A friend reached out to me after my last post which if you read this one, I really appreciated (so thanks). She felt the need to send a hug my way. In talking to her about doing Chicago this year, I said that even if I’m the last person to finish Chicago that I want to do it. Her reply was accurate in that even if I “don’t do it (this year) it doesn’t make you any less of a runner.”
The problem is that I want it. I think I need Chicago more mentally than anything else. It is my way of literally giving the middle finger to this stupid thing call hypoparathyroidism. I know very mature.
Although in chatting with my friend, others with the my issue, and giving some thought; I know it’s time (at least for now) to reevaluate my running expectations. One of my goals as a runner has always been to run a full marathon without walking. Even perfectly healthy, I was never able to accomplish. I’ve also had a goal of running a 4:30 (and in the back of my mind faster) marathon. But it is time to reevaluate my goals. It’s time to be realistic of where I am today. Right now. Down the road, I might be able to get back to these goals but I need to make goals based on reality.
There are moments when I wonder why do I feel the need to push myself to do this. Then there are moments when I wonder why wouldn’t I push myself to do this. These thoughts are the same thoughts that I had previously. These are thoughts that I think anyone who pushes themselves beyond their comfort zone gets. And you know what I have said more than once…..
Some people think that being a bad-ass runner means running 100 miles, running a marathon, running a half marathon, or running fast. These are all great feats and a challenge to anyone who pursues them.
Here is the thing though…… Anyone can be a bad-ass. It is about pushing your limits. Pushing yourself to do what was once impossible for you and making it possible.
Everyone has to start from where they are and I must remember that I am not where I used to be and that is ok. That doesn’t mean I will always be where I am today either. There are people who have this disease and have completed Iron Man events. I am also not the only one training Chicago with it either. I am just new at it. It will take time to learn what my body needs.
Nothing is impossible.
Someone in my online group posted the following
” Pushing your endurance is hard. However its painfully destructive with hypocalcemia BUT you feel so much better emotionally, physically, and cognitively. So you can do it. Just move, with hydration and proper nutrition! You are stronger than this!”
A friend gave me the best advice today.
She said very simply,
“Be Kind to yourself.”
She is so right because often we are kinder to others than ourselves. I am going to take her advice into my training. Not to the point that I won’t push myself, but to recognize where I am is ok. To recognize that I need to think more about hydration, nutrition, and recovery than I did before. To know that no matter what it is enough as long as I am doing the best that I can do.
We really can’t ask any more of ourselves.
So be kind to yourself to. Know that you are enough. Know that it is ok not to win as long as you showed up.