It’s funny how things work. I started my blog way back when just to keep track of my fitness journey. When I started and even now, I write my blog for me. Really. It’s my way of processing things and expressing myself. I’m always surprised that anyone reads it, but I do know that there are a few who follow my journey. Even with that, when I write; I don’t think of that and write for me. If I didn’t I might not put it all out there as honestly as I do.
So first of all, if anyone is reading this….. Hi there:)
Now I’ve been pretty open about how much my running has sucked lately and how disappointing I’ve been. Again, I do this because writing helps me to process things and sometimes it even gives me an Aha moment. Then sometimes, someone will send me a message or a comment to open my eyes to that not only are people reading but they have insight and words of wisdom too.
Then sometimes you get a message from someone unexpectedly. Someone who I’m shocked my blog even makes her reading list. Someone who if you look up badass runner in the dictionary will have her picture and stats. Someone who inspires me and leaves me in awe. Someone who honestly I would now be too embarrassed to run with, but know that she wouldn’t bat an eye at taking a run with me. She’s just that awesome.
Anyway, sometimes it helps to hear things that you know to be true but somehow it rings truer when coming from someone whose badassness can’t be questioned.
“Try to not apologize for pace or distance. You got out there. That’s it! You ran! You sweat! You put in the hard work! You feel pain and elation! Focus on the feeling not the pace. Fuck it.”
“In the end, it’s not about your pace or your time. It’s about the journey”
“Don’t run for anyone else. Run for yourself.”
These are words that I know are true. These are words that I’ve tried to tell myself too, but somehow when I said them to myself I felt like I was copping out or making an excuse. Now she is not the first to say these things to me, but somehow when I read her message to me, I really just wanted to cry.
She (and others) have been right. I’ve been too focused on pace and distance. I’m doing the best I can on any given day. Like everyone some days are better than others. As long as I’m doing what I can, what more can I ask for? I’ve always ran for me. I’ve ran because I enjoy pushing my limits and the actual feel of running. I think somehow I got caught up in a bit of a pity party. Kind of stupid actually.
I need to focus on the basics which is running to run. Running because it is what I want to do. I need to remember that this is actually something that I both want to do and enjoy doing. No one is making me run. This isn’t gym class.
I need to find the joy!
So today I went out for a run (shocking). Before I left though, I turned my Garmin to only show me distance and time of day. I set my timer for my 3 to 1 walk ratio and out the door I went. I ran on feel. I ran to run. I ran for me.
You know what?
I had a great run. I don’t mean pace or distance. Truth be told, I wanted to do 12 today but due to time restrictions I only got 7 in. During the run, I went only by the way my body went and it felt good. I know if I had had the time that 12 would have happened today and I would have felt good about it. I also felt good about the 7 that I was able to do because they were a happy 7. I ran by feel. I walked when the timer went off and ran again when it beeped again.
Now I will admit that I am never going to run without my Garmin. Just not going to happen. What I can do though is like today take the focus off it and put it back on the run. The funny thing is that when I allow my body to do it’s job, it knows what to do. Today I did not feel choppy in my run. I did not feel pressure. I just enjoyed the beautiful running weather. When I did download my run though, I did notice something. I was pretty consistent in it.
So maybe it’s time to just say….