Plugging Along

May9

Most of us lead ordinary lives. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It is just a fact of life. Most of have a pattern to our lives which changes over time. My Mother refers to it as the “seasons of our lives.” Right now I feel that I’m between seasons…..

As with the “seasons of our lives,” we also have seasons in our training.

Right now I feel that I’m in between seasons……

I just came off the NJ Half. A race that I went in under trained for, but still finished well and with a solid time of 2:20:23. The race went well. For the most part, I felt good overall and it gave me hope that I will be ready to start Chicago Marathon training. I’m to the point where I need to start preparing for my training. First thing first is to put the actual date of the Marathon on my calendar. When people ask me when it is, I truly only knew that it was in October.

Date: October 8, 2017

152 days from today.

This means that training will start literally in a matter of weeks.

Oh Boy….

My mind is a flurry thinking about gearing up my training, getting handle on calcium (hypoparathyroidism), figuring out nutritional and supplements, and being a busy Mom of three.

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy….

treadingwater

Honestly right now I’m plugging along with the calcium, but I often feel like I’m just treading water. There appears to be a fine line between keeping your head above water and letting yourself sink. It feels like a constant state of not being able to plant your feet. It is a strange feeling trying to keep your calcium high enough to not be too symptomatic but not so high as to cause other problems. Plus even with keeping my calcium high enough, it is still keeping it in the low range thereby figuring out how to deal with those symptoms. Those that have dealt with it for a while do say that you eventually get used to the “new normal.” I’m trying to believe them.

I’m looking forward to the day where I’ve figured it out a little (lot) better than I have right now. It’s just a constant guessing game. Plus I’ve come to the realization that what has changed most for me is that really overnight I started to feel my age if you will. Although I do think that even if I don’t look it being in such good shape has helped with some of the symptoms.

But I will work it out. I will get my head out of the sand. I will start training. Most of all, I will cross the finish line in Chicago.

I’m trying to find the excitement. It sounds bad, but I’m not excited about running. I’m not happy about running it. I’m not unhappy or unexcited either. I’m just blah. It’s not that I don’t want to run it. It’s just right now I’m not feeling it. But I’m not feeling a lot of things right now, so I’ll just go through the motions.

One day at a time.

One step at a time.

Every runner no matter what their health knows that nutrition plays a key role in not just their training but their general well being. That is where I plan to start.

Off to make an appointment with nutritionist.

It’s Nice to Say Hello

May4

Race Recap – Part 2

Now some may say that I have a certain style or flair when I run. Me, I just say that I like to have fun. For the most part I do usually wear pink, but sometimes I do like to take it up a notch. NJ Half was going to be one of those events. Another Mama and I conspired to bring tutus and skirts for everyone:):)

There may have been some initial grumbling (ahem), but everyone went with the program. I love it when a plan comes together.

Then off we went….

During the course of the race our group separated slightly. I was still running with one of my friends, when someone came up from behind and asked, “Are you accidentally Running Mama?”

I have to say that I was surprised to say the least. But then I recognized her from her online profile too! We were able to chat a few miles and actually meet the “real” person behind the curtain. There is something to be said about meeting someone in person that you follow online. It’s funny because in a small way you feel like you already know them. I would love to meet her for another run as it does seem like we have run a few of the same races. She mentioned that she saw me in the Bronx but we didn’t’ get to connect. I’m glad we did this day. I will say that for a brief moment when we spit a VERY, VERY, VERY small part of me was sad that I wasn’t running the marathon. That is right up until I realized how close to the finish line I was.

There are a few people that I know online that I’ve met up with at various events and it is always fun. It’s funny too because it wasn’t till almost a mile in that I was like, “I think it’s time for real introductions.” And of course, we both wanted a picture together.

NJHalf3

Later she shared this picture on her instagram account and wrote something very nice and made me want to run with her even more.

NJHalf2

That is the awesome thing about running and runners. I’ve actually met people at races and chat the entire race with them. Some I never see again. Some become Facebook friends and I still never see again. Then some become real friends. There is something about running with someone that takes away the pretenses. You can’t worry about impressing someone when you are trying to run. This is why running friends get to know you better than most people ever will. Running does not take the place of a good therapist, but there is something to be said for knowing that you can open up to your running friends the way that it might be hard to do eye to eye over coffee.

