I’ve been through enough this year to know that I need to listen to my body.  To pay attention when it is giving me signs of what it needs.  

As a runner though part of training is to learn to tune your body out.   This is good when it’s Time to push through when your legs feel they can go no more. To make yourself mentally tough to go this distance.   It is a necessity.   To a point….

I’m to that point.    In training for Chicago, I prepared myself to get the job done.   I was mentally tough and physically ready to go the distance.   To push though the pain, but now it is time to listen to not just my body but my doctor too.

Running Chicago was tough.   But now I have to be tough enough to do what I know needs  to be done.     My right foot is doing better as the cortisone shot is working it’s magic.    My left foot on the other hand needs a little more TLC.     I have not run since the Marathon, but I still feel the discomfort on my foot just walking.   I imagine if I ran it would not be good.

So rest it is, but that doesn’t mean training has to stop.

Next week it will be time for cross training.    Biking, swimming and anything that won’t bother my foot.   A good cardio workout is still a good cardio workout.  

It’s going to suck.     

I’m going to want to run.   

 I even have a race next weekend that I can’t defer and is nagging at me because I don’t like to waste money but that is for another post.

Warning I may be a little cranky writing this:)

Now you know I love me a good race.   I often sign up for a race in the wee hours of the night so as to not miss out.    I love getting up early on race morning which coming from a non-morning person says a lot.   I appreciate the security check points.   I LOVE the goodies on bib pick up day.  Then at most races, I don’t even listen to music because I just love the sounds of the race – music on the course, spectators, other runners, and even just the sound of all the feet hitting the ground over and over again.   All that being said, there are some things that I find frustrating about races.

1.  Cost of the Photo’s  –   I’ve talked about this before.   Yes,  I understand that there is cost involved with hiring professional photographers, equipment, and such.   That being said, there no bigger rip off than the cost of race photos and this is from someone who has bought them on more than one occasion.    All that being said, you can’t tell me that it needs to cost $80 per person.     As I said before, if they were half the cost, I bet they would sell more than twice as many.
2. Don’t just stop – People who stop right after they cross  the finish line or on the course like you aren’t right behind them.
3. Deferrals –  I get that the race needs time for bibs, knowing number of runners, and all that goes with putting on an event especially a big event.   Here is what I don’t get.   You can pretty much register for an event up to a week before the race, but if you plan to defer it must be done a month or more in advance.    I’m dealing with this now (more later).   I have an event that I was supposed to run that is still allowing people to register, but if I had wanted to defer I would have had to done it last month.   Now I’m faced with loosing a decent amount of money because I can’t run it due to my feet.  I emailed them even stating that I could provide medical documentations if necessary and they were like “no exceptions”  and they do not allow bib transfers.   I find this to be VERY frustrating to say the least.   I’m still following up, but it doesn’t seem promising.
4. Distance/terrain – Courses that are either too long, too short, or terrain isn’t what advertised..    Come on you know what distance your advertising, so plot it out correctly.   There is nothing worse when doing a trail race than finding out your running on the sidewalk in the park for a good portion of event or running too far.   I’ve also had the course shortened  and I felt just as annoyed because it messed up my times.

Now all that being said, I’m still going to keep doing races.   The good does out weigh the bad.

What are your pet peeves about Races?

When I ran the Philly Marathon, my first, I was nervous and excited.

When I ran the Marine Corps Marathon, I was counting down the days with excitement.

When  I ran the New York City Marathon,  I could not contain myself.   I was that excited.

In a matter of days, I am running the Chicago Marathon.

I have been looking  forward to it but coming at it with different goals of just finishing and different perspective, it was not at the same level of excitement at all.

Truth be told, this week

I am now hum ho about it.

Now, believe me, I realize how excited I should be.

I realize how lucky I am to be given this opportunity.

I realize that there are a whole host of reasons that I should be over the moon with excitement for this race.   Knowing that doesn’t change the facts.

I just don’t have it.

This week has taken the wind out of my sales.  I’m sure that I am not alone in this respect.   It was a gut punch.  One that I’ve felt before.  Sadly, one that I’m getting used to. In this case,  I’ve never even been to Vegas.   I’m not a Country Music fan.   What I am is another devastated American wondering how something this horrendous can happen for as of now no apparent reason.   To be honest, any reason found will still not be valid enough.

It makes you question what is important and what is not.    It makes you realize how fragile life is and that without warning there might be no more tomorrow.    It also makes you realize that no matter how much you think things are in your control, that control is really just an illusion.

This week has seem like forever and it has only been 3 days.    Then there are things like conversations you have with your mother who is now asking about security at your race.    I’ve been to enough big NYC events to have seen the security.    I have never questioned the need for it or actually minded waiting in line.    I remember the year that I did MCM,  security for the start line was tight.    You expect it.   You appreciate it.

