Nothing to Prove; Nothing to Loose

Jan26

Ok this isn’t entirely true.  As with millions of others, I do have a little bit to loose after the holidays.   Who after indulging all through the holiday’s didn’t notice their buttons on their jeans a little harder to snap?   Come on, hands in the air!

Although not counting calories nor going on a diet as I hate those things, I am making better choices.   Getting back to adding more fruits, veggies, and better meals into my weeks.   That being said, if I want to have french toast with whipped cream and banana foster I will.

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I did.

I still think that once I’m back into my new running/exercise routine things will fall back into place.  NO you can’t exercise away a bad diet, nor is it a good idea to train and run a marathon on crap food.   So as I start fueling with better things, I start running more miles, and I start adding cross training the jeans will start to feel better:)   I went to the doctors yesterday and got on the dreaded scale.   I’ve got my reality check.   I go back in two months, so I will know how things are going.    It’s called eating for life.

I’m getting energized about my exercise plan too.   Too often many of us do nothing but run.   I am pretty guilty of this.   But there is more to training than running.   I know, scandalous.    I’ve just finished reading Mastering the Marathon, Time-Efficient Training Secrets for the 40-plus Athlete.   Well that’s me!   Had a lot of great information.   One of the things that I really am going to embrace is the use of brick workouts.  I have decided for the NJ Marathon, my goal is not a specific time goal.   This will make training a lot less stressful and allow me a lot of wiggle room.   My goal will be to finish and finish well.   Since this is the first marathon where I am 100% on my own for my training, I would like to use this training time as a way to find out what works for me.   I am going to try different things – brick work outs, possibly less miles since I will be doing brick workouts, and lots of cross training.   Then I plan to take the things that I learn from NJ and take that to my Chicago training.

Living

Learing

Moving on

 

Pushing on

Jan18

Starting is hard.   Starting over is just as hard.

Really.

Yes, the first time you try something it is hard.   But the beauty is that there are no expectations.   Your going to give it a shot and see what happens.   Your expectations are just to do the best you can and get the job done.   It is hard.  It is painful.   There are doubts.   The trick is just to keep pushing on.

The problem with coming back from an injury or a break is that you have expectations.   You know what your body is or was capable of doing.   You remember how something that is so difficult now was easy just a few months ago.   It is hard.   It is painful.   There are doubts.   The trick is just to keep pushing on.

It’s been a few weeks now.    It is amazing to me how quickly the body falls apart (ok not really, but it feels that way).   It is amazing how something that took years to develop can feel like it disappears in a matter of months.    I’ve been happy that I have been getting out and getting some runs in.I’ve been steady.   I’ve been lucky that I’ve got a great group of friends to get out the door with.  I will say that I that my goal for right now is just to slowly and steadily build up.   Yes, I know that technically I am in marathon training now, BUT….

My goal right now is just to start back strong.    To come back smart.   The longest run I’ve done yet this year is 5 miles and I’ve only had one of them.   I walk when I feel I need to, but even then I keep the watch going.   I want to keep track of my real progress.   You know what?   Considering I’m coming back from 2 months of no running or any activity, I think I’m doing ok.   As of now, I am not putting any pressure on for the NJ Marathon.   I am happy that I am registered, because that is helping to get me out the door.   Come April I will be ready.   I may not be ready for the elusive 4:30, but I will be able to get the job done.

Right now, my goal is to run 4 days a week with 2 cross training days and one full sit on my behind rest day.   I’m still working out the schedule, but that seems like a good enough plan for right now.   As the weeks go by and I regain some of my former aerobic level and don’t feel like I’m not going to die while I’m out for a run then it will be time to revisit and revise.   This seems like a reasonable goal and plan.   Each run sucks just a little less and I actually did do one 3 mile run at a brisk pace.   So I’ll take it.

I think the trick weather your just starting out, coming back, or just going through a rough patch is just to keep pushing through.   Really what choice do you have?    If you stop then what are you left with?   Regrets and we all know how much they suck.  So I guess that means I will just keep on pushing on.

fit-stop-giving-up

What is the longest break you had before coming back?

