I’ve already learned or should I say…. I’ve already made the mistake of crashin and burning at one marathon. I went out WAY too fast in New York running the first half like I didn’t have 13 more to go. I suffered the consequences when I hit the wall and hit it hard. I didn’t get my A, B, or even C goal. I just squeaked in under the 5 hour mark which was my last resort. All that being said, when I hit the wall, I was able to maybe not climb over it but I was able to push through it. I made it to the finish line.
Here is the thing though…
I don’t want to admit it. I want to pretend that I am exactly where I was a year ago, but every run proves me wrong. I need to get my head screwed on straight and do it quick.
Yes I talk about it all the time, but it is past time that I stop pretending the I’m “recovering” from an injury at this point in time. Yes, I did need to recover from my surgery. Yes, there was a recovery time, but I am no longer recovering. What I am dealing with is a lifelong illness.
Blah.. Blah… Blah…. Blah.
Yes, I talk about it all the time. I think about it even more.
Right now though, I can’t both train for the distance and try to get my speed back. There might come a time where I can hold the pace, but that time is not now. And lets face it, I’m not getting any younger. In two years I’m reaching a big milestone and people generally don’t get faster the older they get. I’m pretty sure that I will not be that anomoly.
Does it suck?
Could it be worse?
Am I lucky?
Do I have a choice?
Here is the thing…. I can push myself to run a faster pace, but it is not a pace that I could hope to keep for a marathon. It’s not even a pace that I can keep for a 5K.
Reality bites as they say.
So once again, I am faced with deciding if it is worth pushing my body to hit the wall in Chicago or if I want to make it to the finish line. I’m pretty sure that I can’t do both. I’m pretty certain that my training will go a lot better when I start facing the reality of where I am today. Today, I am at a walk run ratio. This does not mean that when I am running that I should be hitting under a 10 minute pace or even under 9 which I briefly did. I’m not there yet. Maybe once again but not today and certainly not in the 47 days till Chicago.
What to do? What to do?
As a runner who likes numbers, it is hard to run/walk because when running alone I tend to push the run faster than I should. I worry that I will do that in Chicago. It is always hard in any race to hold back even when you know you should.
I think what I realistically need to do is just say out loud that I may not run a 5:00 marathon. I really am not sure what I can do, but am willing to find out. I have to train to keep my runs where they should be which is no faster than a 10:45 pace. I have to stop worrying about my average pace. I have to say….
This is ok.
This is where I am.
The goal is to finish.
That is enough.
It has to be.