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Down but NOT Out

Nov26

Patience

I’ve had surgery before.   I was prepared for that.    I know how to recovery from surgery and even though I’ve been told I’m a bad patient I think I’m a pretty good one.   I take my meds when I’m supposed to.   I’ve had more energy after having c-sections than I have after this procedure.   This I wasn’t prepared for.   I figured that I would bounce back to my normal self within a week.   Well it’s been a week and I’m not there yet.

For the most part I feel ok.   I’ve still got some soreness in my neck from the incision.   But there is more than that.   I’ve had some muscle pain in my shoulders and neck maybe from the way I’m holding my head.    Who knows?   Then there is the tingles, muscle spasms in the hand where my pointer finger locked up and I couldn’t bend it.   Didn’t last long but was freaky.   I want to feel like my normal self again.

I haven’t even  been doing much of anything.   To be honest, I’m not really ready to do much anyway.   I woke up today at 10:30 and by 2:30 I was ready for and took a nap.     This is not me and I don’t like it one bit.   Not at all.   Not to say that I haven’t been known to take an afternoon siesta on occasion, but this is different.    When I asked for advice, I was told rightly so that the body needs time to recovery from the trauma of surgery.   To think of how much energy it takes to recover from the flu and that one week really isn’t that much time.   I get this but patience really has never been my strong suit.   You might even say I’m an impatient person.

Add to the fact that this is my favorite time of year and I don’t feel like doing anything.   Although, I was very proactive and decorated my house presurgery so I do have that going for me.   I just thought that I would be back.

Today was the town Turkey Trot and as much as I loved seeing everyone’s photos, it did sting a little.   In my mind, I knew I wouldn’t be up to running it but my heart didn’t know it.   I’m also wondering what it is going to be like when I do finally get those running shoes back on.   Actually, I’m not even thinking of running.  (ok, I am).   I think that I will start with a walk.    That being said, I worry about how far and how fast I will be able to run once I get back out there.   It’s a concern.

A running friend who last year had the same procedure said that it will take time to make sure that I find the right dosage for my hormone levels.   I get that.   I just don’t like it.   Then I remind myself of the following:

  1.   In the whole scheme of things, this is nothing.
  2.  I’m very lucky that I have a supportive family/friends who are taking care of me
  3. That this is temporary
  4. People are dealing with much worse.

So it is all good, but I think I’m allowed and it is good to recognize the truth of how I’m feeling.

I may be down, but I’m not out….

 

 

Calling Dr. Google

Sep4

 

Even though I didn’t get out for my long run Saturday, I plan to do it Sunday morning.    Sometimes you have to change things up especially when life gets in the way.   I once again slept in this morning as honestly I’ve not been sleeping the best.   Problem was that I slept in too late to get a run in or I would be late for an important appointment.   I thought to myself, “no worries, I’ll just run when i get back from picnicking at my mother’s house.”

  Well when you don’t get home till almost 10:00 and you’ve got 12 miles on your schedule that run just isn’t happening.

Nope.

Now, it will have to happen in the morning.   Without a doubt.   I am getting and planning to stay back on track for my marathon training.   I’ve got reason to be committed (other than the obvious that I will be running the NYCM).   I now am 100% positive baring any injuries that I will be running.

What am I talking about you ask?

You did ask, right?

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So during this somewhat stinky summer, I had to get a biopsy done on 3 nodules on my thyroid.   I’m not a fan of needles in my neck, so I was more concerned with that than the actual biopsy.   I will say that according to my consultation with Dr. Google who my lawyer friend told me was not licensed to practice in this state; I had high expectations of being told that my thyroid would need to be removed.   The results came back fine for the bigger nodules, but they wanted to retest the smallest one as results were not conclusive.   Ok.   Another round of needles.   Yeah, me.

Waiting…..

Waiting….

Phone rings

“Hello this is So and So from Dr. So and So’s office.  Don’t worry the results don’t show C, but the Dr. would like for you to come in to go over your results.   She has an opening today.   Are you available?”

Yeah, that’s never a good thing.

Off I go to the Dr’s who says in a nutshell that the results are once again not able to determine if it is bad or good.   Blah, Blah, Blah more medical information.    Bottom line is we need to take your thyroid gland out.

Me, who expected this months ago but then pushed it aside after first round of tests is shocked.   My main concern because I’m a crazy runner, “Can I push it off till after NYCM?”

