Diana Ross sang it best and I still can hear her sing the words (Yes, I’m that old)

Do you know where you’re going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you?
Where are you going to, do you know?
Do you get what you’re hoping for?
When you look behind you there’s no open door.
What are you hoping for, do you know?

It’s been a roller coaster of emotions these last few weeks filled with ups and downs.  It’s made these words play through my mind more than once.

My family went on our annual family camping vacation.   Don’t crunch your nose up, camping really is fun in a back to nature kind of way.   Yes, there are downsides to sleeping in a tent for almost 2 weeks, but the good far out ways the bad.

Really

Here are just some examples of the good

Usually what is even better is this view comes with limited outside noise as there is no  available cell service or wifi in camp and when needed requires seeking it out and leaving camp.   Something, I try not to do to enjoy the peace and tranquility.   This year though this normal good thing did cause somewhat of a dilemma.

This year, time away from camp that would have been spent either running or biking was spent searching for the elusive signal usually followed by the question, “Can you hear me now?”

I gladly gave up this time as I’ve said before sometimes other things are just more important.   While away, sadly but not expectantly, my almost 92 year old grandmother passed away.    Training was not a priority.

Vacation wasn’t a bust, but it was different.    It had it’s ups and downs.   Then two days after we got back, yesterday, we laid my Grandmother to rest.

Today I finally went out on a run.   Not because it was in my schedule which I totally have been off, but because I needed to.

It was hot.   It was humid.   I had to get up early.   It sucked. It was hard.    All that being said, I needed it.   I met a friend for the first half of the run and it was good to run with her.   It is always good to run with her as miles don’t seem as bad when your chatting them away.   Then I ran her home where she refilled my water bottles and I was off again.   As much as I enjoyed running with my friend, I also enjoyed these solitary miles too.   It was nice to be with m own thoughts for a bit too.

The beauty of this run is that it really was just a run to run.   I kept the pace slow due to the heat.   I walked when I felt I needed to.   I stood in a sprinkler when I could find one.   There was no pace.   There was n plan other than to run 10 miles.   It is what I needed.

During the second part of the run, I had Diana Ross’s beautiful voice in my head with no answers.  I’ve been questioning where my running is taking me and what am I hoping for.    I’ve got no answers.   At this point, I plan to just keep plugging way.   Trying to get back onto a schedule.    Trying to find the drive that got me to where I am now, but it’s hard.    Part of me just wants to run to run.   No more training.   Nor more paces.   Just the freedom to run.  It’s not the normal, I’m tired of training that comes near the end of marathon training when it feels like a job.   This is different and I’ve been feeling this way for a bit now.

That being said, I have worked too hard to get where I am.    I am not giving up on running the NY City Marathon.   I’m just hoping to find the spark that started it all again.

I’m holding onto what my friend told me today.   It will come easier when the kids are back in school and I don’t feel like my running is interfering with family time.

Until such time, I will just keep running:)

 

 

Do You Know Where Your Going To?