Looking Forward Not Back

It’s funny the things that a person can find inspiration in.    I was reading to my son before bed.   We were reading Geronimo Stilton A Very Merry Christmas because you know it’s Christmas time already.  (Yes, we have jumped the shark a little, but don’t worry I don’t have my decorations up yet).   Anyway as I’m reading, this jumped out at me.

“I didn’t know if I could go on. I was exhausted.  But I couldn’t give up now. I had to prove to myself.”

No I am not a mouse on an adventure in New York City, but these words jumped off the page at me.   I thought immediately that this is probably how I am going to feel on Sunday.   Hopefully I won’t feel this way till well after mile 20, but one never knows.  I need to remember these words.  When I think of the actually number of miles that I will be running on Sunday, it boggles my mind.  So I try not to think of it.   It’s just another long run with lots of people in a big city.  I wonder why not only am I doing it, but why I’m paying good money to do it.    It really is a strange concept but to know that I will be willingly pushing myself to the limit as never before  is both exciting and scary.

I have been inspired by many Mama runners some that I know personally and some that I only know from what they share on their blogs.   They push themselves inspiring me to push myself like never before.   Because of them, I believe that I can do things that were unimaginable to me before.   It’s a beautiful thing when instead of constantly telling yourself that you can’t do something that you start to asking yourself,

“Why Not?”

Honestly,

Why Not?

All my life, I was typecast.   I allowed it to happen.   I’m breaking the mold now.   I’ve been doing it for a long time, but there has always been a part of me still stuck in the mold.  This is my time to prove to myself not to anyone else but myself that I can do anything I want.  Totally shattering the mold.   I am no longer the “fat kid” who when I look at pictures really wasn’t that fat.   I haven’t been that  person in a long time even before I started on this journey, but I always carried a small part of her with me.  A tinge of her doubts.  She has made me the person that I am today and I owe this to her.   I owe it to the strong determined woman that I am today.   I will push myself like I’ve never pushed before all the while knowing that there is no reason I can’t do it.

I’ve also been told by a few people recently that my journey is inspiring them to start on their own personal journey as each journey is unique and personal.   If you had ever told me that there would be a day that I would be inspiring other people, I would have flat out told you that you didn’t know what you were talking about.   There was a time that I couldn’t even inspire myself but those days are gone.  Long Gone.   It’s not that I am some super athlete because I’m not.   Not even close. It’s not because I am super knowledgeable about running because I’m still learning.  But I think I make up for not being a “traditional athlete” with sheer determination.   I’ve said it before, I can be one determined SOB.

Eye on the Prize.

157-keep-your-eyes-on-the-prize-not-the-obstacles

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