Be Who You Are

Apr19

I’ve never been the cool kid.

I’ve never been the athletic kid.

I’ve never been the picked for a team first kid.

Actually, I was usually one of the last kids.

You know what?

NONE OF THAT MATTERS!

Be who you are

Today is my birthday and it makes you reflect on things.

As a kid you always think these things are the worst thing in the world. Even if someone told you otherwise, you would never have believed them. You think your life is set in stone. You think that these things are the end of the world. Then you become an adult and realize that none of it matters.

Not in the least.

The older I get the more comfortable I’ve gotten in my own skin.

I’m actually pretty cool

I’m actually with the right sport pretty athletic.

They should have picked me first. They don’t know what they were missing if they had just given me a chance.

I bet I could out run them now:)

I will say that these things and other things in my childhood shaped the way I look at the world. Would I change some of them. Probably so, but then I don’t know if I would be the person that I am today. These things shaped the way I look at the world. For me, I think these things shaped me for the better..

I’m more empathetic.

I usually root for the underdog.

I fight a little harder for things.

I never give up.

and most of all….

I know that I am a survivor.

These are all very good traits and the last two are very useful in my running life too. I am now less than a month away from the Dirty German. My first foray into the Ultra Running. My training as of late has been spotty with my ankle, but I’m back on track. You think I would be worried, but I’m not. No, I do NOT think this is going to be easy. That being said, I’m also not panicking (yet). I’m pretty calm about it. I think what helped is that I did do the trail marathon in January. It wasn’t easy, but I also didn’t feel like I was going to die. I also didn’t feel like I couldn’t have kept going. Yes, that was January and this is now. But I’m still feeling pretty solid in this. My training up until my ankle was solid. Rock solid. I’m not going into this for time, but time on my feet.

Besides I’m tenacious, don’t like to give up, and like to do things that surprise people. Even myself:)

Be Nice

Mar19

be-nice

I was talking to someone this week about my upcoming half this weekend. Did I mention that I am running the NYC Half Marathon (13.1 miles) this weekend? This is a goal race for me. One that I’ve been training for. One that I’ve thrown down the gauntlet and said I would like to run in sub 2 hours. I’ve been training, but I’m still doubtful.

I told my friend that I wasn’t sure how it would go. I was nervous and hope that I didn’t choke under the pressure of it. (Yes, there is pressure even for the middle of the packers). Self imposed pressure maybe the worst. Anyway, my friend shut me down. She shut me down fast and with such a true and profound statement that I had couldn’t argue with. What was so profound?

First she told me to trust in my training and pointed out that I have been running my ass off. (I would love it if it would also run my pouch off, but that’s different). She then went on to say the profound part that I will paraphrase….

“Don’t allow your inner voice to speak to yourself in a way that you would not allow other people to speak to you. Imagine if one of your friends was saying the things that your inner voice was saying? Would they remain your friend? Would you put up with that?”

Let that sink in for a moment.

Read it again.

Right!

Mind Blown!

If one of my friends said the things that I say to myself, I would be livid. I would not listen their crap. So why do I listen to it form my inner voice? Why is my inner voice so negative sometimes?

Such as…

I should have pushed harder

I was so slow

I’ll never be able to do it.

Why didn’t I hit my paces

Can I do it?

As with many things in running, this also carries over to our non running lives (yes, we have those). We have to stop being our own worst critic. We have to get our of our own way and side step the negativity. Most importantly, we should be our biggest cheerleader. Now, I’m not saying we should be arrogant or obnoxious. I mean that we should be treat ourselves the way our Best Friends treat us which is usually pretty awesome. We have to have faith in ourselves.

This does not mean that we will always succeed in everything we do, but as I tell my preschool gymnastics kids’ “You will never know if you can do something unless you try. And if you don’t do it this time, we can try again another time. All you can do is try, try, try.”

I think that I need to take my own advise.

I know that I have put in the many miles to train for tomorrow

I know that I have done the speed workouts required

I will give it all I have and that will be enough

I know that I have run these paces before

I know that I can do it!!!

So all I can do is try, try, try…..

NYC Half

Whose in Control?

Mar11

There are so many things in our lives out of our control. We all feel it. We all know it. We all want more control, but the truth of the matter is much of it is not in our hands. We just have to roll with the punches that come. Some harder than others. This is true not just in life but with our training.

