Archives

You Either Control it or it Controls You

They say you either control your fear or it controls you.   It’s not just an expression.   There is so much truth to that.  Fear can paralyze you.   Fear can keep you from reaching your dreams.   Fear can keep you from reaching your potential.   On the other hand….. Fear can keep you safe.    Fear can help you to make wise decisions.    Fear can help you to live to see another day.     Like everything in life, it is about balance.

Some people in order to control their fears ignore it.   They pretend real dangers don’t exist.   That somehow they are immune to the consequences.   They pretend that if they don’t give into fear that somehow that makes them stronger than what they are afraid of. But pretending the dangers aren’t real, don’t make them any less real.  It just makes you reckless and in some cases stupid.   That someone they are immune when you are not.

Some people go to the opposite extreme and let their fear paralyze them.   They refuse to try anything for fear of failure.   They shut themselves off from people, relationships, challenges and just follow the path of no fear.   They live a shell of their potential life and never each for the brass ring for fear of missing it.

A little fear is good .  A little fear makes you think about consequences.   Helps you make smart and safe choices.   Not too much that keeps your from trying, but enough to keep you trying smartly.     It won’t stop you from signing up for a marathon because you don’t know if you can do it, but will ensure that you plan to get to the finish line.    It won’t stop you from life, but will make you think about your life choices.

We are all at a crossroads now.    Everyone I know whose paying attention is thinking about what is going on in the world.   How much social distancing is enough?  Some wonder if they are even necessary.   Are the places we think we need to go really places that we need to go?  What are the consequences if we go.   Then making sure we wash our hands when we get there and when we get home.   If your lucky, you even have some hand sanitizer for the trip.

Then there are people right now thinking that they are stronger than this virus.   That they will continue to gather, go to races/group runs, and somehow that makes them braver and stronger than the rest of us.   It really doesn’t.   It makes them more reckless.

One of the definitions of fear is to have concern or anxiety.

One definition  of brave is to defy, challenge;dare

I don’t know about you, but I pretty much have anxiety and concern right now.   I also don’t wish to challenge the coronavirus to enter my home.    All you need to do is look to places like Italy to see that right now a little fear isn’t a bad thing.

The beauty of being a mostly solitary outdoor runner is that for now I can still be a solitary outdoor runner without actually being brave because my fear is making me smart.   Today I went for a 6 mile run on the trails.   I was not the only one on the trails, but I was by myself on them.   Passing, being passed, and going the opposite direction.   It was all good.   The sun was out.   The air was fresh.   Most of all it let the anxiety fall away.

I’ve been reading a book recently about mindful meditation.   It is about meditating where you are no matter what.   Becoming in tune to your surrounding.   So today while I was out, I put on no music and to be honest when your running the trails the sounds of them are music enough.   But today, I ran.   I noticed the swish, swish, swish sound that my jacket made as I ran.    I noticed the sound of my feet hitting the dirt.   I just took it all in and spent time in the moment.

It was enough.

 

Coming Out the Other Side

If you don’t get to spend time running trials, I think that you should still live life like you are out in them. You go out thinking, “how hard can it be.” You may prepare, but realize that your never as prepared as you should be.

The path is marked and you just run right in.

Somewhere during the run, you realize that the path is not marked as clearly as your wish or maybe you just miss the signs. Then you realize that you’ve made a wrong turn and maybe you’re lost. Although sometimes you are stubborn and foolish not admitting that you’ve gone the wrong way until you hit a dead end. Then you have to backtrack and find a new path. All the while learning to do better next time around.

Sometimes you are on the wrong path and don’t realize it. You are uncertain the right way and what you should do. You have to decide weather to be stubborn and move forward in the wrong direction. Sometimes foolishly because your don’t want to admit you’re on the wrong path. Once you admit your mistake, you can take the smart approach to turn things around and find your way.

All the while you must keep moving because if you stop, you are wasting time and will never get anywhere. So you keep moving. You will stumble some. Sometimes you will even face plant, but you can’t stay down in the dirt so you must pick yourself up. You realize that with each step you are closer to where you are supposed to be even if you aren’t sure where that will be yet. Eventually you will find your way even if it is not the original trail you expected to follow.

This may or may not be (ok yes it is) my run today on the trails, but as I was doing all of these things I thought about how this really how we live our lives. We never know what is coming. We often have to change our plans. There are stumbles with bruises, but the only choice is to keep moving forward. Looking back is only good to see how far you’ve come and eventually you get right where you are meant to be.

Often where we end up is not where we think that we would be, but that is the beauty of the adventure. Sometimes the adventure is not one we would pick, but we are that much stronger when we come out the other side.

So here’s to coming out the other side.

