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Come Back to Me……

After many months, I was FINALLY able to get a much need run in with a friend tonight.    The beauty of your running friends is they will tell you what you want to hear, sometimes things you don’t want to hear, and just listen while you ramble on too.   It’s a special thing:)

We were talking about my training and her training as she is also doing New York.    We both have similar goals except that I’m not really sure of my goals right now.   Things are kind of up in the air, but she made me laugh telling me not to be a “teenager and just do it.”    She further pointed out that my training has been getting back on track and that if I give it just a little more time so will my head.    Part of that has to do with once the kids get back in school and I can get back to my normal schedule.

Here’s hoping.

I said to her that it has really been a difficult summer and it is even ending on a not so fun note.   All of these things are have not totally sucked the life out of my training because I am finally able to get my workouts in.   Maybe not all of them, but I’m getting better.   I’m getting back doing what I need to do, it is just sucking my get up and go.

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I’ve said before that part of my problem is that last year when training for Marine Corps Marathon, I had committed goals.  They were concrete.    I don’t have that this time.    I am missing the drive that I had.   I am trying to find it.   I really am, but part of me keeps questioning in the end what does it matter.    I know it would be a source of pride to me to run a marathon in 4:30 or under, but other than that what will the point be?   I have PR’d in various events.    In looking at Athlinks today, I realized that there were a few events that I finished decently and one I even came in first in my age group.   Of course, there were only 4 women in that group but still.   I’m wondering……  What does it matter?

I not only love  to run, but being a runner is part of who I am now.    If I were to never run another race again (that’s not happening – don’t panic), I would still need running in my life.   I love running, but I’m growing weary of training.   Not physically, but mentally.

I know all this mumbo jumbo in my head is due to all that has happened this summer.    You can’t loose a loved one and not think about what is important in your life.  I wish that was all, but like the commercials says “but there’s more!”

I am committed to running the New York City Marathon.   I am committed to training for the New York City Marathon.     I am committed to finishing the New York City Marathon.   I just wish I knew how I wanted to finish it and what I want out of race day.

It feels good to say that.   It feels good to know that.

That is the one thing that has fallen into place today while other things were falling out of place.   I do know that I am committed to New York which will mean that I will be committed to training for it.   Like a child whose old toys is about to be thrown away, I did not realize how important this has become to me until the prospect of having to bow out became a possibility.

If there sounds like there is more to this story, there is but I’m not at a point to share it all.     In the scheme of things it’s not anything tragic or bad, it is just something that I have to deal with.   Like laundry, some things just need to be done.    When the time is right, I will let you know.

 

Damned if You Do and Damned if You don’t

Believe it or not I’ve not only been getting my training in, but I’ve also been feeling pretty good while doing it too.   Who knew?   All it took was sticking to it:):)

One of the things that I’ve had to do to get my runs in is to run at night.   As I’ve said before I’m all about safety when I’m out running.    My goal is always simple….. To come home safely from every run.    This takes a little more when running in the dark than the basics.

Here is the thing though.  When dressed appropriately, I’ve had friends laughingly joke that they should hit me just because of how I look.    They are not alone at laughing at me.   My dear husband hangs his head in shame and laughs when he sees me getting ready for a night run.  When out for a run last night a little girl walking with her Daddy asked, “What is that?”

I do hope that her Daddy said just someone trying to be safe while running.

To be honest, I’m not sure what is so funny about what I’m wearing.   My night running go to is the Tracer360 and a headlamp.   My running pants usually have built in reflector strips and I usually wear bright colored compression socks.

Night Running

 I actually think this looks very appropriate for night running.

Here is the thing though.    If you have ever looked at any of my tutu running race photos you will clearly see that I will wear what I want when it comes to my running.  I am a bit of a round peg that can not be put into a square hole.  There might have been a time that i would have tried to fit into that square hole but not anymore.   I will wear what I want and it’s that simple.

Here’s the other thing if a runner is out running in the dark and not dressed appropriately and something happens, the first thing people will say is that they should have been more visible.   Tonight I actually saw two such runners.   One I didn’t even notice till we passed each other.   Not smart and not safe.   I hope seeing me made them think, “I should wear something/anything that will make me more viable.”