There are things in our training that our out of control. Injuries and time just to name a few. We know that there are other things in our training just like our “normal lives” that we can’t control. That being said, we must learn to focus on what we can control. The other things will either fall into place or not and again we have to just roll with the punches that come.

lista-control

Now just because I realize that I don’t have total control doesn’t mean that I am not working on the things that I can control such as…

Taking time for myself to get the runs/workouts I need. If the work is not put in than the outcome will never change. This is in my control.
Putting the effort into each workout. It does no good to take time for said workouts if I am not going to do what needs to be done. On days that I need to push and challenge myself, I can’t back down. Not every workout/run is meant to be hard, but on the days that are supposed to be hard let it be hard. Don’t back down. Everything is hard at first and if it was always easy where would the challenge be?
Pay attention to how you fuel and recover. I’ve mentioned this before that I am working on figuring out my fueling for my runs. As I said, you can’t run on empty and each person has to learn what works for them.
And just as in life, give yourself a break. Some days you just don’t have it in you and that is ok. The trick is to get back up and keep moving forward.
Never back down or give up. I will stumble. I will fall (especially on a trail, but I will always get back up. That is in my control.

It’s time that I admit it…….. I may have started off as the Accidentally Running Mama, but I am well past that now. I am no longer a beginner. I am not accidentally running now. I think after 3 marathons, countless other events, and the fact that I am training for a 50K kind of proves that I am running with purpose. And even though I have been precise and followed my plans, I think that I am getting to the point that I need to take more ownership of my training. Don’t take that as I am saying I don’t need my coach because I do. I don’t even have one tenth of the running knowledge that she has. What I’m saying is that I need to take my training off of auto pilot and take ownership of it.

I need to control what I can because that will give me a sense of comfort.

Win or loose

(Ok, I’m always in the middle of the pack),

it is up to me.

Up to me

What is in your control?

Know When to Hold Them

Feb19

As the Gambler says

“You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run”

It’s so true. We have all been there or maybe your one of the lucky one’s who have never lost their Mojo, but it happens. I lost mine briefly after running the Philly Marathon. Although I don’t know if it was a true loss of my Mojo as much as recovering from an marathon that I wasn’t fully trained to run. I took a month off and was ready to come back to chase the 9 plus 1.

Maybe I haven’t been running long enough to need that long of a break. Even though it’s been a few years, it is all still so new to me. Plus I keep coming up with bigger dreams to keep my running shoes moving.

That being said there is nothing wrong with loosing your running Mojo.

Nothing.

I also think there is a big difference between loosing your Mojo and needing a break.

Here is the thing in life, it is never the same. It evolves. It changes. The things that we want and do change with the season of our life. (I totally stole season of our life from my Mother who uses this all the time). Anyway, just because we love something doesn’t mean that we don’t need a break from it. Sometimes it will be a short break. Sometimes it will be a long break. And that is ok.

season

Case in point….

When my middle son was born almost 14 years ago, I discovered the art of scrapbooking. I loved it. I used to say that it was my happy place. For a time it was and I did it every chance that I got. I’ve got a shelf of scrapbooks to back it up too! I loved it so much that I even became a Creative Memories Consultant to pay for my hobby. Then something happened along the way. It started to feel more like a job than an escape. It no longer became my happy place, but another chore that needed to be done. I stopped.

Now I will admit that I miss it.

I will admit that I still have all of my supplies and sometimes look at them longingly.

I sometimes even feel guilty that I haven’t gone back to it yet especially because my youngest only has a baby book done and not the volumes his brother’s have, but that is Mommy Guilt.

I do know though that when the time is right, I will go back. It seems like a daunting task to think about now – organizing, planning, and all that will come with going back. BUT when the time is right, it won’t feel that way. It will be with excitement that I dust off my supplies. It will be with enthusiasm that I put everything in place to start. It will be with joy that I begin again.

Until such time, they can wait.

The same is true with running.

Your shoes aren’t going anywhere.

Your running friends although will miss you, will be there for you when you return.

It is ok to know when to fold ’em.

It’s ok to know when to walk away.

and

More importantly, you will know when it is time to run.

Life changes and sometimes all we need is to step away with no guilt, no remorse, and no looking back. I believe that there is a time and place for everything in our lives. Sometimes we have to step away from something to allow something new to enter our lives. If I hadn’t given myself a much needed break from my scrapbooking, I know that I would have never discovered another happy place called running.

In the end, it boils down to doing what makes you happy. Life is to short to do things that you don’t want to do. The trick is though is to know when it is the right time to make a change.