I will say this is another one of the many reasons I don’t usually wear headphones during a race. I love to listen to the sounds of the race – the spectators, the footsteps, and the opportunity to chat or listen to those around me. Obviously, this depends on my goal for the race but I’m never coming in first anyway:)

Do you like to chat while your run?

Yes We Did!

May1

No expectations.

No watching the clock.

Nothing but a plan to cross the finish line with a smile.

Mission Accomplished!

I was worried. You know that to be true, but I was VERY happy with the way the day went. I went into this race just to run by feel, wear a tutu and a smile. It was good day. It was the kind of day that I needed. I think planning was key.

First the boring stuff.

From talking to other athletes with Hypoparathyroidism, I had a plan. I purposely waited till we got to the venue to take my 500mg of Calcium and my Calictriol. My water bottles were filled with water and cal-ez powder to keep my calcium. I brought an extra packet to use along the way. Each packet contained 1,000mg of calcium carbonite, but it is fast absorbing because it also has 1,000 units of vitamin D which is needed for absorption. Studies have shown that even healthy people calcium levels drop during rigorous exercise. For a person with working parathyroid glands, the body will adjust (although you still might want to talk to your doctor about adding supplements), but for a person whose body can’t regulate this can be a problem. Now while it may seem excessive to have taken almost 3,000 mg of calcium in such a short period of time for me I believe it was necessary and a work in progress. All I know is that I felt good during the run. I did not experience any face twitches or tingles. Although I was pushing at the end and did get some tingles in my hand, but all was good.

We left early as you often have to do when running a race that starts at 7:30. The “clown car” as my son called it when we got home was filled with excited Mama’s. We were very lucky that one of the Mama’s knew the in and outs of not only getting there but finding an open bathroom before the race.

Then off we went.

It was strange to me that the marathon runners and half marathon runners all started together, but it mattered not to me as long as I was starting with friends. For the most part we ran together, but as will happen during the course of the race we separated into smaller groups. Might have something to do with chatting the miles away and not realizing that you’ve lost sight of others in the group.

Am I sore today?

You bet. But I bet so are so many other people:):)

I’ve got some fun stories to tell about this race, but this is enough for today.

It was a great day with some amazing women and I am so glad we did it!

NJHalf

And yes, I do have a unicorn horn:)

A New Chapter

Apr28

We live in a society where strength is looked up to and any kind of weakness should be both stamped out, frowned upon and just wrong. Asking for help is often seen to some (not all) as an almost sacrilegious thing. We live in a society where if we don’t like something we just ignore it. This holds true to so many things from politics to health. The expression bury your head in the sand didn’t come from nowhere.

You see this in runners (myself included) who rather than deal with an injury may try to shake it off and run anyway. I did this with my Plantar Fasciitis and also when I twisted my ankle training for the 50K. It wasn’t until I was out about 2 miles after I twisted it that I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to run off the pain. I also did it to when coming back from my surgery. Trying to jump back in where I left off like everything was the same. Some times you can’t run out the pain. Some times you need to face it, deal with it, and treat it.

Why do we do these things? When a friend comes to us in need, we don’t think less of them. We don’t hold it against someone who has fallen ill or becomes injured. Then why do we hold ourselves to different standards?

Why indeed?

This weekend I am going to run my first race post surgery. My first race with hypoparathyroidism.

I am both excited and apprehensive at the same time. I’ve got my arsenal all ready to go.

I originally signed up for the marathon. Thank God that I was smart enough to know that was never going to happen. I’m not even properly trained for the half marathon that I’m running. Luckily for me though I’m not going in alone. I’m going in with some friends and we are all going to do what we need to do to get to the finish line.

Even more lucky, these are friends that I trust to keep an eye on me. I’ll be honest. Part of me is a little nervous. Not because I’m not trained enough which I’m not. I’ve done races before not properly trained. I’m nervous because this will be my first real test on how I will be able to run distance with my calcium issues. It’s also a test for how much I need to prepare for Chicago Marathon training. A base line if you will.

I’m not trained, but I’m still prepared. I plan to pack my calcium tablets with me and take 2 before the start. I also am heading a recommendation from a hyperparathyroidism athletes group to put Cal-Ez in my water.

