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Like Starting Over

Dec14

The name of my blog is truly reflective of how I discovered my love for running.    I only ran because I needed to for my one and done triathlon.   Yes there have been more than one at this point, but I didn’t know that at the time.    By the time I finished the Couch to 5K program, I realized that I couldn’t imagine not running.

But today was different.   It was no accident that I laced up.   It was a choice.  It was like starting over……

That’s because it really is starting from square one.  Ok, maybe not square one but I am certainly not where I was a month ago which is about how long it was since I have run.   I’m excited to start over.   I have more knowledge than when I accidentally started.   I can go into this with some thought and maybe not as clumsily.    That being said, toady…

It was slow

It was hard.

It was short.

There was heavy breathing

But….

There was joy.

There was excitement.

There was knowledge that I can do this.

   I am not looking at this as what I have lost, because the body and muscles know what to do.   The lungs quest for working hard.   This is a new beginning.

This is stating over and it is a wonderful thing.

Today it was only a mile and a half and a slow pace of 11:15.   I think it was the right distance and I know it was the right pace.   It felt great to be out there again.

One day at a time.

One run at a time.

 

Why Not?

Dec6

So things are looking up.    After changing my medication and going for only 3 blood tests last week, my calcium level now falls into only “moderately low.”    That is opposed to the “if it goes any lower we are going to need to infuse you with calcium via a iv.”   So I will take the moderately low but better counts.    Things must be looking up because I have only gone for one blood test this week and will only go for one more.   I can feel that I’m on the upswing.

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That being said, I do know that weather it be the medicine I’m taking to improve my calcium that I’m just not “right” yet. I’m taking a medicine in conjunction with the 8 calcium pills a day that helps your body absorb the calcium.   Good times.    It is all tied with my calcium because my other levels are fine.   Today is a perfect example of not being on my  A game.   After taking kids to school, I met a friend for coffee.    By the time, I got home I was exhausted to the point that I actually climbed back into bed and took a short nap.  This is a big adjustment for someone who was running 40 miles a week and now hasn’t even gone around the block in 3 weeks or so.   I will get there, but this will take time.

That being said, I also know that Christmas is just around the corner.   There is baking to be done.   Gingerbread houses and marshmallows to be made.   There are presents to be bought, wrapped, and put under the tree which has yet to be brought home.   So I am not going to push it.   I love Christmas more than I love running.   Yes, I went there.

My running friends and I already have a plan how to get back in the game.   We all know that there really is no point in stressing out now, so come January we are all back in.   NO, this is NOT a resolution.   This is just giving ourselves time to not stress out about our running and we know our running shoes will be waiting for us come January 2nd because whose ready to run on the 1rst.    Besides by this time, I think I will be totally back on track.   Every day I’m feeling better.   Yes, I still can tell my calcium is low with slight tingles now in the face when it’s getting low.   This is a marked improvement from having fingers that clench up and muscles cramps.   One day at a time.

Now, we all know that I need motivation.   My one running friend is doing a half in April that she convinced me would be a good idea to sign up to run.   I was admit that I would not sign up for any races, but I thought maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.   Here’s the thing…. I’m nuts.   I admit it.   I go to the site and instead of clicking half, I register for the full.    But wait, I can explain….

As I told my friend, I don’t want to sound obnoxious.    I know it will come off that way, but considering I just ran a marathon less than a month ago signing up for just the half did not seem like it would challenge me enough.   I also thought about it (yes, very briefly but more since I signed up).   I am going to run and train for this marathon on my own terms.    I have run a few marathons now.    This is supposedly a nice flat course which really means nothing for 26 miles as it’s still 26 miles.   That being said, this will be the first marathon that I train on my own.  No Coach.   Before, I come up with a plan (you know I like plans) I will see where I am in my health, what I think I can do come April, and decide what I will train for.   I will then train, but I want to train with flexibility.    This does not mean that I will go easy on myself but I think I want to do this on my own this time.   It will be a learning experience and life is about learning and living.

So there you have it………

I’m running the NJ Marathon.

Why Not?