Post Edit

After reading this my sister thought this meant that I was taking a break from my running. I’m not. I am running full steam ahead! This post was inspired by a friend:):)

Chasing the Dream

Jan19

Although we have had some cold spells recently, winter did not official seem to arrive until this week. We had a dusting of snow and with any luck we are going to be hit by a big snow storm this week. Yes, I said with any luck. I love the snow. I love to run in the snow. It’s nice. It’s peaceful. It’s beautiful! And there is also something that makes you feel a little bad ass about running in the snow.

All that being said, it has been pointed out to me that there is only 8 weeks until the New York City Half. Oh no!! This will more than likely bring fast paced runs which the snow and ice might wreck havoc with. I hope it doesn’t force me inside to the dreadmill!

This is the half that I really would like to hit what will probably be my max PR for a half ever. This is the elusive sub 2 that I am chasing. I will be content with this and can then hang up my speed shoes afterwards. (maybe) As the saying goes, “Don’t put off ’till tomorrow what you could do today.” This is kind of how I feel about this half.

As someone who will be turning another year older this year, I know that my time to pick up speed is short especially when I didn’t start off that fast. Not that I’m getting that old, but I will be getting to the point where I will have to say that I am in my mid to late 40’s. I am a Master Runner:) I once thought that title was assigned to elite runners. I didn’t know it was something that I could age into. It sounds impressive anyway to say that I am a Master Runner, so I’ll take the title even though I only earned it by the number on the calendar. I will continue to push the envelope as long as I am able to which will be a LONG while to come and today. Well maybe not today as I technically am still in recovery from my trail marathon, but soon. Very soon.

I’ve got to say though that I am a little apprehensive about it. I am thinking about what it will take to get me there or I should say how far I’m going to have to push myself to make it happen I think what might be making me nervous is the fact that my coach keeps telling me to make sure to follow her recovery plan for me as she wants me to go into my training recovered and rested. My question is “WHY?”

Maybe I don’t want to think about that today and just enjoy another 5 mile easy jog. The rest will come soon enough or more accurately the hard work will come soon enough.

I do also think of the expression that sums it up

dreams

So I guess my dreams are big enough, because the ones I’ve dreamed up this year scare me a lot!

What do you dream of doing that scares you?

Another Year Down

Jan6

As I plan for 2016, I paused to look back on 2015 and I have much to be proud and thankful of with my running. Sometimes I still can’t believe how far I have come. Sometimes I still can’t believe that I am a runner as that is not something I ever could have imagined. I am not the same though. People evolve, grow, and change. Even so, sometimes I forget that. Believe it or not some days, I still struggle with calling myself a runner which is kind of head scratching when I look at my running history. Last year alone, I ran many events including a marathon. On top of that I ran 1000 miles. Yet with all of these miles, I still struggle to call myself a runner. I might be a little mental…..

I’m not fast enough. I don’t know enough. I’ve walked in both marathons that I’ve completed. ect, ect, ect.

Then I remind myself that none of that matters. If any of my running friends said these things about themselves, I would shut them down. The same should apply to me…

I am a runner because I say I am. I am a runner because I run no matter the pace or distance. You don’t need to be the fastest to be a runner, you just need to be running.

Year

This is one of the reasons that I display my bibs, medals, and running pictures in my office area. It is a reminder to me of what I can accomplish if I dare to dream and I tend to dream big:) I also did a decent job of completing some of my goals for 2015. I didn’t complete them all which I’m ok with because I completed them all in one year then my goals weren’t challenging enough.

Here is the run down…

Complete the 9 plus 1 for NYCM entry – Check. Not only did I complete it, but I had such a great time doing it!
Run a Half Marathon in 2 hours – Nope. This one didn’t fit into my training plan as I was working more on endurance not speed. This year it will be back on the table.
Complete the Iron Girl with better time than last year – Didn’t meet this goal which really wasn’t a surprise as I did not train enough on the swim or the bike. I think this race will now be delegated to a run event where time doesn’t matter.
Run my first trail Half – I did this one well before I realized I would. I ran in in January and it was a surprise to me:)
A Bib a month challenge – With chasing the 9 plus 1, this one wasn’t that hard to accomplish. The hardest month to complete was actually February as February races in the east are hard to find. I ended up doing a virtual race with my MRTT group. Although I did add the Jingle Bell Jog in December to finish it off. Normally, I would not race in December.
Run the MCM – Semper Fi!! Would love to do this one again as it really was a great event.

Now time to reflect on goals for 2016. Some I can’t believe I’m not only dreaming about but already signed up for such as a 50K! But that’s for another day. Today is a day of refeclecting. Tomorrow is the day for planning:)

How did you do on your 2015 Goals?

