All In Good Time

Nov23

It’s been a bit since I’ve done any running.    Really it hasn’t been long at all, but it feels like forever.   It will probably be another week or so until I lace up too.   Seeing as I’ve still got sutures and probably wouldn’t make it around the block, I see no rush anyway.   That being said, I think recovery is going pretty well.

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I’m still dealing with what appears to be low calcium levels which does cause me to get tingles in my hands, face, and sometimes feet, but nothing horrible.   This seems to be more so in the morning as night is when I go the longest without calcium supplements.   Hopefully, this is a temporary thing as it’s a little annoying.  Other than that, I would say things are looking pretty good.  Can’t really complain at all.   I’ve probably been getting more sleep than I’ve done in years.   Last night, I slept the entire night through.   Literally 8 hours straight.   I know.   Amazing stuff there!

I will say that although I’m not itching to lace up, I am thinking it.   I’m thinking about how much stamina I’m loosing while not running.   You know what they say, “if you don’t use it, your loose it.”   Seeing I didn’t have tons to loose to begin with I’m wondering how hard it’s going to be to get back out there.   I’ve purposely got nothing on the books to train for as I don’t want to rush back into something.

So as I’m thinking about these things, I sit down and open Facebook and see a memory from 2 years ago today.

Philly Marathon

Philly Marathon

My first Marathon.

 Only 2 short years ago.   I remind myself how far I’ve come.   That the impossible becomes possible.   That with hard work and determination there is nothing that is out of my grasp.    This recovery is just a minor hiccup and there is only more adventures to come.

 

 

Still Going Strong

Nov20

As I said in my last blog post, I was having surgery.    For those not in the loop, I had to get my thyroid removed as it had 3 nodules.  One they couldn’t determine after a few tests weather it was good or bad.   The consencous then was that the whole thyroid should come out.

I’ll be honest as much as I knew this was the right thing to do, I was not thrilled with the prospect of surgery.   Really, who would be?  For me though it was not just the surgery but because I’m not a fan at all of having my neck touched. So the thought of having someone even a skilled surgeon cutting into my kneck freaked me out as I think it would anyone.

 In life though you do what you have to do  and this was something that I  had to do.   So off I went.

Have to say that everyone could not have been nicer at the hospital and made me feel so comfortable.    Anastisiologist came in and told me how he was going to give me something to take the edge off like the equivalent of a couple margaritas.   I must be a cheap date because literally the next thing I remember after that was waking up in the recovery room

I don’t remember much at first except flailing my arms saying, “I feel like I should be doing something.”   The nurses were probably thinking what a freak, but were so nice and just told me to relax and that I didn’t need to be doing anything.  So I because I really couldn’t do anything anyway passed right back out sleeping off the anasesia.

Then when I was waking up a little more like a normal person, I was chatting with one of the nurses.  Low and behold, she’s in my local chapter of Moms Run This Town!!!  Small world!!  She mentioned her friend who added her and I know by name but have never met.   She was even saying how she runs the local trails and may run the January winter race.   Would love to meet her there to thank her for being so awesome.


So now I’m onto recovery.    Denial has always been my friend.  Ok, maybe not my friend but a great coping mechanism. This is a little more than I wanted to think, But in whole scheme of things it’s not that bad.  It could be so much worse and I’m on road to recovery.  I’ve really got nothing to complain about and am beyond lucky on so many levels.

So now I will say,  look away if you don’t want to see….

Not as bad as it could be and not as pretty as I had hoped.   Either way, it’s all good.  
Road to recovery continues and it actually looks worse than it feels now.   Just have to make sure to remind myself that I don’t need to be doing anything except worry about recovery.

Recovery, Recovery, and Recover Some More

Nov18

Yes, I know that I’ve been off the grid.   I’ll be off for a little longer too.

I have only done two runs post marathon.   I will say that I felt really good on them.   Especially the 6 miles that I got to run on the trails.   Yeah for trails!   My happy place.    It was just what I needed too.

Training for a marathon is tough.   By the end, just about everyone I know is sick of not running but training – needing to run certain miles, needing to hit certain pace, and the time it takes.     Somehow though once the finish line is crossed, you realize not only how worth all that training was but that you would do it all over again!

nycm17

No questions.