 

 

Quiet Please

Sep3

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Yesterday, I had what my coach calls a cut-down.    I guess it is similar to a tempo run but a little different.

When I first started with my coach it took me a while to adjust to these runs.    With most things, it gets better with practice.   I find these runs are also a great way to get good at learning to keep pace.   The thing is when I started my cut-downs were not as fast as they are now.    Here was yesterdays scheduled run:

1 mile easy
1 miles @ 8:55-9:05
1 miles @ 8:45-55
1 miles @ 8:35-45
1 miles @ 8:20-35
1 miles easy

Just looking at these paces makes me wonder what I am doing.   But this week I am determined to get all my assigned runs in at my assigned paces if possible.   If nothing else I am comitted to stop making lame excuses.    Although it’s not always easy.

I knew that I wanted to do this cut-down on a treadmill.   I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to go till the evening.   Then evening comes and I’m ready to go…… But first

Hubby has been home sick and I run to pick him up some soup (yeah, I’m good like that)

Literally while pulling into parking lot of YMCA – “Mom, can you pick me and my friends (they are out at local festival) and they are going to come back and hang out our house.”   I’m like sure when only to find out that he meant right then.   Out of the parking lot I go.

Hubby, “Are you still planning to go run?”

AHHHHHH,    yes I am.   On a day less committed, I might have said no.   Not last night.   So finally get to the treadmill and think that maybe I won’t do the full 6.   Maybe I’ll only do 5.   Maybe I won’t run as fast as cut-down calls for.   On and on that little voice goes and mile by mile I shut her down.

Was the run hard.   You bet, but I think that is the point.    I’m always amazed when a hard run is over that I could actually do it.    There is a sense of accomplishment not only with completing a hard run, but shutting down that inner voice that wants you to take the easy way out.

Some days the voice is quiet, but on these days where it is a constant struggle to shut it up I know I am that much stronger.   It is learning to shut up this voice that will help me push through the wall in a marathon or any hard run for that matter.    For most or at least for me, the wall is not based on pain or at least pain that can’t be run through.  It is when the voice becomes to loud and I fall into the trap and listen to her.   These are the runs that teach me that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.   These are the runs that will remind me that that voice is a liar.

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Come Back to Me……

Sep1

After many months, I was FINALLY able to get a much need run in with a friend tonight.    The beauty of your running friends is they will tell you what you want to hear, sometimes things you don’t want to hear, and just listen while you ramble on too.   It’s a special thing:)

We were talking about my training and her training as she is also doing New York.    We both have similar goals except that I’m not really sure of my goals right now.   Things are kind of up in the air, but she made me laugh telling me not to be a “teenager and just do it.”    She further pointed out that my training has been getting back on track and that if I give it just a little more time so will my head.    Part of that has to do with once the kids get back in school and I can get back to my normal schedule.

Here’s hoping.

I said to her that it has really been a difficult summer and it is even ending on a not so fun note.   All of these things are have not totally sucked the life out of my training because I am finally able to get my workouts in.   Maybe not all of them, but I’m getting better.   I’m getting back doing what I need to do, it is just sucking my get up and go.

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I’ve said before that part of my problem is that last year when training for Marine Corps Marathon, I had committed goals.  They were concrete.    I don’t have that this time.    I am missing the drive that I had.   I am trying to find it.   I really am, but part of me keeps questioning in the end what does it matter.    I know it would be a source of pride to me to run a marathon in 4:30 or under, but other than that what will the point be?   I have PR’d in various events.    In looking at Athlinks today, I realized that there were a few events that I finished decently and one I even came in first in my age group.   Of course, there were only 4 women in that group but still.   I’m wondering……  What does it matter?

I not only love  to run, but being a runner is part of who I am now.    If I were to never run another race again (that’s not happening – don’t panic), I would still need running in my life.   I love running, but I’m growing weary of training.   Not physically, but mentally.

I know all this mumbo jumbo in my head is due to all that has happened this summer.    You can’t loose a loved one and not think about what is important in your life.  I wish that was all, but like the commercials says “but there’s more!”

