So today’s post may be a little different, but I’m a little different. So here goes.
There are people in your life that are suffering. I would take it one step further and say that there are probably multiple people in your life suffering. Suffering silently but suffering just the same suffering. I would bet that some you would never guess were anything but the happy go lucky person you think them to be. Some may be suffering with anxiety, some depression, or some even a physical issue that is not obvious. And just because you do not see their pain, see how hard they hold it together, or see how to anyone looking that everything really is not ok. I will further say that often that people who suffer quietly, suffer from more than one thing. Often they go hand in hand.
It is easy to miss the clues of their suffering becaue to be honest they go out of their way to make sure that no one sees it. There are a multiple of reasons, but shame is a big factor. Then there is the “I don’t want to bother anyone” factor. Then there is the lack of understanding. Maybe they’ve opened up but it was missed. Some try to understand. Some want to understand. Some will never understand. Worse is the one who hears you, but thinks your exaggerating or it’s not a big deal.
To each person struggling no matter what the reason, it is a big deal.
Often when someone opens up about their struggles, it is hard for the person hearing it. I get that. I’ve been on both sides of this equation. It is uncomfortable. You don’t know what to say. You try to make it better, but often words fall flat. Sometimes it is the words. Sometimes it is the receivers perception. Sometimes it is both. Sometimes we are battling our own demons that it is hard to recognize someone else’s. That is why it is all so difficult, complicated, and hard.
In my life, I have suffered from all of the above circumstances. Sometimes they go hand in hand. Sometimes they are minor. Sometimes they are not. Often though they are invisible. Often it would surprise people. I was once told by someone when I was sharing something about my struggles with hypoparathyroidism that “everyone has their own shit” which is true. Although this person was telling me this as a way to tell me that I should basically just deal and be quiet. Nice. I know. Nice.
For me sometimes it is just about wanting someone to recognize what your going through. That is it. Recognize that the struggle is real. Recognize that no it must not be nice that I NEED a nap by mid afternoon. Not the I’ve had a long day, I’m tired nap. The if I don’t close my eyes for at least 15 minutes I am going to fall to the ground tired because I can no longer function as a human nap. That when I go through periods where I’m getting out of bed like I’m 80 because my muscles are sore, that I use the wrong words because my brain has brain fog, or that my body can not do what it should be able to do and that these symptoms as others come and go. That sometimes there may be depression or anxiety that comes with these low calcium levels. That I’m not asking for your pity. I’m not asking you to fix anything. Sometimes a…. “that sucks” response is enough. That’s all it takes some days.
For those that struggle no matter what the battle, they know that yes everyone has their own issues. They know that often you must put on a happy face because like when the cashier at the gracery store asks how you are often people in your life want the canned response too. Some days, you can give it. Some days you can’t and on those days you realize why you keep it to yourself.
Here’s the thing though….. We shouldn’t be keeping these things to ourself. Those in our circle do want to know. They want to know when your crying in your car because your devastated by something in your life, they want to know how to help you. But we are all human and sometimes we are too stuck in the weeds ourselves, so we fail. We fail ourselves. We fail those that we love. We are all human and the only way we are going to get through this thing called life is with each other.
We also need to forgive those that have failed us. For those in my life that I have failed, I am truly sorry. We need to recognize that people in our lives are not perfect, but that doesn’t mean they love us any less or don’t want to be there when we need them.
“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.”
― Regina Brett
This saying could not be more true. So my thought for today is to remember to be kind to each other. Remember that we are not perfect and most of all remember you are not in this alone.