I’m not thinking about pace. Ok I’m thinking about but I know I need to just let it go. The ego is strong, but needs to be left in check. This is not the day. I must remind myself of that and let my ego go as this will be the day just to finish. I am handling it like a test run:) But a test run with a medal at the end!

This is the first run in a new chapter of my running.

On your mark

Get Set

Go!

Enough

Apr18

Yesterday was the Boston Marathon. This is a day as a runner to be dazzled not just by elite runners but amazing runners with back stories that will bring tears to your eyes.

Jose Luis Sanchez

Like Sgt. Jose Luis Sanchez who was injured in Afghanistan and not only finished in 5:46:13 but did so carrying an American Flag sent to him by his unit when he was recovering from his injuries.

Then there are the Amazingly Speedy Mama’s that I personally know that not only BQ’d (Boston Qualified), but then crushed Boston. They are inspiring in their dedication, speediness, and awesomeness.

I tip my proverbial hat to all of them.

And as of this was unfolding yesterday, a friend shared a blog post that I found very powerful about being a Mom called What if All I Want is a Mediocre Life?

This post struck me as I pretty much lead a mediocre life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mediocre life and often joke that I am destined for bigger and better things. The truth is though that my life is already pretty much bigger and better already. Besides bigger means more work and I’m barely keeping my head above water now. I’ve made peace with my “mediocre life” and I actually love it and probably wouldn’t change much about it except maybe have someone else who is better at it clean my house.

Although I never put in in the context the writer did, I have thought about it when it comes to my running.

Seriously.

What if I’m ok with being a mediocre runner? What if I prefer to sleep in and hit snooze than get up early for a run? What if I know that I will never be standing on the podium? What if I’m ok being a middle of the packer? What if I’m ok with just to run as many miles as I can squeeze in on a given week? What if I just like the comrade that I enjoy with my running group? What if for right now I have no desire to push my limits in either distance or speed and just want to enjoy the process?

Is that enough?

Am I still a runner?

Do I still get to wear the badge of honor as a runner?

HELL YEAH!

After yesterday’s blog post It is What It is a friend sent me a very nice message. One of the things she wrote that was so on the money was “Give yourself a break – either mentally or physically.“

She is so right. I think that I got caught in the cycle of bigger and better and in the process lost a little something along the way. I have been so focused on the “prize,” the next race, the next distance, the next PR that somewhere along the way I may have run out of gas. Not the “I’m in a slump” way, but I’ve run out of gas and need directions kind of way.

I’ve achieved a lot in my running in the few years that I’ve been at it. No joke. At what point is enough enough? First it was a Sprint Triathlon. Then a half marathon. Jumping to the Runner’s World Hat Trick. Then falling into a the Philly Marathon. Ending up at a 50K. Getting a sub 2 half in NY. One after another. After another. I’m not done. I have goals. I have dreams and aspirations with my running but maybe for today, maybe for now this is enough.

I admit it. When I started running, I had something to prove. Not to anyone else but to myself. That I was strong enough. That I was fast enough. That I had earned the title of runner. The problem though became the bigger and better. The proverbial ring was kept just out of reach. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED every minute (ok not every) of pushing my limits and reaching for it all. Maybe for right now though, I want to just ride the Merry Go Round for a while.

There is nothing wrong with that.

julie andrews

We are all on our own journey. We all have our own paths to follow. What is the right path for one person may not be the right path for the next person. I’ll be honest as I always am, I’m just not sure what path I want to be on right now and that’s ok too. I’ve got time to figure it out.

For now though

This is enough.

I am enough.

and even with all of this uncertainty, I am happy with where I’m at.

It Is What It Is

Apr17

Life is ever changing. Life is all about new beginnings. Often in life many of us focus too much on what is ending or changing and not what is beginning. Yes, I do this way too often too. It is easy to get stuck in the rut of what is missing, what is different, what will never be the same again. I wonder if somehow that is a coping mechanism for many of us. The way to hold onto what we are not ready to let go of or accept. A way of tying us to the past. In the end though all it does is keep us stagnant and does not free us up to confront the changes in life.

Life is ever changing.

Each day we must wake up and realize that it is a new beginning. Yes, we may have the same routines but each day brings new hope. New possibilities. Maybe not a clean slate, but definitely a fresh start with unimaginable possibilities.