That’s totally rational.

“Sure no problem.   Call Surgeon So and So now though to set up appointment as he is in leadership position and it’s hard to get into see him.”

Following Dr So and So’s order, I call the next day and this hard to see Surgeon So and So can see me in two days for my consultation.

WHAT???

So this consultation was today.   I feel much better after meeting Surgeon So and So.   He gave me the clear ahead to wait till after the marathon, but not much longer after that.  I liked that he knew that my body would need to recover after running such a long distance and the fact that he said the surgeon who would assist him is also running NYCM.

So now this reignites the fire.   It removes the cloud that has been hanging over my training and it also adds a little motivation as he might ask how I finished in said race.   Would hate to not have a good finish time to tell him.

So while all is not perfect.   While I may be freaking out a little or a lot depending on the time of day, I’m better knowing what is going to happen.   There is a plan.   I’ve been told that I like a plan and it is true.

Time to get myself moving!

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Do you have a plan?

Yeah I Went There

Jul17

I’ve tried to deny it.   I’ve wanted to pretend it doesn’t affect me.    In truth I wish I could be done with the whole thing, but alas I’ve still got time to go and it seems to get worse as I near the end of it.   My husband wouldn’t be shocked, but don’t tell him that I am admitting to it; but I suffer from PMS.

Yeah I went there.

Apparently, there aren’t too many places I won’t go:)

Actually there are, but this is a normal thing that women have to deal with month after month after month.

People don’t like to REALLY talk about it other than the off hand comments or jokes, but it’s real.   It sucks and it’s real.

pms

    I always thought men were lucky at races zipping off to use a tree instead of being forced to wait for a porta potty but not dealing with this makes them even luckier.    I wonder if they have anything that effects their moods, water retention, and energy levels every month.    My husband may say me, but he best be careful what time of the month he says that!  Of course if men had to deal with this, it would be a medical epidemic that needed to be studied and a pill designed to fix it.

One thing I will say is that I do notice is that the older I’m getting, the worse it is getting.    Maybe it is because I’m hopefully nearing it’s inevitable end, but then I think there will be a whole host of other things to deal with.    Maybe it is getting worse because in years past, I wasn’t trying to do anything when suffering with it except maybe hide the chocolate and sneak in a nap.   Now I’m out there trying to run a workout and sometimes it just doesn’t work out.

Case in point.

  Friday I knew it was going to be hot, so I went to my local gym to run my cut-down.   I had 8 miles starting easy but getting progressively harder.   I knew it wouldn’t be easy to do in the heat and even though I hate treadmill running it needed to be done.   I get there realizing I forget my towel and also that I wont’ have enough time to do the whole thing.   Already decide to shorten it to 6.    Get set up and go.   By mile 2 physically, I’m moving right along.    Then my headphones die.   NO MUSIC!    They gym does have tv’s but they are all replaying/analyzing the tragedy in Nice.   Now I run to take a break from all the crap in the world.   I need this down time.  This is not what I want to focus on for the next hour.    I end up shortening the run to a 3.2 miles and calling it a day.   Quick miles, but not the miles I should have run and on any other day of the month I probably would have sucked it up.

The following day,  I had 10 miles on the books.   Again due to kids schedule, I know that I won’t have time to complete them all once I adjust (sloooooow down) my pace for the scorching heat (high 80’s – remember this is Jersey not Texas).    Get out there and even though I’ve been running in heat, somehow it feels even hotter.   I want to bag my run almost immediately.   My mind starts with “why are you sabotaging yourself after 2 great weeks of training”  and “what is the point of even doing this.”   The run is a struggle.   My mind is pure negativity.   I have muscle aches.   My stomach isn’t right. My pace is even slower than the slow pace I wanted.   Luckily, I run away from home, so there was no going back until I got in some decent miles.   I ended up finishing with 8 which I’m ok with, but it was not pretty.   I was ready at the end to hang up my running shoes by the end and not just for the day.

Then I had my aha moment.    It’s not that what I’m doing is pointless.   It’s not that I’m a sucky runner.    It’s not that I am trying to self sabotage.   It honestly and simply is that I was suffering (and if you’ve never experienced it you won’t understand why I used the word suffering) with PMS.   Men think it’s an excuse.   Men don’t think it’s real, but the fact is that it affects a lot of us in various ways. It’s also not funny.   I’m just really starting to realize how it affects me.    I so can’t wait to be done with it all.

