It’s funny, last year my sole focus was on completing the 9 plus 1 to be able to run the New York City Marathon this year. Now I am in the final stretch. Literally. 10 days till me and 50,000 of my closest friends stand at the starting line of one of the most iconic marathons ever.
You know what?
I don’t feel like I’ve got the level of excitement that I should. I’m actually quit passive about it. I haven’t put any real thought into what I’m wearing, logistics, or even my race plan. Thankfully I’ve got a plan on how to get to the start line, but really that is only because one of my friends put together a car service for us. If not, I might still be wondering about that. So regardless of what I’m wearing, how I’m getting home, or even what my pace is at least I know I will be at the starting line when I should be.
I’m really not sure what is wrong with me. I’ve been asked by a few people if I’m excited about running and I’m like Eh. WTF. The thing is I want to be excited. I know I should be excited, but I’m just not there yet. It seems so unreal to me. Maybe that is part of the problem.
I think another issue is that I have started to think about my goals. I’ve been thinking about those A, B, and C goals. I’ve been thinking about how my training has been. I’ve been thinking about MCM last year. I’ve been wondering if I will ever be able to break that elusive 4:30 mark. It doesn’t help that when trying to figure it out, my Garmin gives me what I and anyone who knows me knows this is a bat sh*t crazy prediction finish time.
Here I’m wondering if I can run a 4:30 and this is giving my a Boston Qualifier time for my age group. This does me no good.
As a side not for those interested, here are the time qualifiers for 2018 marathon from the Boston Athletic Association.
|18-34||3hrs 05min 00sec||3hrs 35min 00sec|
|35-39||3hrs 10min 00sec||3hrs 40min 00sec|
|40-44||3hrs 15min 00sec||3hrs 45min 00sec|
|45-49||3hrs 25min 00sec||3hrs 55min 00sec|
|50-54||3hrs 30min 00sec||4hrs 00min 00sec|
|55-59||3hrs 40min 00sec||4hrs 10min 00sec|
|60-64||3hrs 55min 00sec||4hrs 25min 00sec|
|65-69||4hrs 10min 00sec||4hrs 40min 00sec|
|70-74||4hrs 25min 00sec||4hrs 55min 00sec|
|75-79||4hrs 40min 00sec||5hrs 10min 00sec|
|80 and over||4hrs 55min 00sec||5hrs 25min 00se|
Anyway, I know that I am not a Boston Qualifier. I don’t really understand how the Garmin comes up with their predictions because they are all way off. I’ve got two road marathon’s under my belt, one trail marathon, and let’s not forget the 50K. I know that I can go the distance. What I’m starting to wonder though if mentally I can push myself enough when it gets hard. And it does get hard. Very hard. I have a tendency to be too nice to myself during a race. It is supposed to be hard. I am supposed to push myself and now I’m wondering how far I should push. I don’t want to crash and burn, but I don’t want to hobble away after the race thinking that I could have done more.
No, not 3:50 more, but at least 4:30.
I guess it is getting real now. I think that is why there is no excitement, because where there should be excitement there is doubt and a fear of failure.
As I like to say….
It’s go time.
Time to put all these doubts, fears, and anything else that’s holding me back to bed. Time to move forward confident in my training, in my coach, and in my abilities.
Easier said than done, but it’s time to try.
What’s holding you back?