Any day.

I, on my runners high, decided to put in for the Chicago marathon lottery just a few short days after running NY.    No not crazy.   Just on a runner’s high.  Besides I think the odd of me actually getting in our slim to non since I used up my lottery luck on Marine Corps Marathon.   That being said, it would be really cool to get in.

Now even on my runner’s high, I am not immune to how hard I pushed my body nor how much it needed a break.

So a break I took.

A break I am getting.

It doesn’t hurt that I’m having surgery today.   So I will be forced to take more of a break than I’ve probably taken in 3 years.

But I’ll be back….

Actually, I’m not going anywhere.   I’ll keep you posted.

Was It A Waste?

Nov8

I’ve been talking about the marathon a lot.   I probably will continue to talk about it a lot.  In a recent conversation,  I was asked since I didn’t reach my goal if I thought having a Coach was a waste.   I’ve got to say emphatically NO.    I’m sure that we have all heard that expression, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”    The same is true with having a Coach.    A Coach will guide you, prepare you, and get you were you need to go but it is up to the runner to take the final step.

Here is why I think that not only was it not a waste that it got me to the finish line.

My Coach has prepared me.   She gave me the tools that I needed to not only get to the starting line, but haul my behind to the finish line. Did not always take the tools given, but they were there for me.  That is on me and not her.

Training was hard.   Training on some days was much more intense than I wanted.  Training was never a walk in the park, but that wasn’t what I wanted either.   You can only get out of something what you put into it.   I also know that due to my life, I did not do everything that I needed to do to be ready for a 4:30 marathon.    If I had followed the plan, I’m sure I would have gotten there.   Besides she is a Coach not a miracle worker!

Here is the thing, I and I don’t like the way this will sound because I don’t think of it as a failure.   I blew the 4:30.   She gave me everything I needed in training and even for the day of the marathon to get me there.   She was upfront and honest about the fact that 4:30 was pushing it for this race.   That being said, she gave me the paces, encouragement, and tools to use.   I just  let myself be carried away till I ran right into the wall.

nycm23

This is the wall.

This is the face of someone trying to pull her shit together and get it done.

This is the face of someone who knows that she needs to keep moving and not give up.

I think if I hadn’t been working with my coach, I would not have known how to push through this wall.   She gave me the tools that I needed to push through, keep moving, and squeak in under 5:00.      Yes, I am also a stubborn mule who doesn’t give up easily.   That is true.   That being said,  all of the training, hard runs, and insight gave me what I needed to dig deep and know what to do.

Preparation.

No it may not have been pretty, but I kept going.

nycm19

I walked when I needed to.

Yes, I kept smiling because I’m in the NYCM!

nycm16

I ran when I could

and most of all

nycm17

I crossed the finish line!!!

And life is meant to teach us lessons.   I have no regrets, but I did learn the lesson of listening to my Coach.

Just because something does not work out the way you wanted or expected, does not mean it is a failure.    Failure is never trying in the first place:)

Still NO Regrets

Nov7

I said no regrets for NYCM and I have no regrets.   I didn’t get the 4:30 I was hoping for and squeaked in at 4:56:04.

NO REGRETS

It was an amazing day that started off at 5:45 AM  with a van ride with a bunch of amazing women to Staten Island.   Couldn’t ask for a more inspiring group of women to spend my time with.    Once the van dropped us off all we had to do is wait and wait and wait some more.    My wave didn’t start till 10:40, so it does make for a long day.

But an awesome day.

nycm4You’ve got to have fun while your waiting:)

Then off to the corrals and they really are named correctly.   We were herded in like cattle, but no one seemed to mind.  Luckily for me one of these Mama’s was in my same corral and wave!

nycm5

Then we were off!

As I said before, I was going to run this race with no regrets and I have none.   Did I get my 4:30.   NOPE.   You know what?   It doesn’t matter.   You’ve got to have goals as a fiend told me yesterday.   These were big goals as far as my spotty training goes.   I had a plan.   I had paces and you know what it all went out the window when I was running.