I am committed to running the New York City Marathon.   I am committed to training for the New York City Marathon.     I am committed to finishing the New York City Marathon.   I just wish I knew how I wanted to finish it and what I want out of race day.

It feels good to say that.   It feels good to know that.

That is the one thing that has fallen into place today while other things were falling out of place.   I do know that I am committed to New York which will mean that I will be committed to training for it.   Like a child whose old toys is about to be thrown away, I did not realize how important this has become to me until the prospect of having to bow out became a possibility.

If there sounds like there is more to this story, there is but I’m not at a point to share it all.     In the scheme of things it’s not anything tragic or bad, it is just something that I have to deal with.   Like laundry, some things just need to be done.    When the time is right, I will let you know.

 

Can You Do It?

Aug22

It’s hard not to compare yourself to others.   I wonder if it’s human nature.

Yesterday I completed my longest run since my 50K.    I ran 14 miles and to be honest, I didn’t run the whole thing.   During this time, the baddest BAMR that I know was completing her I believe third FULL Ironman.   She truly is amazing.

You know what?

Her amazing and mind boggling feats do not cancel out my hard fought 14 miles.

You know why?

It’s an apple and an orange.

Because I am in competition with no one but myself.   Yes, right now, I am not the best competitor, but still.

Some of us (and I admit sometimes me too, but only briefly) think….

I’ll never be as fast as….

I’ll never run as far as….

I’ll never be blah, blah, blah…

You know what?

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It’s all noise.   It’s all a distraction.   It means nothing.    It keeps us from our potential. For a long time I let what others could do that I couldn’t hold me back.  I haven’t in a long time.   I have the feeling that Meb and others at the top of their game don’t do this.   Not because they are better than the rest of us (which lets be honest, they are).   It is because they have confidence in themselves and their abilities.   Yes, it’s probably much easier to do if your Meb, but there can only be one Meb.

 For the average person, having confidence in oneself is hard.   It means putting yourself out there even just in our own mind.    Sometimes we talk ourselves out of something by saying we can’t do it.  On some level it is easier to doubt ourselves than to try and then fail.  Hence the reason I haven’t really committed to a diet:(

Here’s the thing though……

If you don’t put yourself out there, how will you know what you can do?

Now I’m not saying that we all need to run marathons, complete an ironman, or even run any races.   I’m saying that we need to be honest with ourselves, our goals, and what we really want.    If you never set any goals, how will you know when you’ve gotten to where you want to go?

I have a friend whose goal is simply to run 3 times a week.   Another friend wants to qualify for Boston.   Others streak every day for a mininimum of a mile.   Some have BIG goals and others are just starting out and want to be able to run a mile.    No matter what the goal, no matter how big or small you think they are, it important to have them.

I’m beginning to wonder if this is my problem with my NYCM training.   Yes my goal last year was to quality which I did, but now I really don’t have a goal.   I’ve already run 2 road marathons.   Last year I set a private goal for the Marine Corps Marathon of finishing in 4:30 which I missed by 8 minutes and 14 seconds (yes, the seconds count).   So maybe part of my problem is that in the back of my mind I’m wondering if I won’t be able to do it this time either.  A little self sabotage goes a long way.

There is a saying that I love about children.   It speaks about how children become what you tell them they can or can not be.   The same thing applies to adults though.   If your inner voice says you can’t do something, you won’t ever do it.

So it’s time I take my own advice and remember……

It’s better to have tried and failed than to never have tried in the first place.

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What are your goals?

Do You Know Where Your Going To?

Aug15

Diana Ross sang it best and I still can hear her sing the words (Yes, I’m that old)

Do you know where you’re going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to, do you know?
Do you get what you’re hoping for?
When you look behind you there’s no open door.
What are you hoping for, do you know?

It’s been a roller coaster of emotions these last few weeks filled with ups and downs.  It’s made these words play through my mind more than once.

My family went on our annual family camping vacation.   Don’t crunch your nose up, camping really is fun in a back to nature kind of way.   Yes, there are downsides to sleeping in a tent for almost 2 weeks, but the good far out ways the bad.