Restores the Soul

It’s funny how often in life as the saying goes, you don’t know what you have till it’s gone. It’s more than a silly cliché. It’s factual. Think of the people you know who….

Haven’t appreciated a spouce till after getting a divorce.

Didn’t truly appreciate a friendship until it’s too late.

Didn’t appreciate health until a diagnosis

Even the old…. Didn’t appreciate your youth until your too old.

All of these things and so much more is sadly true. Although sadly I think it might just be human nature that makes us this way. If your lucky though, you learn from each loss and appreciate the here and now. It’s a challenge though because it is so easy to fall into the trap again and again. This is why it is best to remind yourself to have a grateful heart. It’s not always easy to keep, but when you manage to do so life is so much better.

Today I did something that I have wanted to do for a long time. I hit the trails for a long run. I had wanted to do it last week after I saw my old running cohort post about meeting people for a trail run. I actually planned to surprise her, but it wasn’t in the cards. It was an “off” day for me and pushing to do the trails even if I had managed to make it off the couch would not have been good. And to be honest, I didn’t even make it off the couch that day. Unless you count when I went out to dinner that night. I guess we can count that and I am grateful that I did not need to worry about cooking dinner on that off day.

I’ll be honest, it took me a few days to get back to the swing of it all. Once I did, I really wanted to get to the trails. I used to run them all the time and can’t even remember the last time I made it to them. It’s been a while. Partly because it does require more time to run the trails. Partly because I wasn’t sure I was up for the trails. And partly because I’ve been nervous about hitting the trails again.

Today was the day to get out there. Weather was perfect. Been feeling good. Really was no excuse not to do it.

So I did.

When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw some of my Moms Run This Town Mamas getting ready to go out for their own trail run. It was nice to get a hug from them and see their smiling faces. I knew that I would not be at their pace, but I also knew that I really needed to do this on my own……

A friend texted me during the run asking how it was going. I texted back the first thing that came to mind.

It Restores the Soul

Truth. Running the trails again…… Something that I used to do all the time without a thought……. It was like taking back something that I felt was lost. I used to go out for training runs without a care. Now there is planning. When to take the Natpara. Do I take calcium before, during or after the run? How do I feel? It’s not just about grabbing some fuel, filling water bottles and going. I realize that one of the things that has kept me off the trails was fear. Fear of getting wonky on a run. Fear of not being able to do it. All kinds of crazy and some not so crazy fears, but if you let fear stop you from doing what you love then fear wins.

So while today’s run was not fast. While I acted like a tourist stopping to take pictures…… While I enjoyed the beauty of the trails….. While I soaked it all in……. While I just went out and did what I set out to do…… I had a heart of gratitude.

It Restores the Soul…..

I am so lucky for so many reasons. As I said in a Facebook post today, while the trail may be rocky; it is not impossible.

Things are only impossible if you let fear win. Fear did not win today and it has shown me that as always, it is a damn liar. So while I am still sore….. While I am tired…… While it was not easy…… It was also not hard and it was certainly not impossible.

I will be back and it’s nice to know while I was out running the trails alone today that I had support all along the way and I’ve also got some people who will make sure that next time I have company.

Trails and Friends…. Perfect together.

Friday Five – The Trail vs. The Road

Today I am joining in on the Friday Five with Courtney at Eat Pray Run DC, Cynthia at You Signed Up for What and Mar at Mar on the Run.

5 Ways a Trail Race is SOOOO very different than a road race.

No matter the distance, running on the trails is so much different than running on Satan’s Tar as my friend refers to the road.   The only real similarity is that your feet are moving, but running trails has a whole different feel than running on the road besides the obvious surface area.  Some of these things may just apply to me too:)

The Vibe

Yes, road races can and often do have a “party” atmosphere but underneath it there is a different feel.   At the start line, most people are checking their Garmin, thinking race strategy, and just the underline tension of trying to meet a sub 2 half or goal.  For me,  I’ve experienced none of that at my trail races.   Now this may be on me as usually when I do a trail race, I take the wait and see approach.   My goal for the 50K was to finish and not to die while finishing.   Lofty goals, I know.    But I also know that trails are different and even the same trail on a different day will need to be run different.     Now if somehow I were to go back to the Dirty German again next year (ahem, just saying), I would still have the same goals but maybe with the added goal to be more consistent on the second loop.

