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Like Starting Over

Dec14

The name of my blog is truly reflective of how I discovered my love for running.    I only ran because I needed to for my one and done triathlon.   Yes there have been more than one at this point, but I didn’t know that at the time.    By the time I finished the Couch to 5K program, I realized that I couldn’t imagine not running.

But today was different.   It was no accident that I laced up.   It was a choice.  It was like starting over……

That’s because it really is starting from square one.  Ok, maybe not square one but I am certainly not where I was a month ago which is about how long it was since I have run.   I’m excited to start over.   I have more knowledge than when I accidentally started.   I can go into this with some thought and maybe not as clumsily.    That being said, toady…

It was slow

It was hard.

It was short.

There was heavy breathing

But….

There was joy.

There was excitement.

There was knowledge that I can do this.

   I am not looking at this as what I have lost, because the body and muscles know what to do.   The lungs quest for working hard.   This is a new beginning.

This is stating over and it is a wonderful thing.

Today it was only a mile and a half and a slow pace of 11:15.   I think it was the right distance and I know it was the right pace.   It felt great to be out there again.

One day at a time.

One run at a time.

 

Why Not?

Dec6

So things are looking up.    After changing my medication and going for only 3 blood tests last week, my calcium level now falls into only “moderately low.”    That is opposed to the “if it goes any lower we are going to need to infuse you with calcium via a iv.”   So I will take the moderately low but better counts.    Things must be looking up because I have only gone for one blood test this week and will only go for one more.   I can feel that I’m on the upswing.

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That being said, I do know that weather it be the medicine I’m taking to improve my calcium that I’m just not “right” yet. I’m taking a medicine in conjunction with the 8 calcium pills a day that helps your body absorb the calcium.   Good times.    It is all tied with my calcium because my other levels are fine.   Today is a perfect example of not being on my  A game.   After taking kids to school, I met a friend for coffee.    By the time, I got home I was exhausted to the point that I actually climbed back into bed and took a short nap.  This is a big adjustment for someone who was running 40 miles a week and now hasn’t even gone around the block in 3 weeks or so.   I will get there, but this will take time.

That being said, I also know that Christmas is just around the corner.   There is baking to be done.   Gingerbread houses and marshmallows to be made.   There are presents to be bought, wrapped, and put under the tree which has yet to be brought home.   So I am not going to push it.   I love Christmas more than I love running.   Yes, I went there.

My running friends and I already have a plan how to get back in the game.   We all know that there really is no point in stressing out now, so come January we are all back in.   NO, this is NOT a resolution.   This is just giving ourselves time to not stress out about our running and we know our running shoes will be waiting for us come January 2nd because whose ready to run on the 1rst.    Besides by this time, I think I will be totally back on track.   Every day I’m feeling better.   Yes, I still can tell my calcium is low with slight tingles now in the face when it’s getting low.   This is a marked improvement from having fingers that clench up and muscles cramps.   One day at a time.

Now, we all know that I need motivation.   My one running friend is doing a half in April that she convinced me would be a good idea to sign up to run.   I was admit that I would not sign up for any races, but I thought maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.   Here’s the thing…. I’m nuts.   I admit it.   I go to the site and instead of clicking half, I register for the full.    But wait, I can explain….

As I told my friend, I don’t want to sound obnoxious.    I know it will come off that way, but considering I just ran a marathon less than a month ago signing up for just the half did not seem like it would challenge me enough.   I also thought about it (yes, very briefly but more since I signed up).   I am going to run and train for this marathon on my own terms.    I have run a few marathons now.    This is supposedly a nice flat course which really means nothing for 26 miles as it’s still 26 miles.   That being said, this will be the first marathon that I train on my own.  No Coach.   Before, I come up with a plan (you know I like plans) I will see where I am in my health, what I think I can do come April, and decide what I will train for.   I will then train, but I want to train with flexibility.    This does not mean that I will go easy on myself but I think I want to do this on my own this time.   It will be a learning experience and life is about learning and living.

So there you have it………

I’m running the NJ Marathon.

Why Not?

 

 

Recovery, Recovery, and Recover Some More

Nov18

Yes, I know that I’ve been off the grid.   I’ll be off for a little longer too.