It is up to us to face this fresh start with a positive attitude which I wholeheartedly admit is not always easy. While many of us try to decide if the glass half full or half empty, we must remember how blessed we are to have a glass in the first place. It may not be the size glass that we want, but we are blessed either way and there are countless others who wish they even had a glass.

We may not like change, but change is a fact of life. Now, I am not going to say that every change in our life is good. Some changes down right suck. Some changes take getting used to and still suck. Some changes we would not wish on our biggest enemy (although as an adult who really has enemies?). All that being said, change is inevitable and we must learn to adapt, roll with it, and accept.

I’ve learned in life that you can really get through anything in life one you accept that this is the hand that life dealt you. Acceptance does not mean that you are necessarily happy with the changes, but that you know those are the breaks. One of my favorite quotes sums it all up.

it is what it is This is where I am with a few things right now.

I will say that this is definitely where I am right now with the NJ Half which is less than two weeks away now.

I’m going into this SEVERELY under trained. I’m going into this honestly wondering how I will finish it since I can’t remember the last time that I ran 10 miles let alone 13. I’m going into this knowing that this is where I am at right now and no amount of running in the next two weeks will make it any easier.

It is what it is.

and

What ever shall be, shall be.

YUP

I have a plan for race day though. I’m going to call my bluff. I’m going to show up at the starting line with no plan. With no expectations. With the only thought of running till I can’t run. Then walking. Then with any luck some more running. I’m going into this with the expectation of this being my slowest and hardest half ever. Probably harder than when I ran my sub 2 NY Half. This will be one that will leave me out of breathe and sore for days.

All that being said, I am also going into this knowing how lucky I will be to be at the Start line, let alone the finish line.

This will be my wake up call and it’s about time I pick up the phone.

Apr11

Who remembers as a kid singing the song in Health Class about everything being connected?

“The hip bone’s connected to the back bone
The back bone’s connected to the neck bone,
The neck bone’s connected to the head bone,
Now shake dem skeleton bones!”

Cute song that helped us learn about how our bones were connected. Then on our way we go. As adults most of us never think about how inter-connected our bodies are and how interconnected everything really is. Yes, as athletes we know about proper fueling but for most of us that is the extent of our thought process.

Then again. Maybe that’s just me.

Yes, I do know the rule garbage in equals garbage out.

All that being said, for the most part as a grown up we pretty much know what is considered healthy and what isn’t and eat accordingly. We really don’t give it much thought other than that. Honestly, why would we?

The only time a person really starts to think about these things is when they need to. I’ve been giving more thought to it recently. They body is an amazing thing the way it works. How it takes in nutrients and uses them. How certain foods will help and certain foods will hurt with calcium absorption. Yes, that’s really all I seem to care about right now. Forgive me. But it’s all interconnected.

So I’ve been doing my research, but it can be overwhelming. Yes, we all know about dairy, but there is a whole host of other foods that are good too. Then there is a whole host of foods that are not good for calcium absorption such as caffeine, salty foods, and high protein foods just to name a few. This then creates a quandary.

Remember I had planned to go on my diet May 1rst. Remember it was going to be a high protein diet because that is what worked for me in the past. Well obviously it won’t work for me now. Also, as an athlete I depend on replenish myself after a good workout with protein. Should I continue with that pattern? These are questions that I am asking myself now. These are questions that I need answers to.

So it is all interconnected.

And this isn’t even getting into the discussion of how exercise effects calcium levels.

As of now, I’m reaching out to those who are more knowledgeable and I’m emailing some nutritionist. I’m looking for an individual who looks at the big picture and can help me individualize something for me. There are a lot of nutritionists out there. The key is to find the one that will work well with me and as a plus will take insurance. I’ve already called and my insurance does cover up to 3 per calendar year and unlimited if medically necessary. When I asked what that was, they immediately went to a diabetic. Well I will question if they tell me they won’t cover my visits (but that is a fight for another day).

It’s funny how things you never gave a thought to before suddenly fill your mind.

calcium-1xs87cq

Yes, It is Real.

Apr8

Yes, my running is coming along. Yes, I’m getting stronger than I was before, but in my mind and body I knew that things still just weren’t right. To the outsider looking in they might think that everything was ok. I knew differently. Mostly because as much as I talk, as much as I share; there is a whole host of things that I keep to myself. Plus sometimes you begin to wonder, “is it me or is it because of the calcium levels.”

