While this blog is called the Accidentally Running Mama, I’ve decided that I’m going to be the purposefully taking a break from Running Mama for a bit.    I’m not done running.   I’ve got many more miles in me, but I realized that for now running is not bringing the joy to me that it once did.   There are a variety of reasons, but I think the best way to find the joy is to take a moment.  

I’ll be honest, the only thing that motivated me and kept me running these last few months is that I was running for Sandy Hook Promise.   It was never about the running, it was about them.   Now that I do not have that incentive and need to run for me, I just don’t want to.

I have been pushing myself these last 2 years since my surgery.   First recovering from the actual surgery.   Then running Chicago Marathon just to prove that I could still run a marathon.   Then as I just said, NY was not about me but about a cause very near and dear to my heart.    Now it is well past time that I intentionally sit back, reassess where I want to go and how I want to get there.    What is the point in reaching a destination if your not sure that’s even where you want to go.

I admit that I’ve let myself get sucked in.   I’ve let myself be ruled by the what ifs.   The maybes.   The it could happen.   When you do that, you don’t live to the fullest.   You live in the shadows and miss out.   So I’ve been living in the shadows so to speak.   I’ve been pushing forward pretending that I didn’t need this breather, but I do.

I need to take a moment for a few reasons:

In order to keep my urine calcium levels in normal range, I have been keeping my blood calcium under the normal range.   While this has been good for my kidneys, overall it has not been good for me.   The lower calcium blood levels cause fatigue, depression, muscle cramps, muscle spasms’ just to name a few.   Now while it might seem like I am complaining, I also know how lucky I am because there are many who have it so much worse than me.   That is where I’ve been living in the shadows.  Almost waiting for the other shoe to drop and trying to pretend that the shoes are on tight.

I’ve been talks with my doctor to possibly take a daily injection of the hormone my body no longer produces (PTH).   This has been very successful for many.   Allowing them to reduce their medications and supplements.   It is a scary concept because this medication does come with a warning label for bone cancer although I’ve been told that there have been no reported cases.   I’ll be honest, I watched my brave father-in-law die of bone cancer and I don’t think I could be as brave as him.   Plus, I’m only turning 50 this year and I’m not sure what the long term effects of this would be besides the fact that it is ungodly expensive.   Like Seriously, you could buy a house some places for the cost of it for a year.

Anyhoo….. While I ponder the above, I’ve decided that I need to step out of the shadows.   While I have no idea what my calcium levels are since you can only find out with a blood work, I have added an extra 250 mg of Calcium to my regime a day.   And yes, I mean regime….. 4 times a day remembering to take my pills which is why I use a daily pill box.   I can tell though that this small addition has made a difference.  I can actually now make it through most days without NEEDING (like can’t keep eyes open) to take a short nap.   My face no longer passes the Chvostek sign test.  My mother thinks it makes my face look like it wobbly like jello.    That being said, I do not think I’ve raised my calcium high enough to cause other issues because my legs still cramp at night.

On top of that I do believe that I’ve got some foot issues.   My guestimated diagnosis is Morton’s Neruoma but I’m only using Dr Google.  Although I’ve got no clue.   I’m waiting till January to see Podiatrist  if it is still bothering me.   I’ve got a valid reason to wait… Insurance.   Anyway if I am right and even if I’m wrong, resting my foot is usually a recommendation.  

I’ve also decided that I’m going to take this time to start eating healthier.   Adding more natural minerals into my body.   Mainly Calcium and Magnesium.   This past week I have started on this journey by beginning my foray into juicing which I will share in a later post.

And finally, I need to get back to the gym.   Besides the obvious reasons, I do think it will also help me to learn how far I can push myself which has become more of a mental issue.

Anyway, even though I am not going to be running, I am also not planning to sit still.   I hope to be as productive as I can be during this crazy time of year.   But I think for me, at this time, this is what I need.