So it is with this level of appreciation that I am heading into Chicago.   I am trying to put the wind back in my sales.    I am trying to get my act together.   Most of all, I am trying to appreciate the abundance of blessing that I have in my life.  And while this tragedy and others have no effected me personally, they do effect me.   There is a sadness that I can not just turn off and those who have dealt with depression know this to be true.

I know the excitement will come and can not be forced.   Tomorrow, I begin to start getting my gear together to take.   I’m    flying out with a friend who is running that I am also rooming with.   My sister and her husband will be in Chicago.

It will be an epic adventure.

Starting week 2 of Chicago Marathon training.   Another “easy” 3 miles.    Except today was HOT.   Very HOT!   So hot that my kids will have a half day from school due to excessive heat.    But I’m determined to follow the plan and today was 3 miles for the books.

I’m already learning and making changes after last weeks training.   First things first.

I have to realize that even if I think it’s going to be easy, fill up my water bottles with Cal-ez.   Last week the three mile run that left me tingling, I thought I didn’t need it.   I was wrong.   This will be my “Don’t leave home without out it on a run” thing.

Seriously.

Today was much hotter that last week.   I was drenched in sweat but not a tingle in sight.   I did actually finish these three bottles on my run.   So for me it’s not just hydration that is important but calcium replenishment as well.   Too important to forget.

I also made another change today.   I realized when I was out on my run that even though I knew I was going to run slow, that I was looking at my pace a little too much.   So I changed my Garmin screen from pace to heart rain zone throwing pace out the window.  Putting my heart into it and taking my head out of it.

You know what?

I had a good run especially when you consider the heat!   I walked when my heart rate was inching up too high and shuffled at a slow run for most of the run.    This was what needed to be done.   Then I had the thought that this is really something that I should be doing right now anyway.   I can’t be training at the same paces that I did last year at least not yet.

Even with the extremely hot weather, I think I still had a good run.   When I got home and downloaded my Garmin my average pace was 12:44 which is obviously where it needed to be.   In looking at my heart rate, I was in zone 4 for most of the run which is also kind of where I needed to be.   So this gave me food for thought.

What if for the next few runs, I don’t worry about pace and go by effort.   Hmmmm.   I’m thinking this is the way to go.    My normal paces that I trained with last year, I am not ready to train with them this year (yet).   Hmmm…

Let’s see how this plays out.

This is NOT an excuse post.

This is NOT a whoa is me post.

This is NOT a pity party post.

This is NOT a I want you to feel sorry for me post.

If you know me personally, you know that to be true.  That’s just not who I am.

What this is is an informational post.

This is JUST my reality post.

This is JUST an informational post.

This is a JUST so you know and can understand post.

This is for those who have asked but I didn’t explain it right in person post because I didn’t want to sound like I was whining post.

I stand by my previous assertions that I am an athlete and a runner.

That did not change when my thyroid was removed.

But as we know it was more than my thyroid.

So here’s the deal….

You’ve heard me say that my Parathryoid Glands no longer work.

Yes, you’ve heard me say that I have low calcium.

What the Hell does that actually mean.

To be honest, I’m still trying to figure it all out too.    When I say that I have low calcium, I don’t mean like you go for your annual check up and your doctor says that you need to take calcium supplements. While I do need to take supplements, there is more to it than that as I have glands that no longer function.   To borrow someone’s analogy…..   “It is like a bicycle chain with a link missing. Without taking calcium the chain falls off the gears.”

or this

From the American Association of Endocrine Surgeons

“Normal parathyroid glands work like the thermostat in your home to keep blood calcium levels in a very tightly controlled range. When the blood calcium level is too low, PTH is released to bring the calcium level back up to normal. When the calcium level is normal or gets a little too high, normal parathyroids will stop releasing PTH. Proper calcium balance is crucial to the normal functioning of the heart, nervous system, kidneys, and bones.”

So what does all that mean for me.    It means that my body is out of whack.   I’ve said before it’s like being diabetic except I’m always monitoring my calcium levels.   Except that there is no at home test for it.   I have to just know the symptoms.   Now even though I pop my calcium pills usually every 4 hours during a normal day and other medications and take more on days that I run, it still really isn’t enough.   The goal is not to get my calcium levels in the normal range.   The goal is to take just enough to be in the ALMOST normal range.   Just enough that I don’t have the major complications of low calcium.

The bodies nerves and muscles go hand and hand with calcium levels.   So keeping my levels low (but high enough) kind of keeps me a state of feeling like I’ve got a touch of the flu.   Some days it’s better that others, but body aches, achy joints, sometimes headaches, brain fog and fatigue are just part of the new norm.   Those are the good days.   Since it’s really just a guessing game, there are times when it goes too low that depression can creep in too.  Good times.   If I were to stop taking the calcium, my body would literally crash.

