we would flatten the curve. Silly us. Although it and we did make a difference. There was only so much that we could do. I mean much more was asked of previous generations. We were simply asked to wear a mask and stay home.

So as things open up and return to normal, we will all have different levels of comfort. We might even get some anxiety with things that used to be normal and enjoyable. I can’t imagine going to an event with 50,000 runners with 3 waves. It just would make me hyperventilate. Then thinking about random high fives, taking food from strangers, and all the fun things that happen along the way. It just seems like too much………. for now. We will get there again, but I do wonder how big events like this will be done this year. I believe by November, events like this will be able to happen. I just think there will be changes and maybe this first year it is not the huge even we all know and love. I guess we will wait and see.

I do know that I want to complete a marathon. I realize that I think it would be cool to be able to continue to say that I’ve run a marathon every year for 10 years. So that means I’ve got a few years to go. Some people streak a mile a day. That is too much for me and really don’t have that level of dedication. I like the thought for a marathon streak as I think it’s easier. (Ha! – truth).

Anywho, I have not thought for what I will do or where but it does ramble in the back of my mind as so many other thoughts do, Right now though, I am focused on continue with my Half Marathon training which is going well. This is my only goal. I also know that by completing this goal, I will be in the right position to start formulating and planning a fall marathon.

One mile at a time.

One goal at a time.

What are you working towards?

Living in Reality

Jan27

Often in life we hold on when we should let go. We dig in deep instead of walking away. We hold on too tight for fear of loosing something when we know it’s time to loosen our grip. It’s hard. Our instinct is to tighten our grip because while it is hard to hold on, letting go is even harder.

We see this with so many parts of our lives and the lives of people we know. Everything in society and media reinforces this –

Don’t Give Up

Hold on Tight

The Only Thing Holding You Back is Yourself

Push Yourself to the Limit

Yes, sometimes this is true. Sometimes we do need to hold on tight, not give up, and push ourselves to the limit. There are also times that this does not work for us and actually does us a great disservice. The trick is to know when that is the right advice and when it is time to call it a day, let it go.

I’ve talked about letting go in the past. Sometimes we let go only to grab back on and don’t even realize it. It’s a long and tedious process. Holding on tighter and thinking we are doing what needs to be doing.

I’ve been finding that starting over with no expectations has been both surprising and good. It’s actually much harder than you think because we all have expectations. Sometimes in order to find yourself, you need to let go of all that is holding you back. All the expectations that are actually hold you back and don’t let you move forward.

As mentioned before, I recently started training for my virtual NYC Half. I was looking forward to actually training and have been going by heart rate and not pace. It has been freeing to not watch my pace. It’s been harder than I thought to try to not push to run faster. Although do not confuse this with thinking that these are not hard runs. To not feel like I am failing because I am trying to maintain something that for now I have no business trying to maintain. It has taken away disappointments of not hitting paces, not maintaining paces, or dealing with the effects of doing so. Effects from my Hypoparathyroidism like muscle spasms, muscles cramping, and recovery that more than your average recovery.

Last time I was training for NYC Marathon, I was training to run a sub 2 half which I ended up doing. I still remember pushing during the race. I remember feeling confident in my training. I vividly remember the last push to the finish line and so much about the day. That was where I was then. I recently found a slip of paper with paces that I used for a training run and it struck me how different my running is now. How much has changed in such a short time and how long it has taken me to realize different isn’t bad, just different.

I also know that there are so many that have Hypoparathyroidism that would love to run the paces that I am running. That would love to be healthy enough to even run let alone train for a Half Marathon. No I am not where I used to be, but I am still able to do so much and should appreciate it for what it is not what it used to be….. not what I want it to be…… not for what I think it should be…… for what it is.

When you take pace off the table and just listen to your body, you might actually surprise yourself. Yesterday I went for a 4 mile treadmill run. Although my treadmill and my Garmin have differing average paces, I felt good with the pace. This run was just right for where I am now. It was hard, but it was also doable. It is where I should realistically be and it where I should be running. Dreams are necessary and worth striving for but living in reality is necessary too.

Time to lay it out there.

Time to be proud of where I am because I should be proud of it

Start Strong to Finish Strong

Jan19

I am going to run a Half Marathon.

I am going to run the NYC NYRR Half Marathon.

Of course, i will be running it in my town and not the streets of NYC. I am running another virtual race. It is what I do now. It is what we all do now. Ok, not all but I need to train for something. I need motivation. I need something. And while virtual races do not have the pull as in person, this time it is going to be different…… I hope.

I have a novel approach to this half marathon. One that I haven’t done with any of my “recent” events. I haven’t used this approach in years. Here we go………… I want to go into this race the old fashioned way. I want to go into it confidently. I want to go into it ready. Most of all……….

I want to go into it trained.

Now this is not to say that I didn’t train for previous events. You know back in the day when there were in person events. I did. I did……… Right up until I didn’t.

I stopped trying. I stopped pushing. I did the bare minimum that I needed to do to get me to the finish line. Maybe even less than the bare minimum too.

Now I want to get to the finish line not with a struggle. Not with and excuse. Not with baggage. I want to go back to the days of feeling confident in my training. Feeling confident in my ablilities. Knowing that I am ready to tackle the miles before me. In order to trust the training, there must be actual training.

I want to go back to the mantra….

FINISH STRONG!

Some where along the line I forgot that in order to finish strong, you must also start strong. And so it begins….

8 Weeks and here we go…. Starting strong to finish strong.