I have only done two runs post marathon.   I will say that I felt really good on them.   Especially the 6 miles that I got to run on the trails.   Yeah for trails!   My happy place.    It was just what I needed too.

Training for a marathon is tough.   By the end, just about everyone I know is sick of not running but training – needing to run certain miles, needing to hit certain pace, and the time it takes.     Somehow though once the finish line is crossed, you realize not only how worth all that training was but that you would do it all over again!

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No questions.

Any day.

I, on my runners high, decided to put in for the Chicago marathon lottery just a few short days after running NY.    No not crazy.   Just on a runner’s high.  Besides I think the odd of me actually getting in our slim to non since I used up my lottery luck on Marine Corps Marathon.   That being said, it would be really cool to get in.

Now even on my runner’s high, I am not immune to how hard I pushed my body nor how much it needed a break.

So a break I took.

A break I am getting.

It doesn’t hurt that I’m having surgery today.   So I will be forced to take more of a break than I’ve probably taken in 3 years.

But I’ll be back….

Actually, I’m not going anywhere.   I’ll keep you posted.

No Regrets

Nov1

5 Days

Yup that’s it.

The taper crazies are not setting in as I’ve got too much going on and could use the time away from running.   That being said, it doesn’t mean that my mind is not going.

I’ve been looking at the course.   I’ve been thinking about my goals.   I’ve been thinking about how far I’ve come and it’s been far.

Very far.

I started this journey just a few short years ago.    I think it’s been 5 years now.   How the time goes.

IMG_2278This is me when I started going to the gym.   When I decided it was time.    When never having even done a 5K, I signed up for my first Sprint Triathlon.    It was during this training that I realized that running wasn’t so bad.    That is was actually something to be enjoyed not just endured.    That I would miss it on days that I didn’t run.  That it would bring people into my life that I adore.   It also taught me that I could accomplish things I could only imagine if I just worked hard enough.

Then I thought about my last marathon (can’t believe I use the word last and not only).    I ran Marine Corps Marathon in 4:38:14.    It was a solid race, but there were things I would have done differently.   There were regrets.

 365840_210208824_XLarge(As a side note, I am only 10 pounds lighter here than in the picture above but look at those solid legs.    Remember the number on the scale can lie)

Now back to the story….

The other day I went out for 6 miles.   I spent a good portion of that run having a pep talk with myself reminding myself how far I’ve come.    I reminded myself that I’ve come even further since MCM.    That I am stronger now.   That I have already proven that I can go the distance.   That this year alone I’ve already run more than  1050 miles and still going strong.  Last year I literally was going out at the end of December to hit 1000.    That I am better trained that I was for MCM.   That I’m stronger and faster.  That I need to run (not walk) away from the NYC Marathon with one thing…

NO REGRETS!

Yes, a little phycing out is a good thing.

I came up with my goal.   A realistic goal according to my coach too.

So what is my goal?

I want to run the NYCM in 4:30.

I’ve got a goal and now I’ve got a plan and don’t see a reason why I can’t reach it either.

No regrets.

As long as I give it all I’ve got.    As long as I don’t give up.   As long as I push to the end.

There will be

NO REGRETS

Turning it Around

Oct28

It’s funny since I  admitted yesterday about the way I’m feeling going into NYC Marathon, I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from real life in person friends.   Their support as always is amazing.    I’ve also been thinking a lot about my reasons why I would feel this way because as I said, I want to be excited.   I really do.

My Coach says that often people do feel this way leading up to something big that they’ve been working on.  I can easily see why that would happen.    I also realized that maybe it’s not so much the Marathon that has me feeling this way, but the fact that my life has been so crazy busy these last few months.   I’ve almost been in survival mode just getting everything done that needs to be done, feeling bad about all the things I’ve been letting slide, and squeezing in my training when I could.    Yes, I know we are all busy.    I know that we all have a million and one things to do, but many of the things that have taken over my life actually have very little to do with my actual life.   My volunteer position  has felt like a full time job and no it’s not a volunteer thing I can give up. It’s getting better, but I’m not there yet.    The funny thing is much of that business will end right before the marathon too.

