I am almost there. I have been (for the most part) sticking to the training. I have been doing what I need to do. I’ve been pushing. I’ve been smart. That being said…….
Part of me feels drained. Part of me wonders if this is it. I’m going into this event trained and it shows. Part of me feels like I’ve hit a wall. Not a phycical one but a mental wall. Yes, my legs are sore. yes my feet have discomfort and require a little TLC, but nothing out of the ordinary. I have after all been training for a Half Marathon so that is not to unexpected.
Mentally though I’m just not there. I’m feeling drained. I’m feeling Blah. I’m wondering how I ever trained and ran marathons when this is so hard. I wonder why I decided to do this and if I will even do it now. I wonder so many things while running, but for the most part…. I am just feeling blah.
Here is the thing….
I have always been a solitary runner especially when training for events, but I was never exclusively solitary. I also loved running with friends. Going to races with friends was the best! Paces didn’t matter and we would work it out and just enjoy the company. I will admit that since becoming hypopara, I’ve become even more of a solitary runner but there were still the occasional running with friends. Since Covid those runs have been far and very few between. It’s been just mostly me.
I’m starting to get bored with my own company:) It’s starting to get to me. This week while out running the Stylx song Too Much Time on My Hands came on my playlist. Normally I would be jamming out to the song because who wouldn’t but the song just sounded different.
“I’ve got nothing to do and all day to do it
Well I’d go out cruising, but I’ve no place
To go and all night to get there”
Doesn’t it seem to sum up the last year?
“Too much time on my hands
It’s tick tick tick tick ticking away (Too much time on my hands)
Now I don’t know what to do with myself (Too much time on my hands)
Too much time on my hands
Too much time on my hands
Too much time on my hands”
No Group Runs
No Lunches out
No Dinners out
No Family get togethers
Just too much time on my hands.
The Pandemic wall is real and don’t let anyone tell you differently. I am thinking that all the reminders on the news, on your FB memories and friends posts is enough to remind you how long this has been and how we all thought we would be back to normal within just a few weeks if not just a few months. A YEAR….. A WHOLE $%*&^# YEAR!
I know we are almost there. We can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s burning brighter now but we are still crawling through the tunnel and we are getting tired. We can do it. It’s just…… we are all so ready for this to be over and knowing we are close makes you think about the things that we know we’ve been missing. Things we just ignored this last year because we knew it wasn’t even an option. So we continue to on, we know we will get to the other side soon.
So just be kind. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others.
We’ve got this