It’s funny since I  admitted yesterday about the way I’m feeling going into NYC Marathon, I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from real life in person friends.   Their support as always is amazing.    I’ve also been thinking a lot about my reasons why I would feel this way because as I said, I want to be excited.   I really do.

My Coach says that often people do feel this way leading up to something big that they’ve been working on.  I can easily see why that would happen.    I also realized that maybe it’s not so much the Marathon that has me feeling this way, but the fact that my life has been so crazy busy these last few months.   I’ve almost been in survival mode just getting everything done that needs to be done, feeling bad about all the things I’ve been letting slide, and squeezing in my training when I could.    Yes, I know we are all busy.    I know that we all have a million and one things to do, but many of the things that have taken over my life actually have very little to do with my actual life.   My volunteer position  has felt like a full time job and no it’s not a volunteer thing I can give up. It’s getting better, but I’m not there yet.    The funny thing is much of that business will end right before the marathon too.

Lately, it’s  all I can do to get the basics done and maybe not as well as I would like.  I’m guessing this is why I’ve been feeling Meh (my Coach’s word).    Maybe it’s not just about the marathon, but about everything.   I feel like a hamster on the wheel were no matter how fast my legs are spinning, I’m getting no where fast.    It’s hard to get excited about anything when all you can think about is the things that are not getting done.    One task gets completed and there are 5 more waiting to be done.   I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but I wish the tunnel were shorter.

Then when I think I’ve got it all figured out, I realize I don’t.

As with everything, there is more to this.   There is the burden of dealing with people and situations that take a toll on us.   Things that you know are wrong and can’t correct.    People who are hateful just to be hateful and even though you know this it still affects you.   Life does not take place in a bubble and these burdens can sap precious energy even when you build a wall against it.   It still takes effort.   It still saps energy.   It still makes you wish people and things were different..

I’m going to get this figured out.   It’s not like it’s keeping me up at night. (HA)  I mean jeez it’s only 4:00 am as I write this.    I did get a few hours of quality sleep.

Things are going to be different.   I need to refocus on myself, the things in my control, and get this show on the road.   I’m already devising a plan (after some hopeful sleep)

and

For those that personally know me, you know I like a plan:)