Living an Authentic Life

Nov3

When you live an authentic life, you will have to deal with haters. Some you know in real life and some you only know in the virtual world. Not really sure why that is except maybe they are not living as authentic life as they pretend to be. Now I’m not saying that just because I live an authentic life, I put everything out there. Frankly, I don’t. Frankly, I don’t think that everything in my “real life” needs to be shared online especially because my blog is about my fitness journey. But as far as my fitness journey goes, I put it all out there pretty much. I think I’m up front and honest about my goals, my training, accomplishments, and even my failures. Failures are part of life and anyone who pretends they have never failed at something obviously didn’t get out of their comfort zone.

I’ve been out of my comfort zone since I got off the couch.

Then there are the people who like to throw the stones. These are the people who have something to say about everything except about themselves.

Starting on this journey 3 years ago was a major step for me. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I was by no means the athletic child. In my family, I was the heavy one. I still remember the time my doctor put me on a diet and I was trying to sneak an extra packet of oatmeal for breakfast. The horrors! I’ll be authentic and honest and say that growing up I did struggle with confidence, self-image, and whole host of other issues.

scan0188

Yup,

I’ll be honest, I don’t anymore.

It’s not that I think that I have a perfect body or am the best. In all honesty, there is no such thing as perfect and those who strive for perfection will only end up seeing the flaws anyway. It’s sad really. I reached the point in my life a long time ago where I realized to just accept myself for who I am. You know what? There are a whole slew of people that not only accept me but think I’m pretty swell too. I like me and that’s good enough for me. I am who I am now because of who I was then. I have the drive and determination that I do now because of the struggles that I had then whether those struggles were real or self imposed.

I will honestly say that I have changed since I started running. I’ve said it before. I, also, think these changes have been positive for not just my health but my life in general. It has brought so much to my life and I can not see a point in time where running won’t be in my life in the future. It has become part of my life. It is not just something that I do. It has become part of who I am.

I am a runner.

Yes, there will always be those who do not want to recognize the changes and will continue to try to put you in the box you used to be in. It bothers them when you go against what they expect of you. Yes, there are those who can not accept that you are allowed, encouraged, and supposed to grow and change in life. It is the process of life. The past can not be changed. It can be accepted or used as a reason to not move forward. I choose to move forward.

Do you live an authentic life?

Best Marathon Signs

Oct29

We’ve all done the long lonely training runs. We can all admit that they suck. Part of it really is not the running, because we all love that or we wouldn’t be doing what we are doing. Now I’m not saying that anyone has woken up early for a training run and thought, “I am so excited to be running 18 miles.” If they have, these are the people I worry about. We do them because we know that we need to do them. We do them because we are looking at the bigger picture. We do them because if we didn’t, we know that we probably won’t reach our goals and might not cross the finish line.

Somehow though running all those miles in a race is different. It’s actually easy to figure out.

The excitement of the start line.

The comradery of the everyone else lined up with you.

The bling at the end!

Cheering families along the course

Cheering strangers along the course

Great motivating signs!

I had all of these during MCM. I wish that I could have taken a picture of some of the great signs that I saw along the way. Being as I was running my heart out, I didn’t stop to take any pictures of the signs along the course.

First I MUST mention the Blue Mile. For those of you not familiar, this is a group that is dedicated to honoring our service members for their sacrifice and to remember all that was given. Their slogan is Wear Blue to Remember and you can find out more about them here. This was a VERY moving mile at about the half way point of the race where the have signs with pictures, names, age, and where the soldier died. The runners around me all went through this mile quietly. I know that as I looked at each the signs that I passed, I reflected on all those lost lives. So many. So young. Broken families. I wanted to cry for them. I wanted to run for them as a way of running for those that could no longer. Then at the end of this reflection, you depart into a sea of American Flags held by volunteers many of you know are there for personal reasons. They pumped you back up with high fives, cheers, and just being there. I can honestly say that this was the most memorable mile that I think that I have ever run in my life.

There were the other signs along the race. There were more than a few that made me laugh out loud. For real! So I thought that I would share them. For obvious reasons, I did not get any pictures of them as I was kind of busy running. So these pictures will have to do…

Then there were these two…

RUN TO FROM CONGRESS

YOU FEEL LIKE CRAP, BUT YOU STILL LOOK GREAT!

These are much, much, much better than “You’re almost there” which we all know is a lie!

What was your favorite race sign?

Living the Dream!

Oct13

As you read yesterday, I ran the Staten Island Half this past weekend. What I didn’t mention in this post though is that I did it! Now I don’t mean I did the Half because you know that already. I mean that I completed my 9+1 plan!!!!!