It’s funny as adults it seems like many times people don’t make the smart choice for a whole host of reasons.   Take bike helmets for example.   Outside of serious riders, how many adults do you see wearing their helmets?    Not many.   But how many of these same people would never think to not make their child  wear one.   Adults I know that don’t wear one because it will mess their hair, make them look like a dork, ect, ect.    I think there is a similar thing going on when it comes to night running.

Here is my question though to all those night runners out there wearing dark clothes, no reflective gear, no blinkies, ect, ect….

“WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF YOU LOOK LIKE A DORK AS LONG AS YOU ARE BEING SMART AND SAFE?”

I recently went for my annual check up.    My doctor was asking the “Do you” questions.    She said something that I found amusing when talking about the flu shot.   She said, “Don’t die of something stupid.”    I think this applies here.

I’ll admit that it pisses me off somewhat too as I find that those who are out there not running safely give the rest of us a bad rap.   It also not only puts them in danger, but also an unsuspecting driver.    I have a new teen driver and I think about these things more than I care to admit.

I think the bottom line really is that people don’t know the rules of the road when running.   There is no test to hit the streets nor should there be one.    But if you are going to go out there running at ANY time of day or night, you should learn them.

Here are in my opinion the most important ones

  1. Run against traffic
  2. No headphones on roads/trails (I listen to music through phone)
  3. Run on the shoulder of the road and avoid high traffic roads when possible
  4. Be polite and respectful
  5. Wear reflective clothing/gear at night
  6. Be alert and prepared to get out of the way
  7. Run with ID
  8. Let people know where you are running and how long you will be gone

 

Safety first.

Because in a game of chicken with an oncoming car, the runner ALWAYS looses and I looses big.

It’s really that simple.

 

 

 

 

 

 

It Is What It Is……

My Coach recently wrote,

“Running is Simple.   Life is hard.”

I really think that she hit the nail on the head.   This quote resonated with me.     The act of running is simple and at it’s core is beautiful, freeing, and wonderful.     Life on the other hand is full of complications, busy, and not always your own.    Don’t get me wrong, it is also beautiful and wonderful and I wouldn’t change mine for anything.

Now to some it may seem that I am making excuses.   Some day’s maybe, but overall no.   The truth is running is supposed to be my stress reliever.   It is supposed to be my “Calgon take me away” moment.   (If your too young to understand that analogy, more power to you:).

Now don’t get me wrong.   I know many women who never miss a day of training.    Who come rain or shine get their workouts in no matter what is going on in their lives.   Maybe the truth is that I’m not that dedicated or good at balancing and timing.    Now I don’t mean that I’m not dedicated to my running, but I’m at a point where my training is not taking center stage.

Case in point…….

Yesterday, I had a cut-down on my schedule.   Had planned to wake up around 8:00 to go run it on the treadmill at the gym.    Hubby ends up taking the day off and I decide to have my coffee with him instead thinking that I will go in the evening.    The day progresses and I’m working on my youngest son’s cake for his birthday party.   Then hubby decides he’s going to do an evening fishing with his buddy.   Still think that I’ll be able to get my run in, but by the end of the day it gets away from me.   Now, I’m sure if I were super dedicated that I would have found the time to squeeze it in and maybe part of me wanted to avoid the dreaded cut-down.    That being said, a big part of me just wanted to be home with my family.

Now today, I have 14 miles on the books.    Yes, I could have gotten up at 6:00 to run like many of my dedicated friends, but I didn’t.    I waited up for hubby to get home as dozing on the couch is not quality sleep and didn’t make it to bed till almost 1:00.    Then I have my son’s birthday party today at 2:30 and this morning will require some last minute running around for it.    Especially since I realized that I forgot to buy plates!   I want to enjoy the morning with family.

I will run tonight. I will light up the night.   I’m no fool, I know that I need to get my training in to do the things I want to do.   It would be like expecting my children to do good in school without putting in the work.

I really am trying to be better with my training, but it’s hard.   I’m not complaining even if it sounds like it.   I’m just tired.   I’m sure that once we get into the fall schedule it will be better.    I also know that I’m the one who asked to do all this.   I’m the one who signed up for all the races.    I’m the one who hired a coach who puts together kick ass 6 day a week training schedule.   I’m also the one who has to do the work.

And I will.

as one of my favorite expressions says….