The Aid Stations

Oh my God, the aid stations.   There is no comparison here.   None.   The aid station on a road race is all about efficiency.   Getting runners in and getting them out in a seemless move.   In a trail race, it is a smorgasbord of goodies.    Peanut M&M’s, Twizzlers, PBJ sandwiches, SODA, and so many other things.   I will say my favorites are soda and M&M’s.   Yummy!     I think I finished my 50K on sugar alone:):)

aiddirtygerman

(Photo from Dirty German Website)

The Bathrooms

Ok, they are basically the same.   A line of Port-a-Potties.   The difference is on the course.   Now maybe I shouldn’t go here, but I will……    Yes, on any given race you will see a man run behind a tree or next to a bridge or what ever.    I always hate it because I think it is unfair to us woman who don’t have the luxury.    Well on more than one occasion on the first loop, I saw two different women running in front of me who veered to the side to squat behind a tree.   Don’t judge.

Walking

I’m not sure why but I often feel like walking is looked down upon in road races.   Not by me as I have yet to complete a marathon where I haven’t walked and I’ve had some half marathons where I’ve also needed to walk.  It happens.    It’s just not the “norm.”   That being said, walking is expected during parts of a trail race.   My coach even pointed out that there are some places on the trail that walking is really more efficient and ” everyone walks, except for the elite few.”   Going into every trail race/run I’ve done, I knew that there would be parts that I would walk.   It is the nature of the beast.   The only problem is to make sure to start running again!

DG3

The Spectators

If you are someone who feeds off the crowds at a road race to push through, running a trail race may not be for you.   I say this because outside of the start/finish line and the aid stations, there are no crowds.    You for the most part on on your own.   As you can see there are not lines of people there to cheer you on, but those there do!  Yes, you will start with a crowd of people but the further you run the more spread out the runners become.   I started with the crowd and by the time I was nearing the end of my first lap there were only a few people near me.    The second lap I was for the most part on my own.   Be prepared for some alone time which I tend to like.   If you don’t like that make sure to have a running buddy then.

I will say that I am a mixture of both.   I do love the trails, but I also like the road.  No matter if your a road runner, trail runner, or a bit of both there is enough roads and trails to make us all happy.

Which are you?

Slowing Down Isn’t Always A Bad Thing

Someone once said  to me that if I was a running dog that I would be a working dog like a husky.   At the time, I took offense to it but now I think I would like to own it proudly.    As a matter of fact, I know that I would.   I would be happy to have the running power and stamina of a husky.

siberian-husky-running-through-garden

Besides look how magnificent they look while running.   But that’s another issue.

What has become apparent to me is that for some strange reason, just like the husky, I’ve developed a desire to run and run far.    I actually think that depending where I’m running that I would rather do a long slow run than a quick short one.

Yes, that boggles my mind too!

Now maybe this talk is just because I’m having such a good recovery after my trail marathon.    I don’t know.   I do know though that it is NOT that the trail was easier than a road marathon.   It is just that they really are two very different beasts.    Both road marathons that I have ran I reached a point where I questioned my sanity, I couldn’t believe how stupid I was to sign up for it, and I did hit the proverbial wall.   None of these things happened out on the trail.    NONE.    I’m not sure why.

Yes, both races are technically the same distance.   Although, I do believe that a trail marathon is actually longer but that  will happen.    I think there were a few major differences for me and maybe part of it was because I didn’t approach it like a race.   I went into this with no time limits, no set paces,  nothing.   I went into my trail marathon like I was going for a normal run.  I didn’t watch my pace at all.   There in lies the difference.   It’s not that I wasn’t pushing myself but especially (for me) on muddy trails there is only so fast I can go.    When I ran my MCM I kept a fairly steady pace the entire race of about 10:30 while my average pace on the trails was about 13:30 with some miles hitting 16.

Now don’t think that just because I was running slower that  I wasn’t working.  Trails are a different beast than Satan’s Tar as Dawn now refers to roads.   One of the reasons my pace is so much slower on the trails besides needing to run them more often is that  I approach them with caution.   They are muddy.   They are filled with slipper rocks.   There are places that you really need to pay attention to which doesn’t always happen on the roads.   When running the roads especially in a closed course race, you really can just zone out.   You can never zone out on the trails unless you want to eat the dirt or worse.

Now, the side effect of running slower does mean that you have more time on your feet.   I ran MCM officially in 4:38:18.   I ran this event officially 6:30:08.    So the slower pace does add up.   That being said as far as the actual running goes, I think that I enjoyed the trail running more.   My mother asked me what motivated me to run for such a long time.   I had no answer on the motivation other than I just liked to run.   I’m not winning any races.   This event there wasn’t any bling or even a t-shirt.   It was just that satisfaction of knowing what I could accomplish and that was enough.

I have decided after this weekend’s event, that I really need to do more trail running.   More trail races.    Before this event, I was wondering what I was thinking signing up for the Dirty German.    Now I’m looking to see how I can squeeze more off road races into my schedule.

oh my.

Have your tried the trails yet?