I am the cautionary tale.   A marathon is a whole different beast than any other road race.   Pace is key.  I know this and yet I seemed to not care yesterday once the race started.   That is why it is important to run a marathon different than lets say a half marathon.    Well, I didn’t:)   I went out the first two miles as much faster than expected and then it went out the window.

I let the crowds carry me.   I bought into the feeling you get at the beginning of a race of “I feel amazing”  and “this is awesome!”

nycm8

This is the face of someone who is feeling good.    But that feeling can only last for so long when you run the first half like you don’t still have 13 miles to go.    I ran the first half in 2:09 and change.    As expected, the second half was much slower.

I have never hit the dreaded wall before in a marathon, but I think that I can say that I hit it yesterday.   And right where they tell you that you will hit it – Mile 20 I ran a 14 minute pace.   My bad.   I must also say that ran might not be the right word.   I walked a decent amount the last few miles.  I really had nothing left to give.   My legs were like lead, my hands and lips had the tingles.   I was honestly afraid I would pass out.   What kept me moving forward was the thought that if I stopped that I wouldn’t start again and if  I passed out I wouldn’t finish.   Finishing was all that mattered!.   So onward I went.   I walked when I needed to and I ran when I could.

It was during this time that I realized even without making my goal, I had no regrets.   None!   I set out to finish and I did.   As I said to my friends, you can’t really say it’s a bad day when you can say you finished the New York City Marathon.  I am not just saying that either.   It was a great day and I am blessed beyond belief to be able to say that I did this amazing race.

Yes there is more to the story, but it is now time to soak in some bath salts:)

How was your weekend?

New York, New York

Nov5

9 plus 1 – Check

Expo shopping done – Check

I realized this was the first time that I really spent any time at an expo.   It was well worth it.   The excitement of it.    You could just feel the energy.   Plus there were deals to be had!  I may have gone overboard, but I don’t think so.   Besides, I really am only planning to run 1 NYCM, so I need to make it worthwhile!

Bib Pick-up – Check

Photo Opportunities with friends – Check

Gear ready for morning – Check

I am ready as I will ever be.   I’ve trained.   I’ve prepared.   I’m ready

I’ve got a plan too.   You know I like a plan.   If said plan works out I will be rocking along to my 4:30.    What’s my plan you ask?

Well my coach thinks that due to the course that a pace specific plan will work best.   Yes, I wasn’t expecting that either, but I like it and it excites me.   Plus, I’m hoping that worrying about keeping on pace will keep my mind occupied.   We all know that running really is a mental game and I’m mental enough to take this challenge on.

Now tonight all I have left to do is take a nice relaxing soak in the tub and get my pace chart ready.

It’s go time!

Good luck to all running and there will be more to the story:):)

 

 

No Regrets

Nov1

5 Days

Yup that’s it.

The taper crazies are not setting in as I’ve got too much going on and could use the time away from running.   That being said, it doesn’t mean that my mind is not going.

I’ve been looking at the course.   I’ve been thinking about my goals.   I’ve been thinking about how far I’ve come and it’s been far.

Very far.

I started this journey just a few short years ago.    I think it’s been 5 years now.   How the time goes.

IMG_2278This is me when I started going to the gym.   When I decided it was time.    When never having even done a 5K, I signed up for my first Sprint Triathlon.    It was during this training that I realized that running wasn’t so bad.    That is was actually something to be enjoyed not just endured.    That I would miss it on days that I didn’t run.  That it would bring people into my life that I adore.   It also taught me that I could accomplish things I could only imagine if I just worked hard enough.

Then I thought about my last marathon (can’t believe I use the word last and not only).    I ran Marine Corps Marathon in 4:38:14.    It was a solid race, but there were things I would have done differently.   There were regrets.

 365840_210208824_XLarge(As a side note, I am only 10 pounds lighter here than in the picture above but look at those solid legs.    Remember the number on the scale can lie)

Now back to the story….

The other day I went out for 6 miles.   I spent a good portion of that run having a pep talk with myself reminding myself how far I’ve come.    I reminded myself that I’ve come even further since MCM.    That I am stronger now.   That I have already proven that I can go the distance.   That this year alone I’ve already run more than  1050 miles and still going strong.  Last year I literally was going out at the end of December to hit 1000.    That I am better trained that I was for MCM.   That I’m stronger and faster.  That I need to run (not walk) away from the NYC Marathon with one thing…

NO REGRETS!