It is

What it is

 

 

No More

tEven I am getting tired of my excuses.

Tonight I went to my local YMCA to run my 6 mile cut-down.   It was a fast one and I didn’t want to do it outside.   To be honest, I didn’t want to do it at all.    Shortly after dinner though, I changed into my running clothes before I could  come up with an excuse not to go.

Get there and start running.

First warm up mile isn’t too bad.   Not great, but ok.   I realize that I’m not used to running fast.   To be honest, I’m not sure that I am used to running anymore.   I do know that I’m certainly not used to running on a full stomach and I’m not used to running at the end of the day as opposed to the morning.   These things do make a difference.

Mile 2 hits.

BAM!

It’s way too fast.   Not sure of which one of my already listed excuses it was, but I knew that I would not be able to hit these faster paces tonight.   Then that little voice in the back of my head starts thinking, “Well since you aren’t going to hit your paces, you might as well not even worry about running the full 6 miles either.”

I know it doesn’t make sense, but that little voice always seems so reasonable.   So smart.  So easy to listen to.   It’s like when your on a diet and you slip up and have a cookie.   Then the voice tells you since you already ruined your diet with one cookie, you might has well eat a dozen of them.

Reasonable.

Not in the least, but always so tempting to listen to that voice.   Most of us fall for this trap all the time.    I missed one run this week, I might as well miss two.  ect, ect.

towel

So I start to have this internal dialogue with myself that I am tired of all the excuses.    Now I am not saying that some of them are not valid excuses, but still……   I keep telling myself to cut the crap and just do it.   It’s not an excuse not hitting my paces tonight.    That happens.   We all have our off days.    But it would have been an excuse to give up on the run as a whole.   So I adjust the paces.   I still do a cut-down, but one that I think I can actually do tonight.   Then I just go mile by mile.

I’ll be honest, at mile 4 I was thinking of calling it a day.   I was thinking of starting my cool down and just doing 5 miles.    Then one of my running friends husbands says hello and asks how far I’m running.   Damn you!    But it might have been just enough motivation I needed to keep going.

I finished 6 miles.

You know what?   I’m glad I did.

No guilt.

We as mother runner’s already have enough guilt in our lives that our workout routines should not add to it.    I know that if I didn’t at least complete the full 6 miles tonight that I would have felt like I gave up.  There are times I shouldn’t feel guilty about missing a run, but today would not have been one of those days.    Cutting this run short though would have just been me giving into the little voice in my head.

I’m so glad that I won this round.  I think the trick is to turn off that voice enough times that finally it shuts up.

Today I won.

I’ll tell you another little secret.    After I decided to do the whole thing, it felt good and I even got into the groove of the run.

 

 So the moral of the story is….

Just do it:)

Finding Balance

Life is about balance.

The give and the take.

The Ying and the Yang.

Hot and the Cold

Without balance our lives would be more chaotic than they already are now.   Balancing time for ourselves, our friends, our family, and our training.   Ignore one at the expense of the other and things suffer.

Balance.

The same is true when it comes to our training.   As I said the other day in my post How Slow Can You Go, I have embraced the going slower approach to my training.   But there has to be a balance to this approach for it to work.

Balance is the key.

Run too fast too often and you will end up injured or burnt out.

Never running fast and you will never improve.

Balance.

So even though most days I am not running faster than a 10:40 pace, there are days that I’m out there pushing it. Today was such a day.  These are the days that you have to bring your A game to.    These are the days that make up for all the “slower” days.

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Yes, I take notes as when I’m pushing it sometimes my brain needs a little help.   That being said, I am pretty happy with the way this cut down turned out.   I haven’t done one in a while and this one was not meant to be an easy run.   I guess that’s what happens when you have a good race.  Your coach adjusts your cut down paces accordingly even if it made you cry a little when you saw it.  That being said, it also wasn’t meant to be I need to stop right now run either.    At the end, I was supposed to feel like I could run another mile at the pace I was running.   I will say that although, I do think I could have kept going at mile 5 that I was more than happy to slow down.

Moral of the story is as much as you need to run slow to speed up, you also need days like this too.

The Ying and the Yang.

The give and the take.

The slow running days and the run like hell days.

It’s all about balance.

If I could just Shut the Little Man Up!