Really

Here are just some examples of the good

Usually what is even better is this view comes with limited outside noise as there is no  available cell service or wifi in camp and when needed requires seeking it out and leaving camp.   Something, I try not to do to enjoy the peace and tranquility.   This year though this normal good thing did cause somewhat of a dilemma.

This year, time away from camp that would have been spent either running or biking was spent searching for the elusive signal usually followed by the question, “Can you hear me now?”

I gladly gave up this time as I’ve said before sometimes other things are just more important.   While away, sadly but not expectantly, my almost 92 year old grandmother passed away.    Training was not a priority.

Vacation wasn’t a bust, but it was different.    It had it’s ups and downs.   Then two days after we got back, yesterday, we laid my Grandmother to rest.

Today I finally went out on a run.   Not because it was in my schedule which I totally have been off, but because I needed to.

It was hot.   It was humid.   I had to get up early.   It sucked. It was hard.    All that being said, I needed it.   I met a friend for the first half of the run and it was good to run with her.   It is always good to run with her as miles don’t seem as bad when your chatting them away.   Then I ran her home where she refilled my water bottles and I was off again.   As much as I enjoyed running with my friend, I also enjoyed these solitary miles too.   It was nice to be with m own thoughts for a bit too.

The beauty of this run is that it really was just a run to run.   I kept the pace slow due to the heat.   I walked when I felt I needed to.   I stood in a sprinkler when I could find one.   There was no pace.   There was n plan other than to run 10 miles.   It is what I needed.

During the second part of the run, I had Diana Ross’s beautiful voice in my head with no answers.  I’ve been questioning where my running is taking me and what am I hoping for.    I’ve got no answers.   At this point, I plan to just keep plugging way.   Trying to get back onto a schedule.    Trying to find the drive that got me to where I am now, but it’s hard.    Part of me just wants to run to run.   No more training.   Nor more paces.   Just the freedom to run.  It’s not the normal, I’m tired of training that comes near the end of marathon training when it feels like a job.   This is different and I’ve been feeling this way for a bit now.

That being said, I have worked too hard to get where I am.    I am not giving up on running the NY City Marathon.   I’m just hoping to find the spark that started it all again.

I’m holding onto what my friend told me today.   It will come easier when the kids are back in school and I don’t feel like my running is interfering with family time.

Until such time, I will just keep running:)

 

 

Do You Know Where Your Going To?

 

 

 

Not a Morning Person

Jul13

I’m not a morning person.   My friends know this well.   I am a night owl which makes being a morning person that much harder.  I am also someone who isn’t at her best when she jumps out of bed and goes.   I need time.   I need coffee.    This is why on a perfect day, I would like a minimum of 45 minutes before a run to be up.   I will further admit that I LOVE to sleep in.   There is nothing better than waking up when your body tells you it is time and not when your alarm tells you.   The problem is that this summer there are days (many of them) that I need to be more of a morning person.

I don’t like it.

I don’t like it one bit!

It doesn’t always work and I’m trying. But even on mornings it works out,  I still hate it.

Why would this self professed night owl want to change into a morning person.

To get my runs in, of course!

Having 3 kids with active summer schedules, it is hard to find the time to run.   In my Pollyanna world, summer is about sleeping in, beach days, zoo days, and being a bum.   The reality isn’t so.   Although more freedom than the school year, we have teen work schedules, summer classes,  soccer schedule,  and other activities.    The bigger problem is that they are all on different days.   We may be busy in the morning with one activity and then have a few free hours before the next one.   Does not leave as enough time for adventure or running.

Boo!

Just Boo!

Then add to this the heat and it means early morning runs.

MorningWorkout

It doesn’t always work.   Today is a perfect example.   Set the alarm for 7:00.   Promptly snoozed till 7:30 which means I didn’t make it out the door for a 7:30 as I wanted.   I do have some leeway today which I must have been holding onto in the back of my mind, but it really would have been better to go at 7:30.   Now I have to wait till 9:00 which won’t be bad today as it’s not going to be hot yet and it’s a shorter run.   That’s the problem when my mind knows the truth:)

So even though it didn’t work this morning.   It also kind of did.   The kids are asleep, I’m getting some stuff done and I will get my run today.   The problem that I will have is that on mornings I have a longer run in I will need to be dedicated and get out the door which when push comes to shove I have been doing.