Lately, it’s  all I can do to get the basics done and maybe not as well as I would like.  I’m guessing this is why I’ve been feeling Meh (my Coach’s word).    Maybe it’s not just about the marathon, but about everything.   I feel like a hamster on the wheel were no matter how fast my legs are spinning, I’m getting no where fast.    It’s hard to get excited about anything when all you can think about is the things that are not getting done.    One task gets completed and there are 5 more waiting to be done.   I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but I wish the tunnel were shorter.

Then when I think I’ve got it all figured out, I realize I don’t.

As with everything, there is more to this.   There is the burden of dealing with people and situations that take a toll on us.   Things that you know are wrong and can’t correct.    People who are hateful just to be hateful and even though you know this it still affects you.   Life does not take place in a bubble and these burdens can sap precious energy even when you build a wall against it.   It still takes effort.   It still saps energy.   It still makes you wish people and things were different..

I’m going to get this figured out.   It’s not like it’s keeping me up at night. (HA)  I mean jeez it’s only 4:00 am as I write this.    I did get a few hours of quality sleep.

Things are going to be different.   I need to refocus on myself, the things in my control, and get this show on the road.   I’m already devising a plan (after some hopeful sleep)

and

For those that personally know me, you know I like a plan:)

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10 DAYS

Oct27

It’s funny, last year my sole focus was on completing the 9 plus 1 to be able to run the New York City Marathon this year.   Now I am in the final stretch.   Literally.   10 days till me and 50,000 of my closest friends stand at the starting line of one of the most iconic marathons ever.

You know what?

I don’t feel like I’ve got the level of excitement that I should.   I’m actually quit passive about it.   I haven’t put any real thought into what I’m wearing, logistics, or even my race plan.   Thankfully I’ve got a plan on how to get to the start line, but really that is only because one of my friends put together a car service for us.   If not, I might still be wondering about that.   So regardless of what I’m wearing, how I’m getting home, or even what my pace is at least I know I will be at the starting line when I should be.

I’m really not sure what is wrong with me.   I’ve been asked by a few people if I’m excited about running and I’m like Eh.   WTF.    The thing is I want to be excited.   I know I should be excited, but I’m just not there yet.   It seems so unreal to me.   Maybe that is part of the problem.

I think another issue is that I have started to think about my goals.   I’ve been thinking about those A, B, and C goals.   I’ve been thinking about how my training has been.   I’ve been thinking about MCM last year.   I’ve been wondering if I will ever be able to break that elusive 4:30 mark.   It doesn’t help that when trying to figure it out, my Garmin gives me what I and anyone who knows me knows this is a bat sh*t crazy prediction finish time.

predictorHere I’m wondering if I can run a 4:30 and this is giving my a Boston Qualifier time for my age group.   This does me no good.

As a side not for those interested, here are the time qualifiers for 2018 marathon from the Boston Athletic Association.

Age Group Men Women
18-34 3hrs 05min 00sec 3hrs 35min 00sec
35-39 3hrs 10min 00sec 3hrs 40min 00sec
40-44 3hrs 15min 00sec 3hrs 45min 00sec
45-49 3hrs 25min 00sec 3hrs 55min 00sec
50-54 3hrs 30min 00sec 4hrs 00min 00sec
55-59 3hrs 40min 00sec 4hrs 10min 00sec
60-64 3hrs 55min 00sec 4hrs 25min 00sec
65-69 4hrs 10min 00sec 4hrs 40min 00sec
70-74 4hrs 25min 00sec 4hrs 55min 00sec
75-79 4hrs 40min 00sec 5hrs 10min 00sec
80 and over 4hrs 55min 00sec 5hrs 25min 00se

Anyway, I know that I am not a Boston Qualifier.  I don’t really understand how the Garmin comes up with their predictions because they are all way off.   I’ve got two road marathon’s under my  belt, one trail marathon, and let’s not forget the 50K.   I know that I can go the distance.   What I’m starting to wonder though if mentally I can push myself enough when it gets hard.   And it does get hard.   Very hard.   I have a tendency to be too nice to myself during a race.   It is supposed to be hard.   I am supposed to push myself and now I’m wondering how far I should push.   I don’t want to crash and burn, but I don’t want to hobble away after the race thinking that I could have done more.

No, not 3:50 more, but at least 4:30.