This morning started off just right.   Actually woke up right before my alarm.   Had a good night sleep, although maybe not enough.    Got up and was ready for the Queens 10K Crew to pick me up.    Moving right as scheduled, then the brakes get put on.

Literally.

We could arrived to Citifield right before 7:30 giving us plenty of time to get to the start line at 8:30.   At least it should have been more than enough time!   We literally did not park the car till 8:30.

The frustrating part is that there was more than enough parking, but they just didn’t have the lots open.   It was annoying.   It was frustrating.   It was not the volunteers fault who were directing traffic.   Someone made a mistake or underestimated or something, because it was ridiculous!

Queens10k_16Why oh why when there is this much space did we have to wait an hour to get into the lot.   Crazy!

Then we had to do a 3/4 mile jog to the start line and literally jump into a corral and start the race.

Not the best way to start.

The corrals were crazy croweded probably due to people such as ourselves getting to the start line late.    Elbow to Elbow.   Bob and weave.   Stop and go.  Crazy start.

Then I settled into it or as much as I could settle in.   I was on pace.   I was on the money.   Then The little man in my head would not shut up as much as I told him to.   Physically, I think I may have had it in me today even with the heat.   Mentally, my mind just was not there.

Queens10k-16_2Look at these beautiful negative splits……. Backwards!

Mentally, my head wasn’t in the game.   As much as I wanted to pretend it was, it was not there.   It did not help that I did not plan my music accordingly causing thoughts to pop into my head that I had no business thinking about while trying to run a race.

Physically, there is no reason that I needed to walk during this race.   Mentally, I admit that I took a few walk breaks.   There was a point that I almost gave up and walked.  At the end, I did push it but it was too little too late.   It was just not my day.   You need these bad running days to appreciate the good ones.

In the whole scheme of things, it is just a race.   It is not a make or break thing that I didn’t PR today.   It would have been nice, but at the end of the day (to me) I know it really doesn’t matter.   There will be other days, other races, and other PR’s.

And you know what?   As much as I’m going on that the race wasn’t my race, I ran it faster than last year. I still ran it pretty decently even if I walked a time or two.   I still finished with a good place and overall my pace was good.     Was it the race I wanted?   No, but those are the breaks.

try

I finished in 59:14.

So I was under an hour this year and still not a bad race.

Overall 5093 out of 9,982

Women 1594 out of 4,814

Age Place 110 out of 432

So I really think I need to shut up that it wasn’t a good race.   I know that I could have pushed myself and run better but I mentally didn’t care.

Every have one of those days and realize in the end it wasn’t so bad?

me too:)

Time Flies

I’m not sure if it’s the heat we’ve been having.    I’m not sure if it’s because it seems like forever since I’ve been consistently running, but I almost feel like I’ve gone back to square one.    Yes, I know that I just ran a 50K but really that was a month ago already.

Time flies.

When I was running consistently training was built into my schedule.   I’m also trying to rebuild it back in as surprisingly the time not training was still not free time.  If you think about it, I had my ankle injury.   Then I did a few runs.   Then I started tapering for my 50K.   After that I was recovering without a lot of runs.   So although I know I have the stamina to go the distance everything else seems new to me.

   I almost feel like I’ve lost it.   I went for a slow paced seven miles the other day with a friend and it seemed longer than the 18 miler we did together in training.  (Actually 20 for her).    All through the run, I was thinking “When will this end.”    It made me question how I actually managed to complete a 50K.    These 7 miles were long.   They were grueling and they were slow.

What the Hell!

I’m also in end of school year craziness where it seems like every other day there is a school function.    Add to that the craziness of trying to schedule all other appointments before my little cherubs are home all day with me and it is a perfect storm.    As with everyone else, there is so much to do and so little time.    I am in awe of those who can make it look easy.    I’m sure they don’t have it any more together than me, but they make it look like they do.

So today, I’ve got 6 on the schedule.   It’s actually a perfect day for running as it is a little cooler this morning.   If only I could run.    School function.   Followed by some Cub Scout stuff and phone calls that must be made today.    I know I will get it in.   I’m just not sure when…..