 

Fake it Till You Feel it?

Jan7

My new expression really seems to be…..

I’m just not feeling it.

So true.

I know I need to get running again.   This week I actually did start.   I’m proud to say that I went out for 3 three mile runs.    They were not fast.   They were not pretty, but they were all in a different season.   The first one was on a nice day.   The second one it was a cold rain.   Then the last one was run on a cold day with snow covering the ground.   That should count for something.

I guess it does, but

I’m so not feeling it.

Last month I had signed up for a 10K trail race.   I was smart enough to know that I would not be ready for more than that.   I realized that really I wasn’t even ready for that.   I’m sure that I could have gone out and got it done.    I’ve done crazier things than that in the past.    Like last year at this same race I ran what I refer to as a surprise marathon.   I was feeling it.   I had the drive.

Today and most days right now….

I’m not feeling it.

not-feeling-it

It’s more than my running too.   It’s just the way I feel right now about most things.    I’m not sure if it’s hormonal.   I’m not sure if it is the medicine’s that I’ve been taking.   I’m not sure if is the lower calcium levels that I’ve been fighting.   I’m just not sure.   I just know that I have not been myself.   I’ve been going through the motions like everyone else, but my heart has just not been in it like normal.    I’m normally a happy go lucky kind of person and I know this just isn’t me.   I’m working on it though.

I have always heard that recognizing there is a problem is the first step.   I recognize that I’m just not myself and will talk to my doctor about it.

In the meantime, I’m going to continue with the fake it till you feel it mentality.   Besides whether I like it or not, I really am officially entering marathon training.   I will go through the motions until I find the joy that I normally get not just from running but life in general.

This weekend I plan to look at marathon training plans.   I do not plan to follow one to the letter T, but I do want to figure out which one I will use as a general guideline.   This marathon will be interesting.   My first big race back running after surgery.    My first race that I will be in charge of my training.    I think I will like the flexibility of it even if I won’t be as prepared as in the past.   Who knows….. I may surprise myself.

What plan do you follow for marathon training?

 

 

Time to Get Going

Jan1

You know what they say

when-the-going-gets-tough

Well I already know from life experience that  I’m pretty tough.   So it is time to get going.  That being said, I will be honest.   I almost didn’t get out the door today.   I’m out of habit.   I’m out of shape and my couch was just too comfy.   Luckily, I had made plans to run with a friend and she texted about going out for our run.  Hard to say I just want to sit on the couch when your friend is texting and your 10 year old is saying “Run Forest Run.”

Out the door I went.

It wasn’t really that pretty.   I have definitely lost stamina while more than likely increasing mass, but I’m not getting on a scale to verify.   No more negative splits.

You know what?

I’m actually ok with that.

You know why?

I’m running again.

It is going to take time to build a base again.   I’m also right where I want to be.   I’ve got 4 months to build back up for the NJ Marathon.   Perfect timing and incentive to get going.

I’ve got this.

 

Moving Forward While Sitting Still

Dec28

When I wrote my last post about taking the rest of the year off, I really did not know what type of feedback that I would get.   I mean this is a running blog.   I have a lot of amazing running friends.    And again, this is a running blog….

Guess what?

I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback and nothing negative.   Now this is not to say that people may not have thought, “What the heck is she doing and she’s an idiot.”   If they felt that way, they didn’t say it.  As I said before, I know that I will pay the price for time off my feet.   It is a price that I am more than willing to take though.

Sometimes we put so much internal pressure on ourselves just because we think that we should be doing XYZ and for what?   I know for me, I am not someone who will ever win a race.   I’m not going to ever be a Boston Qualifier.   At this point, I’m not even sure if I will ever get the elusive 4:30 marathon time I’ve been chasing.   This is all internal.   There is no one yelling at me to go faster, work harder, or run further.   To be honest, I think my hubby might like this little break that I’m on even if like me he knows its only temporary.