I guess it is getting real now.  I think that is why there is no excitement, because where there should be excitement there is doubt and a fear of failure.

fear

As I like to say….

It’s go time.

Time to put all these doubts, fears, and anything else that’s holding me back to bed.   Time to move forward confident in my training, in my coach, and in my abilities.

Easier said than done, but it’s time to try.

What’s holding you back?

Run and Run Some More.

Oct17

You can’t be a runner long without hearing the expression

run-forest

Sometimes it’s funny to hear.   Sometimes it’s annoying to hear.   Sometimes, I even say it.  It really depends on the way it’s said.

But there is truth to this.   Sometimes we overthink, over analyze, and just forget to enjoy the beauty of the actual run.   This weekend was different.

There was a part of me that wanted to run my races as races and not run them the smart way to run them to put myself in best position for NYCM.   Part of me wanted to attack those hills in Bethlehem.   Part of me wanted to see how if I could have run these races better than my first year of racing.  Part of me wanted to test my legs and feel the burn in my lungs.   But I needed to remember that in 20 days, I will be standing at the start line of the NYCM and then it will be go time.

I will say though that there is something to be said about running a good race, a smart race, and a fun race with friends.   We had a blast running together.   You get to chat away the miles.    You get to take in the course a little more.   You get to stop for photos if you want and you may even meet people that you might not meet otherwise.

 

Bethlehem is a really pretty course.   It was still a very tough course and those hills are wicked.

rw2016_6

Wicked!

It’s funny, I the first year I ran this in 2014 I didn’t know what to expect.  I went into it with the race mentality.   I had great finish times.   In looking at my results now, I’m actually shocked.   In my age group, I was 41 for 5K, 29 for 10K, and 50th for the Half.   Although not racing this year, I still was in the the top 100’s for my age group.   I went into this in 2014 not even knowing if I could finish these races and now it’s a stepping stone for a larger race.   All that being said, I had a much better time this year.   In 2014, I ended up not only running the races by myself, but starting them and ending them alone.   I may not have ran as fast this year, but I had a much better race experience.   I had fun.   I laughed  until I cried at one point.

Life is better with friends!

I am so happy that I ran this again and would love to do it again.  Maybe with some more friends (hint. hint).

Whose in for next year?

I’m Back!

Oct15

Two years ago I tackled the Runner’s World Hat Trick.   It was my first BIG event.   At that time, I trained specifically for this event with a training plan that I purchased from Runner’s World.   It was a good plan that had me ready to run it.   I was driven to run it and run it fast.   I even went to this race by myself and I did well.    I did so well that I brazenly thought, “Why not run a marathon now.”   Of course, I did have a friend who planted the seed and pushed me along:)

Fast forward two years later and I’m back.   Things are different this time around.  This is not a goal race.   This race is different as I’m not even viewing it as a race.   I’m viewing it as training for New York City Marathon.   I’m also not the same runner that I was two years ago.   I’m stronger and used to these long runs now.    That being said,  it is still difficult when you cross that starting line not to want to give it all you’ve got.

But….

This isn’t my Rodeo.

This isn’t my goal now.

Eye on the Prize.

NYCM is just around the corner and this isn’t the time to run crazy.

rw2016

Yes, I could have attacked the course faster today, but it would not have been a wise or smart move.   Luckily for me, I wasn’t alone today.   I was running with some other Mom’s Run this town who actually were doing four races in three days for 26.2 miles.   I’m only doing three races in two days.    And if more lucky, a few of us wanted to run these miles at an 11 minute pace and we kept each other in check.    Alone, I probably would have not run a smart race.   Together not only did I do what I needed to do, but we got to chat the miles away.

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Win.  Win.

It is amazing to me how when I first started running an 11 minute pace was a goal.   Now it’s literally an easy running day.   Although I was saying today that this course is not really a course that I would want to try to PR as it is such a hilly course.   I also realize that I may be as fast as I’m ever get at this point.    I’ve run my sub 2 half.    I think that be the best it’s going to get for me.   So why not enjoy the ride (or run).

Tomorrow is another day and another race.

We will see what the day brings.   Then it’s taper town for New York which will be my rodeo.

rw2016_3

 Tomorrow brings another 5 AM wake up call.   Another race and another outfit:)

 

 

 

Flexibility is the Key

Sep8

Yesterday I had an 8 mile run scheduled.