How do you keep up with it all?

time-flies

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Oops I Did It Again

As mentioned before, the second loop of the Dirty German I was on my own.   I had my trusty Garmin on counting down the miles left.   (Yes, at a certain point I like to think in terms of how many miles are left not how many I already ran).  When I was getting near the end though it seemed like the finish line would never come.   Then I heard noise in the distance breaking the silence of the trail.   It was like the call of the Sirens propelling me forward.    It beckoned me.   It gave my tired legs a jolt of energy.   It brought me out of the trail and across the finish line.

I thought it only fitting that the song playing while crossing the finish line was Brittney Spears Oops I did it again.      This seems to be how I get into these races in the first place.   I just kind of jump right in and then say to myself, “Oops I did it again”   guess I’m running another race.

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It was going to be different after the Dirty German I was 100% sure.   This was just going to be something to cross off my list.   Before the race, I even told my coach that I was going to need a break when it was over.   I was sure my body was telling me it was time to slow down and run like a normal person.   I’m sure that she’s heard these type of things from other runners, so she was like, “Yes, we can change things up, keep your base so your ready for marathon training, and have some fun.”    That may not really have been what I wanted to hear.   I wanted to hear, have a great summer, don’t eat to much ice cream, and have fun running like a normal person.

So here we are not even a  full two week post Dirty German.   I’ve had a few recovery runs and I’m chomping at the bits to get out there again.   I miss it.   I’ve got a lot of time when not running hours every day.    Still not enough time to get everything done, but that’s a different story.    Anyway, I told myself I was done.   I was toast.   I was not running anymore long races.   Couldn’t wait to be done with NYCM, so I could officially end my training.

Then like every normal person or should I say every normal runner I Know, I go and sign up for another race.   Actually, I signed up for three but it’s one event so I can count it as one sign up.   I’m heading back to the Runner’s World Festival in October to do the Hat Trick again.   This is the event where you run a 5K rest for about an hour.   Then run a 10K and go home.   Then come back the next day to run a half marathon.    Now signing up for this makes perfect sense to me.    Really, I can totally justify it…..

  1. I previously talked to my coach about it.   She, obviously, said the choice was mine and it would really depend how I wanted to run them and what I wanted to get out of NY since it is fairly close to it.
  2. I love this race as it was my first big event.
  3. I totally am justifying it by saying this will be good training for NY due to the hills.    Really.   Makes perfect sense.
  4. I couldn’t help myself.

Besides, I think I still have self control because I had been thinking of signing up to run a trail event in the beginning of June.   I haven’t done that yet, so I don’t think I’ve totally lost it yet.   (Must be strong!)

As I said before, when you surround yourself with encouraging people doing amazing things, you can’t but help yourself.

How do you keep yourself in check?

 

 

 

What is an Athlete Anyway?

Coming home from my 50K, I was tired.    It was a long drive and I thought I would break up the boring drive to let me Mom know I was finished.   She really has been one of my biggest champions on my journey.    She said a funny thing though.   She was telling me how she had been bragging about me to a friend.    She then said something that she totally meant as a compliment but made me scratch my head.

“Do you realize that this makes you a real athlete?”

I’m guessing the 3 marathons, countless half marathons, plus the other distances, and lets not forget the few sprint Tri’s I did did not make me a real athlete.

Hmmmmm

Then a funny thing happened two days later.   I was chatting with someone totally different about my race and she said the same thing.

I think people just like to categorize people.   Not sure why, but I think they do.

A while later I was in one of my Facebook groups and someone I don’t know  posed the question, “When did you consider yourself a runner or an athlete?”

Some people replied that they knew when they were in 8th grade, some when they ran their first 5K, and a whole host of other answers.    For me I know that it took a long time for me to identify as a runner and I’ve really never thought of myself as an athlete.   That was until very recently like driving home from a 50k.

Athlete

It’s hard to think of yourself in these terms when you surround yourself with people who are so much more athletic than you.     I realize that I am more than a weekend warrior.   Per the definition, I guess some of it might apply.   Now, obviously, there are so many degrees of being an athlete and I think that is why most people even if they identify as a runner may not identify as an athlete.

My children do various sports.   They are not at the top of their field, but I know that they are athletes.    I would go toe to toe with someone who dismissed their athletic abilities.   They go to their practices.   They put in their time.   They work hard.   Period.