The end of the year is normal a reflective time for many of us not just about our fitness goals but life in general.   For those of us just coming off of fall marathon season, it is also a time to reflect how our performance measured up to the reality of the race.     This then can add to the pressure.   I’m going to be reflecting on those goals and seeing what if any goals to make for 2017.

I’ll be honest……   As happy as I was to finish NYCM, it was my worst finish time for a marathon for a whole host of reasons I’ve already discussed.   Anyway in my mind, I had dreamed that NY would be the best marathon (time wise) that I would or have ever run.   That is not the reality.  Even though it has been my favorite marathon and I love it, time wise it didn’t measure up.  I didn’t measure up.   Running a marathon takes a toll not just on the body which it beats up pretty badly, but it also takes a toll on the mind.    So just as the body needs a break to recover from running, the mind needs a break from it too.

I was texting a friend who contacted me about my last blog post.    She was saying how she had dreamed about running NY here whole life and although she finished, she was not happy with her time either.   Since the marathon, she has been pushing herself with her miles and paces.   The thing is…….    No matter what she does now, it will not change the outcome of the marathon.   As I told her though, just finishing is honestly an amazing accomplishment.    As another saying goes, if running a marathon was easy; everyone would do it.   As true as that statement is, it does not necessarily make it better though.   That being said, as with everything in life you must make peace with the past.   Our marathon times are in the past.    We can’t go back and change them and the would of, could of, and should of’s in life will drive you nuts.   So it is time to more forward.

Life is about redemption.   Moving forward.   The past is important.   Lessons should be learned and with any luck mistakes will not be repeated.

There are other races even the same ones if we choose.

There is also time.    Time may not heal all wounds ( I think that is the biggest misconception), but it does make things easier.     And no amount of running today will change races already run.   There will be a time to decide on what paces, distances, and races to run but today is not that day.     Next year’s races are just that.

Next year….

2017

 

No Guilt Required

Dec26

I’m experiencing Christmas hangover and the holiday’s aren’t even over.   One thing that I did decide though is that I am officially taking the rest of the year off from running.   Not that I’ve been doing any running lately, but I’ve made the executive decision not to feel like I should be running.

No guilt required.

The opposite of streaking.

The I’m not going anywhere streak.

I’ve hit 1100 miles for the year.

I’m good.

Besides..

I’ve been thinking about what I want to do when I do start back up and how I want to start.     I’ve been running almost 3 years with no break and I will say this break has been nice with the exception of not running off all these Christmas cookies, candies, and food calories.   I can tell too because somehow my jeans did shrink slightly.   I’m still not running though.   I plan to just keep on indulging now and pay for it later.

And I will pay.

I realized this when I went out for my first real run last week (before I decided to not run til January 1rs).    I went out for about 3 miles.   My average pace was 11:19, but that doesn’t actually tell the story….

run

What this doesn’t tell is that even with this short run I was slightly windy and even sore the next day.   3 miles used to be just a blip for me, but I will have to build back up.   This is one of the reasons that I am taking the rest of the year off.   I don’t want to be sore for Winter Break.   I don’t want to stress to squeeze in a run.   And finally, I want to build back up not haphazardly but with somewhat of plan or at least some thought.

I also want to add more cross training into my running plan.   I might go back to a swimming class for the winter.   It’s a great cross training for running being low impact with a really good cardio workout.    I would also love to add some yoga and weight training.   I just have to see how and when I can add these in as soon it is going to be time to start training for my spring marathon, but I first need to regain what I’ve lost since the NY Marathon which is when I really last ran long:)

So like most of the people I know, I will say that I’m going start running in the New year.

I’m looking forward to it as much as I’m looking forward to enjoying this next week off!

What do you resolve to do more of in the New Year?

all

Like Starting Over

Dec14

The name of my blog is truly reflective of how I discovered my love for running.    I only ran because I needed to for my one and done triathlon.   Yes there have been more than one at this point, but I didn’t know that at the time.    By the time I finished the Couch to 5K program, I realized that I couldn’t imagine not running.