I really though that my thyroidectomy was just going to be a blip on the radar. So many people in my inner circle either knew or even themselves had their thryroid removed. It was just a simple procedure and then you just figure out what level of hormone pills to take.

Easy Peasy.

Yes, the doctors warned me of potential risks. One of them actually being a problem with my calcium level. But these were minor risks effecting less than 1% and really how hard is it to take calcium pills? But just like the informational…. But there’s more. So much more.

I’ve talked about the struggles that I’ve been having since coming back from my surgery. I’ve mentioned that my calcium levels are never coming back. I’ve accepted this. The name for this is Hypoparathyroidism. It is actually considered a rare disorder. Yeah, me. I like to be different.

Again, part of the problem is just trying to figure out if it’s me or my calcium. Before my surgery a friend who had her thryoid removed gave me a piece of advice. I’ll paraphrase. She is also a runner, so she understands. She said that I should remember that I am a marathon runner and that I know the things that my body can and have done. If something doesn’t feel right after surgery, I will know because I know what I’m capable of doing. I hold onto this advice as I try to sort out things. It is with this thought that I am reminding myself that things just aren’t right when I get a full night sleep and am still exhausted and need a siesta during the day..

What I didn’t know though that I wasn’t alone. It is a powerful thing when you realize that you are not the only one and it’s not just you. It’s amazing the information that you can find on the World Wide Web that is actually useful. The problem is weeding out the garbage. I recently (like last night) stumbled upon a Facebook group for athletes who also have hypoparathyroidism. Once I joined the group and started reading some of the posts, I wanted to cry. Not because they were sad, but because I realized that I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t babying myself. I wasn’t making excuses. These are things that have gone through my mind. I realized that the “Suck it up Buttercup” mentality really didn’t apply.

From the site NORD (National Organization of Rare Disorders) on side effects of low calcium.

The severity of the condition can range from mild symptoms such as a tingling or numbness in the fingers, toes or around the lips (paresthesias) to severe muscle cramps and muscle spasms
Additional symptoms that may be associated with hypoparathyroidism include fatigue, generalized weakness, muscle aches, anxiety or nervousness, and headaches. Affected individuals may also have dry, coarse skin, brittle nails, and patchy hair loss such as the thinning of the eyebrows. S
Depression, irritability, confusion, disorientation, mood swings and loss of memory have also been reported in individuals with hypoparathyroidism.

Because it is so rare and because people hear “low calcium” levels, most people (and I was previously one of them) think that calcium is only for strong bones and good hair, but it really does effect so much more. Then when researching and as told from my doctor the potential side effects of the treatment which for me is a minimum of 5,000 mg of Calcium a day (8 pill minimum throughout the day) with another medicine (Calcitriol) to help my body absorb the calcium., there can be severe side effects. You can end up with calcium deposits on the brain, kidney stones, and such. Good times. According to my doctor, the goal then is to keep my calcium level just high enough to be right at the bottom level of proposed calcium levels, but not too high to cause problems. Sure.

Easy Peasy.

One of the blogs I read summed it up perfectly. They said that treating calcium levels is very similar to how a diabetic has to regulate their insulin levels. Most diabetics can tell by the way they feel if their levels are high or low. It’s about paying attention to their bodies. The difference is that a diabetic can easily check their insulin levels at home. This is not the case for those with hypoparathyroidism. So it’s about paying attention. It’s about knowing your body. It’s about knowing this is a real issue that requires constant care.

I’ve already realized that when I come back from a run where I’ve pushed it, I can feel it. Sometimes, I will get a twitch in my face. My muscles are sorer than I remember them ever being. I’m learning to handle it. It’s about knowing that I need to roll with it. I’m now learning from those that have already figured things out. Life is all about learning, adapting, and doing all that you can.

So I’m going to figure this out.

its-not-what-happens-to-you-but-how-you-react-to-it

Honesty is the Best Policy

Mar24

Time for some brutal honesty.

I’ve got wiggles. I’ve got jiggle. I’ve got a belly that would shake like a bowl fully of jelly if not for the support of my running pants. As my son once told me, I’ve got a nice soft tummy like a pillow.