You know what, I’m not at the top of my field.   I’m not winning any races, but I’m out there.   I’m out there A LOT.   I’m putting in the time.    I work hard.   Your not finishing a 50K without stamina that’s for sure.  (that and a lot of fuel).

It’s funny a friend recently said to me when I was talking about the Dirty German and I was telling her that I was going with people running various distances.   Some were doing the 25K, another woman was doing the 50K, and two were running 50 miles.   Here response was spot on (and sorry, I’m going to paraphrase as I didn’t take notes that day:)

“No matter how awesome what your doing is there is always someone who is doing something more awesome.”

To a degree that is so true, but at the same time it doesn’t matter.    Someone running 50 miles, does not take away how awesome of an experience I had running a 50k.   Nor does my 50K take away from those BAMR’s who did the 25K.    And on that same day, my town was hosting a 5K and our race takes nothing away from them.

It is true there can only be one winner.    The thing is that each of us brings something different to the start line.    We all have gone through different things to get to where we are today.  We are not Elite Athletes nor are we Weekend Warriors.   We are athletes who are pushing ourselves to be the best that we can be.   We are competing against ourselves and I think that is what most of us know.   That’s why we often make our goals based on our PR’s (personal records).

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I am so many things and now that I think about it I can add athlete to that list of things.

Are you an athlete?

 

Now What?

Months of training, thought, and preparation.   Then in just over 7 hours it’s all over.

DG4

Now What?

Recovery, of course.

Many people and training plans thing that it all ends with the race, but it doesn’t.   There is more to recovery than sitting back and eating some bon bons.   Not that I had those, but I did treat myself to a chocolate fudge waffle with ice cream and chocolate sauce.

waffles

Although, I don’t really think that had anything to do with recovery and was just a yummy celebratory treat.   Although, I can totally justify it as recovery:)  That being said, recovery is an important part of training.

Depending upon what app I look at my calorie burn during the ultra was over 4,000.    How many calories I burned the day really is not exact.   Some sources put it as high as 6,000 and others as low as 3,000.    All I know is that I burned a lot even with the eating of the peanut M&M and the guzzling of the soda at the aid stations. (soda is the best on a run like this!)    The funny thing though is that often after even a normal long run, I’m not hungry.   This is one of the reasons that I usually use a recover drink instead.   On the road, my choice is always a large Caramel Latte iced with whole milk.    I try to add a protein bar, banana or something else too.

Once I was done, running. I did do some stretches but really not much.   I did what I could as I needed to get on the road.   One thing that I totally understand but on the day of the race I thought added insult to injury is that once finished, I needed to make the LONG walk to my car carrying my bucket of supplies.   I’m guessing it added at least another mile.   I viewed this as an active cool down.

shower

Once I made it to my car, it was time to shower.   You know your a runner if using shower wipes and putting fresh deodorant on next to your car counts.   Hey, I had to do something because even I didn’t want to be in the car with me until I wiped some of the stench off.  I will say the best feeling was taking off my sneakers and socks and putting on some flip flops.   Then off to find a Dunkin Donuts.

Sitting in a car for over an hour really isn’t the best way to start recovery off, but until a magic carpet is invented that I can stretch out on this will have to do.   Besides, I came home to an empty house as my hubby had taken the boys out to dinner per my request.   I was able to soak in a hot bath and by the time I got out and big beautiful chicken taco salad was waiting for me.

Day one recovery is easy because you really are too sore to do much.   Day two, you feel a little better and think maybe.    I wisely took day two to get a massage.    The problem with recovery is that by day three you feel good and by day four you think I’m good as new.    But I’ve been burned by this feeling more than once.   I’m feeling good because I’m taking it easy.   Very easy.   I did meet a friend yesterday who is doing the Couch to 5K program.   I needed a walk and this was a great way to test the waters.   Felt good, but I was glad when it was time to walk again.   Tomorrow will be day five of recovery and I am set to go for a nice EASY 3 miles run.   My coach is the one who capitalized easy.

I will say that my family is eating very well during my recovery.   Since I’m not running for hours at a time, this does allow for other things and I’m not up for the bags of mulch yet:)

Bottom line is

We train hard.

We Run Hard.

We must respect that and allow ourselves time to recover.

To all things there is a season…

Ecclesiastes-3-1-700x467

What do you do during recovery when your not running?