But today was different.   It was no accident that I laced up.   It was a choice.  It was like starting over……

That’s because it really is starting from square one.  Ok, maybe not square one but I am certainly not where I was a month ago which is about how long it was since I have run.   I’m excited to start over.   I have more knowledge than when I accidentally started.   I can go into this with some thought and maybe not as clumsily.    That being said, toady…

It was slow

It was hard.

It was short.

There was heavy breathing

But….

There was joy.

There was excitement.

There was knowledge that I can do this.

   I am not looking at this as what I have lost, because the body and muscles know what to do.   The lungs quest for working hard.   This is a new beginning.

This is stating over and it is a wonderful thing.

Today it was only a mile and a half and a slow pace of 11:15.   I think it was the right distance and I know it was the right pace.   It felt great to be out there again.

One day at a time.

One run at a time.

 

Lucky, Lucky, Lucky Me

Dec13

My Mom is a very lucky woman.   Really she is.    The first time she went to a casino which wasn’t till she was in her mid 40’s, she put a few coins in a slot machine and all the bells started to go off.    This was repeated many times like almost every time she goes to the point that the one time it didn’t happen she was confused.   She also has the same type of luck with lottery tickets.   Never hitting big, but always just enough at just the right time.

It’s funny because the other day she was at my house showing my family her latest Christmas Scratch off where she won $400.   Perfect, right before Christmas.    My hubby was joking that as much as I’m like my mother why couldn’t I have her luck when it came to lotteries.    Then I realized that I do just not the lotteries that pay you cash.

Seriously.

I threw my name into the Marine Corps Marathon just on a lark.   Actually forgot about it.

Got in.

After the New York City Marathon which I got in with 9 plus 1 on the runner’s high I threw my name into the Chicago Marathon lottery.   Really not expecting much as only half get in.   I thought the odds were worse than that till I looked this morning.   Again forgot about it until a friend texted me to ask if I got an email.

chicago

Got in.

How does this keep happening to me?    Yes, I know it happens because I keep putting my name into these things but I really never expect to get in.   Never.

So I realized this morning, that I do have my mother’s luck.   I think my hubby would prefer if I had different lottery luck, but for a runner this isn’t a bad kind of lottery luck to have.

So apparently, I will be running Chicago.

I might need to start running again for this to happen though:)

Don’t worry, I’m on it!

 

Why Not?

Dec6

So things are looking up.    After changing my medication and going for only 3 blood tests last week, my calcium level now falls into only “moderately low.”    That is opposed to the “if it goes any lower we are going to need to infuse you with calcium via a iv.”   So I will take the moderately low but better counts.    Things must be looking up because I have only gone for one blood test this week and will only go for one more.   I can feel that I’m on the upswing.

calcium-1xs87cq

That being said, I do know that weather it be the medicine I’m taking to improve my calcium that I’m just not “right” yet. I’m taking a medicine in conjunction with the 8 calcium pills a day that helps your body absorb the calcium.   Good times.    It is all tied with my calcium because my other levels are fine.   Today is a perfect example of not being on my  A game.   After taking kids to school, I met a friend for coffee.    By the time, I got home I was exhausted to the point that I actually climbed back into bed and took a short nap.  This is a big adjustment for someone who was running 40 miles a week and now hasn’t even gone around the block in 3 weeks or so.   I will get there, but this will take time.

That being said, I also know that Christmas is just around the corner.   There is baking to be done.   Gingerbread houses and marshmallows to be made.   There are presents to be bought, wrapped, and put under the tree which has yet to be brought home.   So I am not going to push it.   I love Christmas more than I love running.   Yes, I went there.

