Blowing in the Breeze

I used to want to be a badass. I used to want it. Train for it. I used to want to push myself to and past my limits. There were no limits. There was only not working hard enough. Not pushing hard enough.

To Train

To Train hard

To be at “the top of my game.”

Now……. Let me be clear……… There is NOTHING wrong with that mentality. I get it. I’ve been there. I might get there again. Who knows. I know though…… I am not nor have I been there in a long time. I’ve been swaying in the breeze…. Ever so gently just seeing where I might land.

To be honest, I am not sure where I am right now. I just know it is not the balls to the wall give it all you got place right now. I have no desire to train hard. Most days I might not even have any desire to train. There is no wake up at the crack of dawn to squeeze a run in. There is no going out at night to make sure to hit my miles.

There is just going with the flow. I know that there are many reasons for this change besides being hypopara which may have been the catalyst for change, but change is inevitable anyway. I just don’t have the same drive. I don’t have the same commitment. I don’t have my running crew as we all are in different places. We trained together. We ran together. We raced together. Most of all running was about more than running.

So as with life, things change. People move. Peoples schedules change. Goals change…..

What many runners know too is that without in person events, it just isn’t the same. I often think to when I was growing up our family Minister was a runner. Something he picked up in the service. He went out for runs just to run. This was well before running became mainstream. I thought I had that mindset, but I realize that while I do love running I can’t wait to be at a starting line again. That being said, I am also not in a rush because I want to also do it safely. The thought of a major event (if any are even coming) brings on a bit of a panic attack. Like a serious one…… Not the OMG, she’s having a panic attack meme. Anyone else???? This pandemic has changed many of us in what we once never gave a second thought to, we will think long and hard about before diving in.

I have signed up for a trail race in October. While I don’t have time to train on trails like I used to this race is a friends favorite. Plus they required a waiver of proof of vaccination. I liked that. I respect that and things like that will go a long way to getting us back to normal even if it is a new normal.

6 thoughts on “Blowing in the Breeze

  1. Different stages of life sometimes throws us into a place with different goals than we ever thought we would have. As long as you are healthy and happy where you are now, there’s no real need to compare to what was. Sorry if I sound preachy. Don’t mean to.

    As for things that have changed for me….I am a hugger and love being around people. Mom and I started going back to in-person church a couple of weeks ago. I find that I really do NOT like someone sitting right behind me…breathing on me. Especially someone that I don’t know at all. I prefer to be in the back of the room, breathing on everyone else. LOL

    • I have hypoparathyroidism When my thyroid was removed, my parathyroid glands were damaged. So my body no linger produces PTH hormone which allows body to regulate calcium levels which impacts vitamin D, phosphate and magnesium levels too. Its a balancing act. Think a diabetic trying to maintain proper insulin levels without access to home monitoring

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