Seriously.  No joke.

Before I knew what I was dealing with my calcium went so low that my hands cramped up where I could not bend my finger.   Believe it or not I was really trying.

At the time, I did not know that if left untreated until my doctor told me that it could lead to passing out with seizures and even heart arrhythmia.  If it were to get this low again, I would need an infusion of calcium.   The most severe complication is heart failure.   so this is why I am always popping my pills.   I luckily have not experienced that level of tetany since right after surgery.  I do on occasion feel twinges in in my face, but nothing like this.

The body is an amazing thing and until you need to think about it, you really do not realize how interconnected everything is.   So even when my levels are “good,” it really just means that they are “good enough” to keep the MAJOR symptoms away.   The other symptoms are just part of the new normal.

So I may sound like I’m a parrot or paranoid about my calcium, but for now it’s in the forefront of my mind.  The complications which I’m avoiding.   The levels.   The symptoms.    Plus I am in the learning stage.   There is so much that goes into not just dealing with non working Parathyroid glands, but also dealing with the hormone adjustment of not having a thryoid gland.    I’m looking at and already taking other supplements that will help with symptoms.   Plus I’m researching the best diet for me.   As an athlete fueling has always been important, but now I’m looking into better ways to fuel my body.

You know what they say…

The more you know..

Yesterday was the Boston Marathon.   This is a day as a runner to be dazzled not just by elite runners but amazing runners with back stories that will bring tears to your eyes.

Like Sgt. Jose Luis Sanchez who was injured in Afghanistan and not only finished in 5:46:13 but did so carrying an American Flag sent to him by his unit when he was recovering from his injuries.

Then there are the Amazingly Speedy Mama’s that I personally know that not only BQ’d (Boston Qualified), but then crushed Boston.   They are inspiring in their dedication, speediness, and awesomeness.

I tip my proverbial hat to all of them.

And as of this was unfolding yesterday, a friend shared a blog post that I found very powerful about being a Mom called What if All I Want is a Mediocre Life?

This post struck me as I pretty much lead a mediocre life.   Don’t get me wrong, I love my mediocre life and often joke that I am destined for bigger and better things.   The truth is though that my life is already pretty much bigger and better already.   Besides bigger means more work and I’m barely keeping my head above water now.    I’ve made peace with my “mediocre life” and I actually love it and probably wouldn’t change much about it except maybe have someone else who is better at it clean my house.

Although I never put in in the context the writer did, I have thought about it when it comes to my running.

Seriously.

What if I’m ok with being a mediocre runner?    What if I  prefer to sleep in and hit snooze than get up early for a run?     What if I know that I will never be standing on the podium?    What if I’m ok being a middle of the packer?    What if I’m ok with just to run as many miles as I can squeeze in on a given week?   What if I just like the comrade that I enjoy with my running group?  What if for right now I have no desire to push my limits in either distance or speed and just want to enjoy the process?

Is that enough?

Am I still a runner?

Do I still get to wear the badge of honor as a runner?

HELL YEAH!

After yesterday’s blog post It is What It is a friend sent me a very nice message.   One of the things she wrote that was so on the money was “Give yourself a break – either mentally or physically.“

She is so right.   I think that I got caught in the cycle of bigger and better and in the process lost a little something along the way.   I have been so focused on the “prize,” the next race, the next distance, the next PR that somewhere along the way I may have run out of gas.      Not the “I’m in a slump” way, but I’ve run out of gas and need directions kind of way.

I’ve achieved a lot in my running in the few years that I’ve been at it.   No joke.   At what point is enough enough?  First it was a Sprint Triathlon. Then a half marathon.  Jumping to the Runner’s World Hat Trick.  Then falling into a  the Philly Marathon.  Ending up at a 50K.  Getting a sub 2 half in NY.   One after another. After another.   I’m not done.   I have goals.   I have dreams and aspirations with my running but maybe for today, maybe for now this is enough.

I admit it.   When I started running, I had something to prove.   Not to anyone else but  to myself.   That I was strong enough.   That I was fast enough.   That I had earned the title of runner.  The problem though became the bigger and better.   The proverbial ring was kept just out of reach.   Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED every minute (ok not every) of pushing my limits and reaching for it all.   Maybe for right now though, I want to just ride the Merry Go Round for a while.

There is nothing wrong with that.

We are all on our own journey.   We all have our own paths to follow.  What is the right path for one person may not be the right path for the next person.   I’ll be honest as I always am, I’m just not sure what path I want to be on right now and that’s ok too.  I’ve got time to figure it out.

For now though

This is enough.

I am enough.

and even with all of this uncertainty, I am happy with where I’m at.