There is an upside

not much, but I always try to find the silver lining.

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I think that PMS makes me a stronger runner mentally.   It sometimes wins the battle, but the fact that month after month I have this negative voice in my head that I have to shut down and work around makes me stronger. It’s like having to prove to the bully that teases you that you aren’t good enough that in fact you ARE good enough.   Then there are the aches, pains, and tenderness that come with it.    I still run through them (most of the time).    This will help on those hard and long runs.

I’m not saying that PMS effects every woman.   I’m not saying that even those that deal with it have the same issues that I do.   This is just me:)

I know I’m not the only one.   I just might be the only one to put it out there:)

 

 

 

 

Hitting the Ground with Both Feet Running….NOT!

Mar29

So after recovery from my NYC Half, the plan was to hit the ground with both feet running.  Get  right back to 50K training.  Recover went well and I was just about to get into the swing of things.   I knew what needed to be done and planned on doing it.   To the point that I knew that I wouldn’t be able to run my cut-down on Easter Sunday, so I wisely thought I would do it Saturday night.

I put all my blink on and was ready to go.    If only walking wasn’t so hard.   Before I even got to the end of my street, I twisted my ankle..    I twisted it good.   I thought this was one of those where you land wrong and just need to work it out.   So I went with it.   First mile I could still feel it.   Thought well maybe I just need to work it out a little more.   Second mile I was pushing the pace for my cut-down.   I was on target.    Then I picked it up slightly after the second mile and before I got to mile 3, I was swearing up a storm.   My ankle/foot was killing me.   This is when I realized that I should have turned around and gone back inside before my run even started.  It hurt so bad, I entertained the thought of calling my hubby to come pick me up.  I  didn’t want to get the look though.    You know the look like “well why are you running in the dark anyway?”    So I decided it wasn’t too bad and I slowed the pace down and worked my way home.

By the time I got home and showered, my ankle/foot was swollen.   A friend who saw my picture said it looked angry.   It certainly was behaving that way.    I had only hoped that running 5 miles on it didn’t make it worse.    And knowing how good veggies are for the body, I thought it prudent to put some on my foot before bed.

foot

Easter Morning comes and although less angry, it hurts more to walk on it.   Luckily I have an ace bandage that I put on it and plan on taking it as easy as possible.  Rest.  Ice. Heat.  I was also very thankful that I wasn’t hosting Easter dinner.   At my Mom’s I was questioned more than once about my running and my ankle.  It was pointed out that if I had a problem walking maybe I shouldn’t be running.  GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Anyway I am nearing the end of day two.   The ankle is still tender, but when I woke up this morning it felt so much better.   I was able to walk normally.   I still put the bandage on and rested it as much as I could which wasn’t a lot.  By the end of the day, I was ready to put my feet up as it was painful.   I tried jogging a few feet in my living room to test it out.   That was an emphatic NO GO.

So more rest.   Per my coach I am going to try to get some swimming in but no pushing off the walls and just dragging my feet.   More for the aerobic factor of it.  Maybe a little mental too.

All I know is this is NOT how I envisioned hitting the ground with both feet for my 50K training.   Although I know that I’ve already been in training doing several looong runs.   Today was supposed to be my second 18 miler which obviously didn’t happen.   I just know though that I need to go slow because the last thing I want to do is make it worse especially as I get further into my training.

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I’m thinking by the end of the week, I will be ok to run.   One day at a time.  I just don’t like this at all.   Not one bit.

Waiting is the Hardest Part

Apr22

Tom Petty said it best.

Waiting is the Hardest Part.

 Patience

Patience has never been my strong suit.   Never.   Even as a child.   I was the kid who would find her Christmas presents.  Then carefully open them.   Peak inside and then even more carefully wrap them back up again.   My Mother didn’t know until I was an adult that I did such things.    What could she expect though when she just kept them in a corner of her room?  But as often, I digress.

I am trying to become a more patient  person.   Having Children does help a little.  Although, admittedly, they try it more than I would like.   As an adult though, you can no longer open things before they are ready.   There are times when there is no choice but to be patient.   Gardening is teaching me that.   It’s hard, but I’m learning that I need to have vision.   I planted what hopefully will be a beautiful flowering and full perennial garden.

Garden3 Garden

Patience.

But I want it now.

I must develop the

Vision to see what is not there.