Words truly do not express how I feel about this. It is like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders as this has been months in the making having started this journey in January with Fred Lebow Half and ending with the Staten Island Half. The cherry on top is that not only did I qualify for running THE NEW YORK CITY MARATHON in 2016, but also the NEW YORK CITY HALF!!

Now, I know that I could not have completed this task alone. I would not have been able to do it. As the saying goes, “I get by with a little help from my friends.” In this case, I got by with a lot of help from my friends. First of all this is the amazing group of women who inspired me to push myself not only in my running but to push myself to dream of doing things I would have never thought possible for me. These are the women who showed me that with hard work and dedication I can do anything I set my mind to. These are the women who took a newbie under their wings when I didn’t even know anything about needing actual pace for a race. Remember my story of my first half? I have to admit that although there is still so much that I don’t know, I am no longer a newbie. They helped me in ways they don’t even know by never making me feel less because I am slower than them or didn’t know what I was doing. They shared themselves and their knowledge so willingly with me. These are also the women who without making it so fun to run, I would have stopped. Yes, I now love to run. Yes, I now need to run, but that all started with this group of women who got me to this point. There is also the logistics factor because with them I was able to make it to these races. Yes, I probably could have done it without them, but I’m not really sure that I would have wanted to or it would have been so easy to do. These are also the women that I have so much respect, admiration, and love for.

As we all know, I did not grow up dreaming of one day running the New York City Marathon. I was someone who grew up hoping not to be picked last in gym class, but that is the beauty of growing up. You realize that all that doesn’t matter because you no longer need to wait to be picked for anything life has to offer. You create your own future, dreams and if you work hard enough anything is possible. I may have come late to the party of wanting to run the NYCM, but I have now made that dream a possibility. It is in my reach and I just need to wait because it will happen. Although, I’m really not one to sit around and wait for things to happen anymore. So in the meantime, I’ll be out chasing other dreams.

What are your dreams?

How About Them Apples!

Sep6

I went for a run today. I know that is just shocking! The thing is today’s run was actually a thing of beauty. Now, I don’t mean that I looked spectacular while running because I’m pretty sure that never happens as the below is probably closer to the truth.

What I mean is that there are runs where everything just seems to come together and it is a thing of beauty. Today was such a day. To be honest, today was the type of run that I needed. We all know that I had let the doubts creep in, but this last week I’ve seem to push them aside. I’ve had a couple of good runs, but today was the money shot. Today was the all feared, all dreaded cut-down. The bane of my existence. A run that if I flubbed again would get inside my head.

I was ready for it. I kept reading my coaches email with words of encouragement. I read and reread a blog post she did called One Bad Apple. That post really helped because it made me realize that I was not the only one who did this and that it was up to me to remember the good runs.

I went into this run prepared.

I went into this run with the confidence.

I went into this run knowing that I could do this.

I remembered all the good runs that I had leading up to it. I knew that I could do it. I knew that I had done it in the past. I knew in this instance the only one holding me back was me. I also knew that I would need to change the way that I was going into these runs. I had to stop psyching myself out and instead look at them as the challenge they are supposed to be. Life without challenges would be boring. You may be shaking your head no, but think about it. What happens when things become to easy, you get bored and move onto something else. So I needed to take this challenge and go with it. I needed to steer into the skid and just enjoy the ride.

Not only did I hit all the paces that I wanted to, but I did them while feeling great doing so. Some runs you may hit your target pace, but it just feels so hard it makes you wonder why you are even doing it. Some runs, you do let it get to you making you doubt yourself. Then some runs the stars align and it all just seems to come together to remind you that this is what it is all about. These are the runs that must be held onto when the doubts creep in. These are the runs that we should remember. No not every run is going to give you the “runners high,” but you need to hold onto it. You need to internalize it. You need to remember.

It really is easy to let one bad apple spoil the bunch.

I found it more than a little poetic that I literately came across this apple towards the end of today’s run. It was almost like the universe was giving me a sign. It may have just been an apple that someone threw out their car window, but either way it was a reminder that are a whole lot more good apples waiting to be had as long as you don’t give up.

I’m not fooling myself into thinking that just because I had a great run today that my training is going to be easy or that every run is going to feel this way. I’m pretty sure that after my 16 miles tomorrow, I won’t be feeling so good BUT

I will remember

and

if by some chance I forget;

I know there will be people there to remind me.

Do you remember your good runs or your bad runs?

The Accidentally Running Mama

Run, Bike, Swim and Have a Life!

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