Yes, a little phycing out is a good thing.

I came up with my goal.   A realistic goal according to my coach too.

So what is my goal?

I want to run the NYCM in 4:30.

I’ve got a goal and now I’ve got a plan and don’t see a reason why I can’t reach it either.

No regrets.

As long as I give it all I’ve got.    As long as I don’t give up.   As long as I push to the end.

There will be

NO REGRETS

Let The Games Begin

Oct29

Next week at this time I will hopefully be putting the final touches on what I will need for the NYC Marathon.    Hopefully, I will even be getting ready to sit down to a nice carb loading dinner too.

I’ve finally decided to take my head out of the sand and actually it has been very good.   All this talk about not being excited and admitting the truth of how I’m feeling has been freeing.   Dare I say it, it is even getting my a little excited.

I’m an avoider by nature.   I like to bury my head in the sand and not deal with things.   It’s often my way of dealing with things.    Dealing with things is messy, complicated, and means you actually have to face things.    So by pretending the marathon wasn’t happening, I could just go about my business.

BUT

When I pulled back the curtain, I got wise words of advise and incite from friends.   One friend really knows me well and she may have put the final nail in the coffin why I was feeling the way I was feeling.    It was the real thing that I was avoiding which was NOT the marathon….

My surgery.   See the way, I spoke about my upcoming surgery (getting my thyroid removed) was it’s after the marathon.   So if the marathon happens, by default that means then so is my surgery.    Yes all the other reasons for my non marathon excitement are true, but this was true.    When she asked me about it, it really was like a door was opened.   I heard and knew the truth of her words.    I will have to deal with this, BUT FIRST THE MARATHON.

Then another thing happened, in talking with my coach and friends we started talking about my training and goals.  My one running mama pointed out that the if I want to see the sites of NY, we can take a short road trip to see this and that I can run this race.   I realized something.   I think I actually want to run this thing.   I mean not all out I’m going to die run this thing, but I want to run this and I want to run this well.

I’ve got a lot coming up, but it’s time to be a grown up and face them.    I realize that I want this (the marathon not surgery silly).    I want it bad.    I want to hobble from the finish line of the NYCM knowing that I ran a smart race.   That I ran it to the best of my ability.    That my training was not just to get to the start line, but get my ass to the finish line too.

I’ve got this now.

And thank you to all my real life in person friends who have given me encouragement, kick in the behind, and your wonderful incites.   You are amazing and I’m so lucky to have all of you.

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Turning it Around

Oct28

It’s funny since I  admitted yesterday about the way I’m feeling going into NYC Marathon, I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from real life in person friends.   Their support as always is amazing.    I’ve also been thinking a lot about my reasons why I would feel this way because as I said, I want to be excited.   I really do.

My Coach says that often people do feel this way leading up to something big that they’ve been working on.  I can easily see why that would happen.    I also realized that maybe it’s not so much the Marathon that has me feeling this way, but the fact that my life has been so crazy busy these last few months.   I’ve almost been in survival mode just getting everything done that needs to be done, feeling bad about all the things I’ve been letting slide, and squeezing in my training when I could.    Yes, I know we are all busy.    I know that we all have a million and one things to do, but many of the things that have taken over my life actually have very little to do with my actual life.   My volunteer position  has felt like a full time job and no it’s not a volunteer thing I can give up. It’s getting better, but I’m not there yet.    The funny thing is much of that business will end right before the marathon too.

Lately, it’s  all I can do to get the basics done and maybe not as well as I would like.  I’m guessing this is why I’ve been feeling Meh (my Coach’s word).    Maybe it’s not just about the marathon, but about everything.   I feel like a hamster on the wheel were no matter how fast my legs are spinning, I’m getting no where fast.    It’s hard to get excited about anything when all you can think about is the things that are not getting done.    One task gets completed and there are 5 more waiting to be done.   I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but I wish the tunnel were shorter.

Then when I think I’ve got it all figured out, I realize I don’t.