Yet.

Garden2

Just because I planted in on Monday does not mean that it will be flowering by Tuesday.

I want it to, but that just isn’t the way life works.

Patience.

Life will teach it to you whether you want it to or not.   There really is no other choice.   Everything happens in it’s own time and as much as we want we can’t make some things happen any faster.

Patience.

My Plantar Fascitiis will teach me patience weather I want it to or not.   I would like to think that the Cortisone shot would make it all better and believe me it did make it better.   That being said it really is only a bandage.   Yes, I have been able to get out of bed the last two mornings without pain (yeah!).    Yes, I have been able to stand up without a shooting pain in my heel (yeah!).   But it’s not really over, I was reminded of that by mid afternoon when I felt some discomfort in my heel.

  Patience.

I must remember that just as it took a while for the pain to become part of my day, it is going to take some time for it to no longer be a part of it.

Patience.

Just like planting flowers requires consistent watering and weeding to grow, recovery will require consistent stretching and mindfulness of it.

Patience.

I will learn it.

I will master it.

I won’t like it, but what choice do I have.

As they say, the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Are you a patient person?

Patience.

Just as I suspected…..

Apr20

157-keep-your-eyes-on-the-prize-not-the-obstacles

Lots to talk about this week with running of the Moore/Fitness Half Marathon yesterday.   I’m going to shelve that till tomorrow though, because I need to blog (process) my first visit to the Podiatrist today.   You can only ignore things for so long and I was finally at that point.

If you recall, way back in the way back of August 2014, I self diagnoses myself in I wish I had Happy Feet.   Now I am not abdicating self diagnosis via the web because more often than not your symptoms will have you thinking the worse.   This one though was a pretty cut and dry case making for easy diagnosis.

Obviously since this has been an ongoing issue, it really was time to seek someone who actually has a degree hanging on their wall.   I had made an appointment with a doctor that was not near me, but came highly recommended.    I wans’t sure if I wanted to go that far, but when they called to reschedule because they realized the doctor wouldn’t be in the day of my appointment I took that as my cue that I wasn’t meant to go there.   That same day, I came across a card for a local and I mean 5 minutes from my house local podiatrist.   I took that as my cue that I should go there.   No, I’m not really that flakey (ok, maybe I am), but it seemed like the thing to do.

I made this appointment for the day after yesterdays half.   I figured that way if any issues came up, I could deal with them while they were fresh.    That’s exactly what we did.   Luckily, I had also prepared for this appointment by getting a pedicure last week.   Highly recommend that option always.   Anyway, back to today.

I go into fill out all the insurance forms only to realize that I have every kids card, the prescription card, the dental card, but not mine.  Luckily, the woman was nice and just took the information off of one of my kids cards.   I promised, promised, promised that I would bring it in with my next visit.   Then back to the room I go to wait.

Nurse comes in to take all the pertinent information.   The only question that I stumbled on is on a scale of 1 to 10, how much pain.   The reason I stumbled is because pain is subjective and to me I just pushed through it.  Sometimes, not well but still I usually push.   We gave pain a 4.   Although there were days I would have given it much higher.   All set for doctor now.

At the beginning of the conversation, I made it clear that I’ve got a lot going on running wise.   I through out there that I am doing the 9 plus 1 and then have the Marine Corps Marathon in the fall.   I just wanted him to be clear that sitting on the sidelines really wasn’t an option.   He got the message and I got the diagnosis that I expected and one that I suspected but would not dare say out loud.    Morton’s Toe which I already knew and Plantar Fasciitis which I dared not think of.     When he said the words, he knew that I wasn’t happy, but he had some recommendations on how to deal with it.

1.   Stretches.   Not once a day, but throughout the day.   This will help stretch (obviously) the muscle to lesson the pain.

2.  Orthotics – He did not push the custom one, but being I have 2 different issues and will be running and running and running, I went with this option.   I am getting the ones especially for sneakers.   I hope this is the magic pill.

3.   Cortisone Shot –   Hopefully this will bring me temporary relief until the orthitics come in 3 weeks.

4.   New running shoes – Wouldn’t want to ignore the doctors orders!   So shopping I must go.

So I wonder if this now makes me a 100% of a runner now that I have “feet problem.”    I always said that my body was not designed for running and I guess this is one more thing to prove that point.   Too bad that i never follow the beaten or easy path;)

Have you ever and an injury from running?