I’m on a roll with my training.   Shocking I know.   I have completed all my required workouts these last 2 weeks.   Maybe they weren’t perfectly on pace, but they were done.   I would like to keep it that way especially because in 2 weeks (Yeah!!) I will be going on vacation.   I’ve already told my coach that even though I will run that I will probably not  be on schedule then.    Until then, I will have to be good:)

I think what has got me back on track is that I am once again training with purpose.   I’m in New York City Marathon Training.   16 weeks will go very quickly!    Let’s not forget that in October I will also be running the Runner’s World Hat Trick again.

Let the games begin.

 

Are your a happy Morning Person?

 

 

Some Like It Hot

Jul5

I admit, I like it hot

but only when swimming at the pool or on the beach.

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For running, I much prefer a balmy 60 degree day.    Fall is a beautiful time to run (usually).   That being said,  July is not usually perfect running weather in Jersey.   That doesn’t keep me home though and I know it doesn’t keep anyone home that has a big fall race on the calendar either.    It just causes us to make adjustments or pay the price for not.  Most of us just don’t want to though or think it doesn’t apply to us.   I make them usually kicking and screaming.

The most obvious and easiest adjustment should be to get up super early and run before the heat of the day.   During the school year, I normally do my runs mid morning.   In the summer, I like to sleep in when possible.   Beating the heat does not allow for this.

Boo early runs.

Boo.

I will admit that depending on what type of run that I am doing, I may sleep in and just deal with the heat.   Yes, I may suffer a little bit in the heat but I got to sleep in or may even go for an evening run:)   I will say this does not work for days where I have a specific pace or cut down run.    This really only works on slow steady days.

Runner’s are usually all about the numbers.  When you’ve already embraced the running slower approach in your training, it is even worse.   You think to yourself, “Well I’m already running XYZ pace, so I’m good.   I don’t need to slow down any more.”

FALSE

Here is the thing –  coaches, articles, friends and even Google will tell you that heat is a huge factor in training.   I imagine if you live a a place where it is hot ALL year round and 80’s is a cool day that your body had adjusted to the heat, so this probably doesn’t apply to you.   For me though, I can tell that the heat makes a difference.    Even once my body has adjusted to the higher temperatures of summer, I still need to adjust (slow it down).  Here is the thing, no one wants to feel like a speed walker can pass them because they slowed their pace down to what feels like a stand still.   Sometimes, I admit, I think that I should tape a sign to my back saying….

I can run faster

Really

That being said, if you try to nail your assigned paces that were designed for the perfect running day (50 to 60’s), then you are going to overwork yourself trying to hit those paces.   You may not even be able to complete your run or if you do it won’t be pretty.   I’ve been there.  As much as we want to pretend it isn’t so, if you run a 10:45 pace on a 60 degree day, then when the temperature soars to 80 you need to slow down to 11:05.   There are some good online calculators for adjusting your pace due to heat.   The hotter it is outside, the more you need to slow down.  You get the same benefit running slower on a hotter day.  Really.

Really, it won’t kill you to run slower.

Then there is this.

Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate

Normally, I run with my Fitletic belt with 2 bottles.   Now that we are in the midst of summer, I have added an additional 2 bottles.   I plot my routes to go by friend’s houses, parks, or even 7-11 so that I can refill them.    I may also break out my running vest as that has bigger water bottles and more storage.   Although, I think I will save that for long runs only.

The bottom line is we are all grown ups and know what we should be doing.   Now we just have to do them.

Be safe.

Be smart.

Run.

Finding Balance

Jun29

Life is about balance.

The give and the take.

The Ying and the Yang.

Hot and the Cold

Without balance our lives would be more chaotic than they already are now.   Balancing time for ourselves, our friends, our family, and our training.   Ignore one at the expense of the other and things suffer.

Balance.