Yup, he said that.

You know what? He wasn’t wrong when he said it and it’s still very true today. Instead of a six-pack, my abs could be described more like a marshmallow quality.

I told you that it was time for brutal honesty.

Now as I admit these things, that does not mean I’m beating myself up. I’m just being honest. I will also say that I’ve got legs that really are very muscular, strong, and can go the distance.

. These legs and the accompanying jiggle have taken me many miles and on awesome adventures.

Truth be told, I wouldn’t mind loosing a few pounds.

Truth be told, I’m not sure if I want to make the sacrifices required to do so either.

Here is the thing….

I’ve got a hubby that genuinely doesn’t care about the extra jiggle and I plan on keeping him.
My blood pressure is amazing and I’ve got great cholesterol levels.
My heart is obviously doing ok with all the cardio (AKA running) that I do.
In the whole scheme of things, even though I would be happy if I lost the weight, I am also happy with keeping it. To be honest it really won’t change my life at all.

Last time that I went on a major diet was between son number two and son number three. Son number three is now 10. So it’s been a while. At the time, I did the South Beach Diet. It took dedication and planning, but it did work. I’m just not that sure that I want to be that dedicated. I’m beginning to ponder and develop a game plan.

I do know that I will do nothing till May 1rst which is the day after the the NJ Half Marathon. You would think this would have something to do with the actual race, but it doesn’t. It has to do with not setting myself up for failure. April is my mother’s, my son’s, and my birthday. Plus it is Easter. I don’t want to start something that I know wont end well.

I am thinking that the best course of action will be just to start making wiser decisions which I’m already trying to incorporate. Drink more water. Eat more fruit. Just think about what I’m eating. Who knows maybe that is all I need right now:)

So if I’m happy with things, why even think about the weight. Well I’m also thinking about goals for the year. I know realistically that if I do loose a few pounds that I might actually be able to run the Chicago Marathon well. Maybe even hitting the elusive 4:30 mark. Of course, a lot of that also depends on my training. So if I plan to loose weight it will need to be before marathon training begins.

Right now these are just thoughts. Pondering. Weighing my options if you will.

You got to have goals and to have goals you have to have plans.

What’s your goal?

You Just Have to Go

Mar21

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again more for me than you:)

I’m not a world class athlete. I’m not a top 10 finisher. Although I have had a few good finishes I will admit. Those have been at smaller events though. In looking over my races in Athlinks, I can say that I’ve had some good races with some nice paces. Normally though I admit that I am a middle of the packer.

I’m not many things, but what I am is determined.

I am determined to not to be the fastest or run the furthest, but to just keep going. At this point it is all I can do and really all I want to do. I’ve pushed myself to run fast. I’ve pushed myself to run far. Right now all I want to do is push myself out the door. To run with no purpose other than to run. No agendas. No plans.

This is not to say that in the back of my mind I don’t have goals or plans. I do. Everyone does. But for right now, getting out the door is enough.

I have no desire to run 40 miles a week that I was running before my surgery. I would like thought to get out the door at least three times during the week. I would be happy with 20 miles a week. I’m not even close to being there yet.

I was having lunch with a friend today and we were lamenting about how easy it is to stop running, but how hard it is to start back up again. Even when you really have the desire to run. Routines change. Excuses are easier to form. Life gets in the way. Right now it’s really a day by day thing. I’m trying to get back into the routine of it all. It does my heart good o know that I am not alone. There are a few of us for various reasons all trying to get our mojo back. I think that now that Spring is on the horizon that will help tremendously.

On today’s run we were talking about how the NJ Half is only a month away. We are all know that it’s well past time to stop putting off on our training and that we need to get serious. One thing that I was saying is that although I have been very happy not to have had an event on my calendar every month like in previous years, that it is much easier to put off running when your feel like your calendar is clear. That will be something I will think about for next year.

For now though I am thinking only about getting out and running.

As I said today…

You don’t have to go far. You don’t have to go fast. You just have to go.

This will be my new manta for now.

determination2

So this week is off to a great start with 5 miles in the books. Tomorrow will be a rest day with some blood work to see how things are going. Then Wednesday, its time to get back out there.

The Accidentally Running Mama

Run, Bike, Swim and Have a Life!