As with everything, there is more to this.   There is the burden of dealing with people and situations that take a toll on us.   Things that you know are wrong and can’t correct.    People who are hateful just to be hateful and even though you know this it still affects you.   Life does not take place in a bubble and these burdens can sap precious energy even when you build a wall against it.   It still takes effort.   It still saps energy.   It still makes you wish people and things were different..

I’m going to get this figured out.   It’s not like it’s keeping me up at night. (HA)  I mean jeez it’s only 4:00 am as I write this.    I did get a few hours of quality sleep.

Things are going to be different.   I need to refocus on myself, the things in my control, and get this show on the road.   I’m already devising a plan (after some hopeful sleep)

and

For those that personally know me, you know I like a plan:)

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10 DAYS

Oct27

It’s funny, last year my sole focus was on completing the 9 plus 1 to be able to run the New York City Marathon this year.   Now I am in the final stretch.   Literally.   10 days till me and 50,000 of my closest friends stand at the starting line of one of the most iconic marathons ever.

You know what?

I don’t feel like I’ve got the level of excitement that I should.   I’m actually quit passive about it.   I haven’t put any real thought into what I’m wearing, logistics, or even my race plan.   Thankfully I’ve got a plan on how to get to the start line, but really that is only because one of my friends put together a car service for us.   If not, I might still be wondering about that.   So regardless of what I’m wearing, how I’m getting home, or even what my pace is at least I know I will be at the starting line when I should be.

I’m really not sure what is wrong with me.   I’ve been asked by a few people if I’m excited about running and I’m like Eh.   WTF.    The thing is I want to be excited.   I know I should be excited, but I’m just not there yet.   It seems so unreal to me.   Maybe that is part of the problem.

I think another issue is that I have started to think about my goals.   I’ve been thinking about those A, B, and C goals.   I’ve been thinking about how my training has been.   I’ve been thinking about MCM last year.   I’ve been wondering if I will ever be able to break that elusive 4:30 mark.   It doesn’t help that when trying to figure it out, my Garmin gives me what I and anyone who knows me knows this is a bat sh*t crazy prediction finish time.

predictorHere I’m wondering if I can run a 4:30 and this is giving my a Boston Qualifier time for my age group.   This does me no good.

As a side not for those interested, here are the time qualifiers for 2018 marathon from the Boston Athletic Association.

Age Group Men Women
18-34 3hrs 05min 00sec 3hrs 35min 00sec
35-39 3hrs 10min 00sec 3hrs 40min 00sec
40-44 3hrs 15min 00sec 3hrs 45min 00sec
45-49 3hrs 25min 00sec 3hrs 55min 00sec
50-54 3hrs 30min 00sec 4hrs 00min 00sec
55-59 3hrs 40min 00sec 4hrs 10min 00sec
60-64 3hrs 55min 00sec 4hrs 25min 00sec
65-69 4hrs 10min 00sec 4hrs 40min 00sec
70-74 4hrs 25min 00sec 4hrs 55min 00sec
75-79 4hrs 40min 00sec 5hrs 10min 00sec
80 and over 4hrs 55min 00sec 5hrs 25min 00se

Anyway, I know that I am not a Boston Qualifier.  I don’t really understand how the Garmin comes up with their predictions because they are all way off.   I’ve got two road marathon’s under my  belt, one trail marathon, and let’s not forget the 50K.   I know that I can go the distance.   What I’m starting to wonder though if mentally I can push myself enough when it gets hard.   And it does get hard.   Very hard.   I have a tendency to be too nice to myself during a race.   It is supposed to be hard.   I am supposed to push myself and now I’m wondering how far I should push.   I don’t want to crash and burn, but I don’t want to hobble away after the race thinking that I could have done more.

No, not 3:50 more, but at least 4:30.

I guess it is getting real now.  I think that is why there is no excitement, because where there should be excitement there is doubt and a fear of failure.

fear

As I like to say….

It’s go time.

Time to put all these doubts, fears, and anything else that’s holding me back to bed.   Time to move forward confident in my training, in my coach, and in my abilities.

Easier said than done, but it’s time to try.

What’s holding you back?