The same is true when it comes to our training.   As I said the other day in my post How Slow Can You Go, I have embraced the going slower approach to my training.   But there has to be a balance to this approach for it to work.

Balance is the key.

Run too fast too often and you will end up injured or burnt out.

Never running fast and you will never improve.

Balance.

So even though most days I am not running faster than a 10:40 pace, there are days that I’m out there pushing it. Today was such a day.  These are the days that you have to bring your A game to.    These are the days that make up for all the “slower” days.

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Yes, I take notes as when I’m pushing it sometimes my brain needs a little help.   That being said, I am pretty happy with the way this cut down turned out.   I haven’t done one in a while and this one was not meant to be an easy run.   I guess that’s what happens when you have a good race.  Your coach adjusts your cut down paces accordingly even if it made you cry a little when you saw it.  That being said, it also wasn’t meant to be I need to stop right now run either.    At the end, I was supposed to feel like I could run another mile at the pace I was running.   I will say that although, I do think I could have kept going at mile 5 that I was more than happy to slow down.

Moral of the story is as much as you need to run slow to speed up, you also need days like this too.

The Ying and the Yang.

The give and the take.

The slow running days and the run like hell days.

It’s all about balance.

How Slow Can You GO?

Jun26

slow_down

We all know that I’ve never claimed to be an expert at running.    I readily admit that I have so much to learn, but that isn’t to say that I don’t have some knowledge as I’ve been at it a few years now.  A running friend recently asked me about my running.   She’s gearing up for marathon training as many of my running friends are and she wanted to know about my paces.   She specifically wanted to  know about the “running slower” in training.   As most of you know, my coach and now me, swear by this approach.   My coach can give you all the schooled reasons why it makes more sense to train slower (Chronic Runner), I can just give you my take on it.

Before I wisely started working with my coach, I would estimate that almost ALL of my runs were at the same pace.   It didn’t matter if it was a long run, a short run, or anywhere in between.   You could count on an almost steady 10:20 pace.   I thought I was doing good, but I was wrong.    It wasn’t good for my body and it wasn’t good for my training.

I know that concept of slowing down to speed up sounds entirely crazy.    I know it doesn’t make any sense.   It goes against the grain.   You think to yourself if I’m going to get faster, I need to run faster and I need to run faster a lot.    Well, yes, yes you do need to run faster.   Here is the thing though.  You don’t need to run faster ALL the time and honestly most of the time you should be running slower.   Seriously.  No joke.  No lie.

The first thing that my coach had me do when I started with her was to slooooooow down.   Most of my daily runs except the ones designed for speed were slowed down to 11 minute pace or slower.   I didn’t get it.   I thought this doesn’t make sense, but I listened.   I followed her advice.   These slower days balanced out with days where I pushed it and ran hard.     There was a balance that I didn’t have before.   It was the key that I was missing (that and most of the key chain).    I didn’t always understand, but I understood enough to know that she was right.

Here is the thing too.    Before I slowed down, I battled plantar fasciitis.   I battled it a lot.   Taping my foot.   Running in pain.   I just thought, “this is part of being a runner.”   I was wrong.   Now, I am not saying that I am always pain free.   I am not saying that new shoes and inserts have not also helped.   What I am saying is that running slower when I didn’t need to be running fast helped.   Not only with injuries, but also allowing my body to have the juice it needed on days I needed to run fast and then allow it  recover from those hard days too.

Here is the bottom line from all this slowing down.    I am an average runner.   I do not have what is considered the “runners body.”   I am short with short (but powerful) legs.   I am a few pounds overweight.   You know what all of that means?   NOTHING.    Really.    Not only have I been able to run longer distances without injury since slowing down, but I have also run faster than I ever thought I could.    In my 5K last week that I PR’d in 26:26.   I ran the fasted mile that I have ever run. EVER.   I ran a mile in 8:12.    This was unimaginable to me.   This still boggles my mind.   Yes, I realize it’s only a mile but my 3rd mile of the 5K was 8:19.     I may never get any faster that this, but I know that I would never have made it here if I hadn’t slowed down.

keep-calm-and-trust-your-training-1

How slow can you go?