My running friends and I already have a plan how to get back in the game.   We all know that there really is no point in stressing out now, so come January we are all back in.   NO, this is NOT a resolution.   This is just giving ourselves time to not stress out about our running and we know our running shoes will be waiting for us come January 2nd because whose ready to run on the 1rst.    Besides by this time, I think I will be totally back on track.   Every day I’m feeling better.   Yes, I still can tell my calcium is low with slight tingles now in the face when it’s getting low.   This is a marked improvement from having fingers that clench up and muscles cramps.   One day at a time.

Now, we all know that I need motivation.   My one running friend is doing a half in April that she convinced me would be a good idea to sign up to run.   I was admit that I would not sign up for any races, but I thought maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.   Here’s the thing…. I’m nuts.   I admit it.   I go to the site and instead of clicking half, I register for the full.    But wait, I can explain….

As I told my friend, I don’t want to sound obnoxious.    I know it will come off that way, but considering I just ran a marathon less than a month ago signing up for just the half did not seem like it would challenge me enough.   I also thought about it (yes, very briefly but more since I signed up).   I am going to run and train for this marathon on my own terms.    I have run a few marathons now.    This is supposedly a nice flat course which really means nothing for 26 miles as it’s still 26 miles.   That being said, this will be the first marathon that I train on my own.  No Coach.   Before, I come up with a plan (you know I like plans) I will see where I am in my health, what I think I can do come April, and decide what I will train for.   I will then train, but I want to train with flexibility.    This does not mean that I will go easy on myself but I think I want to do this on my own this time.   It will be a learning experience and life is about learning and living.

So there you have it………

I’m running the NJ Marathon.

Why Not?

 

 

Down but NOT Out

Nov26

Patience

I’ve had surgery before.   I was prepared for that.    I know how to recovery from surgery and even though I’ve been told I’m a bad patient I think I’m a pretty good one.   I take my meds when I’m supposed to.   I’ve had more energy after having c-sections than I have after this procedure.   This I wasn’t prepared for.   I figured that I would bounce back to my normal self within a week.   Well it’s been a week and I’m not there yet.

For the most part I feel ok.   I’ve still got some soreness in my neck from the incision.   But there is more than that.   I’ve had some muscle pain in my shoulders and neck maybe from the way I’m holding my head.    Who knows?   Then there is the tingles, muscle spasms in the hand where my pointer finger locked up and I couldn’t bend it.   Didn’t last long but was freaky.   I want to feel like my normal self again.

I haven’t even  been doing much of anything.   To be honest, I’m not really ready to do much anyway.   I woke up today at 10:30 and by 2:30 I was ready for and took a nap.     This is not me and I don’t like it one bit.   Not at all.   Not to say that I haven’t been known to take an afternoon siesta on occasion, but this is different.    When I asked for advice, I was told rightly so that the body needs time to recovery from the trauma of surgery.   To think of how much energy it takes to recover from the flu and that one week really isn’t that much time.   I get this but patience really has never been my strong suit.   You might even say I’m an impatient person.

Add to the fact that this is my favorite time of year and I don’t feel like doing anything.   Although, I was very proactive and decorated my house presurgery so I do have that going for me.   I just thought that I would be back.

Today was the town Turkey Trot and as much as I loved seeing everyone’s photos, it did sting a little.   In my mind, I knew I wouldn’t be up to running it but my heart didn’t know it.   I’m also wondering what it is going to be like when I do finally get those running shoes back on.   Actually, I’m not even thinking of running.  (ok, I am).   I think that I will start with a walk.    That being said, I worry about how far and how fast I will be able to run once I get back out there.   It’s a concern.

A running friend who last year had the same procedure said that it will take time to make sure that I find the right dosage for my hormone levels.   I get that.   I just don’t like it.   Then I remind myself of the following:

  1.   In the whole scheme of things, this is nothing.
  2.  I’m very lucky that I have a supportive family/friends who are taking care of me
  3. That this is temporary
  4. People are dealing with much worse.

So it is all good, but I think I’m allowed and it is good to recognize the truth of how I’m feeling.

I may be down, but I’m not out….