As anyone with school aged kids will tell you, the start of the school season is ruff.   First there is the adjusting to the schedule to knowing who needs to be where when and everything in between.   On top of all of that craziness, I in my infinite wisdom a few years ago took on the responsibility of running my son’s Cub Scout Pack in addition to being his Den Leader.   So this brings on a whole host of responsibilities and just like the beginning of the school year, the beginning of the Scouting year is also a bear.

Now normally when the kids are all dropped off at school, I like to start my run by 9:00.   Yesterday though I figured that I would first take care of some Cub Scout stuff that needed to be done.   I figured that I would be done by 11:00 at the latest.   One thing leads to another and another.   Before I know it, it is almost noon.

CRAP!

Now I’m hungry.

So knowing I’ve got a run, I quick eat a bowl of cereal.   Finally get out for my run a little after 12:45.   Do some quick calculations and realize that there is just NO WAY that I am getting in a whole 8 miles due to needing to start the school pick-up cycle.

CRAP!

Then I start to map out in my mind how far and where to run.   I figure that I can probably squeeze in 5 miles or close to it.

CRAP!

Then in the midst of my panic, I wonder what the Hell my problem is and what is wrong with me.   Running is supposed to be my stress relief.   It felt good to get out the door after sitting all morning.   Why am I causing myself more anxiety instead of letting the run take it away?

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Then I had an epiphany that I’ve had before.    Running is NOT my job.  I RUN BECAUSE I LIKE TO RUN!    Yes, I know that I need to stick to my schedule and train if I want to be able to finish all these races that I’ve signed up for.    Yes, I know that training is important, but so is flexibility.    My “job” is to do the things that I do at home not only because I “have to” but because I want to.   No one assigned me these jobs.   I decided that I wanted kids.   I decided that I wanted 3 of them.   I decided that I wanted to do the things that I do for our house, my kids, and our family.   They are my priority.

That is not to say that I should not take time for myself and the things that I want to do.  My run at the beach is a prime example of that rationale.   That is not to say that everything that is important to me comes second.   It just means that I need to be more flexible and cut myself a break.   Especially when there is a lot going on.   The trick is to know what days, I really need flexibility and what days I need a kick in the pants.

Today is not That Day

Sep6

Today is the first day of school for my boys.  My youngest started his last year in the elementary school.    As I stood at the morning drop off line dry eyed and wondering why the teacher’s were not taking the kids in when it was past time, I realized that I might have been in the minority with my dry eyes.   There was no nostalgia that he is the last of my boys who will be leaving this wonderful elementary school.  Nope.  Nada.   Maybe it will come.   Just not today.  Maybe it’s also because while my youngest is starting his last year of elementary school, my oldest is starting the process of looking at colleges.

I am not obtuse to the fact that one day I will miss these days.   That I will miss the chaos.   The running to and from.    The never having a moment to myself and that there is something that always needs to be done.   It is not that I don’t love my children.   Like any parent, I couldn’t imagine my life without them.   It’s not that I won’t miss  spending time with them and the adventures we share as a family.  All that being said, I’m in the weeds right now.

So today as I stood in the drop off line with my running clothes on, hair pulled back, and not a stitch of makeup, I realized that I might have been the odd man out.   That’s ok:)

I also know that there were a million and one things that I should do at home while the kids were at school today.   I know that “my job” is to take care of the household, but today Mommy need  a day off.    It has been a long summer and I haven’t had a day off in over 2 months.   No weekends off.   Nothing.   So today was my day.   I needed a day or at least a morning off.  By myself.  Period!

beach2

I totally justified a trip to do my 5 miles at the beach today since my Triathlon is there this Sunday.   Yes, I’m familiar with the area but I thought I would get a lay of the land.  Again.  It wasn’t even particularly a great beach day, but there is something to be said for sitting even briefly listening to the waves.   There is something to be said about an ocean breeze on your run.   There is something to be said about taking time for yourself.   It is not selfish.  It is self preservation.   Period.  End of Story.

So while I was only gone for a few hours, it was enough to charge my batteries.   To rejuvenate my spirit and to get in my run.

beach3

Do you ever sneak away for a run?